Original subtitles

[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

- In a moment, when I say the number three,

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

you will enter a state of deep relaxation.

[DISTANT TRAFFIC NOISES]

All the stresses and worries of the day

will fall away

and you will feel completely relaxed...

[DISTANT CAR ALARM BLARES]

As you fall towards a state of tremendous well-being,

deeper and deeper.

One...

Deeper.

Two...

Deeper.

Three-- [TAPE CLICKS OFF]

[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLING]

Morning, Melville.

Here you go.

- [GRUNTS]

Blam.

[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[SLOSHING]

- What did you want to be when you grew up?

When you were a boy, I mean.

- Rich.

- I must say, that's mission accomplished.

- What do you want?

- What do I want?

What does anybody want?

Happiness, love, world peace.

That's the $6 million question, isn't it?

- You want $6 million?

- No. - These things take time.

It's all tied up in stocks and shares.

- Shut up.

- Please, don't kill me.

- I'm not going to.

You're gonna disappear.

You change your name, you take nothing with you,

you tell no one, and you never--

and this is the important bit--

you never, ever come back.

I hear Brazil's nice.

- Very nice.

- If you fail in any one of these conditions,

I will find you.

- Thank you.

- Don't thank me. Just do it.

- No, really. Thank you.

I haven't crapped for a week.

[GUNSHOT] Ooh.

- Shit.

What are you doing here, Bjorn?

This was my job.

- Your ass is mine now, Milo.

When management hears about this,

I'll have your head on a plate.

- Well, make your mind up.

Is it my head or my ass you want?

- A bit of both.

- Why not do it now, then?

- I don't want people accusing me of acting unprofessionally.

I'll wait for the paperwork.

And when I have it,

no one will be able to save you, not even Leo.

I've been waiting for this day ever since Amsterdam.

[CAR DOOR CLICKS SHUT]

[MOTOR PURRS AND TIRES SQUEAL]

- Hi. My name's Milo.

I'm 33.

[TAPE REWINDS]

Hi.

Hi, my name's Milo.

I'm 31.

I like going out to restaurants.

I like going to the cinema.

I love clubbing.

Uh, reading, writing, arithmetic--

shit.

My name's Milo.

I'm a professional hit man,

and I have been for too long.

What I am looking for?

Well...

Someone to--

someone to share things with.

A life without secrets.

A new beginning, I suppose,

if it's possible.

[SIGHS]

I've no idea what I am looking for.

I'll know it when I find it.

[GUNSHOT AND SMASHING]

[GUNSHOT AND GLASS SHATTERING]

[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING]

[GUNSHOT AND GLASS SHATTERING]

[YELPS]

[GUNSHOTS AND GLASS SHATTERING]

[GRUNTS]

[PHONE RINGS]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

[GUNSHOTS, GLASS SHATTERING, AND GRUNTING]

[LOUD CLICKING]

[LOUD CLANGING AND RINGING CONTINUES]

[PANTING] - Hello?

[GUNSHOT AND GLASS SHATTERS]

- I don't think I can go through with this.

- What are you talking about, Leo? Through with what?

- Have you seen what happens to people when they retire?

- Leo, we've been through this.

Don't see it as an end; See it as a new beginning.

Life is there for the taking.

- What do you think I've been doing for the past 20 years?

- That wasn't quite what I meant.

- You wouldn't say that if you were sitting where I am now.

- And where is that?

- I'm in my future.

I'm in the Autumn sun retirement village

with Stanley.

Anyway,

that's not why I rang you.

You're in deep trouble, Milo.

- So it would seem.

- Are you having a nervous breakdown?

- Leo, can we--

can we talk about this another time?

It's not--it's not really convenient right now.

- You have to acknowledge that you have a problem

before you can fix it, Milo.

In the meantime, get out of town.

Use the biscuit tin.

Go to my place in the country.

[CRASHING]

[CROWS CAWING]

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOTS]

- Melville!

[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]

[RATTLING AND CLANKING]

[ROOSTER CROWING]

- "And there went out another horse.

"And power was given to him that sat thereon

"to take peace from the earth

"and that they should kill one another.

"And I heard a voice

"in the midst of the four beasts say,

"'a measure of a wheat for a penny

"'and three measures of barley for a penny

and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.'"

- amen to that.

- "And I looked.

"And behold, a pale horse.

"And him that sat on him was death

and hell followed with him."

- [PANTING]

[ROOSTER CROWING]

[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

- [COUGHING AND CHOKING]

[SPITS]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

- What are you gawking at?

- Huh?

- [GRUNTING]

[SHEEP BLEATING]

- [SIGHS]

- [BURPS]

[EXPLOSION]

Smack! - Ooh!

