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NARRATOR: And now,
The Transcredible Exploits
of Zapp Brannigan,
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00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,770
brought to you by
Bartley's Rocket Wax.
3
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,190
I wax my rocket
every day!
4
00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:36,860
No one can save
you now, Leela.
5
00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:39,030
What about
Zapp Brannigan?
6
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,330
Well, obviously,
Zapp Brannigan
could save you...
7
00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:43,790
Zapp Brannigan!
8
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:46,920
So, Emperor Chop Chop,
once again, we meet at last.
9
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,040
Drop that space gun
or I'll shoot, like so.
10
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:51,300
(GROANS)
11
00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:52,710
(EXCLAIMS)
12
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,260
Oh, Zapp, tie me back up
and ravish me.
13
00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:58,390
I'd like to, Leela.
So, I will.
14
00:00:58,470 --> 00:00:59,510
(BOTH LAUGH)
15
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:00,890
(BOTH MOANING)
16
00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:08,650
Shake it, baby.
Shake it like...
17
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:10,730
I surrender and
volunteer for treason.
18
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,150
Emergency summons from
the president, Captain.
19
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,740
Oh, it's you.
Just let me freshen up.
20
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:18,160
Computer, Captain's musk.
21
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,530
(SIGHS)
22
00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:40,760
The long, dramatic corridor.
That's never a good sign.
23
00:01:42,850 --> 00:01:46,020
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Glove recognized.
Proceed, Mrs. Eisenhower.
24
00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:50,270
Mr. President.
What the hell?
25
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,900
At ease, Brannigan.
26
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,440
(EXHALES)
27
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,490
What you're about to see
is highly classified.
28
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,700
Reptilicus,
hit the thingy.
29
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,990
At 0000 hours,
30
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:06,540
Planet X-3 was attacked
by a mysterious death sphere.
31
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:08,870
Magnify that death sphere.
32
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:12,420
Why is it still blurry?
33
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,460
KIF: That's all the
resolution we have.
34
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:16,800
Making it bigger
doesn't make it clearer.
35
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,670
It does on CSl: Miami.
36
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,800
(SIGHS)
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00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,640
NIXON: They fought back
with advanced
military hardware,
38
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,560
but it was like shooting
BBs at Bebe Rebozo.
39
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,310
That poor, brave hardware.
40
00:02:29,390 --> 00:02:32,690
NIXON: The sphere
then fired some kind of
hellish blackout ray.
41
00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:36,530
It erased that planet
like 18 minutes of
incriminating tape.
42
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:43,160
Oh, I just wish
I understood why.
43
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,660
Why I should care?
44
00:02:44,740 --> 00:02:47,450
Because the death sphere
is now on course for Earth!
45
00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:49,250
(NIXON EXCLAIMS)
46
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,880
My God, we're defenseless,
like fish in a barrel.
47
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,000
Options?
48
00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:56,880
My instinct is to
hide in this barrel,
49
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,380
like the wily fish.
50
00:02:58,630 --> 00:03:00,880
Then we're down
to our last hope,
51
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:04,350
a radical new weapon
built by a visionary
scientist
52
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:06,470
I once dismissed
as crazy!
53
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:09,640
(LAUGHING)
54
00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:12,940
Let's see how crazy
I am now, Nixon.
55
00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:15,360
The correct answer
is "very."
56
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,770
All right, Professor,
57
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:18,150
sock it to me!
58
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,110
Top-secret news,
everyone.
59
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,240
I've developed a tiny,
one-man stealth fighter
that's virtually undetectable.
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00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:26,830
How undetectable?
61
00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:28,240
It's right in front of you.
62
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:30,750
I find that...
(GROANS) to believe.
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00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,460
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
64
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:36,710
But how exactly is
this Happy Meal toy
65
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,630
going to destroy
a giant death sphere?
66
00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:39,880
From within.
