All language subtitles for Futurama S06E20 - All the Presidents Heads

Good news, everyone.

Remember when you asked
to see my family tree?

ALL: No.

Ta-dal

This is my ancestor, Philo
Farnsworth, inventor of television,

and as a bonus,
childhood obesity.

And here's Dean Farnsworth,

developer of the Farnsworth
Test for Colorblindness.

Where is he, blast it?

And just recently, I learned
of a modern-day Farnsworth

who invented
the Anti-Senility Truss.

That's you, Professor.

Wha...

Ah, yes, the Farnsworths boast
a proud and distinguished lineage.

No wormy fruit
on this tree.

What about Fry?

(SNORING)
Isn't he your distant uncle?

Very distant. Not a true
Farnsworth, mind you.

He's way over here
on this filthy branch

riddled with fungus
and dung beetles.

(GASPS)

What's with
the 17 dung beetles?

Ugh!
(CHUCKLES)

Well, it's 6:00. I guess we'll have to
deliver that human heart tomorrow.

Good work, people.
Woo-hoo!

Time to go clubbing!
Baby seals, here I come.

Guess I better head over
to my night job.

You have a night job?
Yup.

It's exhausting, but I need
the extra money to buy coffee

so I can stay awake
for my night job.

But...
Got to go!

(WHOOPING)

Ah!

You've got a surprising amount of
algae in your beard, Mr. President.

Just sit still and let the
algae-eater do its work.

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Lay off my trademark mole!

Hi, Lars.

Whatever. I'm heading
out to my night job.

Remember, no loud noise, no
head bowling, and no parties,

or it'll be your ass in a jar.

I want to go to that museum!

Man, this place is a snooze.

Hey, Fry, I challenge President
Taft here to a pie-eating contest.

You're on, skinny.

Sorry, guys. You know
the rules. No fun allowed.

Come on, you pansy!
I'm thirsty!

I want me some
Tennessee loopy juice!

And I want loose women!

The kind that aren't afraid
to show a little ankle.

(WHISPERING) Or elbow.

No visitors. I'll lose my job.

Oh, boohoo. "I'll lose
my minimum wage job."

(ALL LAUGHING)

You're mean,
Rutherford B. Hayes!

Listen here, young man.

We have nothing to fear
but running out of beer.

(SIGHS) All right,
one small get-together,

but let's keep it
quiet and dignified.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

All right!

ALL: Four more beers!
Four more beers!

Yes! Right in the Ike!

(PANTING) Nice elbow action.

So, you grow hemp.

Yes.

And you do what with it?

All manner of things.

Manufacture paper,
fabric, rope...

Oh. Well,
nice talking to you.

Why, I used to smoke
about four feet of rope a day.

Let me give you
my pager number.

Hey, Reagan, remember when
you asked to see my family tree?

I asked you
to leave me alone.

The Farnsworths
are a remarkable...

Farnsworth?

That name is a stain
on American history.

One of the worst traitors of the
Revolution was a Farnsworth.

You're lying!

He's George Washington.

He tends not to do that.

David Farnsworth was a notorious
British agent and counterfeiter.

He conspired to bring down our
nation with his fraudulent currency!

A Farnsworth did this?
Oh, dear!

My good name is ruined!

Hi. I'm Jerry.
I like movies.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

Anyone seen Ulysses Grant?
He owes me a cheroot.

He's over there,
puking in the bushes.

BOTH: No!

(MUSIC STOPS)

(ALL GASPING)

Oh, boy.
Mr. Fry!

Why are all these
people standing around

when they should be partying?

All right!

(MUSIC RESUMES)

Hey, hey, LBJ,
you want to get drunk?

Hell, yeah. (EXCLAIMS)

ZOIDBERG, no! The effects of
jar juice aren't fully understood.

Uh... Not bad. A hint
of Vital is and... Whoa !!

I recognize this.
It's the 1960s!

I did a report on it
for my drug-taking class.

Hi, I'm Andy Warhol,

and you're some kind of
marvelous lobster-man.

Right on. Say, you got any
real soup, or just this schlock?

What a horrid bore.

Ooh.
Huh?

Far out. That head
gave me a total head trip!

Really? I'm gonna lick
Herbert Hoover's head.

Lick the head! Lick the head!

Whoa! A speakeasy! One
prohibited beverage, please.

Hey, Dutch,
the new still is here!

I'm not a still.
I just smell like one.

POLICEMAN: Dutch Schultz,
come out with your bootleg whiskey.

We're thirsty!

(GUNSHOTS)

What the heck
is going on?

Jefferson, did you
sell me some bad rope?

It must have something to do
with the jar fluid.

(SNIFFING) A-ha!

Dr. Cahill, do I detect
a trace of opalescence?

Very observant, Professor.

To preserve the heads, we use a
rare form of powdered crystalline opal.

This is
the world's entire supply.

Yet it's so powerful, it
should last a thousand years.

It keeps the heads alive,
but we don't know how.

Why did it give us
those hallucinations?

