Original subtitles

- Hi, friends.

My name is Danielle Pinnock.

I feel like I'm at a spa.

I got my cute robe on.

I'm giving Four Seasons.

(upbeat music)

- [Vic] Today we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

- Oh my gosh.

- [Vic] They have no idea who or what

they're about to become.

Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

This is "Very Important People."

- I can't wait to see it.

Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm at prom.

Oh my god

This is a dream.

Oh, I look snatched.

I don't have no eyebrows like Whoopi Goldberg.

I just love this.

Oh my god, I'm so cute.

Is she a little punk, punk rocker?

My mom would never let me get this at Claire's.

I am obsessed.

She been through battle too.

She looks so cute,

but she looks like she been through something.

What happened here, sis?

I think she probably is a DIY girl.

She played herself, but that's okay.

But she means well.

(laughing)

Hey, guys, how you guys doing over here?

(clearing throat) Just gimme one second.

Lemme go try to find my fairy dust.

She can fly.

Look at us.

We're already going.

She can fly.

You know, it's not much.

But she can, she's lifting off.

LeBron James, watch out.

We got my little New York fairy.

Yes!

This is everything.

(upbeat music)

- We all have a story to tell,

and sometimes those stories need to be shared

with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,

back with another edition of "Very Important...

People."

Please introduce yourself.

- I'm Ta'Tania Jackson, and I'm a dominatrix.

(funky music)

I run a business, a small business,

called A Midsummer Night Peen.

- We are so thrilled to have you here today.

We tried booking you on our show a couple of times.

Hard to book you.

- I know, I be fucking a lot, but it's okay.

- I wish.

- Yeah.

- What does the fairy community look like?

- I live in Brooklyn in Canarsie

with a lot of other Brooklyn fairies.

It's just a whole bunch of city girls.

Like, we just be out here just trying to like, you know,

talk to dudes

and we just be like trying to make money,

and that's really it.

It's fabulous.

- That is just incredible.

Now what I know about fairies,

typically they live in trees, a little bit whimsical.

Where are these New York City fairies living?

- We just right in Brooklyn. - Like renting?

- No, we just, out here, we're fairies.

We don't rent.

Like, we just out here.

We magically, you know? - Of course.

- Like we be at bodegas and stuff.

- I went to a bodega once and they said, "Get outta here."

- What was your order? - A roll.

- Okay. - Untoasted and-

- Very good, you know.

- So, can I ask, I think dominatrix

and I am not gonna lie, my familiarity with it

is typically the human side of dominatrix.

- Oh yeah, we talk to humans too.

- Well, my question is, how much is your life

is dictated by magic?

And how much of your life is dictated by your human side?

- Oh, I'm a hundred percent black girl magic.

- Oh, wonderful, wonderful. - Yeah, a hundred percent.

- So that translates into the fairy community as well.

- Oh, well, not every fairy is black,

but like, specifically me, because I'm the C-E-Ho,

I got all the magic and I can kind of like douse it out.

- Does your magic change the way you interact with somebody?

'Cause typically how I think of a dominatrix

is they come in and you sort of hear about

what the person wants and they take control.

- Should I walk you through a tutorial?

- I would love that, if you don't mind.

- Okay, yeah, absolutely.

Do we have any whips?

- If we can get our PA to bring out the whip, please.

- Oh, yeah. - We got a couple

of your dominatrix items here.

- I'm finna do the tutorial on you.

- He can't talk, and we can't ask him, actually.

(playful music)

- Oh, okay, Pa, that's the name, right?

- It can be.

- Okay, fantastic.

So I'm gonna just need you to come back here.

So I'm gonna lead you, choo choo, here we go.

Okay, the first thing, when you trying to be a dominatrix,

you gotta ask consent.

Is it all right if I touch you?

Get on your knees.

- Okay.

- That's part one. - I love that.

- Okay, good. - Maybe can I

do it with you?

Is that all right?

- Yeah, I think you absolutely should.

- Wow, okay, I love this.

- Get involved.

This is a teachable moment.

I'm about to knock him out.

You ready for that? - Yes.

- All right.

Boom shocka locka, boom shocka locka, boom.

