All language subtitles for crazy.ex-girlfriend.s04e06.web.h264-tbs

Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

You're more stable and
self-aware than you were.

And you're a loving
person who deserves love.

I need to counteract

my systemic, socioeconomic,
racial and cis-gender advantages.

Oh, you mean that?

I am applying to law school!

I'm old. Maybe-maybe it's too late.

Maybe this whole law
school thing is dumb, okay?

It's not dumb. Your dreams are not dumb.

The first second I came here,
you've been so nice to me.

This is a joke. You're a joke, Bert.

I know that me being here
is not your first choice,

but... you're stuck with me.

Hector and I bought
a condo in El Segundo,

so... we're moving.

I'm moving to New York.

I am worried that your
body spray is gonna

waft into her room and she's
gonna know that you're here,

so leave... without wafting.

Someone asked me to change
the water cooler on the way in.

What is this?

♪ Meet Rebecca ♪

♪ She's the coolest
girl in the world, wait ♪

♪ Wrong Rebecca ♪

♪ It's this one over here ♪

♪ She's spunky, she's
sweet, a generous friend ♪

♪ Oh, but there she
looks kind of mean ♪

Hmm. ♪ Okay, she's snarky ♪

♪ Sarcastic and a... What? ♪

♪ You know, we're not really
seeing a common theme ♪

♪ Meet Rebecca ♪

♪ She's too hard to summarize ♪

♪ So let's go back
to Other Rebecca. ♪

I eat my own eyelashes.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Guys, I am so NYC right now.

My apartment is tiny...

but I've got this great couch

that you can pull out to be a bed,

- then a desk...
- Wow.

... then a dining room table,
and then a Pilates reformer.

Ooh, très chic!

It's like your little
first-class cabin.

Exactly. Especially since
the bathroom is down the hall

and you share it
with ten other people.

- Yeah.
- Guys, I love having you both available

at the touch of a button.

Yay, technology, bridging
the endless divides.

Well, I'm at Home Base, just
2.4 miles from you, so...

Anyway, how are you, Rebecca?
Is today group therapy day?

No, V, her group is Thursday,
individual therapy is Friday,

equestrian share circle is...

Wednesday, and horses
give me a rash now,

so I don't even think I'm gonna go
anymore. God, this is exhausting.

Guys, I know all this emotional work

is necessary and productive,

but I'm excited to have a day off.

For 24 hours, I don't want
to talk about my feelings

or my problems or my
personality disorder.

And I know just what I want to do today.

So, I was on Instagram,

and I found this place
called Harry's Hog Shop,

it's this BBQ place in Irvine...

Oh, I love that place.

I peep at their Instagram
all day; it's pure food porn.

I really want to bone those ribs.

Awesome. So let's go!
Let's go get some treif.

Man, I can't. I'm working today
at two diff HB's. Ugh, sorry.

You should call Paula.

Isn't that what you
guys like to do together?

Eat food for fun instead of fuel?

No, she's studying today.

- Poop.
- Oh, I know.

What about the rest of
your old Whitefeather crew?

You could go with one of them?

Oh, that's a good idea.

I don't really spend much
time with any of them anymore

and no one really knows me well enough

to get into the heavy stuff.

Yeah, I'll just fire up
that old work text chain.

_

And send.

Hold on. Wait a second, Rebecca.

Is, um, Darryl on that text chain?

- Yeah.
- Ugh. Darryl, right.

My bad. Listen, if you're
looking to keep it light,

he's not your person. He's so emo.

Yeah, love him, but he is a
"have a feeling, say a feeling"

kind of guy.

It'll be fine. Even if he comes,

there will be a ton
of other people there.

It's all good. And he's my friend.

He'll be fine if I just
explain to him what I want.

I don't know, can you really ask
people to be not who they are?

Especially someone who
is so... um, Darryl.

Ugh.

Doing baby laundry
makes me want to cry.

Look at her little socks.

She's already getting
too big for some of them.

God, time flies, Evelyn.

I feel like I'm already losing her.

Oh, let me do that, Darryl.

