Original subtitles

Eighty-two.

Would have been 83 come Valentine's Day.

Were either of you with him when he died?

-No. -No?

I came in to see if he needed anything,

but he had already passed.

Got here as fast as I could.

I appreciate it, but we're okay.

-Are we done? -Yeah.

If we have any more questions, we have your information.

Sorry for your loss.

-Thank you. -Thanks.

What happened?

What?

He died of old age, right?

-What do you mean, "right"? -I mean

he was 82, so it was his time to go.

Yes, Rayfield, it was his time.

It was his time.

Oh, oh, absolutely.

I am so sorry, Marion.

Anything I could do?

Well, you could say a prayer for my Frank.

Of course. Did he have any family?

I could make some calls.

No. Well, there's a little sister.

Maybe we should call her.

-That might be difficult. -Why?

She's L-WOP in Chino.

-L-WOP? -Life without parole.

How would you know that?

I keep telling you he's a hoodlum.

I'm not a hoodlum. I made a mistake, I paid for it.

-I'm rehabilitated. -Hoodlum.

Oh, whatever. She still deserves to know her brother's gone.

I'm not going to no woman's prison!

I'm sure we can get word to her.

Do whatever you want, just leave me out of it!

What stage of grief is that?

I don't know.

You okay?

Not really.

I'm sorry, man.

Probably triggered the necrophobia.

-Necro what? -Necrophobia.

Fear of dead things. I looked it up.

Why the fuck would you look that up?

'Cause you're my friend, my partner,

and I know you struggle with it.

Thank you for coming over.

Go home.

Should have looked up fear of intimacy, Ray.

♪ The legend lives on ♪

♪ From the Chippewa on down ♪

♪ From the big lake ♪

♪ They called Gitche Gumee ♪

♪ The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead ♪

♪ When the skies of November turn gloomy ♪

Hey.

-Sorry about that. -It's okay.

Death in the family, you get a mulligan.

Thank you. It's just been real freaky around here.

I can imagine. With the necrophobia?

-Would you please... -Sorry.

-Hey, I could use your help tomorrow. -Anything.

I gotta take Grandma over to our funeral home,

help make arrangements for Frank's, uh--

What you call it? Interment?

I'll be there.

-Thank you, bro. -Be strong for her.

What time you thinking? I'll give our favorite mortician

a heads-up.

-9:00. -See you there.

What ever happened to Martin Lawrence?

What?

Martin Lawrence.

You don't see him anymore.

Okay? I don't blame you, baby.

-Oh, hey, Danny, Ray. -Yolanda,

this is my grandmother Marion.

Hello, Marion. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. He was a great man.

I'm sure he was. Let me tell Alan you're here.

Hi. Yeah. Just arrived.

He'll be right out.

You own this place?

We got a piece.

What's that mean, you got a piece?

It's a hoodlum thing.

Marion, I am so sorry.

-My deepest condolences. -Thank you.

Now, don't you worry about a thing.

I will personally take care of every detail,

soup to nuts.

I appreciate it.

Come. Let's go talk.

Right this way.

There you go.

Now, I don't want to rush this, but a church bus flipped over

on the 118, and I got a lot of incoming.

Ka-ching!

Coffee for Danny. There you go.

Marion, are you sure I can't get you anything?

Well, maybe some Remy.

Done.

Will Frank's life insurance cover all of this?

There's a life insurance policy?

Maybe.

Well, I don't want you to worry about money.

Because of Danny and Ray's generous support,

most of the funeral will be gratis.

All of the funeral will be gratis.

Let me finish. All of the funeral will be gratis.

Now, did the deceased leave any instructions

as to how he'd like to go to his eternal rest?

Traditional burial?

We also offer cremation,

and for the ecologically-minded,

there are some exciting new options in composting.

Well, Frank wanted to be buried.

-Good choice. -But we gonna cremate him.

-Also a good choice. -You sure about that?

I want to take him home and sprinkle his ashes

in the flower garden.

Which is absolutely fine,

but I'm obliged to tell you...

...that the California Department of Public Affairs

requires a permit to spread ashes

in any public or private space.

They gonna send the ash police to my house?

No, of course not.

You gonna rat me out, little man?

No, ma'am, I'm not.

Well, looks like we're doing cremation.

-Today. -Uh, actually,

we won't have Frank's body until tomorrow.

All right then, first thing.

Grandma, you were about to marry this man.

