Original subtitles

There's a in the sky

White Label, Chivas, Long John

Spanish whisky DYC sucks

the best is White Horse.

Crap! What heat!

My name is Bill Golden guns

My horse is Silver Away!

I cross the whole of the West

killing people but.

I love the girls

That I find on my way.

I hate gunmen

who live very outside the law.

And this is how the story from "East to West".

No gas!

Crap!

And this is how tells the story of

"East to West".

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

- Good morning, stranger. - Good morning.

Are you leaving the village?

Yes, we're going to Germany.

This village is not safe.

I know it's dangerous to ask in the West.

But why?

Two rival gangs eat city almost daily.

They get drunk and there's gunfire in the saloon.

Ah. The lack of public safety.

In any case, we're leaving.

If I were you, I'd turn around and leave.

Today both groups will be in city and there will be trouble.

- Goodbye, friend. - Bye, buddy.

Giddyup!

Calm down...

Come here!

Get inside!

They're here!

CLOSED DUE TO LACK OF OF PUBLIC SECURITY

Why is everyone leaving?

I know! They've run out of soft drinks!

Run, son!

Done! This week, the door can survive!

Will the sheriff do anything?

No, Martha. But what can we do?

We have to do something!

And we are doing something!

Shut up!

No, dear Dad! They must know!

Tell them!

Well done!

Have you heard of Bill Pistolas de oro?

Of course.

Isn't he a terrible gunman?

Yes, he's the fastest in the North of Amazonas.

I wrote to him and asked him

bring order to this village.

Isn't taking the law into our own hands?

Yes, but we don't other option.

The government in Washington is not listening to us.

We asked several times for a marshal,

but they ignored us.

- What did gunman mean? - He turns.

But he will arrive in plain clothes.

This will make your work easier.

And how much will this hired killer?

He will set the price once once it's here.

We'll have to pay in dollars or in cash.

To pay in cash?

Well, cattle, land...

Or something else...

Oh, I don't like that!

Our sheriff must enforce the law.

But whenever he smells trouble

he uses any excuse.

Open the door, Margaret Rose. It'll be someone from here.

Everything we know about Bill Pistolas de oro

is that he smokes small, long.

I have a box.

I'm going to offer one for every stranger.

The one who will be him.

Hello, mayor.

I came here to resign

and that's irrevocable!

Okay, Sheriff.

Oh, no! I'm the former sheriff!

Got it?

And what's your excuse this time?

Well, I wasn't sure if I

should discuss a big colic

or that my grandmother passed away and I have to attend the funeral.

- Your grandmother must be very old. - That's why she died!

Let's get started!

Me, the town sheriff

elected by the citizens because of my merits

because no other idiot wanted the job

I swear I'm resigning due to family reasons.

And I, as mayor, swear accept your resignation.

Well, I'm going to bed before

this bunch of animals show up.

Where's the exit, Adam?

Have you resigned, Sheriff?

Not sheriff. "Former sheriff!"

That's not right, Mr. Mayor!

What's the problem now, Graves?

The boards!

I ordered three wagons of boards to make my coffins,

and nothing has arrived!

How will I bury those who will be killed today?

Don't be so cruel, Mr. Graves!

It's my job, ma'am. Nobody wonders when

her husband talks about his blacksmith store.

Why are people are so demanding

as for the gravediggers?

OK, Graves. Do what what you can. But nobody

whoever dies today must be buried.

And do your part of the bargain or we'll take away your rights

exclusively for burials.

Very good. I have some leftovers.

If the dead aren't too tall, I can manage.

Here's Polonius!

Dr. ambulante introducing his famous elixir.

Its name is "The Pleasure of the Prairies"!

Nothing...

Nothing. Not even a curious soul.

I'm not a racist...

but even the Indians know that.

Just pay attention!

For cuts, nausea, gas and constipation

use the pleasure of the prairies!

Nothing... nobody.

For twisted ankles! To make the floor shine!

Clean your clothes!

Cleans your stomach! Cleans glass and silver!

And it doesn't move, it's colorless and doesn't stain!

Nothing!

Whoa!

Oh, that's good.

A customer!

You're lucky!

You're short, so I can make your coffin

with a few pieces of wood I have left.

Paint it white. I am like a child.

Well done.

How many feet?

One... two. The right and the left.

I mean, your height...

With or without the hat?

You'll look better with your hat.

7 feet, 2 inches

and three lengths of lice.

Good!

I suspect that that bastard

is from the tax office, and I will receive a heavy fine.

Water!

I'm going to drink the whole trough!

- They're here! - What?

They must be men of peace.

The "Pleasure of the Prairies"!

The famous elixir!

Into the water!

You bastards!

This elixir...! Hey, what's going on?

Why are they so angry?

They didn't even even tasted it!

Damn!

Damn!

This city is shit!

Oh, damn!

They're crazy here!

- Whiskey for everyone! - Just a minute!

You must pay for these bottles.

Are you kidding with us, Stella?

I'm tired of everything they drink and don't pay for...

Bad Milk!

That's the way it should be.

We are the bad guys and the bad guys never pay.

- From now on you go. - You keep dreaming.

Don't move!

Okay, darling.

If you were someone else you'd be dead now.

Okay...

There are 5 bottles...

So $5.

Six, Bad Milk! Six!

- Six? - Five that you're taking...

- And what you broke! - But it was you who broke it!

But it was your fault!

Besides, money important to you.

They say you have a hidden treasure.

It's from all your robberies!

Then give me six dollars!

Because you're lucky you're half-naked,

and that it's worth the extra dollar.

Goodbye! Come on, boys!

In addition to ruining the walls

In addition, we now have a leaking roof.

Look at the insurance, Mr. Chapulin.

It's been like this ever since you and your friend Bad Milk

started coming here every 15 days.

Bad Milk is not my friend, sir.

Look at it this way anyway,

Mr. Chapulin.

Only cobwebs cobwebs on the left.

This is bad for you, sir.

If we don't take nothing with us

so I lost face in front of in front of my boys.

And when that happens, I go crazy!

And when Chapulin is angry,

then I'll kill you first!

I don't know what you take with you... could

OK, empty your pockets!

I like that! Now I'm won't kill you, sir!