I'm the nanny. It's what I do.

You've been home every
day since I started.

The point of hiring me

is so that you can get
your life started again.

See friends, have fun.

Okay. I guess you're right.

It's just, who would I go with?

Where would I go?

I missed a text. Huh.

Yum!

Ugh. AJ, listen to this

parade of no's.

George: "Did you mean to
send this to me? If yes, no."

Bert: "Not allowed within
the Irvine city limits."

Maya: "Eek, sorry, can't.
In Solvang with Emma Watson."

Oh, yeah. Who says "eek, sorry" anyway?

Ooh, AJ, can you come?

Eek, sorry. I'm working.

For you. Right now. In front of you.

- Oh, right. Boo.
- If you're looking for fun,

why not go on the apps?

You haven't been on a date
since I started working here

and you're afraid your
hymen is coming back.

Wait, how'd you know that?

You told me. Repeatedly.

I was gonna report it
to HR, but you are HR.

And AJ, I just can't go on the apps.

I only attract toxic or unavailable men,

then I fall for them.
It's... a whole thing.

I should tell you
about it sometime, Oof.

You've told me about it. You've
done nothing but talk about it.

I was actually gonna report that, too.

God, why is this so hard?

I just want to share a
fun and carefree car trip

and some smoked meats with someone

who's a super chill hang.

Oh...

- Darryl's in.
- Huh?

You said you wanted a
chill hang. That's not Darryl.

We only met once and ended
up spending the whole time

talking about our mothers
and crying our eyes out.

Dude is extra.

Well, AJ, everyone else said no.

So Darryl is what I got.

And it's gonna work. It has to.

I need this day.

Oh, there you are.

Thought you were
studying for your finals.

Well, I was about to. In here.

In my new office.

Um, but I couldn't get started
because something's missing.

Your butt in a chair?

No. A desk.

I need a desk. I need to study
for finals and soon, the bar,

and to do that I need
a proper, lawyerly desk.

I'm gonna be a lawyer.

A lawyer, Scott.

Well, you've worked so hard.
You're almost there, babe.

Sometimes I can't believe it.

I mean, you know, my
dad always... hold on.

Let's not restrict this just to my dad.

Everyone said that I would end
up nothing but a baby factory

and yet here I am,

about to introduce myself
to the world as an attorney.

And all I need to do to
get to that monumental,

not-at-all
scary place

is study.

Hence, a desk.

We have that folding table
in the garage. I'll get it.

A folding table? Come on. Scott, no.

I have found the perfect desk.

It is gorgeous, and it totally
says "big-time lawyer lady."

The only problem is that
it is in San Bernardino

and it is too big for our minivan,

so I found an app called...
"Bro With A Truck."

They send a bro with a pickup,

and I'm pretty excited
because my bro is Driver 78.

He has a five-star
rating, he likes music,

is a Pisces, and he scuba dived
off the Great Barrier Reef.

Sounds like you're going on
a date with him or something.

Tanya!

Have a great day. Hope it's
a great desk, you deserve it.

God, I love that. Still
remains a tasty move.

Here is your burger and cabbage.

I call it the "No One Wants That," so...

Okay, you're welcome. Did
you want anything to drink?

Yes, water.

Yes, water, please and thank you.

If you say so.

Ah.

Hey, Nathaniel.

I went to your house
but you weren't there,

so I called all of the dining
establishments in the city

until I found you.

- Why?
- Oh, some mail came

for you at the office yesterday,

so I thought I'd bring it
to you the way, you know,

coworkers with a good rapport

bring things to each other on Saturdays.

Uh-oh.
Burger salad. Are you in trouble?

My grandmother used to make
that for me and my seven sisters

when we were bad.

Great. Mail. Cool.

Okay, you got me. The
mail was a pretext.

I wanted to spend some
out-of-office time with you.

We started off on the wrong foot.

I'd-I'd really like to
get to know each other.

Huh. I don't want to do that.

But I-I do want to do that.

But... all right,
m-maybe some other time.

Bye-bye.

Here you go. I'm sorry.

He's so rude. I kind of
just think that's who he is.

