All language subtitles for The.Apprenticeship.Of.Duddy.Kravitz.1974.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]ENG

Fletcher Field Cadets!

Quick march!

Gee, that's terrific.

Wow.

Hey, guys, look what's coming!

Duddy, stop it!

Hey, Mr. James,
is it true you were

a pastry chef in the first war?

Forward march!

Forward march!

We're like this, you know.

But I'd say it to his face even.

The boy wonder was no better
than a bum in this town.

What's he now, the gangster?

- All right, all right.
- Whatever, whatever, all right?

Anyway, Laplante, he's broke.

So he goes up to Park Avenue

and starts hanging on the streetcar stops.

You known what he's doing?

Collecting streetcar
transfers off the street

and selling them.

Nerve?

Nerve.

At three cents apiece, he's got
about a quarter in two hours

and he walks right in that door, Laplante,

and sits in on the rummy game.

Did he win?

He runs it up to about 10
bucks in no time at all.

Now you know what he does next?

Hi ya, Pop.

Oh, look at the little soldier.

You all know my kid, don't you?

Is this Lennie?

- No.
- Lennie?

Lennie's 22. He's gonna be a doctor.

He's had scholarships all through school.

This is Duddy. He's a dope like me.

Oh, geez, come on.

Get some supper.

- Hey, Moe.
- Hi ya, Duddy.

Hi ya, Sully.

Give me a special please.

Oh, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

So, the boy wonder takes
the $10 and places it

on a horse running at Belmont.

Now the horse comes in and pays 11 to one.

Now he goes looking for a babat game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now picture him, Laplante.

A 29-year-old boy who hasn't
even made his name yet.

Yeah, all night he spends
gambling with those lowlifes.

Gangsters, anti-Semites, the like.

I mean, if he loses, all
right, but if he wins,

are they gonna let that
little St. Urban Street Jew

walk off with all that money?

Now just imagine, Laplante.

It's dawn.

The city is awakening.

In the Jewish General Hospital let's say

a baby is being born.

In the Catholic hospital,
now no offense, Laplante,

some poor misbeguided nun
has just died of an abortion.

The boy wonder steps
out into God's sunlight,

and in his pocket is close
to a thousand dollars.

Duddy.

Now mortals like you and I
go home and get some sleep.

The boy wonder catches the
first train to Baltimore.

And you know that's a tough horse town.

I mean, for six weeks
we don't hear from him.

Expect the worst, I said to myself.

Ah, then one day, who
should come into town

but Jerry Dingleman, the boy wonder?

Only this time, he's
driving a car a block long

and sitting beside him is the greatest

little piece you ever saw.

I mean, knockers, hoo hoo hoo!

And you know what else?

He's got his own stable now. No, I swear!

He's got eight horses
running at Baltimore, yeah.

And from what? From what, Laplante?

Streetcar transfers at three cents apiece.

Can you beat that?

Ooh.

She's got a sign in her bra,
and you know what it says?

It says, watch out for the four-foot drop.

Duddy, you're gonna have
to go home by yourself.

I gotta take Josette some place.

Why can't Dubrowski take Josette?

Because it's gotta be me.

Now will you do as I ask, please?

Aw, geez.

He gets it off the top.

Hey, you're pimping for her.

Duddy, how many times have I told you

not to barge in like
that when I'm studying?

Oh yeah, I know. Anatomy's a big killer.

Oh hey hey, hey hey, I got a job

as a waiter up north this summer.

You don't have to worry about your fees

for school next year,
you can have all my tips.

Great.

Oh, I know, don't tell me.

Uncle Benjy's gonna pay all my fees.

Get outta here.

- All right, all right.
- You got any matches?

Throw me the matches.

Duddy!

Uncle Benjy, Uncle Benjy.

You see that old geezer,
the one in the corner?

He's been stealing bolts
of cloth. I saw him.

Joey, Line One.

In all my years in the trade,

I never hired anybody to
spy on the workers here.

Why not?

You afraid you're gonna find
even more of them stealing?

You know with all your
loans and helping them

set up the union, they still think

you're a Jew and a capitalist.

Oh hoo hoo, some kid you are.

Not like Lennie, eh?

I hear you're selling
underwear to the girls

you get from a mail order house.

How did you make all
your money, Uncle Benjy?

What am I gonna do with you?

Why don't you fire me?

I won't fire you. It
would hurt your grandfather.

If you never had any
spies, how come you knew

I was selling the underwear,
you son of a bitch?

Your grandfather was a
failure in this country.

Why?

Your Uncle Benjy, with all
his money, is nothing too.

Of your father I won't even speak.

A man without land is nobody.

Remember that, Duddy.

Zeda.

If I got some land,
you know, lots of land,

would I be a somebody then?

I know, I know, I see the cards.

Can I give you a hand?

What's your name?

Yvette.

Ow!

Your book, uh?

Hot stuff, really. The real McCoy.

Listen, you ever read
"God's Little Acre," huh?

Horniest book I ever read.

Hot stuff.

This volume is reserved for members

of the medical profession.

You a doctor?

I'm Irwin Schubert.

How are you?

That's Joe Vinsky.

- Hi.
- How you doing?

That's Donald Levitt.

- Hi.
- Hi.

And that is Bernie Ulfman.

Hello.

Hi, Bernie.

Haven't seen you on campus.

You must be Kravitz then, eh.

Hey, that's right.

Hey, how'd you know that?

You go to Fletcher's
Field High, don't you?

Well I graduated.

So, you're at McGill?

All of us. We're only
here for the season.

I don't know what got into Rubin,

putting a regular waiter in with us.

No no, no no no.

I'm not a regular waiter.

See, my father is in the
transport business, like.

And I'm up here, I'm making a study

of the hotel business, like.

Possibly you might also make
a study of English grammar.

Like.

Yours is abominable.

Irwin.

Irwin, the bread is stale, Irwin.

You're right.

Oh my God.

Two more, Paddy, come
on. Let's go, come on, man.

No tomatoes, and tomatoes.

Paddy, Paddy, where are my blintzes?

I ordered them a half hour ago.

Coming through. Two
plates of blintzes, Paddy.

Boychik.

Yes, sir.

We're the Fathers.

We're here for the season.

I like snappy service.

You give it to us, you get the other half.

Capiche?

Just a little token of friendship.

Coming through, coming through.

Five blintzes, Paddy.

Three blintzes, Paddy. Thank you.

Boy, he's a lovely lad that.

Let's, let's not make a big fuss.

I just, I got some extra tips, that's all.

Atta boy, Irwin, pull.

Hey, use your left hand.
It'll feel like someone else.

Put yourself in hand, Irwin.

Look at him.

He's got three more
tables than anybody else

in the dining room and,
still, he never stops.

It's cretinous little
money grubbers like Kravitz

that cause anti-Semitism, you know.

Hey, there you are.

Did you have a nice summer, Mr. Cohen?

Wonderful.

Good, very good. Very, very good.

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Don't spend it all in one place.

No, sir. Thank you very much.

Anything for a dollar.

"Look."

Well, David, how do
you like shoveling food

into the greedy mouths
of the nouveau riches?

Uh, well your father,

father's a very, very
decent man to work for.

Did you know he pinches all

the chambermaids' little bums?

Have to go now.

Hey, isn't tonight your night off?

Yeah, so?

Huh?

Good night, suckers.

♪ The wonder boy ♪

♪ His magic touch will soon destroy ♪

♪ Your will to resist ♪

Tell me, David, is it true

that you and Yvette are cohabiting?

