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1
00:00:20,394 --> 00:00:24,357
FRY: After centuries as a
delivery boy, nothing surprises me.
2
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,613
You stink, loser.
3
00:00:30,696 --> 00:00:31,948
LEELA: Hey, Fry!
4
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,367
Pizza going out!
Come on!
5
00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:37,662
All right.
I'll take the Red Rocket.
6
00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:43,417
(FRUSTRATED CRY)
7
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:53,302
Hello! Pizza delivery
for D. Frosted Wang.
8
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:54,804
(FRUSTRATED CRY)
9
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:56,264
Not another crank delivery!
10
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:58,766
Why don't I read these things
ahead of time?
11
00:00:58,849 --> 00:01:00,476
(LAUGHING)
12
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,978
One time was funny.
13
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,438
But every week for 10 years?
Not as funny.
14
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,817
True, not as funny.
But, still, somewhat funny.
15
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,485
(LAUGHING)
16
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:13,990
And then they burst out
laughing a second time.
17
00:01:14,156 --> 00:01:16,075
(LAUGHING)
18
00:01:17,618 --> 00:01:20,830
(SIGHING) I've been a
delivery boy for a thousand years.
19
00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:23,291
Isn't there any room
for promotion around here?
20
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:25,751
There'll be no promotions
unless somebody dies.
21
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:26,919
And even then,
22
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,839
only if we can't bring them
back as a zombie, like Scruffy.
23
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,009
Life and death are
a seamless continuum.
24
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:35,720
Well, could I at least
get some encouragement?
25
00:01:35,803 --> 00:01:37,471
I could use
a shot in the arm.
26
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:38,556
(GUNFIRE)
27
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,016
I got shot in the leg!
28
00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:44,145
Roberto! What
are you doing here?
29
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,606
What? A fella can't
drop in on old friends
30
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,482
and hold them hostage?
31
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,359
I'm good. And you?
32
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,362
SMITTY: Attention,
criminal robot in the building!
33
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,905
Come out with your hands up!
34
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,282
Never!
35
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:57,617
SMITTY:
Other guy.
36
00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,494
Listen up, piggies,
I want a hover-copter,
37
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,246
and an unmarked sandwich,
38
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:05,499
and a new face with,
like, a Hugh Grant look.
39
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,793
And every five minutes
I don't get it,
40
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:10,630
someone's going to
get stabbed in the ass!
41
00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,048
DR. ZOIDBERG:
He's bluffing.
42
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:13,758
(STABBING SOUND)
Ouch! He's not bluffing!
43
00:02:15,384 --> 00:02:16,927
You call
for a chopper?
44
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:20,056
No, I specifically
said hover-copter!
45
00:02:20,222 --> 00:02:21,807
One chopper coming up.
46
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:23,517
Hiya!
(GROANS IN PAIN)
47
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:24,810
(CROWD CHEERING)
48
00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,897
ALL: All right! Way to go.
49
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:29,440
(SMOOCHING)
50
00:02:30,107 --> 00:02:31,108
(SMOOCHING)
51
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:32,777
You know, URL,
52
00:02:32,860 --> 00:02:34,904
sometimes it's almost
too much for me.
53
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:36,656
You mean,
the respect we get?
54
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:39,575
And the high level
of job satisfaction?
55
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,327
There's that,
but I'm also talking about
56
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,579
the non-stop promotions
and the free hot rod.
57
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:50,252
I do love
a man in uniform.
58
00:02:50,544 --> 00:02:51,587
(CLEARS THROAT)
59
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,007
I mean, a uniform that
doesn't involve short pants.
60
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:56,425
(SIGHS)
61
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,511
I can see I have
no future here.
62
00:02:58,594 --> 00:03:01,305
My only option is to
resign with dignity.
63
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:03,099
Here are my shorts.
64
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:13,526
Hello. I'd like to enroll
in Police Academy.
65
00:03:13,609 --> 00:03:15,319
You think you can
just waltz in here
66
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,862
with no pants
and become a cop?