He dated one of my best friends

and he was also randomly at my wedding

because my husband is
his surf instructor.

But... I've always never liked
him. I think he's kind of a dick.

I don't know. I think he's just

not very open emotionally,
because he's sad

about some things in his life.

I get it.

When my seven sisters died

in that tragic tandem bike accident,

it took me 14 years to
deal with it, to even cry.

One good cry and that young man...

well, he'll probably have a ways to go,

but, I don't know, maybe it'll work.

I just think he's broken.

I'm so sorry about your sisters.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Ooh, you should have seen the mess.

Boom!

Hello?

Driver 78 is here!

P-P-P-Paula!

It is you.

Customer 99 is you. Yes!

You? It's you? It's not you.
You don't scuba dive.

Uh, yeah, I scuba-did. When
I was ten, I scuba-doved.

That's not... scuba-dove...

I-I thought you had
another job. You're a DJ.

Yeah, that's at night.

During the day I like to
pick up some extra cash.

Plus, Hector's mom likes
me to be out of the house

during the day; that's when she
Jacuzzis and edits the podcast.

Well, that's good. I mean,
you're saving up money

to move out of her house, then.

What? No. I'm not moving out.

Though we could use a bigger place

and we do dream about owning.

Wow. Josh...

I am, I am, as always,
amazed at your utter Joshness.

- Thanks.
- Look,

I just don't know if
I can do this today.

I thought I was gonna spend
the day with a stranger.

And maybe I should
just get another driver.

Do-do it tomorrow.

Cancellation fee is $200.

Okay, let's go.

Damn it!

♪ Everybody's falling
for each other ♪

♪ Bom-bom, bom,
all-all one by... ♪

Nathaniel?

What?

Uh, what happened?

I forgot to charge my car
and now I'm out of juice.

I've been trying to get an Uber,

but these idiot drivers
keep canceling on me.

Huh. You must have a bad rating.

The ratings go both ways?

Socialists.

Okay, good catching up, bye-bye.

No, wait, wait, wait. Um... Uh...

can I have a ride?

Ugh, sorry.

Can I have a ride, please and thank you?

Look at you!

You look like a small-town
mayor at a 1970s rodeo.

Or, oh, you look like
the guy in the porno

who goes, "Nancy,

I want those oil reports
on my desk yesterday."

Thank you.

I go all-out for
barbecue. It's like I say:

"It ain't a real meal

unless you suit up from hat to heel."

Ha! That's funny.

Oh, you're fun.

And anyone who said you would not be fun

or would be super emo is wrong,

because you're already rhyming

and you're already in a costume...

Well, this is not a costume...

In an outfit that screams "costume,"

and we're just gonna have fun, fun, fun.

Hey, before then... um,

Darryl, you know I'm in an
extensive amount of therapy,

and I have learned in therapy

to make my wishes clear.

So I would like to clearly say...

I'm just looking for
a fun, easy breezy day,

no heavy convos... is that cool?

Yep. No problem.

Aw, look at us.

Me and you, heading
out on the open road,

two old friends that...

have been through so much together...

Yep, that's not what you want.

I will not do that again.

All right. Let's go.

Okeydokey, pokey.

So therapy has given
me a whole new perspective

on the world, a whole new vocabulary

for talking about my feelings,

also something to do
on Monday nights, huh?

That's nice, Josh. Good for you.

Yeah, I think some of my issues
started with potty training.

My mother bribed me with candy,

so I wasn't internally motivated.

I mean, you really need
to start with what's inside

and then go outside. At least...

... got hard candy if I went number one,

I got chocolate if I did number two,

which I thought was kind of funny,

because, like, chocolate.
Oh, that reminds me...

Being picked first for kickball

every single time was at
once an honor and a burden,

and created a kind
of split in my psyche.

I mean, it's not that
difficult of a difference.

Okay... shotokan, tae Kwon do.

... need to count in Korean...
Hana, dul, set, net, dasol,

yasot, iilgup, yodol.
And then Japanese is

ichi, Ni, San, shi, go, roku,
shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu.