I'm told she's wild about soixante-neuf.

But take care, child. Most
of them have gonorrhea.

Hey, ever read "God's Little Acre"?

Do you wanna know if I go the limit?

Don't you think Jewish girls do that?

Hey, hey hey. Come on.

I been around, you know.

They love it,

just as much as shikses.

Maybe even more.

Well?

I could lose everything.

$300 is a lotta money. That's all my tips.

I thought you were a gambler.

It's not that I'm a gambler.

I need a stake.

I got a lot of ideas. I'm
a real comer, you know?

Only trouble is, there's
a lotta comers before me.

I mean, Toni Home Permanent's
already been invented.

Goddammit.

Some other guy already thought of Kleenex.

Listen.

Listen.

The man who invented the supermarket,

he must have been just some schnook

of a corner grocer once, right?

I mean, even the boy wonder,
you know the boy wonder

just sold streetcar transfers once?

He and my old man are just
like this. Did you know that?

Well.

I'll risk it.

Zero, ha ha, no winners! Woo hoo!

Oh, okay, having fun.
All right, here we go.

No winner, no winner. Place
your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, don't get so nervous.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Betting is up to you.

There we go.

Place your bets, place your bets.

Contribute to the fund.

All right, that's it, that's
it, that's it, all right.

That's it, no more bets, no more bet.

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

Come on.

Come to the Daddy. Black Six.

No winners, zero winners.

We have a winner here? All
right, we have a winner.

You can have a little chip.

I give you a little chip,

and I take all the rest of the chips.

Okay, okay, place your bets.

Here's an eight. Here's my lucky number.

Here's my lucky number.
Here's my lucky number.

Hey, get off my lucky number, here.

18 red.

Okay, okay, no winners at all.

All right, listen, listen, listen.

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

I know you've all been losing a lot.

So I'm no Cheapskate, I'm no chiseler.

So this is what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna raise the
betting limit to a dollar.

From now on, you can beta dollar

on any number you want, all right?

Place your bets. Place your bets.

Number Seven's your number.

Okay, suckers, come on, come on.

All right, that's it,
that's it, no more bets.

Here we go.

25, 25, we have a winner.

We finally have a winner.
Who is it, who is it?

Irwin, Herbert, Irvin?

Harold? Yeah, yeah, gotcha, in the corner.

Okay, we have a winner. You get paid off.

35 little chips out of my millions,

millions of chips that I have.

15, 15, we got a winner. Who's the winner?

It's me again.

12, 12 red.

Me.

Okay, okay, place your
bets, place your bets.

Irwin, what do you like this time, uh?

18 again.

Come on, come on. Here we are.

Irwin's a winner.

All right, no more bets, no more bets.

Wait a minute, Duddy, wait a minute.

No more bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

Hey, the dealer's getting nervous now.

Let's see it fall.

Come on.

Come on.

18.

Hey, hey, Duddy, are you gonna pay?

Come on.

Okay, how many for you?

This is your roulette
wheel, I found out.

You bastard.

Come on!

18.

That's it.

That's it. I'm all cleaned out.

Cuckoo, you better take care of this.

Duddy?

It's so nice to see
you lie still for once.

What?

You're always jumping and moving

and running and scratching.

Give him the $300 right now please.

Don't worry, nobody's gonna
know anything about this, Duddy.

They thought you might be
too proud to take the money.

Isn't that amusing?

Cheaters never prosper, you know.

Well, I hope this will,

hope this'll teach you
and Linda a good lesson.

Hope you both profit
from it in the future.

Uh uh uh.

Before you get it, one promise.

No more roulette.

Right.

But you don't understand.

No buts.

Give him the money.

I'll give him the money.

Here.

It's from all the guests together.

Listen, maybe I gave a
little more than Levitt,

but who's counting, uh?

I mean $20 is the same as five.

Spirit that counts.

I thought we were
going for a swim first.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Where's the lake?

It's over there.

Where?

Right there.

Oh for Christ sake.

Oh my God almighty.

It's beautiful.

Beautiful.

Son of a bitch.

Yvette, have you ever been
here before with anyone else?

Answer me!

You're jealous.

Just answer the question.

Have you been here before with anyone

like, from the hotel?

No.

Have you been here with anyone?

Of course, many times.

Oh, goddammit.

You don't understand.

I don't come here with men.

We used to come here to
swim when I was little.

Oh.

What's wrong, Duddy?

How far is it to the road?

About half a mile.

Hey, are you angry with me?

Yvette.

Yvette, you can't tell anyone
that we came here today.

Okay?

If you promise me that, I'll give you $50.

Where you going?

Yvette, what's wrong?

I don't like you anymore,

and I don't want your stinking money.

Oh, Yvette, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm very excited, that's all.

You don't understand.

Do you trust me?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

I wanna buy this lake.

You're not laughing.

No.

Sanagasett's getting crowded, right?

People are gonna want new places.

All this land is gonna be mine.

Over there, there's gonna be a hotel,

a children's camp, everything.

Right over there.

Right over there, I'm gonna
build a farm for my grandfather.

A man without land,

a man without land is nobody.

But we have to be very careful, Yvette.

If anybody else sees this land,

they're gonna get the same idea.

So we can't tell anybody about it.

I won't.

Hey, the farmers, they will not want

to sell to you because you're a Jew.

Hey, watch it. Watch it, eh?

You understand?

But you are a Jew, no?

Oh, shit, of course I am.

You can help me.

Me?

- I can put up the money.
- You can buy the land.

I'll cut you in for the profits.

Oh, Jesus, what did I do now?

Yvette?

Yvette, goddammit.

What I do?

Hey, Pop!

Let me see you.

Hey, Moe, smoked meat please.

So, so what don't you
write me any letters?

Aw, you know me. I'm
not much for letters.

Oh, when Lennie worked
as camp counselor,

you wrote to him every week.

- That's different.
- He's the sensitive type.

His nerves are shot, you know.
He's been studying too hard.

Uncle Benjy's gonna send him to Cape Cod

for a couple of weeks.

Oh yeah? That's nice.

How's Zeda?

Same. Still trying to make
things grow in that backyard.

He ask about me?

He sure did.

The old man's crazy about you.

I wonder what the hell
he sees in you, huh?

Hey. Gin.

Gin?

Oh you caught him
good too. Look at that.

All right, all right, let me count, uh.

Here, 10, 20, 38, here.

48.

48.

Hey, I'm out.

- Duddy, how are you?
- Hey, Lennie.

How you doing, man?

The athlete.

Where you going?

Tennis. Listen, listen.

Tennis.

Duddy, I forgot to get some money

from Uncle Benjy yesterday.

Can you lend me 10 bucks until tomorrow.

Yeah yeah, no problem, no problem.

I meant to get you a present, you know.

Yeah, sure.

I didn't have time, so.

How's 30 bucks?

Thanks, Duddy.

You're welcome.

What's the matter with the shirt

you had on yesterday?

Look at this goddamn laundry.

Lennie's playing tennis.

Lennie.

He's hanging out with
a whole new crowd now.

None of them are Jewish,
and they drink too much.

They're all college kids,
though, and they come

from good families, so what the hell?

Listen, Dad.

I want you, I want you to
take me to the Boy Wonder.

Come on, you always promise
you'd take me to him.

When you're ready.

Remember, I always say when you're ready.

Okay, well, I'm ready now, Daddy.

