Original subtitles

(laughing) Bro!

This steakhouse for my bachelor

We got a bourbon tasting,

I'm telling y'all,

there's a dude in the men's

Okay, well,

because I don't want to pay

Have fun with

Us ladies will be right here

Well, all right, girls,

And enjoy these nights

Once you have babies,

CALVIN:

Making you boys was fun as hell.

But raising y'all, now, that's

What are we

Just internalize it.

Marty, you haven't told

not to have kids?

Well, not in so many words.

Or any words.

Come on, Marty.

Look, Necie is about

with a woman

six years' worth of

I know. You're right.

I'll tell them.

Hey, you know what?

Maybe they'll be so

it won't even affect them.

Oh, you think so?

Hell nah. Barely believed it

* Welcome to the block,

* Welcome to the hood. *

Well, I'm looking good,

and... (sniffs)

and I'm smelling good.

I am so excited for tonight.

Yeah, about that.

Please keep in mind that tonight

Yeah, of course I know that.

Do you?

What are you getting at?

I'm just saying, you don't

have a great history

(clears throat)

I don't know what

Dave, Kevin's bachelor party

Matthew's in New Orleans?

Gary's bachelor party

in Las Vegas and ended in jail?

It was a detention cell

I'm just saying, these events

That's why your friends

Did they?

The Douche.

This is supposed to be

not an episode of Entourage.

I promise you,

There will be no a-douche.

What's a douche?

(stammering)

It's nothing. Dave, stop.

It's used to...

Never mind. I'll just go

Knock, knock.

(chuckles) Hey.

Well, that settles that.

(clears throat)

Uh, can I talk

Well, can't it wait until

No, because I might chicken out.

So, you know how Necie

modern couple

that don't conform

Is one of those outdated norms

(chuckles nervously, stammers)

So, Necie and I discussed

and...

we realized

in our lives to feel complete.

It's the decision

and we hope

You... So...

Okay.

So, how's that landing

Oh, I didn't know

Thanks for

That's it?

Oh, I do have

You boys have fun tonight.

We will.

Uh, you too, Mama.

Thanks. Thanks for being

All right, now. Okay.

Babe, are you sure

Would you look at this mirror.

Okay, Tina, that's not

You know, I'm gonna get my

Oh, damn.

Ooh, Calvin, listen.

Let me tell you-- Oh.

Oh, sorry. No, you go.

No, you go. Okay.

Okay, um...

Can you keep an eye

He's not gonna try

He might.

Bachelor parties are

When he gets around alcohol

he turns into...

There's no nice way

Huh. Okay, well,

Marty just told us that he and

Oh, my God.

Well, I was disappointed,

But Tina?

Did she scream?

Ha! I wish.

Tina's got three stages

One, she gets really quiet.

And three, she laughs at

Hey, girl!

You ready to get

Stage two?

And hopefully we hold there.

At least I know my house

(chuckling):

(sighs) We have ants.

(laughs loudly)

(hip-hop music playing)

Whoa, whoa.

Wh-What happened to

The limo didn't

That was the point, Trey.

Oh, check it out.

It's about to be insane!

You're welcome.

Trey, this bus better be taking

It is.

a classy bourbon tasting.

Yes.

Well, now I got to

Oh. Come on, man.

I'll tell you, if these seats

Dave, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Fine.

What are you doing, man?

A party bus.

Oh, boy.

Hey, Necie, what's up?

This is my friend Bree.

Hi. So nice to meet you.

Oh, nice to meet you.

So, Necie...

Huh?

What?

Mm.

Oh, is that right?

Anyways, Necie,

Have you ever

in the store and said,

but later you think,

So you go back to the store,

the boots are gone, and now

but you're too old

I'm sorry, what is the question?

Well, I was trying to ask...

Okay, ready for the

Oh, thank God. Bree,

Oh, I don't have to go...

You know what?

Man, you know what?

Yeah, man.

Whoa! Okay, then.

Uh, why is this pole warm?

Wait a minute.

No, man.

The heater pole is a feature.

I'm gonna need

I got you. (muttering)

What?

This thing is full

Oh, boy.

(Trey laughing)

What are you doing, Trey?

Jell-O shots?

I guess one won't hurt.

ALL:

All right.

I think someone put

You know, things went

I'm actually in a

Hey, Dave? Dave, I thought

Yes, one green shot.

This must be Jell-O, because

Let's go, boys!

(laughing)

Marty, I didn't think

But there's a Snorlax

Okay, okay, use your lucky

but don't let my brother

Hey, what's up?

BOTH:

Sports.

Okay. Yeah.

Ah, what a night.

Out on the town

enjoying steaks,

Manly men manning it up.

(inhales, coughs loudly)

Daddy! Help me,

Boy, it's not even lit.

But it's about to be!

(grunting rhythmically)

Marty, your friend is so cool.