I get 'em confused, sometimes,

but it's really not hard at all.

When I was working at
Aloha, I felt so trapped

in that back office.
Sometimes literally,

because Alex would put
boxes in front of the door,

and that sucked.

No, sorry.

That made me feel sucked. Ugh.

Josh, what?

Oh, yeah.

You're not in therapy.

You don't get the lingo.

Well, what's the lingo for,

"For the love of God,
please stop talking"?

I think it's, "Let's sit
with that for a minute."

Right. Dr. A says that a lot.

Mm-hmm.

Anyway, what's so special about
this desk that you got to go

all the way out to San Bernardino?

There's got to be some
good desks closer to home...

Josh... I don't want to talk.

So I'll just drop you off
at your apartment, or... ?

No, I'm going to Santa Monica.

Santa Monica, pronto.

What?

Oh, God. Sorry.

Santa Monica, please, pronto.

Oh, wow, you're a real piece of work.

You're asking to be
chauffeured to the beach?

You've got a lot of nerve.

But lucky for you, I am headed

to the El Segundo Home
Base, which is at the beach,

so it's basically on the way and
also I'm a really nice person.

Okay. Thank you.

Wow, "thank you"... we're
really getting somewhere.

God, this car... is disgusting.

This is like an old mobile garbage can.

- How do you live like this?
- What?

There's nothing wrong with this car.

It gets me where I need to go

and I have access to all of
my belongings, which is great.

- Okay.
- Also, it's none of your business.

Cool. Well, if I need a dirty shirt

or an empty water bottle
or hair scrunchies, What...

I'm good to go.

Oh, yeah, 'cause I'm the weird one.

Why are you clutching that envelope?

This envelope is not your concern.

Just drive, please. Thank you. Pronto.

Fine, but your rating
is gonna be a zero, so...

It's a lovely day
to eat some ribs, right?

- Yeah, it's a beautiful day.
- Mm.

So, you talk to Valencia
and Heather lately?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- They're doing great, right?

Must be hard that they moved away.

How's that make you feel? Heart hurting?

Oh, sorry.

No, I-I did it. I see that.

It's okay. You made a mistake.

We all make mistakes,
God knows I do. It's fine.

Um, let's do something
fun. Let's sing a car song.

Oh, I know a great car song,
let me teach you. It goes...

"This song
goes in a loop-de-loop.

I love car songs. It starts... The...

I love 'em. Oh. They
remind me of my childhood.

What was your childhood like?

Oh, was it tough?

Oh, tell me your-your first sad
memory that you can think of.

Hey, Darryl, just... can we not?

I'm begging you.

Just... can we not?

- My bad.
- Thank you.

Hey... could you not do that either?

Thanks.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Well, you set out on a road trip ♪

♪ And you thought it
would be really fun ♪

♪ Thought, thought,
thought it'd be fun ♪

♪ Cruisin' down the highway
in the bright California sun ♪

♪ Sun fun, fun in the sun ♪

♪ But something feels off,
something's not quite right ♪

♪ And now you're hoping that ♪

♪ The end's in sight,
because you're ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with
someone you don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with ♪

♪ Trapped, trapped, trapped in a car ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with
someone you don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with ♪

♪ Trapped, trapped, trapped in a car ♪

♪ And now this person's
eating corn chips ♪

♪ Where did those come from? ♪

♪ From, from,
where did the corn chips come from? ♪

♪ It's hard to focus on a podcast ♪

♪ Because they've started to hum ♪

♪ Hum, hum, I will rip off your mouth ♪

♪ We pass a mini golf
course and they go ♪

♪ "Ooh!" ♪

♪ Just when you think
it's getting better ♪

♪ They take off their
shoes, because you're ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with
someone you don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with ♪

♪ Oh, God, your toes,
do you have a disease? ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with
someone you don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with ♪