I have this deal I
wanna talk to him about.

Deal.

What do you think, the Boy Wonder waits

for pishers of 19 for deals?

Okay.

You don't wanna do it, I'll do it myself.

And embarrass me?

Why are you always afraid
that I'm gonna embarrass you?

Don't shout at me.

When I lose my temper, I.

I lose my temper.

I got you some sports
shirts up at Sanagassett.

It's a gift like.

Well, uh.

Give them to me tonight.

Sure thing.

You don't have to buy me presents.

I wanted to.

Anyway, it's for the farm.

I found some land.

Lie to an old man.

I'm serious, Zaide.

It's a whole lake. It's fantastic.

And the greenest field is
gonna be reserved for you.

And I'm going to night school,
Zaide, at the university.

Studying business administration.

Good, very good.

Well, if there are no more questions,

it only remains to me to thank our guest,

the distinguished and
internationally known

film director Peter John Friar,

for his illumating, illuminating,

illuminating lecture on Italian
Neorealism, What's Next?

Yeah.

Your talk was a pleasure, really.

It was really educational.

Jolly decent of you to say so.

I hope you like it here.

Montreal is the world's
largest inland seaport.

A burgeoning film center too.

That's why I'm here, old boy,

at the invitation of
your National Film Board.

They're mad keen that
I should work for them.

Oh really?

Yes, they saw a modest
little documentary

I made for an oil company.

Played the Edinburgh Festival.

It won an award later, in Venezuela.

Very prestigious, if I do say so myself.

Waiter.

Gee.

I feel really embarrassed now.

To bother such a big-time
operator like you with my plans.

Oh, you know.

How old are you?

I'm going on 20.

Irving Thalberg was what,
only 22 when he took over MGM.

No kidding.

Yeah.

Yes sirree, Bob.

No.

You wouldn't like it, my plans.

See,

they're what you'd call, commercial.

See, I've always thought
that there was a lot of money

to be made in, in movies of, uh,

of weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Yeah, what a splendid notion.

You really think so?

Have you any, have you any interest,

interested clients or?

Well, I have two
orders in hand. Yes I do.

And there's a long list of
weddings coming up, yes.

Oh, oh. Well, I might
just be interested.

You see, it just so happens that for years

I've been interested in
folklore and tribal customs.

Pardon me?

Well the record of a
wedding or a bar mitzvah

needn't necessarily be crassly commercial.

We could concentrate on the symbolism

inherent in the ceremony.

Well it would have to be in color.

That's a very, very big selling point.

Yes, there is just
one point I always make

to every producer before I start.

I demand a completely free hand.

I will tolerate absolutely no interference

with my artistic integrity.

Uh-huh.

Well, I don't know a camera
lens from a horse's ass.

So you can stop worrying.

But there is one thing, sir.

I think the important thing
about this kind of film

is not the symbolism but to work in

as many relatives and
friends as humanly possible.

That's exactly what I mean!

Wait a minute.

You wait a minute, Buster.

That's not my plan, actually.

Or Mr. Gilpriest.

He was my slave at Eton.

Proper little bastard.

No, no, I mean I should have followed

my brother into the foreign office.

Eton and Cambridge, no
good to me in Hollywood.

Couldn't speak Yiddish.

Uh.

Hm.

Oh, yeah, excuse me.

Okay, just sign the contract

right here.

It's no use, Kravitz,
I can't do this to you.

I'm a cardholder.

A Communist.

I fled the United States
one jump ahead of the FBI.

I'm on the Blacklist.

No kidding.

I must be, mustn't I?

Well so what?

Don't you see, Kravitz,
if you employ me,

it's likely you'll never be able

to work in Hollywood either.

Oh. Oh.

We're partners, Mr. Friar.

Huh?

Just sign.

Oh.

That's very white of you.

Hey, that Yvette, geez.

The wife of Bruce, she died.

May she rest in peace. So what?

So, he's going to live in
Nova Scotia with his son.

Great!

And I offered the notary
$40 an acre, half cash.

Uh, $3,200 down.

250 on deposit, I put.

How long do we have to make
the rest of the down payment?

Three weeks.

Oh.

Don't you have the money, Duddy?

You wrote to me you
had $3,000 in the bank.

You mustn't lie to me, Duddy.

Lie to you?

Yvette, when my father is sleeping,

I'm driving his cab, right?

I'm also selling soap and
toilet equipment to factories,

but with the movie
equipment and the office,

I got maybe $600 left.

And I happen to have a Scotch limp prick

of a Presbyterian in some
shiny suit for a bank manager.

I'm sorry.

All right, don't worry.

Don't worry.

We got three weeks.

We'll get the rest of the money.

Even if I have to kill somebody for it.

Hey, give me your hand.

Oh, do I got a bone on.

Get that truck outta here! Go!

All the productions
are gonna be in color.

A lasting record for your grandchildren,

their grandchildren after them.

Listen, listen, it's okay for Cohen.

His daughter's marrying into the Gordons,

and he can afford it, okay?

Oh, oh, so I bet
you're thinking it costs

maybe $3,000 to make a
movie like this, huh?

What are you crazy?

You see? But it wouldn't
cost you that much.

For you, I make a top-notch
movie for you, $2,000.

The boy's crazy.

And don't tell Cohen I
made you this deal, heh.

No, no. How many times I gotta tell ya?

Don't mix the steel with the aluminum.

No mix-ay pas, comprendez?

That's why I cough in it.

Look, Duddy, when I go to a
movie, I put down 90 cents,

I go in Loews, all right.

Now, look, my Bernie's a fine
kid, but Gary Cooper he's not.

Excuse me, I'm busy.

All right, no hard feelings.

I just thought that since your Bernie

was such good friends with the Siegel boy,

and since we're doing that
bar mitzvah in December.

Duddy, Duddy, I happen to know,

you're not making a
picture for Siegel, okay?

Are you calling me a liar?

I can't believe it. I can't believe.

I'm standing here...

Duddy, will you stop jumping around?

Boy, you're some kid.

Look, for starters, tell me, how do I know

that a kid like you who's
still wet behind.

Wet, hell, you're soaking behind the ears.

How do I know you know
how to make a movie?

Mr. Friar is a very
experienced director.

Yeah, yeah, he's a
regular Louie B. Mayer,

so if he's so terrific, tell me,

how come he's making bar
mitzvah pictures, with a boy?

When you're done with the front side,

do the same thing over there.

So, um, got a lotta money invested?

Oy vey.

It's a great idea. It's gonna work.

We'll see. We'll see.

Now tell me. Tell me straight.

How much is it really gonna cost?

About 900 to a thousand dollars.

Lies. You lie through your ears.

Let's say your cost is $600, all right,

so I'll tell you what,
you make the picture

from Bernie's bar
mitzvah, and if I like it

I'll give you a thousand dollars.

If not, you'll burn it.

I can give you a
black-and-white print for $1,200.

Let it be $1,200, but
color, and only if I like it.

You're such a liar, though.

Listen, Duddy, are you
going to see Siegel now?

I tell you what you do.

You tell him you're
making the picture for me,

and I'm giving you $2,000.

Let him call me.

But don't trust him. He's not like me.

Get $500 cash and the
rest in writing, huh?

You're such a liar.

I say, old boy, when is the
bar mitzvah actually, huh?

It's two weeks from Saturday.

We've got to hit them with something

unusual in the first frame.

Listen, listen, I think
the main thing is to get

a lotta shots of Old Man Farber.

