Original subtitles

How is Bernie?She's at the station.

She's latched on to something on Adeen's phone to do with Grandad.

What are you doing?!

Bless me Father for I have sinned.

It's all this talk about Lance it's really got to me.

I can't discuss my work!

Call Andrew!

Did you get a message on your phone tonight

saying you had a missed call? No.

What are you saying Kieran?

I don't know. There's something off about him!

Something not right.

It's a boy!

I need to see Kathleen.

She's just got off to sleep and I'd rather not wake her.

Who are you to decide if I can see my mother?

Can I ask you something? It's about my father.

Dermott deserves to know the truth!

Well I can't do it and I won't!

You don't look to well you know. I'm all right darling.

The doctor said I was going to get the odd headache.

I don't know why Dad thinks he's so great.

I think the world of you.

Bernie she needs you.

You committed the most barbaric violation against nature there is.

You ripped me from my mother and that's why I'm like this.

WAVES CRASH

GULLS CRY

MUSIC ON RADIO

Alfie?

I knew we weren't on the best of terms

but I wasn't expecting you to swing for me.

What did you think was there?

You startled me that's all.

Hm. Well you should really get this checked out

at the hospital you know?

I'll be fine.Yeah well if there's a piece of glass left in there...

Dermott I'm...just overtired that's all.

OK.

By the way Kat's not here.

Yeah I can see that. Well I'll tell her you popped in.

Actually er...

..it's you I came to see.

I think I owe you an apology.

For the way I er...

Well barged in here the other night.

Listen...I suppose if I'd delivered a baby

on the floor of a prison cell

I'd be running around like a headless chicken too so...

..apology accepted.

Thank you.

Anyway er...make sure you keep changing this dressing

and er...keep it er...clean and sterile yeah?

OK. What is it a two-for-one deal today then(?)

Sorry?Father Dolan.

Not only saves souls but mortal flesh an' all. Huh!

Hm.

We need to leave Dermott.

The house is full of lies.

Go and get your coat.

Go now!

WAVES CRASH

BIRDSONG

It does work it just needs...

What's wrong with the CD player I have already?

Mam's just getting over tapes aren't you?

This is Bluetooth Mammy. It's modern.

Oh Bluetooth redtooth blacktooth

call it what you will girl it clearly doesn't work.

MUSIC: My Donegal Shore by Daniel O'Donnell

See? Listen to the sound quality of that.

Can you hear it?

It's almost like he's in the room with us!

Can it do the washing up too?(!)

Well if you don't want it I can always take it back.

I didn't say I didn't want it now.

I have a homosexual grandson you'll remember.

I was never one to fear modernity.

Yeah you tell them Gran. And with Cois Dara razed to the ground

and plans afoot to rebuild and er...what did you call it?

Rebrand.Rebrand.

I'd better keep up with the future hadn't I?

So um...how's the kitten doing?

What's this now?

Oh Dr Dolittle here has taken in a feral kitten.

Called Lady if you don't mind.

Yep. She's sleeping through taking the bottle.

Fingers crossed we can get her name down for a good school.

THEY CHUCKLE

I mean have you ever seen anything as cute as that in your life?

Aw!Come on you kidding me?

Aw! What are you like?! Ha-ha!

You're joking but they do that don't they?

Treat their pets like kids.

What are you talking about? The gays.

What Kieran said it's displacement I sup...

KIERAN LAUGHS

I think you've had enough to drink.

Not enough clearly.

Don't mind her she's a terrible rip.

Are you all right? Why wouldn't I be?

You look... Don't start in on me now.

I was just asking how you are.

Always the same.

You go on and on at me.

Sorry can I...?Yeah.

Ah he's growing by the day isn't he?

Yeah. That's what babies tend to do.

You all set for the service tomorrow?

It's not the first time I've done it.

No it isn't. These are your people after all.

Your flock.

Have you lot had a falling out?

No. Why do you say that?

No reason.

I hope the food arrives before too long I haven't eaten all day.

God is that all you think about?

Listen why don't you pop around the pub tomorrow before the christening?

I won't have time.Just pop over. I have something for you.

