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1
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:09,508
Hello, my name is Sean Anders.
Screenwriter and director of Sex Drive.
2
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,221
Hi, John. l didn't see you there.
3
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:19,143
-This is John Morris.
-Screenwriter and producer of Sex Drive.
4
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,021
-Welcome to the unrated...
-Uncircumcised...
5
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:23,397
...edition of...
6
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,357
-...Sex Drive.
-Sex Drive.
7
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,943
How many times has this happened to you?
8
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:32,364
You purchase an unrated DVD to view
with your friends. Only with your friends...
9
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:36,535
Only to find that you got the same
old movie with a few extra curse words,
10
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,912
and maybe an additional tit or two.
11
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,040
-What a jip.
-And how...
12
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,458
Not this time.
13
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:46,712
That's right, John.
On this unrated DVD we promise you,
14
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,130
the viewer,
15
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:53,135
a genuinely wacky, zany
and unrated viewing experience.
16
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:56,096
-We promise...
-Plus, we promise more tits.
17
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,474
Bare tits like these.
18
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,019
These tits are good.
19
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,981
Plus, more cock, like this.
20
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:09,026
That's good cock, John.
21
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:13,739
That's right, John, and that's not all,
we promise lots of additional scenes,
22
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:18,160
takes and other bullshit
that will make the movie way too long.
23
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,996
And this means a lower standard
of filmmaking for you,
24
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,081
-the viewer.
-The viewer.
25
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:26,835
So, if you've never seen Sex Drive before,
please, for real,
26
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,379
do not watch this version first.
27
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:33,175
Watch the real theatrical version
and then come back and watch this one.
28
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,343
Why?
29
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:39,014
Yes, because this version
of the movie is going to suck.
30
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:50,067
Sorry, but l couldn't help but notice you.
l have this exact same tribal tattoo.
31
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,111
Mine's one my... lt's on my back.
32
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:55,948
But actually l have a town car outside
if you wanna go see...
33
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,658
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
34
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,290
ANDERS: All right.
Why don't you do one more?
35
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:29,064
lAN: We open up against Michigan
in two weeks.
36
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,901
Coach's got me hitting the bench
pretty hard.
37
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:41,243
Shit. How much is a lot?
38
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,080
One... No, two.
39
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:52,921
l'm putting up three hundy.
40
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,849
Well, let's see, Tasty.
41
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,312
(EXHALES)
42
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,272
Wow!
43
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:12,774
Um...
44
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,738
Wow, you're really pretty. l've never seen...
45
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,281
No, stop it, stop it.
46
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:23,118
Don't be so fucking desperate.
Come on, be a dick. Be cool.
47
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,789
MAN IMITATING VAN DAMME: Don't be
a pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank.
48
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,419
Yeah.
49
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:33,754
Not bad.
50
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,340
l've seen better.
51
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,305
Yeah, whatever.
52
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:48,977
Coach's got us running two-a-days,
so l gotta bounce.
53
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,747
(BLANKET RUSTLES)
54
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,921
Miss Tasty? How did you get here?
55
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:18,131
Shh !
56
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:21,927
(GASPlNG)
57
00:04:50,873 --> 00:04:52,416
(GROANlNG)
58
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,736
(EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST)
59
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,904
(SNORlNG)
60
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,297
lan, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20,
61
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,424
so if you want a ride to work
you better get your poop in a group.
62
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,634
-Okay, l'll be right down.
-No. Now, Clay Aiken.
63
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,678
-All right.
- No, now, homo.
64
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,805
-Just give me a minute.
-No, no, no, no. Now, sissy.
65
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,641
-Just...
-No, now, chode-stroker.
66
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:54,311
Now, ball bag.
67
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,235
Hey...
68
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,696
-Ow! Cut it out.
-Hurts, doesn't it?
69
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,948
Shut up! l'm trying to sleep.
70
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:11,161
Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep.
You're golden.
71
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,955
-You, get your ass up.
-Give me a minute.
72
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,707
What're you doing under there, huh?
73
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:19,252
What're you doing?
You're firing off your skin pistol?
74
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,296
Come on, get up. What are you hiding?
75
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,382
You got a big fattie under there, don't you?
76
00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:27,677
Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too.
What the F?
77
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:32,391
Your little brother's sleeping
not ten feet away. Jesus Christ!
78
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,142
Good. My boys are all here.
79
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,186
-Dad, lan's free...
-Can it, Rex.
80
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,689
Your pop's got a bombshell to drop,
so ears open.
81
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:42,734
Last night,
your old man popped the question.
82
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:43,860
(LAUGHS)
83
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,570
Show them, Karen.
84
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,947
(EXCLAlMlNG)
85
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,991
l'm so happy.
86
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,788
Hey, way to go!
87
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:58,333
lan, you wanna get off your duff
and come over here and give Karen a hug?
88
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,418
Um...
89
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:04,673
-Yeah, lan, come on. You're being rude.
-Can we do that later?
90
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:08,218
-Damn it, lan, get up...
-No, no, honey. lt's okay.
91
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:13,181
We have to give him time
to get used to the idea.
92
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,560
lAN'S DAD: Karen?
REX: Are you okay?
93
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,687
lAN'S DAD: Karen? Karen, honey?
REX: You okay?
94
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,771
Sweetheart?
95
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,190
What smells like jizz?
96
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,942
(LET'S GET IT UP PLAYlNG ON CAR RADlO)
97
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,528
(HONKlNG)
98
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,198
Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo!
99
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,534
(ENGlNE REVVlNG)
100
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,125
(LAUGHS)
101
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:43,503
Come on, get in. Get in !
102
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,135
(GRUNTS)
103
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:51,219
(REX LAUGHlNG)
104
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,096
REX: You suck!
105
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:58,268
Okay, seriously.
Quit being such a fag and get in.
106
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:05,775
(SINGING) Never go down
So let's get it up
107
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,194
(SlNGlNG ALONG)
108
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,070
(COUGHS)
109
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:13,533
lan, l'm gonna ask you a question,
and l want a straight answer.
110
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,785
-You queer?
-What?
111
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,330
-God damn it! l knew it!
-l didn't say anything.
112
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,665
Exactly. lf someone asks you
if you're a pole smoker,
113
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,169
you just deny it, straight off.
No pause, no farting around.
114
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,670
Rex, l'm not gay.
115
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,714
-Dad thinks you're gay.
-What?
116
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,926
-You're breaking the old man's heart.
-No, l'm not. l told him l'm not.
117
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:34,137
lan, you're 1 8,
and you've never had a girlfriend.
118
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,890
That's how people wind up getting gay,
you know.
119
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:38,934
l don't think that's really how it happens.
120
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,394
ls that not how it happens?
So tell me how it happens, expert.
121
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,897
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.
122
00:08:43,981 --> 00:08:45,982
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?
123
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:49,152
-That's gross.
-You like them both, don't you?
124
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:53,740
lt's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want
the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock,
125
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:57,202
and Wednesdays and Thursdays
you're on to the balls.
126
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,496
-l don't know why you're talking about it.
-You can't choose, can you?
127
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,457
That's a tough one.
You love it and you're obsessed with it.
128
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,960
No, you are. You keep talking about it.
129
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,795
Why're you smiling at me? l'm serious.
130
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,798
Don't fucking smile at me. You know
l'll knock you out of this goddamn earth.
131
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,716
What does it taste like?
132
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,177
Like, right when you take your mouth off
and it's like kind of
133
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:17,472
like you can almost see your reflection
in that fucking cock.
134
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,724
Smack you in the face with it a little bit.
135
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,893
-You don't like that?
-l don't eat...
136
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:28,900
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff,
hot vascular mushroom head.
137
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,151
Yeah, yeah.
138
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,487
Look, every guy's got a fantasy
about another guy,
139
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:36,283
but you got to bury that shit way down.
This is America, God damn it.
140
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:40,370
There is...
There is a girl that l've been kind of...
141
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:43,331
All right, l'm listening.
Where'd you meet her?
142
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,000
On the... Online.
143
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,585
(TlRES SQUEALlNG)
144
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:50,171
What? For fuck's sake, lan,
don't you watch Dateline?
145
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:54,593
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude
who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
146
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:58,263
But you'd love that, wouldn't you?
'Cause you're a homo.
147
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,489
Hey, lan. Try not to come home any gayer
than you are now.
148
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,866
(LAUGHlNG)
149
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:21,786
Seriously, though. You're a fag.
150
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,914
Hey, don't look at me like that.
l'll punch you in the goddamn throat.
151
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,629
(GOT YOU PLAYlNG)
152
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:38,053
(SINGING) Hey
153
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:42,140
What's your favorite song?
154
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:45,060
Maybe we could hum along
155
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:52,609
Well, I think you're smart,
you sweet thing
156
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:58,531
Tell me your name,
I'm dying here
157
00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:07,582
Got you where I want you
158
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,251
Yeah
159
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,467
(SlGHS)
160
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:24,599
-Hey, Becca. How are you?
-l'm good. l'm fine. Whatever.
161
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,812
(CHUCKLlNG) Hey, Becca.
Looks like you had a long, nasty night.
162
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:32,691
-Ron and lan want the four-one-uno.
-Whatever. You guys are gross.
163
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:37,362
-l'm not gross. l didn't say anything.
-Okay, who's going on coupon rounds?
164
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:43,243
-No, Becca, l did it yesterday.
-Please, lan.
165
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,247
l love you so much.
166
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:53,002
Hello. This is a coupon for six free...
No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.
167
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,714
-Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen.
-Thanks.
168
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,382
You're welcome. Sorry.
169
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:01,261
Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is?
170
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:05,432
-lt's just past the movie theater.
-Thanks, man.
171
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,934
(LAUGHlNG)
172
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,312
Yeah, real funny.
173
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,277
Free donuts, free coupons.
174
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,821
TlFFANY: Felicia. How's it fitting, hon?
175
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:35,378
Well, you look nice.
176
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,256
You know, sweetie,
there's still time to have your boobs done
177
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,507
before my wedding.
178
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,051
Darren and l already discussed them,
and he said he'd pay for it.
179
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:45,305
l mean, he's a dentist,
so it's totally not a big deal.
180
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,767
Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors?
181
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,894
Oh ! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie?
182
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:54,439
Oh, no. l was just hoping
you could slit my wrists for me quickly.
183
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:57,358
My husband killed himself last Christmas.
184
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:02,697
l am so sorry. l was just...
185
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:07,535
Hello. This is a coupon
for six free donuts. Donuts?
186
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:19,214
Oh, my God ! You look so hot in that.
187
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,592
Hey, sweetheart, listen.
Please don't take this the wrong way,
188
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,594
but your whole trying too hard thing,
189
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:27,305
it's just coming across as needy,
you know?
190
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,724
And l think you're better than that,
Kimberly.
191
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:34,729
-But all l was saying was that...
-Shh ! Let's see it in a large. Okay?
192
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,856
l mean, Christ,
l'm out buying him clothes right now.
193
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:40,819
He's 1 8 years old.
l don't have to do that shit anymore.
194
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:45,406
Look, Judy, listen, l'm sorry,
l'm losing you. l'm going into a tunnel.
195
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:50,745
Well, it's official, Lance,
your mom's still bat-shit crazy.
196
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,122
What? You're telling me
she doesn't shit-talk me?
197
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:56,084
No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever.
198
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:59,003
All right. Let me give you some advice,
Lance, all right?
199
00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:02,048
Don't ever get married.
Just an endless parade of horseshit.
200
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:05,844
And whatever you do, man,
always wear a rubber. Christ.
201
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,721
Nice. Always classy.
202
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:12,600
Hey, come on, Lance, l didn't mean it like...
Come on, dawg.
203
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:20,108
Hey, sir. l've got something yummy
for your little girl.
204
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:22,610
(SCREAMlNG)
205
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:26,614
Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!
206
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:31,035
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
207
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:36,040
-lan? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?
-lAN: l don't know.
208
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,501
ls there a cock and balls
on the front of me again?
209
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,087
-Like a little tree trunk.
-lAN: Thank you.
210
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,090
Oh, my God.
211
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:51,014
-Whoa. You look pretty.
-God, shut up, lan !
212
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:54,976
What? l'm just saying,
you usually dress so... You look nice.
213
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:57,395
lan, why do you got to work the mouth
when you talk to us?
214
00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:00,940
-Yeah, lan.
-Sorry, it's a... lt's a habit.
215
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,068
Hey, that girl you work with, Becca,
you gonna bring her to my party tonight?
216
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:08,823
-Yeah, l asked her. She said no.
-Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you.
217
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,367
That's what you say about everyone.
218
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,411
She made you wear
the fucking costume again, right?
219
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,914
-You know, l don't mind...
-Dude, if you told her to fuck off,
220
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:19,334
she'd be two knuckles deep right now
daydreaming about your big black cock.
221
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,585
lan, do not listen to him.
222
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,379
Okay, girls want a nice guy
who's gonna treat them well.
223
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,089
-Really?
-Yes. Really.
224
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,383
Look, all l'm saying is
everybody wants a challenge.
225
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,844
-Everybody wants...
-What they can't get. l know, l got it.
226
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,264
Do you get it? 'Cause l mean, it feels like
l'm teaching you to walk sometimes.
227
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:37,310
-That shit does not work.
-lt works on you.
228
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:39,187
No, it doesn't.
229
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,234
Felicia!
230
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:49,280
Balls! l got to go.
Evil cousin's spending the weekend.
231
00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:52,200
-Pretty cousin?
-lan, she's the anti-Christ.
232
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:55,411
-She's still super hot.
-Fuck you, too. See you.
233
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,538
So what happened with Becca?
234
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,207
You been doing like l told you,
being a dick?
235
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:03,753
Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick.
l'd say... No, not really.
236
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:06,631
l mean, you know,
l've sort of been practicing
237
00:16:06,715 --> 00:16:09,926
your whole being-a-dick thing
with this girl l met online.
238
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,970
-And l get it, but l just...
-Thanks.
239
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,846
l don't think l could do that for real.
240
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,015
Dude, sure you can.
l believe in you, you know.
241
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,852
You just got to stop worrying
about being the good guy all the time.
242
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,021
l mean, okay,
look at Andy and Randy over there.
243
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,982
You think they care
what women think about them?
244
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,984
They could give a fuck.
245
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:29,320
-What's up? What's up?
-What's up, what's up?
246
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,740
Hi. l'm collecting for
the underprivileged children of Ecuador.
247
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,242
-Would you like to help?
-Not really.
248
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,744
-We don't have any money.
-No jobs.
249
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,038
You wanna party?
250
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,290
Um... l'm kind of working right now.
251
00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,668
-When are you done?
-Yeah, what are you doing after?
252
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,336
l have a church thing tonight.
253
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,338
-Kick ass, we'll come.
-Yeah, where is it?
254
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,424
ls there gonna be
more hot snatch like you there?
255
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,510
Those guys are total nards.
They never get anywhere.
256
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,512
That's just 'cause they don't know
how to close.
257
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,222
But they're ability to open
is fucking heroic.
258
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,975
-Do you wear thong underpants?
-Do you want us to take our shirts off?
259
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:01,352
-What color bra are you wearing?
-ls your mom hot, too?
260
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,021
Are you into me?
261
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,856
-Where do you live?
-What color car do you have?
262
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,607
-Where do you live?
-What's your address?
263
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,359
-Do you want us to come over?
-Do you like pizza?
264
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,319
We've been to a motel.
265
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:18,077
-Fuck off, donut.
-Rex, it's me.
266
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,205
What the fuck is this all about?
267
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:25,209
l broke the key off of our locker.
l couldn't get my clothes out.
268
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:29,172
Stow that shit in the trunk.
Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole.
269
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,678
REX: (LAUGHlNG) You suck.
270
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,142
Becca? Hey.
271
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:44,562
Wow, l didn't know
that you were coming over.
272
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:50,568
Cool. l didn't even know
that you knew where l lived. l mean...
273
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:53,321
-Yeah, l do.
-Yeah.
274
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:56,824
-So...
-Oh ! lt's a funny story. l broke...
275
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,703
l broke my key off
and Ron let me borrow the...
276
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,499
Anyway, so this is great.
You changed your mind.
277
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:05,792
Now, the party, it doesn't start
278
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:09,712
-for a few hours.
-Actually, l was wondering if Dylan's here.
279
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,509
-Dylan?
-Yeah. ls he here?
280
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,969
-My 1 4-year-old brother Dylan?
-Yeah.
281
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:22,016
-DYLAN: Nice underpants, lan.
-Snap! Dang, that was funny.
282
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,102
You know he's 1 4, right?
283
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,523
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
284
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:46,249
Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous.
l love it.
285
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,550
(COUGHlNG)
286
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,387
-Hey, congrats. Good to see you.
-Hey.
287
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,184
ls this the plan?
288
00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:18,865
lan, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here.
Get off your wallflower ass.
289
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,909
-Are you smoking cigars now?
-Yes.
290
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,246
-Hey, Lance. Tight party.
-Okay, rude.
291
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,165
You can see
l'm having a conversation here.
292
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:30,168
Now, l'll be with you
in a few minutes, okay?
293
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,544
-Thank you.
-We're sorry.
294
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,588
-Don't apologize to her.
-l'm sorry.
295
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,339
Don't apologize to me.
296
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,424
(SCOFFS)
297
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,679
Hey, l'm gonna go see
who Felicia's talking to.
298
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,015
No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?
299
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,100
l know you guys are BFF and all that shit,
300
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,519
but tonight's about getting that dick
a little daylight.
301
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,646
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,
where you going?
302
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:53,191
Come here, we're not done. Get in here.
303
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:57,069
-You know my boy lan?
-Yeah. No. l don't know.
304
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:01,032
-You used to be on my paper route.
-Okay, sure. My mom likes you.
305
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:07,538
Fucking A your mom likes lan. Look at him.
He's a big, bright crimson king. Right?
306
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,832
You know what else?
307
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,043
lan is a bust-ass virgin.
308
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,586
(SPLUTTERS)
309
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,047
l'm so sorry.
310
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:19,342
Don't let that deter you from fucking him.
311
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:24,764
(GlGGLlNG)
312
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:28,267
Yeah. No, l'm pretty stoked.
l got into the University of Wisconsin,
313
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,561
and l'm gonna go for veterinary medicine,
'cause that's where...
314
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:33,064
-Are you gonna go to college?
-University of Boulder.
315
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:34,857
lt's a great party school.
316
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:40,279
You know, l read that they have
a really great astronomy program.
317
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,281
l don't know if that's
what you're going there for or...
318
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:48,037
Because it's really high elevation,
and you can see the stars really well...
319
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,166
Planets.
320
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:56,254
Wow! A little tip action there.
That's really suggestive.
321
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:59,590
l'm not saying that
you're gonna do that on my, well...
322
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,927
You can just stick with my finger
if you want 'cause this feels great, so...
323
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:09,350
You're really good at that.
That's really wet. Two...
324
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,810
(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)
325
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,270
(POPPlNG)
326
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,814
-FELlClA: lan ! Dude!
-l'm... Could you excuse me for a second?
327
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,899
Hello. Hello?
328
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:20,319
-Hey!
-Hey! What up?
329
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:24,156
-What are you doing in there, man?
