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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,638 --> 00:00:04,910 you better have a good reason for getting us out of bed this early, jerk. 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,572 I got a goddamn great reason for getting you out of bed. 3 00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:09,599 This bar is hemorrhaging money. 4 00:00:09,605 --> 00:00:12,542 You gotta spend money to make money: Economics 101, dude. 5 00:00:12,551 --> 00:00:14,345 You're bleeding us to death, 6 00:00:14,350 --> 00:00:16,872 especially with that company credit card you got. 7 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:20,794 That is for business expenses, Frank. Everything on there is a business expense. 8 00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:24,606 Who spent $500 for laser hair removal? 9 00:00:24,618 --> 00:00:27,463 Right over here, slick. Don't want to have hair down there. You know what I'm saying? 10 00:00:27,471 --> 00:00:30,400 Who spent $5,000 for a samurai sword? 11 00:00:30,408 --> 00:00:31,707 Your head of security. 12 00:00:31,712 --> 00:00:33,594 Yeah. Just wait till he saves your life one day with it. 13 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,308 $6,000 on a camcorder. 14 00:00:35,313 --> 00:00:37,380 Well, I decided what I'm going to do is I'm 15 00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:39,469 going to take all those hilarious characters that I've 16 00:00:39,476 --> 00:00:42,184 been creating over the past several years, to put them on tape, 17 00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:43,948 I'm going to put them on YouTube. 18 00:00:43,953 --> 00:00:46,445 That way, I can get discovered by, like, a casting director or 19 00:00:46,453 --> 00:00:48,358 a producer, get some kind of a TV development deal. 20 00:00:48,383 --> 00:00:51,208 Yeah, right. So the point is, Frank, is that these are all business expenses. 21 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,480 I mean, some are definitely more realistic than others. 22 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,036 - Yeah. Not that one. - No, not at all. 23 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,705 But, nonetheless, it was, I believe, bought as a business expense. 24 00:00:57,714 --> 00:00:59,125 They're not business expenses. 25 00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:01,251 What I bought is a business expense. 26 00:01:01,274 --> 00:01:04,097 What I bought is something that's going to save our asses. 27 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,986 Okay. Yeah. All right. 28 00:01:05,991 --> 00:01:08,787 - What did you get? - I bought a billboard. 29 00:01:08,886 --> 00:01:36,414 its always.sunny in philly 403 30 00:01:36,491 --> 00:01:38,932 Synchro : Flolo 31 00:01:40,604 --> 00:01:42,251 Okay, so I'm thinking 32 00:01:42,256 --> 00:01:44,720 we write on the billboard, in nice big letters, "We have 33 00:01:44,728 --> 00:01:46,840 two-for-one drink specials on Thursdays." 34 00:01:46,846 --> 00:01:49,427 And, on the bottom, you have a hilarious picture of Green Man 35 00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:52,093 kicking someone in the nuts. And people will go, "Hey, what's this wacky place? 36 00:01:52,101 --> 00:01:55,772 - Where can I have those drinks?" - It is really astonishing how bad your idea is. 37 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,621 - How is that a bad idea? - Go sit down. 38 00:01:57,627 --> 00:01:59,584 The adults are working. The adults are working. 39 00:01:59,589 --> 00:02:01,349 When we need a child, we'll call you. 40 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:04,530 Dennis, you and I on the same team. Hot chick up on the billboard. 41 00:02:04,615 --> 00:02:06,164 - Sex sells. Boom. - absolutely. 42 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:09,394 It's Advertising 101: long legs, taut breasts and tight poopers. 43 00:02:09,404 --> 00:02:11,474 I'm just going to jump in here real quick and point out 44 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,542 that this is the point in the conversation where I would volunteer 45 00:02:13,548 --> 00:02:15,415 to be the girl on the billboard, and then you guys 46 00:02:15,421 --> 00:02:17,391 would talk about how ugly you think I am, and compare me to 47 00:02:17,397 --> 00:02:20,065 - some sort of giant bird. - You look so much like a bird. 48 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,513 - Dennis, I was thinking fish recently. - Really? 49 00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:24,476 Yeah. Her eyes are so far apart, they're like they're on... 50 00:02:24,482 --> 00:02:27,244 Okay, okay, but I don't want to be on your billboard. 51 00:02:27,252 --> 00:02:29,646 I'm not going to ask to be because you wouldn't let me be on it anyway. 52 00:02:29,653 --> 00:02:31,566 No. That's sensible. You don't even have to ask. 53 00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:34,882 There's no way you can be up on that billboard. 