What is it?That'd be telling.

PHONE RINGS Hello there.

Hang on a sec I'll just pop out.

He's so cute!

He's got Lance's eyes.

Do you really think so?Mm.

He'll be a heartbreaker so.

Oh he's just the cutest thing!

And don't worry I haven't told a soul.

Haven't told a soul what?

Go on spit it out.

Andrew?Hm?You can do it now.

I'm just going to get another beer.

Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?

Wait! Wait where's Peter?

Well we can't do this without Peter.

I hear you I hear you.

Well to be honest I'd be worried if you weren't feeling like this

because the first couple of years are...

Let's grab a coffee in the morning and we can talk it through.

Are you going to be OK tonight?

Call me if you need anything.

I'll see you then.

OK. Yeah. Go easy.

Er...you've been summoned.

HE SIGHS

Yeah. Yeah I'm coming.

Don't you think you should slow down?

That's rich coming from you.

Yeah I suppose it is.

You've barely looked at me since you got here.

Go back in there and be with your husband.

Do it for your family then.

Having a party are you? No I'm just hungry.Right yeah.

There's an exhibition at the college. For my photographs.

You know it would be a laugh. If you wanted to... No.

Right.

And I want the change. Yeah. Yeah.

Too many pockets! Do you remember Willy?

One day he was driving along - remember Willy two farms down? -

anyway he sees in the field this bale you know hay

and it's a great big oversized bale.

Anyway it started rolling y'know?

There's this house at the bottom of the field.

You know posh place a holiday home - with a pool.

Anyway the bale is rolling down.

Willy jumps up manages to catch up with it -

cos he can see where this is going

sees two black eyes staring back at him.

It was Bella the cow! Was in the bale!

She said it was just a matter

of form filling and jumping through a few hoops.

And Kieran's going to take care of the legal proceedings I presume?

Is this Cois Dara?

Isn't Kieran's expertise in American law? Right?Right.

But that's no use here.

And if it all goes smoothly

how long will it take for the money to come through?

Oh it could take anything from three to six months if we're lucky

and then if all goes to plan the builders move in

make sure it's structurally sound and then we go from there.

That sounds great. Mm-hm.

What are you guys talking about?

Oh looks like the insurance is going to pay out on the fire

at Cois Dara. You don't know that yet.

Let's just say we're quietly confident.

I don't know why I didn't set fire to the place myself.

So you're er you're definitely staying on then?Yeah.

Talk about divine intervention.

Yeah the Lord certainly works in mysterious ways doesn't he?

Ah well that's my retirement plans scuppered.

A hostile takeover by an American corporation.

Looks set to be a fine day tomorrow.

All the family together. The way it should be.

Keep Kathleen away - is that what you're trying to tell me?

Loud and clear.That woman... That woman is my mother.

You've made your point.

Well she made a point of making me feel very welcome in her family.

My family.

Oh. Yeah. I'm even going to take a trip to Spain to meet the others.

Oh.

So you know about the other one I presume?

What other one?

Kathleen had another child when you were born.

She had twins.

Food!

GLASS CLINKS

OK. Sorry - can I just erm

say a few words on behalf of Bernie and I?

First of all thanks for coming.

MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO Eileen shut that thing down.

Sorry. Sorry.

MUSIC STOPS

Yeah. OK. Erm just want to say

that we've asked Eileen and Peter to be Godparents.

That's great Peter congratulations.

And they both agreed

which is great for us because that's another two baby-sitters

to add to the list and erm... The name?

We've finally settled on a name.

Everyone meet Lance Padraig Byrne.

ALL: Aww!

Aw son come here to me. I'm so touched by that.

To Lance Padraig Byrne. ALL: To Lance Padraig Byrne!

To Lance Padraig Byrne.

He's really good with kids isn't he? Yes.

He's just amazing!

So Godmother no less? How did you wrangle that?

I didn't wrangle anything. I was asked. And Padraig?

I mean you should have let that name die with him.

Mam that is an awful thing to say.

I'm just saying what everyone is thinking.No. You're not.

Why don't you get a glass of water Mum?

She better not be like this tomorrow.