67
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:17,905
That's the plan.
68
00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:18,989
I like you, kid.
69
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,282
I got no pants on, either.
70
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,535
I can see that. You're
quite a bit taller than me.
71
00:03:22,618 --> 00:03:24,870
Welcome to
Police Academy.
72
00:03:24,995 --> 00:03:26,372
Hi, I'm Fry.
73
00:03:26,455 --> 00:03:28,416
I'm the Sound Effects 5000.
74
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:34,004
(IMITATES POLICE SIRENS, GUNFIRE,
EXPLOSIONS, COMPUTING SOUNDS)
75
00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:37,550
Wow. That would be impressive
if you were a human.
76
00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:38,884
Yeah.
77
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,886
On your feet
for Chief O'Manahan.
78
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,221
At ease, cadets.
79
00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:43,431
I'll make this
short and sweet,
80
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,433
"cause I'm PMSing
like a lumberjack.
81
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:47,518
Police Academy
is not for everybody.
82
00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:49,645
You're gonna get
your boob scuffed.
83
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,856
But if you've got
the vulva to stick it out,
84
00:03:51,939 --> 00:03:54,650
I'll be proud to call
you ladies "policemen."
85
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:55,985
Sir! Yes, ma'am!
86
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:57,069
(CAR STARTING)
87
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,488
(TIRES SQUEALING)
88
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:01,323
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
89
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,159
(POLICE SIRENS)
90
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,202
Yeah. That's great.
91
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,413
Now, can you actually
turn on the ignition?
92
00:04:07,496 --> 00:04:09,457
I don't have any hands.
93
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,047
(CLICKING)
94
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,436
O'MANAHAN: Well,
it's that time of the month.
95
00:04:30,519 --> 00:04:32,438
Graduation day.
96
00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:35,858
So grow a pair and put them
together for our new officers!
97
00:04:35,983 --> 00:04:37,401
(CROWD CHEERING)
98
00:04:39,361 --> 00:04:41,071
Hooray for the pigs!
99
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,949
Graduates, you are
hereby officially cops.
100
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:46,076
Now move it along,
nothing to see here.
101
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:47,411
(ALL CHEERING)
102
00:04:49,371 --> 00:04:50,706
(ALL GROANING IN PAIN)
103
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,292
Hooray!
Free sky sticks!
104
00:04:53,375 --> 00:04:54,376
(EXCLAIMING)
105
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,420
Police brutality!
106
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,053
(HOCKING)
107
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,389
Nice. All right.
108
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,017
Before we head out, I'll be
teaming up our new officers
109
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,852
with their
ironically matched partners.
110
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,395
Sound Effects 5000,
111
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,356
you'll be with Cranski.
112
00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:16,607
(IMITATING SOUND
OF CROWD CHEERING)
113
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:17,900
My tinnitus!
114
00:05:17,983 --> 00:05:21,320
Fry, due to the unfortunate
loss of Officer Smith,
115
00:05:21,403 --> 00:05:22,905
you'll be riding with URL.
116
00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:26,367
And Smitty was just a
few days from retirement.
117
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:27,660
What happened?
118
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:30,496
He took a early retirement.
Damn.
119
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,501
Let's get down
to business.
120
00:05:35,584 --> 00:05:38,587
Aren't you going to say,
"Good news, everyone"?
121
00:05:38,712 --> 00:05:41,382
I just said that
for Fry's benefit.
122
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:44,885
Made the poor fellow feel
better about his pointless job.
123
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,554
As much as I miss him,
124
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,556
he didn't really serve
much purpose around here.
125
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,724
Though he did walk
ZOIDBERG.
126
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:52,017
(WHIMPERING)
127
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,770
In any case,
I've improved on Fry
128
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,981
by sticking some
wheels on a board,
129
00:05:57,064 --> 00:06:01,068
so Leela and Bender can easily
make the next delivery without him.
130
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:02,903
Neat. So, where we going?
131
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,864
Pandora.
132
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,699
That dangerous
3D planet?
