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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:45,221 --> 00:00:47,950 Hello, good night, ahem... good morning Mrs... 4 00:00:48,127 --> 00:00:50,315 Mrs. Earl-Duke Margherita Semenzara! 5 00:00:50,648 --> 00:00:54,523 How did I know it was you? I didn't. I could swear it was you. 6 00:00:54,794 --> 00:00:57,440 I recognized you by your noble voice. 7 00:00:57,533 --> 00:01:00,908 You'd like to speak with your noble husband? 8 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:05,585 He's in Standing Commettee since last night in the "Great Council of the 10 Absentees". 9 00:01:05,763 --> 00:01:08,513 I have precise orders not to put anyone through... 10 00:01:09,158 --> 00:01:10,794 But if you really insist... 11 00:01:10,825 --> 00:01:12,346 Oh, you're not insisting? You're... 12 00:01:12,460 --> 00:01:13,398 ...commanding me? OK. 13 00:01:13,565 --> 00:01:16,440 In that case, hold on I'll put you through to the Council. 14 00:01:16,898 --> 00:01:17,992 Just a moment. 15 00:01:18,148 --> 00:01:20,544 Hello? Council of the Ten Absentees here. 16 00:01:20,773 --> 00:01:24,273 I have a call for Earl Semenzara, from Mrs. Earl... Earl-Duke. 17 00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,044 Please wait. 18 00:01:26,148 --> 00:01:28,981 Please wait Mrs, while I put your husband through. 19 00:01:33,075 --> 00:01:38,752 Hello! Here I am, my jealous dearie. Did you think I was out boning whores? He-he 20 00:01:39,325 --> 00:01:42,617 Semenzara doesn't fool around. Semenzara works even at night... 21 00:01:42,617 --> 00:01:44,523 to sustain you and the family. 22 00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:46,533 He's not afraid of being checked upon. 23 00:01:46,585 --> 00:01:49,221 Now forgive me but I must go. We've got a voting. 24 00:01:49,221 --> 00:01:50,367 Bye, bye... 25 00:01:52,867 --> 00:01:53,752 What did you say? 26 00:01:53,794 --> 00:01:58,356 Nothing, he just sped up a bit because he had to go voting. 27 00:01:59,283 --> 00:02:02,575 He said to rest easy. 28 00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:08,065 Alright, goodnight... good day... ahem... bye, Mrs. Earl-Duke. 29 00:02:32,127 --> 00:02:39,335 - Who goes there? - Fantozzi Ugo, accountant, ID 7829/bis. I was doing overtime. 30 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,075 You could have warned me! 31 00:02:41,877 --> 00:02:46,190 Sorry if I startled you, Mr. Night-watchman. 32 00:02:53,856 --> 00:02:58,210 Thank you, good day and goodnight. Goodbye, Mr Night-watchman. 33 00:03:14,138 --> 00:03:15,315 Good morning, madam. 34 00:03:22,763 --> 00:03:26,721 No, please! Your colleague upstairs shot me already! 35 00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:31,898 Apologies. Maybe the next time. Good... good day! 36 00:03:44,773 --> 00:03:47,492 - We're waiting for you. - We're waiting for you. 37 00:03:50,242 --> 00:03:52,013 WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU 38 00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:43,638 Let me through! 39 00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:48,585 Please! They are awaiting me at home. 40 00:04:51,106 --> 00:04:53,106 Coward! Leave the windscreen alone! 41 00:04:53,106 --> 00:04:56,252 - Take this! - Miserable rascal! 42 00:04:56,252 --> 00:05:00,190 Who do you think you are with that old wreck? You think you own the road? 43 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:40,054 How many times do I have to tell you that I must, I should... 44 00:05:40,471 --> 00:05:44,846 go home because I just finished work...iiiiing? 45 00:05:55,752 --> 00:06:00,950 ITAL-PETROL-CEMENT-THERMO-TEXIL- PHARMA-METAL-CHEMICALS 46 00:06:35,867 --> 00:06:38,492 For you, accountant. It's very urgent! 47 00:06:38,721 --> 00:06:41,627 Surveyor, are you ready? F-7. 48 00:06:42,075 --> 00:06:43,940 Damn! Hit at the first go! 49 00:06:44,033 --> 00:06:46,523 - You hit a cruiser. - Good! 50 00:06:47,398 --> 00:06:50,710 - Today I would begin with 27. - Very well, and you? 51 00:06:50,742 --> 00:06:53,033 The series from 5 to 8 for 100,000 Liras. 52 00:06:53,117 --> 00:06:54,075 Let's proceed. 53 00:06:59,575 --> 00:07:02,710 In order to choose the employee who would follow 54 00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:08,356 the Almighty Sensational Director Sir Earl-Duke Pier Carlo Semenzara... 55 00:07:08,523 --> 00:07:13,575 to gamble at Monte Carlo, a terrible draw was arranged in the canteen. 56 00:07:13,627 --> 00:07:17,148 Even the Internal Committee was involved in this. 57 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:23,617 The ceremony organizer was accountant Filini, from the Accidents Department. 58 00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:26,315 Attention! 59 00:07:33,835 --> 00:07:36,273 - Let's proceed. - Yes, Your Excellency. 60 00:07:36,346 --> 00:07:37,523 Miss Silvani! 61 00:07:38,919 --> 00:07:39,669 Beg your pardon! 62 00:07:39,888 --> 00:07:42,065 Mrs. Silvani-Calboni! 63 00:07:42,408 --> 00:07:43,971 - Me? - Yes. 64 00:07:44,013 --> 00:07:48,169 The person choosen to draw the name of the elect was Mrs. Calboni... 65 00:07:48,169 --> 00:07:50,096 former Miss Silvani. 66 00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:52,783 and former Fantozzi's unfortunate true love. 67 00:07:52,971 --> 00:07:58,065 whom since her marriage he hadn't dared touching even in his dreams. 68 00:07:58,096 --> 00:08:01,138 - Excuse me if I have my back to you. - I must blindfold you. 69 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,783 - Pardon. - Easy. 70 00:08:05,533 --> 00:08:07,158 - Can you see? - No! 71 00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:12,388 It was a truly monstrous occasion... 72 00:08:12,398 --> 00:08:15,856 Three days in Monte Carlo to watch Semenzara gamble. 73 00:08:16,325 --> 00:08:19,606 and if the escort was suspected of bringing good luck... 74 00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:21,783 he would have been sorted for life! 75 00:08:25,627 --> 00:08:27,283 Sweet Heart of Jesus, source of love and mercy... 76 00:08:27,388 --> 00:08:30,440 Kyrie Eleison, Christi Eleision... 77 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,763 Virgin Mary of the Snow, Saint... 78 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,190 Silence! 79 00:08:34,898 --> 00:08:35,971 Who's praying? 80 00:08:40,617 --> 00:08:41,502 Thank you. 81 00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:59,471 ID 7829/bis. 82 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:09,596 Fantozzi was mistakenly declared dead for over 4 hours! 83 00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:14,002 - Congratulation accountant Fantozzi! - Well done "pumpkin"! 84 00:09:14,002 --> 00:09:15,940 Three cheers for accountant Fantozzi! 85 00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:19,981 Hip, hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, hip, hurray! 86 00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:23,731 Congratulations! 87 00:09:23,846 --> 00:09:26,888 Thank you! Thank you! Drinks are on me. 88 00:09:26,888 --> 00:09:28,450 At least thank me. 89 00:09:28,783 --> 00:09:29,502 For what? 90 00:09:30,346 --> 00:09:33,356 It's all thanks to my lady, Silvani-Calboni. 91 00:09:33,429 --> 00:09:36,367 Let's say that I've been your lucky charm, Fantozzi. 92 00:09:36,908 --> 00:09:40,169 Let me repay you. A drink? 93 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:45,138 No, thank you. In return, do me a favour. Come, come. 94 00:09:45,513 --> 00:09:46,742 Yes, where? 95 00:09:48,013 --> 00:09:49,888 Lucky bastard! Makes me sick! 96 00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:52,106 - He has been kissed by Fortune. - I hate him! 97 00:09:52,981 --> 00:09:55,856 Here! 98 00:09:56,065 --> 00:09:57,804 Do you want me to change it? 99 00:09:58,252 --> 00:10:01,877 No, Fantozzi. Play Roulette... 100 00:10:03,023 --> 00:10:03,981 ...for me. 101 00:10:05,106 --> 00:10:08,575 Yes but, is your husband OK with that? I mean, does he know? 102 00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:11,523 We are a modern couple. Open-minded. 103 00:10:13,002 --> 00:10:14,429 Bet it on number 27, Fantozzi. 104 00:10:15,127 --> 00:10:16,523 Yes. 105 00:10:16,585 --> 00:10:18,179 When you feel inspired. 106 00:10:19,148 --> 00:10:23,523 27, just like my age. 107 00:10:26,294 --> 00:10:31,429 To think that I would have played number 14 at the most, or even 4. 108 00:10:32,773 --> 00:10:34,429 Goodbye Pina! Goodbye Mariangela! 109 00:10:34,596 --> 00:10:36,981 Here's the trai... trai... train. 110 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:44,627 I must admit we are quite early. 111 00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:47,950 The train for Montecarlo was scheduled at 11:37 PM. 112 00:10:48,325 --> 00:10:51,783 Fantozzi showed up on the platfom at 4:12 PM. 113 00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:53,523 7 hours earlier! 114 00:10:53,544 --> 00:10:55,544 Mrs. Pina and Mariangela were there... 115 00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:58,273 to witness his triumphant departure. 116 00:11:01,429 --> 00:11:03,617 THERE HE IS! The Earl-Duke. 117 00:11:04,721 --> 00:11:06,513 Good evening, Sir! 118 00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:09,617 Make room! Clear the way for the Earl-Duke. 119 00:11:11,002 --> 00:11:12,825 Clear the way for Earl-Duke Semenzara! 120 00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:17,648 Sir Earl-Duke, allow me the honor to present you... 121 00:11:18,856 --> 00:11:22,242 Who are those two jinxes? Who do you want present me? 122 00:11:22,773 --> 00:11:28,992 Nobody! I want to present my humble apologies if I accidentally touched your elbow. 123 00:11:29,335 --> 00:11:31,263 So you have no relation with those two things? 124 00:11:31,856 --> 00:11:34,825 Absolutely not! Never seen them in my life! 125 00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:37,492 - Don't look at them! - I won't! 126 00:11:37,492 --> 00:11:39,398 - Touch balls for luck. - I will! 127 00:11:41,096 --> 00:11:42,846 I hope they are not on our train. 128 00:11:43,054 --> 00:11:44,523 No, I don't think so. 129 00:11:49,252 --> 00:11:51,731 I think they are leaving. Yes, they are. 130 00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:54,075 They are leaving. 131 00:11:56,002 --> 00:11:58,117 That's it, they're gone. 132 00:11:58,742 --> 00:12:01,096 - Thank goodness! - Indeed, indeed! 133 00:12:01,992 --> 00:12:04,606 Excuse me, I get my... 134 00:12:05,523 --> 00:12:09,283 They even had a purple suitcase, the colour of bad luck! 135 00:12:10,554 --> 00:12:12,835 By the way, don't you have any luggage? 136 00:12:13,523 --> 00:12:15,867 No! No, I don't. 137 00:12:16,856 --> 00:12:18,106 Not even a small suitcase? 138 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,804 I had a nice big suitcase, full of stuff... 139 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,356 but I don't bring it to stations... 140 00:12:25,106 --> 00:12:26,315 too many thieves around. 141 00:12:26,898 --> 00:12:30,919 But I'm wearing everything: 5 shirts, 12 pairs of pants... 142 00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,117 and 16 pairs of socks. 143 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,481 Very well. Here comes the train. 144 00:12:34,658 --> 00:12:36,200 Please let me, Earl-Duke! 145 00:12:37,908 --> 00:12:39,481 Halt! Just a moment! 146 00:12:40,773 --> 00:12:43,971 - What is this about? - He's mine, keep your hands off! 147 00:12:45,013 --> 00:12:46,367 The Earl-Duke is mine! 148 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,898 I'll take the seats! 149 00:12:49,929 --> 00:12:52,450 Taken, taken, taken, taken, taken, taken! 150 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,179 It's all taken! The whole car! 151 00:12:56,710 --> 00:12:59,023 Young man, have you ever been on a sleeping car before? 152 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,575 No, sorry... I admit it. 153 00:13:06,075 --> 00:13:08,398 I have reserved room 18. 154 00:13:08,929 --> 00:13:09,919 18?! 155 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,575 Sir Earl... 156 00:13:13,065 --> 00:13:15,440 Come, Earl-Duke. Room 18. 157 00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:17,408 Come, come! At your disposal. 158 00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:19,190 A little shine here. 159 00:13:19,606 --> 00:13:21,210 What the heck are you doing? 