- Oh, shit.

[WHIMPERING]

Shit!

[MOTOR RUMBLING]

- How are you feeling?

Come on, lucky. Off you go.

- Who are you?

- I was gonna ask you the same question.

- Where am I? - In my house.

- How did I get here? - My car.

You can let go of my arm now.

- A sheep exploded.

They don't normally do that.

- The question is, what were you doing up there?

- Why is that the question?

- Sheep don't blow themselves up.

- You think I did that?

I've got better things to do with my time.

- Is that right?

- Yes.

Yes, it is.

[GASPS]

- Where do you think you're going?

- Thank you for all your assistance.

I don't want to take up any more of your time.

- You're not going anywhere.

- I'm sorry?

- Not until I know for sure it wasn't you.

- You're serious? - Deadly.

Just look me in the eye and say it wasn't you,

then you're free to go.

- Do you treat all your guests like this?

- You're not a guest. You're a suspect.

Go on.

How hard it can be to look someone in the eye

and tell them the truth?

- It wasn't me.

- That wasn't too hard, was it?

You can go now. - Thank you.

- I'll give you a lift if you like.

- That won't be necessary.

- I know. Come on.

[BIRDS CLUCKING AND SQUAWKING]

Slam!

[RUSTLING AND THUD]

- [PANTING]

[GASPS]

It's a Glock 17.

It's made almost entirely of plastic,

making it un...de...tec...table

by metal...Detectors.

For this reason alone,

it is the hand gun of choice

for professional assistants.

For professional assassins.

- Thanks again.

- Take these. Painkillers.

They're for dogs.

So if you get an urge to cock your leg on a lamppost,

don't worry, it'll wear off.

Welcome to Gwynfyd.

- What I am looking for?

Someone to share things with.

- Oh, Milo.

- Hello.

Nice hat.

- Boy, she's a beauty, isn't she?

- Were you on the moors?

- That's right.

Give longshanks a right kicking.

Historical reenactment society.

- Longshanks?

- Edward I, king of England,

1272 to 1307.

I can see you are not an historical gentleman.

- No, I'm afraid not.

- It's you, isn't it?

- What's me? - You're him, aren't you?

I thought so.

- I think--i think you might have made some sort of mistake.

- Oh, no, no. Not at all. Not at all.

We've being expecting you.

- You have? - Yes, I knew it.

- You're the baker. - The baker?

The baker. The baker. [CHUCKLES]

Yes. Yes, of course I am.

- You know, I'll tell you what.

I knew it the moment you walked through that door there.

There's an aura of fresh bread about you.

You know, pies, scones, cakes. It's wonderful.

You just give it off.

I've often thought to myself,

there is no nobler craft than the baking of bread.

Where, after all, would we be without the humble loaf?

- Quite.

- Bryn Morgan, local apothecary,

brewer of medicinal liquids.

- Milo.

- Milo? - Yes?

- Never trust a man who doesn't give his full name.

- Milo.

M--Milo Shakespeare.

- Shakespeare! Thud!

[BOTH GRUNTING AND YELPING]

"Oh, the smell of blood still.

"All the perfumes of Arabia

will not sweeten this little hand."

[MOANS AND GROANS]

Macbeth. Any relation?

- To Macbeth?

- Shakespeare. - Not that I know of.

- Ah, more's the pity.

Great mind, wonderful writer,

not much hair, though.

Never trust baldness.

Rhys!

Get yourself up here now.

This is Milo, Milo Shakespeare,

no relation.

- Rhys Edwards.

I own a chop chip--

ship shop--shop chip--ship ship.

What do you call it?

COD almighty.

I own COD almighty.

Freshest haddock in the valley...

Or fish cakes

or any fish-related product...

Really.

- Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Rhys.

- Nothing better than the smell of fresh fish.

Is there, Bryn?

Except the smell of fresh bread, of course.

[SNORTS]

Bang!

- [EXHALES]

- What we can do for you, Milo?

- I'm just looking for a telephone.

Well, I can't stay here forever.

They think I'm the baker, Leo.

Why didn't you tell me it was a bakery,

for Christ's sake?

- Well, I would have thought it was obvious

from the photo.

- What photo?

- With the rest of the information.

- There was no photo, Leo.

- That's strange.

Does it matter if it's a bakery?

- Eh, it just might.

What was the name of that plastic surgeon?

The one that did Victor after the Sao Paulo fiasco?

- Forget the plastic surgeon, Milo.

I'm working on it

as we speak, in fact,

but it could take some time.

Just sit tight.

[BEEPING] - Hello?