67
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,470
This ship should be able
to sneak, undetected,
68
00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:45,050
through the sphere's
one vulnerable opening.
69
00:03:45,140 --> 00:03:46,600
What vulnerable opening?
70
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,390
All death spheres have
one vulnerable opening.
71
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:52,180
Well, sure,
but who's brave enough
to fly into something
72
00:03:52,270 --> 00:03:54,310
we all keep calling
a death sphere?
73
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,310
I say Brannigan.
I say no.
74
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,440
I say me.
I say Leela!
75
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,650
I say yes.
I say no.
76
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:01,990
I say Leela, too.
77
00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:03,280
I say yes again.
78
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:04,860
I say I shall join her.
79
00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:08,240
But it's only
a one-man craft, I say.
80
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:11,000
There'll only be
one man. Me.
81
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:15,250
How would you feel
if I rode rear as your
personal tail gunner?
82
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,460
Creeped out.
83
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,750
Then it's decided!
84
00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:25,640
Are you sure I have to
sit in your lap?
85
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,350
Lt'll help us achieve
maximum thrust.
86
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,970
Ugh!
Ugh!
87
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,350
I made you some
trail mix for the flight.
88
00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:34,730
Also, this picture,
to remember me.
89
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:36,190
You hold on to it.
90
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,400
I'll be back soon.
91
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,480
(SCOFFS)
92
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,320
(BOTH GROAN)
93
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,320
Activating stealth shielding.
94
00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:48,570
Liftoff!
95
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:49,990
I'll roger that.
96
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,790
Does anybody else feel
aroused and jealous
and worried?
97
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,880
I haven't felt
much of anything
since my guinea pig died.
98
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,640
Death sphere in range.
99
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,600
Engaging
holographic targeting.
100
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,810
Activating the force.
101
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,110
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Feel the entrance, Leela.
102
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,900
Destination on your left
in 0.3 miles.
103
00:05:30,660 --> 00:05:33,870
Zapp to Leela.
Look at all that
surveillance equipment.
104
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,250
We better whisper.
105
00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:37,750
Switching to
pillow talk mode.
106
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,580
LEELA: Look!
What are those huge letters?
107
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:43,420
ZAPP: V-GINY?
108
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,130
Doesn't ring a bell.
109
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:50,180
Hmm. I don't like
the looks of this V-GINY.
110
00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:52,470
Does anyone recognize
those call letters?
111
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,180
Nope. It's not in the
Janeway's guide, either.
112
00:05:56,270 --> 00:05:58,850
Deciphering that
ID code is critical.
113
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,690
I'll be in the chamber
of understanding.
114
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,400
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
115
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,990
This is it,
the moment we should
have trained for.
116
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,800
Holy...
(BLEEPING)
117
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,970
Incoming yucky.
118
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:34,260
Firing pocket-rocket!
119
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:41,350
Don't panic, Leela.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
120
00:06:48,610 --> 00:06:50,490
I hope this is
the control stick.
121
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:56,410
(METAL CLANGS)
122
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,580
ZAPP: Captain's log.
We've lost control.
123
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:02,630
Addendum. Whoa!
124
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:10,420
NARRATOR: And now,
back to The Transcredible
Exploits of Zapp Brannigan.
125
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:13,300
Chapter Two.
The heat thickens.
126
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,930
(MOANING)
Leela, wake up.
127
00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:18,270
I can't face this
mysterious planet alone
128
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,020
without you or
someone like you.
129
00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,810
(BLOWING)
130
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:24,520
Zapp? Zapp, wake up.
131
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,780
Leela, where are we?
132
00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,820
We crashed on
an uncharted planet.
133
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,610
When I woke up,
I was pinned under this tree.
134
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:33,740
Can you help me?
135
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,240
If anyone can move it,
I can.
136
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,620
(GRUNTING)
137
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,750
No one can move it.
Are you hurt?
138
00:07:40,830 --> 00:07:43,330
No, but I'm so thirsty.