54 00:02:34,892 --> 00:02:37,818 - Let me get the point out! The point is... - She's better than you. 55 00:02:37,827 --> 00:02:40,074 I don't want to be on your billboard, and I'll tell you why. 56 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,983 I'm going to take one of my characters and I'm going to 57 00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:44,707 launch a viral video and promote Paddy's myself. 58 00:02:44,772 --> 00:02:48,024 A viral video? There's about a billion of those on YouTube. Who gives a shit? 59 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,017 you think anyone gives a shit about a billboard? 60 00:02:50,023 --> 00:02:51,767 Wake up, donkeys. 61 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,561 The Internet is where it's at, and I'm going to be an Internet sensation. 62 00:02:54,644 --> 00:02:57,313 You're totally right. If you don't mind, I'm going to come with you. 63 00:02:57,321 --> 00:03:00,111 Maybe I can throw Green Man into a couple of your videos, 64 00:03:00,118 --> 00:03:02,111 you know, and work it out. That'll get a lot of hits. 65 00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:04,380 You can help me out, Charlie, but we're not going to put Green 66 00:03:04,387 --> 00:03:06,133 - Man into anything. - Well, we'll see about that. 67 00:03:06,138 --> 00:03:07,776 - We'll see about that. - Well, we will. 68 00:03:07,782 --> 00:03:09,598 All right. Later, dudes! 69 00:03:09,604 --> 00:03:13,429 "S" you in your "A"s, don't wear "C"s, and "J" all over your "B"s. 70 00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:16,323 Why would he not want a "C"...? 71 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,868 I don't even know what he's talking about half the time, bro, but... 72 00:03:18,876 --> 00:03:20,444 hey, Frank, I'm glad you're here, bro. 73 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,660 - We're talking billboard ideas. - Don't waste your time. 74 00:03:22,666 --> 00:03:24,934 I know what the billboard's going to look like already: 75 00:03:24,941 --> 00:03:30,228 two gorgeous girls up there, giant cans, me in the middle with my thumbs up. 76 00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:32,553 Well, that's just simply not going to happen. 77 00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:34,483 Actually, maybe Frank has a point, dude. 78 00:03:34,490 --> 00:03:36,736 Maybe weshouldput a dude up there, certainly not him. 79 00:03:36,743 --> 00:03:39,863 but if we put some hot beefcake up there, maybe it will attract more chicks. 80 00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:43,339 That's a good point. Okay, I like that. Let's slapmypicture up there. 81 00:03:43,350 --> 00:03:45,680 It's about time I got my modeling career off the ground anyway. 82 00:03:45,687 --> 00:03:47,525 Don't flatter yourself. 83 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:50,643 You're not going to be up there because I'm going to be the face 84 00:03:50,652 --> 00:03:52,790 - of Paddy's Bar. - That's ridiculous, Frank. 85 00:03:52,796 --> 00:03:55,352 You're... ugly. 86 00:03:56,008 --> 00:03:57,938 What? Ugly? 87 00:03:57,944 --> 00:03:59,455 - I'm ugly? - Yeah. 88 00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:02,682 With that anteater nose, you're telling meI'mugly. 89 00:04:02,691 --> 00:04:06,133 My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. 90 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,992 My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David. 91 00:04:10,477 --> 00:04:12,592 You, on the other hand, well... 92 00:04:13,305 --> 00:04:15,469 you're a pit of despair. 93 00:04:15,715 --> 00:04:17,781 Frank, you disgust me. 94 00:04:17,983 --> 00:04:20,135 You disgust everyone. 95 00:04:20,295 --> 00:04:25,551 And you will never, ever be on that billboard. 96 00:04:32,417 --> 00:04:34,838 Good morning, Philadelphia! 97 00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:37,742 I'm Crazy Paddy, and I'm coming to you from 98 00:04:37,750 --> 00:04:40,019 Paddy's Pub, telling you to come on down. 99 00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:42,473 We're slashing prices so low 100 00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:46,215 you won't need a pot of gold to get sloppy. So come on down to Paddy's. 101 00:04:46,226 --> 00:04:48,632 It's insane! 102 00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:50,847 - What is that? - Did you like that? 103 00:04:50,853 --> 00:04:52,587 No. That's not what YouTube videos are like. 104 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,821 - that's a great character. - No, That's like a bad 105 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:57,606 late-night commercial you'd see, like, on the cable network or something. 106 00:04:57,614 --> 00:04:59,890 Maybe you didn't get it. I'm crazy 'cause I'm pricing the beer too low. 107 00:04:59,897 --> 00:05:01,728 I think I got it. I think I got it. 108 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,375 The beer's too low for what average beer prices are. 109 00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,444 All right, you know what? Let's just do it again, 110 00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:07,332 maybe throw in some more jokes or something, you know? 111 00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:09,325 - Make it funnier. - You're absolutely right. 