Chapulin doesn't kill! Because, if I kill everyone...

who could I steal next week?

Well, seeing it's true.

But that's very little, Mr. First.

Come on, don't be shy!

Take off your too!

Our clothes?

- Your clothes! - Okay, okay!

You don't want to lose face!

That's it!

Sons of bitches!

Take that!

Let's go!

Let's go quickly, my boys!

Let's get out of here!

Fortunately, I left the trough on the spot!

What a bunch of animals!

You almost cut my throat!

My hand was shaking with the shooting!

Sorry!

Well, okay.

Animals! They're going to destroy this city!

This is bad for tourism!

- Of course. - They smashed my windows!

And you almost cut the doctor's jugular vein!

Look, Mayor, what they've done for us!

I can see that, you almost naked!

What a crisis! Only one dead!

These animals are terrible marksmen!

That's no joke, Mayor.

People take it as fun!

But it gives me a lot of of pain and respect!

Here I am...

Let's move on.

Do you swear to respect and the law in this village

like a Democratic sheriff appointed by decree?

Yes, I swear.

So here here's your badge!

But... what happened here?

You can't leave you alone?

All of you are going to work!

Come on, start move!

Let's clean up.

Then we can meet in Stella's salon.

Archibald!

We have to talk, don't we?

Yes, but why not in the chapel?

Not in the chapel. Mrs. Trafford.

We can't swear inside the chapel.

Well, you're going home now!

Madam.

Sons of bitches! They'll end up destroying the place.

Blackandecker! Blackandecker!

Where's my rifle?

Rifle left it there.

Thank you, Blackandecker.

What will it be?

A farmer.

No, I mean, what do you want to drink?

Are you an Indian?

No. I just wear a costume.

I thought you were a writer.

I mean, because of because of the penalty.

No one has ever told me that.

- Whisky! - Okay.

No, they're just horse excrement.

- Whisky? - Yes.

Wait a minute.

You're Mojave, Cheyenne, Seminole, Comanche?

No.

My grandfather was from Albacete. I'm Navajo.

Ah. I understand.

I wouldn't do that if I were you, stranger.

Why not, stranger?

I'd have to serve me first.

I arrived first.

By the way.

what is that stench?

What brand of perfume you're wearing?

Horse droppings from the Caribbean!

That's obvious.

It seems that when the bullets were whistling

you've put your head in the wrong place.

I don't think it's funny, strange.

But you must be really thirsty.

I saw you diving into the trough.

Two strangers!

Could one of them be Bill Golden Pistols?

Hah! That's very funny.

Then I'll buy you one.

Drink that!

I only drink I pay for!

The fun is starting.

This time, you're going to drink I tell you to drink!

It hurts my liver!

Well, well...

Drink up! I'm starting to see red everywhere!

This is normal, all oxen are color blind.

I don't talk to a manure eater!

You must be talking about your father!

No, yours!

Yours!

- You drink! - There's no whiskey!

Then lick the glass!

Your father can lick it!

Drink up!

I don't understand...

That's strange...

This can only be solved in one way.

Yes, in a way.

- They'll draw their guns! - They'll kill each other!

Don't kill the little one!

I always burn my pants doing this performance!

He smokes a cigar.

The little one is like Clint Eastwood!

And the other resembles John Wayne.

One of them must be Bill Pistolas de oro.

We cannot allow them to kill each other!

Just a moment, gentlemen.

You didn't get a good reception, but it wasn't our fault.

- What's that smell? - Manure!

I saw him roll over while trying to escape the bullets.

I'm not stupid.

But they weren't shooting at you!

Yes, but being such bad shooters could have

shot while trying to kill each other.

I just don't understand why you didn't shoot them back.

- I never carry guns. - And neither do I.

Are you sure?

I've never fired a gun.

I don't believe it. Give them some guns!

Take mine, take mine.

Just a moment. I didn't do that!

Careful, it could go off!

We need a target.

Have you ever noticed how heavy these weapons are?

I don't understand how these things can shoot.

You don't understand! I can't

hit a cart at 3 meters!

- I can't, at two too. - Two meters away?

No, I mean two carts!

You're worse than me!

So, what are we doing here?

Well, I don't know.

Here!

See who gets the glasses first.

One moment, please!

My grandfather taught me that!

Hey, no!

One of them is the most famous gunslinger of the West!

- And the other one? - Your assistant. Come...

To show that I trust them,

I'll hold one of the glasses.

Dear Manitou, you are Indian,

how I love you and I give you my heart.

Okay, shoot!

A moment, I need my glasses!

What?

Tall and blind like a plaster coyote.

Hey, there's thousands of bullets.

- Just don't move. - Just be careful.

Which way do do I have to shoot?

Ready... fire!

Stop! That's enough!

Now I really need a drink.

That was frightening.

You did very well. Very well.

Fucking gunmen!

Now I understand why they call you pale-faces!

You're totally pale!

Really?

They did it on purpose to confuse us!

Well, I need to find my way to the bathroom.

This is an emergency!

Anything you want. Perfumes, oils, manicures...

The mayor told us to to take good care of both of you.

Hey, that's a nice gesture.

Do you always treat strangers like this?

No, but apparently you two are special.

- That's strange! - What's strange?

You have rough hands.

That's not unusual. I'm a farmer.

I came to this city because I

I hear there's an for sale.

Yes, I'm the owner. How did you know?

I heard that is Alamogordo.

You can see him tomorrow.

But do you have to buy it?

Not much, but if you accept some promissory notes...

We'll talk tomorrow. Come on, girls!

Let the big man finish his bath.

Later, come and eat downstairs.

Oh, and if you want anything...

anything... just call.

We want you to be happy here.

What girl...

Huh? Who's there?

I'm going to shout for help!

Don't be afraid. I'm the mayor's daughter.

My name is Margaret Rose.

Oh! Margaret and Rose...

What a flowery name. But...

What are you doing on the roof?

I wanted to to talk to you.

But I'm ashamed. You're in the bathtub

with three and naked.

- Well, I... - No, don't leave!

Then you get in here. You can fall.

Don't worry.

Or they could see her.

Oh, you're right.

I wanted to thank you for for coming here to help us.

Help who?