Nod, boom. - Oh god.

- Okay, so that's the thing.

We got consent, so it's all right.

And I made him sign a contract.

- PA?

- He's all right. - PA?

- He's all right. - He's out, he's out.

- You good?

Do the head, I'm gonna do the legs.

- Is there a way to wake him up?

- Do the head, I'm gonna do the legs.

- Okay.

- Don't mess with me today. - Okay.

- This is work. - Right.

- Okay, ready? - Okay.

- Ready? - Yep, yep.

- Okay? - Okay.

- All right, here we go, boom!

- Boom. - Boom.

- Boom. - Strong girl.

- Okay, we can cut the cameras actually for this part.

- Come on.

Lemme see if I can figure out the spell for waking him up.

- [Vic] Okay.

- Wait, let me.

- We know the spell.

- Lemme test this out real quick.

- Okay.

- Lemme test this out real quick.

- Okay, let's just try.

Let's get him, let's get him up.

- Ba da ba ba ba, I'm loving it.

Okay, that didn't work. - Love that jingle.

It's fine, okay.

- We might be in a situation here.

- Wake up!

- Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Mm-mm, didn't work, can't remember.

- Okay, so a lot of sort of jingle-based ones.

- [Ta'Tania] Yeah, I remember 'em.

- Did, Carfax.

? O, O, O, O'Reilly's auto parts ?

? O'Reilly's ?

- No, mm-mm, that's not it, that's not it.

- Okay.

What about

? Good things grow in Ontario ?

Might be a little regional.

- Popeye's, Popeye's, Popeye's.

- Popeye's. - No, mm-mm.

? One, eight, seven, seven, cars for kids ?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Okay. - Okay, you know what?

He seems to be sleeping,

so we are just gonna move into a more comfortable place.

So why don't we just move him to a more comfortable place.

- I'm so sorry.

- Oh, he's fine.

- And I don't have the-

- And we got a nice, we got a nice pillow spot out back

that we can move him to.

So we're gonna cut right to commercial

and we will be right back.

- Okay.

I'm so sorry.

- Okay, we gotta.

(bright sparkling) (camera shutter clicking)

(bright music) (lunch bell clanging)

- Mm, mm, mm that breakfast bell is ringing.

You know what that means?

Mommies and daddies and partners and boyfriends

running in from the field just in time for breakfast.

And what's being served?

Chomsky's potato chips.

America's tastiest, heartiest, crispiest chip.

Yum, now that's delicious.

(bright sparkling) (camera shutter clicking)

And we are back.

Thank you so much for joining us once again.

Oh, you can take as many of those as you'd like.

- Yeah, I kind of like get, eat when I'm stressed.

- Wrapper was on.

- Yeah. - So.

We have a game that we'd like to play with you.

It's a favorite one here in studio called What's In My Bag?

- Mm, okay.

(playful music)

- We're gonna have a PA come grab our,

I'm gonna go grab our, our bag.

'Cause our PA is napping.

Okay.

Fun, I love this.

Well, the, take a look at that.

This is your bag, correct?

Yum, yeah, yum.

- Okay, wow.

Can you tell me a little bit about this bag?

Where did you get this?

- Oh, I got it on Canal Street.

So this is bootleg Chanel.

- Well, wonderful.

Well, we're gonna go ahead and take a peek in this bag.

- Okay, yep. - So what is this?

- It's a weapon.

- Okay.

For what?

- Shanking.

- Okay, so I'm gonna do that.

And sort of get that over there.

And actually you have on camera the,

how I touched them and when I touched them.

Okay, next, this is interesting.

Haven't seen one of these in a while.

- Oh yeah, pager.

- What is the pager for?

- Oh, when I get my calls from my suitors.

- What does an average evening with a suitor look like?

- Oh my gosh, it's everything.

Well, it depends on what the suitor is.

So if it's a Wall Street suitor,

you know, it's not gonna be great.

- What does a dominatrix session with them look like?

- I make them feel like a bitch.

- Really? - Yeah.

- What kind of things are we saying?

- All kinds of things.

We're plugging, we're swifting.

- The Dow is down. - A lot of Downy tissues too.

