All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.SwearNet.Show.S05E01.Episode.1.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-WhatsBeyond_track3_[eng]

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I know what the 10 deadliest
animals in the world are

or things in the world now.

I didn't know.

It's not what you think. You
think like a bear or Shark.

No, man. Insects.

- Fucking mosquitoes.
- Deadliest thing in the world.

They kill the most people.

- 725,000 people a year.
That's fucking nuts.

Well that's, you know why?

Because they can
fucking carry different,

all kinds of different diseases
in their blood and then they

just jam their little infected
stinger right into ya.

I heard-

- And then you've got it all,

whatever they just drank.

There's gotta be a way of like,

killing all of them.

They're like of no use
to the planet, are they?

They're just fucking you. Right?

- They're, they're like fucking

the metal terminators.
You can't kill them.

- Can't kill 'em?
- No.

Very difficult to
wipe out mosquitoes.

I heard some places,

the mosquitoes so big that

bite you and they
suck all your blood

out and you're dead.

Ricky...

Come on, man, that's not.

That's a huge fucking mosquito.

- Oh, I know.
- Ricky.

Size of like a big bird.

- There's no mosquitoes
that can suck

all your blood out in one go.

- When you're sleeping,

you don't even realize
cause they got this

special sauce they inject
into ya that numbs ya.

No, but Rickey, you got
six liters of blood in you.

That means the fucking
mosquito would have to have

a six liter tank
on it's stomach.

- Three fucking bottles of pop.

They don't take it all.

But they take enough that you're
like, you're not waking up.

It's a piss off.

Well, they'd have to
take at least, fuck,

four, four and a half
liters for you to die.

So, they've got two,

two liter pop bottles on
their stomach full of blood.

And then how do they fly away

once they weigh
fucking 47 pounds?

I don't know the
science behind it all.

You don't know any science.

It's not real man.

Second deadliest
animal is a snake.

100,000 people a
year. That's a lot.

- That is a lot.

Yeah. Dogs is number three.

- Dogs!
- Dogs.

35,000 motherfuckers
killed by dogs.

I've been telling you
those are dirty bastards.

They're not as-

- It must be kids.

Is it mostly the
kids is it you think?

They're not as smart as kitties.

Man I don't fucking know.

I know that.

Kitties are probably
the higher number,

but they're smarter and they
know how to get away with it.

Here's a really weird one.

Number four, freshwater snails.

- Bull-fucking-shit.
- Yeah.

How do they kill people?

They release some
fucking parasite. Fucks ya.

Parasitic worms in the water.

They get inside your body
and just start fucking ya.

Not like you "fucking
ya" fucking ya.

Fucking yourselves?

Fucking over your organs.

I never heard of
snails doing that.

Maybe fucking yourselves.

- Number five. Is this, I can't.

How do you say this thing?

It's a t-setzy fly?

- Oh, a tsetse fly.
- Tsetse fly.

Tsetse fly. Ya, they
fuck you over too.

- 10,000 people a year.

- Yeah, those are dirty-

- They inject some
fucking parasites.

It's called sleeping sickness.
And it fucking kills ya.

- Those are dirty bastards too.

Scorpion, 33,250.

I thought scorpions
weren't that big of a deal.

- Oh no. 3000 people?
- It's not a huge deal.

It's a lot of people.

But at the third
of the fucking deaths

are in Mexico. So, be
careful if you go to Mexico.

You wanna watch out for
the "death stalker".

It's quite a name
for a scorpion.

Well yeah.

Wouldn't it be easy
to kill 'em though?

You just step on them?

Oh, they're pretty agile.

They don't go like, they're
not like fast, are they?

He might geek ya out and

get you on the side of the foot.

Like the same thing
with a tarantula.

Just go up and step on 'em.

- What if you're asleep?

Well yeah, I think
you whack 'em when

you're just getting into bed.

Crocodiles kill
1,000 people a year.

This is a weird one, tape worms.

700 people a year.

Oh, you wanna see a
crazy fucking video?

No.

I forgot to show you guys.

Get your machine out.

ThIS moment where the tape worm

comes with the guy's mouth
and he eats something?

Oh, man.

- Ricky that-
- I don't wanna see that.

Doesn't happen.

He takes a bite of a
sandwich or something.

That doesn't happen, Ricky.

I knew a guy, Danny Thomas,

and he told me that
he saw it happen

one time in his classroom.

He saw what?

He said that someone had a
tape worm in his classroom,

and he saw it come
out of a guy's mouth

and take a bite of his sandwich.

He's full of shit, man.

- He's probably.
- Where is he from now?

