Original subtitles

It's over eight million bucks. That's a lot of DeNiros.

This is a berry, berry bad!

Earth's boring.

I'll save us.

Let's go visit my parents at their fabulous casino in Mars Vegas.

(ALL CLAMORING EXCITEDLY)

Take that, Earth!

Look out, penny slots. I've got a system.

It's to put all my money in you. (LAUGHS)

ZOIDBERG, maybe Vegas isn't the best place for people like you.

What? It's full of fat guys in sandals.

I just mean, your money management skills could use some work.

Like, the only reason my family even

owns a casino is 'cause we've kept

such a close eye on our money for generations.

BENDER: You sure have!

No offense, ZOIDBERG,

but maybe you'd be better off if you stayed behind.

Yes, better. A lonely weekend

in my dumpster with a jar of pennies and tears.

Sounds good. See you Monday!

(POLICE SIRENS WAILING)

The cops are closing in. Better ditch the loot somewhere.

Hey-yo, how about that dumpster down there?

You mean the one in that alley off 72nd Street?

Yeah. What do you think I'm pointing at?

BENDER: Mars Vegas, here we come!

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING WITH SURPRISE)

(SIGHS)

God, it's ZOIDBERG. I hate to bother you, but...

Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

LEO: This very lucky casino we own.

Someone wins one million dollar every hour!

Usually it us.

33 black. Everyone lose.

(ALL SIGH) Man!

I can't help noticing a lot of your employees are native Martians.

Yeah, they a proud, grouchy people.

(GROWLS)

Well, they do work for minimum wage

in a land that was once theirs.

Yeah, but they never made wise use of the land.

When my ancestor Reginald Wong found them here,

they had no bingo parlors and only one prostitute.

Pfft. Pathetic.

This here the buffet.

Ooh! Perfect timing! It's the weekly changing of the shrimp!

Way up here's the money-counting room.

It's Mars' happiest place on Earth! (LAUGHS)

This much money could feed a small, starving planet.

But it doesn't!

(GROANING EXCITEDLY)

I'll just reach down and get that.

(LAUGHS)

(SNIFFS) Something don't smell right.

(SCREAMS IN PAIN)

Don't mess with Blind Joe. Nothing get past his sense of smell.

Yeah, that's why he in here. Guarding galaxy's most secure safe.

Every day at 3:45, we load in the daily take.

This whole place is finely tuned machine

for separating suckers from their money.

(BEEPING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five sucker now arriving.

(BRASSY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

The minute you walked in the joint I could smell you were a man

Who was stinking'

A real big lobster, fresh shellfish You give me a rash

Ladies love a Decapod With clothes made of cash

Then let me get right to the point

I don't boil my pot for every Crab I see

Hey, rich lobster

Blow your wad of cash on me

ZOIDBERG, what are you doing here?

And what's with all the money?

It's my eight million dollars. God gave it to me.

Come now! God didn't get to be God by giving away money.

Loosen up. You can't take it with you.

Now, I'm heading down to the casino,

and I'm taking my money with me.

This is why you never see a poor person with millions of dollars.

Eight one-million-dollar chips, please.

I think that's about eight.

Everything on 34.

ZOIDBERG, what are you doing?

I don't know. I think it's called roulette.

34 red. You win $288 million.

(ALL CLAMOR ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Let it ride! (ALL GASP)

34 red. Ten billion, 368 million dollars.

Vodka with a sardine in it, please.

In fact, vodka with a sardine all around!

And let it ride!

(ALL GASP)

Stop! At least set aside a billion for a decent apartment.

No! I'm having fun and a sardini!

15 black.

ALL: Aw...

Now that's the God I know.

ZOIDBERG, what is wrong with you?

You just threw away a fortune!

Easy come, easy go. But for one brief moment,

I made everybody on Mars happy.

And if you ask me, that makes me a winner.

(BEEPING)

AUTOMATED VOICE: Category five loser now departing.

Hey, big lobster

(LAUGHS)

I'll make this simple. Our money or your life.

sardini?

I'm telling you the truth, I swear!

Clamps, break something over his head.

Everything in here's already broken.

Find the least broken object and use that.

This Judith Krantz novel's only missing its frontispiece.

