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1
00:00:28,152 --> 00:00:29,153
BENDER: "Free Beer"?
2
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,279
(PANTING)
3
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,784
Free beer. Free beer.
4
00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:36,452
Free beer. Free beer.
5
00:00:36,577 --> 00:00:39,372
Free beer, beer, beer, beer,
beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer!
6
00:00:39,455 --> 00:00:40,623
Free...
7
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,252
(SQUAWKING)
8
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:45,628
(GRUNTS)
9
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,131
(SCREAMING)
10
00:00:55,012 --> 00:00:56,347
Ah!
11
00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:59,016
Hello. I'm here
for the free beer.
12
00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:00,560
You got it.
13
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:03,187
Right after these
800 people get it.
14
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,272
(CHATTERING)
15
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,566
Beer, beer-beer, beer, beer.
16
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,484
(FANFARE PLAYING)
Beer?
17
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:12,989
Ah... yeah!
18
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,075
Thank you,
Headless Clone of Agnew.
19
00:01:16,158 --> 00:01:17,660
My fellow Earthicans,
20
00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:20,830
I'm proud to announce
I'm running for reelection
21
00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:24,709
as president of Earth, the
greatest planet in the world.
22
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:26,252
ALL: Yeah!
23
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:29,171
Is everyone enjoying
their free beer?
24
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,631
ALL: Yeah!
25
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:34,343
Well, there's plenty more
where that came from.
26
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,930
We're all out of beer.
27
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:43,352
All right, listen up, nitwits.
28
00:01:43,477 --> 00:01:47,690
Who here is tired of illegal space
aliens taking our good Earth jobs?
29
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,233
(CROWD CHEERING)
30
00:01:49,942 --> 00:01:52,570
Me, too.
So, if I'm reelected,
31
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:55,865
I promise to build
a really big Dyson fence
32
00:01:55,948 --> 00:01:58,451
across the southern border
of our solar system.
33
00:01:58,534 --> 00:01:59,827
(CHEERING)
34
00:02:00,536 --> 00:02:04,582
And furthermore, by golly, I
promise to cut taxes for the rich
35
00:02:04,665 --> 00:02:08,544
and use the poor as a cheap
source of teeth for aquarium gravel.
36
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,172
Yeah!
That'll show those poor!
37
00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:13,883
Why are you cheering, Fry?
You're not rich.
38
00:02:13,966 --> 00:02:16,135
True, but someday
I might be rich.
39
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:19,513
And then people like me
better watch their step. (SIGHS)
40
00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,015
Let's just find Bender.
41
00:02:26,145 --> 00:02:28,064
Ah, that hit the spot.
42
00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,649
I found Bender!
43
00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:36,447
Good news, everyone.
(STUTTERS)
44
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,366
What?
I've repaired myself
45
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:42,328
with these convenient "Reelect
Nixon" ass stickers. Go, Nixon!
46
00:02:42,578 --> 00:02:45,665
Bender, you can't even vote.
You're a convicted felon.
47
00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,209
Convicted, sentenced
and executed.
48
00:02:48,292 --> 00:02:51,087
But Nixon passed a law that
says ex-cons can vote again
49
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,588
as long as they
vote for Nixon.
50
00:02:52,713 --> 00:02:56,884
But Nixon's the worst president
in history and alternate history.
51
00:02:56,967 --> 00:02:59,011
The rest of you aren't
voting for him, are you?
52
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,346
Sure, we are!
Why not?
53
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,139
He may not be perfect,
54
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,684
but do we really want
some unknown new guy?
55
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:08,020
I'll stick with the evil
maniac I know, thank you.
56
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,772
Well, I think
we can do better.
57
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:12,858
This year, I'm going to get
involved in the political process
58
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,902
and make my voice heard.
59
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,737
What?
60
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:25,371
Welcome to Debate 3012,
61
00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:30,042
the 3,012th debate
of the 3012 election year.