139
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:45,840
This space suit
is making me sweat
like a sow.
140
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:46,960
Me, too.
141
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,550
We'd better strip them off
and continue surviving
au naturel.
142
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,260
Uh, I suppose so.
143
00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,560
Here, we can cover ourselves
with these sticky,
sap-covered leaves.
144
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,730
I'll try to avert my eyes
from your nudery.
145
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,440
You will?
What's the point?
146
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,110
You'll have to look
sooner or later.
147
00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:09,940
Well, I promise not to
abuse the privilege.
148
00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:13,070
For now,
I'd better scout around
for food and water and help.
149
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,910
What a thoughtful and
considerate thing to say.
150
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:17,320
What the hell's
wrong with you?
151
00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:18,870
I'm not quite sure.
152
00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:22,200
Perhaps it's the fresh air
or severe head injury.
153
00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:24,330
In any case, I'm off.
154
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,670
If you see any steaks,
that'd be good!
155
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,130
(SNIFFS)
156
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:32,760
Why isn't Leela back yet?
Do you think she's okay?
157
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,010
How should I know?
And how come you never
ask if I'm okay?
158
00:08:36,090 --> 00:08:37,890
I'm feeling
a little neglected here.
159
00:08:38,010 --> 00:08:41,180
Oh. Sorry.
Are you okay, Bender?
Shut up.
160
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,680
What difference
does it make?
161
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,230
When that death sphere
gets to Earth,
162
00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:46,350
we'll all be blown
to manwich meat.
163
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,480
Well, I guess
it's time to indulge
164
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,360
in some end-of-the-world
debauchery.
165
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,780
Who's up for an orgy?
166
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,490
Yeah!
Yes!
167
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:55,860
Nah.
Nah.
168
00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:58,160
Maybe a Parcheesi tournament.
169
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,370
Belay that
Parcheesi tournament.
170
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,870
I've identified
the death sphere.
171
00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:05,960
We may yet have
a faint hope of survival!
172
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,790
Still,
a Parcheesi tournament.
173
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:12,710
This is a top-secret
military satellite
174
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,590
launched by the air force
in 1998.
175
00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:21,260
And this is
a top-secret FCC satellite
launched that same year
176
00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,850
to censor
indecent TV programs.
177
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,100
Like The Pimpsons
and Ass-o-rama?
178
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,270
Precisely.
179
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:30,400
However,
the satellites collided
shortly after launch
180
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,400
and were never
heard from again.
181
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,860
I found the board!
182
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:37,660
Now I've
simulated that collision
using shrapnel-vision.
183
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,080
Granted, all that
makes perfect sense.
184
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,540
But why is this death sphere
destroying planets?
185
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,670
That makes
the most sense of all.
186
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,510
Look at the planets
it's destroyed so far.
187
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,840
First came X-3,
the nude beach planet,
188
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,680
then, Poopiter,
189
00:10:01,050 --> 00:10:05,140
and finally that world
that can't be mentioned
in polite company.
190
00:10:05,270 --> 00:10:06,930
You mean...
(WHISPERING)
191
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,560
How dare you?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
192
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:13,360
So, the death-sphere is
"censoring" indecent planets?
193
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:17,900
Indeed, and we're next
if we can't keep it in
our collective pants.
194
00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:20,780
Our sole hope
is to persuade
the people of Earth
195
00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:24,240
to abandon
their smutty ways.
(WHIP CRACKS)
196
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,660
So, the orgy's off?
197
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:29,710
(GROANS) So thirsty.
198
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:32,960
Why couldn't
a water fountain
have fallen on me?
199
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,500
I couldn't find any water,
200
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,550
but the moisture in these
fruit-and-nut berries
should sustain you.
201
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:38,970
Thank you.
202
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,850
I climbed perilously
high into the trees
to pick them,
203
00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:45,560
yet I saw no sign
of intelligent life.
