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1
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Hey, Calvin.
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Hola, mi amor.
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Guess what I'm making.
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Paella.
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Yes, the authentic recipe
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Well, you know, you could say
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No, I like saying "Barthelona"
8
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like a "Barthelonian."
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You know, Calvin, you don't
10
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I still haven't finished
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Hey, you must have
12
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Yeah, let's go with that.
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And speaking
14
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you know, we haven't done
15
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(chuckles)
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Calvin, where's my favorite mug?
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Oh, I, uh,
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Yeah, I was watching
19
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and the feng shui
20
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you should replace any
21
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But my mug wasn't chipped.
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Well, I broke it
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when I was trying to
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Oh, by the way,
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Magnum, P.I. thinks we should
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What you think?
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Okay, Calvin,
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a lot of time on your hands
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you got to stop
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How about you just
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Do something.
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Babe, I'm doing things.
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I got plenty of stuff to do.
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My schedule is jam-packed.
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Alexa, what's
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ALEXA:
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Hmm?
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Yes, Tina.
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Well, how about you
40
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Well, all my friends work.
41
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Are you trying to get rid of me?
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No, no, no, baby.
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I don't think it's very healthy
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for a man to stay
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or his wife
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Oh! I just watched
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You know, the lady
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* Welcome to the block,
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* Welcome to the hood. *
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Okay.
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Please take it.
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Ooh, look, Dave wants some.
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(slurring):
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I'm still numb.
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Here, sweetie,
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So, has it been hard for Calvin
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Hard for me.
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He's always here.
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He watches my shows before I do
60
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and then spoils the endings.
61
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You know, I finally
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to give away
63
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And there's this much left?
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You feel my pain.
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Ooh.
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Mama! Oh.
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TINA: Hey.
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Oh, yeah, it's right over there.
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Um, why did you
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I didn't want Malcolm to see it.
71
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It's a longsword
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It's a what for the what what?
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(chortles)
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I'm gonna ask Malcolm
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And then slay him?
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Marty's doing a grooms-posal.
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They're like prom-posals,
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Yeah, back when I did mine,
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society thought
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Then I rode into
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on that horse, shirtless.
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I broke barriers
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I'm...
84
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I'm-I'm gonna go "shirt on."
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But I do want Malcolm
86
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So, uh, Marty, got all your
87
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Yeah. Yeah.
88
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Well, i...
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It's Malcolm, my two
90
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and my play
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(short chuckle)
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a real cousin, huh?
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Dave, let it go.
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Stop being so thirsty.
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(cheering)
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Oh, shoot. Ernie's killing it
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Hey, Calvin,
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do you want me to embarrass
99
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crush Trey as a warm-up?
100
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Also, no outside food.
101
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Oh.
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It's paella.
103
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Oh, don't mind if I do.
104
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Winning burns a lot of calories.
105
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Ernie, I haven't seen
106
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You juicing?
107
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Nah. No, man.
108
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I'm just the best holder
109
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anyone's seen
110
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Probably the other side, too.
111
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There's just
112
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You bragging about
113
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(giggles)
114
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Sound like somebody's scared.
115
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Ooh, I'm terrified.
116
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What's the next challenge--
117
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Or maybe Candy Land?
118
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Calvin, just whup his ass
119
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Man.
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I-It's ridiculous, man.
121
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This requires no skills.
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Watch.
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Ha-ha!
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Reminds me of the time
125
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and you hit that old lady.
126
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It was a bank shot
127
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I still made par.
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Ah.
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Okay.
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ERNIE:
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Close, close, but no cigar.
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All right,
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All right, here we go.
134
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(grunts)
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Yeah!
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(patrons cheering)
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Boom, baby! In your face!
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Okay, Calvin.
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If you feeling so cocky,
140
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then why don't you
141
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Mm, nah, I'm good.
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Uh-huh. Uh, I-I forgot--
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You too busy
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in a rocking chair.
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ALL:
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You know what?
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And for your information,
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(patrons cheering)
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All right.