112 00:05:09,331 --> 00:05:10,799 You can make it funnier. you're a funny girl. 113 00:05:10,803 --> 00:05:12,269 You ready? 114 00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:14,276 Good morning, Philadelphia. 115 00:05:14,282 --> 00:05:16,374 I'm Crazy Paddy. 116 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,049 Oh, my God! 117 00:05:19,056 --> 00:05:20,481 Why...? 118 00:05:20,485 --> 00:05:22,943 Now, that was funny. Dee, that's awesome! 119 00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:25,108 - what do you that? - That's what YouTube video is. 120 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,283 That's funny? 121 00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:28,114 You ever see those girls mashing the grapes, and then 122 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,261 - slips and she's, like...? - Why did you do that, Charlie? 123 00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:32,356 - That's what people want to see. - Oh, my God! 124 00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:36,210 People getting injured or seriously hurt-- that's funny! 125 00:05:36,221 --> 00:05:39,044 Okay? Let's just do this. This is... Trust me. 126 00:05:39,053 --> 00:05:40,962 This is what gets hits on YouTube. 127 00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:43,037 - All right. Are you ready? - Yeah. I was ready from... 128 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,575 Stop talking. 129 00:05:45,837 --> 00:05:47,890 I'm crazy Patty... 130 00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:49,693 Nope. Okay. 131 00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:51,661 I'm Crazy Patty... 132 00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,651 What are you doing? You're lunging every time now. 133 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:54,849 I'm sorry. 134 00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:57,850 I can't concentrate when I'm about to get blasted in the face with a ball. 135 00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:59,727 I'll blast you all over if you flinch again. 136 00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:01,098 Let's just do this. 137 00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:02,847 Let's just do this. Action! 138 00:06:02,852 --> 00:06:05,052 Goddamn! 139 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,497 - Goddamn! - That is funny. 140 00:06:06,501 --> 00:06:08,883 I don't like it, Charlie. I don't think it's funny. 141 00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:12,246 It doesn't hurt too bad. 142 00:06:15,329 --> 00:06:19,142 Bro, can you believe how many hot chicks showed up for a 143 00:06:19,154 --> 00:06:21,572 casting call for a billboard? How have we not done this before? 144 00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:23,731 Yeah. Yeah, man. Plus, think about it. 145 00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:25,573 Dennis Reynolds, 40 feet tall and shirtless. 146 00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:27,914 - it's going to be so perfect! - Let's go. 147 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,437 - Just take your places over there. - Frank, what are you doing? 148 00:06:30,445 --> 00:06:32,312 - We're looking for models, right? - Yeah. 149 00:06:32,318 --> 00:06:34,064 I went on a stud hunt. 150 00:06:34,069 --> 00:06:35,725 I came back with beefcake. 151 00:06:35,730 --> 00:06:37,881 What are you talking about, Frank? I'm the male model. 152 00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:40,311 Rex? Rex? 153 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:42,059 What are these guys for? We don't need Rex. 154 00:06:42,064 --> 00:06:43,090 Take your shirt off. 155 00:06:43,129 --> 00:06:45,080 Come on, you don't need to take your shirt off. 156 00:06:45,085 --> 00:06:46,990 well, okay, if you're looking for that... 157 00:06:46,996 --> 00:06:49,577 Now, that, that is what you call a stallion. 158 00:06:49,585 --> 00:06:50,580 That is a stallion. 159 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:52,895 I didn't know you guys were looking for a stallion. I'm a stallion. 160 00:06:52,902 --> 00:06:56,234 Dennis, you think Frank's got a point here? 161 00:06:56,244 --> 00:06:58,675 I don't think he has a point. I'm a stallion. 162 00:07:00,425 --> 00:07:02,343 All right, this is messy. 163 00:07:03,075 --> 00:07:07,581 look, buddy, 2003 Dennis, okay, he was Grade-A prime beefcake. 164 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,490 No one is disputing that. He was a stallion. 165 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,809 But 2008 Dennis is in decline. 166 00:07:11,815 --> 00:07:13,401 Take a look at Rex here. 167 00:07:13,406 --> 00:07:15,503 That is a body that just won't quit. 168 00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:18,744 I bet if you pop those pants off, you're gonna find a bird that just won't quit either. 