62
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,919
We have a crowded
field of candidates,
63
00:03:32,002 --> 00:03:34,547
so I will dispense with
the informal terrorizing
64
00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:35,965
and begin the questions.
65
00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,967
Is this the
political process?
66
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:39,593
"Cause I'm here to
get involved in it.
67
00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:40,970
Silence!
68
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:46,559
Question one. Will you pledge
today to somehow reduce taxes
69
00:03:46,642 --> 00:03:48,894
while simultaneously
lowering the deficit?
70
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:50,938
Hey, that's a good idea. Sure.
71
00:03:51,021 --> 00:03:52,982
If it'll win me
the election, then yes.
72
00:03:53,315 --> 00:03:56,318
We have a saying
up in Alaska.
73
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,695
That's all.
74
00:03:58,863 --> 00:03:59,989
Senator Travers?
75
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:03,451
Look, let's be honest here.
No one likes taxes,
76
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:07,663
but they pay for our basic
needs. Roads, schools, defense.
77
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:11,333
If we hope to realize our
aspirations as a great planet,
78
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:15,713
we must each pay our fair share
to achieve those noble goals.
79
00:04:17,339 --> 00:04:18,966
(ALL BOOING)
80
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,848
Thank you, Senator. A
thoughtful and lucid answer.
81
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,641
You will be destroyed!
82
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,770
Question two. The
environment. Yes or no?
83
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,646
No. It's junk science.
84
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,774
Two words.
Condor attack.
85
00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:36,609
Don't want that.
Got to say no.
86
00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:40,029
Now, just a minute.
These are important issues.
87
00:04:40,112 --> 00:04:42,156
We can't just
reduce them to sound bytes.
88
00:04:42,239 --> 00:04:43,699
(ALL BOOING)
89
00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:46,118
According to
reputable scientists...
90
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,286
(ALL BOOING)
91
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,122
Enviromite!
92
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,749
(ALL CHEERING)
93
00:04:58,088 --> 00:05:02,092
Hello? I'd like to volunteer.
Is anyone lurking?
94
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,385
(GRUNTING)
95
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,306
Hey, stop that.
96
00:05:09,016 --> 00:05:10,226
Senator Travers?
97
00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:12,102
That's no way
to win an election.
98
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:15,481
(SIGHS) I give up. No one
cares about my message.
99
00:05:15,564 --> 00:05:18,692
I never should have used the
same PR guy as One Hour Hot Dog.
100
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:23,489
People will wait
for something good.
101
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,157
No, don't quit.
102
00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:27,076
You have great ideas.
103
00:05:27,159 --> 00:05:29,495
You just need to get them
out there with social media.
104
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:30,621
(BEEPS)
105
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:33,541
Look, I posted your
debate video on Face bag.
106
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,835
10,000 views?
107
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,379
That's more than most
water-skiing squirrels get.
108
00:05:38,462 --> 00:05:40,214
You really think
I have a chance?
109
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,715
Absolutely.
110
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,634
We just need to
conceal your intelligence
111
00:05:43,717 --> 00:05:46,178
and honesty in a hipper,
dumber package.
112
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,347
Well, what have
I got to lose?
113
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,933
I'm making you
my new campaign manager.
114
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:52,017
You, out!
115
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:56,105
You haven't
heard the last of...
116
00:05:57,064 --> 00:05:58,983
(LINDA READING)
117
00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:03,028
As the Iowa caucus approaches,
118
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:07,575
the state's hippest citizens turned
out for an old-fashioned flash mob.
119
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:11,579
MORBO: Chris Travers got a bump
in the New Hampshire polls today,
120
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:15,749
where he simuldined in 250
diners at once via hologram.
121
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,711
This pie at this diner
is the best pie.
122
00:06:18,794 --> 00:06:20,129
(ALL CHEERING)
123
00:06:21,755 --> 00:06:25,342
LINDA: Chris Travers wins the
South California primary handily,
124
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:28,637
thanks to a series of
well-placed cameo appearances.
