All language subtitles for Futurama S06E13 - The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

MAN: It's The Futurama
Holiday Spectacular
brought to you by...

(READING)

Ah, the Xmas season.

Who wants a delicious
unshelled nut?

Ooh, I'll have one.

It's "nut" so good.

(GROANS)

What's wrong, Fry?
Are you regretting
another wasted year?

I don't know.
Something about Xmas

just doesn't feel
like Christmas.

(ALARM BLARING)

Santa's coming!
Initiate defenses!

God rest
ye merry gentlemen

in peace.

Can someone please explain
how you celebrate
this crazy holiday?

Preferably in song.

It's the violentest
season of the year

When Kringle-bot
come dispensing
mugs of Xmas fear

Sugar plummy
visions will be dancing
in your head

When I cane you
from the comfort of my sled

On Xmas Eve,
we don our gay apparel

Kevlar vests,
asbestos stockings
and a barrel

And if
Grandma's Xmas fruitcake
finally reaches critical mass

It can be re-gifted
straight to Santa's ass

But the ornamental armaments
are merely superficial

The tinsel and the trappings
are just icing on the missile

The one thing that you need
to make your Xmas
Day splendiferous

Is a pine tree
A pine tree that's coniferous

We have to have a pine tree
that's coniferous

You're welcome.

You know, Santa may
have killed Scruffy,
but he makes a good point.

What we need is an
old-fashioned pine tree.

Cram it, Virginia.

Pine trees have been
extinct for over 800 years.

Professor,
maybe there's some way

to bring the pine
trees back to life.

Like we did with
the barking snakes.

(BARKING)

Pine trees aren't
barking snakes.

They won't just
turn up in a salad
at Olive Garden.

But there is one
hope and, as usual,
it's Norwegian.

(CREW SCREAMING)

Behold!

The Svalbard
Global Seed Vault.

Since 2008,
the vault has preserved seeds
of every known plant species,

in case of extinction.

And I brought
a few seeds of my own.

(BARKING)

Halt! What's your
business pokey-poking
about the seed vault?

Guardian of mankind's
precious botanical
heritage there?

We just want to come in
and rummage about a bit.

Oh, so... Okay.

Yo, ABBA,
what's that next door?

That's the Germ
Warfare Repository.

It's so close.

Is there any chance
of cross-contamination?

No.

Now, your pine trees
were all chopped down

to make emergency toilet paper
during the Fifty-Year Squirts.

Lucky the seeds have
been preserved here
in the vault there.

What's that splork on them?

It's not germs, is it?

No.

Now that's a tree
worth chopping down.

Indeed,
'tis a lovely tree.

'Twill truly be my
finest Xmas ever.
(SCREAMS)

(EXCLAIMING)

That's what my
poll numbers need.

Happy voters enjoying
some holiday cheer.

As your vice-president,
I order you to
steal that tree.

My fellow Earthicans,

welcome to
the annual White House
Xmas-tree lighting,

brought to you by
Gunderson's Nuts.

WOMAN: Gunderson!

(ALL CHEERING)

Oh, no!
Could the seed
have been contaminated

by a virus from
the germ vault?

Yeah, I suppose.

Wait.
This could be a good thing.
That weaponized virus

made the sickly, little tree
grow big and strong.

(PEOPLE YELLING)

Wait. This could be
a good thing.

Reforestation has begun.

Geez, with these...

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Arguably, this could
be a good thing.

The planet has returned
to its primeval state.

Earth is just the way it was
before the white man came.

(DEVICE POWERING UP)
Good news.

All these pine trees are
fighting global warming

by producing oxygen.

Happy now, Gore?

Yeah.

But I'd be happier if
I had a set of lungs.

Wait a second.
Oxygen levels are
rising too rapidly.

10%, 20%, 60%.

As long as it
doesn't hit 70.

80%.

You know, I don't
recall having done
anything for a while,

but I still feel
I deserve a smoke.

(ALL GASP)

Hey, cool.
The air is on fire.

Ho, ho, ho.

Everyone's dead.

Stay tuned for another tale
of holiday hilarity.

MAN: Now back to
the Gunderson's Nuts

Holiday Spectacular
featuring Futurama.

Okay, crew.
Xmas break is over.

It's time to
destroy these gifts
we forgot to deliver.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

How come we get
off for every dumb
human holiday,

but not for
robot holidays?

Oh, Lord.
Not Robanukah.

I'm talking about Robanukah,

the holiest six
and a half weeks
in the robot calendar.

That's just a fake holiday
you make up every year
to get out of work.

Yeah. If it's real,

how come there's no song
that explains how
to celebrate it?

Because there is.

Hit it.
Hit what?

I placed instruments
under your seats.

Play them
or I'll break them
over your heads.

(SINGING)
Robanukah may sound
as if it's Jewish

But its
ancient-sounding customs
are exceptionally newish

So take a hearty swallow
from your robo-Kiddush cup

Which will give me time
to quickly make them up

(BURPS)

Do you spin
a dreidel made from clay?

