Original subtitles

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- Get the ball! - Get the ball!

There, you see, Professor Hicks?

The school is in desperate need of athletic equipment.

The girls need sports, they want sports,

and besides, it's good for them.

- I know what's good for the girls. - Oh, Mother.

Yes, in my day we kept our noses in books,

and didn't run around dressed like...

fan dancers.

It's useless to argue, Benson.

Mrs Cattsby's generous donation will be used for the salaries

of the three European professors

- who arrive today to join our faculty. - Oh, that reminds me!

We'd better start preparing for their arrival.

That's Mother for you!

I'm goin' across the street, men, for a sandwich.

Now listen, when the customers come in, give 'em service.

Now, this is your first day on the job,

so show me that you got what it takes.

Don't be afraid to push those sponges around.

Use a little elbow grease.

Suppose it's knee-action?

Grrr! What's the idea?

Mistaken identity.

Hiya, pal!

Okay, boss, you can trust us.

Carry on!

You heard what the boss said. He's a pretty nice guy.

Now we'll grease their elbows, and I'll grease their palms.

- Carry on! - Carry on!

What'll it be, stranger?

Put in ten gallons of gas. I'm goin' across the street for a sandwich.

Okay, boys, super service. Carry on!

Right, right, right, right.

Well, I guess we might as well have lunch here, gentlemen.

- Ja. - Ja.

Right, right, right, boys, right, right, right.

- Swing it! - Give 'em that super service.

Elbow grease, eh?

- Thank you. - Super serv...

Hold it.

Super service. Help yourself.

Gesundheit. Super service.

Mein Gott!

I've never seen something like this in my life!

Nothin' like a clean windshield, gents.

- Why, I never saw such service in all my life. - Hey!

- Throw me that polish! - Right!

That's what you call...

- Don't do that. - What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Hold it!

What's all the rumpus here?

Take it easy, field marshal. Sit down.

You don't know what you're doing. Go round there and help him.

- I'll finish this. - Right!

Hey, we gotta clean the spark plugs. Get the tools.

- Okay, finish this. - Right.

- Right. - Right.

Come on, hurry up!

Super service!

Wait!

Don't you men know you're not supposed to open a body

unless you sterilise your hands?

Super service!

Hey, can you guys give me a little help?

I need some repairs.

We're pretty busy, pal, but we'll be glad to let you use the tools.

Save us from workin' on the job.

All right men, a little super service.

You check the battery. You check the tyres.

What are you gonna check? I'm gonna check you guys.

Right. Right. Right. Right.

Don't worry about nothin'. I'll just have it done in a minute here, bud.

I never saw such goings... What is this?

- Just as I thought. - What?

What... What you doing?

Take it easy, now.

What kind of a place is this?

Let go! Let go of my leg.

Hey! What are you trying to do?

I'm gonna press his pants.

Well, leave him alone and check the tyres like I told ya.

Right!

Don't do any more now.

Only one ahead of you. You're next.

Right!

- Stop it! Stop it! - Quiet.

Larry? Give!

Okay? Okay?

Hey, what's the matter with you?

I just got this fella cleaned up.

Shut it off!

Larry, shut it off. Stop it.

- Stop it! Stop it! - Please!

Are you hurt? Are you all right?

Get up outta there. Ya see what ya did, huh?

Now I gotta clean those guys up again.

Ow!

Don't stand around idle.

You put in the water. You put in the gas.

- Get movin'. - Right, right, right, right.

Sorry, gents, but this can happen in the best of places.

- I'll have you cleaned up in a jiffy. - Ja, I suppose so.

Take it easy now, boys.

Everything's all right. That's all right now.

Now, hold still, now.

Just a minute, I'll have a towel right away.

Just take it easy, fellas.

Hey, d'ya put the water in?

Ah, you never do anything right.

- What's happened? - It's murder. It's arson.

Let's get outta here!

Hey, Curly, come on!

Hey, Moe, Larry!

- What's the matter? - We're outta gas.

- Outta gas? - Whaddaya think this thing is, a camel?

We been goin' for over three hours. Let's get outta here.