Yes.

You see, I see a slow resolve
into the lad's racial memory.

Perhaps we should start with the pain

of the baby's circumcision.

You can't put a kid's
pecker in the picture.

There are gonna be women
and children there.

Shush.

Remember, no artistic interference.

Right now I see myself
waiting on tables again.

Goodbye.

How long do we have?

About 10 days.

Oh, Jesus.

Look, I'm gonna need you here,

as a secretary like.

What makes you think that
I'm going to stay in Montreal?

You'll stay. You'll stay.

But, Duddy, what about the money?

I'll get the money! Now
just, will you lay off please?

Hey.

You wanna do it on the floor?

You won't get any splinters.

Honest. What do you say?

So the Montreal
Royals, pennant and playoff

winners, await the outcome of
the St. Paul-Columbus finals

for the Little World Series.

Last night, Columbus
trounced St. Paul nine-three.

In the fifth game of the series.

Columbus leads best of seven three-two.

Tonight, it's St. Paul at Columbus.

You didn't get home till
four o'clock again last night.

Pissed again.

They were married last night

at the home of the bride's parents.

Do you know anything about
Lennie that I should know?

Nope.

Why?

Something funny going on.

Here's the
weather report for Montreal,

the Laurentians and the eastern townships.

It will be generally cooler in all areas.

There will be variable cloudiness

clearing this evening with light winds...

Hey, Dad? Do you ever think
about getting married again?

What?

I thought, I thought
you were lonely like.

No one will ever replace
your mother for me.

Don't you ever forget that.

Well I don't remember
her very well, you know.

I was only six when she.

You missed out on
plenty, brother, plenty.

Dora was some wife.

Did she like me?

Sure, why not?

Hey, I almost forgot.

The Boy Wonder will see
you tomorrow at 11:30.

Are you kidding me?

No, I'm not kidding you.

Hey, this means you think I'm ready now,

doesn't it, Daddy?

Don't embarrass me.

I'm not gonna embarrass you.

The Wonder's doing this
as a special favor for me.

You're gonna very
proud of me. Just watch.

I'll watch.

Hey, kid, what's your name?

Kravitz.

Kravitz, Kravitz, yeah.

You've made it, kid.

We're gonna start you
right here, as a busboy.

Wait a second, wait a second.

There must be some, uh, mistake.

Isn't Mr. Dingleman gonna see me?

Look, he's a very busy man.

- I'll try my best, Jerry.
- That's all I can do.

Hey.

Mr. Dingleman. I'm
Max's boy, Duddy Kravitz.

There must be some mistake.

I'm sorry, Mr. Dingleman.

I'm no schnook.

I don't need your help to get job

as a lousy busboy, you know.

Are you in the habit of barging

into people's places like this, sonny?

My father said we had an appointment.

I'd like you to look
at these, please, sir.

I think we could really help one another.

Some other time, sonny.

Well, sonny yourself, you big tub of...

Hey, hey, you son of a
bitch. Get your hands off me!

Look, you lousy liar.

Afraid I was gonna embarrass you, eh?

That intimate with the Boy Wonder shit!

He doesn't know you from
a hole in the ground.

Duddy, please, not here.

All those stories
ever since I was a kid,

how could you do this to me?

Do what?

You asked me to get you an appointment,

and I got you one, right?

I mean, what do you think
any schnook can walk in

off the street and see
the Wonder just like that?

Max. Max Kravitz, how are you?

Mr. Dingleman.

Hasn't changed much,
has it, Moe?

Hello, Duddy.

Moe, get.

Moe, quick get.

You want a root beer?

No. No, thanks.

Some coffee.

No no, no no.

Stop begging him, will ya?

You shut up. I'm your
father, and you shut up.

Mr. Dingleman and I are old friends.

Isn't that right, Mr. Dingleman?

Yeah, sure, you bet.

Look, Duddy, this is a hell of an idea.

I wanna talk to you about it.

You don't say?

Be polite. Talk nice.

Now look, I've gotta go to New York.

I'll get you a ticket. We'll
talk about it on the train.

What?

You heard what the man said.

I won't sit with you
on the train, Duddy.

As a matter of fact, from
the time we leave this place

till we get to New York, you
don't know me, you understand?

Good.

Now, here's $550.

Fifty's for expenses.

The 500, we'll call that a loan.

Now all you have to do

is take this bag with you to New York.

Understand?

Sure you do.

My name's Virgil.

Hi.

From Montreal?

Yeah.

I'm from Plattsburgh.

You going to New York?

Yeah.

Business, I'm an indie.

A what?

An independent motion picture producer.

Oh yeah, we're the biggest in Canada.

Here, I'll show you my card.

Really, that's wonderful. It really is.

I've always wanted to be in
the movie industry myself.

Oh.

Well, we're always
looking for new investors.

Too late.

I invested everything I
had in pinball machines.

Mm.

10 of them, $350 apiece.

Next thing I know, they get banned.

Now they're sitting in a warehouse.

Can you get them into Canada?

What would a movie producer
want with pinball machines?

Well, I like helping people.

I just might be interested.

Really?

Yeah.

Plattsburgh, Plattsburgh next.

Have you got anything to declare?

No.

No, sir.

This is where I get off.

Nice meeting you.

Hey.

You deliver them to me in Montreal,

I'll give you $150 for them, each.

So far so good.

Older than
the banks of the Nile.

Not so cruel as the
circumcision rite of the Zulus.

And even more intricate than a snowflake

is the bar mitzvah.

From generation to generation,

for years before the birth of Christ,

the rule of law has been
passed from hand to hand

among the chosen people.

Something priceless. Something cherished.

Like chinchilla.

One more crack outta
you, Arnie, and out you go.

This is a
story of one Hebrew babe

and how at the age of 13 he was at last

accepted as an adult member of his tribe.

This is the story of the bar mitzvah

of Bernard, son of Moses.

Lock the doors,
here comes the dirty part.

Through the
centuries, the eight-day-old.

Hebrew babe is welcomed
into the race with blood.

What's that?

Wait a minute, that's not
what I saw in the shul.

Zaide, Zaide, what's
the matter with you?

What's wrong?

What's wrong, Zaide? Where you going?

Zaide, wait a minute.

That afternoon,
in the good rabbi's study,

he's told something of the
tragic history of his race.

How reactionary dictators
from Nero to Hitler

persecuted them in order to
divert the working classes

from the true cause of their sorrows.

♪ God bless you and
protect your children ♪

♪ Until the end ♪

♪ Until the end ♪

A most edifying experience.

A work of art.

Yeah.

I would like to see it again.

See how nice you look?

What, what?

Costs plenty. Don't
worry, it's all paid for.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, Duddy.

Hey, hey, listen.

Tonight you order anything you
want. The sky is the limit.

Aw, Jesus, this stuff really makes

you wanna piss, doesn't it?

He'll never marry you.

I think, I think we had better order.

I'm getting very hungry.

The Hebrew never marries
outside his own race.

I'd marry you.

I'm mad keen for you.

Please, John, be nice.

He's very happy tonight.

Please.

Now what happened?

Here.

Read it yourself.

Dear Dad, I'll get in touch
with you as soon as I can,

but I'm not going back to medical school.

I'm sorry, please forgive me, Lennie.

Jesus.

You think he would have got in touch

with me, whatever it was.

I'm the father!

We gonna have a family quarrel now?

I haven't seen you in a long time.

You've changed.

You haven't.