She won't she'll be fine. She'll be fine.

Can you go make sure she gets some water?

Any wonder I moved halfway across the world?

I can't help myself.

Won't be content until I'm the size of a house.

Nobody wants an obese wife Bernadette.

You've just had your third child.

Now's the time to start taking care of yourself

not letting everything sink south.

Have you seen Dermott?

I think he left.Oh.

You know I didn't want him involved in the christening don't you?

Didn't Andrew tell you?

Well Dermott's family.

His feelings would have been hurt if he'd been excluded.

And what about my feelings?

Oh why you're being too sensitive.

You just called me fat.

Now nobody called you fat.

I said you must take care of yourself. That's good advice.

Nobody likes a glutton.

PHONE RINGS

Doug it's me. Those photos on Adeen's phone that went to the lab

I need you to chase them up for me.

Just let me know when you get this.

Do you think I'm fat?

You've just had a baby.

Is that why you won't touch me?

You're being stupid now Bernie.

So what is it?

I'm tired.

I told Agnes. I told her that I didn't want Dermott

that I wanted Father Flynn.

It's our day. Why do we have to listen to her?

Because we do. And what's Dermott ever done to you?

Except deliver your baby.

OUR baby.

MUSIC BLARES ON RADIO

You see I told you you'd get the hang of it.

I wasn't born in the Dark Ages Eileen.

Does it always have to be Daniel O'Donnell?

Oh no no it doesn't.

Sure I have Mary Black in here too if you'd prefer.

PHONE RINGS

MUSIC STOPS

Hello?

Oh Pat.

Oh I'm very sorry. Is there's anything I can do?

He was a good man.

Oh no no no don't even think on it no.

Well listen thanks for letting us know

and er take care now. God bless.

That was Pat Donoghue. Jim went and died in the night.

They were married for years. God. The poor woman.

Oh forget her what about the cake?

Mam!Well she was supposed to drop it here this morning.

Mam her husband has just passed!

I don't think christening cake is at the top of her priorities right now.

Well the world goes on turning Eileen.

If the husband's dead well the husband's dead.

People still expect cake.

MUSIC RESUMES

Isn't that lovely?

All right? You can see New York from here.

Ah right. Look closely you'll see the Statue of Liberty.

Ah-ha! Very small of course. Yeah. I'm going to pop down

to the travel agents. What do you want to do that for?

Well they're showing that the flights are all booked online.

Well just book a different flight.

The computer's playing up got no Wi-Fi. I'll come with you.No no.

You know what Tommy's like -

takes him six hours just to get in the car. I'll be straight back.

We'll take him down the beach later.

Yeah. Sounds good to me. Love yer.Love you.

All you have to do is drive there and drive back.

Andrew's not going anywhere.

So tell me Bernadette how do you feel about having

a christening with no christening cake?

A cake you've already paid for I might add.

Hm? Yes well conversation closed.

Look I can go with you.No.

Dad you have to stay.

Adeen can you just go up and get ready please?

Well that's settled.

And er you promise you'll look in on Lady?

I said I would. Now go.

The presents are for the twins.

Mum said I wasn't allowed any presents.

You've had enough treats you.

I swear he's going to turn into an ice cream cone

one of these days you watch.

What time's your flight home?

Erm Alfie's just gone into town to book the flights.

We tried to get one for the morning but they were fully booked.

When you coming back?

Soon.

Sugar?

One please.

So erm you never lived here then?

No. Spent a lot of time here though.

It belonged to Peter's mother. My grandmother.

Well...

Just another woman now I suppose.

Why didn't you tell me I had a sister?

Tommy we're just popping outside.

Here.

You can see the time of birth.

Normally there's only a date. Except when there's a twin.

Where did you get this? Does it matter?No it doesn't...

but it's not as if I wasn't going to tell you.

Well that's all right then(!)

Is she still alive? Zoe? Of course she is.

So why didn't you tell me?

Because I didn't want you to feel rejected.

What can I say? I guess you get used to it.

Look I've messed up again.

I'm not a saint Dermott. I'm not like you.

This is good news. I'm tired Kathleen.