Stop pretending.

I know you want to get Bad Milk and Chapulin by surprise.

Bad Milk?

And Chapulin? He has a funny name.

Who are these two?

So you pretended you don't know how to shoot.

Then it seemed that I did it on purpose.

Of course! That's why you didn't hit anyone!

So who did you confuse me with?

At first you deceived us. But now we know for sure.

You will bring back the law, order and justice.

Just a minute, let's get this straight.

Don't leave the bath! That's so embarrassing!

Don't worry.

I always wear my pants in the bathtub.

That way I can and wash too!

Oh, you scared me!

And now tell me...

Who do you think I am,

different from an idiot who bathes in his clothes?

You can stop pretending. You're a great gunfighter.

We know. And now, I'm leaving.

Don't leave! We can talk.

We could play cards

Ludo, bingo, anything you want.

I don't know... only with you in this room...

what would you think of me?

What do you expect me to think?

That I'm crazy!

Are you crazy? Not at all!

You must be crazy to think of something like that!

And I'm dressed! What would you think

me if I took my dress?

Taking off your dress would be natural.

With this water boiling, the steam becomes hot and...

Well, if that's what you think...!

Why are you naked?

Well, I'm very innocent

and if you had to take off the rest of your clothes

I think you're still suffering from the heat.

Yes, I'm still suffering from the heat.

You see?

If you were to undress

for the honor of my gunfighter.

Oh, slip of the tongue.

See? You are Bill Pistolas de oro!

You are the man who killed Pat Garrett and Liberty Valance

and Billy the Kid!

Me killing a pair of tits?

I mean, am I killing a child?

No way, I couldn't do that!

It's hot in here.

I don't know how you can stay in your clothes.

True. So, you have

sure you won't take it the wrong way?

I mean, taking off my clothes.

No, not in everything. Actually,

I think there are some clothes left.

Come on, it's good to take them off!

For my guns, I am feeling the heat too!

I'm leaving my league,

because I would never take in front of a man.

Well done!

You need to keep something so that

I can remove it with my teeth!

Hey, you're wetting all this!

Of course, I've just left the bathtub!

The problem is that my pants are stuck!

Next, do it with your pants!

Let's see if you're the to draw your weapon!

Wait, wait... I think it's stuck!

Look, Blackandecker. That's a man!

He's a real gunslinger!

How do you know that?

The way he looks at you!

It's hard, fast,

I don't know anything about it.

But his eyesight is worse than a short-sighted crocodile.

Good evening.

Look, they're all showing their buttocks!

Was the water hot?

Yes, thank you. And look, the smell is gone!

I smell like a baby.

- I smell perfume. - Your girls gave it to me.

We were told to be at your service, Mr...

Polonius Horace Plato.

- Polonium? - Yes!

Don't touch me!

What a name!

My father this by reading books by

certain subjects referred to as "classics".

Go away!

Would you like a drink?

Ehmmm...

You see... I only drink my magic elixir.

What is it made of?

I mix a few crushed crushed coca leaves

with a few boiled stalks.

It cheers you up.

I think I'll call it Coca Cola or...

maybe I'll try a different name name, like Mirinda.

So... Polonium.

Yup.

Could your name be Bill Pistolas de oro?

Me? What a ridiculous name. Not at all.

Stop pretending... gunslinger!

We know you're that famous bounty hunter.

Me? A gunfighter? Please don't make me laugh!

- Who told you that? - The mayor.

That's why we're giving you whatever you want.

Anything...

and free of charge.

Just a moment.

So, since you think that I'm... the pis...

OK then.

I wanted to remain unnoticed, but...

my fame precedes me.

It's just the bottle.

Look. Here comes the other one.

Let's go.

Good evening. How are you?

Yes, that's fine.

Oh, you mean...? Yes, all right.

I'm happy.

My girls been good to you?

Your girls?

Oh yes. But the naive one is the best.

This guy had a lot of fun.

Would you like a drink?

Do you have skimmed milk? I don't want to get fat.

Hello, stranger.

Hello, Dolly.

More greetings.

How can a woman like own a farm?

An old friend of 80 old friend left it for me.

He wanted to abuse my innocence,

but his two women killed him.

Shit!

Blackandecker will take you there tomorrow

if you are interested.

That thing?

I think it's the high.

Yes, the other one looks very fragile.

Where the shooter's hand cannot reach, his weapon goes.

I think a scorpion is more dangerous than a coyote.

Let's not philosophize.

Of course, one of them must be the gunman.

Let's question both of them.

But who is the gunman? is the one who remains anonymous.

Let's question both of them,

but we must do it discreetly.

- Good evening, strangers. - Good evening, Mr. Mayor.

Good evening, gentlemen, gentlemen.

And thank you very much for your kindness.

Oh, and also for the naive. Well, you don't know about that.

That's the way we deal with strangers around here.

- Tourism brings wealth. - And security.

Okay, don't overdo it.

Who would like to play a game of poker?

I played for eleven hours,

when I was a child and I lost, so no.

- If the stakes are small... - It's not very big.

Just to kill time.

Sorry.

That's it...

When I hear the word "kill"

my hand wants to shoot.

Did I say "shoot"?

Say one more word and I'll shoot!

Relax! Relax...

Stella, bring us some drinks.

Yes, please do. Okay, everyone relax...

Tomorrow you're going to the ranch with this new guy.

He must have a good impression.

He will. It will seem like a palace.

How, Stella!

Which corner will you choose?

Five is the maximum. No joker.

How are we going to play?

So let's not play with beans

how do we play mus?

No. And there's a betting limit.

Don't clean the farmer. He should buy my ranch.

Sit down, gentlemen.

Let's see who gives.

Wow! You're very skillful.

I will.

So this game is with cards.

I open with $2.

I'll borrow one and we'll sort it out later.

Me too.

What a set of cards!

Look! They are all consecutive!

You should see mine!

- How many cards? -3.

Two.

I'll pass.

Peterson! We all have to play!

Okay, in that case...

Give me four.

I'll give you 4!

Me? I'm served.

Another two dollars.

Huh?

Let me open the safe.

I'll check it out.

I'll order some and we'll

solve it later. Okay?

Up to 5.

I'll see.