125
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,640
MORBO: Super Tuesday
is in the books,
126
00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:35,811
with Eurasia, Australia and
Kentucky turning out in big numbers.
127
00:06:36,061 --> 00:06:37,313
With the race a dead heat,
128
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:40,482
it's all come down to a
final tally at the convention.
129
00:06:44,778 --> 00:06:46,280
(CROWD CHEERING)
130
00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:48,324
CALCULON:
And the first runner-up,
131
00:06:48,657 --> 00:06:53,120
who will take over if the nominee
is caught with a dead girl, a live boy
132
00:06:53,203 --> 00:06:55,414
or any kind of sexy ghost,
133
00:06:55,539 --> 00:06:57,082
Mr. Greenland!
(GASPS)
134
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,792
(CROWD APPLAUDING)
135
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,339
Which means
our nominee is the senator
136
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:06,133
from the nation-state
of Hawaii,
137
00:07:06,383 --> 00:07:07,885
Chris Travers!
138
00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:09,428
(CROWD CHEERING)
139
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:11,931
He won the nomination!
140
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:13,766
We, the people, did it!
141
00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:16,769
It wasn't "we, the people,”
it was you, the mutant.
142
00:07:16,852 --> 00:07:19,438
Your insightful nagging
really won us over.
143
00:07:19,521 --> 00:07:21,565
Yeah. You explained
his positions
144
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,859
in a way even
an idiot could understand.
145
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,320
And that appealed to me,
for whatever reason.
146
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,989
Thanks, guys, but we have
a lot of work ahead of us.
147
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,616
If we're going
to win the election,
148
00:07:30,699 --> 00:07:32,368
we've all got
to get involved.
149
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:34,286
You said it!
That's right.
150
00:07:34,536 --> 00:07:36,038
If you want my opinion,
151
00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:38,290
Nixon's only chance
to defeat Travers
152
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:40,709
is with filthy lies,
dirty tricks
153
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,295
and good old
Quaker thuggery.
154
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:46,131
And I'm just
the guy for the job.
155
00:07:46,423 --> 00:07:47,841
(LAUGHS)
156
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:49,927
(BOTH LAUGHING)
157
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,640
(BOTH HOWLING)
158
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,523
I'm not sure if it's safe to
talk. Are you wearing a wire?
159
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:03,899
I'm 40% wire.
160
00:08:04,191 --> 00:08:05,567
Excellent. Now, listen.
161
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,695
We got to get some dirt
on this Travers guy.
162
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,405
Really McGovern him up.
163
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:10,739
You know who
McGovern was, right?
164
00:08:11,031 --> 00:08:12,741
I don't even know
who you are.
165
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:23,794
Hello, dirt.
166
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:27,423
I'll start at "N"
for nude pictures.
167
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,592
Aw, Nobel Prize?
That's no good.
168
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,429
How about "A" for adultery?
169
00:08:34,221 --> 00:08:36,515
What?
Straight-A transcript?
170
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:39,852
(DOOR OPENS) TRAVERS:
Hey, what's that rifling sound?
171
00:08:39,935 --> 00:08:41,103
Uh-oh. (GULPS)
172
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,613
(MOANS)
173
00:08:53,615 --> 00:08:54,616
(UNZIPPING)
174
00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:02,708
All right. I'm going to
catch Travers on video
175
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,793
at this sleazy strip club.
176
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:08,797
BENDER: In and out of the club
13 times in one night.
177
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,050
That's a record.
Where's Travers?
178
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,926
All I see is you
going in and out.
179
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,636
Yeah, me.
I set the record.
180
00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:15,929
(SCOFFS)
181
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:19,141
This is as useless as those
pictures you photoshopped.
182
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:21,852
Look, just give me one
more chance. I got a source.
183
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:25,814
Well, you did manage to get
a tremendous urine sample.
184
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,108
Let's not talk about that.
185
00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:35,199
(METAL CLANKS)
186
00:09:35,282 --> 00:09:36,575
Is that you, Big Throat?