Hey, wait a minute. Didn't we forget somethin'?

- I can't think of anything. - How about Curly?

Curly?

Cur...

- He's in the car! - Curly!

- Hey, Curly! - Open the door!

Hey, Curly!

He's frozen!

Get him outta there!

Oh, a frozen dainty, eh?

He's as stiff as a plank. What are we gonna do with him?

We'll build a fire under him and thaw him out.

Come on. Get him into the woods.

Get your arm under here.

Okay.

Up we go.

He's done on this side. Turn him over.

Twenty minutes to a pound.

We'll be here a month.

Whoo! Ow! Ow!

What happened? Get me off here!

- He's burnin', Moe! - He's done.

Easy now, kid. Easy.

Easy, kid, I'm gettin' ya.

He's gonna fall!

Easy, kid. All right, easy.

Are you all right? Take it easy, kid. Come here.

- Gimme your hand. Gimme your hand. - Give us your hand.

- Gimme your hand. Gimme your hand. - Whoa!

Now look at the mess you've got us into.

Wait a minute! What about those suitcases

I put in that ice cream truck?

There might be some dry clothes in them.

That's a good idea. Let's go and look.

I oughta beat your brains in, and I think I will.

Ow!

Hey, wait for me!

I ain't going anyplace.

They've stopped.

Look! They must be our three professors.

Yes, yes, indeed.

Welcome to Mildew!

I guess she means us. Let's go.

- Oh, Professor Von Stupor. - Stupid? I guess you mean him.

We have a grand day planned.

First, a visit to the classrooms,

then a reception, and a buffet luncheon.

I never ate a buffet, but I bet you got something there.

Look out. Let me get in there, will ya?

Oh, you'll just love it.

Mildew has a lovely student body.

Yours wouldn't be so bad either, if you took off about twenty pounds.

- What? - Come on, sister, let's go.

Thank you, girls.

Henceforth, Mildew College will take its place

among the world's greatest institutions of learning.

No other school can boast of having such distinguished educators

as Professors Feinstein, Frankfurter, and Von Stupor.

Say, I'll meet you in the gymnasium, next to the dumbbells.

You'll know me. I got a hat.

And now, I'm going to call on Professor Feinstein

to tell you something of his famous theory.

Oh, me. I'm Professor Feinstein.

Any questions?

Is it true that time and space are calculated

by the direct ratio of interplanetary magnetism to solar radiation?

What do you think?

I think we're gonna have trouble with this dame.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna... Sit down!

I'm gonna test your mental coord... Sit down!

I'm gonna test your mental coordination with a little... Sit down!

...with a little number called 'Swingin' the Alphabet'.

- Swing it, brother, swing it. - Right, right, right.

I'll explain it so even you can understand.

My colleagues will assist.

Ready, sister? Get that junk outta here.

Come on, boys, scram.

Now, I'll give you the idea in a nutshell.

"B-A bay, B-E bee,

"B-I bicky-bye, B-O bo"

I'll give you the correct demonstration.

Cutie-pie, pound those horse teeth.

♪ B-A bay, B-E bee

♪ B-I bicky-bye, B-O bo

♪ Bicky-bye-bo, B-U boo

♪ Bicky-bye-bo-boo

♪ C-A say, C-E see

♪ C-I sicky-sye, C-O so

♪ Sicky-sye-so, C-U soo

♪ Sicky-sye-so-soo ♪

Get the idea, girls?

Now, we'll all join together on the letter D.