Me too.

At this rate I don't have any money for the ranch.

Unloading! Look, all of them in one line...

Well, you beat me to it.

- You win me over. - And so do I.

You're in luck.

Yes, he's won now, but next time it's my turn?

- You can count on it. - If you have good cards.

That's what I meant.

I'm playing cards with a lot of luck.

I also hope you have luck with women.

This seems to be the case, as of today.

US$ 5.

"I will"

Me too.

I'm winning.

How many?

I'm served.

That's fun.

Three.

One.

Two for me.

Two.

US$ 2.

US$ 5 more!

US$ 5.

What do you have?

All the same color!

He wins me over!

And me too.

I knew it!

That's a bad start.

- And now...! - Just a moment, settler!

All the cards are red.

But they're not the same. Take a look!

Oh well. We accept cards of the same color in this game.

- Did you see it? - Wait a minute!

I hope the rule applies to all of us!

This is serious, gentlemen!

Of course, it applies to everyone.

Okay, then. That's good.

Whose turn is it now?

I'm going to buy two farms!

How many cards?

Two for me.

Three for me.

You speak, settler.

This is the last hand, right?

Yes.

Then I open with $25.

- US$ 25? - That's your right.

Hey, I've already lost $150.

And I lost $130!

Okay. I'll call your bet.

Me too.

Me too.

There's my $25!

What do you have?

Royal flush!

Pair of aces!

Three aces!

Three aces?

Yes, look!

There are six aces in the set?

Yes. Here we play with six aces!

In fact, with 10. I have poker aces.

No, 14.

I also have four aces.

You play a strange kind of poker around here!

Yes. It's a regional variation.

So, what are we going to do?

We both have 4 aces each.

So you share the money like good friends!

So you split it, Polonius.

This pile is for me.

This pile is for you.

This big pile is for me.

- This is for you. - This village is very nice.

I think I'm going to be very happy here.

Kind people, money...

Beautiful, naive women...

Well... I mean...

It's a pleasant atmosphere.

You deserve it.

But we need someone, any of you

become the peacemaker.

I don't know, maybe someone...

with tiring glasses help yourselves.

And now, good night.

I need to get up early to see this ranch.

If you like him,

then just pay me so you can keep it.

Let's see. Let's see.

Good. In trust...

You're very kind.

But you have no idea how to play poker!

What we have to hear!

Bunch of idiots!

Hey, let's buy drinks for everyone!

Indian! Come here!

I think they've realized that we want to buy their services.

Only one is the real one Bill Pistolas de oro.

Who is the other? taking advantage of us.

Everything went well.

But Mr. First almost ruined it.

We had to give them good but you went overboard!

Well, since I am a banker

if I get four aces I

transpose them by 100,000!

I want a pair of jeans.

These are the best. They are indestructible.

Let's see.

Okay, I'll buy them.

They're the best jeans I've ever owned.

How much do I owe you?

That's US$2.

They are resistant.

And very cool too.

Just slow down!

Is there still a long way to go?

When on the prairie the coyote howls

on the third moon, pale faces will see.

Cut the crap!

- Two hours. - Then speak clearly, damn it!

I prefer my car than ride a horse.

And I have a big boil...

Where?

Where can you find it?

And why didn't you not stay in town?

Why did asked me to come.

We're getting closer.

I'm sorry, but

when I see the way you ride

I don't think you a gunman.

The boil affects my horse

but you don't Buffalo Bill.

- Do you see the brush? - Yes! Is it from behind?

- No! Do you see the stones? - Yes! Is it behind the stones?

No. It's 1 hour and 45 minutes behind the rocks.

Fucking Indian!

We should have taken a shortcut!

And this is the ranch?

- This is the ranch. - Holy...!

The soil doesn't looks very good.

He's good.

You'll see.

In addition, Manitou, the God of the Prairies protects.

Manitou or not, if you plant a

tomato here you a lizard!

At least there's ample parking lot.

What is he singing?

He's behaving like an Indian.

I am invoking the great Manitou to show us his power!

He's going to Euro vision.

It's incredible that nowadays they've invented the concorde

and with cabbage already invented

you can still find superstitious people.

Of course. Who's going to believe this nonsense?

You dig here.

I'll do it.

I planted a potato a month ago

as a test.

But nothing will grow in a month!

You dig, for Manitou!

OK, let's rip it off!

It's not possible. Cold, cold, cold.

- What does he say? - He says "cold, cold".

It must be to the right.

Hot, hot, hot!

He says "hot, hot"!

- It's burning! - Over here!

There's something here!

I'll help you!

Here it is!

Huh?

Great Manitou good for the pale faces

In one month, one potato turned into 2.5 kg.

Strange potatoes! They come in a bag!

Yes, strange! This looks like a supermarket!

Look! Even French fries!

They belong to Manitou's father!

The great chief Matutano.

Hey, Indian. I don't know if your skin is red

but you definitely have a cheek!

Me, servant of the great Manitou...

And also Miss Stella.

I dig to bury the potatoes with a sack

to fool you. Clever me.

She's clever, that Stella!

Yes, she wants to sell me a piece of desert,

as if it were agricultural land.

What's that?

Blackandecker!

How!

Go back to the city!

Chapulin has kidnapped the mayor's daughter!

We'll go when I finish singing!

No, Mayor.

This time, my grandmother didn't pass away.

My parents are getting married and I want to attend the wedding.

Take this coward away!

Come here, Sheriff!

Me, Sheriff... I mean

'Former sheriff' of this city

i am handing in my irrevocable resignation!

- As usual, I accept. - Okay, bye!

Ah, that bloody colon again!

We have to do something.

We can organize the inauguration, Yankee style!

She's right! I'm going!

She's my daughter!

Who's coming with me?

I can't leave the bank.

Someone should take care of the cobwebs!

I'd like to go

but I still need a shave!

I should go and get some boards to make coffins!

I can't go. I'm the doctor and

I have to take care the sheriff's colitis!

Don't worry!

Here come the saviors of my daughter!

Relax, we're here!

Don't go without us!

You both look so bold!

What happened?

Chapulin's gang kidnapped my daughter!

They want a ransom!

But I'm afraid this rascal wants something more!