-What're you doing out here, man?
330
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:27,076
-l asked you first.
-Nothing.
331
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,913
No, l just... l spilled beer on my shirt,
so then l had to...
332
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:35,918
-l thought you had, like, a girl in there.
-Yeah, right. l wish.
333
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:39,505
So, okay.
So, are your parents, like, still going
334
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:41,674
to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend?
335
00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,384
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They all take off in the morning.
336
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:44,719
Okay. Awesome.
337
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:49,807
'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts,
so, l don't know,
338
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:53,060
you think, like, maybe l could hang
at your place this weekend?
339
00:21:53,186 --> 00:21:55,813
Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something.
lt'll be fun.
340
00:21:55,897 --> 00:22:02,236
Oh, my God ! Thank you so much.
Hey, l have a secret.
341
00:22:02,529 --> 00:22:03,529
(LAUGHS)
342
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:06,490
-Okay.
-But it's like a girl secret, so...
343
00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:11,287
-Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay.
-Yeah.
344
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:14,165
Hey, Dibits, fuck off.
345
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:19,837
Okay, so l... Oh my God, this is so lame.
346
00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:24,383
-Look at you acting like such a girl.
-l know, l know. Okay, okay. Here it is.
347
00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:30,639
l have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy.
348
00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,851
Yeah? Well, who is it?
349
00:22:33,935 --> 00:22:36,687
Come on, you know me better than anyone.
l bet you know who it is.
350
00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:38,356
Come on, guess.
351
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,400
Um...
352
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:43,778
l think l know.
353
00:22:50,118 --> 00:22:51,952
(GASPlNG)
354
00:22:52,037 --> 00:22:57,833
l'm kidding. Oh, God ! l got you.
You're so easy. You're so easy!
355
00:23:01,838 --> 00:23:04,924
-You're my best friend.
-l know, and you're my best friend.
356
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:08,969
That's why it's funny that we would kiss,
because we wouldn't.
357
00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:15,226
So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero?
358
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,978
Um... Nobody.
359
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:21,899
-Nobody?
-l... l was kidding, too.
360
00:23:22,859 --> 00:23:24,944
-That is funny.
-lt's hilarious.
361
00:23:25,028 --> 00:23:27,405
-That is so funny.
-That is so funny.
362
00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:29,907
Oh ! l...
363
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:30,991
-You got...
-Yeah.
364
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:33,577
-All right. So...
-Hey!
365
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:35,037
Okay.
366
00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:42,128
Harsh.
367
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,011
(BUZZlNG)
368
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:52,513
(LlNDSAY MOANlNG)
369
00:23:53,181 --> 00:23:55,266
LlNDSAY: Well, come on, lan.
370
00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:56,434
(STUTTERlNG)
371
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,686
You know what? l'm good. l'm just gonna...
372
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,605
lan, come on, baby. Don't be shy.
373
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:05,693
No, thanks. lt looks like
you got your hands full there, so...
374
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,945
MAN: Sure you don't want to
get in on this, bro?
375
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:10,114
No, thanks, man.
376
00:24:10,198 --> 00:24:13,576
lt looks like you fellows
got it all under control.
377
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:17,621
So l'm just gonna skedaddle.
You all take care now.
378
00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:19,290
Lindsay, say hi to your mom.
379
00:24:19,374 --> 00:24:20,374
(LlNDSAY GASPlNG)
380
00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:21,959
MAN: All right. See you later, buddy.
381
00:24:29,759 --> 00:24:31,886
lan. Dude, where you going?
382
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,222
Shit.
383
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,480
(LlNDSAY GASPlNG)
384
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:45,649
(CHUCKLES) Hey, Goldie, scoot over.
385
00:24:52,407 --> 00:24:55,576
-Hey, babe, you wanna party?
-l'm at a party.
386
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,786
RANDY: You should pee on us.
387
00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:58,913
ANDY: Why don't you take a picture, lan?
388
00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:01,707
Yeah, and post it on
Totalfuckingawesomeness.com.
389
00:25:01,791 --> 00:25:03,834
Backslash-we-rule!
390
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:05,044
RANDY: Where'd you come up with that?
391
00:25:05,128 --> 00:25:10,257
-Hey, can l ask you guys a question?
-You just did.
392
00:25:11,092 --> 00:25:13,093
-Can l ask you another question?
-You just did again.
393
00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:15,346
-What's up? What's up?
-What's up, what's up?
394
00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:18,724
Nice hair. lt'll look even better in my crotch.
395
00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:24,688
-Dude, where you going?
-Come on.
396
00:25:24,773 --> 00:25:27,733
What's going on?
Something troubling you? Be a buddy.
397
00:25:27,817 --> 00:25:32,905
-l'm... All right, all right.
-You got to get over the monkey.
398
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:37,159
Where do you guys get the confidence to,
like, hit on every girl you see?
399
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:41,080
-'Cause we're the shit.
-Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch.
400
00:25:41,164 --> 00:25:42,581
(SPlTTlNG)
401
00:25:44,125 --> 00:25:47,545
-So where's Felicia?
-Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
402
00:25:48,505 --> 00:25:51,882
-She's in...
-Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?
403
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:54,301
We're just friends.
404
00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:56,136
-l'm uncircumcised.
-Yeah.
405
00:25:56,304 --> 00:25:58,514
-l'm into you and l'm hard.
-Yeah.
406
00:25:58,598 --> 00:26:00,975
-Hey, l was born to fertilize.
-Yeah.
407
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:03,227
-l'm a firefighter.
-GlRL: Fuck off!
408
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:04,562
(SlGHS)
409
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:06,438
Wait, l thought you took her to prom.
410
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:09,483
Yeah,
but it was a just-friends kind of thing.
411
00:26:13,822 --> 00:26:15,990
You should bang her. We would.
412
00:26:16,157 --> 00:26:17,741
ANDY: Dude, we would bang her so hard.
413
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:20,286
We would take that ass and just...
414
00:26:23,164 --> 00:26:25,291
Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you
if you're not into it.
415
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:26,750
Yeah. Hard.
416
00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:29,044
-With our dicks!
-Yeah, our dicks are huge.
417
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:32,256
You could see them from space!
What's up?
418
00:26:32,340 --> 00:26:35,301
-What's up?
-Hey, do you have a phone number?
419
00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:38,012
You don't. Okay.
420
00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:46,020
l'll call you from nationals.
421
00:26:49,357 --> 00:26:51,859
-BECCA: Say it.
-You're my little donut girl.
422
00:26:56,031 --> 00:26:59,700
-Bye, sexy.
-Yo, lan.
423
00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:04,705
-You want to smell my finger?
-Yeah, okay.
424
00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:08,542
(SNlFFS)
425
00:27:09,210 --> 00:27:11,670
Are you sure you got the right hole?
426
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:12,755
(SNlFFS)
427
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:20,721
Kids.
428
00:27:21,264 --> 00:27:22,890
(PEOPLE LAUGHlNG)
429
00:27:27,771 --> 00:27:29,063
Awesome.
430
00:27:34,778 --> 00:27:37,071
Hmm... '69.
431
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:44,119
(LAUGHS)
432
00:27:44,579 --> 00:27:45,663
Whoa.
433
00:27:54,422 --> 00:27:56,423
Don't puss out. Be cool.
434
00:27:59,177 --> 00:28:01,595
l don't know.
435
00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:07,851
That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit!
436
00:28:10,063 --> 00:28:13,023
Sugar biscuit? God, l suck at this.
437
00:28:18,363 --> 00:28:19,363
(SLURPlNG)
438
00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:24,993
(CLANGlNG)
439
00:28:25,078 --> 00:28:26,537
Holy buckets.
440
00:28:28,748 --> 00:28:31,041
She wants me to give her the D.
441
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,084
(NASTY GIRL PLAYlNG ON HEADPHONES)
442
00:28:32,168 --> 00:28:33,210
(SINGING) Well, honey
443
00:28:33,294 --> 00:28:34,253
What ya got, Mr. Mans?
444
00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:35,754
I got a lot of money
445
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:37,756
I don't see no keys in my hands
446
00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:40,718
I just wanna nasty girl
447
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,052
(GRUNTS)
448
00:28:42,137 --> 00:28:44,471
Now tell me, is that nasty girl you?
449
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:45,723
Do you like what you see?
450
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:52,396
Could you be my nasty girl
and let me do that dirty dance with you?
451
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,565
I can love you long time
452
00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:03,949
(ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING)
453
00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:11,665
(SINGING) I Iike 'em all in shapes and sizes
454
00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:14,918
And it don't make no difference to me
455
00:29:15,837 --> 00:29:20,257
If you're short, tall, big or small
Long if there ain't no big surprises
456
00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:22,593
Chances are you'll suit me to a T
457
00:29:31,352 --> 00:29:32,686
Love beef.
458
00:29:36,524 --> 00:29:38,192
Terry, phone call.
459
00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:45,449
Dude, weren't you in my gym class?
What is it? Egan?
460
00:29:45,533 --> 00:29:47,534
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan.
461
00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:52,247
(SCOFFlNG)
462
00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:56,668
Right. Whatever, scrotch.
You can't get your fist pregnant.
463
00:29:56,753 --> 00:30:00,422
Russ, man, check it out.
Yo, look who's buying jimmys.
464
00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:03,884
You want these gift-wrapped, Egan?
465
00:30:08,515 --> 00:30:10,098
Just ring it up, man.
466
00:30:10,183 --> 00:30:12,559
Karen, let me have that for you.
467
00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:15,896
Dad, what did you do with my helmet?
468
00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:42,214
lan, honey,
l made you some tollhouse cookies.
469
00:30:43,091 --> 00:30:45,509
l'll just leave these here for you.
470
00:30:46,761 --> 00:30:48,095
l'll get them later.
471
00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:51,765
There's $40 in the cow for fun money,
472
00:30:52,433 --> 00:30:55,811
so be safe and sorry l didn't knock.
473
00:30:57,272 --> 00:31:01,066
Anytime. lt's your home now.
474
00:31:01,150 --> 00:31:02,192
(THUDS)
475
00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:03,777
KAREN: Oh, dear.
476
00:31:07,574 --> 00:31:09,199
-Dude.
-Hey.
477
00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:12,286
What is going on with you?
You bought rubbers?
478
00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,497
-How did you know that?
-lt's on Russ Miller's blog.
479
00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:21,712
Jesus! That was, like, 1 1 minutes ago.
480
00:31:21,796 --> 00:31:24,673
What's the deal? Dude.
481
00:31:24,757 --> 00:31:27,718
lAN: She wants me to meet her tonight
at the Big Boy in Knoxville.
482
00:31:27,844 --> 00:31:31,722
This is a fucking written invitation
to your dick from the lnternet.
483
00:31:31,806 --> 00:31:33,056
Oh, Jesus.
484
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:35,434
Seriously, dude, pack your shit.
We're going to Knoxville.
485
00:31:35,518 --> 00:31:37,603
No. Stop it. Put these back.
486
00:31:37,687 --> 00:31:39,438
This is the type of girl who has...
487
00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:42,149
She has it shaved into a landing strip.
488
00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:43,942
l can't deal with a landing strip.
489
00:31:44,027 --> 00:31:46,695
Okay, dude, you don't know that. l mean,
she could have anything under there.
490
00:31:46,779 --> 00:31:51,325
There could be a little Hitler
or just a full, nasty Chewbacca.
491
00:31:51,784 --> 00:31:52,784
(LAUGHS)
492
00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:56,038
But l'm guessing this chick is baby fresh.
493
00:31:56,122 --> 00:31:59,958
You know, she doesn't even want me.
She wants him.
494
00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,084
(LANCE LAUGHlNG)
495
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:04,922
l'm sorry. This is good. This is fine.
496
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:07,090
l mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes.
497
00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:09,885
Tasty's probably a guy, anyway.
498
00:32:09,969 --> 00:32:12,679
Maybe. But what if she's not?
499
00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:16,642
You know, l mean, look, you've already
opened, and l could help you close.
500
00:32:17,185 --> 00:32:18,560
We just need one thing.
501
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:19,686
(ENGlNE REVVlNG)
502
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:28,695
lan, just look at this.
l mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO,
503
00:32:28,780 --> 00:32:31,406
she's gonna drop an egg right there
in the Big Boy parking lot.
504
00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:33,450
Hey, lan, come give me a hand with this.
505
00:32:34,535 --> 00:32:37,621
Here. Strap that end down. Tight.
506
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:41,416
-The cord's too short.
-Put a little sack into it, powder puff.
507
00:32:45,338 --> 00:32:47,714
-All right. Thanks, little brother.
-Yeah.
508
00:32:48,132 --> 00:32:49,800
-Hey, lan.
-Yeah.
509
00:32:50,218 --> 00:32:52,344
Did l hear something
about you wanting to borrow my car?
510
00:32:52,428 --> 00:32:55,097
No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you.
511
00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:57,391
You sure?
512
00:32:58,768 --> 00:33:02,229
You're my little brother, lan.
All you gotta do is ask.
513
00:33:04,273 --> 00:33:05,399
Okay.
514
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:09,027
Could l use The Judge this weekend?
515
00:33:10,405 --> 00:33:11,405
(LAUGHlNG)
516
00:33:13,950 --> 00:33:18,620
Fuck-stick, l wouldn't let you drive
The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts.
517
00:33:22,250 --> 00:33:24,459
-REX: Let's go, Dad.
-What a dick.
518
00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:26,378
You should take his car just on principle.
519
00:33:26,754 --> 00:33:28,672
What do you want me to do, you know?
520
00:33:28,756 --> 00:33:31,341
l mean, l doubt l can hot-wire it,
since l don't even know what that means.
521
00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:32,884
What are you doing?
522
00:33:34,345 --> 00:33:35,345
(LAUGHS)
523
00:33:36,764 --> 00:33:39,808
No. Lance, no! Put it back.
Did you just hear him? Please.
524
00:33:39,892 --> 00:33:42,060
Come here, we're gonna have a talk.
525
00:33:42,395 --> 00:33:44,563
She's only nine short hours away, okay?
526
00:33:44,647 --> 00:33:47,524
We're gonna head down there tonight
and you're gonna put a dent in that shit.
527
00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:50,527
lan's gonna treat it like it's meat
that needs tenderizing.
528
00:33:50,611 --> 00:33:52,320
With his dick instead of a hammer.
529
00:33:52,405 --> 00:33:54,531
You can pound it till it bleeds.
530
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:58,201
Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess,
and then we're gonna be...
531
00:33:58,286 --> 00:33:59,327
(LAUGHlNG)
532
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:02,039
-What're you doing?
-MAN: Still rolling.
533
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:04,875
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it.
lan's gonna pound on it.
534
00:34:04,959 --> 00:34:07,669
We're back tomorrow
before Rex even knows the car is gone.
535
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:09,796
Now, listen, these girls at Madison are
gonna be fucking at a college level.
536
00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:10,881
(GARAGE DOOR OPENlNG)
537
00:34:10,965 --> 00:34:13,008
l need you ready for that.
538
00:34:13,342 --> 00:34:15,343
Wait! Put it... Put it back.
539
00:34:16,137 --> 00:34:17,220
Back here.
540
00:34:33,821 --> 00:34:37,365
For God's sake. You two rump rangers
couldn't wait five minutes?
541
00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:44,581
(GRUNTS)
542
00:34:48,377 --> 00:34:49,544
(HONKlNG)
543
00:34:53,132 --> 00:34:54,257
Shit.
544
00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:12,359
-Shit!
-Fuck!
545
00:35:12,443 --> 00:35:14,986
l told her she could stay here this weekend.
546
00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:18,990
Dude, what the hell?
Why are you driving Rex's car?
547
00:35:19,075 --> 00:35:20,867
l thought me and...
548
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:25,288
-Are you bitching out on me?
-No.
549
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:26,540
-No.
-No.
550
00:35:26,624 --> 00:35:29,376
Good. Well, then where are we going?
551
00:35:30,378 --> 00:35:32,921
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee.
552
00:35:34,048 --> 00:35:35,465
Okay. l'm gonna go tell my mom.
553
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:39,386
Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome.
554
00:35:39,595 --> 00:35:41,096
Dude, what the fuck?
555
00:35:41,180 --> 00:35:42,973
-l don't want her along.
-Really?
556
00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:45,225
You don't want to bring Yoko
on your sex trip?
557
00:35:45,309 --> 00:35:47,644
Yeah, no shit.
She's always cock-blocking you.
558
00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:50,272
No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a...
559
00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:52,524
Okay, twat blocking.
560
00:35:52,608 --> 00:35:53,692
Professor.
561
00:35:53,776 --> 00:35:54,818
FELlClA'S MOM: When will you
be coming back?
562
00:35:54,902 --> 00:35:56,194
No, tomorrow.
563
00:35:56,279 --> 00:35:59,322
-FELlClA'S MOM: When?
-No. Bye! God.
564
00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:01,741
FELlClA'S MOM: You guys
drive safe now. Bye!
565
00:36:02,326 --> 00:36:04,035
So, what's in Tennessee?
566
00:36:04,704 --> 00:36:07,455
My grandma has got some cancer.
567
00:36:08,249 --> 00:36:10,083
-Grammy K?
-lAN: She's fine.
568
00:36:10,418 --> 00:36:13,461
She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time.
569
00:36:14,755 --> 00:36:16,548
lt's, you know... l mean, what is it called?
570
00:36:16,632 --> 00:36:18,675
-lt's foot cancer.
-She's got a little foot cancer.
571
00:36:18,759 --> 00:36:20,969
She'll be hopping around in no time.
572
00:36:21,804 --> 00:36:24,222
So what's she doing in Tennessee?
573
00:36:24,473 --> 00:36:28,560
Oh ! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass
cancer center there.
574
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:32,439
-Yeah.
-Yeah, it's like... lt's famous.
575
00:36:32,690 --> 00:36:35,317
-Yeah.
-So if you ever get any cancer,
576
00:36:35,401 --> 00:36:39,613
you should totally check it out.
577
00:36:39,947 --> 00:36:40,947
(TIME TO PRETEND PLAYING)
578
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:42,157
l would.
579
00:36:45,161 --> 00:36:49,456
LANCE: So you want l-80 East and then
65 goes all the way through lndiana.
580
00:36:50,541 --> 00:36:52,459
-So how's it feel?
-lAN: What?
581
00:36:53,002 --> 00:36:56,922
l don't know, breaking the rules,
talking some shit, driving The Judge?
582
00:36:58,132 --> 00:36:59,674
lt feels pretty good.
583
00:36:59,759 --> 00:37:02,052
(SINGING) I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw
584
00:37:02,136 --> 00:37:04,221
I'm in the prime of my life
585
00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:14,189
Let's make some music, make some money
Find some models for wives
586
00:37:18,027 --> 00:37:22,322
This is our decision
To live fast and die young
587
00:37:22,865 --> 00:37:27,994
We've got the vision
Now let's have some fun
588
00:37:30,331 --> 00:37:32,958
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah
589
00:37:33,376 --> 00:37:35,001
(ENGlNE REVVlNG)
590
00:37:36,837 --> 00:37:38,505
This dude wants to race.
591
00:37:40,216 --> 00:37:41,549
Let's go, ladies.