Gentlemen, who here has

Oh, uh, Montez and I

M-Montez, where are you at?

Dave, Dave, would you

Hmm. Uh-oh.

Dad's mad.

Now, the reason we use snifters

And if you give it

Mmm!

My tummy is a-toasty.

Maybe I should just go ahead

Yeah, yeah.

Simone, tomahawk steaks

Still mooin'.

Moo!

Yeah, Derek!

Uh, no, no, no. No mooing.

Simone, I don't want

I want it well-done.

All right?

Dead.

Only thing red I want to see

Dudes, what are we doing?

Marty is about to get married,

like a bunch of babies

ALL:

(dance music playing)

What is going on?

Trey, is there a club

Oh, my God.

I'm just as shocked

The bachelor party gods

And they have said,

"Let it be lit."

No, no, Dave, Dave...

And so it was!

(Calvin groans)

Trey, don't. No, no.

Okay. Listen, guys,

I got to go in there

I promised Gemma

go off the deep end.

Yo, it's been a minute

Well, don't worry about Pops.

(air horn blowing)

Uh-uh, no, no, no.

He's on his own.

So, Bree seems nice.

Who?

Necie's friend.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Great, great.

Oh, you know,

she could get us house seats

Oh, that'd be so fun, right?

I haven't been to New York

Mmm.

Not to brag,

I represented

Tina?

Oh, crap.

Isn't this great, Bree?

I can't remember

(groaning):

You know, you should

Miss Tina?

(grunts) I'm so glad we're

(clinking)

You know what?

(dance music playing)

Dudes, you have got

Dave, where'd you

Hmm? Oh, it's a crown.

I'm royalty in there.

Derek, come on.

Okay, but don't lose me.

MALCOLM: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Come on. Look,

Wait, look. My pops is trying

You're right. Sorry.

Uh, Derek, sit down.

Show a little respect.

Thank you, Dave.

Uh, I'd like to propose

Hey.

I mean, it seems like

in my arms

Next thing you know,

on my shoulders at the zoo,

just going on and on

while your snow cone

But I just let it drip

wanted you to stop

The amount of joy that you

it's just been amazing.

The Christmas mornings,

even the broken arms.

I wouldn't change one minute

Now you're getting married.

(chuckles)

That means I got to let you go.

So...

To my baby boy Marty.

I love you, son.

TREY:

I want babies!

I want snow cone juice

I want babies so bad.

Mmm.

What's that scent?

Huh, I think it's lavender.

Ooh, I think you're right.

While we're on the subject...

Why do you hate kids?

What? I love kids.

I'm godmother

Who the hell is Bree?

The woman you kicked off

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I mean, what is it?

Traveling?

Do you have a bad relationship

I love my mother.

I think we'll

Is it your body?

I can carry the baby.

My doctor says I have the uterus

Miss Tina... (chuckles)

there are so many things

Being a mother just doesn't

I just don't get it.

How could you not want

It's just who I am.

How could you not want

Come on now,

Mm, they both hurt.

Tell me about it.

But children, they-they bring

so much laughter and-and joy.

Marty brings me so much

Yeah, okay,

We love each other,

and we're happy

even if it's not the choice

You're right.

I've been putting

and that's not fair.

I guess I was just

when Marty told us.

He always talked

Really?

Look around.

I've been trying to throw

but Marty would

He says,

He wanted to save them

I guess, um, this news

Marty never told me that.

You know,

I don't know if

I've been a little crazy

Will you forgive me?

(sighs)

(chuckles)

No, Tina, stop.

Oh, you're hugging. Phew.

* *

Hey, uh, Marty.

The things I said

Listen, I wasn't

No, it's-it's okay, Dad.

Okay.

That was my favorite thing

Even though it was

Really?

Marty hated penguins.

(sighs)

They still do.

But...

you're still the best dad

And hearing how much

meant to you,

Are you sure?

Because I feel like

I should've just kept

No, I'm sure.

You know, I told myself

but I was lying

and to Necie.

So... who cried at Six Flags?

That was you, right?

Yup, yup, that was me.

Yeah, that was

Remember he was scared

No, you pretended

(laughter)

And he cried, he was crying.

"Daddy, get me out of here."

Oh, the guys are here.

Derek, me, you,

next weekend.

blow up my DMs,

I see you met

Yup.

Not a fan.

Ooh. Okay, babe,

you are not

but Necie and I

I'm actually okay

Well, I got news for you.

Marty actually

He does?

Hmm.

Uh-oh.

Necie, hey.

Hey.

You guys have fun?

Yeah, yeah. You?

Yeah, yeah.

Look, I think

Yeah, I was just about

DAVE:

Oh, God, here he comes.

Dudes, dudes.

I thought we were gonna go out

Dave, come on,

Let's go home, buddy. Come on.

Hey, Derek, check this out.

Smokeshow.

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