That's easy to solve. Isn't it, Mr. Gunfighter?

Me a gunman? No, you're the gunman!

Me? No way!

But I'm going anyway.

Let's see. How many in the detachment?

Both of you!

The Indian Blackandecker will be your guide.

How brave!

Wait a minute. That doesn't smell good!

- Is no one else coming? - No, sir.

Everyone claims having a right to vote

but when we face the danger

everyone hides

and I'm the first.

Let's see. The three of us.

Well, the two of us and Mr. Rogelia

what can we do against these thugs?

You can start planting potatoes if you wish!

Polonius is a man and he's going to rescue that girl!

She's not even even a relative of mine!

You're going, Polonius!

If you want to share the salon and hotel with me

and stop being a of this Coca Cola

you must bring back Margaret Rose and save her.

And so will you!

Otherwise, I'll tell everyone

the kind of visitor you had last night!

Look at that...

Hey, I was thinking about going anyway!

We don't even have guns!

- Get some weapons! - Here are mine!

Ladies and gentlemen

let's get this girl back safe and sound

or we'll die trying!

We're going to die.

You're going to die.

That goes for all of you!

He reminds me of Paquirri, the bullfighter!

Stop shooting, man!

Why did we leave the horses so far away?

We've been tracking for an hour!

The Navajo says he is following.

Does he smell something strange?

No, he's smelling a woman.

Well, I mean women.

Well, the most is for me.

But I thought we were tracking a single one.

I don't know.

He is the guide, so let's follow him.

Why are we stopping now?

He must be looking for a better trail.

Big! My feet hurt!

Nothing important.

They're just buffalo.

You're camping two kilometers from here.

I stay here all night all night to investigate.

Allow me, it's been a long time since

It's not important! It's not worth it!

It's been a long time since since I've seen a buffalo.

This damned Indian!

The Indian is right. It's just buffalo.

In addition, there are some buffaloes.

Well, more than one.

And with a good pair of...!

With horns.

Polonio, you're camping 12 kilometers away from here.

I'm staying with the Indian case he gets lost.

Hey, those buffalo have a funny moo.

Let me see, they just moo

that way, when they are in heat.

Let's see.

Yes, they are buffalo!

You didn't play very pleasant.

I don't want to bother you, since you

is so taken by Miss Stella.

You just wanted to share the girls this filthy Navajo.

So, what are we going to do now?

We have to think about it.

This decision cannot be taken lightly.

First come, first served, is the first to be served!

Calm down, ladies!

We have come to save everyone from drowning!

I'll take what is not racist!

Don't worry, we're honest people.

Damn! The 7th Cavalry has arrived!

Don't shoot!

If you move I'll shoot.

And you can imagine where I'm going to aim!

And all of you, put some clothes on!

Let's not tempt them!

I'm sorry, Sergeant.

Can we talk more democratically?

All you have to do is to leave!

Otherwise, I'll have to shoot...

Yes! We can guess where!

You see, we...

we thought the girls were drowning.

Yes, drowning!

With soap and scrubbers?

My father drowned in a bidet.

Okay, get lost!

Do you know about Chapulin?

That Mexican animal?

I think he is in the village

nearby, a few kilometers from here.

We are looking for him.

He kidnapped the daughter of the mayor of Towermill.

- We're going to rescue her. - Who, you?

Do you find funny?

She's laughing at the Indian.

Poor girl.

We're all going

to work in Stella's Stella's salon in Towermills.

Do you know Stella?

Yes, we're very good friends.

Very good friends, really.

It's getting late.

She must have a clock hanging from that tree.

You can sleep with us.

We'll have dinner and tomorrow you can

go after Chapulin that pig.

Okay?

This is going to be a great night!

- It was a great dinner. - A little more coffee?

No, thank you, I can't sleep.

So are you dancers or...?

Poor girls, so naive!

Yes, we're also we're dancers too.

Aahhh, let's say are women of the night.

Yes, women of life...

Something like that.

You must be tired.

Two girls go to sleep under the wagon.

And three more inside the cart.

I'm more used to to sleeping underneath.

Fortunately, I don't stink anymore.

I prefer to be on top.

I mean, inside the wagon.

No!

You will all sleep by the fire.

Well, we thought that the girls

could be afraid of animals...

They know I'm watching from my tent.

Go to sleep! Tomorrow will be a long day.

Good evening.

Are they leaving?

My girls are decent.

And when they're not, they charge.

And if they charge, I get 1/3.

We are as broken as a thief

before day.

In that case, see you tomorrow.

Come here.

Let's bet to see?

Okay, let's see who the lucky one is.

OK. face up, crown down.

Face. Up.

OK.

Stay vigilant while we do our duty.

Pale faces always thinking about the same thing.

Like an Indian!

He's so handsome!

Indian! Where are your friends?

They went to watch the evening news.

I mean, the girls.

Well, you three.

And I'll take 1/3.

So... come inside.

Oh, Indians are lucky.

Of course, I'm getting the worst of it.

You speak after your commission!

Come in!

There's a lot of dust falling on my head!

Indians! Indians!

No, he's not Indian!

This is what the real west was.

But they never told us in the movies!

If I go to Manitou,

i'm going to die with my moccasins!

Good girls.

Yes, and hot!

They are like schoolgirls compared to their boss.

My dark circles are reaching my belly button.

Now we have to go to Palo Gordo to rescue

Margaret Rose of those bandits.

I don't see you qualified to do it.

Well...

I saw Richard Widmark doing this many times.

And he made it big!

But Richard is very Richard!

Goodbye!

Goodbye!

Let's go!

Good morning Good morning!

You speak Spanish very well.

That's what people who don't Spanish always say.

That's why I say it like this, I don't speak Spanish.

These are the words of people who like to speak Spanish.

And I know many more words.

These Mexican hats are a real pain!

And now...

we have to do something.

Margaret Rose must be trapped nearby.

Let's split up and look for her.

Are you here? I can hear you,

but I can't see him.

Let's go.

Fortunately, we met in the square

and not in a phone booth.

Miss, this is not good!

My men told me that he's refusing to eat.

Do you realize that if you lose weight, you'll be worth less?

- I want to be free. - Free? Hah!

That's silly, girl!