592
00:37:41,634 --> 00:37:44,302
Lance! Cut it out!
Come on, you don't know who's in there.
593
00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:48,515
Dude, l don't care if fucking Steve
McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car.
594
00:37:48,599 --> 00:37:51,601
l refuse to be embarrassed by a car
that looks like a Trapper Keeper.
595
00:37:51,686 --> 00:37:53,812
l am not racing in my brother's car.
596
00:37:54,814 --> 00:37:56,856
lAN: Holy shit.
597
00:37:57,900 --> 00:37:59,567
What the hell is that?
598
00:38:01,821 --> 00:38:03,863
Looks like a Nachos BellGrande.
599
00:38:03,948 --> 00:38:05,407
And a chalupa!
600
00:38:05,700 --> 00:38:07,075
Medium Coke!
601
00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:08,368
(SCREAMlNG)
602
00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:09,494
Go right!
603
00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:11,746
FELlClA: Turn the wipers on !
lAN: They are on.
604
00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:13,456
FELlClA: They're not working !
605
00:38:13,666 --> 00:38:16,501
lAN: Please, don't yell at me.
l'm doing the best l can.
606
00:38:17,461 --> 00:38:18,878
-Winnebago!
-lAN: Where?
607
00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:20,797
Winnebago! Winnebago!
608
00:38:20,881 --> 00:38:21,881
(SCREECHlNG)
609
00:38:23,926 --> 00:38:25,593
(GASPlNG)
610
00:38:28,347 --> 00:38:30,432
Oh, my God, are you all right?
611
00:38:30,516 --> 00:38:31,850
(LAUGHlNG)
612
00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:38,773
Yeah, nobody offer to help.
l got this under control.
613
00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:41,026
(SNlFFLES)
614
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:50,327
-Are you all right?
-Do l look like l'm all right? Fuck!
615
00:38:52,621 --> 00:38:57,500
You know what might make you feel better?
Putting 40 on pump two.
616
00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:16,561
Hey. You okay in there?
617
00:39:17,646 --> 00:39:18,688
(MAN WHOOPlNG)
618
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:22,734
God damn ! My back teeth are snorkeling.
619
00:39:28,532 --> 00:39:30,033
Sweet relief.
620
00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:31,284
(SNlFFLES)
621
00:39:32,995 --> 00:39:35,080
You got the shy bladder?
622
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,374
-Yeah.
-Damn.
623
00:39:39,835 --> 00:39:43,046
Paruresis. That's what they call it.
624
00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:45,924
Let me tell you something.
l didn't catch your name.
625
00:39:46,008 --> 00:39:47,258
lt's lan.
626
00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:51,846
Let me tell you something, lan.
l had it something fierce.
627
00:39:55,434 --> 00:39:58,812
You can do it, lan. You can do it.
628
00:40:05,152 --> 00:40:07,612
Go running down by your sister.
629
00:40:07,696 --> 00:40:10,824
Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump.
630
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,869
Yeah? You move your meat,
you lose your seat. Hmm.
631
00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:19,666
Logan, do not eat that.
You will fuck up your appetite!
632
00:40:21,043 --> 00:40:22,168
Damn.
633
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,422
Listen, Reba.
634
00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:30,009
lf you value the rest of your teeth,
you will shut off that pump.
635
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:38,810
So l tells my daddy, "You know what?
You're not the boss of me.
636
00:40:38,894 --> 00:40:42,480
"Not you, not Angie,"
that's that girl l was telling you about.
637
00:40:42,565 --> 00:40:44,607
"And sure as hell not this bladder of mine."
638
00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:46,776
Well, he looked at me,
and you should have...
639
00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:50,655
lan. Where you going? Don't give up.
640
00:40:53,534 --> 00:40:56,494
Jesus. l've been pissing for an hour.
641
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:05,003
-Another one for the collection.
-Cool. Thanks.
642
00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:08,840
What?
643
00:41:12,928 --> 00:41:14,262
(SOBBlNG)
644
00:41:14,346 --> 00:41:17,515
lt's okay, Brandy. lt's okay, baby, don't cry.
645
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,309
Lance, what are you doing?
646
00:41:19,393 --> 00:41:21,311
Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself,
647
00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:25,315
because l'm just trying to show
another human being a little compassion.
648
00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:27,317
And my dick.
649
00:41:28,736 --> 00:41:29,736
(SHUSHlNG)
650
00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:32,864
lt's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall.
651
00:41:32,948 --> 00:41:35,325
You know why?
'Cause our love will dry them up.
652
00:41:35,409 --> 00:41:39,120
Love will keep us alive. Just like that song.
You know that song?
653
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:43,333
That's our song now.
That song represents our bond.
654
00:41:45,085 --> 00:41:47,754
Don Henley's words represent our love.
655
00:41:49,757 --> 00:41:51,090
(LANCE LAUGHlNG)
656
00:41:54,261 --> 00:41:55,762
What have you got?
657
00:41:56,138 --> 00:41:58,598
Hey, kid, where you from?
658
00:42:00,017 --> 00:42:04,771
-l'm from Chicago, l mean, outside Chicago.
-Are you two married. No?
659
00:42:06,232 --> 00:42:12,070
-No, we're just friends. We're amigos.
-You make a good couple.
660
00:42:12,613 --> 00:42:15,323
She's pretty. Marry that girl.
661
00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:18,993
See my lady and l here,
we've been married forever.
662
00:42:19,078 --> 00:42:21,454
And l tell you she was gorgeous.
663
00:42:21,539 --> 00:42:24,958
The first day l saw her,
l said, "This is gonna be my wife."
664
00:42:25,042 --> 00:42:27,585
And you know what? lt happened.
665
00:42:27,670 --> 00:42:31,339
l tell you,
that was a very good year for corn.
666
00:42:31,423 --> 00:42:33,758
Made lots of money.
667
00:42:33,842 --> 00:42:39,597
l fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady
a sexy French lingerie.
668
00:42:39,682 --> 00:42:42,809
Boy, those were the best six bucks
l ever spent.
669
00:42:45,104 --> 00:42:48,314
You kids want to help yourself
to a can of Purple?
670
00:42:48,691 --> 00:42:52,652
-Purple sounds great, lan. Purple?
-Yeah, l can go...
671
00:42:55,322 --> 00:42:57,490
Say, the boys still hanging?
672
00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:01,953
-You ever had a peppermint fatty?
-No. Let's have that.
673
00:43:02,079 --> 00:43:03,997
See how that shoe fits.
674
00:43:05,541 --> 00:43:07,000
(MOANS)
675
00:43:07,418 --> 00:43:10,169
Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this?
676
00:43:12,464 --> 00:43:15,717
You know that thing,
when runners say they break the wall?
677
00:43:15,801 --> 00:43:18,469
You know, and it's all good after that?
678
00:43:18,887 --> 00:43:20,763
l feel like that
when my dick's in your mouth.
679
00:43:21,807 --> 00:43:24,225
lt actually says Purple Soda.
680
00:43:24,310 --> 00:43:26,144
(LANCE EXCLAlMlNG)
681
00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:31,024
BRANDY: Bad boy.
682
00:43:35,779 --> 00:43:37,822
You like him, don't you?
683
00:43:40,868 --> 00:43:45,246
-What? Who?
-Lance. l mean, he's the crush, right?
684
00:43:45,372 --> 00:43:50,168
Oh, yeah ! l like Lance, 'cause he's so hot.
685
00:43:50,252 --> 00:43:54,130
l wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever.
686
00:43:55,382 --> 00:43:56,883
(TlRES SCREECHlNG)
687
00:43:57,885 --> 00:44:00,970
RlCK: Brandy!
FELlClA: Uh-oh !
688
00:44:01,055 --> 00:44:04,057
Brandy! Shit.
689
00:44:06,935 --> 00:44:08,853
-Howdy.
-Howdy.
690
00:44:08,937 --> 00:44:13,816
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am.
Where the fuck's Brandy at?
691
00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:15,902
(BRANDY GlGGLlNG)
692
00:44:22,910 --> 00:44:28,498
-You ever hear of a rolling brown-out?
-No. Let's try it.
693
00:44:30,125 --> 00:44:31,793
You bleach that.
694
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:36,506
Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown !
Nothing brown ! Nothing brown !
695
00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:39,008
What're you gonna do? Hit a girl?
696
00:44:39,259 --> 00:44:43,429
No, but l'm gonna
pummel his ass real good.
697
00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:45,890
There you go. There you go.
698
00:44:46,934 --> 00:44:47,934
Hey!
699
00:44:48,102 --> 00:44:49,435
l have to go to church.
700
00:44:50,270 --> 00:44:53,231
Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door!
701
00:44:59,113 --> 00:45:03,199
All right, this is not what it looks like.
lt was a project for school.
702
00:45:03,283 --> 00:45:04,409
Purple Soda!
703
00:45:04,493 --> 00:45:05,493
(SODA CAN HlSSlNG)
704
00:45:10,791 --> 00:45:11,958
(RlCK GRUNTlNG)
705
00:45:13,627 --> 00:45:14,836
Wiener!
706
00:45:18,799 --> 00:45:19,799
Ow!
707
00:45:42,114 --> 00:45:43,614
There you are.
708
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:48,786
Come on, come on.
l do not want to die naked.
709
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:52,957
(LAUGHlNG)
710
00:45:55,169 --> 00:45:59,422
Fuck you ! Motherfucking son of a bitch !
711
00:46:07,347 --> 00:46:10,975
Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy!
712
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:15,229
l'm gonna ask you this just one time.
Did she give you the nugget?
713
00:46:15,647 --> 00:46:17,106
Hey, hold on !
714
00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:19,984
Come on, man, she's not worth it.
715
00:46:20,068 --> 00:46:22,779
She's just gonna shit all over you.
Trust me.
716
00:46:23,197 --> 00:46:26,199
-She touch your butthole?
-No, no. Jesus, no!
717
00:46:26,283 --> 00:46:28,910
-Let's see!
-l thought she was a man. l'm gay.
718
00:46:28,994 --> 00:46:30,578
l'm gay as hell.
719
00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:32,622
(LAUGHlNG)
720
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,541
Eat bat, dickhead !
721
00:46:37,127 --> 00:46:38,544
Holy shit!
722
00:46:39,171 --> 00:46:40,171
(LAUGHS)
723
00:46:40,672 --> 00:46:41,798
lan just killed that guy.
724
00:46:41,882 --> 00:46:44,008
Sir? Oh, my God, l'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
725
00:46:44,092 --> 00:46:47,428
Look, l have my insurance card.
l'm sorry. We're from out of town.
726
00:46:47,513 --> 00:46:51,015
l couldn't see you through the corn.
l'm sorry.
727
00:46:51,099 --> 00:46:52,600
(LANCE LAUGHlNG)
728
00:46:54,561 --> 00:46:56,813
lAN: Where the hell's the road?
FELlClA: lt feels like left.
729
00:46:56,897 --> 00:46:58,022
lAN: l told you we didn't have time for this,
730
00:46:58,106 --> 00:47:00,358
-but all you care about is your stupid dick.
-lan.
731
00:47:00,442 --> 00:47:02,109
And you leave us out there
with her mom's weird soda.
732
00:47:02,194 --> 00:47:04,570
-lan.
-And her dad's balls in plain view...
733
00:47:04,655 --> 00:47:05,780
lan, lan, whip a shitty!
734
00:47:05,864 --> 00:47:07,323
RlCK: Motherfucker!
735
00:47:11,411 --> 00:47:13,120
(ALL SCREAMlNG)
736
00:47:16,875 --> 00:47:17,875
(WHOOPlNG)
737
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:21,170
Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that!
738
00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:25,132
Oh, my God, lan, amazing driving.
Lance, you suck!
739
00:47:25,425 --> 00:47:27,677
FELlClA: Where the hell are we?
lAN: Where are the Google maps?
740
00:47:27,761 --> 00:47:30,221
-They're in my pants.
-Which are?
741
00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:32,723
ln the trailer.
742
00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:36,561
Mmm-hmm. Great.
743
00:47:37,271 --> 00:47:41,524
Shit. l got gum in my bush.
744
00:47:45,362 --> 00:47:47,697
Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can
show us back to the highway.
745
00:47:47,781 --> 00:47:51,367
-lan, do not pick up a hitchhiker.
-Don't worry, l won't.
746
00:47:51,451 --> 00:47:52,869
(ENGlNE CHOKlNG)
747
00:47:52,995 --> 00:47:54,787
No, no, no.
748
00:47:56,081 --> 00:47:57,957
Oh, my God.
749
00:48:00,210 --> 00:48:04,213
Hey! Thanks for the lift, man.
l've been out there for hours.
750
00:48:04,631 --> 00:48:06,340
Not one car. Can you believe it?
751
00:48:06,425 --> 00:48:09,051
-Listen, sir, we didn't...
-You're good people.
752
00:48:09,136 --> 00:48:12,597
-Guy, you're not wearing any pants.
-Yeah, l know.
753
00:48:13,015 --> 00:48:14,056
Right on.
754
00:48:14,141 --> 00:48:16,017
Let's go. We better go.
755
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:19,478
Hey, you got my stuff.
756
00:48:21,940 --> 00:48:25,818
Hey, real quick, guys,
what's the story of the girl?
757
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:29,906
-l'm 25 years old.
-l don't know what he's talking about.
758
00:48:39,541 --> 00:48:44,128
l got nothing. There's no bars.
You know, it probably just needs water.
759
00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:45,963
Got any in the trunk?
760
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:48,758
Hey, sweetheart, men are talking.
We got this one.
761
00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:51,761
Yeah, thanks,
but this happened to my brother's car once
762
00:48:51,845 --> 00:48:54,680
-and you just piss in the radiator.
-Really?
763
00:48:54,890 --> 00:48:56,515
FELlClA: Yeah.
764
00:48:57,643 --> 00:48:59,769
Oh, God ! Damn it!
765
00:48:59,853 --> 00:49:01,103
(GROANlNG)
766
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,147
-Are you okay?
-Fuck. Yeah.
767
00:49:03,231 --> 00:49:04,941
LANCE: That's a lesson learned.
768
00:49:07,569 --> 00:49:09,445
You can watch,
if you're into that kind of thing.
769
00:49:09,529 --> 00:49:12,949
Wow, thanks, but l think we've all seen
your dick enough for one day.
770
00:49:13,033 --> 00:49:17,828
-lAN: Do you hear that? There's a ringing.
-Your loss. lt's like razor blades.
771
00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:22,708
lAN: What? There's ants down here. FYl.
772
00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:27,546
All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it.
773
00:49:28,298 --> 00:49:31,550
Okay. Go away.
774
00:49:31,969 --> 00:49:36,097
Dude, seriously? Still?
l thought you got over this shit.
775
00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:39,100
You're a grown man.
776
00:49:46,483 --> 00:49:49,986
(WHlSPERlNG) Flowing river, gentle stream.
Flowing river, gentle stream.
777
00:49:50,070 --> 00:49:54,490
-Yo, stage fright, how're we doing?
-Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute.
778
00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:55,825
(LANCE LAUGHlNG)
779
00:49:55,909 --> 00:50:00,413
Excuse me.
We kind of need you to pee in the radiator.
780
00:50:00,956 --> 00:50:04,083
-Why?
-We just do.
781
00:50:05,419 --> 00:50:08,963
l'm sorry. l just took a squirt
a couple of minutes ago.
782
00:50:10,048 --> 00:50:12,049
You want me to shit in it?
783
00:50:13,135 --> 00:50:15,469
-We'll get back to you on that one.
-All right.
784
00:50:17,639 --> 00:50:20,266
-l'm telling you, l could shit right now.
-Awesome.
785
00:50:22,185 --> 00:50:25,187
Our new friend's got nothing left
in the tank.
786
00:50:29,735 --> 00:50:30,901
What?
787
00:50:34,489 --> 00:50:39,160
No. Guys, come on.
l don't have the aim that you do.
788
00:50:39,244 --> 00:50:42,955
Every drop helps so much.
789
00:50:44,374 --> 00:50:48,169
Hey, look what l found in my bag.
790
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:49,587
Thank God.
791
00:50:50,005 --> 00:50:53,299
-No!
-What the fuck are you doing?
792
00:50:57,054 --> 00:51:01,015
You all just wait 20 minutes
and l'll top it off for you.
793
00:51:03,643 --> 00:51:05,227
Could be ten.
794
00:51:05,312 --> 00:51:09,065
Fine, fine. Okay.
But if any of you pervs peek,
795
00:51:09,149 --> 00:51:12,359
l swear to God it will be
your last conscious act.
796
00:51:20,327 --> 00:51:21,452
Shit.
797
00:51:21,995 --> 00:51:23,537
(URlNATlNG)
798
00:51:30,378 --> 00:51:32,755
(CHRISTIAN ROCK PLAYING ON STEREO)
799
00:51:36,093 --> 00:51:38,052
You kids need some help?
800
00:51:44,935 --> 00:51:45,976
Hi.
801
00:51:52,275 --> 00:51:53,359
Are you okay?
802
00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:56,570
Yeah, l'm great.
l just beaved a family of four.
803
00:51:56,655 --> 00:51:57,655
(LANCE LAUGHlNG)
804
00:51:57,739 --> 00:51:58,948
Try it.
805
00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:02,368
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)
806
00:52:04,412 --> 00:52:05,579
All set?
807
00:52:05,664 --> 00:52:08,499
Look, l'm sorry, sir,
but we can't give you a ride.
808
00:52:10,585 --> 00:52:12,670
l'm gonna say this once.
809
00:52:12,754 --> 00:52:16,757
You unlock this fucking car,
or God is my witness,
810
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:19,468
l'll stake you all to the ground,
811
00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:22,805
cut you open and let the dogs get at you.
812
00:52:24,307 --> 00:52:25,307
Oh, yeah?
813
00:52:28,103 --> 00:52:30,312
Bye-bye.
814
00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:33,774
(ENGlNE SPUTTERlNG)
815
00:52:35,443 --> 00:52:37,736
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
816
00:52:37,821 --> 00:52:39,655
LANCE: What happened?
lAN: lt's stuck.
817
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:44,743
Uh-oh.
818
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:47,746
That didn't work out like you planned,
did it?
819
00:52:47,831 --> 00:52:52,168
You know what? Mostly l'm disappointed.
lt shows zero character.
820
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,836
l know, l'm sorry.
821
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:55,588
And you're a dick.
822
00:52:56,131 --> 00:53:00,342
You're a dick. You know what, ma'am?
You're a dick, too.
823
00:53:05,098 --> 00:53:07,808
-Here's that pee you ordered.
-Roll them up.
824
00:53:09,769 --> 00:53:13,689
-There you go, Tex.
-FELlClA: You're soaked with pee.
825
00:53:13,773 --> 00:53:15,316
Quick car wash?
826
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:17,818
-God !
-FELlClA: Gross.
827
00:53:17,903 --> 00:53:21,488
lt smells like beef jerky. You know?
828
00:53:22,157 --> 00:53:25,242
lt's just got like that sour sweetness.
829
00:53:27,370 --> 00:53:29,914
lAN: How can nobody go down a road
for an hour and a half?
830
00:53:29,998 --> 00:53:31,832
Why did they even make this stupid road?