187
00:09:36,658 --> 00:09:38,285
In the flesh. (GIGGLES)
188
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:41,622
Listen, I need some dirt
on Senator Chris Travers.
189
00:09:41,830 --> 00:09:43,082
How quaint.
190
00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:48,212
But I suppose I should do
my part for political intercourse.
191
00:09:48,295 --> 00:09:51,632
Come closer,
and I'll expose what I know.
192
00:09:52,674 --> 00:09:53,675
There's nothing.
193
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,762
He's as clean as
a freshly waxed buttock.
194
00:09:57,012 --> 00:09:58,931
Hey! Did you put
your tongue in my ear?
195
00:09:59,014 --> 00:10:01,350
Certainly not.
I don't have a tongue.
196
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,435
Oh, good.
"Cause I don't have an ear.
197
00:10:03,852 --> 00:10:04,895
(CHITTERING)
198
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,606
Come on, come on, fall.
199
00:10:07,689 --> 00:10:09,441
Fall, damn it, fall!
(DOOR OPENS)
200
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,610
Well?
What did you get on Travers?
201
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:14,947
Is he a draft dodger?
Sex offender? Sex dodger?
202
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,532
nada. He's clean.
203
00:10:16,865 --> 00:10:19,159
I'm sorry, but there's
not one unusual thing
204
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,537
about Senator
Chris Zaxxar Travers.
205
00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:24,498
Wait, wait.
His middle name is Zaxxar?
206
00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:26,041
Sounds kind of alien.
207
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,292
The voters hate aliens.
208
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,337
They sure do, but this
guy's as human as you or me.
209
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,675
I don't care what he is. We'll
start a rumor that he's an alien.
210
00:10:34,883 --> 00:10:36,969
Hey, yeah.
That'll cost him votes.
211
00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:39,138
Then, when he says
he was born on this planet,
212
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,390
we make him cough up
his Earth certificate.
213
00:10:41,473 --> 00:10:43,600
Keep it on the news,
put him on the defensive.
214
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:49,064
Oh, this is sneaky. I feel a
jowl movement coming on.
215
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:50,941
(HOWLING)
216
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,194
And that's how
you end hunger.
217
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,821
Does anyone
have any questions?
218
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:57,990
I do, I do! Me, Bender!
219
00:10:58,323 --> 00:11:00,742
Yes, the robot with the
megaphone jumping up and down.
220
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:06,165
I have a question for
Senator C. Zaxxar Travers.
221
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,291
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
222
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,003
Tell me, Zaxxar,
223
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,338
were you even
born on Earth?
224
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,258
Because the Earth
constitution clearly states
225
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:19,386
that only people born
on Earth can be president.
226
00:11:19,469 --> 00:11:21,847
Isn't that right,
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
227
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:24,266
You Ruth Bader believe it!
228
00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:25,642
But I...
229
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,519
Of course
I was born on Earth.
230
00:11:27,769 --> 00:11:29,188
Oh, really?
231
00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,608
Then we voters demand you
release your Earth certificate
232
00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:34,484
so I can then
claim it's a fake.
233
00:11:34,818 --> 00:11:37,529
I'm not going to dignify
this preposterous charge.
234
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,281
Are there any
real questions?
235
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:41,533
Scoop Chang,
Fox Quote-Unquote News.
236
00:11:41,783 --> 00:11:43,285
Senator,
in the last 10 seconds,
237
00:11:43,368 --> 00:11:45,662
I've heard reports you
weren't actually born on Earth.
238
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,372
Care to evade these
compelling charges?
239
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,291
No. I mean, yes.
240
00:11:49,374 --> 00:11:50,626
I mean... (GROANS)
241
00:11:54,254 --> 00:11:56,465
Okay, let's nip this
Earth-er movement in the bud
242
00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:58,133
by releasing your
Earth certificate.
243
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,218
Where were you born?
244
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,136
Our Lady of
Patriotism Hospital.