169 00:07:18,753 --> 00:07:21,608 And I think that'll come in handy in this situation. 170 00:07:21,617 --> 00:07:24,001 I think the problem here is that your body quit. 171 00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,558 Your bird quit. 172 00:07:25,563 --> 00:07:27,845 And unfortunately, it's no longer legit. 173 00:07:27,852 --> 00:07:29,398 What the hell you talking about, my bird? 174 00:07:29,438 --> 00:07:31,068 All right, let's get back to business here. 175 00:07:31,073 --> 00:07:33,466 Attention, ladies, I'm gonna need all the A cups to 176 00:07:33,473 --> 00:07:35,418 please head for the back door. 177 00:07:37,914 --> 00:07:39,859 Charlie, are you ready with the camera? 178 00:07:39,865 --> 00:07:42,263 Yeah, I'm trying to set it up. It takes a second, Dee. 179 00:07:42,271 --> 00:07:44,098 All right, who the hell's this character you're doing? 180 00:07:44,111 --> 00:07:45,511 this one? It's a really great one. 181 00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:48,472 Her name's Martina Martinez, and she is a streetwise Puerto Rican 182 00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:51,245 girl who's always quick with a sassy comeback. 183 00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:53,232 - Are you serious? - Yes, it's awesome. 184 00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:54,691 Now let's go over what we're doing again. 185 00:07:54,697 --> 00:07:56,970 I go up, I talk, you come in with the volleyball, you hit him 186 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,687 in the face, and you get out of there. 187 00:07:58,693 --> 00:08:01,391 Okay. I'm gonna hit a random person in the face with a volleyball. 188 00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:03,355 But don't come in too early 'cause I got some material 189 00:08:03,361 --> 00:08:05,811 I want to do and I don't want you to cut me off this time. 190 00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:08,276 Saturday Night Live is gonna, I think they're gonna really love this. 191 00:08:08,284 --> 00:08:11,687 - Do you really think that? - Charlie, Charlie, go, go, go. 192 00:08:13,690 --> 00:08:16,366 I'm horrified that he's even here. 193 00:08:16,373 --> 00:08:19,045 excuse me. Can I talk to you use? 194 00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:20,746 What? 195 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,734 Youse a bunch of white boys, right? 196 00:08:22,779 --> 00:08:24,845 Can I axe you a question? 197 00:08:24,851 --> 00:08:27,948 When you be in the clubs and you be dancing, 198 00:08:27,958 --> 00:08:30,095 why you look so stupid? 199 00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:31,994 I'm just playin'. 200 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,205 So youse a big man, right? 201 00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:36,404 But you got such tiny boots on. 202 00:08:36,411 --> 00:08:38,329 That means you got a small pecker. 203 00:08:38,334 --> 00:08:41,099 I'm sorry. I'm just playin'. 204 00:08:41,108 --> 00:08:43,412 I'm Martina Martinez. 205 00:08:54,376 --> 00:08:58,917 Okay, attention, ladies, gentlemen, hotties and beefcakes. 206 00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:02,397 You were brought here because you are the most beautiful people in all of Philadelphia. 207 00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:06,331 And as such, the honor has been bestowed upon all of you 208 00:09:06,342 --> 00:09:10,403 to compete in Paddy's first Next Top Billboard Model contest. 209 00:09:10,414 --> 00:09:12,331 - What's the pay? - What?! 210 00:09:12,338 --> 00:09:13,722 What is the pay? 211 00:09:13,726 --> 00:09:17,243 The pay, sir, is getting your face 40 feet up on a billboard. 212 00:09:17,253 --> 00:09:19,803 - So there's no pay then? - I just told you what the pay is. 213 00:09:19,811 --> 00:09:21,379 He told you what the goddamn pay was. 214 00:09:21,384 --> 00:09:22,840 - The billboard thing. - Were you not listening? 215 00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:25,645 - Well, I'm outta here. - Fine. Fine. You leave. 216 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,258 We don't need you people. Everybody else. 217 00:09:28,582 --> 00:09:32,098 Let's take their lack of dedication as a lesson, shall we? 218 00:09:32,301 --> 00:09:34,760 Competitions like this aren't about money. 219 00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,327 They're about fame. 220 00:09:36,332 --> 00:09:38,990 They are about putting yourself on display to the world and 221 00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:42,220 saying, "I'm good enough because I beat everyone else, 222 00:09:42,229 --> 00:09:45,056 - and I got myself up on a billboard." - Not so fast. 223 00:09:47,144 --> 00:09:49,050 What the hell are you doing here? 224 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:51,095 I want in the competion. 225 00:09:51,873 --> 00:09:53,577 Approach. 226 00:09:53,777 --> 00:09:57,118 Dennis, I told you you don't have the right stuff. 