831
00:53:31,917 --> 00:53:34,210
FELlClA: lt's so hot out here.
832
00:53:34,294 --> 00:53:35,294
Ow!
833
00:53:37,631 --> 00:53:38,672
(LAUGHlNG)
834
00:53:38,757 --> 00:53:43,427
Oh, my God, your head.
Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see.
835
00:53:43,553 --> 00:53:45,638
Yes. lt hurts.
836
00:53:47,891 --> 00:53:51,310
-What is that?
-Oh, my God.
837
00:53:54,898 --> 00:53:55,898
lAN: Wow.
838
00:54:08,578 --> 00:54:11,121
That is so beautiful.
839
00:54:20,340 --> 00:54:21,423
Need some help?
840
00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:22,508
(LAUGHS)
841
00:54:22,592 --> 00:54:27,596
-Yeah, but no offense...
-Right, 'cause l'm Amish,
842
00:54:27,681 --> 00:54:30,683
so l wouldn't know anything
about your '69 GTO Judge.
843
00:54:30,976 --> 00:54:34,728
455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-1 1 posi,
something like that.
844
00:54:34,813 --> 00:54:37,815
Weird, that thing must have fallen
straight from space.
845
00:54:37,899 --> 00:54:40,609
Well, good luck with the future ride,
spaceman.
846
00:54:43,321 --> 00:54:45,447
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.
847
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:46,949
lAN: Wow!
848
00:54:47,033 --> 00:54:48,075
FELlClA: Okay.
849
00:54:48,159 --> 00:54:52,454
What are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea.
850
00:54:52,622 --> 00:54:53,789
-What?
-Come on.
851
00:54:53,873 --> 00:54:56,375
You don't know how far we have to walk.
Those are your only pair of shoes.
852
00:54:56,459 --> 00:54:59,712
You know what? You're probably right.
God, you're so sensible.
853
00:54:59,879 --> 00:55:02,548
But maybe l should? Or maybe l shouldn't?
854
00:55:02,632 --> 00:55:03,924
l should.
855
00:55:06,428 --> 00:55:08,137
l can't believe you just did that.
856
00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:11,307
So he met this chick on the lnternet,
which is sketchy.
857
00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:12,891
The lnternet?
858
00:55:13,226 --> 00:55:17,813
Yeah, it's like a series of computers
that are connected through...
859
00:55:17,897 --> 00:55:19,231
Computers?
860
00:55:20,859 --> 00:55:24,445
A computer is like a big calculator,
you know, with the screen.
861
00:55:24,529 --> 00:55:26,864
l'm just busting your balls, man.
l know what the lnternet is.
862
00:55:26,948 --> 00:55:28,699
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)
863
00:55:29,701 --> 00:55:31,744
-Okay.
-You ever heard of Rumspringa?
864
00:55:31,828 --> 00:55:34,246
Yeah, that ska band from Delaware.
865
00:55:34,331 --> 00:55:38,500
No, it means "run wild." lt's an Amish
tradition where when we turn 1 6,
866
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:41,170
we can go live like you heathens
for a while.
867
00:55:41,254 --> 00:55:46,467
You go nuts, party for months or years
till your folks start hassling you,
868
00:55:46,551 --> 00:55:48,886
and then it's back to the Stone Age.
869
00:55:48,970 --> 00:55:50,971
But if you're on Rumspringa,
what's with the buggy?
870
00:55:51,056 --> 00:55:54,224
Oh, no. l'm not. Not anymore.
871
00:55:54,309 --> 00:55:56,685
l probably shouldn't even be
talking to you but...
872
00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:59,605
l'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw.
873
00:55:59,689 --> 00:56:03,150
-Sometimes l just miss the world.
-What do you miss the most?
874
00:56:03,234 --> 00:56:06,403
You know, l miss sarcasm.
lt's mostly lost on my people.
875
00:56:06,488 --> 00:56:07,529
Oh.
876
00:56:07,614 --> 00:56:13,285
And gambling. Went to Vegas once.
And buttfucking.
877
00:56:14,954 --> 00:56:17,122
Have a lot of nice memories there.
878
00:56:17,207 --> 00:56:19,041
-LANCE: l hear that.
-Oh, yeah.
879
00:56:19,876 --> 00:56:21,210
Buttfucking.
880
00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:24,755
Wait, are we talking about dudes?
881
00:56:25,465 --> 00:56:27,841
-No.
-Okay. Then yeah.
882
00:56:28,885 --> 00:56:32,721
l mean, unless that's what you're into,
and then, whatever.
883
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,515
-lt's not.
-No?
884
00:56:34,599 --> 00:56:35,599
No.
885
00:56:36,142 --> 00:56:38,811
-Not into dudes.
-No, no, no, no, no.
886
00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:41,772
-How old are you?
-Old enough.
887
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,273
(LAUGHS)
888
00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:44,983
How old are you?
889
00:56:50,740 --> 00:56:52,574
This is gonna happen.
890
00:56:54,744 --> 00:56:57,079
lt's gonna happen
whether you fight it or not.
891
00:56:57,163 --> 00:56:59,581
So l kind of want you to fight it.
892
00:57:01,209 --> 00:57:02,251
MAN: Cut.
893
00:57:02,335 --> 00:57:05,421
-All right. Now you.
-No way. Forget it.
894
00:57:05,505 --> 00:57:08,006
Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever.
895
00:57:08,091 --> 00:57:11,218
Hey! l'm driving halfway across the country
to go to...
896
00:57:11,302 --> 00:57:14,847
To visit your grandma? Whoa!
897
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:17,808
So anyway, we're there and she's like...
898
00:57:18,143 --> 00:57:19,476
(lMlTATlNG SOBBlNG)
899
00:57:19,727 --> 00:57:20,727
Oh, yeah.
900
00:57:21,521 --> 00:57:22,729
Like, she won't stop crying.
901
00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:24,273
-That's the funniest thing, too.
-l know.
902
00:57:24,357 --> 00:57:28,193
l know, l was with this stripper in Vegas,
and l was like, "you want this?"
903
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:31,864
So she's like, "Yeah, l want it, l want it."
904
00:57:33,116 --> 00:57:35,451
And l was like,
yeah, this gets hotter by the second.
905
00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:39,246
"What're you crying about?" She's like,
"...wanted to be a doctor."
906
00:57:39,330 --> 00:57:44,251
And l'm like,
"Yeah, you're a fucking Ph. D. of cock."
907
00:57:44,335 --> 00:57:46,211
-Yeah.
-Yeah, exactly.
908
00:57:46,296 --> 00:57:50,466
And then coercing my load
out on to the crying face.
909
00:57:50,550 --> 00:57:54,344
Vegas in general is just... Good times.
910
00:57:55,472 --> 00:57:57,639
You can get a blowjob for $1 0.
911
00:57:57,724 --> 00:58:01,935
Or for free if you meet the right girl
and tell her "l'm on Rumspringa."
912
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:04,813
"What is this blowjob that you speak of?"
913
00:58:05,523 --> 00:58:07,900
"Your techno music beguiles me."
914
00:58:09,235 --> 00:58:11,278
Let me put it in your butt.
915
00:58:11,362 --> 00:58:13,030
lAN: You know, when you cut your foot on
a piece of glass,
916
00:58:13,114 --> 00:58:15,532
-don't think l'm gonna carry you.
-You know what? l will be fine. Okay?
917
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:20,496
-l was born barefoot.
-Hey! Wait!
918
00:58:20,580 --> 00:58:23,665
Hey! Stop!
919
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:29,379
Have a nice walk, shit-birds.
920
00:58:32,634 --> 00:58:33,967
BOTH: Oh !
921
00:58:37,472 --> 00:58:40,098
Hey, lan, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel.
922
00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:41,892
What up, English?
923
00:58:50,818 --> 00:58:52,653
There's no service out here.
924
00:58:52,987 --> 00:58:56,031
-l can't even tell her l'll be late.
-Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting.
925
00:58:56,115 --> 00:58:58,242
You don't want to come off as desperate.
926
00:58:58,326 --> 00:59:01,036
l'm driving nine hours.
How am l not coming off desperate?
927
00:59:01,120 --> 00:59:05,165
-We had shit to do.
-Uh-oh ! See that creamy stuff?
928
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:08,835
You blew your head gasket.
That's not good.
929
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,421
-Shit.
-Don't cry. We can fix it.
930
00:59:11,506 --> 00:59:13,632
-Really?
-Yeah, really. We're good at it.
931
00:59:13,716 --> 00:59:15,217
-Yeah?
-Yeah. l didn't mean to undersell it,
932
00:59:15,301 --> 00:59:16,426
but it's an impressive thing.
933
00:59:16,511 --> 00:59:18,345
-Yeah. We'll fix it.
-Wow, that'd be cool.
934
00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:22,641
Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it?
l might be the coolest guy you ever met.
935
00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:23,976
-Wow.
-Wow.
936
00:59:24,978 --> 00:59:26,562
-Thank you.
-Yeah. You're welcome.
937
00:59:26,646 --> 00:59:29,231
That's what you say
when people do nice things for you.
938
00:59:29,315 --> 00:59:31,358
You know, there's a pretty big shindig
shaping up next door
939
00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:34,444
if you guys want to hang there
while we work on it.
940
00:59:34,529 --> 00:59:37,364
Take it easy while we do all this for you.
941
00:59:39,993 --> 00:59:43,495
-Does he have an attitude?
-No, he's fucking with you.
942
00:59:44,372 --> 00:59:45,539
Okay.
943
00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:50,752
Just relax, man.
l got a good feeling about this, you know.
944
00:59:50,837 --> 00:59:52,254
You're gonna party with the Amish.
945
00:59:52,338 --> 00:59:55,382
Yeah, l'm sure it's gonna be
one kick-ass quilting bee.
946
00:59:58,344 --> 00:59:59,845
What's up, man?
947
00:59:59,929 --> 01:00:05,017
-Hey.
-No f-ing way!
948
01:00:05,935 --> 01:00:06,977
(FAME < INFAMY PLAYING)
949
01:00:07,061 --> 01:00:12,024
(SlNGlNG) When I'm home alone
I just can't stop myself
950
01:00:12,692 --> 01:00:15,277
-This is insane!
-l know.
951
01:00:16,195 --> 01:00:17,738
(WHOOPlNG)
952
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:24,786
Signing off, "I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen"
953
01:00:24,871 --> 01:00:35,464
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
954
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:41,553
The kid was all right, but it went to his head
955
01:00:49,228 --> 01:00:54,650
Thank you, guys, very, very, very much.
You guys fucking rule, man.
956
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:57,069
(GRAND THEFT AUTUMN /
WHERE IS YOUR BOY PLAYlNG)
957
01:01:10,458 --> 01:01:14,211
Dude. Don't even bother.
Your game is not gonna work on that girl.
958
01:01:14,504 --> 01:01:18,632
What do you know about girls?
l've never even seen you with a girl.
959
01:01:19,384 --> 01:01:21,593
l'm gonna go check on the car.
960
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,518
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.
961
01:01:29,936 --> 01:01:34,398
-Bite me. l'm not your consolation prize.
-Come on. Don't be hating.
962
01:01:36,609 --> 01:01:37,609
(SCOFFS)
963
01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:40,570
Fine.
964
01:01:52,333 --> 01:01:53,875
EZEKlEL: So at this point,
her panties are off,
965
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:56,211
but l'm still apprehensive
about her husband being there,
966
01:01:56,295 --> 01:01:57,838
'cause he is just staring at me.
967
01:01:57,922 --> 01:02:03,593
Whoa! Hey, what is this?
Why are the seats out?
968
01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:06,012
lan, do you know anything
about fixing these old Pontiacs?
969
01:02:06,097 --> 01:02:10,183
l don't care, okay?
Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just
970
01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:13,311
-put them back in there. l don't want...
-lan, you've gotta calm down.
971
01:02:13,396 --> 01:02:14,730
Do you know any breathing exercises?
972
01:02:14,814 --> 01:02:16,940
Because you are right on the verge
of a freak-out.
973
01:02:17,024 --> 01:02:21,820
You don't know my brother, okay? He's
gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters.
974
01:02:21,904 --> 01:02:25,532
What? He's gonna what? With what?
975
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:30,370
Oh, yeah ! He's gonna go get off work early,
and he's gonna walk into the bank,
976
01:02:30,455 --> 01:02:32,539
stand in line, change a 1 0,
977
01:02:32,665 --> 01:02:36,501
find my ass and just fuck it
with a roll of fucking quarters.
978
01:02:38,254 --> 01:02:39,796
(LAUGHlNG)
979
01:02:48,014 --> 01:02:49,473
(CLANGlNG)
980
01:02:51,601 --> 01:02:53,393
Yeah, witness sucks!
981
01:02:54,979 --> 01:02:57,647
We've got to get that guy laid tonight.
982
01:02:58,065 --> 01:03:00,192
ls your sister still a slut?
983
01:03:25,468 --> 01:03:29,805
Check it out. lt's totally working.
984
01:03:29,889 --> 01:03:32,098
You're the best wing-man ever.
985
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:34,726
She's in, she's in. Watch this.
986
01:03:44,862 --> 01:03:48,114
GlRL: Rumspringa! Whoo!
987
01:03:49,992 --> 01:03:52,327
-l took a wicked digger.
-Yes, you did.
988
01:03:52,411 --> 01:03:54,871
l think you may have had a little too much
to drink. Maybe you should...
989
01:03:54,956 --> 01:04:00,168
Maybe you should shut your face hole
'cause l've only had one beer ever.
990
01:04:03,756 --> 01:04:06,591
-First day of Rumspringa?
-Rumspringa!
991
01:04:07,134 --> 01:04:08,760
(ALL CHEERlNG)
992
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:11,304
-Uh-oh !
-Oh !
993
01:04:11,389 --> 01:04:12,389
(RETCHlNG)
994
01:04:13,891 --> 01:04:14,975
Hey.
995
01:04:17,186 --> 01:04:22,774
-All right. Okay. You good? All right.
-Aw! You guys are so nice.
996
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,860
Don't let her step in it.
997
01:04:24,986 --> 01:04:26,403
(LAUGHS)
998
01:04:26,571 --> 01:04:30,282
l love you guys 'cause you're awesome.
999
01:04:30,366 --> 01:04:32,200
'Cause you're awesome.
1000
01:04:32,952 --> 01:04:35,954
Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off.
1001
01:04:36,956 --> 01:04:40,041
What? What's wrong with you?
1002
01:04:40,293 --> 01:04:44,045
-Yeah, what's your problem, bitch?
-Nothing. l'm fine.
1003
01:04:44,171 --> 01:04:47,215
Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off.
1004
01:04:47,508 --> 01:04:48,925
-lt's Lance, right?
-No.
1005
01:04:49,010 --> 01:04:51,386
l'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl
and you're out here.
1006
01:04:51,470 --> 01:04:52,470
Wrong.
1007
01:04:52,555 --> 01:04:55,390
Come on, Leesh, just drop
the hard-ass thing for two minutes.
1008
01:04:55,474 --> 01:04:59,144
You know. lt's okay. You're into Lance.
1009
01:05:00,521 --> 01:05:01,563
(SCOFFS)
1010
01:05:01,647 --> 01:05:04,983
-God, l'm such an idiot.
-Look, there's something about Lance.
1011
01:05:06,152 --> 01:05:10,363
Everybody likes Lance. l like Lance.
1012
01:05:11,866 --> 01:05:14,826
Just promise me
you won't ever be like Lance.
1013
01:05:14,994 --> 01:05:16,244
(SCOFFS)
1014
01:05:16,746 --> 01:05:21,541
What is wrong with us?
Let's go have some fun. Come on.
1015
01:05:22,084 --> 01:05:24,127
-No. No.
-No?
1016
01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:29,549
Come on, we're young, and we're Amish,
and it's Rumspringa.
1017
01:05:29,634 --> 01:05:31,092
DRUNK AMlSH GlRL: Rumspringa!
1018
01:05:31,177 --> 01:05:33,011
(ALL CHEERlNG)
1019
01:05:34,555 --> 01:05:35,555
(GASPlNG)
1020
01:05:58,412 --> 01:06:01,206
lan, you little cock-sucker!
1021
01:06:02,875 --> 01:06:04,376
(ROOSTER CROWlNG)
1022
01:06:35,658 --> 01:06:37,242
(GROANlNG)
1023
01:06:39,161 --> 01:06:40,161
Ah !
1024
01:06:40,246 --> 01:06:42,914
Leesh, you're so stubborn.
Look at your feet.
1025
01:06:42,999 --> 01:06:45,291
They are fine. All right?
1026
01:06:46,794 --> 01:06:49,087
Hey. What's the plan?
1027
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:53,299
l might as well find a phone and call Rex
1028
01:06:54,093 --> 01:06:58,096
-so he can get on with killing me.
-What about visiting your grandma?
1029
01:06:58,347 --> 01:07:01,808
Yeah, dude. You been putting off
visiting your grandma for too long.
1030
01:07:01,892 --> 01:07:05,145
-lt's about time you visited Grandma.
-Yeah.
1031
01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:10,442
Lance, you know,
l really do want to visit my grandma, but...
1032
01:07:10,526 --> 01:07:15,405
Dude, l really can't stress enough how
much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.
1033
01:07:15,781 --> 01:07:19,325
You know, l visit my grandma sometimes
two or three times a week,
1034
01:07:19,410 --> 01:07:22,620
and it is always a pleasure.
She's just a delight.
1035
01:07:22,747 --> 01:07:23,788
What am l supposed to do?
1036
01:07:23,873 --> 01:07:26,166
Our transportation is all over the floor
of that barn.
1037
01:07:26,250 --> 01:07:27,584
Hey, Mary!
1038
01:07:29,962 --> 01:07:30,962
Hi.
1039
01:07:34,717 --> 01:07:38,011
Wow, you look beautiful.
1040
01:07:38,471 --> 01:07:39,721
Oh, please.
1041
01:07:39,805 --> 01:07:45,018
l mean, seriously, you wearing that,
churning some butter. Sexy.
1042
01:07:45,102 --> 01:07:47,812
So l had the best time with you last night.
1043
01:07:47,897 --> 01:07:49,314
Yeah, me, too.
1044
01:07:49,398 --> 01:07:52,275
So you got my number.
You're gonna call me, right?
1045
01:07:53,444 --> 01:07:54,611
No.
1046
01:07:54,695 --> 01:07:55,737
(LAUGHS)
1047
01:07:55,821 --> 01:07:58,531
"No." You're funny.
1048
01:07:59,283 --> 01:08:04,996
l mean, Lance, l really like you,
but Rumspringa's over for me.
1049
01:08:05,831 --> 01:08:07,916
-So...
-Rumspringa!
1050
01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:09,000
(WHOOPlNG)
1051
01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:13,463
(CHlCKENS SQUAWKlNG)
1052
01:08:14,173 --> 01:08:15,548
Sorry.
1053
01:08:29,396 --> 01:08:31,064
(ENGlNE STARTlNG)
1054
01:08:41,492 --> 01:08:42,659
You fixed it?
1055
01:08:42,743 --> 01:08:46,246
Yeah, we hit a few snags,
but she's banging like a champ now.