133
00:06:06,782 --> 00:06:08,492
Can't we just
send our avatars?
134
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,370
No, it's cheaper
just to have you die.
135
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:16,542
(ENGINE REVVING)
136
00:06:18,335 --> 00:06:19,336
Whoa!
137
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:21,463
Fifteen miles over
the speed of light.
138
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:25,050
That's a violation of the law
of Lorentz in variance, baby.
139
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,468
Light 'em up.
140
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:27,803
(POLICE SIRENS)
141
00:06:32,349 --> 00:06:33,559
(CAR HORNS HONKING)
142
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,200
Look out for that
particular individual!
143
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,913
An electric wall, eh?
144
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:57,041
I can't see
the harm in peeing on that.
145
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:59,084
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(SCREAMING)
146
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:11,722
Whoa !!
Where'd my man learn that?
147
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,891
Sunny D commercial.
148
00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,812
Let's refract
this sucker.
149
00:07:20,147 --> 00:07:21,148
(SCREAMING)
150
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,361
(SURPRISED CRY)
151
00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:34,870
(ALL SCREAMING)
152
00:07:39,416 --> 00:07:41,043
DNA and
career chip, please.
153
00:07:42,711 --> 00:07:44,630
Erwin Schrédinger, huh?
154
00:07:44,713 --> 00:07:46,799
What's in the box,
Schrédinger?
155
00:07:46,882 --> 00:07:50,636
A cat, some poison
and a cesium atom.
156
00:07:50,719 --> 00:07:52,429
The cat,
is it alive or dead?
157
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:53,722
Alive or dead?
158
00:07:53,889 --> 00:07:55,140
Answer him, fool.
159
00:07:55,307 --> 00:07:57,810
It's a superposition
of both states
160
00:07:57,893 --> 00:08:00,062
until you open it and
collapse the wave function.
161
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:01,563
Says you.
162
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:03,899
(CAT HISSING)
(FRY SCREAMING)
163
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:07,695
There's also a lot
of drugs in there.
164
00:08:17,746 --> 00:08:20,165
So, you're a robot?
165
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:23,335
(SIGHS)
166
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,259
You boys did good.
167
00:08:30,342 --> 00:08:32,678
Nailed a major violator
of the laws of physics.
168
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,973
He's going down.
Cat's gonna testify.
169
00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:38,684
Guys like this
really bust my uterus.
170
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,352
You're both
getting a promotion.
171
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,312
Ever heard of
the Future Crimes Division?
172
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,814
Tomorrow, I have.
173
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,411
LEELA: Oops.
174
00:08:58,495 --> 00:08:59,997
I can't make out a thing.
175
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,833
Well, I guess you should
have had two eyes.
176
00:09:02,958 --> 00:09:05,586
Just deliver the package,
and let's get out of here.
177
00:09:05,669 --> 00:09:08,005
Screw that! I ain't
no delivery boy.
178
00:09:08,088 --> 00:09:09,798
I'm the company chef.
179
00:09:09,965 --> 00:09:12,342
You're the chef, are you?
180
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,887
Then why don't you make us
something nice to eat?
181
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,264
(GRUMBLING)
182
00:09:19,099 --> 00:09:22,686
Here's your damn peanut
butter and jelly sandwich!
183
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:23,771
(SPLATTERING)
184
00:09:28,525 --> 00:09:31,570
Now that we can predict crimes
with 99% accuracy,
185
00:09:31,653 --> 00:09:33,155
we can arrest
most perpetrators
186
00:09:33,238 --> 00:09:34,907
before they even
perpetrate anything.
187
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:38,410
That's ridiculous. Only
horoscopes can predict the future.
188
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,953
That's what we used to think.
189
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,289
Until we invented this.
190
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,672
Slow down, baby.
191
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:54,384
The Cybernetic Oracle. The
ultimate man-machine hybrid.
192
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,595
Programmed with
every crime ever recorded,
193
00:09:56,678 --> 00:09:58,263
and implanted
with the brain cells
194
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,015
of history's
greatest detectives.