160 00:13:21,783 --> 00:13:24,460 Here I think we have... 161 00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:25,825 ... the bidét. 162 00:13:26,481 --> 00:13:27,242 What? 163 00:13:27,335 --> 00:13:28,377 What is this then? 164 00:13:32,315 --> 00:13:33,981 - Did you hurt yourself? - It's nothing, nothing... 165 00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,710 I only lost the use of the first two phalanxes 166 00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:40,617 of the pinky and the ring-finger. Excuse me while I retrieve my hand. 167 00:13:42,804 --> 00:13:49,502 And here is your glass for drinking. 168 00:13:49,565 --> 00:13:50,908 - Bah! - No, what is it? 169 00:13:51,752 --> 00:13:55,408 No, of course! This is your noble chamber pot. 170 00:13:55,783 --> 00:13:57,752 May I undress you, Sir Earl-Duke? 171 00:13:58,013 --> 00:13:59,908 No, no, no! Go to your room. 172 00:13:59,981 --> 00:14:03,117 But I don't have a room. In order to avoid economical burden to the Company... 173 00:14:03,606 --> 00:14:06,929 I dared booking in 2nd Class since 3rd Class has been abolished. 174 00:14:07,377 --> 00:14:09,533 If regulation allows it, I could sleep... 175 00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:10,867 crouched here. 176 00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:12,658 It's not allowed, it's not allowed! 177 00:14:14,106 --> 00:14:15,981 Well, then if you allow me I'll retire to my car. 178 00:14:19,544 --> 00:14:23,033 Go to 2nd Class, I'm sure you'll find it very comfortable. 179 00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:23,658 Goodnight. 180 00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:34,190 Tickets please. Tickets. 181 00:14:40,544 --> 00:14:42,492 I hope you slept well, young man. 182 00:14:42,596 --> 00:14:45,335 I spent a sleepless night on that bloody train. 183 00:14:45,356 --> 00:14:48,533 - I was right on the wheels. - I slept very well. 184 00:14:48,575 --> 00:14:50,085 - Good evening! - Hi there! 185 00:14:50,450 --> 00:14:54,190 The Earl-Duke, like any other gambler... 186 00:14:54,231 --> 00:14:58,158 was a victim of superstition and odd rituals. 187 00:14:58,210 --> 00:15:00,940 Ah-Weh-Wee, good luck come to me. 188 00:15:01,002 --> 00:15:03,981 Wee-Weh-Weir, good luck cometh here. 189 00:15:04,054 --> 00:15:06,783 Ah-Weh-Wim, good luck is not with him. 190 00:15:10,304 --> 00:15:11,356 Sorry. 191 00:15:12,231 --> 00:15:13,450 Chips! 192 00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:21,533 Wait, I wasn't placing a bet. 193 00:15:24,794 --> 00:15:26,117 Here, Duke! Sir Earl-Duke. 194 00:15:27,815 --> 00:15:28,898 Sit down! 195 00:15:31,877 --> 00:15:35,835 Excuse me, Sir Earl-Duke, but there is no chair. 196 00:15:36,148 --> 00:15:38,138 - Sit down anyway! - Alright then. 197 00:15:39,596 --> 00:15:40,898 Here, done. 198 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,294 And touch my buttocks! 199 00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:45,606 Excuse me... but how? 200 00:15:45,763 --> 00:15:48,190 Put your hand under it. Come on! 201 00:16:15,085 --> 00:16:16,596 Nine! 202 00:16:17,565 --> 00:16:18,648 What happened? 203 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,117 My foot was under yours, Sir Earl-Duke. 204 00:16:21,294 --> 00:16:24,283 Put your foot back under mine. Don't interrupt the flow. 205 00:16:24,627 --> 00:16:26,533 Everything must remain the same. 206 00:16:26,981 --> 00:16:28,981 - And keep touching my buttocks. - Touching the... 207 00:16:28,981 --> 00:16:30,200 ...buttocks, yes. 208 00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:32,106 Un millón. 209 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,335 Eight! 210 00:16:47,356 --> 00:16:50,242 A horrible but short-lasting suffering... 211 00:16:50,356 --> 00:16:53,783 because within two rounds, Semenzara lost everything... 212 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,794 and went under for 48 lbs of chips. 213 00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:06,148 And you... stop touching my ARSE! 214 00:17:17,231 --> 00:17:22,075 Around 3 AM, the Earl-Duke got damn lucky... 215 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,450 banking big time. 216 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:28,877 What are you doing there? 217 00:17:29,575 --> 00:17:32,273 Me? I dared drinking a sip of mineral water. 218 00:17:32,815 --> 00:17:35,283 Good, good! Keep on drinking! 219 00:17:35,419 --> 00:17:39,742 Valet, bring 25 more bottles of mineral water... 220 00:17:39,742 --> 00:17:40,783 ...of that brand. 221 00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:43,575 It was the infamous Bertier water. 222 00:17:43,648 --> 00:17:45,763 The most fizzy on Earth. 223 00:17:47,242 --> 00:17:48,533 Nine! 224 00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:51,658 Keep drinking! Keep drinking! 225 00:17:52,252 --> 00:17:53,106 Sorry. 226 00:18:04,065 --> 00:18:09,460 - What's your rank in the Company? - Me? 12th level, the lowest. 227 00:18:09,752 --> 00:18:11,429 You're promoted to 11th level. 228 00:18:11,877 --> 00:18:15,898 11th? Entitled to personal desk and imitation suede armchair! 229 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,898 Yes, of course. But keep drinking! 230 00:18:19,742 --> 00:18:23,908 In the next 2 hours Fantozzi drank 4 crates of Bertier water... 231 00:18:24,148 --> 00:18:26,929 The equivalent of 4 cubic yards of compressed air. 232 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,658 Therefore he had to anchor himself like a weather balloon. 233 00:18:41,481 --> 00:18:42,992 No, no. Give me the chair. 234 00:18:44,117 --> 00:18:46,721 - Give me the chair! - Stay calm. 235 00:18:48,992 --> 00:18:51,231 It may fall and hurt somebody. 236 00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,273 The chair belongs to the Casino. You may go. 237 00:18:55,398 --> 00:18:57,440 On the other hand, during those 2 hours... 238 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,023 he climbed nearly to the top of the Company's org chart... 239 00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,940 even three steps at a time... 240 00:19:03,013 --> 00:19:04,346 Employee of 7th level: 241 00:19:04,492 --> 00:19:07,617 mahogany desk, imitation-suede armchair... 242 00:19:07,867 --> 00:19:10,492 telephone and ficus tree, the symbol of Power! 243 00:19:10,596 --> 00:19:14,627 Employee of 5th level: opaline desk lamp, glass top... 244 00:19:14,627 --> 00:19:18,117 Yugoslavian naïve art on the wall, two ficus plants. 245 00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:19,648 Employee of 1st level: 246 00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:23,346 four ficus plants, three telephones, dictaphone... 247 00:19:23,346 --> 00:19:26,502 six naïve paintings, rug over floor carpeting. 248 00:19:26,523 --> 00:19:29,252 He was on the threshold of presidency... 249 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,929 meaning: private ficus greenhouse... 250 00:19:32,315 --> 00:19:34,231 and human leather armchair... 251 00:19:34,596 --> 00:19:38,846 when luck turned its back on Semenzara. 252 00:20:02,263 --> 00:20:04,440 You ruined me, jinx! 253 00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:06,033 Go away! Get lost... 254 00:20:06,523 --> 00:20:10,429 ...before I sack you! Nothing but a jinx! 255 00:20:36,731 --> 00:20:39,690 Hey, hey, hey! Put down the ash tray! 256 00:20:39,731 --> 00:20:42,658 It belongs to the Casino! Where are you going? Bring it back! 257 00:21:09,242 --> 00:21:10,388 Pardon me! 258 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,356 "Bet it on number 27 when you feel inspired" 259 00:21:22,367 --> 00:21:25,367 "27, just like my age". 260 00:21:26,606 --> 00:21:30,096 "Daddy, will you bring me back a gift?". 261 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:37,856 Excuse me, I put it here! 20,000 Liras on number 27. 262 00:21:57,325 --> 00:21:59,294 27, red and even (in French) 263 00:21:59,294 --> 00:22:01,283 Here! 264 00:22:02,335 --> 00:22:04,471 - Excuse me! - Whose money is this? (in French) 265 00:22:04,888 --> 00:22:06,200 It's mine! (in French) 266 00:22:08,783 --> 00:22:14,554 Yes, of course. Oui, it's Earl-Duke's money. 267 00:22:14,585 --> 00:22:19,294 I would never dare playing sir, let alone win. 268 00:22:21,221 --> 00:22:24,627 Excuse me, how much would the winning be? 269 00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:26,950 - 700,000 Liras. - Ah, nice! 270 00:22:29,908 --> 00:22:31,888 With that dirty money 271 00:22:31,888 --> 00:22:35,013 Semenzara paid the Grand Hotel suite... 272 00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:39,544 some extras, two whores and the return trip. 273 00:22:40,377 --> 00:22:43,825 Fantozzi instead had to find other ways. 274 00:22:52,377 --> 00:22:54,554 Poor Ugo, what happened to you? 275 00:22:54,877 --> 00:22:56,627 You are all frozen. 276 00:22:59,283 --> 00:23:00,867 You can't even speak. 277 00:23:02,242 --> 00:23:05,502 I'll fix you up with old remedies... 278 00:23:05,783 --> 00:23:07,606 like flax seed soups. 279 00:23:08,533 --> 00:23:11,106 - Are you happy? - (No, no!) - Hold on, I'll be right back... 280 00:23:17,544 --> 00:23:19,408 Here it is, just mildly warm! 281 00:23:19,502 --> 00:23:22,283 I'll get you an even warmer one soon. 282 00:23:24,460 --> 00:23:28,627 At that temperature, Fantozzi always had mystical raptures. 283 00:23:45,669 --> 00:23:52,002 This time Archangel Gabriel appeared to him announcing the forthcoming pregnancy. 284 00:24:13,971 --> 00:24:15,783 Hunting season opening! 285 00:24:16,606 --> 00:24:19,335 This year, overwhelmed by the relentless Filini who was... 286 00:24:19,429 --> 00:24:21,710 always frantically pushing for new tragic initiatives... 287 00:24:21,815 --> 00:24:24,304 even Fantozzi decided to join in. 288 00:24:24,742 --> 00:24:26,742 Filini's outfit: 289 00:24:26,752 --> 00:24:30,054 Sherlock Holmes cap with Robin Hood-style feather... 290 00:24:30,575 --> 00:24:35,856 his rich auntie's Argentinian poncho, tennis shoes with galoshes... 291 00:24:35,919 --> 00:24:37,346 topographic maps... 292 00:24:37,346 --> 00:24:39,815 and Calabrian bandit blunderbuss. 293 00:24:39,846 --> 00:24:41,096 Fantozzi's: 294 00:24:41,158 --> 00:24:44,252 white beach hat belonging to his daughter Mariangela... 295 00:24:44,669 --> 00:24:47,731 Pitiful ordinary jacket, fastened on the hips... 296 00:24:47,731 --> 00:24:51,950 by a massive machine gun cartridge belt, a WW2 surplus. 297 00:24:51,950 --> 00:24:55,773 A sling, viper's poison antidote around his neck... 298 00:24:55,773 --> 00:24:59,835 a bird cage containing a decoy canary and a retreiver stray cat... 299 00:24:59,835 --> 00:25:02,523 which unfortunately had escaped during departure operations. 300 00:25:03,763 --> 00:25:05,888 How wonderful! 301 00:25:06,408 --> 00:25:08,679 This is Heaven on Earth! 302 00:25:08,804 --> 00:25:12,252 Take deep breaths! What a pity though. 303 00:25:12,283 --> 00:25:13,054 What is? 304 00:25:13,117 --> 00:25:15,325 A pity you didn't bring your Barbary ape along. 305 00:25:15,502 --> 00:25:18,013 - Barbary? - I meant Barbara, your baboon... 306 00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:20,648 ahem... I mean, your baby. 307 00:25:20,794 --> 00:25:23,919 - Ah, my daughter, Mariangela! - Yes, of course. 308 00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:26,929 Imagine how much fun for her jumping between trees. 309 00:25:26,929 --> 00:25:29,492 - Jumping between trees? - I meant, between meadows! 310 00:25:29,492 --> 00:25:31,544 We're really away from everything, where are we? 311 00:25:31,544 --> 00:25:33,929 We are exactly here, you see? 312 00:25:34,138 --> 00:25:36,888 - Ahem, I can't see... - You see it? Here. 313 00:25:37,294 --> 00:25:41,544 I can't see, the feather is perforating my cornea. 314 00:25:41,544 --> 00:25:43,867 Look, here's that hill I told you about. 315 00:25:43,867 --> 00:25:47,429 Practically no man has ever set foot on it. 316 00:25:47,429 --> 00:25:50,054 A spot that NO-BO-DY knows! 317 00:25:51,179 --> 00:25:56,398 620 hunters in 150 square feet! 318 00:26:23,679 --> 00:26:26,242 My catch! Mine! I've seen it first. 319 00:26:26,273 --> 00:26:28,804 Mine! Whatever it is, it's mine! 320 00:26:29,158 --> 00:26:32,617 It was Sir Margheriti from the Council Housing Institute. 321 00:26:32,992 --> 00:26:36,377 Former Pipit whistle-calling regional champion. 322 00:26:36,544 --> 00:26:38,002 It's mine I said, leave it! 323 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,773 Six minutes later, Engineer Carletti... 