1056
01:08:46,330 --> 01:08:49,165
Man, l don't even...
l don't even know what to say here.
1057
01:08:49,250 --> 01:08:51,626
You know, l don't really have much...
1058
01:08:51,710 --> 01:08:53,503
Oh, no, we're good. We're good.
1059
01:08:53,587 --> 01:08:57,298
l mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor,
that's a gift.
1060
01:08:57,675 --> 01:09:00,927
Man, you're too... Here, thanks.
Thank you so much.
1061
01:09:01,011 --> 01:09:02,637
-You're welcome.
-Thank you, it's really cool.
1062
01:09:02,721 --> 01:09:04,681
lt is. You know, l mean,
1063
01:09:04,765 --> 01:09:08,101
if you felt the need to reciprocate
in some way,
1064
01:09:08,185 --> 01:09:10,562
l mean, there's a lot of chores
that need to be done around here.
1065
01:09:10,646 --> 01:09:14,732
Yeah, no, the only thing about that is
we're kind of behind schedule right now.
1066
01:09:14,817 --> 01:09:16,818
Yeah, but, l mean,
we could totally come back.
1067
01:09:16,902 --> 01:09:19,195
-We could hit you on our way back through.
-Okay.
1068
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:21,906
Yeah, you should.
You should really get on the road.
1069
01:09:21,991 --> 01:09:26,828
l mean, you got a smooth-running
vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.
1070
01:09:26,912 --> 01:09:31,749
-Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good?
-We're good. Yeah, technically.
1071
01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:34,169
l mean, we fixed your car for free,
and you're leaving.
1072
01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:36,921
So l'd say that makes us dead square.
1073
01:09:38,299 --> 01:09:39,632
We'll come back. l promise.
1074
01:09:39,717 --> 01:09:43,011
-l'm looking forward to that.
-Hey, no, seriously, we will.
1075
01:09:43,095 --> 01:09:45,513
Okay. We'll all hold our breath
till you get back.
1076
01:09:45,598 --> 01:09:48,683
On three, guys. Three, two...
1077
01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:01,905
My stomach's killing me.
Tell me if you see a rest stop.
1078
01:10:02,781 --> 01:10:04,199
You know, l really feel sorry for Mary
1079
01:10:04,283 --> 01:10:08,119
because her lifestyle is keeping her
from being happy.
1080
01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:10,413
And that's no way to live.
1081
01:10:10,497 --> 01:10:14,292
Lance, don't you know your little theory of
"People want what they can't get."
1082
01:10:14,376 --> 01:10:16,794
That's all she is. lan, gas station.
1083
01:10:16,879 --> 01:10:21,799
No. Felicia, this is different okay,
because she changed me.
1084
01:10:21,884 --> 01:10:24,552
You know, l'm a butterfly now
because of her.
1085
01:10:24,637 --> 01:10:29,224
Because when l'm with her,
l was like a spiritually whole human being.
1086
01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:33,436
And if you don't believe that,
you can suck my dick.
1087
01:10:33,938 --> 01:10:36,147
(MESSAGE FROM YUZ PLAYING)
1088
01:10:53,457 --> 01:10:56,459
Fuck. l know you didn't take my car, lan.
1089
01:10:56,669 --> 01:10:58,461
'Cause you're a big, giant pussy.
That's right.
1090
01:10:58,545 --> 01:11:02,257
l'm gonna lift up this door
and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge
1091
01:11:02,341 --> 01:11:05,009
is gonna be sitting right there
gleaming at me,
1092
01:11:05,094 --> 01:11:08,179
or l'm gonna have the fucking
neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.
1093
01:11:22,695 --> 01:11:23,945
(MUTTERlNG)
1094
01:11:25,739 --> 01:11:26,906
Want some of this?
1095
01:11:32,454 --> 01:11:34,163
He took my fucking baby.
1096
01:11:36,166 --> 01:11:37,500
Cocksucker!
1097
01:11:41,672 --> 01:11:42,714
Shit!
1098
01:11:42,798 --> 01:11:46,467
Hey, Knievel, what say you get
your bike out of the fricking road?
1099
01:11:46,593 --> 01:11:49,095
(SINGING) Hey! Hey!
1100
01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:10,116
All ocupado, sport?
1101
01:12:15,414 --> 01:12:18,207
Sounds like
someone's got one in sideways.
1102
01:12:18,500 --> 01:12:20,084
(CHUCKLlNG)
1103
01:12:24,089 --> 01:12:25,256
Gents.
1104
01:12:25,883 --> 01:12:30,094
Well, looks like we're up.
Go on, get in there.
1105
01:12:35,768 --> 01:12:37,435
(GASPlNG)
1106
01:12:37,519 --> 01:12:38,519
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
1107
01:12:38,604 --> 01:12:39,604
Oh !
1108
01:12:40,564 --> 01:12:42,398
Am l getting a signal?
1109
01:12:43,942 --> 01:12:47,195
Tasty, l got sidetracked last night.
1110
01:12:48,280 --> 01:12:51,282
l had to party with some new homies.
1111
01:12:54,036 --> 01:12:58,247
Tonight, 8:00 p.m. at Big Boy.
1112
01:12:59,958 --> 01:13:01,709
l'm worth the wait.
1113
01:13:06,632 --> 01:13:07,632
Yes!
1114
01:13:15,724 --> 01:13:19,769
No! Oh, God ! No, thank you ! No, thank you !
1115
01:13:22,815 --> 01:13:26,359
Hello? Little buddy? Hello.
1116
01:13:28,153 --> 01:13:30,113
Spooner. Spooner. Spooner.
1117
01:13:32,783 --> 01:13:36,411
-LANCE: Was that you screaming in there?
-l don't want to talk about it. Ever.
1118
01:13:36,495 --> 01:13:39,539
-Where's Felicia?
-She went to get corn dogs.
1119
01:14:04,731 --> 01:14:07,024
Can you believe
the girls around here, man?
1120
01:14:07,109 --> 01:14:11,112
But, man, where am l ever gonna find
another girl as cool as Mary?
1121
01:14:14,324 --> 01:14:15,700
You like it?
1122
01:14:20,497 --> 01:14:23,040
-What about Felicia?
-What about her?
1123
01:14:26,503 --> 01:14:30,214
-She's into you.
-Yeah, no shit. Get in line.
1124
01:14:30,299 --> 01:14:33,009
What is that?
She's not good enough for you?
1125
01:14:33,093 --> 01:14:35,011
Felicia's awesome,
1126
01:14:35,095 --> 01:14:38,222
but the obvious statement to make here
is that you like her.
1127
01:14:39,057 --> 01:14:43,561
-What? No, l...
-You're shocked. You can't believe it.
1128
01:14:43,645 --> 01:14:48,024
-This bombshell. Come on.
-You know, she's not into me anyways.
1129
01:14:48,108 --> 01:14:52,195
Yeah, l know. But it doesn't matter.
l still... l could never do that to you.
1130
01:14:53,572 --> 01:14:57,366
Okay, but you do know
that she's not into you, right?
1131
01:14:57,451 --> 01:15:01,913
-Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know.
-No. No, no, l'm gonna stop you.
1132
01:15:01,997 --> 01:15:06,459
There's no maybe. Okay?
And l'm saying this as your best friend,
1133
01:15:06,543 --> 01:15:12,131
but never. Never fucking ever. You know?
1134
01:15:12,216 --> 01:15:13,466
Because you guys are friends.
1135
01:15:13,550 --> 01:15:17,261
You know what every girl
l've ever banged had in common?
1136
01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:20,640
l wasn't friends with any of them.
1137
01:15:20,724 --> 01:15:24,185
And usually they have awesome tits,
but not always.
1138
01:15:25,020 --> 01:15:27,897
Sometimes you get that bronze medal,
you know?
1139
01:15:27,981 --> 01:15:31,442
Real simple.
Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize.
1140
01:15:31,527 --> 01:15:35,071
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no height requirement.
1141
01:15:35,155 --> 01:15:38,866
Why don't you step up
and win your girlfriend a prize?
1142
01:15:38,951 --> 01:15:41,202
We're not... She's not my girlfriend.
1143
01:15:41,286 --> 01:15:44,413
-What about your other girlfriend there?
-Nice.
1144
01:16:02,057 --> 01:16:03,849
All right, come on, lan. You can do it.
1145
01:16:03,934 --> 01:16:07,103
Come on, you're almost there!
You're almost there! Go, go, go!
1146
01:16:07,312 --> 01:16:09,105
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE:
Winner! Winner! Winner!
1147
01:16:10,482 --> 01:16:12,858
-That was awesome.
-How the hell did you do that?
1148
01:16:12,943 --> 01:16:15,111
We had one of these at Cub Scout camp.
l kind of mastered it.
1149
01:16:15,195 --> 01:16:17,238
Yeah, you think you're hot shit?
1150
01:16:19,283 --> 01:16:22,201
-Lolly?
-Thank you.
1151
01:16:25,956 --> 01:16:27,665
Hey, hey, hey, ass.
1152
01:16:31,211 --> 01:16:33,212
Hey. What's your secret?
1153
01:16:33,297 --> 01:16:36,090
You just...
lf you keep your shoulders down...
1154
01:16:36,174 --> 01:16:38,843
-No coaching.
-What?
1155
01:16:39,261 --> 01:16:41,637
No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.
1156
01:16:42,889 --> 01:16:44,307
No coaching.
1157
01:16:46,643 --> 01:16:48,269
Cheese and rice!
1158
01:16:48,812 --> 01:16:49,812
Oh !
1159
01:16:51,231 --> 01:16:54,567
-Thanks. l'm Sandy.
-l'm lan.
1160
01:16:55,152 --> 01:16:56,402
-Hi.
-Hey.
1161
01:17:00,365 --> 01:17:04,577
-Consolation prize?
-Wow! Thank you so much.
1162
01:17:04,661 --> 01:17:07,330
You know, my dance team's performing
over at the tent in a couple of minutes.
1163
01:17:07,414 --> 01:17:08,789
You guys should come watch.
1164
01:17:08,874 --> 01:17:11,667
-Actually, we were just about to go.
-That sounds super fun. He'll be there.
1165
01:17:11,752 --> 01:17:13,419
Great. See you.
1166
01:17:14,671 --> 01:17:16,881
Dude, that girl reeks of sex.
1167
01:17:17,716 --> 01:17:19,216
-Really?
-Yeah.
1168
01:17:19,468 --> 01:17:22,637
Hey, Harry Potter,
take you and your girlfriends out of here.
1169
01:17:24,389 --> 01:17:28,142
What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres?
l will crush you.
1170
01:17:28,727 --> 01:17:31,354
That's right. l'm not afraid to hit a lady.
1171
01:17:31,730 --> 01:17:33,022
(MY PREROGATIVE PLAYING)
1172
01:17:33,231 --> 01:17:36,317
(SINGING)
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
1173
01:17:36,860 --> 01:17:39,904
Why don't they just let me live?
1174
01:17:41,198 --> 01:17:42,615
I don't need permission
1175
01:17:42,699 --> 01:17:44,575
-Do we really have time for...
-Hey, hey.
1176
01:17:44,660 --> 01:17:46,327
You have to stop doing that to him.
1177
01:17:46,411 --> 01:17:48,329
-Doing what?
-Twat blocking.
1178
01:17:48,413 --> 01:17:51,582
l'm not twat... Doing that.
1179
01:18:00,425 --> 01:18:04,762
Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers!
1180
01:18:05,847 --> 01:18:09,183
Come on, girls,
let's help me get some fellas up in here.
1181
01:18:11,061 --> 01:18:12,311
-lan.
-Oh, no. Please.
1182
01:18:12,396 --> 01:18:14,438
Get up there. Come on.
1183
01:18:14,523 --> 01:18:15,773
SANDY: Come on !
1184
01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:18,401
KAT: In the back! In the back!
1185
01:18:18,694 --> 01:18:20,778
Yeah!
1186
01:18:24,074 --> 01:18:26,075
Come on, two more, two more!
1187
01:18:28,161 --> 01:18:29,161
Yeah!
1188
01:18:31,039 --> 01:18:32,081
(LAUGHlNG)
1189
01:18:32,165 --> 01:18:33,708
Dude, turn around.
1190
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:35,376
(KAT WHOOPING)
1191
01:18:39,715 --> 01:18:41,215
(LAUGHlNG)
1192
01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:47,471
Look at this fine crop
of handsome fellas I got here.
1193
01:18:49,141 --> 01:18:51,851
But before we get down to business,
1194
01:18:51,935 --> 01:18:53,436
there's a young woman here
1195
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:56,522
who would like to share her story
with these young men.
1196
01:18:56,606 --> 01:19:00,609
-Kristy, you ready, baby?
-Okay.
1197
01:19:03,447 --> 01:19:07,700
So, last year I was at a dance
with my boyfriend.
1198
01:19:07,784 --> 01:19:09,869
He wanted to go to his car.
1199
01:19:10,537 --> 01:19:11,829
So I did.
1200
01:19:12,330 --> 01:19:17,835
So we were both naked in the back seat
and we started having oral...
1201
01:19:20,172 --> 01:19:22,840
(lNAUDlBLE)
1202
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:43,778
MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER: Yeah!
1203
01:19:56,875 --> 01:19:58,793
Daddy likes that!
1204
01:20:01,213 --> 01:20:02,338
Excuse me!
1205
01:20:02,714 --> 01:20:08,093
Excuse me!
Is this tragic story turning you on?
1206
01:20:09,554 --> 01:20:11,889
(LAUGHlNG)
1207
01:20:18,063 --> 01:20:23,317
This courageous young lady pours
her heart out and this is getting you hot?
1208
01:20:23,985 --> 01:20:26,362
It's time for you to pledge. Right now!
1209
01:20:26,863 --> 01:20:29,740
Boy, you need this more than anybody.
1210
01:20:31,076 --> 01:20:33,244
Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain.
1211
01:20:34,746 --> 01:20:39,208
l can't believe you took
a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on.
1212
01:20:39,376 --> 01:20:40,417
lt's classic.
1213
01:20:40,502 --> 01:20:43,671
Look, l didn't even know what she was
talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?
1214
01:20:43,755 --> 01:20:45,631
-lan ! Hey!
-lt gets better.
1215
01:20:45,715 --> 01:20:47,591
l am so proud of you !
1216
01:20:48,093 --> 01:20:49,677
Get away from me. ls that what you do?
1217
01:20:49,761 --> 01:20:53,097
You go out and you lure little dorks like me
into your little no-having-sex club?
1218
01:20:53,181 --> 01:20:55,182
lan, it's not like that at all.
1219
01:20:55,267 --> 01:20:57,935
Just go away. Now.
1220
01:21:01,773 --> 01:21:04,692
-l would've eaten your asshole, you know.
-Really?
1221
01:21:04,776 --> 01:21:05,860
-Oh, man.
-Wow.
1222
01:21:05,944 --> 01:21:08,988
You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!
1223
01:21:11,741 --> 01:21:13,993
-You are dead, psycho-virgin !
-No, no!
1224
01:21:14,077 --> 01:21:15,995
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1225
01:21:19,082 --> 01:21:23,502
Hey, are you sure you want to get
dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?
1226
01:21:24,629 --> 01:21:26,964
Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like.
1227
01:21:27,048 --> 01:21:28,549
-Thank you.
-Welcome.
1228
01:21:28,633 --> 01:21:30,676
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
1229
01:21:41,479 --> 01:21:44,773
Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,
1230
01:21:44,858 --> 01:21:47,484
and l never should've tossed my shoes.
1231
01:21:47,819 --> 01:21:51,697
No, come on.
l love that your shoes are in that tree.
1232
01:21:54,409 --> 01:21:57,328
l do. That's premium Felicia.
1233
01:21:58,580 --> 01:22:00,080
DOCTOR: Felicia Alpine.
1234
01:22:01,124 --> 01:22:02,124
Oh.
1235
01:22:02,959 --> 01:22:07,129
-So what'd you do to her?
-Hmm?
1236
01:22:07,213 --> 01:22:08,339
Smack her around a little bit?
1237
01:22:08,673 --> 01:22:10,549
She gets out of line, you pop her one?
1238
01:22:10,634 --> 01:22:14,261
-No. No, sir, l...
-l got you. l'm just teasing you, man.
1239
01:22:14,346 --> 01:22:15,971
We have fun.
1240
01:22:16,932 --> 01:22:18,974
-He didn't, though, did he?
-Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
1241
01:22:19,059 --> 01:22:21,560
Blink twice if you feel you're in danger.
1242
01:22:22,896 --> 01:22:24,980
Be back in a couple minutes.
l'm gonna wait for that to numb up.
1243
01:22:25,065 --> 01:22:26,106
Mmm-hmm.
1244
01:22:26,191 --> 01:22:28,192
Hands to yourself, O.J.
1245
01:22:30,195 --> 01:22:34,281
lan, you know the other night
at Lance's party?
1246
01:22:36,993 --> 01:22:40,037
-Was l there?
-No, come on.
1247
01:22:41,581 --> 01:22:43,457
Here.
1248
01:22:47,045 --> 01:22:53,008
l mean, you know the only reason is
because l don't want to ruin our friendship.
1249
01:22:54,219 --> 01:22:58,430
Totally, l mean friendship is awesome.
Good call.
1250
01:22:59,641 --> 01:23:03,727
l don't know what l'd do if l ever lost you.
1251
01:23:11,319 --> 01:23:15,906
-You won't.
-What are you thinking about?
1252
01:23:18,284 --> 01:23:21,370
-What are you thinking about?
-l asked you first.
1253
01:23:25,917 --> 01:23:27,084
You got a little loogie.
1254
01:23:27,168 --> 01:23:28,419
(GRUNTlNG)
1255
01:23:30,171 --> 01:23:32,172
l'm gonna go see if Lance...
1256
01:23:32,257 --> 01:23:33,298
Mmm-hmm.
1257
01:23:33,383 --> 01:23:34,925
Go. Go.
1258
01:23:47,147 --> 01:23:50,691
Um, l'll take these as well.
1259
01:23:54,904 --> 01:23:59,450
They're not for me. They're not.
1260
01:24:08,126 --> 01:24:10,919
-Heads up.
-What's with you?
1261
01:24:12,797 --> 01:24:14,840
l'm thinking maybe we head back home.
1262
01:24:14,924 --> 01:24:16,675
What? Why?
1263
01:24:16,926 --> 01:24:20,512
Well, Felicia and l were talking in there,
1264
01:24:20,597 --> 01:24:24,308
-and we kind of had a moment.
-Oh ! Oh, did you guys have a little moment?
1265
01:24:24,392 --> 01:24:25,976
-Yeah.
-You're a moron.
1266
01:24:26,644 --> 01:24:29,146
Fuck you. We've talked about this.
1267
01:24:29,481 --> 01:24:32,649
Look, we're almost there,
and l'm not letting her do this.
1268
01:24:32,734 --> 01:24:35,778
We're going to Knoxville,
and you're getting your nut.
1269
01:24:36,488 --> 01:24:38,572
No, l'm not. l'm not.
1270
01:24:38,656 --> 01:24:41,408
No, l'm gonna text Tasty,
and l'm gonna tell her l'm not coming.