195
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,892
We call him Pickles.
196
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:04,478
On account of it's like
he's floating in a jar?
197
00:10:04,561 --> 00:10:05,979
Exactly.
198
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:09,108
The Oracle's visions are
recorded on these colored balls.
199
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,610
Green is larceny.
Black is fraud.
200
00:10:11,693 --> 00:10:13,695
Red, homicide.
201
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,072
What's pink polka-dots?
202
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,365
Clown slaughter.
203
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,492
It happens more often
than you'd think.
204
00:10:18,575 --> 00:10:19,743
(ALARMS)
205
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,246
Floater in the bowl!
206
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,540
Red ball. Homicide!
207
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:25,624
Woo!
208
00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:29,002
Suspect, male, 6'1".
209
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,255
Distinctive mustard stain
on his forehead.
210
00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:34,591
My ka jigger!
211
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,385
Victim, Hattie McDoogal.
212
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:43,559
Look, the clock says 5:08.
213
00:10:43,725 --> 00:10:45,227
It's 4:30 right now.
214
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:49,231
Uh-oh. We only have a half hour
to chill out before we head over.
215
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:50,399
(CHIRPING)
216
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,861
Oh, Hattie.
217
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:58,866
When I look into your one good
eye, I see a reflection of beauty.
218
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:00,075
Fresh.
219
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,326
(DOOR BREAKING)
220
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,786
Freeze, fool.
221
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,621
You're under arrest
for future murder!
222
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:05,664
Yeah?
223
00:11:05,747 --> 00:11:09,751
You can't arrest me for future
murder after it's right now murder!
224
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,086
My ka jigger!
225
00:11:11,628 --> 00:11:13,297
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
226
00:11:13,755 --> 00:11:15,132
(SCREAMING)
227
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,387
So, he didn't
really want to marry me?
228
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:23,932
No. See, he knew you left
everything to your parakeets
229
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,058
in your will.
230
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,603
He was going to murder you,
marry your parakeets,
231
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:30,522
and then poison them with
an arsenic-laced cut tie bone.
232
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:33,775
Classic move.
Aw, yeah.
233
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:38,030
Congratulations
on your big bust.
234
00:11:38,113 --> 00:11:39,198
You, too.
235
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,491
Keep it up, and you boys
might just make detective.
236
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,659
Now, if you'll excuse me,
237
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:44,244
I got to go
drop a big one.
238
00:11:44,828 --> 00:11:46,955
Wow.
I can't believe it.
239
00:11:47,122 --> 00:11:49,875
One more promotion,
and I'll be a real detective,
240
00:11:49,958 --> 00:11:52,669
like Sherlock Holmes
or Speed Buggy.
241
00:11:53,545 --> 00:11:54,546
(BABY CRYING)
242
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,965
Eight pounds.
I'm naming her Burt.
243
00:11:57,090 --> 00:12:00,719
Mazel tov, Chief. That's
a beautiful bathroom baby.
244
00:12:03,805 --> 00:12:05,390
Ain't you
heading home, Phil?
245
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:08,227
In a minute. I just want to
finish this paperless work.
246
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,895
Don't stay up too late.
247
00:12:09,978 --> 00:12:12,773
We got a lot of people
to shoot tomorrow.
248
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,401
(ALARM SOUNDING)
249
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,988
Hello! Anyone?
(FRUSTRATED GRUNT)
250
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,658
There's never a cop around
when you need one.
251
00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:26,286
COMPUTER:
Green ball. Larceny.
252
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,800
The thief seems to be
some sort of ghost.
253
00:12:39,883 --> 00:12:41,510
Or is he?
254
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:44,846
(GASPING)
255
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,348
Bender?
256
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:49,059
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
257
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,943
Item seven,
our corporate tax rate
258
00:12:58,026 --> 00:13:00,112
remained unchanged
this fiscal year.
259
00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:01,363
That's not funny.
260
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,949
It's not supposed to be funny.
It's a business meeting.