Mine is called a droid-el
and it's rigged
to make you pay

Do you eat these yummy,
tin-wrapped
chocolate coins?

Better. We got fem-bots
with illegal five-speed groins

Shalom, Ruth and Esther.

Why with the music
so loud?

Would it kill him
to turn up the heat
a little in here?

By far, the most
important thing is oil

To keep the lamp light burning
or to help the latkes broil

No, we pour the holy lubricant
out from this sacred vessel

into this blessed
pit so they can wrestle

The extra made-up touch
that makes Robanukah so special

is the oil in which the
nasty fem-bots wrestle

We shall now begin the
traditional oil wrestling.

Will the referee bring out
the ceremonial cruse
of petroleum oil?

Thank you, Abraham.

Not in the hair, please.
I just had it did.

Oh, no.

These broads are
supposed to wrestle for
six and a half weeks,

but there's only
enough petroleum oil
for four and a half weeks.

We're still
getting paid, right?

I told you it's an audition!

Bender, four and a half weeks
of oil wrestling
sounds like plenty.

This isn't
a lousy reform Robanukah.

We need more petroleum oil!

I got me some whale oil,
some squirrel oil.

Not kosher!
It has to be petroleum oil!

Do you not give a damn
about the hallowed
traditions of Robanukah?

I reckon I do not.

Anyways, Earth done run out
of petroleum oil.

(ALL GASP)

I tried to warn you.

One unit of free,
limitless solar power, please.

That'll be,
I don't know, 10 bucks.

Can you make change
for a Nobel Prize?

Man, can't we just make
more petroleum oil?

I'm afraid not, son.

Petroleum only forms
when organic matter

is subjected to intense
pressure for hundreds
of millions of years.

I can't wait that long.
I've got ADD.

This is so unfair.

I don't wrestle dry, Bender.
I went to Vassar.

Professor, I want you
to look these poor
floozies in the eye

and tell them their
oil-wrestling days are over.

I suppose there could
be a minute quantity
of petroleum left,

but it would be insanely
deep within the Earth

at pressures so
dangerously high...

(HORN HONKING)

Let's go, already!

Setting Bachman Turners
to Overdrive.

We're getting pretty deep.
Look! Mole coffins.

AMY: Oh, no.
We tunneled into a tunnel.

What's that loud,
boring sound you'll hear
when I stop talking?

FARNSWORTH: (GASPS)
It's an albino humping worm.

Why do they call it that?

Because it doesn't
have any pigment.

What's our depth, Captain?

Forty kilometers, 50.

There must be petroleum oil
down here somewhere.

Go deeper. Deeper!

No, Bender.
The ship can't withstand
this much pressure.

Sometimes it falls
apart just sitting
in the hangar.

Professor,
I've never asked for
anything before,

but seeing those
fem-bots glistening

with oil means more
to me than life itself.

Call me an old fool,
but I believe the Lord is
speaking through you.

Brace yourselves, everyone.

One hundred kilometers.

Two hundred.

I hate to complain
about the heat,

but the air conditioner's
on fire.

My ice cream Manwich!

What the hell
are we doing?

We're all gonna die
so this junkyard golem
can celebrate Robanukah.

You vile racist.

Haven't my people
suffered enough?

Now keep drilling
for that petroleum oil,
you selfish cowards.

Although, then again,
I guess any kind of oil
would be just as...

Not my fault.

(SINGING)
I am so great. Bender is great

Bender, Bender, Bender

Man, where'd the time go?

Hey, you guys wanna...
Oh. Right.

(GASPS)

They turned
into petroleum oil.

I thought they were selfish,
yet in the end,

it turns out it was I
who thought they were selfish.

(HUMMING)

Hey, ladies, I found some.
What the...

(BOTH GRUNTING)

There was only
enough petroleum oil

for four and a half
weeks of oil wrestling,

but it lasted
500 million years.

It's a miracle.

Happy Robanukah, everyone.

Coming up next,
more thoughtful,
interfaith hijinks.

MAN: And now,
the unrelated conclusion.

Hello, Fry.
Hey, Fry!

How you doing?
What's up?

LaBarbara, Hermes,
happy Kwanzaa.

We brought a chocolate cake,

but now I'm worried that
might be offensive
in some way.

Just sit down.

Happy Kwanzaa,
brother men and sister men.

Well, look at the cat
the cat dragged in.

Kwanzaa tradition
encourages educational gifts.

So I brought Dwight
my book on mathketball.

Whoa!
Let me see that.

I'll sign it for you later.

Man,
it's a cold one out there.

Barbados Slim?

Come in, Barbados.

Look at yourself,
all throbbing and shirtless
for the holiday.

I hope you're
ready to celebrate.

All night long, woman.
(CHUCKLES)

I'm glad you all could be
here with my family.

Kwanzaa traditions
are quite ancient,
dating back over 1,000 years.

Whoa!

If only someone
could tell us more
about these traditions.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Kool-Aid's here.

No, child. That's not
a made-up character.

It's Kwanzaa-bot.

And I'm gonna tell you all
how we celebrate Kwanzaa.