1271
01:24:41,493 --> 01:24:44,787
-lan, get in this car.
-l'm not doing it. l'm not doing it.
1272
01:24:45,246 --> 01:24:49,750
Shit, where's my phone?
Hey, you got a new smile.
1273
01:24:49,834 --> 01:24:53,170
You have my phone. l didn't know...
This is for you.
1274
01:24:54,798 --> 01:24:56,090
Mmm ! A message came in.
1275
01:24:56,299 --> 01:24:59,176
Your grandma says she's really excited
to see you.
1276
01:24:59,260 --> 01:25:01,595
And something about her hot,
shaved pussy.
1277
01:25:01,679 --> 01:25:02,971
Must be the cancer talking.
1278
01:25:03,056 --> 01:25:04,098
(LANCE LAUGHS)
1279
01:25:04,182 --> 01:25:07,101
All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.
1280
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:08,644
(GIVE UP? PLAYlNG)
1281
01:25:09,854 --> 01:25:14,775
(SINGING)
All I've got is frustration, frustration
1282
01:25:15,318 --> 01:25:18,529
I hate this vacation
1283
01:25:19,155 --> 01:25:21,615
So, give up, give up
Give up, give up
1284
01:25:22,826 --> 01:25:26,453
I've got to get away from here
It's killing me just thinking 'bout
1285
01:25:26,538 --> 01:25:31,458
Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...
1286
01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:34,044
lan, you're going the wrong way.
1287
01:25:34,295 --> 01:25:36,255
-We're going home.
-What?
1288
01:25:36,840 --> 01:25:39,800
Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.
1289
01:25:39,884 --> 01:25:42,219
-Yeah, no shit.
-l'm dying to see Ms. Tasty.
1290
01:25:42,303 --> 01:25:43,637
This is going to be hilarious.
1291
01:25:43,721 --> 01:25:46,181
A hundred bucks says she has a wiener.
1292
01:25:46,266 --> 01:25:49,143
Look, l said we're going home.
l don't want to talk about it.
1293
01:25:49,227 --> 01:25:50,811
l knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.
1294
01:25:50,895 --> 01:25:54,314
(LlSPlNG) Me? You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.
1295
01:25:54,399 --> 01:25:56,733
-No, we're not.
-Okay. You stole Rex's car.
1296
01:25:56,818 --> 01:25:58,485
You drove halfway across the country.
1297
01:25:58,570 --> 01:26:01,572
This must be what you want to do.
So do it, chicken shit!
1298
01:26:01,656 --> 01:26:04,032
-(LlSPlNG) Fucking A, chicken shit.
-Fine! You know what?
1299
01:26:04,117 --> 01:26:07,119
l'll turn the car around, l'll flip a bitch,
and l'll go pork somebody. Right now.
1300
01:26:07,203 --> 01:26:08,662
l'll be that guy. ls that what you want?
1301
01:26:08,746 --> 01:26:10,497
-Be that guy! That guy rules.
-FELlClA: Sounds awesome.
1302
01:26:10,582 --> 01:26:14,209
-That would make me so happy.
-All right. All right. Fantastic! l'm doing it.
1303
01:26:14,377 --> 01:26:17,296
LANCE: Watch out, lan ! Fuck!
FELlClA: Watch it, lan !
1304
01:26:19,507 --> 01:26:20,632
Whoo!
1305
01:26:20,717 --> 01:26:21,717
(LAUGHlNG)
1306
01:26:21,801 --> 01:26:24,344
-lAN: You like that?
-Did your fucking balls just drop?
1307
01:26:24,429 --> 01:26:25,929
Holy shit, lan.
1308
01:26:26,848 --> 01:26:33,562
-Oh, man, it's this douche again.
-You want it? You got it.
1309
01:26:34,606 --> 01:26:36,565
-Hold on to your pantyhose.
-Okay, we gotta work on your banter,
1310
01:26:36,649 --> 01:26:38,859
but otherwise, this is awesome.
1311
01:26:38,943 --> 01:26:40,611
(DANGER ZONE PLAYING)
1312
01:26:41,821 --> 01:26:44,615
-You're losing him.
-No, l got him. l got him.
1313
01:26:47,035 --> 01:26:50,787
-Jesus, lan ! Not so close.
-God damn it!
1314
01:26:55,335 --> 01:26:57,294
No way, man ! You're dead.
1315
01:26:59,297 --> 01:27:01,215
Sorry. He's all right.
1316
01:27:01,799 --> 01:27:04,426
LANCE: This guy's fucking dangerous!
1317
01:27:09,974 --> 01:27:11,642
Where is he? Talk to me, dudes.
1318
01:27:11,768 --> 01:27:14,353
Right up our ass. He's in our ass.
1319
01:27:19,025 --> 01:27:22,236
-LANCE: He's tagging out.
-Ladies!
1320
01:27:22,320 --> 01:27:23,320
lan, look out!
1321
01:27:23,404 --> 01:27:24,488
(THUDDlNG)
1322
01:27:29,577 --> 01:27:30,869
Oh ! Oh !
1323
01:27:30,954 --> 01:27:32,120
God damn it.
1324
01:27:33,873 --> 01:27:37,626
What were you doing, man? Shit.
1325
01:27:39,170 --> 01:27:41,755
Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault.
He jumped right in front of you.
1326
01:27:41,839 --> 01:27:44,758
Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault.
1327
01:27:45,093 --> 01:27:46,551
Now, come on, man,
this possum's not gonna fuck you.
1328
01:27:46,636 --> 01:27:48,178
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.
1329
01:27:48,263 --> 01:27:52,641
He's suffering, Lance. l'm not gonna
leave him here by himself. Okay?
1330
01:27:53,893 --> 01:27:56,645
Okay. You're right.
1331
01:27:58,564 --> 01:28:01,858
We gotta help him.
We gotta call a vet or something.
1332
01:28:02,402 --> 01:28:07,489
lan, look at him.
There's not a lot that we can do.
1333
01:28:09,200 --> 01:28:11,868
You may want to cover your eyes,
sweetheart, there could be some splatter.
1334
01:28:11,953 --> 01:28:15,122
-What the fuck are you doing?
-l'm gonna take him out of his misery.
1335
01:28:15,206 --> 01:28:18,709
They don't make little wheelchairs for him.
He's done, man.
1336
01:28:18,793 --> 01:28:22,546
lAN: Fuck you, Lance.
God, you don't even give a shit about him.
1337
01:28:23,840 --> 01:28:25,215
l'll do it.
1338
01:28:34,392 --> 01:28:35,726
l'm sorry.
1339
01:28:36,894 --> 01:28:38,312
(GRUNTS)
1340
01:28:39,981 --> 01:28:41,773
LANCE: All possums go to heaven.
1341
01:28:43,026 --> 01:28:48,822
Uh... lan. lt... l think it's still...
1342
01:28:49,949 --> 01:28:51,366
Shit.
1343
01:28:58,541 --> 01:29:00,459
Oh, no.
1344
01:29:01,210 --> 01:29:04,421
lan, l'm so sorry, it's...
1345
01:29:04,505 --> 01:29:10,469
Oh, God ! Jesus fucking... God damn it!
l'm trying to do the right thing here.
1346
01:29:11,137 --> 01:29:15,849
-He's really hanging in there.
-God ! Fuck!
1347
01:29:16,768 --> 01:29:20,729
You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby
has got to be about a year old now.
1348
01:29:20,813 --> 01:29:22,356
l can't believe she had a fucking baby.
1349
01:29:22,440 --> 01:29:23,440
(SlREN WAlLlNG)
1350
01:29:27,278 --> 01:29:28,612
(GROANS)
1351
01:29:30,031 --> 01:29:32,032
How was l supposed to know
it was an endangered possum?
1352
01:29:32,116 --> 01:29:34,785
You know, the vet said there's actually
a good chance he might pull through.
1353
01:29:34,869 --> 01:29:37,371
You better hope so, mister. Get in.
1354
01:29:39,457 --> 01:29:40,957
Lock up cell B.
1355
01:29:46,881 --> 01:29:48,423
We are in jail.
1356
01:29:57,725 --> 01:30:00,644
Okay, listen, you have got to be cool,
'cause if they see you shitting yourself
1357
01:30:00,728 --> 01:30:01,770
they're gonna fuck with us.
1358
01:30:01,854 --> 01:30:03,855
Hey! Hey, ladies.
1359
01:30:04,107 --> 01:30:07,651
Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down
before me and you have a problem?
1360
01:30:07,735 --> 01:30:11,446
How about you just chill out, man?
Be cool.
1361
01:30:11,531 --> 01:30:14,074
-All right. We good?
-Yeah, we're good.
1362
01:30:25,670 --> 01:30:30,549
-Excuse me.
-Listen, old man, l'm only gonna tell you...
1363
01:30:32,343 --> 01:30:34,719
You should've seen the look in his eyes.
1364
01:30:35,304 --> 01:30:38,140
His heart was breaking
for this poor little thing.
1365
01:30:38,349 --> 01:30:43,061
Shit, that boy lan don't seem
like he got no balls at all.
1366
01:30:43,146 --> 01:30:46,940
Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some
over a suffering critter?
1367
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:49,443
l think that's real sweet.
1368
01:30:49,527 --> 01:30:52,779
Well, l say this Lance,
he sounds like a real hunk of man.
1369
01:30:53,281 --> 01:30:56,867
The only way you can keep his kind around
is to get his babies up in you pronto.
1370
01:30:56,951 --> 01:30:59,369
But he got no respect for bitches.
1371
01:31:00,204 --> 01:31:04,916
Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches.
None whatsoever.
1372
01:31:06,169 --> 01:31:08,587
You love lan, don't you, baby?
1373
01:31:11,674 --> 01:31:16,219
Well, it's just we've been best friends
since we were really little,
1374
01:31:16,721 --> 01:31:20,223
and l don't know, he's the only person
l can really talk to, you know?
1375
01:31:20,516 --> 01:31:23,059
You give your heart to that boy,
1376
01:31:23,144 --> 01:31:28,482
and you can toss that "friendship" right out
the motherfucking window.
1377
01:31:28,566 --> 01:31:34,196
When l was a girl, my best friend was
a fella named Creighton McDaniel.
1378
01:31:35,156 --> 01:31:40,744
We used to stay up all night just talking
and laughing and carrying on.
1379
01:31:41,913 --> 01:31:46,625
Then one day l got it into my head
that we ought to be more than friends.
1380
01:31:46,709 --> 01:31:49,044
So l tell him l love him.
1381
01:31:49,587 --> 01:31:51,087
What happened?
1382
01:31:54,217 --> 01:31:55,884
We dated for a few weeks.
1383
01:31:55,968 --> 01:31:57,010
(FARTlNG)
1384
01:31:57,094 --> 01:31:59,471
Then he met a gal over in Wofford.
1385
01:32:00,848 --> 01:32:03,183
We still talk from time to time.
1386
01:32:04,352 --> 01:32:06,895
But it was never the same between us.
1387
01:32:10,733 --> 01:32:12,234
(FARTlNG)
1388
01:32:14,195 --> 01:32:20,492
Baby. Come here.
Come on, now. Come on, now.
1389
01:32:22,453 --> 01:32:25,789
You know you need a hug.
Come on, honey.
1390
01:32:26,123 --> 01:32:27,165
(CONTlNUES FARTlNG)
1391
01:32:27,250 --> 01:32:28,792
Cuddle up.
1392
01:32:29,835 --> 01:32:31,086
(URlNATlNG)
1393
01:32:32,838 --> 01:32:33,838
LANCE: Dude.
1394
01:32:35,216 --> 01:32:38,843
-What?
-Look, you're pissing in front of everybody.
1395
01:32:41,639 --> 01:32:43,223
Yeah, l am.
1396
01:32:43,307 --> 01:32:46,601
-And that guy's looking right at your dick.
-Atta-boy.
1397
01:32:47,728 --> 01:32:48,770
(FLUSHlNG)
1398
01:32:48,854 --> 01:32:52,440
-Look at you. You're a new man.
-No, l'm not.
1399
01:32:52,650 --> 01:32:57,279
Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly,
1400
01:32:57,363 --> 01:33:00,407
you got arrested, you got in a prison fight.
1401
01:33:01,158 --> 01:33:03,076
See Duane, he was there.
1402
01:33:03,160 --> 01:33:05,745
And l mean, you really beat
an endangered species to death today.
1403
01:33:05,830 --> 01:33:07,497
That's got to count for something.
1404
01:33:07,582 --> 01:33:11,793
And now you're in here in jail pissing
like a big dog in front of all the perverts.
1405
01:33:11,877 --> 01:33:13,503
l mean, there's only one thing left.
1406
01:33:13,588 --> 01:33:16,840
Yeah, well, that's out.
l was supposed to meet her two hours ago.
1407
01:33:18,092 --> 01:33:19,926
Dude, when we get out of here,
just tell her you got pinched.
1408
01:33:20,011 --> 01:33:23,346
She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it totally is.
1409
01:33:24,348 --> 01:33:27,350
Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted.
1410
01:33:27,560 --> 01:33:28,602
Really?
1411
01:33:28,769 --> 01:33:32,772
-Time to go.
-Shit!
1412
01:33:32,857 --> 01:33:35,317
-What?
-Rex.
1413
01:33:35,610 --> 01:33:36,610
Oh.
1414
01:33:38,738 --> 01:33:40,864
All right, this is it for us, Duane,
1415
01:33:40,948 --> 01:33:42,782
but, you know, back to what we were
talking about earlier,
1416
01:33:42,867 --> 01:33:44,951
l don't give a shit what Denise says,
1417
01:33:45,036 --> 01:33:47,621
l think there's still room for somebody
to write the great American novel.
1418
01:33:47,705 --> 01:33:50,707
So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy.
1419
01:33:59,050 --> 01:34:00,175
Hey.
1420
01:34:01,927 --> 01:34:03,428
Mary!
1421
01:34:03,763 --> 01:34:05,180
(PEOPLE LAUGHlNG)
1422
01:34:08,267 --> 01:34:10,185
Wait. Wait. How did you find me?
1423
01:34:10,269 --> 01:34:13,313
Well, l called your cell phone,
and then someone answered here.
1424
01:34:13,397 --> 01:34:18,735
-That's awesome. Okay.
-Are you okay? Why are you in jail?
1425
01:34:21,113 --> 01:34:22,113
l mean, there's a number of charges,
1426
01:34:22,198 --> 01:34:24,366
but the most prominent ones
were animal cruelty
1427
01:34:24,450 --> 01:34:26,493
and the assaulting the officer.
1428
01:34:26,577 --> 01:34:29,162
But it's not nearly as bad
as it sounds on paper, okay? l promise.
1429
01:34:29,246 --> 01:34:32,290
-Okay.
-Okay. Wait right here. Okay.
1430
01:34:34,126 --> 01:34:35,627
-Teddy.
-Lance, my man.
1431
01:34:35,711 --> 01:34:37,962
-You guys got my stuff?
-lt's gonna be a few minutes.
1432
01:34:38,047 --> 01:34:39,089
All right.
1433
01:34:39,173 --> 01:34:40,965
-Your daughter still selling those cookies?
-Yes.
1434
01:34:41,050 --> 01:34:43,677
You find me that wallet, l'll buy one.
1435
01:34:43,761 --> 01:34:45,762
-That'd be nice of you.
-How is she now?
1436
01:34:45,846 --> 01:34:49,891
l'm just fucking with you.
l don't need one more charge brought.
1437
01:35:04,782 --> 01:35:06,741
(FLYING HIGH PLAYING)
1438
01:35:16,585 --> 01:35:19,838
(SINGING) You can't know, oh, no
You can't know
1439
01:35:19,922 --> 01:35:25,552
How much I think about you, no
1440
01:35:26,637 --> 01:35:29,723
It's making my head spin
1441
01:35:32,893 --> 01:35:36,354
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
1442
01:35:36,439 --> 01:35:39,983
And we both know what we want
1443
01:35:42,987 --> 01:35:44,988
So close to giving in
1444
01:35:46,782 --> 01:35:53,663
lan, don't do this. No,
don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy.
1445
01:35:54,331 --> 01:35:56,583
Yeah, well, that's why l'm still a virgin.
1446
01:35:56,667 --> 01:36:01,463
So what if you're a virgin?
God, lan, it's just sex. lt's not...
1447
01:36:01,547 --> 01:36:06,718
No, Felicia, it's not about the sex.
lt's not. l'm weird.
1448
01:36:06,802 --> 01:36:10,513
l'm the only virgin l know.
l need to get this done
1449
01:36:11,182 --> 01:36:14,100
so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.
1450
01:36:14,518 --> 01:36:17,353
Look, l know you don't approve,
but l'm sorry, l just...
1451
01:36:17,438 --> 01:36:19,022
l'm not going home a virgin.
1452
01:36:19,106 --> 01:36:20,982
Then, sport, fuck me.
1453
01:36:23,360 --> 01:36:24,527
What?
1454
01:36:26,363 --> 01:36:29,032
Sport, fuck me and not some stranger.
1455
01:36:30,201 --> 01:36:33,661
We're friends so you know
you're not gonna get some, like,
1456
01:36:33,746 --> 01:36:37,999
crabs or genital warts
or some pussing thing that's coming...
1457
01:36:38,083 --> 01:36:40,627
Wow, Leesh. That's hot!
1458
01:36:43,005 --> 01:36:44,547
You know what?
1459
01:36:45,549 --> 01:36:49,677
l think l'd rather stay a virgin forever
than lose it on pity-sex.
1460
01:36:50,304 --> 01:36:53,223
-l'm not talking about pity-sex.
-Then what are you talking about?
1461
01:36:53,307 --> 01:36:56,434
l don't know. Sex.
1462
01:36:57,144 --> 01:37:03,149
lt doesn't have to mean anything.
lt doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.
1463
01:37:03,567 --> 01:37:04,567
Ah !
1464
01:37:04,652 --> 01:37:07,403
Leesh, you know what?
Fuck the friendship!
1465
01:37:08,239 --> 01:37:09,989
l'm sorry, l just can't do it.
1466
01:37:10,074 --> 01:37:14,202
l can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore. l can't...
1467
01:37:14,578 --> 01:37:16,955
l can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up
in the middle of the night,
1468
01:37:17,039 --> 01:37:21,417
and you're gonna cry to because
Derrick Dicottes found some other girl.
1469
01:37:22,586 --> 01:37:26,631
And maybe l'm just being selfish here,
but it is not enough.
1470
01:37:26,715 --> 01:37:30,093
Okay, so l'm gonna go out that door,
and l'm gonna go have meaningless sex
1471
01:37:30,177 --> 01:37:35,265
with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully
female person that l met on the lnternet.
1472
01:37:37,351 --> 01:37:40,103
Unless you've got something better
to say to me.
1473
01:37:54,118 --> 01:37:55,326
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
1474
01:37:57,413 --> 01:37:59,289
That's what l thought.
1475
01:38:28,360 --> 01:38:29,861
Cyclops.
1476
01:38:33,282 --> 01:38:37,118
-How'd you find me?
-You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick?
1477
01:38:38,787 --> 01:38:40,079
(SIREN WAILING)
1478
01:38:40,789 --> 01:38:42,415
(DISCO INFERNO PLAYING)
1479
01:38:42,499 --> 01:38:43,625
Come here.