261
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:06,034
Things used to be funny
around here.
262
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:08,912
Noses were picked,
pants fell down.
263
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,289
So, what changed?
264
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:13,250
Only Fry could say,
and he's gone.
265
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,962
Hey. Bender and Leela
are back from Pandora.
266
00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:18,297
How was it?
Awful.
267
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,215
We had nothing to say
to each other,
268
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:23,385
so we had to listen to Bender's
Eagles album for 27 hours.
269
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,846
Beats talking to you,
witchy woman.
270
00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:27,889
ALL: Hey, he's back!
271
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,516
FARNSWORTH: Look at you.
LEELA: Hubba Hubba.
272
00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:32,144
Your pants go almost
all the way to your ankles.
273
00:13:32,227 --> 00:13:33,854
Good afternoon,
individuals.
274
00:13:33,937 --> 00:13:35,814
Sir, would you mind
stepping out of the building?
275
00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:37,941
Normally, when a cop
asks me that,
276
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,319
I spray whip cream
in his eyes and run away,
277
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,612
but to ditch
these losers, gladly.
278
00:13:44,531 --> 00:13:45,991
Bender,
be honest with me.
279
00:13:46,074 --> 00:13:47,534
Are you planning
a big heist?
280
00:13:47,617 --> 00:13:49,411
Usually, but not
at the moment.
281
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:51,997
I only ask 'cause the Oracle
thinks you're going to pull off
282
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,790
a major theft
next Thursday.
283
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,084
Next Thursday,
you say?
284
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:57,753
Pray, continue.
285
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:01,131
Are you familiar with
this particular location?
286
00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:03,842
I may have a burgling
familiarity with it.
287
00:14:03,925 --> 00:14:06,762
Does the word "Maltese"
mean anything to you?
288
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:08,347
The Maltese Liquor,
289
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,433
the strongest and most
valuable malt liquor ever brewed!
290
00:14:11,516 --> 00:14:14,394
And soon it will be mine.
291
00:14:14,519 --> 00:14:15,645
(QUIETLY LAUGHING)
292
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,189
I'm sorry.
You were saying?
293
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:18,815
Bender, I'm only
telling you this
294
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,609
SO you can avoid
committing the crime.
295
00:14:20,942 --> 00:14:24,196
"Avoid committing the crime."
Got it.
296
00:14:24,279 --> 00:14:26,698
You wrote
"Commit the crime!"
297
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:28,492
(LAUGHING)
298
00:14:32,579 --> 00:14:35,123
There's got to be
some way to stop Bender.
299
00:14:35,248 --> 00:14:36,833
Maybe something
in the Oracle's prediction
300
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,127
that I missed before,
due to incompetence.
301
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,799
Wait. Who's
the trigger-happy jerk?
302
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:48,970
(GASPS)
303
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,431
That's me!
I recognize the face.
304
00:14:51,973 --> 00:14:52,974
(CRY OF PAIN)
305
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:56,603
You shot me!
You miserable dingus!
306
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:00,148
No! No!
What have I will have done?
307
00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,984
Man, that's heavy.
Osmium heavy.
308
00:15:03,151 --> 00:15:05,987
(SURPRISED CRY) Are you going
to turn me in for concealing evidence?
309
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,740
Say what? You're
my partner, home Fry.
310
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,243
Besides, I got
my own secrets.
311
00:15:12,285 --> 00:15:13,995
Anything big
worth checking out?
312
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:17,290
Just your big
jangly booty, baby.
313
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,292
See you tonight, toots.
314
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:21,628
(DOOR CLOSES)
315
00:15:21,711 --> 00:15:23,922
You and the chief?
316
00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:26,258
Mmm-hmm.
We been getting it on.
317
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,218
Right there
in your chair,
318
00:15:28,301 --> 00:15:30,971
I'm like, "Oh, baby!
Oh, baby!"
319
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:35,350
And she's like, "Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah."
320
00:15:39,604 --> 00:15:40,605
(CRY OF PAIN)
321
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:42,941
I would never shoot Bender.