You could live here like a queen,

if you were more nice to Chapulin. I would!

Leave me alone!

And now you'll see!

You're so beautiful!

No! Where is my savior?

Holy!

These guys with Spanish blood are

always doing the same thing.

She's Margaret Rose!

Oh, my Chapulin!

She's eating him!

Hey, lady. Are you a student or do you work?

- Hey, Polonius! - Hey, Polonius!

Come on! She's over there!

Chapulin is raping her!

Well, let's wait until it's over.

It wouldn't be polite to interrupt him.

Let's go!

From a walk! She's hot...

- Where's the Indian? - Right over there.

No...

I'm Indian... from here.

Me from Bombay.

I'm Indian too.

But... if you're not Navajo,

nor Comanche

nor Seminole

so how are you an Indian?

And if you're not from India, then why are you Indian?

I don't know.

Life is full of of surprises.

They're calling you.

Sheba will protect him.

May Manitou understand.

I've never seen bigger in my life.

She's in a room in Rosita's hotel.

But Chapulin's gang is also there!

Won't you be afraid now famous gunman?

- Me, a gunfighter? - Yes!

Cut it out!

I was about to to take it and you...

How! Did you found the girl?

Yes! She's in bed with Chapulin.

This girl is a real man-eater!

No! It's force.

So, poor Chapulin.

No. She's the only one who is being forced.

Didn't he understand?

Since he dresses like a Mexican

that he forgot that he's an Indian.

If we continue

wasting time it will be finished by the time we arrive.

We won't have a fight in the west. I know we won't.

Are you sure she's here?

Yes, of course. In a room there.

They're too much. They'll beat us.

Let's speak Spanish to be friendly.

How do you say it in Spanish "Nice to meet you"?

I think it's...

"You're all a bunch of cuckolds!"

Well done.

You're all a bunch of cuckolds!

They don't seem very satisfied with us.

It's a pain when they don't understand our language.

Tell them they're very nice.

And how do you say that?

Wait, let me think.

Yes! Tell them...

"And also...

you're a bunch of pussies! "

And you're a bunch of pussies!

Why do they call my men "faggots"?

That's Chapulin.

Is there anything good I could say to him?

It never fails.

Hey, you're the biggest faggot of all!

He'll appreciate that.

And you're the biggest sissy of all!

Me?

Me a faggot?

Me!

Yes, of course.

What a punch!

That got off to a bad start.

Why did he hit me?

I tell him something good and...

because it was something good, wasn't it?

Indio, we're leaving.

These gentlemen have some issues to discuss.

And I'd better review the dictionary.

I may have used the wrong the wrong words.

Grab them! I want them alive!

- Good afternoon and goodbye. - Goodbye.

Calm down! What are they going to do with him?

Wait! Me Navajo!

Damn!

I can't see. Where is he?

He doesn't know that am a red belt.

Villain! You're a villain!

What did you say?

You pulled out all my wisdom teeth in one go!

Just a minute!

Let's sort it out!

Look at the two glasses!

And now, pay attention!

They're wilder than the gringos!

You're balanced!

Why don't we talk,

sitting on these stools...

Here are two flags!

My dear!

Stay away from her!

And you were running away with him?

The Navajo Indian invented the low blow.

Mother of God!

Beating these guys is hard work!

Going down...!

My cheeks hurt!

Are you sure I told them good things?

Yes.

But they are always angry about

because of his Spanish ancestry.

And now, let's rescue Margaret Rose!

Your tongue is sticking out.

If you find something soft and

red on the floor, don't step on it.

That would be my liver.

From now on I can only eat baby food.

You've made things easier for me, Chapulin.

I'll take her and ransom her, then she'll be mine.

Also, the guy in black?

Half of the West will have it!

Save me, Joe!

That's my girl, Bad Milk!

She was yours. Now she's mine.

Pay attention!

We'll shoot anyone who tries to follow us!

Come on, boys!

Joe!

Come on!

Help me, Joe! Please, Joe!

We go out the back door. The horse is there.

Get up! You're heavy!

My cheeks hurt!

I don't feel mine anymore.

You still have them.

Of course I do.

That won't be the end of it.

I'm going to kill them all!

All of you! On your horses!

It's refreshing!

It's incredible how many times they hit us.

The Black! Are they far away?

About 20 minutes!

I know that.

I'm asking how far away.

I'll find out.

I thought the Indian scouts put their ear to the ground.

No.

The grass can get into my ear.

- Shhh! Quiet! - What's wrong?

Seven men follow us.

One of them is Chapulin.

Four brown horses.

A black one.

And two brown ones.

You know the horses' hair,

listening to their gallops?

Go pull someone else's someone else's leg!

I don't listen to horses.

I see them...

If I don't get down on my knees

the bushes block my view.

How!

Let's go. We must hide from them.

Let's go to my tribe and hide there.

My bubble just burst!

Wait for me!

Here we salute more than in the army, how!

Put on these clothes.

Chapulin and his gang are about to arrive.

Are those clothes clean?

Don't be demanding! This is all I found!

Ah...

He's your father.

This is your tent.

When you're dressed, go out.

All corrected!

My tribe will protect us.

My grandfather, the Navajo chief, offers to help.

He won't betray us.

I talk a lot to an Indian.

That must have lice.

But they are big reserve lice.

Great Navajo Chief Seven Springs.

Let your horse rest and come

smoking a pipe with us.

I bring gifts for you,

great Navajo chief.

- Did you bring firewater? - Of course, man!

I brought a bottle of tequila.

Well, I prefer dry fennel liqueur.

Organize peace ceremony!

Ready to start the ceremony.

I'm ready.

I look like Romina Power with this wig.

And with so many feathers I could work for Parker pens!

Good fantasy.

The feathers are the best.

You sit in the circle.

Me too?

No. Not you.

Women don't smoke peace pipe.

So I'm a woman?

Yes. We couldn't find a man's suit in your size.

It's funny.

You're his daughter.

You respect and obey.

And what's my name?

Come up with something. Let's go!

My name will be Left-wing wizard.

Our friend Big Hat brings us

gifts and a message.

Let's hear it.

Chapulin friend of the Navajo Indians!

Chapulin brings water fire to warm up

throats of the warriors!