324 00:26:45,783 --> 00:26:49,242 also known as "Harelip" due to a congenital deformity of his upper lip... 325 00:26:49,690 --> 00:26:53,919 realized that he was being insistently watched. 326 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,179 You're not human... you're a hyena! 327 00:27:08,408 --> 00:27:10,825 A hyena? Yeah, a hyena indeed... 328 00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:13,502 and a beautiful specimen too! 329 00:27:26,929 --> 00:27:30,669 Let's not get confused. We'll split up in two groups. 330 00:27:30,794 --> 00:27:33,638 Let's see... married men upstream and bachelors downstream. 331 00:27:34,023 --> 00:27:36,065 Yeah Let's go! 332 00:27:39,315 --> 00:27:40,502 Any photographers around? 333 00:27:53,481 --> 00:27:54,752 Keep your hands off! 334 00:27:55,273 --> 00:27:57,148 Excuse me but the rifle is mine, you have your sling! 335 00:27:57,783 --> 00:27:58,794 Don't you have your sling? 336 00:27:59,002 --> 00:28:02,450 Excuse me but we're the only ones who haven't shot once yet. 337 00:28:02,940 --> 00:28:04,523 What seems to be the problem? 338 00:28:04,867 --> 00:28:05,783 What's the problem? 339 00:28:06,002 --> 00:28:06,721 Good morning, sir. 340 00:28:06,763 --> 00:28:09,908 I haven't... He hasn't... We haven't shot anything yet. 341 00:28:10,325 --> 00:28:11,158 Let me see... 342 00:28:11,221 --> 00:28:12,325 - Are you expert at this? - A little. 343 00:28:12,429 --> 00:28:16,054 - Can you see what's wrong with it? - Well, obviously! It's completely unloaded! 344 00:28:20,044 --> 00:28:24,658 Excuse me accountant, have you brushed against the trigger by any chance? 345 00:28:24,908 --> 00:28:25,763 I don't recall... 346 00:28:26,294 --> 00:28:29,117 Do you mind if I leave this here and I take yours? 347 00:28:31,606 --> 00:28:33,273 Well then, have a nice day and happy hunting! 348 00:28:34,106 --> 00:28:36,273 See you. Take care! 349 00:28:36,971 --> 00:28:41,054 The wealthy ones made use of armoured vehicles and tanks along with orderlies. 350 00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:44,554 Great shot, Marquis! 351 00:28:50,877 --> 00:28:54,138 A megalomaniac even hired a bomber aircraft! 352 00:29:07,263 --> 00:29:11,856 For a perfect sling shot: take the aim... 353 00:29:11,856 --> 00:29:15,794 placing your target at the center of the fork... 354 00:29:15,794 --> 00:29:19,669 stretch the extensor up to ear level... 355 00:29:19,679 --> 00:29:21,731 and then LET G-! 356 00:29:32,263 --> 00:29:36,835 The have-nots fought back with the not-less-effective guerrilla tactics. 357 00:29:46,971 --> 00:29:49,627 Help! Help me, please! 358 00:29:59,856 --> 00:30:03,835 I bagged a nice gun myself. See? 359 00:30:04,242 --> 00:30:05,554 How marvellous! 360 00:30:06,179 --> 00:30:10,617 No more sling now. I can shoot too! 361 00:30:14,950 --> 00:30:16,700 Accountant, are you feeling alright? 362 00:30:17,669 --> 00:30:21,179 Absolutely... It's only... a little... 363 00:30:21,773 --> 00:30:24,127 I need a urologist, quick! 364 00:30:29,075 --> 00:30:33,835 Look, in exchange for two left earlobes I may offer you the right index finger... 365 00:30:34,690 --> 00:30:36,502 - from a lawyer. - Nail included? 366 00:30:36,575 --> 00:30:40,617 - Yes, it's complete. Look how nice it is. - Morning... 367 00:30:41,690 --> 00:30:43,388 - Excuse me, have you got a light? - Morning sir. 368 00:30:43,533 --> 00:30:45,252 Morning, how are you doing? 369 00:30:45,763 --> 00:30:48,242 So and so, I have like a heartburn. 370 00:30:50,971 --> 00:30:53,763 - Must be stress-related. - Must be. 371 00:30:55,263 --> 00:30:58,117 Sometimes the stress... 372 00:30:58,773 --> 00:31:01,440 By the way, accountant, where is your gun? 373 00:31:01,554 --> 00:31:03,669 My gun? I always keep it h---! 374 00:31:06,158 --> 00:31:08,273 Come on, come on! Be a man! 375 00:31:24,325 --> 00:31:26,117 Come on accountant, throw one too! 376 00:31:30,648 --> 00:31:33,554 The bomb is in his sleeve! Bomb in the sleeve! Run! 377 00:31:48,627 --> 00:31:50,523 Let's go! 378 00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:54,242 Accountant, have you found it? 379 00:31:54,575 --> 00:31:56,544 How do you feel? 380 00:31:57,294 --> 00:31:58,377 - Great. - Good! 381 00:32:09,085 --> 00:32:11,138 Hostilities ceased at dusk. 382 00:32:11,752 --> 00:32:15,888 Everyone returned home with their quarries and trophies... 383 00:32:15,888 --> 00:32:19,065 just in time to watch the football results. 384 00:32:19,783 --> 00:32:22,273 Next sunday we'll kick their arses. 385 00:32:22,523 --> 00:32:26,440 We can't. We have that company trip to Genova for the launch of their new boat. 386 00:32:26,835 --> 00:32:29,596 - You can't miss it! - But I have a commitment with my brother-in-law... 387 00:32:29,898 --> 00:32:33,388 I already enlisted you. Speaking of which... you owe me 5,000 Liras. 388 00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:57,075 The godmother of the christening was Countess Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare... 389 00:32:57,669 --> 00:32:59,627 great shareholder of the Company. 390 00:33:04,596 --> 00:33:06,242 Hurray! Hurray! 391 00:33:07,033 --> 00:33:09,513 - Hurray! - Hurray! 392 00:33:21,325 --> 00:33:23,273 Here Countess. It's your moment. 393 00:33:25,710 --> 00:33:29,533 From 35 yards she goes, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 394 00:33:35,825 --> 00:33:38,210 Master of Ceremonies, may I launch? 395 00:33:38,794 --> 00:33:40,273 Launch, Countess, launch! 396 00:33:53,950 --> 00:33:55,554 - Here Countess. - Another bottle? 397 00:33:55,710 --> 00:33:56,773 Yes, please! 398 00:33:58,731 --> 00:34:02,971 From 50 yards she goes again, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 399 00:34:06,502 --> 00:34:09,919 Master of Ceremonies, may I retry? 400 00:34:10,033 --> 00:34:12,408 Retry, Countess! But more to the center. 401 00:34:22,388 --> 00:34:27,606 Fantozzi this time awaited the end of the ceremony in the water. 402 00:34:31,096 --> 00:34:34,960 Master of Ceremonies, may I re-retry? 403 00:34:35,106 --> 00:34:38,752 Re-retry, Countess! But a bit more to the right! 404 00:34:40,377 --> 00:34:42,315 He was followed in the water by: 405 00:34:42,554 --> 00:34:44,075 Mayor with tricolor sash... 406 00:34:45,763 --> 00:34:47,273 Merchant Navy Minister... 407 00:34:49,710 --> 00:34:54,127 102 years-old Baroness Filiguelli de Bonchamp, the Company's mascot. 408 00:34:54,127 --> 00:34:59,013 All other authorities were covertly launched later. 409 00:35:02,273 --> 00:35:06,981 When all the Champagne had run out, it was decided that the ritual would be changed: 410 00:35:09,460 --> 00:35:15,085 A metal wire would be cut, automatically starting the launch. 411 00:35:15,273 --> 00:35:20,283 From 83 yards she goes once again, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 412 00:35:21,210 --> 00:35:22,825 Go Countess, go! 413 00:35:23,877 --> 00:35:27,731 I cut... in the name of God! 414 00:35:28,950 --> 00:35:32,106 Archbishop's pinky with pastoral ring! 415 00:35:32,544 --> 00:35:35,054 Damn that whore of the Virgin M... 416 00:35:44,002 --> 00:35:50,856 The ship was launched in late afternoon when the Cardinal's murderous frenzy had eased. 417 00:35:53,117 --> 00:35:57,679 At night, the celebration continued with a great party at the... 418 00:35:57,679 --> 00:36:00,367 Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare's mansion. 419 00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:03,710 Aside from the usual Princes and other Mighties... 420 00:36:03,710 --> 00:36:06,367 the invitation was extended to all the employees... 421 00:36:06,367 --> 00:36:11,096 even to the most humble ones, in light of the upcoming Union contracts. 422 00:36:11,679 --> 00:36:15,398 It's a Brandebourg Dane. Look, Archduchess. 423 00:36:15,481 --> 00:36:17,960 It scares me a bit though. 424 00:36:20,794 --> 00:36:25,981 Fantozzi and Filini showed up with two terrible rented tailcoats. 425 00:36:26,085 --> 00:36:31,054 Filini looked like an amputee. Fantozzi was basically in Bermuda shorts! 426 00:36:35,252 --> 00:36:37,148 What's there? A calf? 427 00:36:37,252 --> 00:36:39,200 No, no, no! It's a horse! 428 00:36:39,825 --> 00:36:42,794 - It would be a... pooch. - A pooch? 429 00:36:43,002 --> 00:36:45,679 A little on the big side maybe. A 2-tons pooch. 430 00:36:47,585 --> 00:36:51,877 - It's staring at us. It looks very humane though. - Really? 431 00:36:52,117 --> 00:36:53,346 You see? It's purring. 432 00:36:54,783 --> 00:36:55,929 Excuse me. 433 00:36:56,783 --> 00:36:59,700 Excuse me Doc, we have valid invitations. 434 00:36:59,742 --> 00:37:03,085 If you would gently move the paw, we may join the party. 435 00:37:15,471 --> 00:37:18,627 Where are Filini and Fantozzi? I haven't seen them. 436 00:37:18,940 --> 00:37:20,554 Maybe they weren't invited. 437 00:37:20,658 --> 00:37:23,023 Impossible! Everyone has been invited! 438 00:37:23,023 --> 00:37:27,648 Even the delivery boys! Even the pen-pushers, everyone! 439 00:37:27,648 --> 00:37:29,273 - Very well, very well. - Why, is anyone missing? 440 00:37:29,283 --> 00:37:34,002 Only two boors, Mrs. Countess. They think it's chic to be late. 441 00:37:34,106 --> 00:37:37,127 - Don't worry about them Mrs. Countess. - Oh, I do worry very much... 442 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,783 I'm worried sick about two dear employees that are still missing. 443 00:37:41,398 --> 00:37:43,190 - Help! - Help, please! 444 00:37:44,033 --> 00:37:47,752 - Help! - Countess, help! 445 00:37:49,283 --> 00:37:50,929 Watch it, be careful! 446 00:37:51,325 --> 00:37:53,210 It was humane, you said! 447 00:37:53,648 --> 00:37:55,492 It was purring, you said! 448 00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:58,304 I admit I was wrong. 449 00:37:58,450 --> 00:37:59,398 Stay, Fido! 450 00:38:00,138 --> 00:38:01,648 Try with Foofy! 451 00:38:01,950 --> 00:38:03,002 Stay, Foofy! 452 00:38:03,742 --> 00:38:04,867 Try with Boby! 453 00:38:04,867 --> 00:38:05,856 Stay, Boby! 454 00:38:07,856 --> 00:38:08,471 Friedman! 455 00:38:08,679 --> 00:38:12,335 -Friedman is not a dog's name! -What the hell could it be then? 456 00:38:12,544 --> 00:38:15,846 His name was "Ivan the Terrible XXXII" 457 00:38:15,950 --> 00:38:18,627 Discendant of "Ivan the Terrible I"... 458 00:38:18,627 --> 00:38:20,565 that belonged to Tsar Nicholas. 459 00:38:20,679 --> 00:38:23,596 Legendary paesant-hunting champion... 460 00:38:23,596 --> 00:38:29,085 executed as enemy of the people in the Red Square during the October Revolution. 461 00:38:29,283 --> 00:38:31,721 Here we come! We are here to help. Slowly, careful now... 462 00:38:31,721 --> 00:38:34,627 - Don't fret, dear. - Here we are! 463 00:38:36,210 --> 00:38:39,138 - No, I'll take the ladder. - Don't overstrain yourself, please. 464 00:38:42,929 --> 00:38:44,658 I'm sorry, employee! 465 00:38:46,763 --> 00:38:49,065 So sorry, employee! Did I hurt you? 466 00:38:49,565 --> 00:38:53,377 It's nothing! Only a compound fracture of the skull. 467 00:38:54,325 --> 00:38:57,117 To apologize for for the unfortunate accident... 468 00:38:57,325 --> 00:39:00,565 the Counts Serbelloni, with a clever move... 469 00:39:00,669 --> 00:39:04,013 invited Fantozzi and Filini to the table of honor. 470 00:39:04,117 --> 00:39:05,648 - Take it there. - Employee! 471 00:39:05,971 --> 00:39:07,554 - It's Fantozzi. - Employee! 472 00:39:08,075 --> 00:39:11,606 Let me introduce you to some of our friends: 473 00:39:12,544 --> 00:39:16,127 Excellency, His Eminence De Vetanza. 474 00:39:16,658 --> 00:39:19,513 - Dona Miniaz De Coral. - Sorry... 475 00:39:19,617 --> 00:39:21,429 my hands are a little sweaty. 476 00:39:21,429 --> 00:39:25,325 Air Force General Ernesto Maria Lampioni. 477 00:39:26,408 --> 00:39:29,013 The young Marquise Giava delle Corte. 478 00:39:31,731 --> 00:39:34,554 You know the rules, Fantozzi! 479 00:39:34,575 --> 00:39:38,273 You know how to behave in high society, right? 480 00:39:38,315 --> 00:39:40,763 What to do, what not to do. 481 00:39:41,273 --> 00:39:44,294 - Yes, yes! - We'll see, we'll see! 482 00:39:44,294 --> 00:39:47,617 What do you mean "we'll see"? It's just that I had sweaty hands. Sorry. 483 00:40:03,752 --> 00:40:05,815 - Your shoes. - Thanks, it must be delicious... 484 00:40:09,096 --> 00:40:12,429 The cocker took them before. The pooch, you know? 485 00:40:40,835 --> 00:40:45,377 Employee! Do you know our German Ambassador... 486 00:40:46,242 --> 00:40:50,315 Count Otto Von Uber Steiber? 487 00:40:50,617 --> 00:40:52,252 Heil, Hitler! Sorry! 