Because it didn't!

Yeah-uh.

Opal has unusual
temporal properties.

It preserves each head
in a time stasis bubble.

Ergo, licking those heads actually sent us
back in time to their original eras. Look!

Schlock and more schlock.

Psst. Is the coast clear?

Button your yap, you mug.

I've discovered a new
means of time travel.

I'll call it
the Farnsworth Effect!

Nice try, but even this discovery
won't undo the treachery

wrought by your nefarious
ancestor, David Farnsworth.

It will if we go back
in time and stop him!

(COUGHING)

(ALL GASPING)

Professor, no!

You can't tongue
the father of our country!

Where are we?
Also, when are we?

68th and Broadway,
Colonial era.

(BELL RINGING)

(COW MOOS)

Rush hour.

By my calculations, this head
trip will last at most 24 hours.

We need to stop that monster,
David Farnsworth!

Look at the date on this
newspaper. April 17th, 1775.

Say, on this exact date,

the Continental Congress was
meeting secretly in New York.

Maybe they can help us.

But they could be
meeting anywhere.

What are we going to do,
search building to building?

FARNSWORTH:
We'll start with that one.

Alexander Hamilton
of New York,

how say you?
Nay.

John Hancock and John Adams
of Massachusetts?

Yea
Yea

The yeas have it.

Our nation's official joke
state shall be New Jersey.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Uh-oh!

Ah, it is just
our new Crock-Pot.

Watch it, wiggy.
I ain't no stinking crock.

We'll see about that
in five hours.

Halt! From whence com-est
thou, one-eyed maiden?

Uh... Ever been to Peru?

Certainly not.

I'm from Peru.

Clam up,
Founding Fathers.

We need help locating the treacherous
forger who forged this forgery.

(ALL GASP)

My word.
If these enter circulation,

our economy will be destroyed, and
with it, our chance at independence.

Only one man in the colonies has a
printing press fine enough to make these.

Our good friend,
Ben Franklin!

Uh-oh. Isn't Franklin
in Philadelphia?

When he's not in Charlotte
or Marybelle or Louisa.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I don't get it.

I'm sure no one's
ever said this before,

but I must get to Philadelphia
as quickly as possible!

Oh. Why couldn't my disgraced
ancestor have lived in the NASCAR era?

Dr. Franklin, your new
steam engine IS here.

I ain't no
stinking steam engine!

(TIMER DINGS)
Chicken's ready.

You may go, Louisa.

Now I get it.

(MECHANICAL NOISES)

Fascinating.
Be you man or machine?

Mostly machine. Might be a
couple of dead cats in there.

Dr. Franklin,
with all due respect

to the brilliant
inventor of the stove,

I must speak with you.

(GRUNTS)

I'm looking for the scoundrel
who made this.

Intricate filigree, satanic
symbols. Looks like one of mine.

(GASPS) But no,
this is a fake!

Duh. It says,
"Colony of Maffachufetts."

More like Taxachufetts.

(SIGHS) That's just how we
print "S"is, you ftupid fhitheads.

Someone must
have used my press

while I was poking around
in Charlotte.

Let's ask my apprentice,
David Farnsworth.

(GASPS) Farnsworth?
That's him!

Arm yourselves!

I call it the Franklin at or.

The apprentice's suite
is empty! He's gone!

Wait. What's that glistening
in the chamber pot?

Let's find out!

Bender, do you know
what a chamber pot is?

I don't know,
and I don't care.

A Massachusetts
ha'penny?

Probably fake, too.
There's one way to find out.

ALL: Ew.

What?
Bender bit a poo penny.

Bender bit a poo penny.

Look, 'tis but worthless tin.

Where could Farnsworth have
minted such a high quality fake?

Not here.

But you know, I have a friend in
Boston who's an expert silversmith.

They could be connected.

There's only, like, 40 people
who do anything around here.

But Boston's 300 miles away, and
Bender kicked our horse to death.

We'll never get there
in time.

Unless you have another
invention up your sleeve.

Hmm...

How is this going
to get us to Boston?

(EXCLAIMS)

Stupid Franklin.

I will get you!

Ah. That scrap metal
I ordered is here.

I'm 40% scrap metal.

Well, Ben Franklin, my
fellow son of liber-tea kettles.

Yes, I've made
some new teakettles.

Perfect for
special occasions.

Like hanging King
George in effigy...

And "H" and "I" are monograms
you can put on those kettles.

What are you looking at,
you British bastards?

Paul, we talked about this.

Mr. Revere, we're
looking for a counterfeiter

who minted these
smelly ha'pennies.

His name is
David Farnsworth.

Farnsworth? I just hired him
for the fall candlestick rush.

He's in the foundry
this very moment.

(ALL GASPING)

Everybody,
take a Franklin at or.

Aw, I got a chipmunk.

LEELA: Hee-ya!

Uh, what?...?

David Farnsworth,
I presume?

(GARBLED)
I is Davy Farnsworth.