In return, I ask for your help capture the bandits I'm chasing!

There are no strangers night in my tribe.

I swear to Manitou!

Now, let's smoke pipe of peace.

Later, you spend the night here.

This beast is looking at me.

He is Taurus, a fierce warrior in his sleep.

Why does he look at me like that?

You're in luck. I think he liked you.

Do I have to suck this shit?

They all do.

If Chapulin been here

I wouldn't suck that shit!

If the Mexicans weren't here

I didn't dress like a young lady.

See how the Indians smoke together?

Soft leaves?

No.

It's dried buffalo droppings

mixed with goat hair.

Low in nicotine.

Can you smoke without sucking?

Of course.

You could have told me before. I've already licked everyone's saliva.

The guy with the horns scared me!

He liked you.

He wants to buy you then marry you.

But you're not sell me, are you?

Well, it all depends on the price.

You answer to your daughter's husband.

Me?

- But in Navajo? - Yes, totally in Navajo.

I'm going to surprise these guys.

Me, Wizard of the Left, tell you...

You've been sold, cutie.

No way! I refuse!

In my tribe women have no rights,

then shut up!

Come on, Prairie Flower.

Hey, wait a minute.

How could I marry an Indian?

It will probably be a civil wedding.

I want to be groom's best man.

This is going to suck!

You also have to put a cloth there

white to prove that you are a virgin.

Hey, fellas, let's have a drink.

The Indians are going to celebrate the ceremony.

We're going to sleep.

Tomorrow we have to accompany these idiots.

And also Bad Milk.

Let's go!

Polonius, this guy is very strong.

And if he wants to make me a mother, he'll succeed!

You wouldn't be the first. You might even have fun.

Dad! I'll strangle you!

Don't kill me, child!

Just a moment.

You and the Indian go out and take some stakes.

I'll push you, and when you feel your

head on the canvas you hit him hard!

Poor Taurus. He's so in love with you.

What do you mean in love with me?

The Bull wants his cow.

I mean his fiancée.

And I'm not ready...

I give it to him.

Sleeping bull, here's my little girl.

- She's a bit fat... - Oh, come on, Dad...!

but she's the most beautiful girl in the tribe.

I'm not losing a daughter. I'm gaining a Bull!

Tell Grandpa to go to bed. We've got work to do.

Go away, Grandpa!

Don't go too fast. You'll be disappointed.

Put your hand in place!

You'll get something you don't expect!

If you see a bulge, hit it.

What if it's Joe?

Hit it anyway, just to be safe.

So much for Romina Power.

You're so impatient!

Come here, darling. Put your head here.

Look out, it's me!

Don't put your hand in there. It'll get you into trouble!

Uh, that hurts!

Sorry...

Put me down, darling. That's it.

Come with me. Come...

Off you go!

That's it!

It's a miracle that I'm keeping

both my head and my virginity.

Hats off, my king.

That's it. And now let's dance.

Now!

Does it work?

Say it again!

Oh, Manitou, Manitou...

What's next?

Let's do this again, just in case.

You almost broke my skull.

There's no time.

Sleeping Bull will wake up soon!

- Are you still a virgin? - Only by chance.

But you hit me!

Ok Prairie Flower. Where are we going?

We're going to Stella's ranch.

There we can work on a plan of attack!

We can't go back to city without the girl.

That damn wig!

They're the men from Bad Milk!

What are they doing at Stella's ranch?

Bad Milk wants to buy Stella's ranch.

- Why? - Indians don't know.

If Bad Milk is there

will also be Margaret Rose.

We'll find out.

One more time?

I'm going to become the most raped in the entire west!

I don't care anymore!

Do whatever you want to me, you're a bad man!

Get up!

Huh? Is it standing this time?

At least you're innovative.

- What position? - Stay away!

Here's my treasure!

This is from several years of robberies and looting.

Who could find him in an abandoned ranch?

Why do you show me?

Maybe you and I could go to Switzerland.

We can put it in a Swiss Swiss bank and live like royalty.

I don't know. Strange things are

happening to me lately.

What if you don't like me?

Are you in favor of sex before marriage?

Well, I need to be sure. I'm not going to walk a tightrope.

And if I'm not being frequently raped

I don't get any motivation.

Well, if that's why, let's go...

No! No! No!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Oh, Bad Milk!

Oh, yes! That way!

- Again? - We have to save her!

No. I think we should save the bad guy.

Take a look. Bad Milk's treasure.

That's why he wanted to to buy Stella's ranch.

Let's go.

No, I want to see how it ends.

They can see us.

I want to copy this man's style!

- I like it! I like it! - You're an immoral pig! Let's go!

That way, quickly.

We have to do something.

We should go in, rescue the girl,

take the money and back to the city.

Yes, and we can also take a hot air balloon ride!

You stay here. I have an idea.

You great gunslinger. Why do you let him go alone?

Me a gunfighter? I only pretended to be

one to impress Stella.

But I get dizzy if I see a bullet.

If none of you are Bill Pistolas de oro

Indian is in trouble.

Let's help him I also have an idea.

Stop! What do you want?

I bring the new phone books.

Who's there?

A guy with new phone books!

- Is he armed? - I have a can opener.

No!

- Let him in! - OK, go.

I bring the new phone books...

- Is the boss here? - He's busy right now.

Don't worry, I'll wait inside.

Hello.

Which way?

On the right.

This is very clean when you consider

that we are in the desert.

Could the holder sign this for me, please?

He can't be bothered. He's too busy.

Busy... yes, of course.

What's all that noise?

This guy is asking for you.

- Is he armed? - No, Steve has already searched him.

What do you want? We're busy.

I brought the new phone books.

OK, give him the old ones.

- Which old ones? - Damn it! There's no phone here!

This volume of yellow pages still carries a gun!

Everybody put your hands up!

We are in a trap.

If anyone speaks, I'll I'll kill the boss.

Drop your weapons!

It was a trap. Drop your weapons!

Listen to this dwarf.

Don't call me that or you'll regret it!

Margaret Rose!

Come on, you've been saved!

There's no end to it. Up, down, inside, outside...

And now you. Tie each other up.

Bad Milk, take off your clothes!

He's just got dressed.