204
00:10:45,850 --> 00:10:46,850
Bummer.
205
00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:50,100
Moreover, the crash
totally destroyed our ship.
206
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:52,400
So, we're stuck here
until someone finds us?
207
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,480
Alas,
that may never happen.
208
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,360
Stealth technology
makes the ship
impossible to locate,
209
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,450
yet easy to stub
your crotch on.
210
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:02,360
Well, there's worse places
to be marooned.
211
00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:04,530
Plenty of food,
mild climate.
212
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:07,120
It's a veritable
Garden of Eden.
213
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,370
It is?
214
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,590
Hello.
215
00:11:15,670 --> 00:11:17,130
Did that snake
say, "Hello"?
216
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,800
No.
We're both delirious
from dehydration.
217
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:22,050
Just like Adam and Eve.
218
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:31,140
FARNSWORTH: We can still
save Earth. People are
sure to clean up their act
219
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:35,310
when presented
with cold, hard facts
by rational folks like us.
220
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:39,990
The end is near!
Repent thy sins!
221
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:44,110
I'll thinks it overs
while I engages
this $5 hooker.
222
00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:46,330
Don't do it!
It's not worth it!
223
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,160
Okay, make it $3.
224
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:51,460
Yuck! I don't wants
no $3 hooker.
225
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:54,210
I'm going backs to
the adults bookstore.
226
00:11:54,290 --> 00:11:57,290
Adult bookstore?
I thought this was
the public library.
227
00:11:57,420 --> 00:12:00,170
No. Pubic Library.
228
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,180
Zapp? Where are you?
229
00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:05,890
Oh, God, I'm actually
starting to miss him.
230
00:12:05,970 --> 00:12:08,180
Maybe you two
belong together.
231
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,560
We do not.
And you can't talk.
232
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,730
Come on.
233
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:14,350
It must be
an awful temptation.
234
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,610
Guess who just
killed a woodchuck
with his bare feet?
235
00:12:19,150 --> 00:12:21,280
I thought I'd whip
us up some shelter,
236
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,150
make this a little more
like home.
237
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,410
I do miss the Earth terribly.
I wonder if it's even
still there.
238
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:28,990
Let's find out together.
239
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,500
I'll brave
the ship's wreckage
to fetch you the telescope.
240
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,580
That's so sweet.
241
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,500
I'm just saying, is all.
242
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:53,430
I know my new plan
is a long shot, but it's
the only hope left.
243
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:55,640
Well, now
I've heard everything.
244
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:56,850
On my iPod.
245
00:12:56,940 --> 00:13:00,190
So, do you have
a new plan, Professor?
And is there any hope left?
246
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,150
Indeed. We're here on
Earth's last unspoiled acre
247
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,910
to show the death sphere
there's still purity
in the world.
248
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,580
Begin transmitting.
249
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,660
Commence purity chant.
250
00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:15,210
(ALL CHANTING)
251
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:21,630
Hey, I'm proud
of you, Bender.
252
00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:24,340
Avoiding sin for
almost a full minute.
253
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:25,470
Bender?
254
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:28,140
BENDER: Yeah, baby.
You're quite a dish.
255
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,720
(GIGGLING)
256
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,600
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
(CHUCKLING)
257
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,560
Oh, no.
Bender, stop! Stop!
258
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:41,270
Quiet your riot.
What's the worst
that could happen?
259
00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:54,950
No! No!
260
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,500
(SOBBING)
261
00:13:56,580 --> 00:13:57,750
Earth is gone!
262
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,210
We're the only two humans
left in the universe!
263
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:04,800
Oh, God.
I'm sorry, Leela.
264
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:09,130
Maybe this was
meant to be.
265
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:12,260
Maybe you and I
were meant to build
a new world here.
266
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,350
We can avoid
humanity's mistakes.
267
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:15,470
Like the tuba.