You sure you don't want a funeral service,

memoriam or nothing?

Why? It's just gonna be

you, me and Tony Soprano here.

I could bring my wife and...

I want to get this over with.

To achieve closure makes perfect sense.

Now, show me them urns.

Right this way.

-What's going on? -You don't want to know.

-But there is something. -There's nothing. You hear me? Nothing!

Look at the patience by this team

passing around outside the 3-point line...

-Who you texting? -A friend.

Ooh. Girlfriend?

Just a friend.

Just so you know, if things of a romantic nature

were to happen, my phone lines are open

and operators are standing by.

What's that mean?

Really? You can't infer?

What's infer?

-Yeah? -What are you doing?

Chatting with a lump of clay. What's up?

I don't want to talk on the phone.

All right. Where you want to talk?

Hey.

What's up with the cloak and dagger?

I'm pretty sure my grandmother killed Frank.

-Yeah, very funny. -No, I'm serious.

When I walked into his room, he was dead,

and she was standing there holding a pillow.

-You think-- -Yes, I think.

Well, if you're gonna do it, that's how you do it.

-What's my move? -What do you mean, what's your move?

You have no move. She's your grandmother.

I can't sit across from her at breakfast

-knowing she's a murderer. -Well, nobody's perfect.

I drove all the way over Coldwater Canyon to Sherman Oaks

-for "no one's perfect"? -You didn't take the 405?

No, no, it was all red in my nav.

Ah, then Coldwater was the right call.

Danny...

Danny, I'm going crazy.

I can't make sense of life without my grandma.

She's the rock I've always leaned on.

No, I understand.

Have you said anything to her

about your suspicions?

No, of course not.

Think you should?

What, like, "Grandmother,

"the French toast is delicious.

Did you murder Frank?"

Listen, I know you're joking,

but starting with a compliment is not a bad approach.

I don't think I can do that.

Well, then your only option is to live your life

with the possibility that your beloved old grandma

is a cold-blooded killer.

Denial. That's your solution?

It's more than a solution. It's a lifestyle.

-Thank you. -And, needless to say,

anytime you need to talk, my phone lines are open,

and operators are standing by.

What?!

Come on, you get it.

Yeah, I get it.

Stay strong.

That guy's old as fuck.

-Did you get any of that? -Nope.

-You speak any Spanish at all? -Not really.

Are you calling me an ignorant cow?

I thought you didn't speak Spanish.

I've been called that before.

Guess I should apologize.

But I'm not.

Hector, I have an ice pick in my bag.

Pray it stays there.

New game plan. You're riding with me today.

-What about Ray? -He's taking some personal time.

Everything okay?

Not really. Frank died.

-Aw. -Try that again.

With some human emotion.

Where'd the fruit basket come from?

Card says Costa Rica.

-Who do we know in Costa Rica? -Nobody.

Hey, big boy, fruit's for partners.

Let's roll.

Hey, Hector.

See ya later.

You're kidding.

-That's a guest house? -Yeah.

You have a full kitchen, all the utensils,

bedroom for Ray Junior, bedroom for you,

sheets and towels.

I was gonna rent it out, but...

But you know... ...this is way better.

And just so we're clear, we'll have our boundaries.

You'll live your life, I'll live mine,

and we won't intermingle.

-What if I want to intermingle? -I'm sorry?

Let me put Ray Junior down for a nap,

after which, I will thank you as only I can.

Oh. Okay.

I guess we can do this and still have boundaries.

Absolutely.

Really excited about this.

Feels like I got called up to the show.

Relax. It's just a parade of assholes.

Some of them are pretty savvy, right?

No. Over time, they all end up losers.

The trick is you got to bleed 'em out slow.

Take 'em to the cleaners one shirt at a time.

One shirt at a time. I like that.

When I was selling weed, I was always careful

my customers didn't have a psychotic break.

'Cause then they're in a lockdown ward on ketamine

and I've lost a steady stream of revenue.

So you get it.

I'm gonna introduce you, but, uh,

you got nothing to say, all right?

S'alright.

Señor Wences.

Fuck is that?

Hey, there's my big winner.

Yes, I am.

Here to claim my spoils of war.

I'm happy for you, pal.

Thank you.

Who's this?

That's my associate, Hector.

Hector, this is Artie.

Hey, nice to meet you.

You can say hello.

-Hello. -Yeah, yeah. Hey.

You killed me this week.

That's 'cause I got a new system.

-Oh, do tell. -No.