Zoidberg, lay down a beat.

How about I just lay down?

(TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING)
There's seven basic principles
that go to make up Kwanzaa

So sit your
asses down and have
some knowledge dropped upon ya

Kujichagulia

And Umoja.
And the rest!

Now we get it

Sit back down
There's gonna be a test

My favorite's Ujamaa

Cooperative economics

Yo, bulldog, I'm talking here
Put away the comics

Ku'umba is another one
It stands for creativity

Like the ever-changing nature
of my sexual proclivities

I think there's one called Nia
but I don't speak Swahili

Something about a pine tree
and an oil-wrestling deal-y?

That's from Xmas and Robanukah
you plagiarizing lout

Yeah, I'm kind of
losing interest here
I best be rolling out

But before I go,
the most important thing

What's that, black Santa?

You need seven Kwanzaa candles
that you light up every night

But they best be
made of beeswax

or you all might
as well be white

They must be made of beeswax
or we might as well be white

Well, we got
no beeswax candles,

but these scented
regular wax candles
will do just fine.

Girl, those stink sticks
are for single women
who take baths.

If your Kwanzaa candles
ain't 100% beeswax,

you bring shame
on your people.

Well, now that won't do.

Husband,
show a little Ku'umba

and fetch some beeswax
before Kwanzaa ends.

Sweet candelabra of
La Habra, LaBarbara.

Isn't this the last night
of Kwanzaa?

Who the hell knows?

Finally, a bee farm that's
open late on Kwanzaa.

Madam, I need beeswax.

You sure you don't need
a little honey, handsome?

Maybe a taste of sweet nectar
straight from the hive?

(ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST)

I just need some beeswax
to make Kwanzaa candles.

Well, that's too darn bad.

There ain't no beeswax
in the whole world.

Oh, no. This could be
the year without a Kwanzaa,

like every year before 1966.

The bees are
acting all crazy

like they been drinking
Tang and cough syrup,

or as I call it,
my Friday night.
(LAUGHS)

(COUGHING)

My God.

It's Colony Collapse Syndrome.
The bees are swarming
with parasites.

They're all dying.

Yeah,
but what a way to go.

"Die young,
leave a pretty corpse,"
that's what I say.

You should say
something else.

Wait. I know where
we can get beeswax.

From those giant space bees
who nearly killed us,

and we swore we'd
never go back there.

Let's go back there.

To communicate
with the bees,

we'll need to use
these trans-bumbleators.

Bender,
say something in bee talk.

(BUZZING)

I'm sorry, Bender.
What do you want me
to put on the glass?

(BUZZING)

Okay, if we survive.

Something's wrong.
It's way too quiet.

Like the deadly Prius.

FARNSWORTH: Ah,
here they come.

They're in attack formation.
They're gonna kill us.

That was weird.

It's like the
Jägermeister air show
all over again.

According to Google Hive,

we are at the exact center
of the honeycomb.

And there's a Jamba
Juice 0.2 miles
that way.

Does that thing tell you
where the queen bee is?

The big, fat, ugly,
compound-eyed,
hairy-thoraxed...

Don't be applying
your Eurocentric

standards of
beauty to me, fool.

What's with the
kamikaz-bees?

Man, my hive's
been going buck-wild

since these blood-ganking
butt crabs moved in.

Been there, done that.

They're all infected,
just like the bees on Earth.

Brother-sucking parasites gone
and disrupted our hive mind.

Now, instead of
working in harmony,

my bees just talk
smack to each other.

Are you all black
with yellow stripes

or are you yellow
with black stripes?

Yellow with
black stripes, man.

Why don't you just move along?

Let me ask you something,
you sting my wife?

What kind of
buzzing question is that?

Where do you get
the wings big enough
to ask me that?

Okay, gang.
We have plenty of beeswax.
Let's get back to the ship.

No, we are not
going anywhere.

I can't abide all
this bee-on-bee conflict.

It's time to
African-Americanize
these honeybees.

Listen up, bees.
It's Kwanzaa, a time of Umoja.

It means "unity".

You have to learn to
work together again.

The crazy
tablecloth man is right.

It's time to set
aside our differences.

Black stripe, yellow stripe.

At the end of the day,
we're just a couple
of darn talking space bees.

Hey, forget about it.

Come here
and give me a sting.

Look. The spirit of Kwanzaa
is killing the parasites.

(ALL CHEERING)

FRY: Yuck!

But, yay!

Thank you, my human brother.

Your message of unity
has touched our souls.

We are once again of
a single hive mind.

(CRASHING)
KWANZAA-BOT: Oh, yeah.

Hurray! Kwanzaa-bot's
here to save...

(SQUELCHING)

They killed him.

Joyous Kwanzaa, everybody.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(CHUCKLING)

Don't worry.
The Futurama crew
will be back next year

with all new
episodes featuring Bender,
Leela and me, Al Gore,

as Captain Lance Starman.

And from all of us here
at Gunderson's Nuts,
happy holidays.

ENGLISH - US - PSDH