He's in business for
himself now. An operator.

I heard.

Wait, he'll burn his fingers.

Has anybody tried to call
his friends or to find out...

Nobody knows from nothing.

Okay, okay.

Why don't you both go to bed, huh?

I'll look for him in the morning.

Don't worry, I'll find him.

Look who's in charge.

You know, it's easy for you to talk.

Maybe I never had a
lotta money to give him,

but he's my son.

He could be lying dead
in a ditch right now.

I never tried to take
him away from you, Max.

I was only trying to help.

I got feelings.

You'd be surprised.

He's impotent.

Ask your Zaide, he'd tell you.

What?

Your Uncle Benjy.

For all his loot, he can't
have kids of his own.

Now you know why Aunt Ida lived
in Florida all these years.

Kk.

I'm not going home. I'm
finished with medical school.

I'm gonna get a job.

Oh yeah?

Tell Daddy I'm okay.

And if Uncle Benjy doesn't
like it, he can go to hell.

Oh sure, sure. I'll take care of it.

I'll just tell Uncle
Benjy that all that money

you've taken from him over the years,

that's just to prove
how much you hate him.

Of course, Daddy is something else.

I'll just tell him that he
doesn't have to pimp anymore

so that he can buy you
gifts like Uncle Benjy.

So tell me, why can't
you go back to school?

- I've given my word.
- I'm sworn to silence.

What are you, a gentleman?

You think just because
I wasn't born in Westmount

I can't be a gentleman?

Uh-huh.

Well do you think just
because some of our people

made buckets in the black
market during the war

I still can't be a gentleman?

I get it, I get it,
you're an anti-Semite, eh?

Okay, I'm an anti-Semite.

I prefer the company of Gentiles.

Mm-hm. You don't mind
me standing here, I hope.

I mean, you're not afraid of getting

contaminated or anything?

No.

Good, good, because I
have a message for you.

Sandra says not to worry,
her father doesn't know

and her doctor isn't gonna tell him.

You went there?

What is it her father doesn't know, Len?

Can't say.

Oh that's right, I'm sorry.

I forgot, you're a gentleman.

Lay off, please!

You're a chicken. That's what you are.

You want me to tell you what you did?

You performed an abortion on the girl.

What is the matter with you, Leonard?

You are 22 years old.

Don't you know better than to go bareback?

I know you don't like him,

but Irwin Schubert's one of
the brightest people I know.

Ah.

See, he took me to
this party where I met

Sandra Calder and Andy Simpson.

Andy's father is J.P
Simpson, the JP. Simpson.

Mm, may his balls
float in sulfuric acid.

Sandra liked me.

No one in the crowd
cared that I was Jewish.

I told them, you know. I
wasn't trying to hide it.

How could you, with your pants down?

Thanks.

Anyway.

Andy was in bad shape.

It worried me, so I asked
Irwin what was wrong.

He told me.

He explained how I could help.

So it wasn't even you
that knocked her up?

Gentleman, eh? Shit.

You know what you are?

You are the number one sucker of all time.

You would look at things like that.

You have no code of honor, Duddy.

What's in it for me?
That's your philosophy.

I knew you'd never understand.

Katschkele.

Cutie.

Me and Frank Buck, we
bring them back alive.

He's okay, he's okay. He's
just been studying too hard.

Oh, Lennie.

Mr. Calder, this is about Sandra.

She doesn't have any cold.
She's been knocked up.

Sorry, sweetheart.

Are you the abortionist
or the blackmailer?

Me? Are you crazy.

I'm sorry.

I'm a respectable
businessman, motion pictures.

Don't you think he should have waited

until he got his degree before he started

performing illegal operations?

Okay, okay, okay.

But why should my brother be the fall guy?

Why should your daughter
and Andy Simpson get off

and my brother get expelled?

I think they should
all be thrown off campus.

Wow, your own daughter, eh?

I'm only trying to be fair.

Oh.

Oh, sure, sure you are.

Sandra gets expelled and she comes home

to this Yankee Stadium here,

and Andy Simpson goes
home and sits on his ass

until his father croaks,
and then he inherits

enough money to choke 10 horses.

And what happens to my brother?
He becomes a cab driver.

I'm sorry.

He's sorry. Jesus!

No disrespect meant.

Look, Lennie is not even
the one that knocked her up.

He never once touched her.

Is that how you people pay off favors?

Why didn't your brother
come here to see me himself?

Well, I, he's a very sensitive type.

He gets headaches. I don't know.

Tell me,

how does a boy like you get into films?

I'm interested.

Oh, a little more in the
corner and I would've had it.

That's game ball.

If I sink this, it'll be
three straight games, Kravitz.

Great shot!

Well,

you can tell Lennie he's lucky
to have a brother like you.

You'd be surprised some of things

I've done in my time, Mr. Calder.

I wouldn't.

Listen, I would, I would really like

to show you my appreciation.

I'd like to, uh, I'd
like to send you a gift.

I can get my hands on
some really good linen.

That won't be necessary, Kravitz.

Why don't you come and see me again?

Call me. We can play snooker together.

Sure.

Yeah, yeah, sure, can do.

Course, I can't play you
for money, Mr. Calder.

You're way outta my league.

I see what you mean.

Okay, I'm here. What's the deal?

Mr. Ketter's ready to sell.

The sister in the asylum died.

Hi.

How much down?

He wants $50 an acre, 2,500 down.

Uh.

Okay, try to knock it down to 65 hundred,

and tell them that we'll
give him the whole works

in cash if he'll take 60.

Do you have the 2,500?

It's old school, sir.

Excuse me.

Oh, Kravitz. Come for your pound of flesh?

I am surprised at you, Mr. Friar.

Don't you remember we have
a bar mitzvah tomorrow?

I never held up a production in my life.

Apologize.

Why don't we just go, huh?

Excuse me.

I sold my soul to a Hebrew. Shame on me.

Shame on me.

Listen to me, you
Venezuelan prize winner

of a horse's ass.

I want you to make me some of
those funny montages, okay?

Anything, just be in shape for that

filming tomorrow, you hear me?

If I was Eisenstein, he
wouldn't talk to me like that.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Did you pay the rent?

With my own salary.

I'll pay you back, I swear to God.

And the phone?

Yeah.

Then answer the fuckin' door, please.

Hey, long time no see.

Yeah.

Everything's okay.

Bringing them over the
border was a breeze.

It was, huh?

Yeah.

You're not happy to see me.

Sure I am!

We've just opened a pinball
business in Sanagasett.

Good to see you, buddy.

Hold it, hold
it, hold it, hold it.

All right, come on, come on.

Shit, Shit, Shit!

All right, in the
breast pocket of this jacket,

there are some pills that
my brother Lennie gave me.

Give me a couple.

No, in the breast pocket.

You won't be happy
until you kill yourself.

Look, just give me the pills.

Night, Virgil.

Wait a second. There's
something I wanna tell you.

I'm an epileptic.

Go away, Virgil.

I can't help it. That's
the way I was born!

Are you really an epileptic?

Yeah.

Of all the world's ranking crap artists,

how do they find me?

Virgil, what happens if you, uh.

Have a fit?

Yeah.

- Oh don't worry, Mr. Kravitz.
- I don't make much noise.

Oh you don't?

Always a silver lining, uh?

You know, Mr. Kravitz,

life is no bowl of
cherries for a guy like me.

You don't say?

I mean, would you take a chance on me

as a waiter, or a driver?