Cover yourself, you tramp!

Go into the bedroom and bring the treasure chest.

OK. OK. What a busy life.

Start stripping down.

Don't be shy, even Indian saw you naked.

Good morning, brothers.

He doesn't mean "how", but

yes "keep all bad thoughts from your mind".

OK. So, what what do you want?

We've come to pick up brother Bad Milk

he's going to marry Margaret Rose.

Bad Milk getting married?

Yes, brother. And Father Coscolio will perform the ceremony.

- I'm Father Coscolio. - I don't believe it.

OK, then look.

Hey, let them through!

Then let's go!

Get up there quickly!

Indian, you take the breast!

Come on, now, they can break free!

And don't joke about how clothes fit me!

Nobody said anything!

- But they're big. - Shut up!

Let's go!

That's fast!

The clutch engaged too early!

May the Holy Virgin and Manitou be with you.

Goodbye, boys! See you later!

It's incredible how marriage humiliates men.

The boss seemed smaller.

We're back!

We've already rescued the mayor's daughter!

Dad!

My daughter!

Daddy, I'm safe!

Margaret Rose!

Thanks to these heroes,

they saved your your life and your honor!

We saved your life, but your honor...

And we brought everything that

these bandits have stolen over the years.

Let's go to the saloon and celebrate!

I'll pay for the drinks!

Attention, attention!

The Chapulin gang Bad Milk are uniting!

They agree for the first time!

They say they will reduce this city to ashes!

Every man for himself!

Mayor! Mayor!

I'm resigning again!

I must attend at the vote for

the autonomy of this territory!

OK, then go and vote!

What about the treasure?

I'll put it in the safe to replace the cobwebs!

Let's go to a hideout!

One moment! Don't run away!

It's time for all of you come together and defend

your properties and their lives!

This people united, will never be defeated!

I've already heard that somewhere else...

There are a lot of them, and they're great shots!

We are a piece piece of cake for them.

Archibald, let's go hide at home!

That's the wrong approach!

They will take advantage of you if you're afraid!

But we're scared!

You have to leave fear behind you!

Get some weapons!

Let's lead them into a trap!

We can't take justice with our own hands!

And what do we do when the law isn't helping us?

Which of you is the famous Bill Pistolas de oro?

I don't, I hate firearms.

None of them are gunmen. I understand a lot about that! Wow!

We're doomed!

Look over there!

Bill, we want a child from you!

Bill Pistolas de Oro!

It had to be him! My love!

He's the man in white man from the laundry!

Are your guns made of gold?

They are probably a fraud!

He likes to show off!

I AM BILL

And now...!

It's terrible!

I know why no one ever killed him

he's so low that the bullets pass right through.

And now, are you going to help me get rid of the bandits?

Now that you're here, there's no need to help.

We can't leave him alone facing danger!

Of course they can!

Remember Gary Cooper in High Noon!

He was taller than me!

We'll help you.

He's the man who killed Liberty Valance!

That was James Stewart. I just kicked his ass!

Well, you can have the reward!

We're going to watch the shooting from home!

That's not fair! We must help this man!

I've seen it before in Johnny Guitar.

I couldn't find this video.

Don't worry!

We're all going to help!

Let's get ready, girls!

I'd like to help,

but I hurt my hand with the reins.

I will help! I will help!

OK, let's prepare a plan of attack!

The last time I used that, they died...

with his boots. Oh, well...

Come on, chickens!

Get out, cowards!

Where are the men? There are only fags here!

As usual, everyone hides.

Come on, boys, have everything you want.

It's all ours!

Come here, Stella!

Get out of here!

I have nothing against you, Stella.

But I should kill her for trying to sell the ranch.

He's mine!

But you knew I wanted it! I told you one day in bed!

Men say a lot of of nonsense in bed!

Don't argue, we'll take the village!

Let's have a few drinks, on the house!

Right, Stella?

If you drink, you pay!

OK, beautiful, let's pay!

Open up!

Here!

Grab your clothes and your weapons!

Why the clothes?

Because a man in underwear is nothing!

Oh, it's made in wood.

Manitou, that is shit!

Look, look!

I saw her first!

Hello, beautiful!

Hurry up! Take off your clothes!

Wait! I'm unarmed! My arm is hurt!

What's next?

I can handle this one hand!

Freeze!

I'm an invalid! Can I help you?

Tell me what you have hidden!

OK, here goes!

That's all I had hidden.

Sorry, you out of luck!

Where are these two bandits?

I'm here!

Come after me, you cowards!

Who is calling us?

What would become of me!

And who are you?

A donkey!

I'm the only one who will kick

you and Bad Milk that idiot here!

You'll have to kill us first!

Well, if you insist...

You wear a lot of white. Do you know who you remind me of?

An ice cream man!

Many idiots told me before I died!

Ice cream...

My hands are itching...

Give me a chance.

Draw your weapons!

Only Bill Pistolas de oro can do that!

That's what they call me, strange.

Please, my friend, don't kill us!

We have nothing against you!

But these people are my friends.

And I can't ugly!

Now get out of town!

If you come back,

I'll pierce their hearts with my golden bullets!

This is my reward for 100 years of honesty.

We love you, Bill!

He's a hero!

Thanks, Bill! You've earned your reward!

thank you, but I can't take it.

With this money go to Washington

and ask the President to send someone to look after

your security from East to West.

What about you?

As usual, I go from here to there...

Always bringing justice.

Like Robin Hood.

Like Don Quixote. Like the Smurfs...

I don't know these bounty hunters

but I'm going to travel like Bill Pistolas de oro!

My faithful horse Silver. I knew you were around!

Bill, what about me?

Well, after his last activity of the day,

you can try to find a gullible person somewhere.

And I'm sorry for him, whoever he is!

It's time to leave.

Goodbye, my friends!

I've gone too far!

He fell!

He's going on a tour in France!

Goodbye, friends!

There's a in the sky

Long John White Label, Chivas,

Spanish whisky DYC sucks

the best is White Horse.

My name is Bill Golden guns.

My horse is Silver Away!

I cross the west

killing the bad people.

I love the girls

that I find on my way.

I hate gunmen

who live very outside the law.

And this is how the story of "East to West.