- Really? - You know, Downy,

the little fabric soft- - The fabrics, yeah, sure.

- Dawn soap too.

It gets messy.

- Are you, are you cleaning their apartment?

Is that what's happening?

- No, no, no, no, no, I'm cleaning them.

- I see. - Yeah.

- Wall Street man calls first.

Who's calling next?

- Oh, well I think I'm getting called right now, actually.

Hold on. - Yeah, and it's buzzing.

May we ask?

- Hold on, this doubles as a phone too.

Hello? - Oh.

Fun.

- Sorry, this is my bad ear.

I gotta get the antenna right on this ear.

- Oh, I see.

- Hello?

(man's voice on phone)

It's fuzzy.

Who is this?

Hi.

Yeah, what do you want?

I'm on a show right now.

I'm on a show.

Can you tell, can you say hi, so?

- Okay.

Hello, I'm Vic Michaelis of "Very Important People."

- Yes.

It's that show with the person in the brown suit.

Yes, the tacky brown suit with the brooch.

You're outside?

I cannot have sex with you right now.

I'm on TV.

Okay, you know I'm, I'm gonna hit you later.

Okay.

- Can I ask who was that?

They sounded like a voice I recognized.

- Oh, that was Denzel Washington.

- That is incredible. - Yeah, it's a few of them.

- Do you see a lot of celebrities?

- Oh, a lot, a lot, a lot.

Living and dead.

- Is this a tell-all moment

where I can ask who some of your clients are?

- Oh, absolutely.

President Taft.

- President Taft? - Yeah.

- Of the United States? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was kind of fun.

He got stuck in the tub, you know,

it was a whole waterworks thing.

He wanted to feel like he was in SeaWorld.

It was wild.

- Now what did SeaWorld mean to him?

Like the amusement park?

- Oh no, we just threw fishes on him.

- On him. - mm-hmm.

- We have a photo of you and President Taft right over here.

- Oh yeah, that's Tafty.

It's a lot of lobsters, but that's all right.

- I think for me, I just wasn't expecting him

to be in that outfit.

- Oh yeah, well, you know, that's what he likes.

- It's so nice that you tailor the experience to the person.

- Oh my gosh, yeah.

Because recently I was just talking to Seal.

- Seal the singer?

- "Kiss on a Rose," yeah.

- Yes, on a ring.

What did Seal have to say?

- He real mad that he not with Heidi Klum right now.

- We always suspected. - It's real bad.

So it's a lot of hearing that.

I'm kinda like the therapist.

- So you really do it all.

- Oh yeah, I'm a fairy of all trades.

- How does that take its toll on you?

- Well, I'm an empath. - Can I be honest?

I feel like I feel a lot.

And like people are always coming on my show

and being like, "Oh, oh, like, interview me, interview me."

Well, why don't you try interviewing me?

You know?

- If you want to do this, it's gonna be $300.

- Right, right.

- Just no shade.

- Right. - I can go all in, but-

- And you're a professional.

- It's gonna cost. - And you should be paid

for your work.

- And I think because it's you, I think you have money.

'Cause this is kind of, this is big business here,

so we're gonna have to bring that up to a thousand.

- Do you mean that?

This looks like big business?

- Yeah, this is, this is giving, this is, this is serious.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

So we're gonna bring that up to a thousand.

- A thousand.

- Yeah. - You know what,

let's see what else is in your bag?

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay, and it looks like you got one other item in your bag,

which is, I mean, this is fun.

It's like, it's light sort of, and sort of like that.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Oh.

- Oh, bathe in it, right?

Falling on my face.

I didn't ask.

I'm sorry, I just started.

- That's, that's, yeah, my cooter is all over you right now.

It's cooter dust.

- It's cooter dust.

- Cooter dust.

- In your. - Yeah.

- Right.

Okay.

I should have said something before, but-

- No, no, no, I, no.

And I should have, maybe I shouldn't have grabbed it

outta your bag.

- Cooter's in the, your hair.

- No, I love that, I love that.

Love that. - Put it back in the purse.

Put it back in the purse. - I love that.

- Smells nice, though, doesn't it?