488 00:40:52,481 --> 00:40:54,200 You may call me just Otto. 489 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:55,252 Please, at least Nine! 490 00:40:55,877 --> 00:40:57,856 - Ten! - Eleven! - Twelve! 491 00:40:58,065 --> 00:40:59,731 Fantozzi got the better of it. 492 00:40:59,835 --> 00:41:01,002 Thirty "cum laude"! There! 493 00:41:08,471 --> 00:41:11,919 How tasty! Delicious! 494 00:41:17,377 --> 00:41:23,627 The glasses! A row of 5 on the right. 5 more on the left. 495 00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:25,731 Which one to drink from? 496 00:41:25,940 --> 00:41:27,325 Aren't you thirsty, employee? 497 00:41:27,533 --> 00:41:30,419 I'm slightly short on saliva. 498 00:41:30,419 --> 00:41:31,440 Then drink! 499 00:41:39,315 --> 00:41:40,190 What are you doing? 500 00:41:41,596 --> 00:41:43,513 I'm reading... I'm reading my palm... 501 00:41:43,825 --> 00:41:46,888 See? The line of fate is a little... 502 00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:56,575 What day is today? 503 00:41:56,783 --> 00:42:00,867 - Sunday! - Sunday! - You said it at the same time! 504 00:42:00,898 --> 00:42:02,981 Jinx! Let's link the pinkies! 505 00:42:04,335 --> 00:42:07,325 The middle fingers then... the ring fingers perhaps? 506 00:42:13,033 --> 00:42:16,877 THRUSH! The most difficult thing in nature! 507 00:42:53,783 --> 00:42:54,940 Cheers! 508 00:43:11,044 --> 00:43:13,867 - Have you finished it already? - Indeed! I devoured it. 509 00:43:21,283 --> 00:43:22,606 How am I doing? 510 00:43:22,648 --> 00:43:24,075 Bad, goddammit! 511 00:43:36,679 --> 00:43:40,544 At last, a drastic decision: Thrush... whole! 512 00:43:54,502 --> 00:43:56,106 (How tasty!) 513 00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:06,440 Fantozzi's colours: red. Pompeian red. Lobster-orange. 514 00:44:07,065 --> 00:44:11,565 Violet. Funeral ornament-violet. Gloomy blue! 515 00:44:12,221 --> 00:44:16,138 At gloomy blue Fantozzi fell in a comatose state. 516 00:44:20,648 --> 00:44:23,867 Baked rice with tomatoe garnish. 517 00:44:24,179 --> 00:44:27,492 The tomatoes have this tragic peculiarity: 518 00:44:27,804 --> 00:44:33,085 Cold on the outside. 18,000°F fireball on the inside! 519 00:44:33,273 --> 00:44:36,513 This... I wolf it down! 520 00:44:46,367 --> 00:44:47,981 You won't spit it here, will you? 521 00:44:48,304 --> 00:44:49,513 No, no. 522 00:44:53,158 --> 00:44:57,367 You won't spit it here, will you? You wouldn't dare, would you Fantozzi? Go out! 523 00:45:01,815 --> 00:45:03,981 Fantozzi! Maybe he knows... 524 00:45:04,190 --> 00:45:06,929 what's the name of that dumb-faced delivery boy? 525 00:45:59,127 --> 00:46:00,200 Uh, a little tomato. 526 00:46:04,721 --> 00:46:05,929 - Fantozzi? - Yes? 527 00:46:05,992 --> 00:46:07,721 Open your mouth and close your eyes! 528 00:46:15,898 --> 00:46:18,794 - Fantozzi! - Fantozzi! 529 00:46:21,335 --> 00:46:24,825 He had fallen right in Ivan The Terrible's clutches... 530 00:46:25,148 --> 00:46:28,148 who, after dragging him in a corner of the garden... 531 00:46:28,158 --> 00:46:33,200 began to dig a pit of unsettling proportions: 4 feet by 6! 532 00:47:15,492 --> 00:47:16,565 Pass, will you? 533 00:47:20,835 --> 00:47:23,877 They weren't the beams of an overtaking car. 534 00:47:37,471 --> 00:47:40,033 The beast besieged him for a week... 535 00:47:40,346 --> 00:47:44,127 which was obviously counted as spent holidays. 536 00:47:45,992 --> 00:47:49,346 Ugo? Is it warm enough? 537 00:47:52,429 --> 00:47:55,658 An injustice that Fantozzi could not bear... 538 00:47:55,658 --> 00:47:57,888 so much so that for the very first time... 539 00:47:57,888 --> 00:48:00,638 he pretended to be ill and used the sick leave. 540 00:48:05,075 --> 00:48:06,075 The doctor! 541 00:48:11,148 --> 00:48:14,388 Wait, don't open! Don't open! 542 00:48:26,846 --> 00:48:30,252 It's not the doctor. It was Mr. Bonetti, our neighbour. 543 00:48:31,523 --> 00:48:33,148 What happened to the Virgin Mary? 544 00:48:36,231 --> 00:48:39,127 Our neighbour Bonetti? What the hell did Bonetti want... 545 00:48:39,127 --> 00:48:41,263 ...to give me a heart attack? 546 00:48:41,533 --> 00:48:44,888 No. He had to leave unexpectedly with all his family. 547 00:48:44,888 --> 00:48:47,721 Who gives a damn if he had to leave with all his family? 548 00:48:47,919 --> 00:48:51,877 He had three free tickets for the American Circus. 549 00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:54,742 Since he had to leave, he kindly gave them to us. 550 00:48:55,419 --> 00:48:56,419 Free tickets! 551 00:48:57,033 --> 00:48:59,065 He couldn't sleep all night. 552 00:48:59,377 --> 00:49:00,752 The risk was insane. 553 00:49:01,169 --> 00:49:05,648 If caught outside, the punishment was public flogging in the canteen, at the very least. 554 00:49:05,877 --> 00:49:10,513 But it was the first time in his life that Fantozzi had free tickets. 555 00:49:11,231 --> 00:49:13,179 - What is it? What's up? - I decided. 556 00:49:13,492 --> 00:49:14,460 - We're going. - Where? 557 00:49:14,460 --> 00:49:15,794 To the circus. 558 00:49:16,742 --> 00:49:18,492 - Cautiously... - Oh, Lord! 559 00:49:18,575 --> 00:49:19,398 but we will go. 560 00:49:34,627 --> 00:49:36,096 - Ugo, is that you? - Yes. 561 00:49:38,169 --> 00:49:39,210 - It's daddy! - Daddy! 562 00:49:39,523 --> 00:49:40,804 Put your scarf back on. 563 00:49:41,460 --> 00:49:43,210 Come on, let's go! 564 00:50:15,742 --> 00:50:18,804 The t-, the t-, the tickets! Oh my goodness! 565 00:50:20,242 --> 00:50:21,815 Here they are! Luckly. 566 00:50:22,106 --> 00:50:23,304 Come, Mariangela. 567 00:50:27,158 --> 00:50:31,815 And now ladies and gentlemen, our wise chimpanzees! 568 00:50:33,523 --> 00:50:35,033 Don't pull, honey. 569 00:50:35,356 --> 00:50:37,731 Daddy! I'm over here! 570 00:50:40,033 --> 00:50:46,992 Good morning, madam. See, the dress is identical... 571 00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:49,429 so there was a misunderstanding. Bye and have a nice day. 572 00:50:49,585 --> 00:50:51,544 "Come on, darling". 573 00:50:53,763 --> 00:50:55,627 Come, Cheeta... ahem, Mariangela. 574 00:51:00,002 --> 00:51:02,617 Did you see Pina, how cute that monkey was? 575 00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:07,054 You know Mariangela, monkeys are really superior animals. 576 00:51:07,054 --> 00:51:13,523 Excuse me... by any chance, is it you the one who was supposed to be sick? 577 00:51:13,763 --> 00:51:16,450 Me? You are mistaken. 578 00:51:17,283 --> 00:51:20,721 And now comes... 579 00:51:20,752 --> 00:51:23,346 the great Hungarian performer. 580 00:51:23,627 --> 00:51:26,023 - Take this krapfen! - What are you doing here? 581 00:51:27,075 --> 00:51:28,117 Take this! 582 00:51:39,950 --> 00:51:41,085 Go get him immediately! 583 00:51:43,054 --> 00:51:44,210 Go get him! 584 00:51:44,773 --> 00:51:46,867 Look at this clown! 585 00:51:47,544 --> 00:51:49,700 How about this? 586 00:51:50,846 --> 00:51:54,585 And now ladies and gentlemen, our "Wild Horse". 587 00:52:26,263 --> 00:52:28,554 The great performer says goodb-argh! 588 00:52:39,263 --> 00:52:42,106 I'm accountant Ugo Fantozzi, ID 7829/bis... 589 00:52:42,513 --> 00:52:47,075 Please understand my situation! Hold me tight! My hands are swea-ahhh! 590 00:52:52,117 --> 00:52:53,158 - Ugo! - Daddy! 591 00:52:54,013 --> 00:52:57,117 So it is you! Accountant Ugo Fantozzi! 592 00:52:57,575 --> 00:53:00,638 No, no! No! I insist! No! 593 00:53:01,315 --> 00:53:02,450 It's not me. 594 00:53:09,877 --> 00:53:13,596 And now ladies and gentlemen, The most sensational part of the show... 595 00:53:14,877 --> 00:53:18,096 Mr. Super Flight. The human projectile. 596 00:53:21,606 --> 00:53:23,023 Halt! Quiet everyone! 597 00:53:23,721 --> 00:53:26,002 Accountant Fantozzi! 598 00:53:26,544 --> 00:53:28,148 Come out! 599 00:53:30,002 --> 00:53:35,575 I know full well you're in there! Come out, I said! 600 00:53:37,554 --> 00:53:38,263 Is that so? 601 00:53:38,471 --> 00:53:39,565 I'll take care of it! 602 00:53:51,335 --> 00:53:55,190 He was found several days later in surroundings of Agrigento... 603 00:53:55,356 --> 00:53:57,242 by Archangel Saint Michael. 604 00:54:00,033 --> 00:54:04,138 The divine messenger reminded him that he was nine months pregnant... 605 00:54:04,210 --> 00:54:08,200 and recommended him to go immediately to the delivery room. 606 00:54:09,127 --> 00:54:12,502 Excuse me Doc, didn't we agree for Bethlehem? 607 00:54:14,169 --> 00:54:16,315 Well, if you say so... Alright then, nevermind. 608 00:54:25,054 --> 00:54:28,627 MATERNITY WARD 609 00:54:43,179 --> 00:54:47,054 BATTLESHIP KOTIOMKIN 610 00:54:51,606 --> 00:54:54,940 Many years ago, Fantozzi was hired in the Almighty Company... 611 00:54:55,127 --> 00:54:58,638 with the role of "stamping sponge". 612 00:55:03,617 --> 00:55:07,117 He succeded in the aptitude test... 613 00:55:07,294 --> 00:55:10,013 –thanks to a tip-off from a corrupted usher– 614 00:55:10,117 --> 00:55:15,169 by answering two weird questions from the President of the Board. 615 00:55:20,763 --> 00:55:22,846 Do you like German expressionist cinema? 616 00:55:24,356 --> 00:55:25,960 It's the greatest love of my life! 617 00:55:26,044 --> 00:55:29,210 I would like to remind the great masters: Murnau... 618 00:55:29,263 --> 00:55:30,502 and Robert Wiene... 619 00:55:30,710 --> 00:55:35,263 whom nobody could do without his masterpiece "Das cabinett... 620 00:55:35,263 --> 00:55:37,231 der Doktor Caligarisss". 621 00:55:38,023 --> 00:55:39,742 CA-LI-GA-RI! 622 00:55:41,627 --> 00:55:44,773 And who is David "Yourrrgryfth"? 623 00:55:47,690 --> 00:55:48,419 I didn't... 624 00:55:48,658 --> 00:55:51,033 - "Grifth"! - I didn't hear. 625 00:55:51,450 --> 00:55:56,106 - "Grfth"! - Griffith! The father of American cinema! 626 00:55:56,106 --> 00:55:59,127 I adore him, he's like a father to me. 627 00:55:59,304 --> 00:56:03,054 Very good, young man! You are hired! 628 00:56:06,460 --> 00:56:09,981 The powerful Professor Guidobaldo Maria Riccardelli... 629 00:56:09,981 --> 00:56:13,033 was a fanatic enthusiast of Art Cinema. 630 00:56:13,346 --> 00:56:17,533 Once a week he forced his employees and their families... 631 00:56:17,773 --> 00:56:20,721 to endure the Classics of cinema. 632 00:56:21,023 --> 00:56:24,283 In 20 years Fantozzi was made to watch over and over again: 633 00:56:24,283 --> 00:56:28,471 "Dies Irae" by Carl Theodor Dreyer, 6 hours! 634 00:56:28,585 --> 00:56:32,096 "Man of Aran" by Flaherty, 9 parts! 635 00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:35,085 But above all, the most classic of the classics... 636 00:56:35,085 --> 00:56:38,690 ..."Battleship Kotiomkin"! 18 reels... 637 00:56:38,919 --> 00:56:44,523 of which Professor Riccardelli, owned a rare private copy. 638 00:56:45,294 --> 00:56:47,283 Excuse me! What's on tonight? 639 00:56:47,294 --> 00:56:50,388 - "Battleship Kotiomkin"! - (...Again!) 640 00:56:51,835 --> 00:56:54,971 - Go! Go! - Very well. 641 00:56:55,283 --> 00:56:56,638 - "Battleship... Kotiomkin"! - Ughino, cheer up. 642 00:58:33,169 --> 00:58:35,023 Excuse me, let me pass! 643 00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:40,450 - Ugo, wake up! - Gotcha "Fantocci"! You are sleeping! 644 00:58:40,450 --> 00:58:43,992 No, Professor. It's a fainting fit! 645 00:58:43,992 --> 00:58:46,346 No, madam! He's sleeping like a turd! 646 00:58:46,835 --> 00:58:50,304 - Get up! - Is it 7:00 already? The alarm... 647 00:58:50,304 --> 00:58:52,856 - coffee, newspaper, the mail! - Ugo! 648 00:58:52,981 --> 00:58:55,221 Good morning, Professor. Is it over yet? 649 00:58:55,221 --> 00:58:57,804 - Nope, you would like that, wouldn't you, turd? - No, no, no. 650 00:58:57,804 --> 00:58:59,617 Still three parts to watch. 651 00:58:59,617 --> 00:59:01,440 Still three parts! Very good! 652 00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,221 And you'll watch them on your knees! 653 00:59:03,221 --> 00:59:05,013 On the knees is even better... 654 00:59:05,013 --> 00:59:10,950 - ...as you wish. - Not here. Come, follow me! 655 00:59:13,242 --> 00:59:16,992 He's a turd. That's the best way to describe him... a TURD! 656 00:59:18,856 --> 00:59:20,367 Here! On the chickpeas! 657 00:59:20,981 --> 00:59:23,315 Let's see if you fall asleep now. 658 00:59:23,513 --> 00:59:27,263 For 20 years Fantozzi had been publically humiliated... 659 00:59:27,356 --> 00:59:29,377 during and after the viewings... 660 00:59:29,606 --> 00:59:33,033 when Riccardelli opened the debate on the film. 661 00:59:34,106 --> 00:59:38,627 And now, as usual, I invite you to share your opinion. 662 00:59:39,221 --> 00:59:40,804 It's a great film! 663 00:59:41,679 --> 00:59:43,981 - Permission to speak! - Please. 