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cockroach, don't you get tired of that gag?

No, because you fall for it every time.

You ready for the shakespeare test?

We're not worried.

It's hard to read.

We're not reading it.

You're taking the test without reading macbeth?

We're getting the album.

Album?

These english guys made a record.

No music-- just words.

When Perkins assigned it two weeks ago

we signed up at the library for the record.

We're picking it up after school.

Tonight we'll listen our way to an "a."

I wish I'd known they had macbeth on a record.

It took me a week to read it.

Later, fellas.

See you.

A week to read the play.

We did the right thing.

Yeah.

Oohhh.

What?

Burger alert.

Ooohhh. She's a double Burger.

No, no. Deluxe Burger with the works.

I've never seen her. She must be new.

New and improved.

I'll introduce myself.

No.

You can't just go up to a deluxe Burger.

You need something interesting to talk about.

I'll talk about me.

I saw her first.

Then you go talk to her about me.

Hey, her locker's stuck.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

Having trouble with your lock?

I can't get it open.

Let me try.

I'm good at these things.

All right. Here's my combination.

Are you new?

Yeah, we moved here from chicago.

Oh, chicago.

I've heard it's pretty nice there.

Yeah, it is nice.

That's what I've heard.

( banging )

Theo, having some problems?

Sorry. It won't open.

Go to the office and get a new locker.

Good idea. Thanks.

I'll take you.

I know where it is.

What's your name?

Theresa.

Mine's Theo.

I'm cockroach.

Cockroach?

My real name is Walter, but I prefer cockroach.

Nice to meet you.

And Theo, I really appreciate your help.

Any time.

Did you hear what she said to me?

"Theo, I really appreciate your help."

So?

So?!

that's what she said, but what she meant was

"Theo, welcome to my life."

Hi, mommy, we're back.

Do you see what you're doing?

What?

You're making puddles.

Please leave your boots by the door.

Okay.

Have fun sledding?

Yes. Daddy got on, too.

He did?

Are you all right?

No.

You're making puddles.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Come here.

Go downstairs and take those wet things off.

Okay.

( raspberries )

I "Zrbtt" you.

"Zrbtt" Mommy.

I "Zrbtt" you.

Thanks. Go change and come have some hot cocoa.

With lots of marshmallows?

Lots.

With a Candy bar?

No.

Okay.

What happened?

I'm old.

I watched the children

and I stood there like a father, smiling.

The kids were going down the hill on their sleds.

All of a sudden I started to remember

when I was a kid

how I used to run with the sled in my hand

and keep it from banging this one knee.

You have to run that way.

So I said

"Honey, can dad do one one time?"

she said, "Dad, you don't know..."

I said, "When I was a kid..."

then all these kids stood around me

acting like I didn't know what I was doing.

So then, of course, I really decided to show them.

So I got back about ten feet

and I ran with the thing beside me.

I started going, and I was running real fast.

And then I put it down and I hit the sled.

And, um...

well, my stomach is much bigger than it used to be.

I knocked the wind out of myself

and the sled went that way.

All I remember...

I woke up

and the little children had built snow all around me.

Cliff, I think you deserve extra marshmallows.

Oh, thank you.

I'd like it in my tea.

You want tea?

Yes, please.

With a Candy bar?

No.

But if you go lie down

I'll bring you tea and give you a rubdown.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Just tell me

where it hurts.

Missed us! Got you last!

Hey, Dad.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable.

Do you know how much damage

a snowball can do to a window?

It's their fault.

You didn't throw at them first?

Just in self-defense.

Oh, no.

What?

I dropped the shakespeare record.

You've got to go get it.

Hey, hey. Get down.

Stay away from the window.

You go man the door.

Go ahead.

All right... hit it.

Aaaggghh!

We need that record to study for the test.

Dad, they won't throw at you.

Please, Dr. Huxtable.

Step out of the way.

This is dr. Huxtable.

I delivered some of you.

I'm a parent and a taxpayer

and I'm probably the only adult who will Sue little children.

All right. Thanks, dad.

Here you go.

Cliff, where are you going?