245
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,305
Patriotism, good.
Where is it?
246
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,557
Kenya.
Cradle of humanity.
247
00:12:05,682 --> 00:12:09,353
Leela, this is just a stupid
distraction from the issues.
248
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:12,356
Please don't look for
my Earth certificate.
249
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,858
Hey! That was
my favorite window.
250
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,526
I better see
what they want.
251
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,570
(CHANTING)
We want an Earthling,
252
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,781
not a dirty space thing!
253
00:12:20,864 --> 00:12:22,491
Why are you
rednecks doing this?
254
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:24,243
Leela, don't stereotype.
255
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:26,453
Why are you yokels
doing this?
256
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:29,456
I may be just
a backwoods septic tank,
257
00:12:29,539 --> 00:12:32,417
but I've had it up to here
with you foreigners.
258
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,294
But I come from Earth.
259
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:37,130
Then show us your
Earth whatchamacallit.
260
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,717
Long-form certificate
of live birth. (SIGHS)
261
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,761
What would it take
to convince you people?
262
00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:44,972
Would I have to have been born
right before your eyes?
263
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,431
It wouldn't hurts.
264
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,766
Hit it, rubes!
265
00:12:47,891 --> 00:12:49,851
(CHANTING)
We don't want a foreigner!
266
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,812
We want someone born here!
267
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,231
Eh, I'm still
working on that one.
268
00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:55,941
(GROANS)
269
00:12:56,024 --> 00:12:57,317
What's wrong with you?
270
00:12:57,401 --> 00:13:00,237
Why are you sabotaging a
decent, honest candidate?
271
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:03,490
"Cause they won't let me near
the Hoover Dam anymore. Ooh!
272
00:13:03,573 --> 00:13:05,659
What a bunch of xenophobes.
273
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,161
It's time to find Senator
Travers' Earth certificate
274
00:13:08,245 --> 00:13:09,830
and put an end
to this nonsense.
275
00:13:10,205 --> 00:13:12,457
Who wants to help me break
into the hospital in Kenya?
276
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:15,961
I'll come. As long as
there's no xenophobes there.
277
00:13:16,044 --> 00:13:17,045
(SHUDDERS)
278
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,715
I want to come, too.
You? Why?
279
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,260
To prove that I can put
divisive partisan politics aside
280
00:13:23,343 --> 00:13:25,262
to participate in a break-in.
281
00:13:37,357 --> 00:13:38,859
Hospital ho!
282
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,572
(GRUNTING)
283
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:48,744
(GRUNTING)
284
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,337
(HOOF BEATS APPROACHING)
Shh!
285
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,422
It's a herd of
night watchmen.
286
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:09,973
(GASPS) I found it!
287
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:15,270
I don't understand. There's
no Earth certificate in here.
288
00:14:15,395 --> 00:14:16,521
TRAVERS: No, there isn't.
289
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,566
(ALL GASP)
290
00:14:19,649 --> 00:14:21,693
I told you not to look.
291
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,945
So, you're not
from Earth after all.
292
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,572
Of course I'm from Earth.
293
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,283
Wait a second.
There's no Earth certificate,
294
00:14:28,408 --> 00:14:30,160
but it does say your
mother was admitted
295
00:14:30,285 --> 00:14:32,537
to the maternity ward.
This morning!
296
00:14:32,829 --> 00:14:35,040
(GASPS)
(SIGHS)
297
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:37,626
I should have known the truth
would come out sooner or later.
298
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:41,421
The fact is,
I really was born on Earth
299
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:42,589
tomorrow.
300
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:45,342
You see,
I'm not from another planet.
301
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,177
I'm from the future.
302
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,638
(GASPING)
303
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,141
(GAGGING)
304
00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,698
This is crazy.
You're from the future?
305
00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:11,493
Yes. I was sent back
from the year 3028
306
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,161
to prevent Nixon
from getting elected.
307
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,705
I was sent forward
from the year 2000,
308
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:18,083
but you don't hear me
gassing on about it.