Has he got brain problems?

I think he's from England.

- Okay.
- Played in a band.

Seems like a smart guy.

The pirate?

Yeah. That's his nickname.

- Pretty simple.
- Simple fuckin' song.

It's only got like,
really three chords.

So, what you're gonna
need is this one.

If you're gonna do
it in the right key,

I mean like, to play
along with the tape.

Then you're gonna
have to do her here.

If you had a capo, you
could put it on there.

And then you could
just play a A chord.

But I don't have a capo.

I can't afford one of
the fuckin' things.

So I'm gonna play it
the the hardcore way.

So if you just make this,
which is a B flat barre cord,

You're gonna need that
cocksucker right there.

And then if you listen
to the, listen close,

he actually slides 'er
up. He plays her up here.

Which is a, what
would that be now?

That'd be an E flat barre cord.

Exact same cord.

You're just sliding
her up there.

Right? So this is
at the first fret.

And I guess that would be,
where would that go to?

That would be the
sixth fret there.

And then you're
gonna need this one,

Which is like a F seven cord.

Like that.

That's all the cords you need
until there's a key change.

But I'll get to that later.

So the song starts with
like a little bass,

little fancy bass thing.

So, if you have a
bass you can play it.

But I'll show you basically
what it is on the guitar.

It just goes.

So, you're on the first
fret here on the D string.

Then it comes in.

So it's just like
if you watch close,

it's just like the
first fret. It's like.

I don't know really how to
explain it, but it's just.

So, you can probably
follow along with that.

It's something like that.
I mean you can, you know,

put your own little
twister onto 'er there.

But it's basically like that.

♪ Trailers...

So, then it comes
in there. So it's.

♪ Trailers for sale or rent.

♪ Rooms to let, 50 cents.

♪ No phone. No pool or pets.

Ah, fuck! I fucked
'er up already!

♪ No phone. No pool...

Geez! I'm not getting her,

not getting her high enough.

♪ Trailers for sale or rent.

♪ Rooms to let, 50 cents.

♪ No phone. No pools or pets.

♪ King of the road.

That's basically how she goes.

I know you mean, you can sing.

♪ King of the road.

Or you can get all fancy
cause there's a harmony guy

in there that goes:

So you can either sing.

Or the harmony guy goes:

♪ King, king, king,

King of the road.
King of the road. ♪

That's how you do the harmony.

♪ King of the road.

♪ Trailers for sale or rent.

♪ Rooms to let, 50 cent.

♪ No pool. No phones. No pets.

♪ King of the road.

And it'd be great if
you could have some

arsehole standing next to
you doing this.

It would make a big
difference cause that

goes right through
the goddamn song.

It'll make it sound
a lot more real.

And then all that
happens. That's how
you do the whole song.

But then eventually he
gets into that song,

the verse about engineers and

knowing his kids and that shit.

You just slide 'er
up all one fret.

So you're just going
B. That's a B chord.

Then you're going
up to the E, there.

And then you're doing this.
F sharp 7 instead of F 7.

But if you're
listening on the tape,

he gets into this like,
double time bullshit.

So, if you want to play it
accurately, you gotta do it.

Like he does like a:

He does it like that. It's
kinda bullshit if ya ask me.

But again, you know, he might
have been jacked up on glue.

That's what makes
you get all like,

And he actually plays 'er up
high here if you listen to it.

So it's this F cord up here.

And instead of this, you
leave this guy here blank.

So you do it like that.

Same bullshit though.
That's how you do it.

That's "King of the
Road." Roger Miller.

Listen, I'm really
glad that you accepted

my invitation to go out
to lunch. This is great.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I got some
really big news to

share with you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Our stars must be aligned, Randy

I got some news for
you too, big guy.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

I'm gonna take you
to my favorite place.

- It's just up the road here.
- What's that?

Yeah, it's called The King.

Really? Is that
European cuisine?

No, no, no. It's
North American, Dawn.

It's great North American food.

Yeah, it's awesome.
You're gonna love it.

And it's a good deal too.

- Okay. I wonder what they
have for a plant inspired menu.

Well, I think they
got like tomatoes

and stuff like that.

So that should help you
out pretty much though.

Here we are.

I was thinking maybe sushi,

but this should be pretty good.

- Oh, I'm so hungry.
- This is gonna be awesome.

Can I take your order?

- Yes, I'd like to order
three cheeseburgers.

Okay.

With just ketchup.

All right.

And could I get three
cheeseburgers, just regular.

Ketchup, mustard, pickles?

Yes, please.

And could I get
three cheeseburgers
with extra pickles?