150
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Good luck. Oh, did you see
151
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They all look a lot like me,
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You know, I forget about
153
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It's called a hair unit.
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(knocking)
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Hold on.
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Oh, my God!
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Marty, what is going on?
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Malcolm Langston Butler,
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you are hereby
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commanded to pull
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the sword from
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Only the true best man
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What?
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If thou wouldst be the best man,
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thou must pull the very
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from yonder stone.
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Okay, Marty, obviously
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Uh, did you say "wouldst"?
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I don't know, man.
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No, I said I'm in, Marty, okay?
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I-I'm doing
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I went to the cake tasting,
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Okay, if-if you're
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maybe I'll ask somebody else.
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Marty, I'm your only brother.
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Who else would you ask
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Derek.
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Derek?
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He's a board game friend.
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You have to be distracted
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Well, Derek would
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from the stone by now, man.
183
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Well, 'cause Derek is a dork!
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Great.
185
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when he takes your role
186
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Wha...
187
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From the shadows you come
188
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and to the shadows
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(exclaims)
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(scoffs)
191
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Don't flatter yourself.
192
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You're pulling
193
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Thanks a lot, Gemma.
194
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But a lot of those bags
195
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before you
196
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by sneaking up on me.
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Okay, you want
198
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keep doing it your way.
199
00:08:49,461 --> 00:08:51,261
Or you could
200
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and add a little arc
201
00:08:53,331 --> 00:08:54,581
like this.
202
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Damn, woman, you can hole.
203
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Where'd you learn
204
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There wasn't a lot to do
205
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All we had was corn.
206
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Either you ate it
207
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Or the crows got it.
208
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On a bad day, all
209
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So, you used to play with corn?
210
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Did you not have Barbie dolls?
211
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Crows got 'em.
212
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That's why I became
213
00:09:21,031 --> 00:09:21,991
Uh, w-wait, wait.
214
00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:23,301
I want to learn how to play.
215
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,501
Cornhole isn't
216
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It's something you become.
217
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When I holed,
218
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I gave myself fully
219
00:09:31,841 --> 00:09:33,241
I'd expect you
220
00:09:33,441 --> 00:09:34,971
I'm ready.
221
00:09:35,171 --> 00:09:37,361
No, you're not.
222
00:09:38,391 --> 00:09:39,811
But you will be.
223
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Forget everything you think
224
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I literally know nothing.
225
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Raw clay.
226
00:09:55,711 --> 00:09:56,901
Derek?
227
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Derek is gonna be your best man?
228
00:10:00,001 --> 00:10:03,591
Help me remember--
229
00:10:04,391 --> 00:10:06,201
I think you know you did not.
230
00:10:06,401 --> 00:10:08,971
Then Derek should not
231
00:10:09,171 --> 00:10:10,631
Calvin, back me up.
232
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Listen to your mama, boy.
233
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Ooh!
234
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Calvin!
235
00:10:18,621 --> 00:10:21,991
What? I'm folding the laundry.
236
00:10:22,191 --> 00:10:25,661
Stop playing games and help me
237
00:10:25,861 --> 00:10:29,361
Uh, Marty, if you want your
238
00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:31,801
you should ask him
239
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:33,071
I'm sure he'll say yes.
240
00:10:33,271 --> 00:10:34,701
Well, he did
241
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:38,351
That's not the point, Daddy.
242
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TINA:
243
00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:42,541
when you look back
244
00:10:42,741 --> 00:10:44,541
years from now...
245
00:10:44,741 --> 00:10:45,761
(clang)
246
00:10:47,261 --> 00:10:48,551
...you're gonna
247
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:49,881
with your brother.
248
00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:51,051
(clang)
249
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,751
Calvin, what the
250
00:10:52,951 --> 00:10:55,121
I'm emptying the dishwasher.
251
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,711
Apparently, I have to do
252
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,381
That was going in.
253
00:11:06,281 --> 00:11:08,431
I mean, it is nonstop, Trey.