I am exhausted...

and every time I believe I've got it

you just pull the rug from under me.

Again and again... PHONE RINGS

What's she like?Zoe?

She's beautiful. A proper stunner.

Gobby mind. Like me.

She lives in Spain she's got a fiance and she's doing well.

She's doing really well. Does she know about me?

No.

So we move at your pace. Whatever you want to do.

I'll take my lead from you. I'm only going to ask you this once

Kathleen and I need the truth from you. Do you understand me?Yeah.

Is there anything else I don't know?

No.

No nothing.

I think the sooner you leave the better.

Don't you want to say goodbye to Tommy first?Not at the moment no.

I need some space to think.

To breathe.

Are you lost?

So do you know this woman?

This uh what's her name Pat what-do-you-call-her?

Donoghue. You know who she is. She used to run that Sunday School.

Her?

Oh God how is she still alive? She was evil that woman.

Yeah only because you and me drove her to distraction.

Hey whatever I did my hand was forced I'm sure.

Yeah like it wasn't your idea

to put that dead fish behind the skirting board.

D'you remember? You me and Cian Colman.

Yeah Cian Colman. Hey what's he up to these days?

Marriage. Kids. Just back from two weeks in Tenerife.

Marriage mortgage maternity. Of course.

Sure what else would you be doing?

It is this way.

HE KNOCKS

Mrs Donoghue. It's Andrew Agnes' grandson.

You remember Kieran? We're so sorry for your loss.

It wasn't peaceful when he went.

He was in agony crying out for mercy.

So do you think we could grab that cake?

The cake?

Sorry to ask.

Agnes sent you did she?

A cute hoor. Never did change.

THEY LAUGH

Woohoo!

Out the gab with the Gods.

Is this going to take long? I'm coming I'm coming.

I found them the other night

when I was sorting through a few things.

Are you going to have look?

They're yours. Baby teeth.

I suppose you don't remember the fuss you made?

How you wouldn't go to sleep because you didn't want the tooth fairy

to take them away.

You called me here for this?

Yeah I thought you'd be happy I don't know...

curious at least. What's gotten into you?Nothing.

There's something you're not telling me about and I'm growing tired.

Tired of your attitude. My attitude?Yes your attitude.

It's all monosyllabics. All mood and darkness -

and I want to know why.

I'm very sorry to have disappointed you.

Anya could you go on your break please?Yeah.

You haven't disappointed me. How could you say that?

But you can't...

You're not much of a priest if you can't talk to your old man

about what's going on. Now tell me.

Dermott talk to me.Get off me!

No I won't. Not until you tell me.

Get off me! You're not my da!

And Iris wasn't my mother!

Why are you saying this? Dermott?

Because it's true.

THEY CHUCKLE

PHONE RINGS Oh. It's Gran. It's in my pocket.

I'll get it. Whoa! What are you doing?

What?

It's Bernie it's all right I've got it.

TYRE EXPLODES

It's all been a lie.

Your life my life. She's been laughing at us the whole time.

Who's been laughing? Agnes. The whole time she's known.

She went to London to see Iris.

Ma. Iris was your ma.

Iris lost your child in London and she brought me back.

What a miracle I was eh? And Kathleen Moon...

What? Why do you think she has been here this whole time?

What are you talking about? She's my mother. Not Iris.

Mammy! You're drunk. I'm not.Mammy!

I'm not your mammy.

Dermott who's been telling you all this?

Lance. Some last prick of conscience before he went to the grave

I don't know. She stole me.

Iris is nothing but a thief and a drunk.

Now you watch your mouth boy. And you...

You're just a man I shared a house with -

and here we are 18 years later

not so much as a drop of drink on you

with your sanctimonious holier than thou...Stop!

Do you know the irony of all this is it needn't have been.

You were mourning a woman you didn't even know.

You have spent the past 30 years bringing up a child

that wasn't even yours.

Your life and everything in it - your drinking your sobriety me -

it's just not true. None of it is true.

You need to go to church.

Oh I'll go! I'll go and I'll put on a good show!

You don't have to worry about me!

Not any more.