664 00:59:44,054 --> 00:59:46,502 - It's a masterpiece! - The mother's eye! 665 00:59:46,502 --> 00:59:49,648 - ... the pram with the baby! - You, Filini? 666 00:59:49,804 --> 00:59:53,356 I go into raptures when I see the soldiers' boots! 667 00:59:53,356 --> 00:59:54,273 Yes? 668 00:59:54,388 --> 00:59:59,158 Tonight the "analogic" editing blew me away! 669 00:59:59,460 --> 01:00:02,721 And... and... the soldiers' boots, but above all the pram with the baby! 670 01:00:02,888 --> 01:00:05,335 Yes, of course. Yes? 671 01:00:05,481 --> 01:00:09,617 The pram with the poor baby falling down the stairs. 672 01:00:09,617 --> 01:00:12,325 Professor, couldn't we watch it again? 673 01:00:12,721 --> 01:00:14,888 I wish we could, my friend... but the time. 674 01:00:17,835 --> 01:00:21,367 And you, "Fantocci"! Do you only open your mouth to yawn? 675 01:00:21,783 --> 01:00:23,117 Have you got nothing to say? 676 01:00:23,148 --> 01:00:24,544 What do you have to say? 677 01:00:25,700 --> 01:00:29,950 My husband, accountant Fantozzi, is speechless. 678 01:00:30,283 --> 01:00:34,429 No Mrs. "Fantocci", your husband is a turd! 679 01:00:34,492 --> 01:00:36,263 Is he or is he not? 680 01:00:37,096 --> 01:00:38,356 Yes. 681 01:00:44,138 --> 01:00:48,502 On Saturday the 18th at 20:25, live from Wembley... 682 01:00:48,523 --> 01:00:51,804 the match England Vs. Italy, qualifying for the World Cup. 683 01:00:52,158 --> 01:00:55,013 Fantozzi had a formidable plan: 684 01:00:55,013 --> 01:00:59,856 thick socks, pants, flannel gown, tea-table at the TV... 685 01:00:59,856 --> 01:01:02,763 large onion omelette, which he loved... 686 01:01:02,763 --> 01:01:05,617 six-pack of cold beers, wild supporting shouting... 687 01:01:05,617 --> 01:01:07,023 and free burping! 688 01:01:08,075 --> 01:01:11,721 "We are about to go live from Wembley, broadcasting in Eurovision"... 689 01:01:11,721 --> 01:01:14,169 "the running commentary of the match"... 690 01:01:14,169 --> 01:01:17,398 "Italy Vs. England, qualifying for the World Cup". 691 01:01:19,804 --> 01:01:25,523 Ugo, look at her, doesn't she look like an angel? 692 01:01:26,513 --> 01:01:30,346 Yeah, yeah, sure! Leave me alone now, I don't want to hear a pin drop. 693 01:01:30,346 --> 01:01:32,763 Pina, the pepper! The pepper! 694 01:01:33,179 --> 01:01:36,460 Pina, also don't forget to disconnect the teleph--! 695 01:01:36,513 --> 01:01:42,763 "In a few moments we will hook up to Wembley, to broadcast in Eurovision the match"... 696 01:01:42,763 --> 01:01:45,867 "Italy Vs. England, World Cup qualifier". 697 01:01:46,804 --> 01:01:47,669 Hello? 698 01:01:49,231 --> 01:01:51,044 Oh, it's you accountant Filini! 699 01:01:51,044 --> 01:01:54,138 A-ha! Filini! I'm already in line. 700 01:01:54,138 --> 01:01:58,846 I'll bet against the treacherous Albion. 10 coffees to 1. Italy! Italy! 701 01:01:58,846 --> 01:02:00,023 Did you hear? 702 01:02:01,919 --> 01:02:03,179 What? 703 01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:08,252 OK, accountant. We shall obey. 704 01:02:08,252 --> 01:02:11,263 "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Wembley... " 705 01:02:11,263 --> 01:02:13,190 Italy! Italy! 706 01:02:13,190 --> 01:02:16,960 "...the teams are lining up for the national anthems". 707 01:02:20,419 --> 01:02:25,002 Ugo! I don't think you can watch the match tonight. 708 01:02:25,002 --> 01:02:26,138 Why? 709 01:02:26,419 --> 01:02:28,252 - We have to go out. - Who? 710 01:02:28,450 --> 01:02:29,960 Professor Riccardelli. 711 01:02:30,096 --> 01:02:30,638 No! 712 01:02:30,638 --> 01:02:36,742 Accountant Filini told me we have to go to watch... a Czechoslovak film. 713 01:02:36,794 --> 01:02:37,825 Noooooooo! 714 01:02:37,825 --> 01:02:39,638 It's subtitled in German though! 715 01:02:39,742 --> 01:02:42,315 - No! - Ugo! - Daddy! 716 01:02:42,773 --> 01:02:44,408 Ughino, don't act like this. 717 01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:50,127 "We are now at the epic moment. Italy and England will compete, in this historical match... 718 01:02:50,127 --> 01:02:52,742 "for the qualification to the World Cup finals". 719 01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,356 "They check the stop-watches. The referee blows the whistle"... 720 01:02:56,356 --> 01:02:57,388 It's the kick-off. 721 01:02:57,919 --> 01:02:59,367 Sorry. 722 01:02:59,408 --> 01:03:04,981 "Kick-off. Capello, Pulici, Antognoni. Antognoni sprints to the left, dodges the English defender. And again! 723 01:03:04,981 --> 01:03:08,075 - "And again. Back-heeled to Rocca". - Ugo, we're going to be late. 724 01:03:08,835 --> 01:03:12,169 "Rocca shoots. The English goalie saves it". 725 01:03:12,492 --> 01:03:15,898 "Throw in for Italy. Benetti controls and passes the ball to Pulici on the left". 726 01:03:16,117 --> 01:03:19,481 "Formidable sprint of Pulici, he blasts the ball but grazes the post!" 727 01:03:19,481 --> 01:03:24,294 "Now Bellugi on the ball. Bellugi to defender Capello". 728 01:03:24,294 --> 01:03:28,252 "He dodges McKinley who tries to bite him". 729 01:03:28,252 --> 01:03:31,471 "He kicks it and hits the English defender in the neck, Capello's shin, neck again". 730 01:03:31,471 --> 01:03:34,929 "Terrible scrum! Nose, neck, shin, neck, ear"... 731 01:03:34,929 --> 01:03:37,210 "Pulici intercepts the ball and saves it!" 732 01:03:38,044 --> 01:03:42,106 "Forgive my emotion, all of you sitting comfortably at the TV none excluded..." 733 01:03:42,106 --> 01:03:46,408 "but I hadn't seen such a start in 170 years!" 734 01:03:46,408 --> 01:03:51,335 "Tardelli holds now the ball and sprints. He eludes McKinley..." 735 01:03:52,585 --> 01:03:56,356 "To Savoldi now. Savoldi shoots and hits McKinley's neck, Savoldi's shin, Antognoni's nose". 736 01:03:56,356 --> 01:04:01,888 "Neck of the English goalie, McKinley's nose, Benetti's shin, neck, nose again." 737 01:04:06,304 --> 01:04:09,054 - Direct the aerial! - I am! 738 01:04:09,335 --> 01:04:11,513 - Ughino, calm down for Heaven's sake. - I couldn't hear. 739 01:04:21,575 --> 01:04:25,377 "Wonderful kick... but hits the goal post!" - Goal post! Goal post! 740 01:04:29,158 --> 01:04:32,054 - Ugo, where are you going? - Will you return daddy? 741 01:04:32,054 --> 01:04:35,158 "The Azzurri go again. They approach the penalty area". 742 01:04:35,158 --> 01:04:40,023 "The Azzurri attack. Antognoni hops and almost climbs over McKinley". 743 01:04:41,658 --> 01:04:43,419 Excuse me! Who hit the goal post? 744 01:04:44,710 --> 01:04:46,075 "McKinley hits it!" 745 01:04:46,190 --> 01:04:49,335 "The English goalie falls dreadfully on his back". 746 01:04:49,856 --> 01:04:52,565 "The 120,000 spectators at Wembley and you, millions of lucky ones"... 747 01:04:52,565 --> 01:04:55,752 "whom nothing in the world could tear away from the TVs"... 748 01:04:55,960 --> 01:05:00,106 "can easily recognize that Italy tonight overshadows the memory"... 749 01:05:00,106 --> 01:05:03,804 "of the legendary extra time of Italy Vs Germany, in Mexico". 750 01:05:11,471 --> 01:05:13,127 Nothing? 751 01:05:15,044 --> 01:05:15,565 The tie. 752 01:05:20,627 --> 01:05:24,606 Breast pocket. Perfect! 753 01:05:26,450 --> 01:05:28,710 Very good! Thank you. 754 01:05:29,471 --> 01:05:30,440 The mouth? 755 01:05:33,388 --> 01:05:35,867 9 inches pregnant? Congratulations! 756 01:05:36,033 --> 01:05:37,544 See? How embarassing! 757 01:06:03,096 --> 01:06:07,710 Much to my regret, due to a little inconvenience... 758 01:06:08,304 --> 01:06:11,888 the print of the Czech film didn't arrive in time. 759 01:06:12,575 --> 01:06:15,169 Therefore the screening cannot take place. 760 01:06:15,169 --> 01:06:16,960 BEAT IT! 761 01:06:17,846 --> 01:06:19,502 Where are you going? Everybody freeze! 762 01:06:23,065 --> 01:06:29,502 Instead, we will project the immortal masterpiece of the great Serghei M. Einstein... 763 01:06:29,638 --> 01:06:31,283 "Battleship Kotiomkin". 764 01:06:49,679 --> 01:06:54,648 I notice a certain vibe tonight. They take interest and exchange comments. 765 01:06:54,648 --> 01:06:56,721 Yes, yes. They are involved, Professor. 766 01:06:58,210 --> 01:07:01,356 They weren't exchanging comments. In the darkness of the hall... 767 01:07:01,356 --> 01:07:04,106 unascertained and unlikely rumors were spreading. 768 01:07:04,106 --> 01:07:07,408 It was said that Italy was winning 20 to 0... 769 01:07:07,669 --> 01:07:11,888 and that even the goalkeeper Zoff had scored a head goal on corner kick. 770 01:07:23,054 --> 01:07:25,252 (Twenty-one!) 771 01:07:49,419 --> 01:07:52,898 Well, let's open our usual debate. 772 01:07:53,596 --> 01:07:54,971 Who wants to start? 773 01:07:56,690 --> 01:07:59,825 You, Filini? Calboni? 774 01:08:03,908 --> 01:08:07,627 Excuse me! May I say something? 775 01:08:07,940 --> 01:08:09,898 Ah, our dear turd! 776 01:08:10,190 --> 01:08:13,117 Come here, come here "Fantocci"! Make yourself comfortable. 777 01:08:13,263 --> 01:08:15,825 You found the words at last. 778 01:08:16,179 --> 01:08:21,294 I wonder what deep aesthetic opinion you must have developed throughout all these years. 779 01:08:21,710 --> 01:08:23,690 Please, say. 780 01:08:24,221 --> 01:08:25,263 Well? 781 01:08:25,773 --> 01:08:29,950 In my opinion, "Battleship Kotiomkin"... 782 01:08:30,929 --> 01:08:33,033 ...is an UNBELIEVABLE LOAD OF CRAP! 783 01:08:33,033 --> 01:08:35,429 HURRAY! 784 01:08:37,106 --> 01:08:38,138 Bravo! 785 01:08:46,117 --> 01:08:47,242 Bravo! Bravo! 786 01:08:47,242 --> 01:08:50,200 92 minutes-long ovation! 787 01:08:53,648 --> 01:08:56,502 You got that? TURD! 788 01:09:09,888 --> 01:09:12,908 Burn! Burn! That's your soldiers' boots! 789 01:09:14,450 --> 01:09:16,669 First of all they destroyed... 790 01:09:16,669 --> 01:09:16,877 the damned private copy of the damned "Battleship Kotiomkin". First of all they destroyed... 791 01:09:16,877 --> 01:09:19,992 the damned private copy of the damned "Battleship Kotiomkin". 792 01:09:20,950 --> 01:09:23,992 On the chickpeas! On the chickpeas! 793 01:09:27,158 --> 01:09:30,565 - Watch! - Look at your "mother's eye"... 794 01:09:30,565 --> 01:09:32,752 and the pram with the baby! 795 01:09:34,169 --> 01:09:36,315 That's your "analogic" editing! 796 01:09:36,763 --> 01:09:38,367 Halt! Enough! 797 01:09:38,585 --> 01:09:41,033 Now the projections! 798 01:09:44,533 --> 01:09:47,679 For two days and two nights nonstop, Guidobaldo Maria Riccardelli... 799 01:09:47,679 --> 01:09:51,710 was forced to watch over and over again: 800 01:09:51,815 --> 01:09:56,460 "Giovannona Long-Thigh", "The Exorcist: Italian Style" and "The Police Gets Pissed". 801 01:10:01,742 --> 01:10:04,002 - Some coffee? - Would you like some coffee? 802 01:10:06,856 --> 01:10:08,669 Stay up, turd! 803 01:10:08,846 --> 01:10:10,440 - Some coffee Ugo? - No, no. 804 01:10:11,273 --> 01:10:12,940 What a hero Fantozzi! 805 01:10:12,940 --> 01:10:18,013 Until at the beginning of the 3rd day the police got pissed for real. 806 01:10:21,669 --> 01:10:24,471 You have nowhere to run! You are surrounded. 807 01:10:25,106 --> 01:10:26,294 Surrender! 808 01:10:27,960 --> 01:10:29,877 - Never! - Never! 809 01:10:31,210 --> 01:10:34,752 Fantozzi! It's the Director of Directors speaking. 810 01:10:34,752 --> 01:10:39,033 I suggest you to free the hostage at once and give the order... 811 01:10:39,033 --> 01:10:40,273 of unconditional surrender! 812 01:10:40,367 --> 01:10:42,888 You won't have us! Understood? Never! 813 01:10:43,304 --> 01:10:45,565 Ok... maybe you will. 814 01:10:46,575 --> 01:10:47,721 Enough! 815 01:10:49,106 --> 01:10:51,606 To make up with Professor Riccardelli... 816 01:10:51,731 --> 01:10:55,388 for the irreparable loss of his precious film... 817 01:10:55,388 --> 01:10:58,825 the mutineers were condamned to a horrible punishment... 818 01:10:58,825 --> 01:11:00,763 in the style of Dante's infernal circles. 819 01:11:00,992 --> 01:11:05,940 They had to reenact the main scene from the lost masterpiece... 820 01:11:05,981 --> 01:11:10,596 every saturday afternoon until retirement. 821 01:11:11,700 --> 01:11:13,210 We may begin. 822 01:11:28,627 --> 01:11:29,877 Die, Filini! 823 01:11:32,502 --> 01:11:34,825 - Damn you! - We will get our revenge! 824 01:11:35,065 --> 01:11:36,460 The boy falls down! 825 01:11:39,867 --> 01:11:41,252 Now the mother's eye. 826 01:11:53,398 --> 01:11:54,638 Soldiers, open fire! 827 01:11:55,346 --> 01:11:56,908 Murderers! 828 01:11:56,908 --> 01:11:58,710 Go with the pram! 829 01:11:58,710 --> 01:12:00,846 - Please, push gently. - Yes, accountant. 830 01:12:00,846 --> 01:12:02,773 This is the fourth time today. 831 01:12:08,815 --> 01:12:11,158 Oh, God! Oh, mama! Oh, God! 832 01:12:18,367 --> 01:12:19,773 Very good, "Fantocci"! 