309
00:15:18,166 --> 00:15:20,877
But why would it be so
important to stop Nixon?
310
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:24,005
Because of the horrific events
he's going to set in motion.
311
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,465
(SOBS) Oh, God.
312
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,509
I can't bring myself
to describe it.
313
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,636
Oh, well. Want to hear
about how I got frozen?
314
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,888
Not really.
315
00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:34,808
It all started
with Nixon's promise
316
00:15:34,891 --> 00:15:37,686
to build an alien-proof fence
around the solar system.
317
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:41,398
Without cheap alien labor for
menial jobs like harvesting crops,
318
00:15:41,773 --> 00:15:42,774
teaching math,
319
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:45,777
and curing disease,
the economy collapsed.
320
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,865
Starvation.
Desperation. Despair.
321
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:51,992
So far, so good.
Then what?
322
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,786
TRAVERS: Unable to feed
the world's starving masses,
323
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,580
Nixon took bold action.
324
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,584
In this time of crisis,
I call upon the soy-lent...
325
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:02,627
I mean, silent majority.
326
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,171
(ALL CHEERING)
327
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:06,465
(ALL SCREAMING)
328
00:16:11,636 --> 00:16:12,637
Still good.
329
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,431
TRAVERS: With the
working class gone,
330
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:17,559
robots were forced
to do all the menial labor.
331
00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:23,315
Before long,
they rose up in revolt...
332
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:33,575
Led by a bending unit
named B.B. Rodriguez.
333
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:35,076
(CACKLING)
334
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:40,415
BENDER: Wait... I know a robot
named B.B. Rodriguez!
335
00:16:40,707 --> 00:16:44,169
Wait... I am a robot
named B.B. Rodriguez.
336
00:16:44,252 --> 00:16:45,921
So, I become
ruler of Earth?
337
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,172
Indeed.
338
00:16:47,255 --> 00:16:50,091
Yes! In your face, high
school guidance counselor.
339
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:54,012
TRAVERS: The robots crushed our
most treasured monuments and celebrities,
340
00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:56,806
but they couldn't
crush the human spirit.
341
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,058
We went into hiding,
342
00:16:58,141 --> 00:17:01,520
and after careful research,
located a xeroxed copy
343
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,272
of an ancient
time travel code.
344
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,941
Though I was only 15,
345
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:09,528
mankind entrusted me with
its last remaining suit and tie
346
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,363
and sent me back in time.
347
00:17:11,446 --> 00:17:13,198
I would be raised
by my grandparents,
348
00:17:13,281 --> 00:17:15,075
somehow get into
Harvard Law School,
349
00:17:15,158 --> 00:17:17,285
become a community organizer,
a senator,
350
00:17:17,577 --> 00:17:18,662
and finally,
351
00:17:18,745 --> 00:17:20,580
defeat Richard Nixon.
352
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,752
I escaped just as
the robots arrived.
353
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,173
All right, I'm low on bullets.
Everybody, scooch together.
354
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:33,009
It's not too late. You
can still win the election.
355
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,470
No, I can't.
The Earthers are right.
356
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,180
I have no Earth certificate.
357
00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:39,933
But you will have one
in just a few hours.
358
00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:41,768
And everyone
will know it's real,
359
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,980
'cause we'll broadcast
your birth on live TV.
360
00:17:46,439 --> 00:17:48,817
If it's on TV,
it has to be real.
361
00:17:50,735 --> 00:17:53,572
Morbo interrupts
Bowling For Quatloos
362
00:17:53,780 --> 00:17:57,826
to present breaking coverage of
the birth of Senator Chris Travers.
363
00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,245
We now go live to
the delivery room,
364
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:02,163
where we're
already at there.
365
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,790
(MOANS)
366
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,459
Ow!
367
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,545
Back, please.
She needs room.
368
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,297
Thanks.
Not you.
369
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,965
The camerawoman
needs room.
370
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,967
This is it,
ladies and gentlemen.