Okay.

That's a total of
nine cheeseburgers?

Yeah, no, we better get
three more cheeseburgers.

And I'm just gonna get
those ones plain, please.

- Okay.
- Anything else for you today?

Drinks or anything?

Yes, I'm gonna get
two large onion rings.

Okay.

Can I get two of your
value chicken sandwiches.

No. Make it four of those, Bud.

Four chicken juniors?

Yes, please.

- Okay.
- Anything else for you today?

- Yeah, I need a large diet pop.

- Okay.
- Large, how many of those?

Just one large diet pop.

And, and oh, sorry,
my friend Dawn

wants to order something
too. Here, go ahead Dawn.

Going on...?

Yeah, you can put
Dawn's on my bill, please.

- Thank you
- Okay,

no problem.

Yes, I'll have something
off your plant inspired menu.

I'll have garden salad.

- Okay.
- Any dressing with your salad?

- Yes. Could I-

- I have Balsamic, lite Italian,

lite ranch and Caesar.

- The balsamic, please.

Okay.

That sounds delightful.

And I'll have a orange juice.

Okay. Orange juice.

Anything else I can get for you?

- Oh, I forgot.

Could I also get a
poutine, a large poutine.

- Okay.
- I only have one size.

- Okay. Yeah, one size.

Okay.

And can you make an order of

onion rings and put the
poutine sauce on it?

Like an onion ring poutine?

I can probably do that-

- That would be great. Okay.

How much is that gonna be, bud?

It'll
be. $59.28 altogether.

Awesome.

One of those-

- Wow. That's quite the
order you got there.

Oh, this is gonna
be just so good.

Prunes or gherkins.

Prunes.

Right on boys, clear broths,

hot pepper steak,
some stew-y shit.

Dessert is baked 'runies.

Fuck, Squirrel. I didn't
know you could cook, man.

This is awesome. I'm
fuckin' starving.

Must be good.

Looks like you're running
out of a bunch of shit.

I'll take some of
everything, dude.

Salad and broth.

Salad? It's not
a fucking salad.

It's a piece of shitty lettuce.

Well, what the fuck is this?

I thought that was just a
tray with something sad in.

This one's chicken broth.

- Chicken broth?
- It looks like piss.

Is this a fuckin' joke, man?

Bun or cracker?

Bun, I guess. You're
fuckin' for real right now?

This is lunch?

Give me another one,
that one fuckin' fell.

Man, when you need hash, I'm
the go through guy, okay?

I can give you hash, but
I can't eat this shit.

I need fuckin' like
the other guys made.

Pizza, fish, fuckin' burgers,
hotdog, sausages, pork,

smoked fuckin' meat, lobster.

This is fuckin' bullshit, man.

Listen, Squirrel.

You gotta have something
else back there, man.

I'll give you a
nice piece of hash.

I need something different.

Tell me you got something
else from me, man.

Ricky, I got something for you.

Thank fuck.

This is fuckin' bullshit.

This? This doesn't
live off this.

You gotta fuckin' fix this shit.

Ricky, settle the fuck down.

Salad or chicken broth?

Salad, please.

Aw, I got the stump!

I got the stump.

- All right, we made it
in, look at this place.

This is fantastic.

I can't think of a better
place to be right now at

this level of buzz on,

getting stoned and
going to the aquium.

It's wicked.

Ricky, it's the Ripley's
Aquarium of Canada.

That's what it's called.

- Aquium, Ricky.

Aquarium. Repeat,
say it. Aquarium.

Aquari.

Um.

- Aquarium.
- Aquarium.

Almost Overnight,

Canada's abundant fish...

Oh fuck! Look at
the size of that guy.

...tons upon tons of fish

back to the old world.

Boys, where's
that voice coming from?

Canada's fishing industry

is worth $5 billion a year.

Is that the fish talking?

It's not the fish.

It
Provides jobs to 130,000 people.

In more than 1500 communities.

If we could get him outta here,

we could eat him
for about two years.

At least.

- I wonder, could we get
him outta here, Julian.

There's no way we're gonna
get a 880 pounder out of here.

- Bubbles, you get me in a tank.

I'll pet my shark and,
I'll get you whatever

you want for supper.
Anything you want.

How's it going?

Hey boys, you know what?
This stuff's kind of cool.

I like all the fish
and stuff being baked,

but I want go find the sharks.

I want to pet a shark.
Possibly fight a shark.

- Look Ricky, look.
- Dangerous Lagoon.

This is it, isn't it?

That's probably what
we're looking for.

Alright. I'm ready.