833 01:12:20,283 --> 01:12:23,700 And you're so perfect, chubby like a toddler. 834 01:12:23,763 --> 01:12:26,585 Have no worries, no one will ever replace you. 835 01:12:26,908 --> 01:12:29,481 You have what they call "fisique du rol". 836 01:12:29,544 --> 01:12:31,596 Now we do it again. 837 01:12:31,835 --> 01:12:34,096 - Again? - Yes indeed, again. 838 01:12:36,825 --> 01:12:38,283 - We do it again? - Yes, again. 839 01:12:38,283 --> 01:12:40,585 Very well. Did you see the analogic editing? 840 01:12:40,585 --> 01:12:42,565 Almost better than the original. 841 01:12:43,804 --> 01:12:46,679 Let's do it again. Everyone in position! 842 01:13:02,513 --> 01:13:05,523 - Ugo! - Bye, daddy! 843 01:13:07,210 --> 01:13:11,013 One sad morning, the wife Pina and Mariangela departed... 844 01:13:11,013 --> 01:13:15,138 to attend the obsequies of a distant second cousin from Pescara. 845 01:13:16,825 --> 01:13:20,440 They left Fantozzi alone with his grief. 846 01:13:25,388 --> 01:13:28,179 For the first time, after a lifetime of conjugal slavery,... 847 01:13:28,190 --> 01:13:31,950 he was free! With the house all to himself! 848 01:13:32,158 --> 01:13:34,179 Calboni took the situation in his hands... 849 01:13:34,179 --> 01:13:37,356 and dragged him into the most despicable of cheating schemes. 850 01:13:37,377 --> 01:13:39,606 I bet you need to tell me something... 851 01:13:40,533 --> 01:13:44,200 something unpleasant and you can't pluck up the courage to tell me, is that right? 852 01:13:44,304 --> 01:13:46,033 - No... - Yes! - No... yes. 853 01:13:46,554 --> 01:13:49,648 Could it be that sir Cominetti Massela... 854 01:13:49,648 --> 01:13:51,992 wants the budget report by tomorrow morning... 855 01:13:51,992 --> 01:13:55,169 and that me, you and accountant Filini... 856 01:13:55,179 --> 01:13:58,263 need to work all night perhaps at your house, yes? 857 01:13:58,263 --> 01:14:00,565 - Yes? Yes! - Yes. 858 01:14:01,294 --> 01:14:03,429 Just tonight that I was going out... 859 01:14:03,429 --> 01:14:05,533 for dinner with my wife. 860 01:14:06,377 --> 01:14:08,544 No worries dear, if you want... 861 01:14:08,617 --> 01:14:10,127 I can come too, to keep company. 862 01:14:10,210 --> 01:14:10,971 Of course! 863 01:14:11,085 --> 01:14:13,263 - No! - Eh... no? No. 864 01:14:13,648 --> 01:14:14,773 Alright. 865 01:14:15,127 --> 01:14:17,388 - I was gonna sit... - No, it's taken. 866 01:14:19,221 --> 01:14:21,158 - Here then? - No, that's taken too. 867 01:14:23,054 --> 01:14:27,544 - All taken then? - Come on, go in the back, there's so much space. 868 01:14:27,544 --> 01:14:29,960 With your leave, Mrs... Enjoy your lunch. 869 01:14:30,127 --> 01:14:31,169 See you, Fantozzi. 870 01:14:39,085 --> 01:14:41,929 Vivi, what do you say then? You can't? Ok. 871 01:14:42,617 --> 01:14:45,877 The rendevouz had been set for 9:30 PM at the telephone booth... 872 01:14:45,877 --> 01:14:47,033 in Garibaldi Avenue. 873 01:14:47,450 --> 01:14:50,554 Once there, Calboni made 126 calls... 874 01:14:50,648 --> 01:14:53,221 to such many unknown citizens... 875 01:14:53,221 --> 01:14:55,929 pretending to speak with starlets and models. 876 01:14:57,065 --> 01:15:00,169 Hello, Zizi. You recognized me? 877 01:15:00,367 --> 01:15:03,106 Yes, yes. I've got two friends with me. 878 01:15:04,721 --> 01:15:07,033 Middle-aged. 879 01:15:07,283 --> 01:15:10,815 One of them is short and fat. The other is slim but short-sighted. 880 01:15:11,106 --> 01:15:13,721 Thick glasses. Owl-like, you know? 881 01:15:14,700 --> 01:15:17,023 What? Ah, I understand. 882 01:15:17,700 --> 01:15:20,898 OK, bye Zizi. 883 01:15:21,700 --> 01:15:23,085 This one is busy too? 884 01:15:23,200 --> 01:15:25,721 Not at all, they would have all come... 885 01:15:25,825 --> 01:15:27,815 but they all find an excuse after I describe you. 886 01:15:28,044 --> 01:15:29,856 Well, obviously! You describe us like that... 887 01:15:30,065 --> 01:15:31,596 "Owl-like" you say! 888 01:15:31,742 --> 01:15:33,992 I can't damage my reputation. 889 01:15:34,023 --> 01:15:35,815 I can't swindle people. 890 01:15:36,190 --> 01:15:39,648 Excuse me Calboni, can't you just describe us less sensationally... 891 01:15:39,648 --> 01:15:42,742 - ... to the next one? - There's no next one, Zizi was the last one. 892 01:15:43,804 --> 01:15:47,450 - Careful now, an accident could happen. 893 01:15:49,752 --> 01:15:50,533 Hey! 894 01:15:54,773 --> 01:15:56,783 My girls are finished. What about yours? 895 01:15:56,835 --> 01:15:58,606 - No, no, no, wait a moment. 896 01:16:00,117 --> 01:16:03,283 - We agreed that accountant Fantozzi shares... - Oh my God! 897 01:16:03,283 --> 01:16:06,315 - What's up with you "pumpkin"? - I lost...! I lost...! 898 01:16:06,367 --> 01:16:10,148 My God! I lost my money! 899 01:16:10,565 --> 01:16:11,710 My savings. 900 01:16:12,867 --> 01:16:15,606 So we said: accountant Fantozzi shares his house, 901 01:16:15,606 --> 01:16:18,940 I brought the liquor, the rest is up to you. 902 01:16:19,325 --> 01:16:21,773 OK, OK! Let's see a moment. 903 01:16:22,450 --> 01:16:25,169 What an idiot! Why didn't I think of it before? 904 01:16:26,054 --> 01:16:28,075 - Who? - The Hippo! 905 01:16:28,471 --> 01:16:31,471 Is that a girl who's a little too... 906 01:16:32,085 --> 01:16:33,179 No, it's a club! 907 01:16:33,419 --> 01:16:37,960 A club attended by many lonely women seeking for some companionship. 908 01:16:38,065 --> 01:16:39,575 Let's go! Taxi! 909 01:16:39,617 --> 01:16:41,898 - Which ones are the first three? - Why taking three taxis? 910 01:16:41,898 --> 01:16:44,304 One each, of course. You only live once, right? 911 01:16:44,304 --> 01:16:45,273 Taxi! 912 01:16:51,544 --> 01:16:52,398 Hi, doll. 913 01:16:55,294 --> 01:16:57,117 My apologies, doll... ahem, madam. 914 01:16:58,013 --> 01:17:00,210 - Is it busy tonight? - You're the first customers. 915 01:17:00,940 --> 01:17:05,502 She meant that they were the first customers in three months! 916 01:17:06,460 --> 01:17:09,127 - Someone's coming. - Come on girls, get up! 917 01:17:20,565 --> 01:17:22,867 These are all women from the upper middle-class aristocracy. 918 01:17:23,013 --> 01:17:24,992 There are even some big names. 919 01:17:25,367 --> 01:17:26,367 No, I don't know them. 920 01:17:26,460 --> 01:17:29,648 Incognito is the rule here though. 921 01:17:30,054 --> 01:17:34,367 No names, only telephone numbers. People choose and phone each other... 922 01:17:34,721 --> 01:17:36,085 An aperitif, gentlemen? 923 01:17:37,690 --> 01:17:38,763 Would you like to drink something? 924 01:17:39,075 --> 01:17:40,585 Oh, yes! 925 01:17:40,627 --> 01:17:43,096 We brought a bottle of "Prunella Ballor". 926 01:17:44,033 --> 01:17:47,231 What's wrong with you? We're bringing home-food now? 927 01:17:48,200 --> 01:17:50,335 We will have three "Scotch-s", thank you. 928 01:17:51,575 --> 01:17:52,658 What are we having, Calboni? 929 01:17:52,658 --> 01:17:53,700 Three "Scot-ch-s". 930 01:17:53,908 --> 01:17:54,992 In the meanwhile, I'll go for it. 931 01:17:55,096 --> 01:17:56,179 "Scot-ch". 932 01:17:59,075 --> 01:17:59,742 Yes? 933 01:18:00,179 --> 01:18:04,158 Miss 10, would you meet me, let's say... 934 01:18:04,158 --> 01:18:08,325 on the dance floor in... let's say, 5 seconds? 935 01:18:08,356 --> 01:18:09,919 - OK. - See you soon. 936 01:18:11,700 --> 01:18:14,585 See? Come on, give it a try. 937 01:18:17,096 --> 01:18:21,210 Thank you, Countess. Thank you, dear. You're looking beautiful. 938 01:18:21,856 --> 01:18:23,940 Come on, choose. 939 01:18:24,013 --> 01:18:25,440 - Me? - Yes. 940 01:18:26,929 --> 01:18:30,742 Filini, number 3 is looking at us. 941 01:18:31,138 --> 01:18:33,940 So is number 12... and number 7... 942 01:18:35,054 --> 01:18:36,273 even number 1! 943 01:18:37,898 --> 01:18:38,867 - and number 5 too! - and number 5 too! 944 01:18:39,596 --> 01:18:42,585 Accountant... they are all looking at us. 945 01:18:42,731 --> 01:18:44,731 Accountant, say a number. 946 01:18:44,877 --> 01:18:46,158 - Me? - Yes. 947 01:18:46,408 --> 01:18:48,210 Ahem... 180! 948 01:18:48,419 --> 01:18:51,033 Don't exaggerate, they are only 12. 949 01:18:53,169 --> 01:18:55,617 Well, I like number 5. 950 01:18:55,794 --> 01:18:58,335 Goodness! I also liked number 5. 951 01:18:58,335 --> 01:19:00,877 - I'll leave her to you. - No, no, no, she's yours! 952 01:19:00,877 --> 01:19:03,148 No, please! Dial. 953 01:19:06,783 --> 01:19:08,815 - Don't sweat. - My palms are a bit sweaty. 954 01:19:09,190 --> 01:19:12,179 Here. I'll dial it for you. 955 01:19:14,710 --> 01:19:17,513 - Hello? - Hello? Who's speaking? 956 01:19:17,617 --> 01:19:20,169 - It's Olga, darling. - This is not Cometti's residence? 957 01:19:20,763 --> 01:19:22,763 Sorry, wrong number. 958 01:19:22,908 --> 01:19:25,304 - Wrong number, right. - It's your turn now. 959 01:19:25,888 --> 01:19:27,127 I'll give it a go. 960 01:19:27,221 --> 01:19:28,710 You called me, darling? 961 01:19:29,627 --> 01:19:31,658 - Hello. Did you call the lady? - To be honest I... 962 01:19:31,710 --> 01:19:35,492 So why did you call? Do you mind if I sit? 963 01:19:36,075 --> 01:19:40,221 - Must be a wire contact... - Do you mind if I bring a friend? 964 01:19:40,460 --> 01:19:44,231 - Do you mind if I order Champagne? - Of course not! Waiter, take away this junk. 965 01:19:44,231 --> 01:19:46,263 Away, away! Garçon, Champagne! 966 01:19:48,075 --> 01:19:49,929 They did everything that could be done... 967 01:19:49,929 --> 01:19:51,867 to get robbed in a night club. 968 01:19:52,460 --> 01:19:55,398 Two crates of Dom Perignon made with baking soda. 969 01:19:58,346 --> 01:20:00,335 Midnight flambé dinner. 970 01:20:04,450 --> 01:20:06,440 Tragic souvenir photos of the night. 971 01:20:06,752 --> 01:20:09,085 Calboni ordered 40 copies. 972 01:20:10,283 --> 01:20:14,190 Plus three monstrous plush toys gifted to the ladies. 973 01:20:16,263 --> 01:20:19,054 Gypsy violins on the dance floor. 974 01:20:19,908 --> 01:20:20,742 If only I could have... 975 01:20:22,096 --> 01:20:23,138 the opportunity... 976 01:20:25,429 --> 01:20:26,471 to find... 977 01:20:28,138 --> 01:20:31,096 a person who could understand me, I would be willing to do anything. 978 01:20:32,388 --> 01:20:36,023 - How is it going with yours? - Mine is a bit too tall. 979 01:20:36,721 --> 01:20:40,242 Good. I think it's time to bring them to your house. 980 01:20:40,450 --> 01:20:41,513 Oh, yes? 981 01:20:43,231 --> 01:20:46,117 Bravo! Bravo! Thank you, guys! 982 01:20:46,388 --> 01:20:48,096 Goodnight! Let's go then. 983 01:20:50,367 --> 01:20:51,992 - The bill, sir. - Sure. 984 01:20:55,023 --> 01:20:56,471 Well, put it on my tab. 985 01:20:57,513 --> 01:20:58,283 What tab? 986 01:20:59,679 --> 01:21:00,700 Send the bill to me. 987 01:21:01,263 --> 01:21:02,502 To which address? 988 01:21:03,773 --> 01:21:05,721 You deal with this. We square up later. 989 01:21:05,721 --> 01:21:08,242 - In the meanwhile I talk to the ladies. - You fix this then? 990 01:21:20,513 --> 01:21:21,835 Excuse me. 991 01:21:26,815 --> 01:21:29,294 649,000 Liras! 992 01:21:30,148 --> 01:21:32,440 Plus 18% service charge! 993 01:21:33,794 --> 01:21:36,763 Four years of sacrificed savings. 994 01:21:41,773 --> 01:21:47,085 Furthermore, Calboni finally revealed the true identity of those "ladies". 995 01:21:48,481 --> 01:21:52,138 I agreed on 50,000 Liras per girl. A bargain, right? 996 01:21:53,315 --> 01:21:55,169 What? They want money? 997 01:21:55,242 --> 01:21:58,200 Yes, why? How much have we got left? 998 01:21:58,888 --> 01:22:01,950 With accountant Filini's 8,000 Liras we have... 999 01:22:02,398 --> 01:22:05,992 - 52,000 Liras. - Gee, it's just enough for my girl. 1000 01:22:06,106 --> 01:22:08,450 Well, give it to me because mine wants to be paid in advance. 1001 01:22:10,408 --> 01:22:12,835 Sorry girls, they are stingy. A pair of scroungers. 1002 01:22:13,023 --> 01:22:14,804 Come. Let's go. Taxi! 1003 01:22:15,408 --> 01:22:17,992 How does one get a taxi around here? Taxi! 1004 01:22:18,513 --> 01:22:20,450 This time he called nine of them. 1005 01:22:21,033 --> 01:22:23,773 An average of two and a quarter each. 1006 01:22:36,721 --> 01:22:38,221 - Calboni? - You fix this... 1007 01:22:38,221 --> 01:22:41,096 - ...we square it later. - But how? They want to be paid. 1008 01:22:41,138 --> 01:22:42,794 How do I fix this? Calboni? 1009 01:22:42,950 --> 01:22:46,544 - I have no more m... - Hey, who's paying here? 1010 01:22:46,815 --> 01:22:48,252 Just a moment. 1011 01:22:48,773 --> 01:22:49,752 Filini? 1012 01:22:49,773 --> 01:22:51,106 Yes, accountant? 