254
00:11:08,631 --> 00:11:10,841
One ridiculous wedding event
255
00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:13,241
a-and the groom-posal
256
00:11:13,441 --> 00:11:15,371
There was a rock,
257
00:11:15,571 --> 00:11:17,191
and then there was
258
00:11:18,661 --> 00:11:22,251
So, he did all that just
259
00:11:22,451 --> 00:11:24,151
Yes. I mean,
260
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,251
Tell me I'm wrong.
261
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,021
You're wrong.
262
00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:28,951
Wait, what?
263
00:11:29,151 --> 00:11:30,691
I'm just saying,
264
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,191
all that trouble to make you
265
00:11:33,391 --> 00:11:35,391
and you went
266
00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,711
I did not.
267
00:11:40,481 --> 00:11:43,321
Word on the street is you
268
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:47,211
I said yes to Marty, okay?
269
00:11:47,411 --> 00:11:49,371
Look, maybe I wasn't as nice
270
00:11:49,571 --> 00:11:50,931
I-I don't care. Uh...
271
00:11:52,031 --> 00:11:54,781
Are you now bumped down
272
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:56,451
or... or are you out out,
273
00:11:56,651 --> 00:11:58,401
and now there's an opening?
274
00:11:59,171 --> 00:12:01,591
Well, I can't be completely
275
00:12:01,791 --> 00:12:04,591
Uh, I mean, look,
276
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:08,191
Marty's a big baby,
277
00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:10,701
You're right.
278
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,331
Damn it.
279
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:15,421
So, what do I do?
280
00:12:20,321 --> 00:12:23,291
Malcolm, go to him.
281
00:12:25,691 --> 00:12:28,011
Yeah, but you got to
282
00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:31,681
After what you did,
283
00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:34,221
Meaning I got to
284
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,351
No, no, not at all.
285
00:12:36,551 --> 00:12:39,161
Now, let's talk
286
00:12:39,361 --> 00:12:41,911
Oh...
287
00:12:52,451 --> 00:12:55,821
You do know there's nothing
288
00:12:56,891 --> 00:12:58,441
Of course, babe.
289
00:12:58,641 --> 00:13:01,151
The tournament is tonight.
290
00:13:01,351 --> 00:13:03,681
Hey, Tina, would you
291
00:13:03,881 --> 00:13:07,051
of shagging my bags
292
00:13:07,251 --> 00:13:08,571
Do what now?
293
00:13:10,741 --> 00:13:12,991
I forgot,
294
00:13:13,191 --> 00:13:15,161
(chuckles)
295
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,961
It means retrieving my bags.
296
00:13:17,161 --> 00:13:19,501
I just need to concentrate
297
00:13:19,701 --> 00:13:22,941
Alexa, is it windy
298
00:13:23,141 --> 00:13:25,301
Hello, Cornhole King.
299
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,571
This evening
300
00:13:27,771 --> 00:13:30,511
it's breezy
301
00:13:30,711 --> 00:13:31,811
Hmm.
302
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:35,401
I'm gonna have to adjust
303
00:13:37,971 --> 00:13:41,691
Did you actually program Alexa
304
00:13:41,891 --> 00:13:45,871
Yes. And trust me,
305
00:13:48,941 --> 00:13:50,231
Uh, you know, Calvin,
306
00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:52,161
I know I encouraged you
307
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:53,601
and find something to do,
308
00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:55,371
but don't you think
309
00:13:55,571 --> 00:13:57,371
this Cornhole thing
310
00:13:57,571 --> 00:13:59,451
(chuckles)
311
00:14:00,991 --> 00:14:02,911
Calvin, bombaye!
312
00:14:03,111 --> 00:14:05,041
Calvin, bombaye!
313
00:14:05,241 --> 00:14:08,051
Calvin, bomba...
314
00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:10,701
Did you people not see Ali?
315
00:14:12,231 --> 00:14:14,451
Calvin, bombaye!
316
00:14:14,651 --> 00:14:18,611
ALL:
317
00:14:23,711 --> 00:14:25,311
Go, babe!
318
00:14:27,121 --> 00:14:29,471
It's all right, my man.