How would you like to
kiss my royal Canadian?

Yeah, you see?

We're a persecuted minority,

just like the Negroes or the Jews.

Only the Negroes, they have
the NAACP to fight for them.

And you Jews, you got B'nai
Brith to fight for you.

I know, I know.

We got nobody. We're all alone.

It's a shame, Virgil.

It's really a shame.

I mean, even the queers
are getting organized now.

Yeah?

Oh.

No offense.

What do you mean no offense?

You did ask for a double room.

Virgil, just don't get any stupid ideas.

Okay.

Some of the greatest men in
the world were epileptics.

No kidding.

Julius Caesar.

Yeah?

Jesus Christ. Dostoevsky.

Charlie Chaplin.

Charlie Chaplin is a Jew.

A guy can be both, you know.

Oh.

My life's ambition, Mr. Kravitz,

is to organize all the
epileptics of the world.

I'd like to be their Sister Kinney.

That's what I'm gonna do
with the thousand dollars

I get from you.

That's really gonna
be something, Virgil.

Really.

Good night.

Okay.

I like you, Mr. Kravitz.

Do you like me?

Sure I do, Virgil.

Why?

Couldn't I tell you in the morning?

Okay.

You and I are gonna be buddies.

Real buddies.

I could tell.

Good night.

Good night.

Fantastic machine, eh?

You know how long I can get
for receiving stolen goods?

Come on, I own this machine.

I got a receipt here,
everything. What do you think?

Now listen, I brought Mr.
Roseboro all the way up

from New York because
I want him to service

and install them for you.

He's an expert.

That's a falsehood.

Mr. Roseboro, you
wanna wait outside please?

Some kid I got here, huh?

Got himself an apartment
now, a shikse to go with.

I hope you get the clap.

That'll teach you a lesson.

Hey, I oughta have an account
here, Moe, what do you say?

Huh, mark it down?

The day hasn't come yet,
kid, when you get credit here.

I wouldn't tip him.

Virgil.

Virgil, how'd you like to
stay here and go to work for me?

Duddy, that's wonderful.

You mean you'd give a
guy like me a job, knowing,

well you know?

Well you know I started
that film distribution

thing up in Sanagasett.

I'm gonna need a guy I can
trust who can take the film

around to all the hotels
and run the whole show.

Mr. Kravitz, you'll never regret this.

I'll work so hard for you.

- Just one thing, Virgil.
- I need a guy with a truck.

Come on.

What's the matter with you two?

Look, I owe you a thousand
dollars, right? Right.

Duddy.

What would you say, if
for that thousand dollars

I could lay my hands on just
the right truck for you?

Could you, Mr. Kravitz?

Broads.

I can pay you $60 a week.

I gotta keep the truck in
the company name, though.

It'd be a genuine honor, Mr. Kravitz.

A job.

Oh, my.

Yeah, but what happen if he has a fit

while he's driving the truck?

He pulls over to the curb, that's what.

Pulls over to the curb.

Listen, Duddy, I know that the truck

is not costing you more than $600.

Shush.

I know it.

I want you to give Virgil
the rest of the money back.

Come on.

I warn you if you don't do that

I'm going back to Sanagasett.

I'm going back to Sanagasett.

Hey!

I know what I got so we won't pretend.

Foolish talk, I don't need.

I've got lots of money.

I know.

If you'll give up those
vulgar movies you're making

and take over the
factory, you can have 50%.

The rest is for my wife.

I have other ambitions.

Why do you hate me so much?

Think it's funny?

Everything about me is funny.

I'm a regular laughingstock.

You know, as a kid, whenever
you came to the house,

you always had a surprise for Lennie.

I coulda been born dead for all you cared.

It was always for Zaide
to bring you surprises.

He would never hear a bad
word said against you.

Why, did you try?

Such Chutzpah. Duddy,
what will become of you?

Well,

I won't become a doctor, that's for sure.

Now why did you say that?

Because Lennie never
wanted to become a doctor.

You forced him.

I did my best for that boy.

If I left it to your
father to bring him up,

he would be driving a taxi today.

I don't like the way
you talk about my father.

Excuse me, my brother Max.

He's not so very bright.

No, you're the bright
one, that's right. I forgot.

Congratulations.

Why didn't you ever have time for me?

Because you're a born pusher, kid,

a little Jew boy on the make

and guys like you make
me feel sick and ashamed.

Oh, you lousy intelligent people.

You liars.

Your, your books and your, your socialism

and your sneers, you give
me one long pain in the ass.

You know that?

You think I never read a book?
I've read books, big deal.

They always make fun of guys like me.

Pushers, guys who wanna get somewhere.

If you're so concerned,
how come in real life

you never ever had time for me, eh?

You think I should be running after

something else besides, money?

Good, you tell me what, you bastard!

I'm gonna have a place of my own one day,

and when I do, there aren't
gonna be any superior shits

to laugh at me or run me off.

Such a nervy kid.

My God, Doodle, take my advice.

I don't want your advice.

You don't want anything from me, eh?

Hm.

Come to think of it, you're
the only one in the family

who never came here to ask for something.

There were plenty of
times when I needed help.

But I wasn't gonna come.

Not to you.

You're hurting me, you know that?

I'm sorry.

The doctor.

Will you come another time?

Sure.

I wish I'd made more
time for you, Doodle.

God help me, but I wish I'd
seen what your grandfather saw.

You don't let him die! That's my uncle.

I want six sesame, very
hot, from up there, please.

Thank you.

Bitch.

You know what I'm gonna do,
Virgil? I'm gonna fire her.

But how you gonna fire her?

I mean, she quit over two weeks ago.

How much is this?

10 cents please.

What is that? You wanna tell
me what that book is please?

It's a rhyming dictionary,
Mr. Kravitz. I'm a poet.

He's a poet.

Everybody's a poet.

Oh, ho ho, oh!

Dagwood, you broke that light again.

How's Yvette?

Come on. I know you see her every night.

Listen, tell her that I drink
a lot. I look terrible, okay?

Tell her that my Uncle
Benjy is dying of cancer.

Okay?

Okay, Mr. Kravitz.

Listen, listen.

Dubrowski made a mistake about the amount

of money for the truck, it was only $750.

So here's a check for
$250. That's for you.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Kravitz.

And I'm raising your
salary to 75 a week.

You tell her that, okay?

Sure, thanks, Mr. Kravitz.

Keep it down. Keep it down.

Kiss this, will ya? Jesus Christ.

We're going to
Sanagasett this afternoon.

I got the money for two more lots.

I own nearly half of it now.

Only nine months it took me.

Huh? What do you think of
your Duddy Kravitz now?

Prepare yourself for a shock.

What is it? What happened?

Friar has just gone off for good.

So what? Big deal.

He has taken the camera this time.

Oh so what? We're insured.

Oh, geez, we got the Herschelman wedding

in two weeks, don't we?

Hm.

He told me that he left

because he was in love with me

and he wanted to marry me.

Are you kidding?

He was my friend. I liked him.

What has that got to do with it?

Are you crazy? He
wasn't in love with you.

Oh no.

Listen, I wouldn't be surprised

if I did get married one of these days.

Hey, look, it floats.

Hey, it's cute.

Hello.

Is this Mr. Roseboro's house?

Yes.

This is the police speaking.

He says that Virgil
will never walk again.

His spine was smashed.

The nerves are torn, and the
spinal fluid is not moving.

And he lost all sense of
feeling under the hips.