Ow!

I told you, I spent it in Mars Vegas! All eight million dollars!

He can't be lying', boss. Not after a Krantzing like that.

All right. Then I'm afraid we must kill you

and dispose of your body in the nearest dumpster.

This one we're in seems pretty close.

(SHRIEKS)

JOEY MOUSEPAD: He's full of ink!

We should have brought a gun.

(GROANING)

That was one hell of a weekend in Vegas.

Dude, where's my ship?

I parked it over there.

Well, I don't remember much, but I feel fine.

Oh, my God! Amy's mirror got a tattoo!

Luckily, we're prepared for this eventuality.

What's that? A tattoo removal laser?

(LAUGHS) Hermes, you and your preposterous sci fi nonsense.

No, this is simply a translucidating ink polarizer.

It aligns the pigment molecules, channeling photons through,

and rendering the ink invisible.

Ah. So it's less painful than regular tattoo removal.

Nobody said that.

(SCREAMS)

The robot mafia's after me!

You got to hide me, or it's curtains for Johnny Z.

Hide a giant lobster covered in ink?

And how do you propose we do that?

(SCREAMS)

My God! He was so saturated with ink

that his entire body structure was polarized!

You mean I'm invisible?

No, no, no. Not in any sense of the word.

But essentially, yes, entirely.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

JOEY MOUSEPAD: It's no use, ZOIDBERG. We're, like, 85% sure you're in there!

Where is that rat?

DR. ZOIDBERG: Zoidberg's not here.

All right, but if you see him, give him one of these... (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANS)

And one of these, and not one of these. (DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING)

Come on, Clamps, let's go, and watch out,

there's some sort of smelly air pocket over here.

(THUDDING)

Well, that's that. We ain't getting our money back from this ZOIDBERG.

Hey, boss, this here casino looks like it makes a lot of money.

Maybe the Mafia should get involved in the casino business.

What are you, an idiot?

Pretty much, yeah.

Then you won't notice when I claim your idea as my own.

Come on, let's go take over this casino.

LEO: Fore!

Mr. Wong, we have a Mafia proposal for you.

Your casino, give it to us.

Okay, fine, I just retire to my fabulous mansion.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, boss, ain't that the type of mansion you like?

Amy, the Mafia took everything we had.

Our casino, our home, and our collection of rare servants.

Don't worry, Mom, you can always come live with me.

No, we can't. Who do you think been paying your rent?

What's rent?

Okay, we're at the dump. Where should we heave this stuff?

It's not a dump. It's the company housing we built for our employees.

Only place we can afford now.

So just drop it here on this bloody mattress?

(SOBBING)

Thanks, Tissue Ghost.

DR. ZOIDBERG: You can't afford tissue anymore.

This is Walgreens brand nose paper.

ZOIDBERG? You snuck in here while I was taking a bath?

No, you snuck in here while I was grabbing a bubble cake.

(BELCHES)

Listen, ZOIDBERG, I owe you an apology.

No, no, no. Go ahead.

I was condescending to you 'cause you were poor,

but now I realize it can happen to anyone. I'm sorry.

I appreciate that, Amy. Is there any way I can help, maybe?

No, I don't see how... Wait, don't see.

That's how you can help!

There's one sure way to set everything right.

We'll use your invisibility to pull off

a daring and complex casino heist.

Of course, because no one can possibly know what I'm up to.

I've summoned you to the chart room to explain how we're going to

break into the casino vault, steal millions

of dollars from under the Mafia's nose,

and return the casino to its rightful owners. Questions?

How come we've never been in this room before?

I think this chart will answer that.

Now, the heist.

As you know, the main vault is here

in the counting room on the top floor.

But your dad said it's the galaxy's most secure safe.

Yes, but they open it every day at 3:45 to load the take.

Then ZOIDBERG walks right in because he's invisible.

(ALL AGREEING) Well, that, that just might work.

Over here with the donut.

But the money's not invisible.

If the Mafia sees stacks of cash floating out,

won't they shoot first and ask questions later?

Not if ZOIDBERG eats the money.

Everything he swallows turns invisible.

Like so.

Then later we just retrieve it at our convenience.

Hold on, that much cash would weigh over 300 pounds.