227 00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:59,975 I got the right stuff, Frank. I can win this thing, I know it. 228 00:09:59,984 --> 00:10:01,876 All right, judges' side bar. 229 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:04,942 Do you want to let him in? 230 00:10:04,949 --> 00:10:06,919 Bro, he's been talking about this modeling thing for years. 231 00:10:06,924 --> 00:10:08,619 If only to shut him up. 232 00:10:12,398 --> 00:10:15,104 - You're in. - Oh, yeah! Yes! Huh? 233 00:10:17,065 --> 00:10:18,924 You... 234 00:10:19,272 --> 00:10:24,129 Okay, the first competion is the underwear competion. 235 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,116 Boom! 236 00:10:32,268 --> 00:10:34,395 How's your face, Dee? 237 00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:35,888 How do you think it is, Charlie? 238 00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:38,683 You kept hitting me over and over in the same spot with a volleyball. 239 00:10:38,692 --> 00:10:40,709 And I was explicitly clear: no more Green Man. 240 00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:42,835 Come on. Green Man's what makes this thing work. 241 00:10:42,841 --> 00:10:45,631 Green Man is not what makes it work, Charlie. 242 00:10:45,681 --> 00:10:47,483 My characters are what make it work. 243 00:10:47,488 --> 00:10:49,270 No more Green Man. And we're not doing it anymore. 244 00:10:49,276 --> 00:10:51,131 All right. Geez, relax. 245 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,197 You're nothing without Green Man. 246 00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:56,800 shit. 247 00:10:56,805 --> 00:10:58,238 Dee, you know what? 248 00:10:58,243 --> 00:11:00,479 This is all like a bad frame and stuff. 249 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:02,251 This isn't gonna work. We got to do it again. 250 00:11:02,257 --> 00:11:03,140 What? 251 00:11:03,144 --> 00:11:05,729 The camera was too low. We got to... 252 00:11:07,328 --> 00:11:09,479 Hey, diary. It's me. 253 00:11:09,486 --> 00:11:13,112 It's Thursday, September 30th about midnight. 254 00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:16,789 I'm alone, of course, again. 255 00:11:16,799 --> 00:11:19,277 And I just had a little bit too much ice cream. 256 00:11:19,285 --> 00:11:20,788 Interesting. 257 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:23,143 Okay, Frank, can I talk to you for a second? 258 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,493 What's up? 259 00:11:24,497 --> 00:11:27,166 Bro, originally, my plan was to just bang a bunch of models, right? 260 00:11:27,174 --> 00:11:29,410 Okay, but after talking to a few of them, 261 00:11:29,418 --> 00:11:31,868 I feel like I could find my true love here. 262 00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:34,738 You think you could fall in love with one of these broads? 263 00:11:34,746 --> 00:11:37,241 Yeah, dude, eventually, I got to settle down, right? 264 00:11:37,249 --> 00:11:39,658 Spread my seed. Haven't you ever seen The Bachelor? 265 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:41,543 Look, you get a whole bunch of them together, you make them 266 00:11:41,548 --> 00:11:43,638 compete over you, bing-bang-boom, soulmate. 267 00:11:43,646 --> 00:11:45,593 that sounds good. 268 00:11:45,598 --> 00:11:49,873 Well, okay, you take the girls, and I'll take Dennis and the dudes. 269 00:11:49,886 --> 00:11:51,392 - Really? - Yeah. 270 00:11:51,397 --> 00:11:52,922 - You'll just give me the girls? - Absolutely. 271 00:11:52,926 --> 00:11:54,743 - I can have my own competition. - Awesome. 272 00:11:54,749 --> 00:11:56,404 I don't understand it, but I don't care. 273 00:11:56,410 --> 00:11:58,324 - All right, thanks, bud. - All right. See ya. 274 00:11:58,330 --> 00:12:00,348 All right, whatever. Thank you. 275 00:12:00,354 --> 00:12:03,084 All right, where are all my male models? 276 00:12:03,092 --> 00:12:04,894 Come forward. Come forward. 277 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:08,246 Okay, as you know, in the world of modeling, 278 00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:12,147 you're sometimes asked to model a theme. 279 00:12:12,387 --> 00:12:14,896 Today's theme is barnyard. 280 00:12:14,905 --> 00:12:18,293 Okay, everybody, come on the stage that I have prepared to 281 00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:20,037 give you a little ambience. 282 00:12:20,042 --> 00:12:23,201 Okay, here's a baby pool that you're all going to get into. 283 00:12:23,211 --> 00:12:26,724 And there's a lot of hay and there's some chickens and ducks. 284 00:12:26,734 --> 00:12:29,242 What the hell, bro? Is this supposed to be dirt? It smells like shit. 285 00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:31,954 It is shit. This is a barnyard. 286 00:12:31,962 --> 00:12:34,038 No one is going to step in shit. 287 00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:36,662 Rex, are you kidding me? Seriously, are you just gonna step right in it? 288 00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:39,003 I want to win, bro. Billboard. 289 00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:45,357 Dee, what is this getup? What are you doing now? 290 00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:46,747 What is that? 291 00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:49,012 okay. This is Taiwan Tammy. 