Hello? [CLICKING]

[DIAL TONE DRONING] Leo?

- Thanks for the drink, Henry.

Be lucky.

- "COD almighty."

- He's not a baker.

- Who's not a baker?

- The baker!

- The baker's not a baker.

- It's a cover.

- I see.

- I don't know why he's here yet.

I'm guessing it's a big job.

He could be a sleeper.

Yeah, someone who goes in

months or years before the job

to establish themselves in the community,

thereby, you know,

avoiding suspicion when the day comes.

- What day is that then?

- Well, for the hit.

- The hit?

- He's a hit man.

- You're fired.

- Huh?

- I can't have dangerously delusional employees

serving my customers.

You'll put them off their fish.

Take my advice:

Stay off the drugs.

- That's your answer to everything.

He's a hit man. I'm telling you.

The bakery is a front.

[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]

- Well,

my commander will be very interested in this.

- Your commander? - Mm-hmm.

Of the alien mother ship I come from, see?

This shop is just a front.

And I'm really an alien come here

to study the brain activity of imbeciles.

That's why I employed you, Eggs.

- I can prove it.

Guess what I've got in my trousers.

- Oh, god.

Eggs, no! Don't, please--

bloody hell.

Is that what I think it is? - Yes.

- Is it--is it real?

Eggs, give it to me.

Come on.

- No! - Give it.

Just give it to me!

[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[GUNSHOT AND GLASS SHATTERS]

♪ Throw me a line ♪

♪ I got to leave this place ♪

♪

- Mm, smells good.

- One of my patients.

You win some; You lose some.

- So you work here too?

- Gets me out in the evenings.

- Life in the fast Lane, eh?

- Life in the hard shoulder's more like it.

- Great.

- Yes, it is. It's great.

Which Lane do you drive in?

- Well, slow Lane, mostly.

Sometimes on a crazy day,

I might wander into the middle Lane.

- Hmm.

So Milo...

What are you running away from?

- How do you mean?

- You don't move to a place like Gwynfyd

unless you're running from something.

- Yeah, I wanted a change.

- From what?

- From what I was doing.

- What was that?

- That's baking, of course.

- But you're still a baker.

- Yeah, but I'm in a different place now.

Do you ever stop asking questions?

- Once they're all answered.

Does it bother you?

- Is that why you're here?

Are you running from something?

- What makes you think I'm not from here?

- Are you? - No.

- So.

- Have you always been a baker? - Not always.

Is it true that vets are just doctors

who don't like people?

Is that why you came here, to be with animals?

- I met quite a few animals when I lived in the city.

Why did you choose Gwynfyd?

- I heard there was shortage of baked goods.

- Is that right?

- That's right.

- So when do we get our first taste of fresh bread?

- Oh, you know, soon.

- I wouldn't leave it too long or people will start to talk.

- About what?

- About the baker who doesn't bake.

Will you be making donuts? - Donuts?

- The ones with jam in the middle.

There's nothing better than biting into a jam-filled donut,

and feeling the jam squirt out all over your chin.

Don't you think?

- Mm.

- How's your head?

- I'll live.

- Glad to hear it.

Enjoy your meal.

- Doing some baking, are you?

- Ooh, nothing gets past you, does it?

Sharp as a spoon and half as useful.

- Spoons can be very useful.

[SLAPPING]

- [GRUNTING]

- At this time,

the female often gorges to such an extent

that the weaker male can be fatally crushed.

- Martha!

- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING AND SMACKING]

[SHEEP BLEATING]

[SMASHING]

[SNIPPING]

[SHEEP BLEATING FAINTLY]

[BELCHING]

[EXPLOSION]

[DOG BARKING FAINTLY]

- [SIGHS]

[DOG CONTINUES BARKING]

[SIGHS]

[SIRENS BLARING]

- What can I get you?

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

- Ahh!

[WHIMPERS]

- [GASPS]

[WAILING]

[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING AND SCREAMING]

Click! [ZAPPING AND SCREAMING CONTINUE]

- [LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Oh!

That's priceless.

This'll look good with the others.

- You...

Go too far.

- Oh, I go all the way, boy.

You ask your wife...

If you know where she is.

- I will see you in the grave,

Robert Richards.

- Not if I see you there first,

Alun Thomas.

- It's a Glock 17.

Click! 9 millimeter.

A favorite with hit men.

And it's made almost entirely out of plastic

and can be dismantled

for transportation through airports

and other areas of high security.

- This must go no further, Bryn.

- No. No, no, of course not.

What's a baker doing with a gun?

BOTH: He's not a baker.

[BELL JINGLING]

- Oh.

- Rhys.

- Yes, dear?