Never!
322
00:15:43,024 --> 00:15:44,609
He taught me
how to shave.
323
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:45,902
(ALARMS)
324
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:48,363
Revision ball.
325
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,115
By deciding not
to shoot Bender,
326
00:15:50,198 --> 00:15:52,075
you created
an alternate future.
327
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:57,289
I could never shoot you. Never!
You taught me how to shave.
328
00:15:57,372 --> 00:15:58,457
See?
329
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,709
Just get out of here. Go!
330
00:16:01,334 --> 00:16:02,294
(LAUGHING)
331
00:16:02,377 --> 00:16:05,046
Now, dig
the unintended consequences.
332
00:16:05,213 --> 00:16:07,799
My friends,
let us share this booze
333
00:16:07,924 --> 00:16:10,552
in a toast to
our dear friend, Bender.
334
00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:14,014
(ALL CHOKING)
335
00:16:20,061 --> 00:16:21,021
Oops.
336
00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:24,399
The Maltese Liquor
done destroyed their brains.
337
00:16:24,524 --> 00:16:26,276
Fools should have known
it's fatal
338
00:16:26,359 --> 00:16:28,945
for anyone but robots
and Billy Dee Williams.
339
00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:33,241
So, if I don't shoot Bender
all my other friends will die?
340
00:16:33,408 --> 00:16:36,786
Fate is a freaky mistress.
Much like the chief.
341
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:37,913
Look out!
342
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:40,457
Something's not right.
I refuse to believe it.
343
00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:41,917
Rewind.
344
00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,508
(DOORBELL RINGS)
345
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:51,927
Ooh!
346
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,679
Are you the calloused
working man I ordered?
347
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,264
Uh... Sure.
348
00:16:57,265 --> 00:16:59,267
In order to fix
your leaky roof,
349
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:02,604
I'll need to spend two or three
hours down here in the wine cellar.
350
00:17:02,687 --> 00:17:05,690
I'll be upstairs
putting batteries in things.
351
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:09,945
Whoa!
352
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,405
The Maltese Liquor.
353
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:14,449
Forty ounces of heaven!
354
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,535
(BARKING)
355
00:17:17,118 --> 00:17:19,412
Here, boy.
This is for you.
356
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:22,958
(CHEWING) Ahh!
357
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:24,751
Hmm...
358
00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:33,385
Invisible safe, eh?
359
00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:35,262
(CHUCKLING)
360
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:36,763
(CRY OF SURPRISE)
361
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,102
Yeah, baby!
362
00:17:42,185 --> 00:17:44,104
210 proof.
363
00:17:44,187 --> 00:17:46,815
FRY: That's all the proof
I need.
364
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,358
Put the bottle back.
365
00:17:48,483 --> 00:17:50,402
We both know
I won't do that.
366
00:17:50,485 --> 00:17:51,903
Either you're
going to shoot me,
367
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,822
or I'm going to spray
whip cream in your eyes
368
00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:55,532
and walk out of here
like a big shot.
369
00:17:55,615 --> 00:17:56,866
Bender, no!
370
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,244
You don't have to do something
just 'cause it's going to happen.
371
00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:01,454
The future's making
a chump out of you.
372
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:04,749
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to
make a chump out of the future.
373
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,334
I'm not stealing anything!
374
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:09,504
Yes! I stopped the crime
without shooting you.
375
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,423
The Oracle was wrong.
376
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:12,716
PICKLES: Was I?
377
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:15,885
Pickles?
Yes.
378
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,596
It is I, Pickles.
379
00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,139
I set
the whole thing up.
380
00:18:19,222 --> 00:18:20,974
Everyone will think
Bender's the thief
381
00:18:21,057 --> 00:18:23,852
while I make off
with that glorious brew.
382
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,729
Seriously? Why?
383
00:18:25,812 --> 00:18:28,315
So I can kill
my human brain cells.
384
00:18:28,523 --> 00:18:30,775
Do you have any idea
what a burden it is
385
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,111
to know everything
that will ever happen?