268
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,230
Yes! We'll be
like Adam and Eve.
269
00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:19,770
Only without the tuba.
270
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,730
And we'll beget
little Zapp junior.
And Leela junior.
271
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,150
And they'll have
kids of their... Yuck!
272
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,530
Is that really what
happened in the Bible?
273
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:30,360
It's a sick and twisted
book of holiness, all right.
274
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:31,990
Then we'll write
our own Bible.
275
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,950
With less Sodom
and more Gomorrah.
276
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,120
Let's do it.
277
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,710
I shall become the mother
of a new world,
278
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,540
trapped here,
under this tree.
279
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,250
The tree of knowledge!
280
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:44,460
Look, it even has apples!
281
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:45,750
Ow!
282
00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:47,260
Wow.
283
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,590
Come here, Adam.
Partake of my
forbidden fruit.
284
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,970
Thee will be done.
285
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,650
Wait. One more bite
before we begin
the begetting.
286
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,950
Mmm. Juicy.
287
00:15:11,030 --> 00:15:15,330
Those nut berries you
found were so salty,
I couldn't think straight.
288
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:19,450
I mean,
not to belabor it,
289
00:15:19,540 --> 00:15:22,870
but they were as salty
as that bag of trail mix
Fry gave me.
290
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:27,460
Exactly as salty.
Hey! Wait a second!
291
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,130
Uh...
292
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:33,180
(GROANING)
293
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,850
I have a terrible
confession to make.
294
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,600
You see, when I first
went foraging,
295
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:43,480
what I actually found
was the smoldering
wreckage of the ship.
296
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:48,030
Ignoring all danger,
I charged inside to
liberate our provisions.
297
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,940
So, this is the
trail mix Fry gave me!
298
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:55,820
Yes. I exaggerated
when I said I picked it
from the treetops.
299
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:59,750
I just wanted you to think
a little better of me.
300
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:02,620
Well, your motives
were good.
301
00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:05,460
And we were both
loopy from dehydration.
302
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:06,540
Hey, wait.
303
00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:08,960
You've been doing
an awful lot of urinating.
304
00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:10,960
(GROANING)
305
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,130
There's plenty of water.
You see,
306
00:16:14,470 --> 00:16:16,800
after I selflessly
rescued the trail mix,
307
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:20,060
I braved the flames once more
in search of fluids.
308
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,070
Then why didn't
you give me any?
309
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,990
I thought it might
help you forget your
intense hatred for me
310
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,360
if you were
a teensy bit delirious.
311
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,490
So, you let me dehydrate
312
00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:40,240
while you washed down
the trail mix with
imported mineral water?
313
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,580
(GROANING)
314
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:43,250
Not exactly.
315
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:45,330
You see,
besides the trail mix,
316
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,830
the minibar also
contained Doritos,
beef jerky
317
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,750
and a generous assortment
of fine chocolates.
318
00:16:52,630 --> 00:16:54,260
I wanted to offer you
the chocolates.
319
00:16:54,340 --> 00:16:57,680
I truly did.
But I was concerned
about your waistline.
320
00:16:57,930 --> 00:16:59,140
Very concerned.
321
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:01,470
It's because
I haven't been exercising.
322
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,560
If only this tree
hadn't fallen on me
by chance.
323
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:06,770
Oh, dear God!
324
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,560
(GROANING LOUDLY)
325
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,690
It was just after
we crashed.
326
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:15,490
I awoke first,
to find you trapped.
327
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:18,280
Leela! Leela, wake up.
328
00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:35,220
You could've moved
this grub-infested log
any time you wanted?
329
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:36,630
Well, sure.
330
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,220
But then I wouldn't have
been able to provide
the loving care
331
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:40,550
you wouldn't have needed.
332
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:46,060
I'd leave you to rot
in this paradise,
333
00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:48,310
if only the ship
weren't destroyed.
334
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:51,440
The ship's fully functional,
isn't it?