- I want a word with you.

- Well, I'm a bit busy-- - now.

- Of course.

I'll be right back.

Click!

- [GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

- Maybe he's just here on holiday.

- Then why is he opening a bakery?

Is he on a baking holiday?

- [CHUCKLES] Dear god.

Whoever heard of a baking holiday?

Look, he's just a baker

who happens to be a weapons enthusiast.

Well, you never know.

- We think he's a sleeper.

- Bryn!

Have you gone completely mad?

- "Oh, aye.

"I am but mad north-north-west

when the wind is southerly I know a hawk from a handsaw."

- What the bloody hell are you talking about?

- Hamlet.

- I'm talking about Shakespeare.

- Well, there we are then.

- What? - Shakespeare.

- Yeah. - Well, that's it.

- For god's sake, I'm talking about the baker.

- Oh, yes. Yes, the baker.

- It was supposed to be a secret.

- I know. I know.

There's nothing I can do about it.

You know the way word gets around in this place.

- I was only gone for ten minutes.

- See what I mean?

- Do you think he's a sleeper, Rhys?

- He's here to establish a cover

until the big day comes

when he has to...

Assassinate someone.

- Assassinate?

- Shh!

- Well, who precisely around here

qualifies for that term?

- Well, it could be any one of us.

Who knows who's paying his wages.

- "Then not to ask for whom the bell tolls.

It tolls for the thee."

- Me? What have I done?

- No, no. Not you specifically, Rhys.

Not--no, no. I mean more generally...

Like, you know, the--

- the presidential elections are coming up.

- [CHUCKLING]

- I don't think president of the local golf club

counts as a potential target, Simon.

- It's the oldest cover in the book,

like mafia guys who own pizza restaurants

except when someone goes in and orders a meat feast,

they're not asking for a pizza.

If you know what I mean.

- So what?

You go to the bakery,

ask for a chocolate sponge,

and before you know it...

Your neighbor's pushing up daisies.

- Or wife.

BOTH: Or dad.

- Or...

Anyone at all.

- The baker.

That's his code name, probably.

It's brilliant!

Thud!

Thud! - [SIGHS]

- But what's he doing here?

- Whatever the reason,

he's here:

A professional assassin in our midst.

- The baker.

- Don't you work in the chip shop?

- Afternoons.

- Two jobs?

Not many people could handle that.

- I can...

And a secret identity if I have to.

[BELL JINGLES]

- Checking out the competition?

- Something like that.

- You have nothing to worry about.

Those are terrible.

- So what do people do here in the evenings?

When they're not sitting on the hard shoulder.

You know, for fun.

- Ah, for fun. You know, the usual.

- The usual?

- You know, playing scrabble,

darning socks,

alphabetizing the video collection,

the usual.

- Right, the usual. I see.

- Occasionally, we go on dates.

- Great.

With other...

Village people?

- He wants to know if she'd like to go on a date with him,

but he doesn't know how to ask.

- She isn't sure if that's such a good idea.

I mean, you know...

Whatever.

- How about sometime this week?

Would that suit you, do think?

- I suppose so.

- Great, she'll check her diary and get back to him.

- Magic.

- He can't wait.

5 pounds 35, please.

- Thanks.

- Guess I'll let you know.

- Great.

- Who said romance was dead?

[GERMAN MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

♪

- [HUMMING]

Thud!

Thud!

Thud!

Good morning.

How can I help you?

Bread? Certainly.

White, brown,

granary?

Hmm?

A donut?

[SCOFFS] Of course.

Anything else I can help you with?

God, what are you thinking of?

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT MURMURING]

- Hey, did you get those chips yet?

- Yeah, just about to.

Oh! [CLATTERS]

Thud!

- I wonder how much he charges.

- Ooh.

Who have you got in mind?

- Hypothetically is what I meant.

- A samurai... [GASPS]

Never sells himself cheaply.

- Samurai?

- Yeah, yeah. Samurai,

assassin, hit man,

problem solver, cleaner,

Terminator, liquidator, mutilator...

- I think I get the picture.

- Annihilator,

exterminator.

[BELL JINGLES AND BOTH YELP]

- Thinking of doing any work today

or you just gonna stare out of your glass bowl

like gold fish?

[POPPING]

Bring home some fish for your tea.

I haven't got time to go to the shops today.

- Yes, dear.

- Mind you...

Some jobs are probably cheaper than others.

[BOTH SPEAKING WELSH]

[BOTH GIGGLE]

- I'm your man.

- You better come in.

[SILVERWARE CLINKING]

- [LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

[CRUNCHING]

[SPITS]

- Excuse me, dear.