292 00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:52,960 She on runway and do a drag queen in nails. 293 00:12:52,970 --> 00:12:54,574 thank you! 294 00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:57,420 Are you kidding me? That is extremely racist. 295 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,322 Isn't it awesome? I'm so excited about this one. 296 00:12:59,328 --> 00:13:01,772 All right, well, good luck to you on that. 297 00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,831 Why are you hands in your pockets? 298 00:13:03,837 --> 00:13:05,482 They're itchy. 299 00:13:05,487 --> 00:13:07,049 - Your hands are itchy? - My hands are a little itchy. 300 00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:08,874 Your hands are in your pockets 'cause they're itchy? 301 00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:11,774 Goddamn it! I knew it! Charlie, what are you doing? 302 00:13:11,783 --> 00:13:13,927 - I said no Green Man! - Green Man sells this whole thing. 303 00:13:13,934 --> 00:13:16,638 It doesn't make any sense! Goddamn it, Charlie! 304 00:13:16,646 --> 00:13:18,755 - Hey, I know you. - What? 305 00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:22,867 Yeah, you that, that girl, PatheticGirl43. 306 00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:24,119 PatheticGirl? 307 00:13:24,123 --> 00:13:26,025 I almost didn't recognize you in that getup, but I recognize 308 00:13:26,031 --> 00:13:27,815 that whiny voice anywhere. 309 00:13:27,821 --> 00:13:31,173 Hey, you mind if we get a picture together? 310 00:13:31,182 --> 00:13:33,691 Yeah, let's get a picture. I can't believe you recognized us. 311 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,591 You saw the YouTube thing, right? 312 00:13:35,596 --> 00:13:37,152 Charlie, what is going on? 313 00:13:37,157 --> 00:13:38,891 I'll show you later. 314 00:13:40,056 --> 00:13:45,140 In other news, it seems like I have a rash in a place where 315 00:13:45,154 --> 00:13:47,145 a sexually active person should have a rash. 316 00:13:47,152 --> 00:13:48,866 Green Man! 317 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,583 Oh, my God, you put that on YouTube? 318 00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:55,371 - Oh, my God, I totally did. - Charlie, why would you do that to me? 319 00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:58,167 - Because that's great stuff. - That was my private video diary. 320 00:13:58,175 --> 00:14:00,157 - 80,000 hits. - 80,000? 321 00:14:00,164 --> 00:14:02,713 80,000 hits, Dee. That's huge! 322 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,586 - Big numbers. - Yeah, come on. 323 00:14:04,592 --> 00:14:06,282 Don't take this to heart. Don't take this the wrong way. 324 00:14:06,288 --> 00:14:07,984 Hey, look, you got recognized on the street today. 325 00:14:07,989 --> 00:14:09,774 - That happened. - So did I. 326 00:14:09,779 --> 00:14:11,232 - Well, it was me first. - But the point 327 00:14:11,237 --> 00:14:14,304 is that's the first step to becoming hugely famous... 328 00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:16,600 - Pretty awesome. - is people noticing you on the Internet 329 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,317 - 80,00 hits. - That's a lot of hits, Charlie. 330 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,785 You know what it's like for Chocolate Rain 331 00:14:20,790 --> 00:14:22,592 - when he goes around in the world? - He gets free food. 332 00:14:22,597 --> 00:14:25,229 He gets free everything because people love that guy. 333 00:14:25,237 --> 00:14:28,630 Charlie, fire up that video camera. 334 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:29,906 There you go. 335 00:14:32,156 --> 00:14:36,205 Okay, Anya, so they are in fact, double Ds. 336 00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:38,289 That's great news. 337 00:14:38,297 --> 00:14:40,918 Well, you got a great look, no denying that. 338 00:14:40,936 --> 00:14:42,657 Let me ask you a question, though. 339 00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,911 Why should I pick you over the other girls? 340 00:14:44,919 --> 00:14:48,279 I'm willing to do anything in order to win. 341 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,052 You're talking about banging me, right? 342 00:14:50,058 --> 00:14:51,360 Maybe. 343 00:14:51,365 --> 00:14:53,102 - If you say yes... - Yes. 344 00:14:53,107 --> 00:14:54,636 Okay, great. You said yes. 345 00:14:54,641 --> 00:14:56,103 Okay, Anya said yes. 346 00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:58,073 That's written down now. That's like a contract. 347 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,048 All right, perfect. Can't go back on it. 348 00:15:00,054 --> 00:15:01,549 All right, well, thank you for coming in. 349 00:15:01,554 --> 00:15:02,848 - Thank you. - Nice talking to you. 350 00:15:02,852 --> 00:15:04,547 - You, too. - You got a great shot. 351 00:15:04,553 --> 00:15:06,531 You got a great ass. 352 00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:07,830 All right. 