371
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,302
The candidate is...
372
00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:17,220
I believe he's crowning!
373
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,598
Push, Mom, push.
You can do it.
374
00:18:19,973 --> 00:18:22,976
I bet nothing comes out.
Just you watch.
375
00:18:23,059 --> 00:18:24,769
Here comes the head.
376
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,354
And now the neck.
377
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,857
Linda,
I'm down here at the pelvis,
378
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:32,068
and folks round these parts
can't remember the last time
379
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:36,072
a time-traveling senator
attended his own birth. Back to you.
380
00:18:36,364 --> 00:18:39,034
Thanks, Morbo.
You be careful down there.
381
00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:40,493
(BABY CRYING)
382
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,871
LINDA: And the
candidate is born!
383
00:18:43,246 --> 00:18:46,833
We have a birth.
Repeat, we have a birth.
384
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:48,084
(ALL GASPING)
385
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,629
Aw...
386
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,213
He's got his own eyes.
387
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,466
Well, who'd have thunk it?
388
00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:58,094
He was born all right,
just like he said.
389
00:19:06,978 --> 00:19:10,774
And with the polls now closed
in every time zone worldwide,
390
00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:13,818
from Tomorrow land
to the Republic of Yesterday,
391
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,570
we are able to
declare a winner.
392
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:18,531
Chris Travers,
who leapt backwards in time
393
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:21,868
and ahead in the polls,
has defeated Richard Nixon.
394
00:19:21,951 --> 00:19:23,244
(ALL CHEERING)
395
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:25,955
LEELA: He did it! He did it!
396
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,793
Yes! Congratulations,
Mr. President.
397
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:31,503
It's all thanks to you, Leela.
398
00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:34,881
You stood by me and exposed
my private medical records,
399
00:19:34,964 --> 00:19:36,675
even after
I begged you not to.
400
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,176
Aw, thanks.
401
00:19:38,259 --> 00:19:41,513
Now, get up to that podium
and change the world.
402
00:19:41,596 --> 00:19:43,932
Too bad your pal
Nixon lost, Bender.
403
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,642
You must be
pretty glorked off.
404
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,478
Nope. I don't give a bag of
butts who won the election.
405
00:19:48,561 --> 00:19:49,688
Nothing's going to change.
406
00:19:49,979 --> 00:19:51,856
What? How can you say that?
407
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,942
Watch and learn.
408
00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:57,862
My fellow Earthicans,
409
00:19:57,946 --> 00:20:01,116
I am honored and humbled
to stand before you tonight
410
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,118
as your next president.
411
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,786
Together, we will...
412
00:20:04,869 --> 00:20:06,371
Hey, what's going on?
413
00:20:06,454 --> 00:20:08,081
What's happening?
414
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,876
You see, since
Nixon wasn't elected,
415
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,878
the robot uprising
didn't happen
416
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:16,548
and Travers never got
sent back from the future.
417
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,675
It's Politics 101.
418
00:20:18,883 --> 00:20:20,468
(SCREAMING)
419
00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:25,473
And the votes are in.
420
00:20:25,682 --> 00:20:27,600
Richard Nixon,
running unopposed,
421
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:30,478
has been reelected
by a narrow landslide.
422
00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:31,604
Say what?
423
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,523
My fellow Earthicans,
424
00:20:33,606 --> 00:20:36,735
I am honored and humbled
to gloat before you tonight
425
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,195
as your next president.
426
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,824
Wow, it really doesn't
matter who you vote for.
427
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:46,369
At least we tried to make a
difference by supporting Senator...
428
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,121
Senator...
429
00:20:48,204 --> 00:20:49,539
What was his name again?
430
00:20:49,622 --> 00:20:50,874
I don't remember.
431
00:20:50,957 --> 00:20:52,792
We never even
left this building.
432
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:53,877
What?
433
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,422
Nixon always wins!
434
00:20:57,505 --> 00:20:59,090
(HOWLING)
31657
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