♪ D-A day, D-E dee

♪ D-I dicky-dye, D-O do

♪ Dicky-dye-do, D-U doo

♪ Dicky-dye-do-doo

♪ F-A fay, F-E fee

♪ F-I ficky-fye, F-O fo

♪ Ficky-fye-fo, F-U foo

♪ Ficky-fye-fo-foo

♪ G-A jay, G-E jee

♪ G-I jicky-jye, G-O jo

♪ Jicky-jye-jo, G-U joo

♪ Jicky-jye-jo-joo Ta-da-da-da

♪ H-A hay, H-E hee

♪ H-I hicky-hye, H-O ho

♪ Hicky-hye-ho, H-U hoo

♪ Hicky-hye-ho-hoo

♪ J-A jay, J-E jee

♪ J-I jicky-jye, J-O joe

♪ Jicky-jye-jo, J-U joo

♪ Jicky-jye-jo-joo

♪ K-A kay, K-E key

♪ K-I kicky-kye, K-O ko

♪ Kicky-kye-ko, K-U koo

♪ Kicky-kye-ko-koo

♪ L-A lay, L-E lee

♪ L-I licky-lye, L-O Io

♪ Licky-lye-Io, L-U loo

♪ Curly's a dope.

♪ M-A may, M-E me

♪ M-I micky-mye, M-O mo

♪ Micky-mye-mo, M-U moo

♪ Micky-mye-mo-moo ♪

Oh, Duncan,

Mother said to announce luncheon as soon as it's ready.

I shall do so at once, Miss.

Luncheon is served.

Oh, super service.

All right. Easy now, fellas. Take your time.

There's enough for every...

Don't you know it's bad etiquette to reach in front of a person

when said person is trying to snag a morsel of food?

Head him off around here! I'll get him down here!

Oh, someone, help!

Oh somebody, do something! Help him! Help him!

Hold still, kid. I'll get ya.

I can't do a thing with him. You try somethin'.

Oh, a wise guy, eh?

Aargh!

From now on, you're on your own. That's gratitude for ya.

Do you think we'd better call a doctor?

No, if he had an ounce of initiative, he'd swallow the thing.

Oh, Mrs Cattsby.

- Yes? - May I see you?

Certainly.

- Some terrible mistake. - A mistake?

- Yes... - I am Professor Von Stupor.

I beg your pardon!

Ready... go!

A bulls-eye!

This is the last straw.

Tonight we return to Hamburg on the clipper.

I never heard of such a thing.

You never heard of what?

He's gonna get a hamburger with a zipper.

Wait.

We will mix them a formula

- they will never forget. - Gut!

Gentlemen, I demand an explanation.

Oh, don't worry, lady, let 'em go.

What this college needs, anyway, is athletics, football.

- And basketball. - I can do very nicely with a highball.

What do you mean?

Ooh! Oh!

Come on outside, lady. We'll demonstrate.

- Come on, toots. - Come on, girls.

Now, just try and visualise, lady, a beautiful spring afternoon.

- The flowers are in bloom. - The bees are making honey.

And Seabiscuit is making six furlongs in one ten flat.

Oh!

Quiet.

The grandstands are filled to capacity.

And look, I see a diamond.

- Where? - Where?

Just old-time prospectors.

All right, break it up.

- Now, Mrs Cats... - Cattsby.

- All right, Cattsby. - Suffern-Cattsby.

Oh, sufferin'... Hey, will you quit hecklin' me?

Come on, men, break it up.

Any luck? Ah, he gets all the breaks.

- Yeah, I found a Corona. - A Corona?

It was a Corona-Corona, but I only found half of it.

Shall I put in a little of this?

- Just a little, about one quart. - Gut.

You see, basketball is very difficult to explain without a basketball.

Has anyone a basketball handy?

Ssh!

Any kind will do.

Crow-flight, Baby Dimple...

Oh, thank you!

That's what I call super service.

Come on, men, we'll demonstrate. Forward pass.

- What's the meaning of this? - Don't worry, Mother.

Point nine, swing it!

Hey, what's the idea?

She intercepted it. Come on, let's get it.

Run, lady! Your team's gettin' all the breaks.

Get up out of here.

Get up! Out of the way!

Mrs Cattsby's ball on her own five-yard line!

I've had just about enough of this, gentlemen.

A fumble! A fumble!

I've never been so humiliated in my life.

But I'll forgive everything and give the school an athletic fund

if you'll just get those three poor professors back.

Hey, fellas, get rid of that ball. The lady's got a proposition.

There you are, lady. That's what I call super service.

- But look at them! - Oh, that's all right.

We'll have them cleaned up in a minute.

- Carry on, men! - Right, right, right.

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