319
00:14:29,671 --> 00:14:30,701
You can tell your grandkids
320
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:33,141
you got beat by Calvin Butler.
321
00:14:33,341 --> 00:14:34,721
Go on, now.
322
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,531
Calvin, let's talk management.
323
00:14:41,431 --> 00:14:42,651
What are you celebrating?
324
00:14:42,851 --> 00:14:44,251
You haven't won anything yet.
325
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,731
I just took the semis.
326
00:14:47,641 --> 00:14:48,941
Finish the job!
327
00:14:50,241 --> 00:14:51,721
Sorry, Calvin.
328
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:53,761
You've had your fun,
329
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:56,731
ends here.
330
00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:59,101
Yeah, that's because
331
00:14:59,301 --> 00:15:00,501
in your last divorce.
332
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:03,241
(exclaiming, chattering)
333
00:15:03,441 --> 00:15:04,701
True.
334
00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:09,111
But not you or my
335
00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:10,311
can take cornhole from me.
336
00:15:10,511 --> 00:15:13,411
Don't you worry, Calvin Butler.
337
00:15:13,611 --> 00:15:14,951
I'll keep the trophy here.
338
00:15:15,151 --> 00:15:16,951
You can come see it
339
00:15:17,151 --> 00:15:18,421
Oh. Uh,
340
00:15:18,621 --> 00:15:19,721
I'm gonna see it every night
341
00:15:19,921 --> 00:15:21,821
'cause it'll be in my bedroom.
342
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,461
The hell it will.
343
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:26,541
Hey, uh, shag girl,
344
00:15:29,481 --> 00:15:31,711
(doorbell rings)
345
00:15:38,391 --> 00:15:39,891
Hedwig?!
346
00:15:46,461 --> 00:15:49,581
"Your presence is requested
347
00:15:49,781 --> 00:15:52,251
"at the stroke of 9:00.
348
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:56,321
Yours, magically,
349
00:15:56,521 --> 00:15:58,221
(laughs)
350
00:15:58,421 --> 00:16:00,611
It's Albus, but okay.
351
00:16:02,611 --> 00:16:04,981
(laughing)
352
00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:08,671
Who dares approacheth my lair?
353
00:16:08,871 --> 00:16:11,001
You invited me, Dumbledore.
354
00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:12,601
Yes, right.
355
00:16:12,801 --> 00:16:15,771
Approacheth, Grayskull Legolas.
356
00:16:15,971 --> 00:16:17,981
You are mixing
357
00:16:18,181 --> 00:16:19,661
but I love it!
358
00:16:22,401 --> 00:16:23,721
When I cast this spell,
359
00:16:23,921 --> 00:16:25,481
you will no longer remember that
360
00:16:25,681 --> 00:16:28,571
I was dickish unto thee.
361
00:16:29,871 --> 00:16:32,391
And you will once again
362
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:36,211
as your best friend,
363
00:16:37,411 --> 00:16:39,011
...your best man.
364
00:16:41,451 --> 00:16:43,691
Kombucha!
365
00:16:45,291 --> 00:16:48,561
Yes. A thousand times yes.
366
00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:53,081
This is unbelievably tense.
367
00:16:53,281 --> 00:16:54,631
It is?
368
00:16:55,401 --> 00:16:58,921
They're tied. They've gone
369
00:16:59,121 --> 00:17:00,051
The next hole wins.
370
00:17:00,251 --> 00:17:02,041
Ooh, and then we're done?
371
00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,461
Oh. Hey, hey.
372
00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:07,091
You hear that, Calvin?
373
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:09,811
That hole is
374
00:17:12,611 --> 00:17:14,131
ALL:
375
00:17:14,331 --> 00:17:15,431
Yeah.
376
00:17:15,631 --> 00:17:17,371
Oh, I hear it now.
377
00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:18,471
And it's saying,
378
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,191
"You're in second place,
379
00:17:21,991 --> 00:17:24,041
Time out. Time out, time out.
380
00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:26,341
Calvin, his bag
381
00:17:26,541 --> 00:17:27,881
It's air mail time.