- It smells really good.

It smells like cherries.

- Yeah, that's the fairy touch.

- Okay, so we'll just sorta shake that out.

Let's get into it.

Why you are here in the first place.

You are here to sort of launch this new branch

of your business.

- I'm actually trying to recruit you.

- Recruit me?

- I think you could be a freaky fairy if you want to be.

Something about the curls.

- Can I tell you sort of what my dream

of like if I was a dominatrix, sort of like my,

can I pitch my character to you?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, here's what I'm thinking.

Brown suit.

This blouse.

Standing over someone with a handheld microphone

going, "Good evening, my name is Vic Michaelis,

"and I am here to read you the news."

And then I sort of proceed

to let them know what's happening in their area.

Maybe a little bit about traffic.

I throw it to sports.

And then everybody comes and goes home

was sort of my thought.

- Rough thought. - Do you think?

- Hate it. - You hate it?

- Hate it. - Okay.

- Not good at all. - Yeah.

- But that's okay.

There's potential there.

You know, there is something about that suit.

It's giving kind of like you work on people's taxes.

That's a cute fantasy.

In April, you're gonna thrive.

- Can we do like a little role play, maybe?

Like- - Absolutely.

- Okay, great.

- Well, I'm gonna be a suitor.

- And then I work on people's taxes?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- It's April, I'm stressed. - Hello, oh.

Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Can I get your W-9s and W-4s?

- That's good. - Is it?

- That's good. - Okay.

- That's good. - Thank you.

- Mm-mm. - Sorry.

And I wouldn't.

- You got my cooter fairy stuff all over you.

- Right, of course. - Let's get back into it.

- Okay.

I'd like your W-9s and W-4s,

and also from last season, you're being audited.

- Audited? - Yeah, you're being audited.

- Are you kidding me right now?

- Well, you're taking Ubers

and you had a bunch of hair appointments on there.

- Okay, now we're going, we're doing, we're going too deep.

- Right.

- We're going too deep. - Okay.

- You know, just kinda give them the essence of the fantasy.

- Essence, okay. - The essence of it.

- So, something more like you're being audited,

and I'm the only one that can fix it.

- Why don't we try, I'm the only one that's gonna make it

so that you don't go to jail.

- I'm the only one that's gonna make it

so you don't go to jail.

- This is not a Martha Stewart situation.

- This is not a Martha Stewart situation.

- Yeah. - So I need to know,

you had a bunch of hair appointments on there.

You had flights on there, you just-

- No, no, mm-mm.

- Right.

- Wesley Snipes has nothing on you.

- Wesley Snipes, no.

Don't even think about it.

Has nothing on you.

I sort of threw in some of my own language there.

Is that okay? - Okay, well, you know

we're gonna work on it.

- Okay. - We'll work on the text.

- At what point do I bring up the specifics of the receipts?

- No, the next thing is

the person's now gonna take their clothes off.

- Oh, okay. - Quickly.

- That's gonna be a problem for me.

- 'Cause you, okay.

- I'm allergic to skin.

(Ta'Tania sighing)

Not like allergic allergic,

but if I touch people's skin too much, I get sweaty

and then I rash a little bit.

- Get my purse. - Get your, oh, yep, okay.

- I'm about to give you lotion right now.

- Perfect.

I think it's mostly just the vagina dust.

- No, there's a little bit of old milk in here, hold on.

- Oh, okay.

- Oh, I see it, okay, all right, come here.

- Looks like the vagina dust. - Ready?

How's that? - Way better?

- Oh, I forgot to do my little thing for that.

- Okay.

- Ba da ba ba ba, I'm loving it.

Oh. Oh.

Hey, we are about to cut to commercial break.

Um.

It's all gonna be fine.

It's gonna be fine.

(bright sparkling) (camera shutter clicking)

- Oh my god, fire!

Fire!

No, barbecue potato chip.

Chomsky's.

Now in an all new flavor.

Get it at your local grocery store, or ask your mom, kids.

Chomsky's potato chips.

America's tastiest, heartiest, barbequeiest chip.

(bright music)

I can't.

(bright sparkling) (camera shutter clicking)

- Vic, you good, friend?