I just have to...

Go out for a minute.

- [CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

Thud!

Thud!

[LAUGHTER]

- Hello?

Is anybody there?

- Ah, Mr. Edwards.

- Please, Rhys.

I, uh...

I want to talk to you about something.

- Yes?

Is this a good moment?

- Well, actually...

- It is rather a, uh... Delicate matter.

It's my wife, you see. She's--

how can I put this?

She's--

she's squeezing the life out of me.

- Right.

I am listening.

- It's just that sometimes, I, uh..

I, you know--i want to do the same to her but I can't...

Do it.

- Uh-huh.

- The thing is, I'm weak.

I don't mean physically, though that might be a problem.

It's a mental thing.

And I was hoping you might be able to, uh...

Do something for me.

You know?

Bake her a cake.

- Bake her a cake?

- Yeah.

- You want me to bake your wife a cake?

What kind of cake?

- Chocolate?

- Of course I can bake her a cake.

- Really?

- Cakes are what I do.

- [GASPS] So it's true.

You are the baker.

- Yes, I am.

- There is a...

Small matter of payment?

- No, no.

Consider it a sample of my work,

an introductory offer, if you like.

- Oh, thank you.

I can't tell you how much this means to me.

You've saved me from...

Thank you.

Thank you.

- We villagers have to look out for each other.

- Oh, you're right.

So right.

[FLY BUZZING]

Zap!

Ting! Plop!

- No, please. No.

Not that, please. No, no!

[MUFFLED SCREAMS]

- Mm!

[CLICKING]

- Rhys! - Mm.

Hiss! [WHIMPERS]

- You've seen my magazine?

Have you been smoking?

You get stranger every day.

You really are a poor excuse for a man, aren't you?

- Mm.

Hiss! Ah!

- Not a day goes past that I don't wish

I'd listened to my sister.

- I'll be off, then, dear.

Have a nice day.

- So, um...

Eggs.

That's an unusual name.

Is it because your father's a chicken farmer or--

- no.

Because he's a wanker.

When can I get started on some real work?

- Oh, the longest journey begins with the first step.

- Right.

The path to enlightenment

is littered with dead bodies.

- What?

- Wax on. Wax off.

Hi-ya! [EXPLOSION]

- [CHUCKLING]

[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

[SOBBING]

My love...

Gone forever.

- I'm so sorry.

- Thank you.

- [CLEARS THROAT]

- [CLEARS THROAT]

And...

I offer a song

that will forever remind us of Martha,

a song that was a personal favorite of hers,

a song that she would play over and over

and over on our jukebox.

[ELECTRICITY HUMS]

[GUITAR CHORD STRUMS]

[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[WISTFUL GUITAR MUSIC]

♪

ALL: ♪ Volaré! ♪

♪ oh-oh! ♪

♪ Cantaré ♪

♪ oh whoa-oh ♪

♪ Nel blu ♪

♪ dipinto di blu ♪

♪ Felice ♪

♪ di stare lassù ♪

- [SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

♪

ALL: ♪ Volaré! ♪

♪ oh-oh! ♪

♪ Cantaré ♪

♪ oh whoa-oh ♪

♪ Nel blu ♪

♪ dipinto di blu ♪

♪ Felice ♪

♪ di stare lassù ♪

♪ We can sing in the glow ♪

♪ of a star that I know of ♪

♪ where lovers enjoy peace of mind ♪

♪ let us leave the confusion ♪

♪ and all the disillusion behind ♪

♪

♪ Just like birds of a feather ♪

♪ a rainbow together we'll find ♪

♪

♪ Volaré! ♪

♪ oh-oh! ♪

♪ Cantaré ♪

♪ oh whoa-oh ♪

♪ Nel blu ♪

♪ dipinto di blu ♪

♪ Felice ♪

♪ di stare lassù ♪

♪ Nel blu ♪

♪ dipinto di blu ♪

♪ Felice ♪

♪ di stare lassù ♪

♪ Nel blu ♪

♪ dipinto di blu ♪

♪

- [BREATHING DEEPLY]

Rip! [GASPS]

[SIGHS]

- Looking good, boss.

- You don't think the tie's too formal or--

- a tie is a symbol of potency.

- Hmm.

- Do you think I'm ready?

- Oh, have you got a date then?

- A date with destiny.

- I'm sure you'll knock her dead.

- Him.

- Him?

- It's Bob Richards tonight.

- Oh.

Great.

Great. I'm--

I'm really happy for you.

Well, wish me luck then.

- You don't need any luck.

You're the man. [CLICKS TONGUE]

[VIDEO GAME GUNSHOTS]

- Can I help you?