382
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,011
Air mail?
383
00:17:29,211 --> 00:17:30,281
We practiced this.
384
00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:32,021
No, we didn't.
385
00:17:32,221 --> 00:17:34,221
We didn't? Crap.
386
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,721
Okay.
387
00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:38,691
You've got to arc high.
388
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,731
Higher than you've ever
389
00:17:40,931 --> 00:17:42,831
Your bag's got to come
390
00:17:43,031 --> 00:17:45,431
through that hole without
391
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,501
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
392
00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,001
Okay, hey, I'm tossing.
393
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:51,971
I'm tossing, man.
394
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,721
Okay.
395
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,761
* *
396
00:18:20,651 --> 00:18:23,601
Yes! We did it!
397
00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:26,191
(laughs)
398
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:30,911
Hey, uh, good game, Calvin.
399
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,511
Yeah, that felt pretty good.
400
00:18:33,711 --> 00:18:35,311
need to take your picture
401
00:18:35,511 --> 00:18:37,381
Oh, not without my shag girl.
402
00:18:37,581 --> 00:18:38,871
Nah, I'm good.
403
00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:42,451
Hey, that was, uh
404
00:18:42,651 --> 00:18:44,321
that was some fine holing,
405
00:18:44,521 --> 00:18:46,321
Yeah.
406
00:18:46,521 --> 00:18:48,431
It was fun.
407
00:18:48,631 --> 00:18:51,631
Oh, it doesn't have to be over.
408
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:53,801
We can take this act
409
00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:56,801
There is a tournament
410
00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:59,341
Now, the way I figure...
411
00:18:59,541 --> 00:19:02,771
I mean, since I sold the
412
00:19:02,971 --> 00:19:05,641
for something to be
413
00:19:05,841 --> 00:19:08,581
this is your thing,
414
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,321
I'm still searching for mine.
415
00:19:10,521 --> 00:19:12,921
Mm. You'll
416
00:19:13,121 --> 00:19:16,121
Hey, you-you sure
417
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,691
Very.
418
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,121
you go out there
419
00:19:20,331 --> 00:19:21,461
Hey!
420
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,631
I'll do it.
421
00:19:23,831 --> 00:19:25,801
Reno! (laughs)
422
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:26,731
Hey,
423
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:27,901
you drive stick?
424
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:29,371
Uh-huh.
425
00:19:29,571 --> 00:19:30,471
Hey, hey!
426
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:31,871
You're not
427
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,811
You're a wife, a mother
428
00:19:34,011 --> 00:19:35,071
CALVIN:
429
00:19:35,271 --> 00:19:37,441
uh, go home, all right?
430
00:19:37,641 --> 00:19:39,261
Go.
431
00:19:45,171 --> 00:19:48,041
Something is definitely
432
00:20:00,551 --> 00:20:02,371
David Seymour Johnson,
433
00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:04,951
first of his name, come forth.
434
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,451
Oh, my God.
435
00:20:13,651 --> 00:20:15,051
Is this happening?
436
00:20:15,251 --> 00:20:17,581
The maiden Necie hath decreed
437
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:21,351
that the size of her bridal
438
00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:23,091
Her cousin Keisha
439
00:20:23,291 --> 00:20:24,741
from the Woods of Ingle.
440
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,121
Huh?
441
00:20:27,331 --> 00:20:28,981
Keisha from Inglewood.
442
00:20:30,881 --> 00:20:35,301
Wilst thou do me
443
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,371
of joining the Groom's Watch?
444
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:39,621
Wedding is coming.
445
00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:43,861
T'would be my honor, your grace.
446
00:20:45,531 --> 00:20:48,861
With thy very knee
447
00:20:53,901 --> 00:20:55,051
Macchiato!
448
00:20:55,251 --> 00:20:57,041
(thunder rumbles)
449
00:21:02,911 --> 00:21:05,761
Captioning sponsored by
450
00:21:05,961 --> 00:21:08,571
and TOYOTA.
451
00:21:08,771 --> 00:21:12,151
Captioned by26273
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