A man's got to do what he's got to do.

When are you coming back?

Cliff?

Come on, we better get started.

Yeah, put on The first record.

Okay.

Narrator: The tragedy of macbeth, by William shakespeare.

Act one, scene one. Scotland.

Enter three witches.

( cackling )

WITCH 1: When shall we three meet again?

In thunder, lightning, or in Rain?

Witch 2: When the hurly-burly's done, when the battle's lost and won.

Witch 3: That will be ere the set of sun.

Witch 1: Where's the place?

Witch 2: Upon the Heath.

Witch 3: There to meet with macbeth.

Witch 1: I come, graymalkin!

Witch 2: Paddock calls.

Witch 3: Anon!

All: Fair is foul, and foul is fair.

Hover through the fog and Filthy air!

Narrator: Exeunt.

What was that?

Are they speaking english?

What's a "Graymalkin"?

I don't know.

What's a "Hurly-burly"?!

I don't know!

We better skip to the middle.

They won't ask us about the beginning, anyway.

Macbeth: If it were done when 'tis done

then 'twere well it were done quickly.

If the assassination could Trammel up the consequence

and catch, with his surcease, success

that but this blow might be the be-all and the end-all here

but here, upon this bank and shoal of time

We'd jump the life to come.

Cockroach?

Yeah?

We're in deep trouble.

That's amazing!

I couldn't have said that.

I don't know, but I wouldn't say that.

Vanessa, get off the phone.

This is an emergency.

Hold on, Janet.

What's the emergency?

We're calling the New York shakespeare company.

Why?

We have to see macbeth tonight.

Janet, can I call you back?

Yeah.

What's going on?

We were listening to the record of macbeth

But we don't understand it.

If we could see what the actors were doing

We'd understand.

Is this for a test?

Yeah, it's tomorrow.

Did you read it?

No.

Why not?

I really don't need your criticism right now.

Fine.

I'm coming back for the phone in five minutes.

Here it is.

Great. What's the number?

555-7218.

Hurry up!

Okay, okay. It's ringing.

Hello? Are you doing macbeth tonight?

You're not.

The taming of the shrew?

Is it anything like macbeth?

Oh.

Do you know of any place

where they're doing macbeth tonight?

Are you sure?

Okay, thanks.

We're sunk.

Hi.

Hi, Denise.

Hi, cockroach.

Wait a minute.

Denise, you studied macbeth, right?

Sure.

You read it?

Yeah.

Tell us about it.

What happens?

Didn't you read the play?

Why is everybody criticizing me?!

please, just tell me what happened.

Take it easy.

Macbeth is a soldier.

He wants to be king.

He and his wife decide to kill the King

and he does.

And then the king's...

the King's son comes back with his friends

and right before Macbeth gets it

he talks about how life's meaningless

because we're all going to die anyway.

Got it.

I really like your hair that way.

Tell us all about the symbolism.

If you knew you'd be tested

why didn't you read it?

It's impossible to understand.

You know what you need?

What?

Cleland notes.

What's that?

They're study guides for shakespeare plays

that tell you what's happening and what the symbolism is.

So while you read the play, it explains everything.

If you have the Cleland notes

why read the play?

You should.

Where do we get them?

At Renner's bookstore

near brooklyn college.

Ooh, cockroach.

I'll bet some great burgers hang out there.

Yeah! College burgers.

What's a "Burger"?

a good-looking girl.

You call them "Burgers"?!

Yeah.

A Burger's a piece of meat.

We don't mean it that way.

I don't care.

That's one of the most sexist, degrading remarks

I have ever heard.

You don't call a woman

a "Burger" Or any other object.

We're people.

What if I were to call you a "Clydesdale"?

look at that clydesdale.

He's a twelve-wagon puller.

Are you finished with the phone?

Do you know what these guys call a good-looking girl?

You mean "Burgers"?

you know?

Yeah. It's kind of cute.

You should be insulted.

A Burger is a piece of meat.

I never thought about it that way.

You guys

are disgusting!

We're sorry.

We won't do it again.