800-588-2300 Empire today!

(Vic gasping)

Boom.

Boom.

Welcome back, Vic.

Welcome back.

How you feeling?

- Why did you send me there?

Is that where the PA went?

- Oh, I forgot about Pa.

Is Pa all right?

Pa, you good?

Pa?

- We're gonna worry about him later.

- All right.

(playful music)

- Rapid fire questions.

What is something you would like to make illegal?

- Mm, that brooch.

The brooch is killing me.

- What should I put here then? - Nothing.

- Well then how will people know that I sort of,

I'm trying to make a statement.

- I think they could tell.

I think it's crystal clear.

- Fine.

Something that I ask each and every one of my guests.

What is the meaning of life?

- The meaning of life

is to make sure you always have a ho phase.

- Always?

- That is the meaning of life.

- Is to have a ho phase?

- You have to have a ho phase.

- Well. - You have to have one.

- Hey, I didn't have a ho phase,

and I think I'm doing pretty well.

I'm married to, married to the life.

Married to, married to this life and another life, a man.

And I'm a stepparent to a beautiful stepdaughter.

- What's your husband's name?

- His name is David.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- What? - Yeah.

- What?

What?

What?

- I think I know him.

- Well, he travels a lot for business.

So he- - I know.

- He's, he's been in New York probably.

- Yeah.

- So you probably met at the airport.

- It's all making sense right now.

- You think?

- Vic. - Yep.

- Yes.

- And you know me because of my,

well, 'cause I run this talk show.

- Partially. - We're big

with the 25 to 34 age demographic online sometimes

in small clips.

- I know him.

- Well, do you work in small business?

'Cause he runs a small business also.

So maybe you met at a convention.

- No-

- He sold to a bigger business.

How do you know him?

- We've had relations.

It's okay. - Right.

- Every person needs a ho phase.

- Right. - Including your husband.

- Right, so. - It's okay.

- It makes sense.

I haven't seen him in six months.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, - Right, yeah.

- Yeah.

I know exactly where he is.

He likes ketchup, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- He says that tomatoes are more fun when they're squished.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I've slathered him some.

Yeah, we did like a kind of aioli situation

where I kind of just kind of did the, painted him in aioli.

- Right. - And then, yeah.

- He keeps asking, yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking about.

Okay. - It's okay though.

- Ah, okay, right.

So, yeah, maybe we sidebar.

Maybe we just sidebar for a sec.

My stepdaughter, Bianca, my, David's daughter.

- Oh, B. - Yeah.

- B. - B.

- Yeah. - You know B?

- Yeah, you bet. - Have you two met?

- Hey, hey B.

- When did you guys meet?

- Oh. - When did you guys meet?

- Oh, we were hanging out all the time.

- And 'cause she says she's so busy all the time.

- Oh no, I just don't think B likes you, but that's okay.

If you pay me a thousand dollars,

we gonna really dig into that.

- So we're gonna, we're gonna deal with that

and we're gonna deal with this.

And I feel like we got a lot that we gotta deal with.

So I am Vic Michaelis reminding you,

be true to yourself unless you'd rather be somebody else.

Good night. - Oh.

- So I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna get over there, so.

- When, we need to deal with Pa.

- We've been looking to fire him anyway, so that's fine.

Hey, can we talk? - Right now?

- Yeah, let's just chitchat. - Oh.

- [Vic] Maybe over here so.

If we can muffler, please.

- O, O, O, O'Reilly auto parts.

You good?

- You went to New York. - Yes, I went to New York.

- New York City. - I have a life

outside of here. - The Big Apple.

- Yes. - Without me.

- Yes. - I keep inviting you

and you keep saying no.

- Well, I have a little vacation.

Lemme just relax here then.

- She's calling you B.

You said that's not your name.

And that legally I have to call you

by what's on your passport.

- Well, I have different relationships

with different people, okay, Vic?

- Well, I'm family.

And more than that, I'm a coworker.

- I can't believe he wanted me to wear that suit.

I was never gonna wear that suit.

I'm gonna tell you that right now.

Mm-mm, I do not do role play in ugly clothes.

(upbeat music)

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