1480
01:38:43,709 --> 01:38:46,544
(SINGING) Burn that mother down, y'all
1481
01:38:46,795 --> 01:38:48,171
Burn, baby, burn
1482
01:38:48,422 --> 01:38:50,256
Disco inferno
1483
01:38:50,341 --> 01:38:51,841
Burn, baby, burn
1484
01:38:51,926 --> 01:38:52,926
Burn that mother down
1485
01:38:53,010 --> 01:38:55,845
Come on, Rex, wait. The girl...
The one l told you about from the lnternet.
1486
01:38:55,930 --> 01:38:59,307
She's right across the street, Rex.
She wants to do it with me and everything.
1487
01:38:59,391 --> 01:39:01,142
Like l give a shit!
1488
01:39:07,858 --> 01:39:09,233
(SCREAMlNG)
1489
01:39:13,989 --> 01:39:15,865
Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.
1490
01:39:15,950 --> 01:39:17,617
Okay. Okay, fine.
1491
01:39:17,868 --> 01:39:19,869
Now!
1492
01:39:19,954 --> 01:39:21,829
lt probably wouldn't have changed
1493
01:39:21,914 --> 01:39:25,375
all these feelings
that l've been having lately anyway.
1494
01:39:27,002 --> 01:39:29,462
What are you talking about?
1495
01:39:29,546 --> 01:39:33,424
l don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings,
1496
01:39:35,052 --> 01:39:40,056
curiosity about men.
1497
01:39:42,559 --> 01:39:44,185
Oh, shit, lan !
1498
01:39:45,562 --> 01:39:50,566
l think you might be right.
l think l might be getting gay.
1499
01:39:50,776 --> 01:39:55,279
God damn it. Fuck!
1500
01:39:56,573 --> 01:39:59,867
But l just haven't had
any luck with girls, Rex.
1501
01:39:59,952 --> 01:40:03,913
No way! No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.
1502
01:40:10,629 --> 01:40:13,840
All right, you take the car,
1503
01:40:14,758 --> 01:40:17,510
and you go bang the female woman
like the good Lord intended.
1504
01:40:17,594 --> 01:40:19,095
You've got one hour!
1505
01:40:20,014 --> 01:40:21,931
-lan.
-Yeah?
1506
01:40:24,268 --> 01:40:26,102
Fill up the tank, would you, buddy?
1507
01:40:26,186 --> 01:40:28,771
-Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks.
-Right.
1508
01:40:50,794 --> 01:40:55,089
Hey, man. You looking for somebody?
1509
01:40:59,011 --> 01:41:00,303
Ms. Tasty.
1510
01:41:01,597 --> 01:41:02,805
MS. TASTY: lan?
1511
01:41:09,146 --> 01:41:12,398
Oh, my gosh ! Hey.
1512
01:41:12,483 --> 01:41:14,817
l was sure you were standing me up.
1513
01:41:16,236 --> 01:41:20,823
-But here you are. Look at you.
-See you.
1514
01:41:20,908 --> 01:41:23,910
You look a little different than your picture.
1515
01:41:23,994 --> 01:41:27,622
Yeah, l know. l lost a lot of weight
'cause l had the runs... The flu.
1516
01:41:29,249 --> 01:41:33,795
Well, you're mighty cute,
and your car is really pretty.
1517
01:41:34,671 --> 01:41:36,506
Why don't you take me for a ride?
1518
01:41:42,304 --> 01:41:46,057
So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name?
1519
01:41:47,476 --> 01:41:53,606
-How about l tell you after?
-Yeah, sure.
1520
01:41:55,609 --> 01:41:57,235
Works for me.
1521
01:42:03,367 --> 01:42:04,408
(ATLANTIS PLAYlNG)
1522
01:42:04,493 --> 01:42:11,290
(SINGING) ...below the ocean
Where I wanna be
1523
01:42:11,959 --> 01:42:13,960
She may be
1524
01:42:14,044 --> 01:42:17,421
Way down below the ocean...
1525
01:42:17,506 --> 01:42:20,633
-No, Mary, wait.
-What?
1526
01:42:20,717 --> 01:42:24,137
-What's wrong?
-Nothing. l mean...
1527
01:42:24,721 --> 01:42:28,850
Nothing, l just... l really like you,
1528
01:42:31,562 --> 01:42:35,940
and l don't want to ruin this. You know?
1529
01:42:36,817 --> 01:42:41,821
But, hey, maybe you could come
to Chicago and we could hang out
1530
01:42:41,905 --> 01:42:43,739
-and take it a little...
-No.
1531
01:42:43,824 --> 01:42:47,660
Lance, it doesn't work like that.
1532
01:42:51,081 --> 01:42:54,542
And, l mean, if l don't go back,
l'm gonna be shunned.
1533
01:42:56,003 --> 01:42:58,296
l could never see my family again.
1534
01:42:59,882 --> 01:43:04,260
-This Amish thing is a real motherfucker.
-Yeah, tell me about it.
1535
01:43:13,353 --> 01:43:15,062
-lan.
-Yeah.
1536
01:43:15,147 --> 01:43:17,398
l think we should take our clothes off.
1537
01:43:19,276 --> 01:43:21,027
Wow. Really? Right here?
1538
01:43:21,111 --> 01:43:22,111
Mmm-hmm.
1539
01:43:22,571 --> 01:43:25,740
No one's around for miles. Come on.
1540
01:43:26,617 --> 01:43:27,783
Okay.
1541
01:43:36,168 --> 01:43:39,629
-What do you think?
-Thank you.
1542
01:43:41,298 --> 01:43:46,802
That is one of the better sets
that l've seen today.
1543
01:43:47,221 --> 01:43:49,430
l appreciate your honesty.
1544
01:43:50,432 --> 01:43:51,641
They're nice.
1545
01:43:52,392 --> 01:43:54,018
Really?
1546
01:43:54,102 --> 01:43:56,687
You're fit.
1547
01:43:56,772 --> 01:44:00,733
-You're so sweet.
-Yeah.
1548
01:44:02,569 --> 01:44:06,072
l think we should
take your clothes off now.
1549
01:44:06,156 --> 01:44:09,367
Yeah, maybe we should.
1550
01:44:09,451 --> 01:44:14,497
-l don't play football !
-Okay.
1551
01:44:14,581 --> 01:44:16,832
l... l really don't.
l mean, l don't really even watch football.
1552
01:44:16,917 --> 01:44:19,043
l mean, l got all that stuff
from Friday Night Lights,
1553
01:44:19,127 --> 01:44:22,088
which is a show. lt's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.
1554
01:44:22,172 --> 01:44:24,131
-l don't know if you saw it, but...
-lan.
1555
01:44:24,216 --> 01:44:30,263
What? You think everything in my profile's
the God's honest truth? No.
1556
01:44:30,347 --> 01:44:33,266
Now, come on, take your clothes off.
1557
01:44:35,686 --> 01:44:40,314
Look, there's this girl...
1558
01:44:41,358 --> 01:44:45,611
lan, this can be our little secret.
No one has to know.
1559
01:44:47,155 --> 01:44:48,656
Now come here.
1560
01:45:02,087 --> 01:45:07,133
l'm sorry. l'm sorry, l can't do this with you.
1561
01:45:07,217 --> 01:45:11,887
l'm kissing you,
and l'm thinking about somebody else.
1562
01:45:12,806 --> 01:45:16,726
No, and l know that's a stupid thing to say.
l mean, she's not even...
1563
01:45:17,436 --> 01:45:18,477
(SNlFFLlNG)
1564
01:45:18,562 --> 01:45:22,606
Oh, no, no, no.
Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.
1565
01:45:22,691 --> 01:45:26,444
lt's not a reflection of...
You're so pretty, like...
1566
01:45:27,154 --> 01:45:28,821
You're laughing.
1567
01:45:28,905 --> 01:45:31,907
Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole!
1568
01:45:32,993 --> 01:45:36,370
Look, l'm sorry, okay.
l don't mean to lead you on here,
1569
01:45:36,455 --> 01:45:40,916
and l'll give you a ride home,
but l don't think that... What the fuck?
1570
01:45:41,001 --> 01:45:43,419
What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh?
1571
01:45:43,795 --> 01:45:45,212
What're you, a Gap model?
1572
01:45:47,841 --> 01:45:50,926
-Do you have any jacks?
-Yup.
1573
01:45:52,346 --> 01:45:55,848
-l win.
-Again.
1574
01:45:55,932 --> 01:45:57,183
Yup.
1575
01:46:01,563 --> 01:46:04,106
-All right, just take your shirt off.
-Okay, good.
1576
01:46:07,152 --> 01:46:11,447
You were right, lan. '69 Judge.
You were worth the wait.
1577
01:46:14,326 --> 01:46:19,413
-Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car!
-And good luck with the lady friend.
1578
01:46:22,042 --> 01:46:23,334
Fuckface!
1579
01:46:24,461 --> 01:46:26,128
(MS. TASTY WHOOPlNG)
1580
01:46:26,671 --> 01:46:30,132
Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1581
01:46:30,217 --> 01:46:33,803
Oh, Bobby,
you were so awesome back there.
1582
01:46:33,887 --> 01:46:35,638
-Love you so much.
-Cool.
1583
01:46:36,932 --> 01:46:41,394
Hey, you know, l was thinking, do you
always have to flash them the twins?
1584
01:46:41,478 --> 01:46:43,604
You know, l mean, l do got a gun.
1585
01:46:43,688 --> 01:46:48,651
-Oh, baby, you know they're only for you.
-Okay, cool.
1586
01:46:48,735 --> 01:46:51,737
Now, listen. l got another car coming
any minute now, okay?
1587
01:46:51,822 --> 01:46:53,531
-Got it.
-So take me back to the Big Boy
1588
01:46:53,615 --> 01:46:55,991
-and get this goat over to Luis.
-Right.
1589
01:46:57,369 --> 01:47:03,582
And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent!
1590
01:47:04,167 --> 01:47:06,377
-l fucking told you.
-l know where it is.
1591
01:47:06,461 --> 01:47:07,461
(CLANKlNG)
1592
01:47:11,007 --> 01:47:16,262
And if you do good,
momma's gonna take real good care of you.
1593
01:47:16,638 --> 01:47:17,847
Really?
1594
01:47:20,267 --> 01:47:22,935
You mean the thing l like well?
1595
01:47:26,148 --> 01:47:27,773
(CHUCKLlNG DEVlOUSLY)
1596
01:47:28,150 --> 01:47:31,986
Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking
about the same thing here.
1597
01:47:32,070 --> 01:47:34,029
The pepper grinder.
1598
01:47:38,076 --> 01:47:40,202
Pepper grinder!
1599
01:47:41,204 --> 01:47:43,998
Pepper grinder! Yeah.
1600
01:47:52,257 --> 01:47:53,340
Hi.
1601
01:47:59,306 --> 01:48:02,850
-Hey, boys. You finally made it.
-What's up, Ms. Tasty?
1602
01:48:02,934 --> 01:48:05,478
What's up? What's up?
1603
01:48:05,562 --> 01:48:08,147
-Damn, you're hot as fuck.
-Yeah.
1604
01:48:08,231 --> 01:48:11,567
-We brought beers and rubbers.
-And some lotion for your tits.
1605
01:48:12,819 --> 01:48:14,487
-lt's not a marathon.
-lt's a sprint.
1606
01:48:14,571 --> 01:48:16,989
-Bang. Yeah.
-ln chicks.
1607
01:48:31,046 --> 01:48:32,588
You Felicia?
1608
01:48:35,383 --> 01:48:36,759
l'm Bobby Jo.
1609
01:48:38,261 --> 01:48:39,303
Hi.
1610
01:48:39,554 --> 01:48:40,930
(PHONE RlNGlNG)
1611
01:48:41,014 --> 01:48:46,268
(LANCE AND MARY MOANlNG)
1612
01:48:49,481 --> 01:48:54,109
l can't believe l'm banging an Amish chick.
l mean, seriously, what are the odds?
1613
01:48:55,237 --> 01:48:57,488
Oh, yeah ! More of that.
1614
01:48:59,533 --> 01:49:04,620
So, wait, you do want to party?
1615
01:49:05,330 --> 01:49:06,455
With us?
1616
01:49:06,540 --> 01:49:09,792
Yeah. l want us all to get naked and party.
1617
01:49:22,264 --> 01:49:25,266
Fuck! l can't fucking believe this.
1618
01:49:29,688 --> 01:49:32,523
Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker!
1619
01:49:34,359 --> 01:49:39,029
-Who the fuck are you?
-Holy fucking fuck-balls!
1620
01:49:39,281 --> 01:49:43,409
Okay, my bad.
1621
01:49:43,493 --> 01:49:45,202
Now, l thought you were someone else,
all right?
1622
01:49:45,287 --> 01:49:50,666
You done fouled up my ride,
so l'm gonna have to take yours.
1623
01:49:51,501 --> 01:49:52,501
Fuck that shit.
1624
01:49:52,586 --> 01:49:53,586
(GUN COCKlNG)
1625
01:49:53,670 --> 01:49:55,796
Here you go. Pulls to the left.
1626
01:49:57,549 --> 01:49:59,550
What the fuck, dumb-ass?
1627
01:50:03,513 --> 01:50:05,931
Oh, shit!
1628
01:50:06,683 --> 01:50:12,938
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
1629
01:50:13,023 --> 01:50:14,732
Hey, highlights, back it up.
1630
01:50:16,192 --> 01:50:18,027
Bite my dick, asshole!
1631
01:50:22,907 --> 01:50:25,743
Ow! What the fuck you do that for?
1632
01:50:26,870 --> 01:50:31,081
-Lance? What the fuck is going on?
-That's the son of a bitch l was looking for!
1633
01:50:31,166 --> 01:50:34,209
Hey, guy. How'd you...
1634
01:50:34,294 --> 01:50:37,671
-Found your computer maps, douche-bag !
-Okay.
1635
01:50:37,756 --> 01:50:38,922
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1636
01:50:39,007 --> 01:50:41,842
Boat show,
you and your boyfriend bring it in here.
1637
01:50:41,926 --> 01:50:43,177
l don't need no trouble right now.
1638
01:50:43,261 --> 01:50:45,137
Let's go. Bring it in.
1639
01:50:46,556 --> 01:50:50,267
-Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that?
-BOBBY JO: Who?
1640
01:50:50,352 --> 01:50:53,604
-That!
-That's Felicia.
1641
01:50:53,688 --> 01:50:55,898
She was hiding in the back seat,
no biggie.
1642
01:50:55,982 --> 01:50:58,484
Fuck! She heard everything then.
1643
01:50:58,568 --> 01:51:01,195
-Hello!
-Damn, you're right.
1644
01:51:02,405 --> 01:51:03,572
(GROANlNG)
1645
01:51:03,657 --> 01:51:05,157
Come on, darling.
1646
01:51:05,241 --> 01:51:07,534
-Shut up!
-Now, take it easy on the hair.
1647
01:51:07,619 --> 01:51:10,329
-Get down !
-Hey, hey, come on.
1648
01:51:10,413 --> 01:51:13,290
-All right, all right.
-lAN: Take your hands off her!
1649
01:51:18,213 --> 01:51:20,047
(lAN EXCLAlMlNG)
1650
01:51:21,049 --> 01:51:22,925
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
1651
01:51:25,011 --> 01:51:28,013
ANDY: Stop shooting our car.
RANDY: lnconsiderate.
1652
01:51:33,520 --> 01:51:35,521
lAN: Please! No!
1653
01:51:41,319 --> 01:51:44,363
-All right. Get back, man.
-lan?
1654
01:51:44,447 --> 01:51:47,157
Everybody just be cool.
1655
01:51:47,242 --> 01:51:49,785
-Felicia, you okay?
-Yeah, l'm fine.
1656
01:51:49,869 --> 01:51:52,913
lan, give me the goddamn gun
before you shoot your dick off.
1657
01:51:52,997 --> 01:51:54,206
-Rex, l got this.
-lan !
1658
01:51:54,290 --> 01:51:58,001
God damn it, Rex, l got this!
Do not fuck with me! Not now!
1659
01:51:58,920 --> 01:52:02,047
Ease it back, man.
That donut ain't fucking around.
1660
01:52:03,800 --> 01:52:05,509
Hands where l can see them.
1661
01:52:06,845 --> 01:52:10,973
-lan, dude, you're working the mouth.
-l don't give a shit!
1662
01:52:11,057 --> 01:52:15,185
Okay. All right, sorry.
You're doing so good. Proud of you.
1663
01:52:15,270 --> 01:52:16,854
l mean that. l don't say it enough.
1664
01:52:16,938 --> 01:52:20,023
-Tasty and you...
-Bobby Jo.
1665
01:52:21,192 --> 01:52:24,862
lan... Over there. Slowly.
1666
01:52:25,613 --> 01:52:29,825
All right, you, corn-fed, you can
punch my friend Lance, but just once.
1667
01:52:29,909 --> 01:52:33,078
-Dude! What the fuck?
-You nailed his girlfriend.
1668
01:52:33,163 --> 01:52:36,290
-Not exactly. l mean, it was...
-And he came all this way.
1669
01:52:36,374 --> 01:52:39,918
All right. All right, fair enough.
Just not in the nuts.
1670
01:52:42,213 --> 01:52:43,422
(LANCE GRUNTS)
1671
01:52:43,506 --> 01:52:48,761
-Oh, shit!
-Okay. Okay, all right.
1672
01:52:50,430 --> 01:52:55,225
What a punch.
l think my kids are gonna be retarded.
1673
01:52:55,310 --> 01:52:57,269
You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude.
1674
01:52:57,353 --> 01:53:02,691
-Yeah, you got a little...
-Thanks. My ears are ringing.
1675
01:53:03,318 --> 01:53:05,152
lAN: Stop it! l'm warning you !
1676
01:53:05,236 --> 01:53:07,863
Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one.
1677
01:53:08,782 --> 01:53:10,157
(MS. TASTY EXCLAlMS)
1678
01:53:10,408 --> 01:53:11,533
BOBBY JO: Whoa!
1679
01:53:13,453 --> 01:53:16,580
-Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude.
-l'll shoot you in the leg.
1680
01:53:16,664 --> 01:53:18,248
Suck his cock, lan.
1681
01:53:18,333 --> 01:53:21,126
-You serious?
-Do l look serious?
1682
01:53:23,171 --> 01:53:25,130
l don't think you got the plums, boy.
1683
01:53:25,256 --> 01:53:26,965
(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)
1684
01:53:28,718 --> 01:53:30,427
God !
1685
01:53:32,555 --> 01:53:33,555
(GROANlNG)
1686
01:53:34,974 --> 01:53:36,141
Oh, fuck.
1687
01:53:36,976 --> 01:53:39,436
Okay. Okay.
1688
01:53:41,189 --> 01:53:44,066
Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.
1689
01:53:45,235 --> 01:53:48,570
-Give me the gun !
-Jesus, man, what do l got to do?
1690
01:53:51,658 --> 01:53:54,535
Don't move, asshole,
or you're a fucking stain.
1691
01:53:54,619 --> 01:53:55,744
Okay.