353 00:15:09,855 --> 00:15:12,527 - Hi. - Hi. Rochelle. 354 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:13,494 Yes. 355 00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:16,191 Rochelle, Rochelle, Rochelle. Thank you for coming in. 356 00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:18,633 I'm having all the girls come in just to make sure we vibe. 357 00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:19,623 Of course. 358 00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:22,494 What's the difference between you and the rest of the girls? 359 00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:26,433 Well, my heart is in this 100% 360 00:15:26,445 --> 00:15:28,956 and for more than just a billboard. 361 00:15:28,963 --> 00:15:30,854 For more than a billboard? 362 00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:32,765 That's interesting. I haven't heard that yet. 363 00:15:32,771 --> 00:15:33,604 No? 364 00:15:33,607 --> 00:15:35,508 I feel like there's vibing happening right now. 365 00:15:35,514 --> 00:15:37,233 This is the vibing I'm talking about. 366 00:15:37,239 --> 00:15:38,253 Yeah. 367 00:15:38,256 --> 00:15:39,902 I feel like we're completing each other's... 368 00:15:39,907 --> 00:15:41,025 ... sentences. 369 00:15:41,029 --> 00:15:42,862 Yeah, I was gonna say sentences! 370 00:15:42,868 --> 00:15:44,631 - I know. - Oh, my God! 371 00:15:44,637 --> 00:15:46,514 - How did you read my...? - ...mind? 372 00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:49,587 I was gonna say "head," but that's okay, that's all right. 373 00:15:49,595 --> 00:15:51,228 We got, we're one for two. 374 00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:53,520 - Okay. - That's okay. 50%. 375 00:15:53,527 --> 00:15:55,870 You and I are gonna get along very well. 376 00:16:00,287 --> 00:16:04,578 Rex, that is a sexy jaguar. 377 00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:08,976 I mean, that jaguar is fierce! 378 00:16:08,988 --> 00:16:12,298 I've never been turned on by a jaguar before. 379 00:16:12,308 --> 00:16:16,396 This has totally changed my mind toward jaguars. 380 00:16:17,194 --> 00:16:20,686 Dennis, your mule is shit. 381 00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:23,454 I'm no longer turned on by mules. 382 00:16:23,463 --> 00:16:25,269 You gave Rex jaguar! 383 00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:27,030 There aren't jaguars in barns. 384 00:16:27,035 --> 00:16:28,587 What the hell am I supposed to do with a mule? 385 00:16:28,592 --> 00:16:30,189 You can't make a mule sexy. 386 00:16:30,195 --> 00:16:32,595 Dennis, you've been out modeled. 387 00:16:32,602 --> 00:16:34,069 I have not been out modeled. 388 00:16:34,074 --> 00:16:36,151 I haven't even begun to work this hot body. 389 00:16:36,158 --> 00:16:38,021 What's the next event? 390 00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:40,794 The clothes-off pose-off. 391 00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:50,435 Jesus Christ, Frank. 392 00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:52,444 I got burns! What are you doing? 393 00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:54,613 Anything can happen on a runway, Dennis. 394 00:16:54,619 --> 00:16:57,530 Nobody's gonna throw detergent in my eyeballs on a runway, Frank! 395 00:16:57,539 --> 00:16:59,295 And you think that was bad. 396 00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:01,685 Check out this tasty delight. 397 00:17:01,693 --> 00:17:04,077 You got to eat cockroaches next. 398 00:17:04,084 --> 00:17:06,124 You know what, man? Screw this. I'm outta here. 399 00:17:06,999 --> 00:17:08,635 Finished. 400 00:17:08,641 --> 00:17:11,689 Jesus, Rex, I didn't tell you to start eating yet. 401 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,872 That doesn't disqualify me, does it? 402 00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:16,093 No, you're good. 403 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,494 hey, diary. 404 00:17:18,499 --> 00:17:20,873 Listen, today was the worst day ever. 405 00:17:20,881 --> 00:17:24,396 I had an audition, and I didn't get the part, which is really, really strange for me. 406 00:17:24,406 --> 00:17:27,250 But then the casting director called, and they were, like, 407 00:17:27,258 --> 00:17:29,129 "We thought you were just better for a different part." 408 00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,108 And I was, like, "That makes more sense." 409 00:17:31,114 --> 00:17:32,458 - Cut, cut! - What are you doing? That was great. 410 00:17:32,462 --> 00:17:33,609 What are you doing? 411 00:17:33,613 --> 00:17:36,329 Why don't you do it like you did the first time? Dee, this is just weird. 