How can ZOIDBERG walk out with that much weight?

And he may be invisible, but he's not in smell able.

He stinks like the inside of a Tauntaun.

Won't someone notice the stench?

No, and to keep you on your toes,

I'll explain why only after the heist has begun.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

AMY: The key to the whole operation is the casino's shrimp buffet.

Today is Friday, the day the week-old shrimp get hauled off,

so the stench should be just strong enough

to mask Zoidberg's presence.

Ew.

What's bringing the stank?

It ain't my gambling diaper. I just changed it. Must be the shrimp.

It's working. ZOIDBERG, what are you doing?

Sorry, I'm just so hungry.

Don't spoil your appetite. You need to eat 300 pounds of cash salad.

At precisely 3:40, the hazmat team

arrives to swap out the shrimp.

(MUFFLED SHOUTS)

Meanwhile, 10 floors above, the vault is being opened.

(SNIFFS)

Something don't smell right.

Shut your nose. It's just the shrimp cart.

(DR. ZOIDBERG GROANING)

I think there was something wrong with that rotten shrimp.

Stop griping. Now get in there,

and remember, eat everything in the safe,

especially the little metal box.

That's the most valuable thing of all.

Three, two, one.

No, our cart! We count on that for our job that we do.

Pee-u.

Joey, you got fingers, right? Help me fix the lady's wheel.

AMY: Once our man's inside, we'll need to distract the Donbot

So he doesn't close the safe prematurely.

You know, I think I'll close the safe a little prematurely today.

Whoa.

Don't shut that door, partner. I'm a crazy Texas robot millionaire,

and I plan on losing billions in your "casiny."

Can you assure me my losings

will be safe in this here money closet?

Yes. Please step aside.

Four alarm chili. Four alarm chili.

Hello! I'm Prime Minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria.

I trust you received my spam e-mail?

Nelson, thank God you're here, Hermes!

(GROANING)

So full. And I still have to eat the metal box.

(BELCHES)

As you can see by my jeans and hoodie,

I'm a young Internet billionaire.

DR. ZOIDBERG: Help! I'm sick! I can't move at all!

What was that?

I said "A seek a kanamoo a tall."

It means, "We must leave now in an unusual manner."

(ALL STRAINING)

I'm enjoying the casino business.

You meet a lot of colorful characters.

Okay, you're good to go. Get this bubba dump out of here.

Okay, push "roof" and we're home free!

Zoidberg's too heavy! The elevator's dropping!

Change of plan! We'll have to leave through the main exit!

Everybody say “fresh shrimp!"

(GROANS) That was a rough ride.

(BELCHES)

Uh-oh.

Look! The shrimp cart's paying out!

Keep going. We're almost outside!

ZOIDBERG, try to just burp up singles.

FRY: Blind Joe!

Smell with your eyes what I see with my nose.

(ALL GASP)

Well, well, well, what have we here?

Seriously, what is that?

It's whoever or whatever just emptied out your safe.

All right, shoot him, Blind Joe.

And let this be a lesson to any other

albino lobsters thinking of robbing our casino.

(COCKS WEAPON)

There ya go.

Don't shoot! I have a deal to offer you.

Sorry. We native Martians aren't so crazy

about deals with the Wong family.

That's because you don't know the original deal,

the one my family kept secret for centuries.

(LAUGHS)

This is the original contract sighed by Reginald Wong.

It stated that my ancestors would hold the land for 100 years,

after which it was supposed to revert to the Martians.

This casino belongs to your people!

(ALL CHEER)

But, Amy, you planned this whole thing to get the casino back!

Yes, back to its rightful owners.

Now just a hold on minute. This casino is wrongfully ours.

Security!

Escort the trespassers to one of the desert's finest holes.

With ironic pleasure. Let's go, trespassers.

Hey! What? Hey! Those are my clamps!

Take it easy'! Hey, what are you doing?

Well, we lost the casino, but thanks to Amy's kindness,

the Martians gave us back our house. And our other casino.

So what happens to the hero of our story, ZOIDBERG?

Will I be invisible forever?

No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.

So, forever.

Come on. You can use the spa tub in the high-roller suite.

Hey, big lobster

Take a little bath with me