And he will not even be able
to control his bowels anymore,

and he will not even
know when he's urinating.

I want you to know all the details.

You're not going to get off easy.

Would you like to marry me?

Are you beginning to worry that all

the property deeds are in my name?

Once the insurance company
establishes that he was

an epileptic, you won't collect a cent.

Furthermore, he could sue you
for everything you've got.

He's my friend, Buck.

Get him to sign a release then.

I'll draw up a letter for you.

You hired me to protect
you. That's what I'm doing.

But he asks about you every day.

He thinks that you are angry at him

for smashing up your truck

and that's why you won't
go to the hospital.

All right, all right!

Let's not waste time anymore then.

Here's a box of matches.

You poke them under my
fingernails one at a time

and you light them, all right, go ahead!

I will ask the notary

to transfer the deeds
to your father's name

until you come of age.

You think the business is
gonna fall apart without you?

I never said that.

You know what?

I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna get a really good secretary now.

Somebody who can spell.

Some girl who's really pretty.

Yeah, I'm gonna have a good time now!

Uncle Benjy was waiting by the window

for you day after day.

I came whenever I could, Zaide.

I was talking to Doodle.

He left this for you.

It's for you.

Where is Mother's grave?

There's only one thing you
can do. Declare bankruptcy.

Here it comes. St. Urban's
nine-day wonder.

Finished with the cab?

Yeah.

There you are, Partner.

Why don't you see the Boy Wonder?

Maybe he can put something your way.

When?

Shinora's Day?

The Corleo Steam Bath.

Doodle?

Doodle, is that you?

Big deal, there's a
law about driving a cab?

No, but look. Look how you look.

Not easy to make a living, Duddy.

What do you think, I never had trouble?

You think you run a scrapyard
25 years next September

without accidents, without lawsuits,

payoffs under the table, lies?

It's either that or you go under.

So make up your mind, my friend.

You don't build beautiful houses
and send your wife to Miami

in the winter from driving a taxi.

Ah.

Hey, listen, Duddy.

One time a.

A guy got killed on my yard.

A broken crane.

Ah.

They said it was my fault.

Negligence.

I almost went in jail.

Yeah.

I came this close.

But, I had a partner, he
wasn't as smart as me.

So, he went instead.

But let me tell you something.

My Bernie will never have to
cheat a partner into jail.

But, on the other hand,

he never landed in this country
with three words of English

and 50 cents in his pocket either, so,

so there you are.

He's crippled for life, my friend.

It's not your fault, goddammit, Duddy.

Ah, I never knew you were
such a softie. Listen.

It's war, Duddy. War.

And the white man has all the big guns.

It was dangerous for him
to be driving that truck,

and it was my
responsibility that he was...

Oh, oh, you wanna be a saint?

Well then go to Israel and plant oranges

in a kibbutz, my young Kravitz.

You know my attitude toward my
oldest and dearest customer?

Kk.

Hm. A plague on him, that's my motto.

And the more money I make,

the better I can take care of my own.

You try it sometime, you
talk to the white man

when you're in trouble, you'll find out.

He'll throw you in the oven
along with six million others.

Hey, wait, wait a minute.

Hey, come on. Virgil's not a Nazi.

Yeah.

And how are
things at the office?

Oh.

Not that I care, but how
is the new girl making out?

Can't complain.

Shit!

Why didn't you bring some flowers?

Aw, no flowers. I don't do.

It's good to see you
again. You're my buddy.

Time for dinner, Virgil.

Excuse me.

Well I guess I better be going, huh?

Yvette, can he at least stay for dinner?

If he wants to.

You must be very proud of yourself.

You've really.

You've really worked miracles with him.

Please.

I'm just very proud of you, that's all.

Well, it's getting late.

Why don't you come out with it

and just ask if you can stay?

Yeah.

You only need $4,500 and
the whole lake is yours.

The notary has given us two weeks

before he puts it up public for sale.

And the clause...

I'm not interested.

If, if you really mean
that, Duddy, I'm glad.

Oh, please, don't start it all over again.

Please, I couldn't stand it.

We don't need it to be rich, you know.

You can do anything you want.

Hey, Duddy.

Yes?

Your friend Mr. Dingleman's in trouble.

What else is new?

He's being investigated
by the Code Commission.

What for?

Smuggling drugs, heroin.

Okay, I'm here.

And you know why.

Certainly.

You heard I was in trouble,
and you owe me 500...

No, no such luck.

No, I need $4,500.

Aren't you
afraid a gangster like me

might just, uh, take you for a ride?

You must think I'm kidding.

Don't you know that I could
go to the Code Commission?

I could test...

What, that you carried the
suitcase across the border?

I hope they put you away for life.

Maybe they will.

You know, when I was a kid,

I used to think you were some guy.

Wait a minute.

You know, I am interested in real estate.

Now if you're broke and there's something

you wanna part with.

Hanging's too good for you, Dingleman.

Duddy, do you
know who's after the land?

Who?

Dingleman.

All right, what do
you mean after the land?

He's got all the money in the world.

Why doesn't he just buy it?

One of the farmers, he uh.

He uh.

He hate Jews.

And, he would like much
more to sell it to me.

Another anti-Semite. God bless him!

Sh!

Listen, listen, I want
you to tell that dumb

pea soup farmer that
Dingleman is the biggest,

fattest, dirtiest goddamn
Jew that ever lived.

And if he ever gets his hand on that land

he's gonna be a synagogue on it.

It's a whole lake,
Daddy! A whole bloody lake!

Ah, your last brain
wave ended in bankruptcy.

Listen, it'll be owned by
all of us. Don't you see?

We're all gonna be rich.
You're gonna be able to retire.

What's under the lake, oil?

Shit!

Talk to him, Duddy. Don't get impatient.

He's not gonna help me!

In a million years, the
man is not gonna help me!

Would you help a boy who
talks to his father like that?

Strike.

Now look, put it this way, Daddy.

Dingleman, okay, Dingleman
is fighting me for this land.

You're competing with the Boy Wonder?

Yeah. Now you get the picture?

Oh, I smell burning fingers!

Oh yeah? Well maybe his, not mine.

Come on, Daddy!

Now look, I worked hard for my money.

I got my old age to think of.

He's never asked you for
anything before, Daddy.

What is this?

Look, they're ganging up on me.

Oh, geez!

Oh geez!

If I don't lend you the money,

suddenly I'm a son of a bitch.

Me, who sat up for you for three nights

when you had the mumps.

At great personal risk because,
you know, I never had them.

I missed out on the Lux Radio Theater.

And the last game of the World Series.

And you know who was pitching? Ruffing.

Ruffing? Oh.

Ruffing. Yeah, Ruffing.

Listen, some fathers
wouldn't even go around...

If not for Duddy, I
would've been expelled.

I don't give rewards for that.

We're family. We stick together.

Like the Rockefellers,
in our own small way.

Jesus!

H Christ!

If I was John D. Rockefeller,

would he talk to me like that?

He's nervous, Daddy.

- This is driving me crazy!
- I am going for a walk!

Wait a minute. Just
wait a minute, Duddy.

Daddy, Daddy, how much
money can you give him?

Give him?

I give him nothing.

I'll lend him.

I'll lend him a, a thousand dollars.

You're kidding me?

Yeah, and I got a feeling
I'm kissing it goodbye too.

See it? There it goes.

You see it? Right in the gutter.

Right in the goddamn gutter!

Oh sure, now he loves me, huh?