335
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,530
(GROANING)
336
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,240
You see,
after re-trapping you
337
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,900
and before
feigning unconsciousness,
338
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,030
I paused to enjoy a cigar.
339
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,990
Though mellow and satisfying,
it did parch me a bit,
340
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,950
so I went in
search of brandy.
341
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:08,920
That's when
my keen senses detected
the still-invisible ship.
342
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,170
(EXCLAIMS)
343
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,500
So, we can
go back to Earth?
344
00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:18,590
But there is
no Earth anymore.
Everyone I know is dead!
345
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,840
(SOBBING)
346
00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:23,140
This seems like a good place
to take a dump.
347
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:26,140
Leela? You're alive!
348
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:27,390
Fry!
349
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:30,850
But how did you
find this planet?
350
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,650
Well?
351
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,360
(GROANING)
352
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,530
We're actually on Earth.
353
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,700
The ship's homing device
brought us back.
354
00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:40,610
But I saw Earth explode!
355
00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:43,740
I'm actually kind of
proud of this one.
356
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:45,540
You see, what you saw
357
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:47,620
was merely a simulation
I rigged up
358
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,460
using the ship's holographic
targeting projector.
359
00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:53,710
The alleged telescope
was a toilet paper tube.
360
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,170
You said there wasn't
any toilet paper!
361
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,630
And that humanity
was annihilated!
362
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,180
My motives were pure.
363
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:02,510
I just wanted you to think
we had to save humanity,
364
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,430
so you'd be willing
to have sex.
365
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,220
Please say you believe me.
366
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,480
Yes, I believe you.
367
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,100
(ZAPP GRUNTING)
368
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:13,060
(CHEERING)
369
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:15,980
There must be
something to steal
on this island.
370
00:19:16,070 --> 00:19:17,400
Hey, it's Leela.
371
00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:18,780
(ALL CHEERING)
372
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,910
Let's go home, everybody.
At least the world
wasn't destroyed.
373
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:25,740
Yet.
374
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,080
AUTOMATED VOICE:
People of Earth!
375
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,630
Hear the righteous word
of the mighty V-GINY!
376
00:19:34,710 --> 00:19:36,130
The mighty V-GINY!
377
00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:37,210
(GIGGLES)
378
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:40,670
Seeing you frolic in
this unspoiled garden
379
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,680
gives hope that this world
may yet be redeemed.
380
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,430
Huzzah! The purity
chant worked!
381
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,520
Unacceptable
wardrobe malfunction!
382
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,980
I was referring
to Adam and Eve.
383
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:56,440
We're not Adam and Eve.
You see, due to
a series of...
384
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:00,110
Consummate your union
or I shall destroy Earth.
385
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:01,740
(ALL GASP)
386
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:07,280
Well, if it's to save Earth,
I guess I could
take one for the team.
387
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:11,290
You what? Right now?
But I need a little
romance first.
388
00:20:11,370 --> 00:20:13,460
Maybe a vanilla candle
or something?
389
00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,420
Commence intercourse!
390
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,500
Those giant guns are
making me feel
sort of inadequate.
391
00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:21,550
I'm not sure if I can...
Move it.
392
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:23,300
I've got to get home
and do laundry.
393
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,930
(ALL EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)
394
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,060
For God's sake,
censor it! Censor it!
395
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:32,390
Approved for all audiences!
396
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,520
No!
397
00:20:40,690 --> 00:20:43,320
NARRATOR: And now,
the spicy finale
398
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,030
of The Transcredible Exploits
of Zapp Brannigan.
399
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,830
That was a close call,
but we saved Earth.
400
00:20:49,910 --> 00:20:53,000
Was it as good for you
as it was for the human race?
401
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:57,790
Oh, Zapp. Let's save
another planet right now!
402
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:58,960
(SNORING)
403
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,040
ENGLISH - US - PSDH
29603
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