1013 01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:54,731 - You fix this. - Me? 1014 01:22:54,763 --> 01:22:58,617 - Yes, we'll square it... later. - How? 1015 01:22:58,627 --> 01:23:01,783 Accountant Fantozzi, don't leave me like this. 1016 01:23:01,783 --> 01:23:04,804 Filini spent the rest of the night in the Emergency Room... 1017 01:23:04,960 --> 01:23:07,575 of "Our Lady Immaculate" hospital. 1018 01:23:14,158 --> 01:23:17,888 Instead, Fantozzi spent the night on his own doorstep. 1019 01:23:27,877 --> 01:23:31,294 It's 7 already! Pina, hurry! Coffee, newspapers, the mail! 1020 01:23:32,169 --> 01:23:34,408 Good morning, Mrs. Silvani-Calboni... 1021 01:23:34,617 --> 01:23:37,106 - What brings you here? - Where is my husband? 1022 01:23:38,669 --> 01:23:40,856 Eh... ah... eh... ah... 1023 01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:42,877 I didn't understand the question. 1024 01:23:42,908 --> 01:23:44,763 Where is my husband, the swine? 1025 01:23:45,158 --> 01:23:46,638 - The swine? Surveyor Calboni? - Exactly. 1026 01:23:47,242 --> 01:23:52,919 Surveyor Calboni did a whole detour... and left. 1027 01:23:53,002 --> 01:23:53,460 - Is that so? - Yes. 1028 01:23:53,669 --> 01:23:56,950 Why were you laying here like a watchdog then? 1029 01:23:57,398 --> 01:24:00,742 Because each saturday it's my turn. 1030 01:24:00,929 --> 01:24:05,575 - In this building we draw names and... - Stop playing the fool, Fantozzi! 1031 01:24:06,033 --> 01:24:07,877 You know fine well that he's in there with a woman. 1032 01:24:08,138 --> 01:24:12,513 And you're helping him. You're a pander! You rent by the hour! 1033 01:24:12,679 --> 01:24:14,117 - By the hour? - Yes, by the hour! 1034 01:24:14,356 --> 01:24:19,304 "Fantocci" don't be a fool and open this door! 1035 01:24:19,804 --> 01:24:21,533 Ma'am, I don't have the keys. 1036 01:24:22,148 --> 01:24:23,200 Isn't this your apartment? 1037 01:24:23,356 --> 01:24:27,221 This one? No, it was... I mean... I... 1038 01:24:28,138 --> 01:24:30,533 He bolted the door. 1039 01:24:34,221 --> 01:24:36,033 - Swine! - You're a swine, Calboni! 1040 01:24:36,325 --> 01:24:39,169 You made her cry. Open up! 1041 01:24:39,773 --> 01:24:41,398 You made her cry. Swine! 1042 01:24:43,106 --> 01:24:44,648 - "Fantocci". - Fantozzi. 1043 01:24:45,304 --> 01:24:46,471 - "Fantocci". - "Fantocci". 1044 01:24:46,658 --> 01:24:51,544 "Fantocci", be a man and break through that door. 1045 01:24:54,054 --> 01:24:54,888 I will. 1046 01:24:59,596 --> 01:25:02,971 Wait, it did't come out good. I'll try again. 1047 01:25:05,950 --> 01:25:08,033 - What are you doing? - The door is brand new. 1048 01:25:08,263 --> 01:25:10,648 Break through the door properly! Start from up there... 1049 01:25:11,044 --> 01:25:12,294 - ...and give it a good push. - Yes. 1050 01:25:13,690 --> 01:25:17,638 Take a flying jump, come on! Come down like a battering-ram. 1051 01:25:21,835 --> 01:25:22,731 Banzai! 1052 01:25:23,929 --> 01:25:25,252 Ok, ok, I'm opening. 1053 01:25:32,794 --> 01:25:36,721 He fell right on the 5:26 bus. The number 77... 1054 01:25:37,377 --> 01:25:40,596 returned him home at 6:13... 1055 01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:44,325 after completing the whole Ring Road around the city. 1056 01:25:53,783 --> 01:25:54,408 Swine! 1057 01:25:56,283 --> 01:25:57,648 Oh, it's you accountant Fantozzi? 1058 01:25:58,190 --> 01:25:59,523 I thought it was that swine. 1059 01:26:00,377 --> 01:26:02,513 Besides, you sneak in like that. No warning or anything. 1060 01:26:02,867 --> 01:26:04,596 Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, madam. 1061 01:26:05,492 --> 01:26:07,648 Why that face? I didn't kill you, did I? 1062 01:26:07,835 --> 01:26:08,554 It was so light. 1063 01:26:09,044 --> 01:26:12,763 Indeed, it was my wife's precious Murano blownglass vase. 1064 01:26:13,085 --> 01:26:15,596 Do not worry though, Luckily we have two... 1065 01:26:16,002 --> 01:26:17,179 Mrs. Silvani-Calboni. 1066 01:26:17,606 --> 01:26:19,752 Don't call me that! I don't want to hear that name! 1067 01:26:19,846 --> 01:26:21,533 I'm sorry, I won't call you that again. 1068 01:26:21,575 --> 01:26:23,554 It's the last one you know? 1069 01:26:23,752 --> 01:26:26,117 It's safer if I put it away. 1070 01:26:29,440 --> 01:26:31,221 Luckily, I saved it. 1071 01:26:36,221 --> 01:26:37,502 So can I return... 1072 01:26:37,940 --> 01:26:40,763 to call you Miss Silvani... 1073 01:26:40,971 --> 01:26:42,075 like in the good old days? 1074 01:26:42,502 --> 01:26:43,502 - You know what he did? - No. 1075 01:26:43,731 --> 01:26:46,158 You want to know? Not only he cheated on me... 1076 01:26:46,325 --> 01:26:48,085 but he ran away, the coward! 1077 01:26:48,106 --> 01:26:49,492 He left me alone with that beanpole. 1078 01:26:49,752 --> 01:26:50,940 You know what she did? 1079 01:26:51,242 --> 01:26:52,773 She broke an umbrella on my head. 1080 01:26:53,815 --> 01:26:56,263 It was my wife's umbrella. The only umbrella. 1081 01:26:57,169 --> 01:26:59,221 The straw that broke the camel's back. 1082 01:26:59,315 --> 01:27:02,096 You already broke everything. And here's me thinking... 1083 01:27:02,179 --> 01:27:05,356 that you were a happy couple. 1084 01:27:06,325 --> 01:27:07,867 It was the biggest mistake of my life. 1085 01:27:10,158 --> 01:27:11,242 A tragedy. 1086 01:27:12,054 --> 01:27:13,950 - A failure. - Madam! 1087 01:27:15,002 --> 01:27:16,356 Madam! 1088 01:27:17,408 --> 01:27:18,398 What are you doing? 1089 01:27:18,950 --> 01:27:21,367 I was kissing my... your hand. 1090 01:27:22,877 --> 01:27:25,481 Luckily I'm still young and good looking... 1091 01:27:25,481 --> 01:27:26,596 to start over again. 1092 01:27:26,679 --> 01:27:28,346 You're beautiful. 1093 01:27:28,398 --> 01:27:30,825 It's over! It's over! You know what I'll do now? 1094 01:27:30,825 --> 01:27:33,596 - No. - I'll sleep in a hotel tonight. 1095 01:27:33,679 --> 01:27:35,127 - Good! - And then you know what I'll do? 1096 01:27:35,481 --> 01:27:38,898 I'll quit work, get my severance. And I'll run off with whoever is at hand. 1097 01:27:39,065 --> 01:27:40,804 Why with whoev... ev... hand? 1098 01:27:40,877 --> 01:27:41,898 What did you say? 1099 01:27:42,085 --> 01:27:43,919 Why run off with whoever is at hand? 1100 01:27:44,815 --> 01:27:45,398 Madam... 1101 01:27:46,846 --> 01:27:48,648 I'm also tired of this life. 1102 01:27:49,231 --> 01:27:51,190 I can get severance too. 1103 01:27:51,377 --> 01:27:54,304 I'm young and good-looking enough too. 1104 01:27:58,075 --> 01:28:00,565 Madam, just say one word. 1105 01:28:00,929 --> 01:28:02,648 No wait, not even that... 1106 01:28:02,815 --> 01:28:04,638 because silence gives consent. 1107 01:28:04,940 --> 01:28:07,252 Madam, let me hug you! 1108 01:28:12,544 --> 01:28:16,544 This time it was the bus number 102 from the hills. 1109 01:28:16,638 --> 01:28:20,231 So Fantozzi had all the time to go through... 1110 01:28:20,231 --> 01:28:23,023 all possible solutions for his new life. 1111 01:28:23,440 --> 01:28:26,690 "Croupier" in Casablanca. Drummer in Harlem. 1112 01:28:26,700 --> 01:28:31,794 Hippie in Nepal. At last, he let her decide... 1113 01:28:32,096 --> 01:28:33,273 her mate. 1114 01:28:34,065 --> 01:28:35,773 - Let's go to Capri. - To do what? 1115 01:28:36,252 --> 01:28:37,460 I don't know. Like a honeymoon. 1116 01:28:38,783 --> 01:28:40,054 We'll see from there. 1117 01:28:42,315 --> 01:28:45,044 Accountant Fantozzi, what's the matter? Come on! 1118 01:28:45,825 --> 01:28:48,710 It was the last punch of his life. 1119 01:28:48,992 --> 01:28:53,460 Fantozzi did it with indifference... as usual. 1120 01:29:03,669 --> 01:29:07,117 In the same style, trying... 1121 01:29:07,117 --> 01:29:11,481 not to give away any emotion, he had his last meal with the family. 1122 01:29:24,929 --> 01:29:26,179 Well... 1123 01:29:28,054 --> 01:29:30,565 I'm going out... 1124 01:29:30,658 --> 01:29:32,148 to buy cigarettes. 1125 01:29:37,117 --> 01:29:37,856 Yes, Ugo. 1126 01:29:38,638 --> 01:29:39,752 No, it's OK. 1127 01:29:44,544 --> 01:29:47,648 - I'll be back soon. - Yes. 1128 01:29:52,356 --> 01:29:54,304 Cigarettes? Dad has never smoked. 1129 01:29:56,158 --> 01:29:58,294 He decided to try. 1130 01:29:58,794 --> 01:30:00,013 Let's hope he decides to quit soon. 1131 01:30:15,575 --> 01:30:18,398 Imagine that in 11 hours... 1132 01:30:18,815 --> 01:30:20,669 11 hours and 40 tops... 1133 01:30:21,096 --> 01:30:22,804 we'll be in Naples. 1134 01:30:23,773 --> 01:30:26,960 In my honeymoon it took us 1 hour and 20... 1135 01:30:27,481 --> 01:30:29,960 with a Mercedes spider 2800. 1136 01:30:30,429 --> 01:30:33,763 Calboni was what he was but he knew cars. 1137 01:30:34,179 --> 01:30:36,992 For your honeymoon with Calboni you went to... 1138 01:30:37,377 --> 01:30:38,335 Capri? 1139 01:30:39,273 --> 01:30:41,971 That's where people usually go for a honeymoon, isn't it? 1140 01:30:43,710 --> 01:30:46,294 I don't know, Venice? 1141 01:30:46,950 --> 01:30:48,992 Venice! So ordinary. 1142 01:30:49,460 --> 01:30:52,346 It doesn't matter. What matters... 1143 01:30:52,492 --> 01:30:54,398 is to make a clean break with the past. 1144 01:30:54,419 --> 01:30:57,085 No, what matters is to be on time to catch the last ferry. 1145 01:30:59,221 --> 01:31:01,138 Speed up, Fantozzi! 1146 01:31:01,242 --> 01:31:02,492 We're going to miss it. 1147 01:31:02,888 --> 01:31:05,169 Faster! Turn that wheel come on! 1148 01:31:06,231 --> 01:31:07,700 Accelerate! 1149 01:31:08,898 --> 01:31:10,710 Brake! Brake! 1150 01:31:11,585 --> 01:31:12,419 Brake! 1151 01:31:19,533 --> 01:31:21,346 Calboni was what he was... 1152 01:31:21,450 --> 01:31:23,544 but when I travelled with him weather was great. 1153 01:31:23,752 --> 01:31:25,377 As hot as Africa! 1154 01:31:26,533 --> 01:31:28,492 Well, excuse me madam... 1155 01:31:29,138 --> 01:31:31,242 but you went in July... 1156 01:31:32,033 --> 01:31:34,065 and today is the 20th of December. 1157 01:31:36,731 --> 01:31:39,721 I bet Calboni didn't even feel seasick. 1158 01:31:40,117 --> 01:31:42,700 Oh well, you can say anything about that swine... 1159 01:31:42,981 --> 01:31:44,627 but he's as seaworthy as a battleship. 1160 01:31:47,940 --> 01:31:49,690 Why? You won't vomit here, will you? 1161 01:31:49,971 --> 01:31:51,106 No, no, no! I'm... 1162 01:31:51,502 --> 01:31:53,315 I'm an aircraft c... An aircraft carrier! 1163 01:31:53,783 --> 01:31:55,013 An aircraft carrier! 1164 01:31:57,888 --> 01:31:58,731 Excuse me! 1165 01:32:02,658 --> 01:32:05,252 Oi! Man overboard! Man overboard! 1166 01:32:15,544 --> 01:32:16,940 To top Calboni... 1167 01:32:17,210 --> 01:32:20,502 Fantozzi chose the most expensive hotel in Capri. 1168 01:32:21,127 --> 01:32:23,940 Also because it was the only one open in winter. 1169 01:32:26,971 --> 01:32:28,992 - Your luggage, please. - Who's this? 1170 01:32:29,429 --> 01:32:31,013 - The luggage. - Get your hands off. 1171 01:32:31,429 --> 01:32:33,700 Son...! Son of a gun! 1172 01:32:33,908 --> 01:32:36,523 - Thief, hands off! - Please, leave your luggage to me. 1173 01:32:40,794 --> 01:32:42,481 Sorry. I'm very sorry. 1174 01:32:42,523 --> 01:32:44,138 You're so rough with the subordinates, Fantozzi. 1175 01:32:44,627 --> 01:32:47,377 I'll sit down a moment while you go to the reception. 1176 01:32:47,763 --> 01:32:48,710 At your order, madam. 1177 01:32:53,544 --> 01:32:55,367 Good morning, excuse me... 1178 01:32:55,888 --> 01:32:59,117 do you have two single rooms by chance? 1179 01:33:00,013 --> 01:33:01,419 We only have suites, sir. 1180 01:33:04,002 --> 01:33:05,335 How much are they? 1181 01:33:05,804 --> 01:33:07,440 - 60,000. - That's all? 1182 01:33:07,544 --> 01:33:09,492 Fantozzi thought 60,000 a month. 1183 01:33:10,617 --> 01:33:12,096 This is low season, sir. 1184 01:33:12,783 --> 01:33:15,908 The sea-view suite is 80,000, sir. 1185 01:33:17,388 --> 01:33:20,013 If you would like something better we have the Royal suite... 1186 01:33:20,023 --> 01:33:20,825 100,000. 1187 01:33:21,263 --> 01:33:23,565 - I'll take it! - Very well, sir. 1188 01:33:23,815 --> 01:33:25,096 It's mine! Don't give it to anyone else! 1189 01:33:25,408 --> 01:33:27,835 I'll give you the documents imediately. 1190 01:33:28,502 --> 01:33:31,888 This is the lady's passport... 1191 01:33:32,356 --> 01:33:34,179 ahem, the madam's passport. 1192 01:33:34,502 --> 01:33:36,908 And this is my bowls club card. 1193 01:33:37,138 --> 01:33:40,679 - I'll pay you now. - There's no rush sir, you can pay later. 1194 01:33:40,731 --> 01:33:42,513 Follow me. 1195 01:33:42,585 --> 01:33:44,481 - Here. - Thanks. 