[VIDEO GAME CHARACTER SCREAMING]

- I'd like a pickled egg.

- Ah.

Very good choice.

Finest pickled eggs in the valley

if I say so myself.

- [GULPS]

[GASPS]

- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

- I'm looking for someone.

And I believe he may have come this way.

- Maybe you can help me. - I can certainly try.

What are the gloves for?

Snap!

[ENERGETIC LATIN MUSIC]

♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪

- Is that a tie in your pocket

or are you just pleased to see me?

- Oh. It's a tie.

But I am pleased to see you,

very pleased.

[CHUCKLES]

- Come in.

[LOUD FUNKY MUSIC]

♪

ding!

[FUNKY MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪

♪ Let me be your lover ♪

♪ Let me ♪

[MUFFLED MUSIC]

[MUSIC AND MOANING]

[GIRL MOANING ON TV]

♪

[MUSIC AND MOANING CONTINUES]

♪

Leonard.

Leonard, come here.

- [CAT MEOWS] - Come on.

♪ Love me ♪

- meow!

♪ Love me ♪

♪

♪ Learn to love me ♪

♪ Let me be your lover boy ♪

♪

[GUNSHOT]

- [SCREAMING]

- [GASPS]

[WHIMPERS]

[SCREAMING AND MUSIC CONTINUES]

- Ta-da!

- Wow.

What are they?

- Donuts.

- Of course they are. How silly of me.

Now you said it, it's obvious.

Crunch!

- Well?

- Mm.

- Really? - Really.

It's really...

Different.

- Rhiannon...

There's something I've got to tell you.

- What is it?

- I'm not a baker.

I mean, I've only--

I've only just started baking very recently.

- Really?

- I feel like I've been doing it my whole life

or at least, I should have been...

All these years.

When I bake, I'm free.

- Being free is important.

- Oh, you've--you've got some--

a little bit of jam on your...

- Where?

- It's just, um...

- Where is it? Have I got it?

- No, it's--it's more--

[BRASSY LATIN MUSIC]

♪

- what's wrong? Don't you like it?

- No, I-- no, I love it.

I love it.

Carry on, please.

- What? What is it?

- Not what. Who.

- Eggs, what are you doing here?

- I only did it.

I only bloody did it.

One of you now, aren't I?

- Did what, Eggs?

- Who'd have thought you made so much mess?

- Eggs, what are you talking about?

- You talking to me?

I can't see anyone else around here.

Thud!

[SHEEP BLEATING FAINTLY]

- I'd better get him back.

I feel responsible.

Eggs...

Eggs.

Come on. Come on.

[SCUFFLING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

Here we go.

I think he should be all right there.

[CHUCKLES]

- I think so.

- Thanks for your help.

- I better get going.

[CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYS]

♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora, ♪

♪ shake your body line ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora, ♪

♪ shake it all the time ♪

♪ Work, work, work, Senora, ♪

♪ work your body line ♪

♪ Work, work, work, Senora, ♪

♪ work it all the time ♪

♪ You can talk about cha-cha ♪

♪ Tango, waltz or the rumba ♪

♪ Senora's dance has no title ♪

♪ You jump in the saddle Hold on to the bridle ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body on time ♪

♪ (Okay, I believe you) ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body on time ♪

♪ (Okay, I believe you) ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body on time ♪

♪ (Okay, I believe you) ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body on time ♪

♪ (Whoa!) ♪

♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body in time ♪

♪ (Okay, I believe you) ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body in time ♪

♪ (Hoist those skirts a little higher) ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body in time ♪

♪ (Up the chim-en-y) ♪

♪ Jump in the line, ♪

♪ rock your body in time ♪

♪ (Whoa-oh) ♪

♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora ♪

♪ shake your body line ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, Senora ♪

♪ shake it all the time ♪

♪ Work, work, work, Senora ♪

[BOTH MOAN SOFTLY]

- Oh, Milo, what have you done?

What have you done?

[CLANGING AND CLATTERING]

[DOG BARKING]

[CLANGING AND CLATTERING]

- We're the same now, Milo!

Bang, bang, Bob.

Poor Bob.

All gone now.

[CLATTERING]

- Eggs. Eggs. Eggs!

You're drunk.

Go back to your caravan.

- Back to the caravan?

There's no going back anywhere for Eggs.

Forward only, on to the next victim.

- What do you mean "next victim"?

You what?

- I said, "I killed Bob."

I killed Bob. I killed Bob.

I killed Bob.

- [STAMMERS]

Tell me what happened.

- Well, he was in the kitchen

cooking or something.

I went down to the rear window.

You know, in the garden

so no one could see me, right?