386
00:18:33,194 --> 00:18:34,863
To never be surprised.
387
00:18:34,946 --> 00:18:38,450
To know the punch line of
every joke hours in advance.
388
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:39,701
Like watching Leno.
389
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:43,288
And that is why I faked
the prediction of this crime.
390
00:18:43,538 --> 00:18:45,832
Nevertheless,
stay with me here,
391
00:18:45,915 --> 00:18:49,419
things will now happen
just as I fake predicted.
392
00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:52,589
Bender, you're going
to hand me that bottle.
393
00:18:53,214 --> 00:18:54,424
Not that one!
394
00:18:54,507 --> 00:18:58,094
The real one, which you switched
when Fry stupidly looked away.
395
00:18:58,219 --> 00:18:59,262
Hey.
396
00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:02,098
Man. Why you got
to be so Oracle-y?
397
00:19:03,224 --> 00:19:05,977
Fry, you are going
to shoot Bender,
398
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:08,355
Killing him and
shattering the fake bottle,
399
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,565
just as
I predicted.
400
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,442
Do it!
It is your destiny!
401
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,736
Funny thing about destiny.
402
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,447
Sometimes fate
has other plans.
403
00:19:18,114 --> 00:19:19,407
(BULLET RICOCHETING)
Oh!
404
00:19:20,283 --> 00:19:21,368
Nuts.
405
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,619
You shot me!
406
00:19:22,702 --> 00:19:24,663
You miserable dingus!
407
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,749
And now the part
I didn't show you.
408
00:19:28,416 --> 00:19:29,459
Oh!
409
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:32,087
Everyone will think
Bender killed you,
410
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,923
and I walk away
with the goofy juice!
411
00:19:35,256 --> 00:19:36,424
(LAUGHING)
412
00:19:38,426 --> 00:19:39,469
Ah!
413
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:42,514
Finally, blissful ignorance.
414
00:19:42,597 --> 00:19:45,183
I have no idea
what's going to happen next.
415
00:19:45,266 --> 00:19:46,351
FRY: Did you
get that, Chief?
416
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:47,477
(SURPRISED CRY)
417
00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:54,067
We got it all from behind
this prediction-proof glass.
418
00:19:54,317 --> 00:19:57,779
But how could you know
my prediction was fake?
419
00:19:57,862 --> 00:20:00,865
I knew something was wrong,
but I couldn't put my finger on it.
420
00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,492
Then, it hit me.
421
00:20:03,201 --> 00:20:04,536
You showed Bender
422
00:20:04,619 --> 00:20:07,205
sharing the deadly booze
with our friends.
423
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:08,748
Bender would never share.
424
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,041
The very idea!
425
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,419
So we set up
this little charade
426
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,505
based on an episode
of Speed Buggy.
427
00:20:15,588 --> 00:20:17,966
With the added benefit
of me and the chief
428
00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:20,468
being locked
in a small room.
429
00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:25,974
Shall we adjourn
to the dungeon?
430
00:20:29,477 --> 00:20:32,313
Well, I got my shield
for stopping Bender.
431
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,482
(ALL CHEERING)
432
00:20:34,649 --> 00:20:36,860
But, then I got fired
for tipping off Bender.
433
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:38,319
(ALL CHEERING)
434
00:20:38,778 --> 00:20:42,240
Fry, we have no idea
what you do around here,
435
00:20:42,323 --> 00:20:44,159
but we desperately
need you back.
436
00:20:44,659 --> 00:20:46,035
Really?
437
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,038
I don't suppose there's any
chance I could get a promotion.
438
00:20:49,205 --> 00:20:50,915
Sure. What the heck?
439
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,334
I hereby
promote you to
440
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:56,004
executive
delivery boy.
441
00:20:56,337 --> 00:20:57,547
Executive?
442
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:59,090
It's a meaningless title.
443
00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:02,552
But it helps insecure people
feel better about themselves.
444
00:21:03,511 --> 00:21:05,597
I feel better about myself!
31045
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