Why don't you pour yourself a drink there? You deserve one.

Dermott. Save me!

No.

Look at you all dolled up.

Is that jam on your jacket?

They were in your deleted folder.

What were they doing there? I didn't delete them.

You were shooting a baby out of you

how do you know what you were doing? I blew them up. I'm nice that way.

Will you send them to my private e-mail? You know it don't you?

Listen if I had six months holidays I wouldn't be worried about work.

It's called maternity leave Doug.

Why do you want them anyway?

Because I do. I'll see you later.

OK.

We're nearly ready to go.

How is she?

Needed a mother's touch is all.

I don't want a repeat of last night do you understand me?

I didn't do anything.

Oh Roisin

I grew tired of that line by the time you were 14.

I won't be drinking. Nobody minds you taking a drink.

Just control yourself.

After all there was nothing to celebrate when Andrew was born

was there?

So he deserves this?

ENGINE REVS

Argh. Here.

I can't get any signal.

Don't even think about laughing Kieran.I'm not.

What are we going to do?

You're an idiot. There's a spare tyre

but we're never going to get it on unless we get it this thing out.

Look don't panic. We'll wait here by the road and when a car comes

we'll just flag it down.

I hope you know this is your fault.

How is this my fault?

You swan in here like something out of a JD Salinger novel

and cause havoc.

Yeah I know who JD Salinger is.

So er what am I one of those phoneys?

Well?

What havoc have I caused?

To me.

You've caused havoc to me.

When you say you don't feel right...?

Seeing things.

Things that aren't really there.

Headaches...

These crippling awful headaches.

Well often these are simply unwanted side effects

of living with a brain tumour. Yeah I know all about that Doctor.

Between you lot and the internet I'm practically qualified myself.

But...my check-up's not for several months.

I thought I'd been given a second chance you know?

And now...in my head...

Do you think people get third chances?

I dunno if they do...

Look given the severity of your symptoms and your history

it might be prudent to run a fresh scan yeah? See where we are.

Yeah that'd be...

Yeah thank you. Thank you Doc.

'This is Alfie Moon. Can't get to the phone right now

'but please leave a message after the tone.'

Alfie Where are you?

Look we need to book a flight. Day or night we just need to go.

Where did you get these from? Dermott gave them to me.

Saint Apo...Apollonia?

Saint Apollonia. They beat her up and knocked her teeth out.

Tommy I don't think you should be playing with these.

Dermott said if you don't believe then you go to hell.

That's Saint Zoe.

"Rejecting the food offered to the Gods she was tortured

"and roasted to death in a furnace."

Tommy you don't need to be thinking about heaven or hell all right?

Dermott said I do.

So what happens when you die?

Mum? What happens when you die?

Welcome.

Hello. Lovely to see you thank you for coming.

Thank you so much for coming.

Andrew's not back. Bernie's having kittens over there.

She would have loved all this today.

Come on we'll go inside will we?

You might have everyone else fooled but you don't fool me.

Padraig is a good man.

Make it work.

What would you know about it?

Just take my advice. Don't end up like me.

You can't have a christening without the father of the baby

or the priest.

Where's Peter?

They'll be here.

ZIP FASTENS

I can do it myself.

VEHICLE APPROACHES

What if something has happened?

They'll have got caught in traffic. Traffic? In Redwater?

Where were you?

I was reading a parishioner's last rites.

Oh.

Kathleen sends her love.

Where the hell have you been?

I went to get your cake the cake you wanted.

And you said you'd be back.I am.

What happened? We had a blowout Gran.

Oh... A blowout?But we're fine.

Come on everyone inside. Come on move. You - baby wipes.

Get cleaned up.

Do you want to tell me what you've done?

What I do or what I don't do has got nothing to do with you.

Of course. Sorry.

Occupational hazard.

For God said "Honour your father and mother

"and anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death."

No pressure then. CHUCKLING

Today baby Lance Padraig Byrne becomes a part of a family.

What does that mean that one simple word family?

Is it love? Comfort? Protection?

It's all of those things.

It's also sacrifice.

I ask you here today to think about

and to pray for those who are less fortunate

for those who don't know their families

and for those who never will.