Like a ninja.

And I just pulled the gun out and shot him.

- You shot him? Why?

- I had the date with destiny.

- Well, did you have quarrel?

Lovers tiff or--

- huh?

- Did he try to make you do things

you didn't want to do?

It's all right, Eggs. You can tell me.

- What?

- Oh, Eggs!

Why did you shoot Bob in the garden?

- I know. I know.

I should have gone inside and done it.

I lost my bottle, okay?

I couldn't do it face to face.

I'm not a professional like you.

- What did you say?

- I just want to get out of this village,

live an exciting life,

kill important people,

be a hit man, like you.

It was horrible.

His chest just seemed to explode.

- Eggs, I'm a baker.

- You are the baker.

Here.

You'd better have this back.

- Eggs, why did you kill Bob?

- He was first in the list.

- What list?

- This list.

I just wanted to be like you.

- Who else knows?

- Everyone.

- I see.

- Well, except a few.

Rhiannon doesn't know, obviously,

or she wouldn't have--

- it's all right. Thanks, Eggs.

And the list?

- Clients.

- They didn't want cake? - No.

- Bread?

Is there anybody in this village

who doesn't want someone dead?

- Possibly Mrs. Pritchard.

You didn't know.

- Well, that's it then.

[CAR MOTOR STARTING]

Oh, no.

[BANGING]

Rhiannon, please.

- What do you want?

- I want to talk to you.

- I've nothing to say to you.

- I can explain.

- You can explain? Go on then.

- Everyone...

Has got a few skeletons in their closet.

- That's supposed to be a figure of speech.

You lied to me. What else is there to say?

- I didn't lie to you.

I just didn't tell you everything.

- I'd say the fact that you used to be

a professional assassin is more than just a detail

in your past, wouldn't you?

Or have I got it wrong?

Just look me in the eye, Milo, and tell me the truth.

That's all I ask. Is that too hard? Is it?

Have I got it wrong? - No.

- I really thought you were different.

- Rhiannon, give me a chance.

A man can change.

I am not that person anymore.

I'm a baker now.

- You know what? I don't want to hear it.

Good-bye, Milo.

Have a nice life.

Actually, I don't even care what kind of life you have.

Just have it somewhere else.

I was very happy on the hard shoulder.

- Rhiannon, please.

I can't justify what I did

or what I used to be.

All I know is what the future could be,

and it--and it could be great.

- No, it could have been great, Milo.

It could have been.

- You're leaving.

- I wouldn't expect you to understand, Eggs.

- Well, I do.

Time for the gunman to ride off into the sunset,

all alone.

No one to worry about you,

no ties to any community,

no one to mourn you when you finally meet your match.

Take me with you.

I know I'm not cut out for the killing part,

but you're bound to need an assistant.

Someone to book your jobs,

take your shirt to the dry cleaners,

wipe clean the crime scene.

- It's a tempting offer,

but I'm gonna have to pass.

- [WHIMPERING]

[SCREAMING AND WAILING HYSTERICALLY]

- What happened?

- A blond man with rubber gloves, he--

he did things.

It was horrible.

But that's not the worst part.

- What--what can be worse than--

[STAMMERS] That's depraved.

- I know, but the worst part--

- after old lady.

Oh, hey! [LAUGHS]

- Bob?

Bob!

You're alive.

He's alive!

You're--

- gorgeous, I know.

Don't wet yourself about it.

- I was saying the worst part is...

- But how? - Some of us just have it, Eggs.

- But last night--

- please, it's important!

- Get off!

- Bob, what happened?

- Happened last night?

[GUNSHOT AND SCREAMING]

Bloody thing went everywhere.

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

- Oh, Bob! You're alive!

- What the hell's got into you?

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

- Quiet!

He's got Rhiannon.

- Where is he?

- At the castle.

It's you he wants.

- Then it's me he'll get.

- Why does he want him? Isn't he a baker?

- No,

he's the baker.

- You know what?

He's right.

I am just a baker.

And I did really think you were ordering cakes.

I just wanted to start again.

I thought this would be a good place to do it.

I thought you were good people.

- At least we don't go around blowing up people's wives.

- What, you think I had something to do

with Martha's death?

- I--I-- - what are you implying?

- Whatever happened, I had nothing to do with it.

- Didn't you?

Then how--

- This is a list of orders

for cakes

that details precisely who wanted what kind of cake

and for whom.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

- Milo!

What happened to you all?

How did you get like this?

If it was one of you out there,

Milo would do something about it.

Do you know why?

Because he's our friend.

- Eggs is right.

Milo is our friend.

He's one of us.

And if we can't help one of our own,

then what hope is there for any of us?