No, no, no, it's proprietary.

Algorithms, historical trends.

In fact, I've already said too much.

Well, whatever you're doing, keep it up.

Yeah, a couple more weeks like this,

I get my car fixed, my daughter gets her bike back.

It's nice of her to lend it to you.

Yeah, well.

She loves her daddy.

There's nothing her mother can do about that.

All right. You be good.

Yeah, back at ya.

What are you doing?

That was really sad.

Dude, you got to toughen up.

It's his daughter's bike.

No, I haven't talked to her yet.

Well, what are you waiting for?

It doesn't seem like the right time.

One, two, three, go!

We had a pretty big winner last month with the scratchers.

Congratulations. When's the right time?

-You want one? -Hang on.

Guy, I don't gamble. Just this.

Sorry. One way or another, you got to put this behind you.

Get some closure.

It's... it's just,

what if she says yes?

-What if she took him out? -Oh-oh.

Then you put your arms around her,

you tell her you love her no matter what.

Then, make a mental note never ever to piss her off.

Very funny.

-I wasn't joking. -I got to go.

Make sure you lock your bedroom door tonight.

Oh, fuck you.

She may be on a killing spree.

-Everything okay? -Yeah. It's just Danny.

I'm sorry, but I do not like that man.

A lot of people feel that way.

-Go! Yes. -What's Ray Junior up to?

Grandma's letting him sprinkle fertilizer on the flowers.

-Aw. -Uh-huh.

What's this?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

♪ Bus ♪

♪ The Double Dutch bus. ♪

-Thought we agreed on 1:00. -Could not be helped.

Man, we had two Bernedoodles

that rolled themselves in horse shit.

Had to shave the dumb fuckers.

Bit me on my tit, man.

Want me to kiss it and make it better?

-You wish. -Who are you?

This is my associate, Hector.

Hector, say hola to Mad Maxine

and Big Bad Betty.

Hola.

-I could sit on this face. -Mm. You want to?

We got nothing till the Levine's chow chow.

What do you say? You want to party?

I mean, we could throw down hard and hose you off in the van.

That's very kind.

Danny, can you spare him for a few hours?

He's yours.

Compliments of the house.

You're joking, right?

Do we look like we're joking?

No. Not currently. Danny?

-What? -Say something.

I want him back in one piece.

We'll do our best.

Hop in.

Don't worry, I got him chipped.

Hey, how's it going?

Okay.

Looks like you're taking a liking to Janelle and Ray Jr.

I am.

She's a good momma

and that little boy is just a spoonful of sugar.

I'm glad.

You know, I thought this house was gonna be

me and Frank's love nest.

But I'm starting to see what it was really meant for.

And what's that?

A warm, safe place

for all my great-grandchildren.

-All of 'em? -Yeah.

Why? How many are there?

Uh... three, I think.

Got more than enough space.

You want three baby mamas in this house?

Why not? You're a graduate of Brigham Young in Provo, Utah.

They didn't teach you how to manage a house full of wives?

Must have skipped that class.

Listen.

There's something else we need to talk about.

Go ahead.

It's about Frank.

-What about him? -He was making progress,

getting stronger every day and...

he just suddenly dies?

-You asking me a question? -No. No, no.

Look, I'm just confused.

-About? -About how I walked into his room

and... you were holding a pillow?

-You think I killed him? -And then,

you couldn't get him cremated fast enough.

You think I killed the man I love?

The man I waited 42 years for?

No, I didn't say that.

Well, then, who's saying it?

-Yeah. -Fuck you, Danny Calamari!

Fuck?

-Yeah? -Who are you?

-Who are you? -I work with Ray.

I made some baked ziti for his grandma.

Baked ziti.

Why don't you go run and get Ray for me?

Why is my ho sense tingling?

Are you calling me a ho?

The tingle don't lie.

Okay, just get out of--

Fuck you.

What the--

Whoa, whoa! Everybody calm down!

Let's all calm the fuck down!

-You fucking this ho? -What?

Ow!

You moved this cunt in?

You're dead!

Motherfucker. Son of a bitch!

Hey, motherfucker!

You motherfucker!

Stop it!

Oh, fuck,

you son of a... son of a bitch!

♪ J'aime ♪

♪ J'aime ♪

♪ I love Jimmy Luxury ♪

-♪ J'aime ♪ -♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ La-da-da-da ♪

♪ I'll see you tomorrow in Havana... ♪