Andrew and Bernadette you have asked for your child to be baptised.

In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training

Lance Padraig Byrne in the practice of the faith.

It will be your duty to bring Lance Padraig Byrne up

to keep the Lord's Commandments

as Jesus taught us by loving God and our neighbour.

Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?

We do.

Andrew do you understand what you are undertaking?

Yes. Sorry.

I baptise you in the name of the Father

and of the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

MUSIC: Cardinal Knowledge by Kila

ALL CHATTER

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello! FEEDBACK

Hello.

Sorry I just want to say a few words that's all.

It's been a beautiful day so far and a lovely service.

The passing of Lance.

The arrival of a newborn.

It focuses not only the mind...

but also the heart.

Not so many years ago you Andrew were the baby.

Born just across the way there on the kitchen floor.

It was quite the Tuesday night I can tell you.

Why your Granny Agnes there

she was mopping up the floor for weeks after.

Where have all the years gone eh?

Now I don't have to tell you as a father just how that feels.

To bring a life into this world to love something

to love someone more than you could possibly love yourself.

That's the way it should be...

..but we don't say that often enough do we son us men?

In fact to my shame I can hardly remember the last time

I actually said that...

..but I'm proud of you son.

You've been the joy of my life.

But as I grow old with spectacles on my nose and pouch on my side

you'll stay strong.

We pass the baton.

Father to son. And on again.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.

Though I may not be wise...

I am proud.

Proud my boy to know you.

Oh you...!

And I only wish that your children become the joy of your life.

THUNDER RUMBLES

MUSIC: You Really Got me by The Kinks

Peter where are you? I am worried about you. Please call me.

Did you get Peter? Voice mail.

Drinky.I'm not drinking.Why not?

I just don't want to. I don't have to do I?

Give it to me. I will take it off your hands.

Fancy a turn on the dance floor? I'm just not in the mood love.

Course you're not. It's only a party after all huh?

Kat told me what happened. Did she now?

She wanted to tell you I mean she was going to tell you.

She was just looking for the right time.

She's only trying to protect you Dermott.

Yeah just like Agnes was all those years.

Look how that turned out.

Life's a funny old thing eh?

That's life. So old Blue Eyes himself says.

Yeah riding high in April shot down in May. That's the one.

How's the hand?

Well it's... It's getting there.

Kat's not too happy about the window though.

Yeah that'll come out of your deposit. CHUCKLING: OK.

Did you book the flights yet?

No. No. There's a problem with the airline.

You're lying to me.

So tell me.

I had a scan earlier.

I can't tell Kat obviously. But um...

It's not good news.

So when you say it's grown...

They want to do a biopsy.

Just to see what they're dealing with.

You know I don't know whether to laugh cry or scream...

It just feels like someone's really upset the big man upstairs

you know?

Well I'll be praying for you.

Do you think that will help do you?

There have been scientific studies

that prove the efficacy of prayer you know.

It does seem to me that you're searching for answers Alfie.

It's funny I was thinking as I was driving over here

who's going to put the bins out?

Cos that...

That was my little job every...

Every Tuesday night you know. I'd put the bins out.

I don't want to die before I see my kids grow up.

Will you christen me Father?

TYRES SQUEAL

'Willy was always half cut on Diesel fumes anyway.'

So he's driving along and he saw this bale of hay -

and something catches his eye you know - it's moving.

This great big fat bale of hay starts rolling down the hill.

So Willy jumps out of the car.

rushes up to it and guess what he sees?

Two big black eyes staring at him. It was Bella the cow!

Sorry.

You look as miserable as your daughter.

Are you all right?

What do you care if I am or not?

You took advantage of me.

No. You tricked me.

You've been drinking.

We can talk about it tomorrow.

I don't want to talk about it tomorrow.

I want to talk about it now.

You can lie to yourself all you want.

We both know what happened.

PARTY MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY OUTSIDE

MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO

MUSIC STOPS

NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE

HE GASPS

# She's a rich and rare land

# Oh she's a warm and bold land

# Oh she's a true and old land

# This native land of mine. #