I've learned something from our baker,

apart from how easy it is to get somebody killed.

And that's that everybody deserves

a second chance.

Milo, he deserves a second chance.

Come on.

Hey.

What do you say?

Why don't we...

Why don't we do something together for once?

Why don't we show some of that Gwynfyd spirits

and go and kick some ass!

Let's go and rescue our baker!

Right. It's me and you then, Eggs.

- Let her go, Bjorn!

- [MUFFLED SCREAM]

- Oh, no, the baker's here.

- She's nothing to do with this.

- Oh, but she is.

What are you gonna do, dough boy?

Bake me a cake?

- I'm not coming back, Bjorn.

So you can run along and tell the company.

- Ah, yes, the company

they did ask me to do something for you

now, what was it? Um...

Something about taking care of you.

They're so thoughtful.

This isn't for the company, Milo.

This is for me.

- What do you mean it's for you?

- Do you know how long I waited for you

on that bridge in Amsterdam in the pouring rain

watching the barges on the Amstel float past?

Hours.

I thought that finally I found something good,

something real,

that finally, this crazy world made some kind of sense.

Now I see it's just what I thought it was:

Dark, cruel...

Absurd.

- Bjorn, we've been through this.

I think you're a interesting guy

with a lot of really fun instincts,

but what you want, it's not possible

for so many reasons.

As for Amsterdam, I'm not really sure--

- forget it.

It's all water under the bridge now.

Under that lonely, lonely bridge.

- She means nothing to me.

- [MUFFLED PROTESTS]

- It was just a night of fun.

- Oh, lucky girl.

Oscar Wilde once said,

"we always kill the ones we love."

He was right about so many things.

- [MUFFLED SCREAMS] - Wait!

Let's do this properly.

- Milo, you never cease to amaze me.

This time, I fear you've bitten off

more than you can chew.

I want to make this painless and fair.

As Oscar Wilde once said,

"always play fairly

when you're holding the winning cards."

[METALLIC RASPING AND CLINKING]

Milo.

[SCREAMING AND GRUNTING]

I'll miss you, Milo.

[GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

- [MUFFLED SPEECH]

He's got a gun.

- Release our baker.

- This is very boring, Milo.

Tell your little friends to stay out of this.

This has nothing to do with them.

- Oh, yes, it has.

He's our baker.

You take him on;

you take us all on.

- I just want to live a normal life, Bjorn

doing something I love

possibly with someone I love.

Is that too much to ask?

I don't think so.

And I don't think you think so either.

- You call this normal?

- It's as close as I'm ever likely to get.

- You love her.

Maybe she loves you.

You might even be happy together.

But then again,

there is the chance that she'll break your heart.

And then you'll feel what I felt,

and that will be worse than death.

You know what?

I'm willing to take that chance.

Smack!

[ALL CHEER]

[LAUGHTER]

Slap!

ALL: Aw!

[LAUGHTER]

- What's the hold-up?

Everyone's waiting.

You're getting there.

- [SIGHS]

- Come on.

- I'll be right there.

- You've been busy.

- Leo, what are you doing here?

- I might ask you the same question.

Made yourself quite at home, haven't you?

I know I said you should blend in,

but this is taking it a bit far, don't you think?

- How's retirement?

- Retirement was never gonna do it for me, Milo.

I need to work, get my hands dirty.

So I instigated a takeover bid.

Hostile, of course.

And I'm pleased to say it was completely successful.

New management team

with me at the top.

You can come back.

- Thanks,

but no thanks.

- Oh, it's entirely safe.

Any employee loyal to the old manager

has been removed.

So there's no reason for you

to stay here any longer, is there?

- Actually there is, Leo.

They need a baker.

- What are you trying to tell me?

That you're going to be a baker?

I'm saying that I already am a baker, Leo.

So unless it's a baker that the company needs,

I don't think I'll be of any use to you.

- Milo, please tell me you're joking.

- Milo!

- I suppose this is the punch line.

I've seen many a good man go like this.

Very messy.

And this?

- Well, I'll give you a fair price.

- You're serious.

- Milo?

- Hey.

Hey, sorry. I was just--

- are you all right? - Yeah, fine.

Fine, I was just getting some--

you know... And then I remembered that--

- nervous?

- Does it show? - Not at all.

- Good.

Rhiannon, um...

This is, um...

- This is what?

- This is happiest day in my life.

- [CLEARS THROAT]

I can't hold them much longer.

- I now pronounce... What do you call it?

Shakespeare's cake officially open.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[WHIMSICAL PIANO MUSIC]

♪

[SHATTERING]

[EXPLOSION]