I'm gonna start
getting warmed up here.

Ricky, look at 'em.

Where's he going?

Keep running away.

Let's go.

Down here, bud.

Come on. Get back
here, you pussy.

There's no way that shark

can hear you. He's
not backin' down.

And they don't know English.

So I'm not gonna get to
pet or fight a shark today.

What's the point
of even being here?

Well, you're just supposed
to enjoy the nice scenery,

Ricky.

Can't we get up top to
where they are or something?

- No, we can't get in the tanks.

We're not allowed in the tanks.

Yeah, Ricky go through the
tube and try to fight one.

All right.

He's gonna
look like a total idiot.

Look how dumb he is.

Get him, Ricky!

What did they say?

They're just
swimming away from me.

Bunch of pussies.

Ricky, oh shit, he's moving.

- Nice.

About as close as we're
gonna get to one, I guess.

Do you still think you
could beat that thing, Ricky?

I wouldn't want to take
that one on. That's big.

Look at those teeth.

I wouldn't want you
trying to fight thing.

No, I wanna fight a little guy.

- You mean one like
the same height as you?

Yeah, my height or
maybe a little bit bigger.

- Okay Ricky, here's some sharks

that you can actually touch.

I don't want touch or
fight any this small though.

- What?

I just don't wanna touch
or fight anything this small.

They're too small.

- At least touch it and pat it.

Alright.

Just pet it, Ricky.

They
likely won't even move at all.

If you just kinda pet
them along the back,

like you'd touch a dog or a cat.

They likely will
just stay right there

and be really, really good.

You heard the man,
Ricky. You heard the man.

- I'm just waiting.
- You wanted to-

- Just waiting for
some people to do it.

Just don't stick

your finger in its mouth.

- Okay.

- Rick, it's just a
little tiny shark, bud.

Why, what? Are you afraid?

Why don't you touch
it first, Julian?

No, no. You're
the one that wanted

to come in here
and fight a shark.

Yeah, but not
something this small.

No. Well, why don't
you at least touch it?

Ricky, look. There's
one right there.

All right, I'm
gonna try to pet 'em.

That's why we should talk-

- Maybe you guys
should try it first.

- What?
- Are you scared?

Are you a 'fraidy cat, Ricky?

No. I'm not afraid
a 'fraidy cat.

It's just, the small ones
are the most dangerous ones.

He said these are like basically

like cats and dogs of the sea.

You can pet them.

- All right, here we go.

It feels like...

It feels like a piece of rubber.

Like a rubber boot.

It's this one right
at the top. Holy fuck.

What is this, man?

Watch this video. Oh baby.

Show it to Ricky. You're
not gonna like this, Ricky.

No, he's just
hanging out, right?

- What is this? A snake?

He's just hanging out in a-

- Oh, fuck. See,
I don't like the way.

In doctor's office and-

- Talking to somebody.

- Talking. And then he
noticed the cocksucker.

Oh,
look out. Look out.

Look at that cocksucker.

Stompin' the shit
out of him. Did he get him?

He gets 'em. But
Jesus, he knows how to do it.

Look, he gets him
the right way but,

he's just sitting there
enjoying his day and

that cocksucker
comes in and starts.

- Fuck, Buddy doesn't fuck
around with the snakes, does he?

- No, he got 'em.
- That's good, man.

I would've died, for sure.

All right. Good going, dude.

God, I, oh boy.

I wanna know where that is
cause I'm not going there.

That thing just came in,

it must have had
rabies or something.

Can snakes get rabies?

There's a cop there. He's
like, "Oh, get the fuckin'

thing outta here, bud."

I know they can get the flu.

I don't know about rabies.

Who can get the flu?

Snakes. They can sneeze.

Is that fuckin' true?

Ricky, how do you know this?

- I've seen it.

You've seen snakes-

- Little garter snake.
- Sneezing.

Yeah. Had a sneezing fit.

- I don't believe that.
- No,

it could have been
a cat actually.

There was a snake and a cat
and one of 'em was sneezing.

Does a cat sneeze?

Yes. Snakes don't sneeze.

- How fucked up were
you, fuckin, like Rick.

- Punch in "Can snakes sneeze?"

I need to know now.

I hope they can.

I'll feel like I'm
smarter than you guys.

- No.
- Fuck!

They don't have a diaphragm.

- They're not fuckin' sneezing.
- What's a diaphragm?

Jesus, Rick.

- I've heard of it for sex.
- It's...

never mind, man.

You heard about it for sex?

Doesn't it stop...

- That's a, yes,

there is a diaphragm
thing that ladies can use.

Fuck off.