Wait, Denise!

How do we get to Renner's bookstore?

If you want to know

find another Burger, clydesdale.

These Cleland notes are great.

Macbeth summarized in twelve pages.

I'm finished reading the play already.

Me, too.

We're done, and it's only 9:00.

We should thank these people.

Yeah.

We'll ace this test

and get B's for the semester.

"Also available in Cleland NOTES:

Julius Caesar."

We're reading that next year.

All right, Cleland.

They also have the history of America

the history of civilization

chemistry, physics-- everything.

Let's buy the whole set.

We can get through college in one year.

I wasn't even thinking of Higher education

till I found this.

We could major in everything.

I'm going home to watch tv.

I'll go downstairs and watch it.

Hey, mom.

Good night, mrs. Huxtable.

Finished studying?

Yup. Can I watch tv?

Ready for your test?

Definitely.

See you, Theo.

See you, cockroach.

Walter, what's this?

What?

This.

Cleland notes.

Helped us study.

Clair: Oh.

Well, I'm off to the hospital.

Hey, dad.

How you doing?

Remember This? Cleland notes.

Cleland notes.

Sure I remember.

Kids in our school would read this

when they didn't want to read the assignment.

But they weren't as prepared for the test

as they thought they were.

None of our children would do that.

Never.

Never.

None of their friends would do that.

Clair: Of course not.

If you read only the Cleland notes

you'd know character names and main events

but you'd miss some Very subtle points

like what lady macbeth meant when she said:

"Screw your courage to the sticking place

and we'll not fail!"

Mm-hmm.

Well, I certainly am glad

that I did not graduate from the Cleland school of medicine.

And I'm sure that my patients

and my insurance company are happy

that I did not graduate from the Cleland school of medicine.

I will see you all later.

See you, dad.

Bye-Bye.

Not a fit night for man nor beast

but I'm going to deliver these babies.

All right, you asked for it.

Now you're going to get it, you little weasels.

Good old Cleland notes.

Here you go.

Well, as someone once SAID:

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

creeps at this Petty pace from day to day."

Was that from macbeth?

It couldn't have been.

It wasn't in the Cleland notes.

Are you worried

about the test?

No. Are you worried?

No.

Think we should

read the play?

No.

Aaaggghhh!

( snowball barrage )

Cliff, this is where we should go tonight.

El rio de la plata restaurante.

El rio de la plata restaurante.

Yes.

"Taste of Argentina

"Nestled in the heart of greenwich village.

Authentic nouvelle-style south American cuisine."

El rio de la plata restaurante.

They have strolling guitarists.

El rio de la plata restaurante.

Stop it!

Hi.

Hi. How was school?

Good.

And the test?

Not bad. I think I did okay.

Really?

Yeah.

I was worried when I heard you and Dad last night

but half the questions were covered by Cleland notes.

And the other half?

I recognized some names.

I think my answers made good sense.

So you just got by?

Better than that. Probably a "C."

So you must be happy.

Yeah.

I did pretty well

considering I didn't read the play.

You ever plan to read it?

That test is history.

You haven't taken

your last test on macbeth.

I haven't?

You'll read macbeth

and you won't do anything until you do.

And then you'll take another test

given by me.

Are you serious?!

Dad?

She's serious.

I am very serious.

The test will be all essay

covering acts one through five and footnotes

and there will not be one question from Cleland notes.

But I have a date with This new girl at school.

You better Get started then.

Okay.

And I know that shakespeare's language

can be very difficult to understand

so if you want to discuss anything

feel free.

I'll be in my room... forever.

I like your style.

I haven't read macbeth in 20 years.

I only remember some passages.

You better Start reading then.

Come on, cliff. I need your help.

No.

Please?!

you only have to read the first two acts.

I'll read the last three.

Whenever I used to read it--

"Thou goest..."

I'd spit on myself.

Cliff, please?

We could snuggle up under the covers

and read macbeth

and it could take all night.

Really?

And I'll be lady macbeth.

And I'll be the big bad Wolf.

There is no big bad Wolf in macbeth.

There will be when I read it.