Foof. You're a disgrace
to the very name, Farnsworth.

Look out! He's got
a bezel-ling plan is her.

That's right.

Who wants to be
bevel-led?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

You idiot.
I'm not a cannon.

Huh. I guess I am a cannon.

(MOANS)

Time to prune
the family tree.

Wha!

(ALL CHEERING)

Huzzah! I've saved
the Farnsworth name.

Urgent message
for Mr. Revere.

"Mr. Revere, pray
do not fhit your pants.

"The British attack
has begun.

"Cross the river and watch
for my signal." I must ride.

(HORSE WHINNYING)

He has so much stuff.
He won't miss this.

Let's burn these counterfeits and paddle
the next swan boat the hell out of Boston.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Say, where did you
get that lantern?

From that old church
to the north.

They had two burning, so I
figured they wouldn't miss one.

"One if by land,
two if by sea."

The British are coming!
The British are coming!

By land. By land.

Gotta treat this OCD.
Gotta treat this OCD.

Fry, you dope.

You've really screwed
the granny this time.

History needed
that second lantern.

We'd better stop
Paul Revere before...

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I guess everything
worked out jolly all right, eh, guvnor?

(CHUCKLING)

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) What's
with the fruity accent, ducky?

Bollocks,
I got it, too.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Where's
all the Presidents heads, then?

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I say. Appears
we've changed history too much.

Disaster of nightmarish
proportions and what not.

Quite.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Where have you blokes been?

You nearly missed elevenses.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Who's for tea and shmavouries?

What in bloody hell's
going on around here, I says.

Indeed. What's become
of the dear old USA?

Beg pardon?

The Revolution?

1776 and what all?

Oh! The Colonial dust up. Well,
there's nothing we Brits enjoy more

than a good documentary. Turn
on the telly visor, Dr. Zoidsmythe.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
I'll dial up the Beeb.

They've always got
a nice docky-wocky on.

ANNOUNCER: The
Vanquished Pride of the Yankees,

or, America the Dutiful.

North America, or West
Britannia as we now call it,

has been under British rule
for 1,400 years,

all thanks to a nutter
known as Wrong-Way Revere.

The British are
coming by land, by land.

But we came by sea, we did.

Surprised the Yanks
at Lexington,

ending the rebellion
with nary a kipper scuffed.

Scuffed kippers, anyone?

Right kind of you, mum.

The humiliated conspirators

were forced to sign
the Declaration of Dependence,

proclaiming
British rule forever.

Meanwhile, a loyal Brit by
the name of David Farnsworth,

tracked down the traitor,
George Washington,

and bravely smothered him
with his wig.

(MUFFLED GASPS)

Oh, criminy.

In gratitude, King George
named Farnsworth a duke

and granted his family massive
landholdings in the colonies.

Blimey. I've never felt so
ashamed to be a Farnsworth.

Will my lord be returning to his
massive landholdings for luncheon?

Huh, what??

(YAWNS)

I know we're ladies in waiting,
but what are we waiting for?

How should I know?
Just shut up and wait.

Say, how is it that
we've got socialized medicine,

but me teeth
still look like this?

Can't we just go back in time,
and set things right again?

Don't want to. Rather nice, living
under the Crown and so forth.

Rather. (EXCLAIMS)

What's more, couldn't go back
even if we wanted to.

No more crystalline opal left
in all the world, don't you know?

My lord, the Queen is here
for her weekly visit.

The Queen?
Sounds most satisfactory.

All of you, out!

Right then. Let's go play
some quoits, whatever that is.

Presenting
the Queen of England,

America, and two
parking spaces in Tokyo.

Where's me consort at?

(STUTTERING) Consort?

That's right, love.
For centuries,

the Farnsworth gentlemen has
provided service to the Queen.

Now, close your eyes
and think of England.

I say.
What's that in your crown?

You mean the Andamooka Opal?
That's the most precious gem in all the...

Yes. Three rubbers on the hobb.

Stop him! He crowned me in
the knickers and nicked me crown.

Freeze. Or we'll be forced
to continue chasing you,

since we don't carry guns.

Indubitably.

We've got to go back in time
and set things straight!

Hurry up and lick
Washington's head again!

We can't. There's no George
Washington nor any other presidents.

What about this bloke?
He's from Revolutionary times.

Farnsworth.

Hey, you're the plonkers
what candlesticked me.

Well, I showed you.

I killed George Washington,

and now I'm married
to one of the Spice Girls.

Don't rightly know which one.

Bender, fetch me
that powdered opal.

It's time to restore dignity
to the Farnsworth name.

Ew!

There. That time I left
both lanterns in place.

And I hit Farnsworth
much, much harder.

Perhaps too hard.

Look, all the presidents
are back. Even John Tyler.

That's the first time anyone's
spoken to me in 1,200 years.

Yes, from Chester A. Arthur to
Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here.

Our republic and the Farnsworth
family name are saved.

And no one
will ever know.

(CHUCKLES)

BENDER: Yeah.