Now he loves me.

Boy, I wish I had some
of your talent, Virgil.

- You wanna read that?
- It's my latest poem.

Could I?

Yeah.

Thank you. That's really nice.

Hey, by the way, where did you and Yvette

get all the money for the
hospital bills, you know?

Virgil? Oh come on, I
thought we were buddies.

Well my grandfather left me some.

Your grandfather.

Do you wanna know what you oughta do

with some of that money, Virgil?

You oughta invest it in real estate.

I can't lend you any money, Duddy.

Virgil, it's a very good...

I promised Yvette. I can't.

You promised Yvette, huh?

Lousy pork-eating Florence
Nightingale. Where is she?

I'm disappointed.

I never thought you'd ask me for money.

No I guess not.

I mean I was supposed to be play snooker

with you for about 18 years.

Well I don't have the time, Hugh.

Or the background, or the polish.

But you know what, Hugh?

If I hustle, if I really, really hustle,

my son is gonna have it all.

I mean, how long did it take your family

to go from the slums of
Glasgow to all of this?

I bet his fingernails aren't
as clean as yours, Hugh.

So up yours. Thanks for the booze.

Hi.

Duddy, what's going on?

I sold the books and
some of the furniture.

What!

Listen, my little kachka,
I am not a British lord,

and this is not my ancestral home,

and if my precious uncle had
set things up so that I could

take a mortgage on this place

I wouldn't be in a spot like this.

It's all in trust.

Isn't there any amount that we...

Honestly, Duddy, I don't
get a penny until I graduate.

Oh, that's it. I'm finished.

Yvette?

Virgil?

Hello, Operator.

I'd like the number to
the Viking Montreal.

That's all right, Operator,
I've got it. Thank you.

Hello. Hello, this is Virgil Roseboro.

I'd like to get a check certified,

and are you aware of my condition?

Yes, that's right.

I'd like to send Mr. Kravitz
down for certification.

Yes.

All right. Thank you.

Thank you very much, bye.

Hello.

Yes, this is Mr. Roseboro.
Mr. Kravitz just left.

All right, thank you very much. Bye.

Duddy?

Duddy, we're home.

How are you?

What's the matter?

Why couldn't you have come home earlier?

Where the hell were
you an hour ago anyway?

Oh, Christ almighty.

Hey, it's Indian territory.

Duddy, it's a wilderness.

Yeah, sure, a wilderness,
and you remember it.

You goddamn remember it.

Because there's gonna be a
whole town going up around here.

Hey, Pop.

Huh?

Kravitzville.

Kravitzville.

Kravitzville.

I Dream when you're feeling poor ♪

Oh God.

♪ Dream, who's that on our land? ♪

Jerry. Jerry!

Hey, aren't you in jail yet?

Jerry, I want you to meet my boy Lennie.

Now Lennie's gonna be a doctor.

That's great, kid.

Hello, Duddy.

Hey, I came here to congratulate you.

Hey, this is a fine property
your boy has here, Max.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Now listen, kid, you're
gonna need a lotta money

to develop this land.

Yeah, yeah, a million. Maybe more.

Hey, Zaide, where are you going?

Zaide?

I don't feel well. I'm
gonna sit in the car.

But you haven't picked
out your farm yet, Zaide.

Listen to me, Duddy.

Duddy, listen.

All right, he's listening.

You can't raise the money
for development. I can.

That's funny.

Last time I spoke to you,
you couldn't raise $4,000.

Remember, sonny?

We could be partners.

Hey.

Hey, now just think, uh?

My boy and Jerry Dingleman, partners, uh?

Hey, Dingleman, come over here.

Come here.

Come here.

Dingleman,

get off my land.

Beat it.

Beat it.

- All right, kid, just remember.
- You'll never do it alone.

Hey, Dingleman.

I'm gonna give you five minutes
to get the hell off my land.

I'm king of the castle
around here, Dingleman.

Forget it, Mickey. Come on.

Jerry, he don't
know what he's doing.

Hey, remember how you were
when you were a kid, uh?

- Hey, hey, wait a second.
- Wait a second, wait a second!

Hey, Dingleman. Dingleman.

On my land, Dingleman,
there ain't gonna be any

dope smugglers, and there
ain't gonna be any cripples,

except on Schnorrer's
Day, Dingleman.

Hey, hey, Pop, don't you see?

Don't you see? This is a goldmine.

Lennie, he came all this
way just to beg for an in!

Hey! Hey, Dingleman!

Dingleman, run faster, you bastard!

Come on, run!

I don't want a lot here.

Why not?

The girl came to see me last week.

Uh, you weren't gonna wait

until you could hear my side of the story?

I can see what you had
planned for me, Doodle.

You're gonna be good to
me and that'll settle

your conscience when you
go out to swindle others.

The boy's fits are getting worse.

- I didn't give him epilepsy.
- What do you want me to do?

You want me to marry a shikse?

Don't twist. Not with me.

You don't twist either.

You don't want a farm.

You wanna die in that
stinking sweatshop, don't you?

A man without land is nothing.
That's what you taught me.

Well, I'm a somebody.

I'm a real somebody now.

I don't want Virgil to see you.

If he see you, he might have another fit.

I oughta ring your goddamn neck.

What the hell did you talk
to my grandfather for, huh?

Of all the people in the
world, he's the one person

I never wanted to hurt.

That's exactly why I went.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Please go.

Yvette.

I did it for all of us.

Do you really think I
liked forging that check?

You really think I'm a thief?

Look, I had to act quickly.

What I did, okay, what I
did was, it was unorthodox,

but I'm gonna pay him back.

I swear to God I'm gonna
pay him back every cent.

He don't want your money.

And all I want is to be left alone.

Will you listen?

I'm building a town, a whole town,

where there was only
bugs and bullshit before.

I'm creating jobs.

I'm a public goddamn benefactor.

Duddy,

I don't want to see you

ever again.

I gotta do everything
myself. I can't trust anybody.

I suppose we betrayed you.

Yes you did.

Yvette.

Yvette, goddammit! Will you listen?

That'll be a dollar and a quarter.

Uh, mark it down.

Sure, Duddy.

You see that, Daddy?

You see that?

Yeah.

Listen, even as a
kid, long before he begun

to make his mark, my
boy was a troublemaker.

He was born on the
wrong side of the tracks

with a rusty spoon in
his mouth, so to speak.

And a spark of rebellion in him.

A motherless boy, but one
who thrived on adversity.

Like Maxim Gorky or Eddie Cantor,

if you're familiar with the histories.

Ah, from the time of his birth,

you knew he was slated
for fame and fortune.

A comer, my Duddy.

But only a St. Urban
Street boy, huh? So what?

Listen, where did Napoleon
come from? Corsica.

And whoever heard of that
little dry fart of an island

before the Little Corporal made his rep?

Okay, so listen, Duddy's got a big mouth.

And he did bad at school.

Well, you know what I say to that?

So did Winston Churchill if
you read up on his life story.

And he didn't exactly wind up at zero.

Now mind you, he had advantages.

He was well born.

He wasn't Jewish, and he
didn't have to contend

with a lot of anti-Semites.

Or an old man who did
nothing but drive a taxi.

Yeah, so what?

Listen, I brought my Duddy up right.

When he was only 13, he didn't know

you could do anything but pee with it.

I bought him a set of barbells.

You know, for weightlifting.

Son, I said, the world is
full of shits. Exercise.

And you know what else?