1692
01:53:57,038 --> 01:54:00,374
Holy shit, lan. Right on !
1693
01:54:00,458 --> 01:54:02,709
Where do you think you're going, cunt?
1694
01:54:02,794 --> 01:54:04,169
Cat fight!
1695
01:54:04,254 --> 01:54:05,462
(BOTH SQUEALlNG)
1696
01:54:05,547 --> 01:54:06,839
(CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING PLAYING)
1697
01:54:06,923 --> 01:54:10,175
(SINGING)
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
1698
01:54:10,260 --> 01:54:11,802
FELlClA: Damn you, whore!
1699
01:54:11,886 --> 01:54:13,595
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
1700
01:54:13,680 --> 01:54:15,305
Fuck you !
1701
01:54:17,475 --> 01:54:21,562
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
1702
01:54:21,938 --> 01:54:25,440
Come crashing through your door
1703
01:54:26,317 --> 01:54:31,113
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
1704
01:54:32,198 --> 01:54:34,283
Drop the weapon, donut man !
1705
01:54:35,743 --> 01:54:38,036
Okay, put your hands on your head !
1706
01:54:38,121 --> 01:54:41,707
-Both hands, asshole!
-lAN: l can't move the other arm.
1707
01:54:41,791 --> 01:54:45,460
-Who said that? Who said that?
-l can't move the other arm.
1708
01:54:46,796 --> 01:54:47,796
(TASER ZAPPlNG)
1709
01:54:47,881 --> 01:54:51,884
Sir, l'm not resisting. lt's foam, sir.
1710
01:54:51,968 --> 01:54:52,968
(SCREAMlNG)
1711
01:54:55,221 --> 01:54:59,016
The big Mexican won't go down !
Take the shot!
1712
01:54:59,809 --> 01:55:01,435
-Holy shit.
-Jesus!
1713
01:55:01,519 --> 01:55:04,354
Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay?
1714
01:55:04,480 --> 01:55:08,567
He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief.
1715
01:55:09,319 --> 01:55:12,863
Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt.
1716
01:55:20,955 --> 01:55:22,456
FEMALE OFFlCER: Anything else?
1717
01:55:24,375 --> 01:55:27,294
FELlClA: Oh, yeah,
apparently there's a guy named Luis,
1718
01:55:27,378 --> 01:55:31,131
and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!
1719
01:55:31,215 --> 01:55:33,717
-Thanks.
-We were just banging that chick in our car.
1720
01:55:33,801 --> 01:55:36,929
-Yeah, you mentioned that.
-Yeah, super hard.
1721
01:55:37,013 --> 01:55:43,018
The boy did have some plums.
He had some plums.
1722
01:55:43,102 --> 01:55:46,271
Hey, this is Rick.
He's played arena football.
1723
01:55:46,356 --> 01:55:48,649
-Hi. l'm Mary.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
1724
01:55:48,733 --> 01:55:50,400
That's a weird little dude you got there.
1725
01:55:50,485 --> 01:55:53,362
LANCE: Are you guys hungry?
ls this place open 24 hours?
1726
01:55:56,115 --> 01:55:58,700
Thank you for coming for me.
1727
01:55:59,786 --> 01:56:02,788
What were you doing in the back seat?
1728
01:56:02,872 --> 01:56:06,041
Nothing. l was...
1729
01:56:06,125 --> 01:56:10,087
-You were stalking me.
-No, l wasn't. l...
1730
01:56:11,923 --> 01:56:15,384
Okay. Yeah, l was stalking you just a little.
1731
01:56:16,886 --> 01:56:20,389
l just... l knew you were gonna do
something you were gonna regret, and l...
1732
01:56:20,473 --> 01:56:24,643
Felicia. Why can't you just say it?
1733
01:56:29,691 --> 01:56:33,777
-Why can't you?
-Well, l asked you first.
1734
01:56:41,577 --> 01:56:43,286
Fine. l'll say it.
1735
01:56:49,919 --> 01:56:53,588
-You love me.
-Fine.
1736
01:56:55,717 --> 01:56:57,592
You love me, too, then.
1737
01:56:58,428 --> 01:57:01,847
(LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL PLAYING)
1738
01:57:02,849 --> 01:57:08,186
(SINGING) Life is beautiful
1739
01:57:11,232 --> 01:57:14,901
But it's complicated
1740
01:57:14,986 --> 01:57:16,361
Thank God.
1741
01:57:17,113 --> 01:57:20,032
We barely make it
1742
01:57:28,708 --> 01:57:29,708
(MOOlNG)
1743
01:57:33,546 --> 01:57:35,630
You fucking heifer.
1744
01:57:36,132 --> 01:57:37,883
(ENGlNE REVVlNG)
1745
01:57:49,270 --> 01:57:50,812
-You fixed it!
-Yeah.
1746
01:57:50,897 --> 01:57:52,522
Don't lean on it.
1747
01:57:54,984 --> 01:57:57,235
l guess you get to live.
1748
01:57:57,320 --> 01:58:00,363
-lAN: You guys are amazing.
-Thanks.
1749
01:58:00,448 --> 01:58:01,948
Let's talk seriously for a second.
1750
01:58:02,033 --> 01:58:07,746
l figure with the parts and labor,
you know, out the door... 4,200.
1751
01:58:09,749 --> 01:58:10,749
Oh. Um...
1752
01:58:10,833 --> 01:58:14,503
-lt's just a round number.
-Yeah. No, l didn't really...
1753
01:58:18,716 --> 01:58:20,008
l don't know what to...
1754
01:58:20,093 --> 01:58:23,095
(LAUGHlNG)
l'm fucking with you, lan. We're good, man.
1755
01:58:23,179 --> 01:58:27,307
-Wait, l mean, you're serious?
-Yeah. l'm serious. We're good. No worries.
1756
01:58:27,391 --> 01:58:28,725
-You sure?
-Yeah, of course.
1757
01:58:28,810 --> 01:58:29,768
-Thank you, man.
-lt's what l live for,
1758
01:58:29,852 --> 01:58:31,770
fixing other people's shit for free.
1759
01:58:35,483 --> 01:58:36,566
Yeah.
1760
01:58:42,240 --> 01:58:44,574
-Hey.
-REX: Straight home, pussy!
1761
01:58:44,659 --> 01:58:48,912
-Dude, we got to go.
-REX: Fucking piece of shit!
1762
01:58:49,038 --> 01:58:52,666
You go on ahead.
l think l'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish.
1763
01:58:52,750 --> 01:58:54,626
Dude, what are you talking about?
1764
01:58:54,710 --> 01:58:58,255
l don't know, a little hard work,
fresh air, missionary position.
1765
01:58:59,090 --> 01:59:00,799
lt's a man's life.
1766
01:59:00,883 --> 01:59:02,592
-Sounds pretty good, you know.
-Yeah, it sounds...
1767
01:59:02,677 --> 01:59:05,303
Come on, Lance. Get serious.
1768
01:59:09,725 --> 01:59:11,143
Come here.
1769
01:59:12,103 --> 01:59:14,980
l gotta tell you, l'm impressed.
l'm proud of you, you know.
1770
01:59:15,064 --> 01:59:18,150
You held out for a good one,
the one you wanted.
1771
01:59:18,985 --> 01:59:21,528
And you fucking made it happen.
1772
01:59:22,613 --> 01:59:27,409
But, please, l'm begging you,
go take that girl to visit Grandma.
1773
01:59:27,493 --> 01:59:29,744
-All right.
-And when you do, don't...
1774
01:59:29,829 --> 01:59:33,039
-Lance, l got it.
-Yeah?
1775
01:59:34,584 --> 01:59:35,667
Yeah.
1776
01:59:37,670 --> 01:59:40,213
Okay. l think you might.
1777
01:59:40,298 --> 01:59:42,090
-See you.
-Bye.
1778
01:59:43,843 --> 01:59:46,052
(PORCUPINE JACKET PLAYING)
1779
01:59:48,431 --> 01:59:51,975
(SINGING) Well, no, no, me, I never worry
1780
01:59:52,685 --> 01:59:55,562
Because, me, I never try
1781
01:59:55,813 --> 02:00:02,444
And I never care to hold onto
what I just couldn't kiss goodbye
1782
02:00:20,880 --> 02:00:24,758
-Are you sure you're ready?
-Yeah.
1783
02:00:26,886 --> 02:00:29,638
All right, well, come on, take them off.
1784
02:00:41,984 --> 02:00:43,401
Let's do it.
1785
02:00:49,659 --> 02:00:51,243
Yeah !
1786
02:00:51,327 --> 02:00:52,911
Oh, shit!
1787
02:00:53,955 --> 02:00:55,789
What the fuck!
1788
02:00:55,873 --> 02:00:58,124
Give me that fucking shoe...
1789
02:00:58,209 --> 02:01:01,336
You know what? Fuck you !
l want a divorce.
1790
02:01:01,420 --> 02:01:04,464
IAN: A few weeks later,
I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.
1791
02:01:04,548 --> 02:01:08,009
But this time,
it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing.
1792
02:01:10,263 --> 02:01:13,139
And Rex did make my life hell for a while.
1793
02:01:13,891 --> 02:01:15,558
But that Thanksgiving,
1794
02:01:15,643 --> 02:01:18,979
we finally found out
what's been up his ass all these years.
1795
02:01:19,063 --> 02:01:23,108
l'm gay! And, so, that's it.
1796
02:01:25,361 --> 02:01:27,946
IAN: By Christmas,
my dad got used to the idea.
1797
02:01:28,030 --> 02:01:30,949
And Rex is actually
a pretty great guy these days.
1798
02:01:31,033 --> 02:01:33,785
Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot
during rough sex.
1799
02:01:33,869 --> 02:01:36,454
Karen and l want you to have this,
for Christmas.
1800
02:01:36,539 --> 02:01:38,540
-Merry Christmas.
-Thanks.
1801
02:01:40,960 --> 02:01:42,252
A juicer.
1802
02:01:42,336 --> 02:01:47,716
Oh, my gosh ! That's so awesome.
Wow, l gotta get some fruit.
1803
02:01:48,217 --> 02:01:49,301
Wow!
1804
02:01:53,347 --> 02:01:54,806
Thank you, thank you.
1805
02:01:55,433 --> 02:01:58,560
IAN: Dylan knocked up Becca
and had to take my old job.
1806
02:02:00,229 --> 02:02:02,230
Let's see, what else?
1807
02:02:02,857 --> 02:02:05,400
Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend.
1808
02:02:08,279 --> 02:02:11,656
And on New Year's Eve,
Felicia and I finally visited Grandma.
1809
02:02:11,741 --> 02:02:12,824
Again?
1810
02:02:14,076 --> 02:02:15,535
Damn, yes.
1811
02:02:18,205 --> 02:02:20,248
-Felicia, you want to do this?
-Yes.
1812
02:02:26,797 --> 02:02:28,214
(LAUGHlNG)
1813
02:02:29,091 --> 02:02:30,884
Oh, that was awesome!
1814
02:03:11,133 --> 02:03:15,053
-Hey, boys. You get some rest?
-Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus.
1815
02:03:15,137 --> 02:03:16,888
-A pleasure.
-Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus.
1816
02:03:16,972 --> 02:03:19,349
-Appreciate it.
-Thanks for playing that show for us, too.
1817
02:03:19,433 --> 02:03:22,727
-Yeah, no worries.
-lt was a nice five-song set.
1818
02:03:22,812 --> 02:03:25,230
Yeah, what do you guys typically...
1819
02:03:25,314 --> 02:03:27,732
l assume you get compensated
very well for that.
1820
02:03:27,817 --> 02:03:30,693
-Must be a good living.
-Yeah, we do. l mean...
1821
02:03:30,778 --> 02:03:33,655
Yeah, you know, l...
Gosh, if l was really to calculate
1822
02:03:33,739 --> 02:03:36,866
what you'd lose if this bus
couldn't have gotten back on the road,
1823
02:03:36,951 --> 02:03:38,118
if you couldn't have gotten to your shows,
1824
02:03:38,202 --> 02:03:43,081
l imagine all those weeping teenage girls
outside, "l need to dance."
1825
02:03:43,165 --> 02:03:46,084
Could we send you some pictures?
We don't really have cash or anything.
1826
02:03:46,168 --> 02:03:49,129
-Some autographed photos?
-Or we could give you CDs.
1827
02:03:49,213 --> 02:03:51,423
Yeah, we've got a lot of use
for that around here.
1828
02:03:51,507 --> 02:03:53,591
There is a lot of work
that needs to be done around here.
1829
02:03:53,676 --> 02:03:57,971
-You guys are some strapping young lads.
-l don't know if we're really built for that.
1830
02:03:59,390 --> 02:04:01,933
-Yeah.
-l can hear you.
1831
02:04:02,017 --> 02:04:04,394
l'm just saying,
you guys put in a 20-minute show,
1832
02:04:04,478 --> 02:04:06,104
-we spent all night on the bus...
-Yeah.
1833
02:04:06,188 --> 02:04:07,355
l mean, that was a lot of work.
1834
02:04:07,440 --> 02:04:09,607
We could maybe try
to write a check later on,
1835
02:04:09,692 --> 02:04:12,152
or like l said,
we could send you guys some CDs.
1836
02:04:12,236 --> 02:04:14,446
City folk are always trying to solve things
with money.
1837
02:04:14,530 --> 02:04:16,573
lt's the spirit of the community
around here.
1838
02:04:16,657 --> 02:04:19,159
Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy.
1839
02:04:19,243 --> 02:04:21,995
Keep him safe on the road.
1840
02:04:22,079 --> 02:04:25,165
Help him to aspire
to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi.
1841
02:04:25,249 --> 02:04:26,458
-Help him to...
-Thanks.
1842
02:04:26,542 --> 02:04:28,460
-Okay, thanks, man.
-Thanks, man. We gotta roll.
1843
02:04:28,544 --> 02:04:30,462
-Amen.
-We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much.
1844
02:04:30,546 --> 02:04:32,088
All right, boys.
lt was a pleasure meeting you.
1845
02:04:32,173 --> 02:04:35,133
l loved your penis on the lnternet,
by the way.
1846
02:04:35,217 --> 02:04:37,260
-Fucking asshole!
-You're a dick!
1847
02:04:38,012 --> 02:04:39,888
(I DON'T CARE PLAYlNG)
1848
02:04:53,694 --> 02:04:57,614
Say my name and his in the same breath
1849
02:04:57,698 --> 02:05:01,159
I dare you to say they taste the same
1850
02:05:01,243 --> 02:05:04,746
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
1851
02:05:04,830 --> 02:05:07,916
And let December glow feel flames
1852
02:05:08,459 --> 02:05:11,544
Brace myself and let go
1853
02:05:11,629 --> 02:05:15,173
Start it over again in Mexico
1854
02:05:15,257 --> 02:05:19,052
These friends, they don't love you
1855
02:05:19,136 --> 02:05:22,805
They just love the hotel suites, now
1856
02:05:22,890 --> 02:05:25,934
I don't care what you think
1857
02:05:26,018 --> 02:05:29,687
As long as it's about me
1858
02:05:29,813 --> 02:05:32,982
The best of us can find happiness
1859
02:05:33,108 --> 02:05:36,277
In misery
1860
02:05:36,612 --> 02:05:40,198
Said, I don't care what you think
1861
02:05:40,282 --> 02:05:44,077
As long as it's about me
1862
02:05:44,161 --> 02:05:47,413
The best of us can find happiness
1863
02:05:47,498 --> 02:05:49,290
In misery
1864
02:05:55,297 --> 02:05:58,883
Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance
1865
02:05:58,968 --> 02:06:01,844
I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants
1866
02:06:01,929 --> 02:06:04,472
Pull a breath like another cigarette
1867
02:06:04,557 --> 02:06:07,058
Palms up, I'm trading 'em
1868
02:06:07,851 --> 02:06:09,686
Trading 'em
1869
02:06:09,770 --> 02:06:12,897
I'm the oracle in my chest
1870
02:06:13,274 --> 02:06:16,150
Let the guitar scream like a fascist
1871
02:06:16,235 --> 02:06:17,902
Sweat it out, shut your mouth
1872
02:06:17,987 --> 02:06:19,779
Free love on the streets
1873
02:06:19,863 --> 02:06:23,908
But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now
1874
02:06:23,993 --> 02:06:26,953
I don't care what you think
1875
02:06:27,037 --> 02:06:30,915
As long as it's about me
1876
02:06:31,000 --> 02:06:34,085
The best of us can find happiness
1877
02:06:34,169 --> 02:06:37,422
In misery
1878
02:06:37,673 --> 02:06:41,342
Said, I don't care what you think
1879
02:06:41,427 --> 02:06:45,179
As long as it's about me
1880
02:06:45,306 --> 02:06:48,391
The best of us can find happiness
1881
02:06:48,475 --> 02:06:50,226
In misery
1882
02:07:02,823 --> 02:07:06,367
Said I don't care just what you think
1883
02:07:06,619 --> 02:07:09,912
As long as it's about me
1884
02:07:09,997 --> 02:07:13,374
Said I don't care just what you think
1885
02:07:13,459 --> 02:07:17,086
As long as it's about me
1886
02:07:17,171 --> 02:07:30,558
Said I don't care, I don't care
1887
02:07:31,060 --> 02:07:32,018
No, I don't
1888
02:07:32,102 --> 02:07:35,480
I don't care, I don't care
1889
02:07:35,564 --> 02:07:39,317
I don't care
1890
02:07:39,401 --> 02:07:42,320
I don't care what you think
1891
02:07:42,404 --> 02:07:45,907
As long as it's about me
1892
02:07:46,283 --> 02:07:49,410
The best of us can find happiness
1893
02:07:49,495 --> 02:07:52,872
In misery
1894
02:07:52,956 --> 02:07:56,459
Said I don't care what you think
1895
02:07:56,543 --> 02:08:00,338
As long as it's about me
1896
02:08:00,422 --> 02:08:03,925
The best of us can find happiness
1897
02:08:04,009 --> 02:08:10,098
In misery
1898
02:09:02,609 --> 02:09:06,112
Hi. l'm Amanda Crew, professional actor.
1899
02:09:06,196 --> 02:09:08,531
You know in all the teen unrated DVDs,
1900
02:09:08,615 --> 02:09:12,160
you never really get to see
the star's naughty parts.
1901
02:09:12,661 --> 02:09:16,080
Well, that is gonna change today.
1902
02:09:16,165 --> 02:09:18,040
That's right. Take a seat,
1903
02:09:18,125 --> 02:09:20,918
maybe close the door
so mom doesn't come in.
1904
02:09:21,003 --> 02:09:23,921
Get all ready. Looks good.
1905
02:09:25,340 --> 02:09:26,674
Here we go.
1906
02:09:30,387 --> 02:09:31,888
Suckers!
1907
02:09:33,515 --> 02:09:34,849
This is serious matter.
1908
02:09:35,934 --> 02:09:37,101
Run for your life.
1909
02:09:37,186 --> 02:09:39,771
MAN 1 : Oh, shit! You know what?
We see the fake balls on the table there.
1910
02:09:39,855 --> 02:09:40,855
(ALL LAUGHlNG)
148182
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