1196 01:33:45,700 --> 01:33:47,731 - You're welcome. - The key? 1197 01:33:48,710 --> 01:33:52,533 A suite like this for 100.000 sounds like something out of a fairytale. 1198 01:33:53,033 --> 01:33:54,575 It's even too much. 1199 01:33:54,867 --> 01:33:57,190 - This is the bedroom... - Not bad. 1200 01:33:57,773 --> 01:33:59,679 - ...with two bathrooms. - Yes, of course. 1201 01:34:01,221 --> 01:34:03,419 This is almost boorish. 1202 01:34:09,075 --> 01:34:10,315 What happened now? 1203 01:34:11,023 --> 01:34:12,460 - The key on my foot. - Good. 1204 01:34:12,617 --> 01:34:15,148 - What you mean "good"? - Do you prefer to have dinner downstairs... 1205 01:34:15,148 --> 01:34:17,273 or in your room? 1206 01:34:17,679 --> 01:34:20,825 Here! Here! With candles! A cosy dinner in the room. 1207 01:34:21,294 --> 01:34:23,346 No way! Neither here nor downstairs... 1208 01:34:23,377 --> 01:34:25,460 I couldn't eat a caper tonight. 1209 01:34:25,908 --> 01:34:28,888 My only dream is to get into this bed. 1210 01:34:29,638 --> 01:34:31,190 Into the bed? No capers! 1211 01:34:31,190 --> 01:34:34,367 I'm not hungry either. Get lost! 1212 01:34:35,273 --> 01:34:36,763 Madam. 1213 01:34:39,096 --> 01:34:41,648 Ugo Fantozzi, what's on your mind? 1214 01:34:41,888 --> 01:34:43,940 Calboni was what he was... 1215 01:34:44,398 --> 01:34:46,200 but on the first night he had the tactfulness... 1216 01:34:46,200 --> 01:34:48,606 ...of sleeping in the other room. Won't you do the same? 1217 01:34:48,700 --> 01:34:50,346 No, ahem... yes. 1218 01:34:50,429 --> 01:34:52,585 - Then go sleep in the other room. - Yes. 1219 01:34:53,044 --> 01:34:54,460 - Go already! - Yes, yes. 1220 01:34:56,013 --> 01:34:58,585 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 1221 01:35:07,481 --> 01:35:10,190 - What's the matter now? - My... my hand! 1222 01:35:10,294 --> 01:35:13,565 - What? - I left my hand... 1223 01:35:14,013 --> 01:35:15,169 in your room! 1224 01:35:16,190 --> 01:35:17,585 I can leave it to you... 1225 01:35:17,585 --> 01:35:20,523 - ...if you like. - No, no. Take it back... 1226 01:35:20,617 --> 01:35:22,346 and stop harassing me. 1227 01:35:23,585 --> 01:35:28,450 First day, morning. Tragic shopping with frantic search for the infamous... 1228 01:35:28,929 --> 01:35:32,783 Caprese fishermen clogs, which suited Calboni so well. 1229 01:35:33,742 --> 01:35:35,502 I love 'em! 1230 01:35:35,825 --> 01:35:37,992 They make you look thinner. Can you walk? 1231 01:35:38,252 --> 01:35:41,742 Yes, yes, madam. I can walk... so-so. 1232 01:35:43,315 --> 01:35:45,304 I can walk... I can almost... 1233 01:35:45,502 --> 01:35:47,231 HOLY SHIT! 1234 01:36:19,908 --> 01:36:21,992 How am I doing? 1235 01:36:22,981 --> 01:36:25,283 Good. Very good. 1236 01:36:40,325 --> 01:36:41,429 Fantozzi! 1237 01:36:42,096 --> 01:36:44,325 Why don't you go through the famous stacks? 1238 01:36:44,481 --> 01:36:45,940 Calboni used to do it all the time! 1239 01:37:20,075 --> 01:37:21,263 Is this thing yours? 1240 01:37:21,888 --> 01:37:24,179 Yes, yes. Carry him to the Royal suite. 1241 01:37:31,335 --> 01:37:34,294 What...? Where am I? 1242 01:37:36,513 --> 01:37:38,169 I'm on the double bed. 1243 01:37:38,835 --> 01:37:40,283 - Ma'am? - Yes? 1244 01:37:40,606 --> 01:37:41,992 - Where are you? - Here. 1245 01:37:42,481 --> 01:37:43,481 What are you doing? 1246 01:37:43,523 --> 01:37:44,929 Reddening my lips. 1247 01:37:44,971 --> 01:37:46,158 You cracked your lips? 1248 01:37:46,252 --> 01:37:48,440 No, Fantozzi. I meant painting my lips. 1249 01:37:50,919 --> 01:37:52,408 Madam... 1250 01:37:52,575 --> 01:37:54,710 Did I sleep on the... Good morning. 1251 01:37:55,585 --> 01:37:58,846 Did I sleep in the double bed? 1252 01:37:59,023 --> 01:38:00,690 - Yes, yes. - Sorry? 1253 01:38:00,919 --> 01:38:02,263 Yes, Fantozzi. 1254 01:38:03,523 --> 01:38:05,096 - And what did I do? - Everything. 1255 01:38:05,533 --> 01:38:08,929 - Sorry? - Everything, Fantozzi. 1256 01:38:09,398 --> 01:38:10,669 Madam... 1257 01:38:10,763 --> 01:38:13,179 I feel like angels are flying. 1258 01:38:14,554 --> 01:38:16,992 Always so poetic, Fantozzi. 1259 01:38:19,252 --> 01:38:21,054 Although, madam... 1260 01:38:21,096 --> 01:38:24,075 I can't remember anything at all. 1261 01:38:24,544 --> 01:38:25,763 It's for the best, Fantozzi. 1262 01:38:26,554 --> 01:38:29,763 Let's go, let's go. Calboni was what he was... 1263 01:38:30,158 --> 01:38:31,648 but at this time he was already swimming in the pool. 1264 01:38:32,367 --> 01:38:33,773 Let's go. 1265 01:38:34,544 --> 01:38:35,929 To the swimming pool then! 1266 01:38:42,190 --> 01:38:44,804 Madam, here's a nice swim in the teeth of Calboni. 1267 01:38:45,523 --> 01:38:47,471 Excuse me waiter, how's the water in the swimming pool? 1268 01:38:47,721 --> 01:38:48,648 What water? 1269 01:38:55,606 --> 01:38:57,617 Fantozzi! What are you doing? 1270 01:38:57,898 --> 01:39:04,940 Come in madam, don't be afraid, it's not deep. 1271 01:39:05,783 --> 01:39:09,127 In the evening Fantozzi attempted a desperate recovery. 1272 01:39:09,679 --> 01:39:11,367 I can hear the sea! 1273 01:39:12,638 --> 01:39:14,450 You're hearing it and I'll go in it. 1274 01:39:14,658 --> 01:39:16,804 I bet Calboni never attempted... 1275 01:39:16,898 --> 01:39:19,690 an Acapulco-style dive like this. 1276 01:39:20,513 --> 01:39:23,054 Isn't it a bit too high? 1277 01:39:25,835 --> 01:39:28,315 No worries, madam. I've got a boat there... 1278 01:39:28,315 --> 01:39:30,221 waiting for me. I'm going then. 1279 01:39:31,669 --> 01:39:33,023 Bless the Virgin Mary protector of divers. 1280 01:39:52,888 --> 01:39:54,731 I see you had a nice day, sir. 1281 01:40:08,481 --> 01:40:10,242 This is my stuff. 1282 01:40:10,971 --> 01:40:13,888 And those shoes? 1283 01:40:14,388 --> 01:40:17,169 Excuse me, whose shoes are those? 1284 01:40:17,398 --> 01:40:21,054 They're her husband's. He arrived an hour ago to spend the holidays with her... 1285 01:40:21,658 --> 01:40:23,044 and they are already partying. 1286 01:40:23,794 --> 01:40:25,888 They're already... partying. 1287 01:40:25,960 --> 01:40:28,460 You took so long to find me. 1288 01:40:28,773 --> 01:40:31,690 I couldn't wait any longer. Cheers, my love. 1289 01:40:32,231 --> 01:40:34,888 Cheers my arse. You swear that... 1290 01:40:34,888 --> 01:40:36,929 the cockroach never touched you! 1291 01:40:37,398 --> 01:40:39,283 Of course I swear it. 1292 01:40:39,960 --> 01:40:43,200 I only let him think that. He fell for it like an idiot. 1293 01:40:43,544 --> 01:40:44,846 I almost pity him. 1294 01:40:54,690 --> 01:40:58,023 "Swimming pool repairs, restoration of the main stack... 1295 01:40:58,085 --> 01:40:59,627 compensation... 1296 01:41:00,575 --> 01:41:03,471 compensation for destruction of furnishings... 1297 01:41:03,627 --> 01:41:06,356 four stretcher-bearer calls, one for recovery room... 1298 01:41:06,731 --> 01:41:08,763 pre-owned boat completely destroyed... 1299 01:41:08,815 --> 01:41:12,731 tourist tax and full board for Mr. and Mrs. Calboni until Epiphany day". 1300 01:41:13,888 --> 01:41:15,554 Is this all the cash? 1301 01:41:19,148 --> 01:41:20,367 Promissory notes! 1302 01:41:20,408 --> 01:41:24,867 2 lbs and 3/4 of them, to be paid within three months. 1303 01:41:26,356 --> 01:41:29,263 Fantozzi signed them with cold indifference... 1304 01:41:29,700 --> 01:41:33,096 because he had already planned to kill himself... 1305 01:41:33,106 --> 01:41:34,971 by jumping off from Tiberius's Leap. 1306 01:41:40,700 --> 01:41:44,408 Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp! 1307 01:41:55,325 --> 01:41:58,585 He was later caught by a fishing boat from Torre Anunziata... 1308 01:41:59,263 --> 01:42:02,075 resold to "Findus" and then put on the market... 1309 01:42:02,075 --> 01:42:03,835 as frozen grouper. 1310 01:42:08,429 --> 01:42:09,815 Merry Christmas, madam. How may I help you? 1311 01:42:09,877 --> 01:42:13,721 - Merry Christmas. I would like... - That one? 1312 01:42:14,252 --> 01:42:15,263 Two nice slices? 1313 01:42:15,408 --> 01:42:17,742 No, no, no! I want it in one piece. 1314 01:42:18,263 --> 01:42:19,721 All of it, whole! 1315 01:42:20,731 --> 01:42:21,815 How much per pound? 1316 01:42:40,908 --> 01:42:42,096 Ugo... 1317 01:42:43,023 --> 01:42:44,242 everything will be fixed. 1318 01:42:45,898 --> 01:42:48,221 Even at the office. 1319 01:42:49,158 --> 01:42:50,398 If not, who cares. 1320 01:42:51,106 --> 01:42:52,388 What matters is that you love us. 1321 01:42:55,096 --> 01:42:56,002 Do you love us? 1322 01:42:56,981 --> 01:42:57,929 Do you love us, daddy? 1323 01:43:04,148 --> 01:43:05,565 Yeah, after all... 1324 01:43:06,252 --> 01:43:07,492 who cares! 1325 01:43:09,846 --> 01:43:10,763 Good heavens. 1326 01:43:11,481 --> 01:43:12,794 Ugo, are you alright? 1327 01:43:15,127 --> 01:43:16,398 Ugo, dear. 1328 01:43:24,419 --> 01:43:26,263 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 1329 01:43:36,731 --> 01:43:39,752 Hello? Yes, that's me. Who's speaking? 1330 01:43:41,804 --> 01:43:42,481 Who? 1331 01:43:43,867 --> 01:43:45,242 Is this a prank? 1332 01:43:45,679 --> 01:43:46,585 It was not. 1333 01:43:46,804 --> 01:43:50,835 On the phone it was indeed the Mega President himself. 1334 01:43:51,263 --> 01:43:53,544 Dear Fantozzi, first of all, Merry Christmas. 1335 01:43:54,002 --> 01:43:56,638 I have here your re-instatement request and your file. 1336 01:43:57,450 --> 01:44:00,585 I apologise for disturbing the privacy of your home in this Holy night... 1337 01:44:00,585 --> 01:44:04,075 but I put up at my office because for me work... 1338 01:44:04,075 --> 01:44:05,127 is prayer. 1339 01:44:05,648 --> 01:44:07,502 I need to talk to you for a moment... 1340 01:44:07,950 --> 01:44:09,554 so sit down and listen... 1341 01:44:32,294 --> 01:44:34,096 So, dear Fantozzi, do you accept? 1342 01:44:34,263 --> 01:44:34,888 Yes! 1343 01:44:36,065 --> 01:44:38,804 Fantozzi! Here already? 1344 01:44:39,315 --> 01:44:41,950 - I accept everything! - But... 1345 01:44:42,044 --> 01:44:44,044 you didn't even hear what I'm offering. 1346 01:44:44,533 --> 01:44:45,981 I accept anyway. 1347 01:44:46,065 --> 01:44:48,377 I surrender unconditionally. 1348 01:44:50,190 --> 01:44:53,783 Come here then, dear Fantozzi... 1349 01:44:54,669 --> 01:44:56,617 What's the matter? Are you afraid? 1350 01:44:57,044 --> 01:44:58,669 But we love you so much. 1351 01:44:58,981 --> 01:45:01,502 That's why I'm afraid. 1352 01:45:02,148 --> 01:45:04,971 Come, come... 1353 01:45:05,273 --> 01:45:07,575 Let's kill the fattened CALF! 1354 01:45:07,648 --> 01:45:08,606 Me? 1355 01:45:09,054 --> 01:45:12,315 Not you, of course. You're the prodigal son. 1356 01:45:12,846 --> 01:45:16,835 The lost sheep that returns to the FOLD! 1357 01:45:17,888 --> 01:45:20,804 And we say: "welcome back"! 1358 01:45:21,054 --> 01:45:22,960 Thank you. So you're taking me back? 1359 01:45:23,013 --> 01:45:23,992 Of course. 1360 01:45:24,398 --> 01:45:26,263 Will I get my old job back? 1361 01:45:27,033 --> 01:45:29,742 No. Not exactly. 1362 01:45:30,544 --> 01:45:33,065 But we give you something more. 1363 01:45:33,523 --> 01:45:35,096 - Meaning? - Meaning... 1364 01:45:35,221 --> 01:45:36,867 that aside from our forgiveness... 1365 01:45:37,075 --> 01:45:41,315 we're also offering you the purifying joy of deserving it. 1366 01:45:42,127 --> 01:45:48,138 You will start from zero, Fantozzi. From the lowest rank. 1367 01:45:48,398 --> 01:45:51,867 We hire you back as... 1368 01:45:51,867 --> 01:45:54,700 ...lightning rod. 1369 01:45:55,919 --> 01:45:58,533 Fantozzi! 1370 01:45:59,065 --> 01:46:01,044 I wish you a good day... 1371 01:46:01,190 --> 01:46:02,804 my dear accountant! 1372 01:46:03,554 --> 01:46:06,148 Please, don't be so sad! 1373 01:46:06,794 --> 01:46:10,638 Laugh! Laugh! Because work is joy! 1374 01:46:10,742 --> 01:46:13,044 Work is mirth! 1375 01:46:14,450 --> 01:46:16,971 Yes, that's the spirit! 1376 01:46:19,794 --> 01:46:21,877 And now, get to work! 1377 01:46:24,398 --> 01:46:27,825 Excellent! Good luck, Fantozzi! 1378 01:47:05,638 --> 01:47:11,888 Fantozzi Ugo, accountant. ID 1001/bis. From the accidents department. 1379 01:47:14,492 --> 01:47:20,742 Get over here. (Yes Director!) Go over there. MOVE IT! 1380 01:47:22,304 --> 01:47:24,908 Uhh, there's a new glass wall here! 1381 01:47:25,950 --> 01:47:33,242 Time to get up, eat and dress up... hope I can catch the bus. 1382 01:47:35,846 --> 01:47:41,575 If I'm too late, for punching my card... FANTOZZI! 1383 01:47:43,138 --> 01:47:46,783 Please, don't crucify me in the canteen. It's embarassing. 1384 01:47:47,825 --> 01:47:51,992 This is some public humiliation! It gets my fingers all tangled up! 101919