412 00:17:36,338 --> 00:17:37,750 This is what I do. I just talk into the camera about my life. 413 00:17:37,754 --> 00:17:39,155 Are you kidding? You never do this. 414 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,347 You have all these colors on your face, your mouth is going like this. 415 00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:43,463 Don't bust my balls. This is great exposure for me. 416 00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:44,914 - This is stupid, Dee. - Hey, Charlie, you are here. 417 00:17:44,918 --> 00:17:46,515 - what the hell's going on? - I don't know. 418 00:17:46,526 --> 00:17:49,248 - Doesn't she look ridiculous? - Get out of here! What are you doing here? 419 00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:50,674 - He almost didn't recognize you? - Are you guys shooting a porn? 420 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,107 - No, we're not... - Never mind. I don't care. 421 00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:53,952 Listen, we need to get that company credit card from Frank. 422 00:17:53,958 --> 00:17:55,941 - Yeah? What's up? - Dude, I realized something. 423 00:17:55,947 --> 00:17:58,048 I don't need validation anymore. How great is that? 424 00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:00,160 But what I do need is I need the company credit card so that 425 00:18:00,168 --> 00:18:02,359 I can buy myself a billboard, get myself out there and show the 426 00:18:02,365 --> 00:18:04,889 entire world that Dennis Reynolds still has a rocking body 427 00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:06,186 that deserves to be worshipped. 428 00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:07,631 Get out of here! We're in the middle of something. 429 00:18:07,636 --> 00:18:09,132 - No, you get out of here. - Get out! 430 00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:11,431 Help me get the credit card. I need that billboard! 431 00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:13,785 Hang on a second. Okay, look, guys, guys, 432 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,025 there's a way to make you guys both happy, all right? 433 00:18:16,032 --> 00:18:18,034 I got a pretty good plan how to do this. 434 00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:22,921 Hey, everybody, PatheticGirl43 here coming 435 00:18:22,930 --> 00:18:25,915 to you live with Philadelphia's next hot model Dennis Reynolds. 436 00:18:25,923 --> 00:18:28,770 Dennis, tell us what it's like to be so handsome. 437 00:18:28,779 --> 00:18:32,753 Well, I like to think I've been this handsome since birth, possibly even earlier. 438 00:18:32,765 --> 00:18:34,683 Green Man! 439 00:18:40,839 --> 00:18:44,823 This shamrock... will be awarded to the winner as 440 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:48,729 a symbol of my vote and love for this competion. 441 00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:55,680 Rochelle, you taught me about love, respect, inner beauty. 442 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:02,865 Dominique, you banged me, like, right away. 443 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,104 I hardly had to do anything. Tabitha, you did the same. 444 00:19:06,114 --> 00:19:09,125 But most importantly, you banged each other. 445 00:19:09,784 --> 00:19:11,862 And you let me watch. 446 00:19:12,056 --> 00:19:13,469 Awesome. 447 00:19:14,596 --> 00:19:18,264 But when I was making this decision, 448 00:19:18,275 --> 00:19:20,247 I thought long and hard and I thought, 449 00:19:20,253 --> 00:19:22,305 "I have to go with my heart. 450 00:19:22,591 --> 00:19:25,074 I have to go with my heart." 451 00:19:26,271 --> 00:19:29,566 So I'm gonna do something a little unorthodox here. 452 00:19:31,010 --> 00:19:33,862 A top of the morning to both of you! 453 00:19:34,213 --> 00:19:35,430 What? 454 00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:38,089 I had two of them. I had another one here. I tricked you. 455 00:19:38,098 --> 00:19:39,567 I got both of you guys. 456 00:19:39,571 --> 00:19:42,559 But you just said that I taught you about inner beauty and respect. 457 00:19:42,568 --> 00:19:45,899 Yeah, but this whole thing's about banging, and you didn't bang me, so... 458 00:19:46,122 --> 00:19:48,016 - You're a dick! - I know. 459 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,110 And that's what I learned. 460 00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:55,336 Check it out. Check it out! 461 00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:58,084 - What is it? - I'll tell you what it is, bitch. 462 00:19:58,093 --> 00:20:00,625 It's a YouTube video that me, Dee and and Charlie just made 463 00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:03,321 that's gonna get a million hits. So guess what, pal. 464 00:20:03,329 --> 00:20:05,738 Don't need your billboard. I'm going viral. 465 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,790 I'm glad you don't need it because you can't have it because it's already up. 466 00:20:08,798 --> 00:20:09,830 What? 467 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:12,636 Yeah, I put it up right after you called me ugly. 468 00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,422 There's no billboard? 469 00:20:14,427 --> 00:20:17,524 Oh, yeah, sorry about that, Rex. My bad. 470 00:20:17,534 --> 00:20:19,993 So wait. If you already put the billboard up, 471 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,942 what'd you put on it? 36343

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