♪ They smell so bad,
see a doctor, please ♪

♪ And the car ride is so endless ♪

♪ It feels like so
much time has passed ♪

♪ That your taste evolves ♪

♪ And you enter a more ♪

♪ Experimental era
of your music career ♪

♪ Why do we even have cars at all? ♪

♪ In the scheme of things,
this Earth is small ♪

♪ Or do I really need
to travel somewhere? ♪

♪ Or can I get there in my mind? ♪

♪ I could leave
everyone else behind ♪

♪ Like him ♪

♪ And her ♪

♪ And him ♪

♪ Alhambra, Glendora ♪

♪ La Puente, here's some more-a ♪

♪ Covina, Pasadena ♪

♪ My baby, have you seen her? ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ The car ride has gone on so long ♪

♪ That we're now in the later ♪

♪ More commercial
stages of our career ♪

♪ Because we're ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with someone ♪

♪ I don't wanna be
trapped in a car with ♪

♪ Ontario, Alhambra, we
already said Alhambra ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with someone ♪

♪ We don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with ♪

♪ Piña colada, that
should be a city ♪

♪ Trapped in a song with
someone we don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a song with ♪

♪ Trapped, trapped,
trapped in a song ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with
someone I don't wanna be ♪

♪ Trapped in a car with ♪
♪ Trapped, trapped... ♪

♪ Trapped in a car
with someone I don't wanna be ♪

- ♪ Trapped in a car with. ♪
- What are you mumbling

progressively more quietly each time?

- Nothing.
- Okay.

So you need a desk for studying!

How wonderful.

What are you studying for?

Uh, law school finals.

I mean, I haven't started yet.

I need the right desk. You get it.

No, not really. But I-I do my bills

standing over a sink
eating a ripe grapefruit.

Saves a plate.

Oh. You need this desk
for your finals, Paula?

Wow, what an important errand I'm on.

So honored.

All right, let's get
this puppy in the truck

and get you studying ASAP.

Now? Right now? I...

Wow, this whole thing is
just gonna take 90 minutes.

That's so fast.

Oh, wait a second.
Hold on a second. Uh-oh.

- There's a scratch here.
- Really? I-I don't see how.

I stored it away from my
leopard and my anteaters.

Uh, no, I mean, well, look right here.

It's a big old scratch
that wasn't in the photos,

so because it wasn't previously
disclosed... lawyer term...

Um, it's just not gonna work out
for me, Mrs. Beattie, I'm sorry.

But, um, that's okay,

because I was looking at another desk.

It's in San Diego, and if we
take all the right freeways,

it's only three hours.

No, Paula, you need this desk now.

It's an important step
to you becoming a lawyer.

Don't worry, this won't
hold us up. I got this.

I brought a wood finishing pen
in case there were any dings

or nicks in the moving process.

Oh, well, aren't you... clever.

See, works like a charm.

Wow, it really does. Well done.

So let's load it in the truck.

Well, n-no, we can't go now.

I mean, that would be
rude. We just got here

and I'm sure Mrs.
Beattie wants to show us

all of her beautiful trash... sures.

Oh, excuse me, honey.

You really want to hear all
about my wonderful belongings?

- Yeah.
- Well, this owl right here...

Has no eyes.

I don't like them looking at me.

So, the whole ride, you're
just not gonna tell me

why you're cuddling a puffy envelope

like a toddler clutching
a stuffed animal?

- Why do you care?
- Oh, I don't.

I'm just annoyed that you won't tell me.

I mean, you were at my wedding.

So what?

So that, like, bonds us.

It really doesn't.

I was at Kate Middleton's wedding

and we barely speak anymore.

Okay.

Why is your car making weird noises?

Oh, yeah. Those aren't weird.

I know exactly what those are.

It happens every 12 miles or so.

I just duct tape the coolant
hose and then I'm good to go.

Wow. Crafty. Very Etsy.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

I am gonna pull over though,
'cause this is pretty dangerous,

so... Yes.

♪ Turn your radio on ♪

♪ I think they're playing
Haggard and Jones ♪

Oh, this place is so cool!

Yeah, yeah, it's real awesome.

Howdy!

- How many buckaroos will you be?
- Just two.

Two buddies sharing a
special day I our lives.

No, it-it's just a regular day.

Uh, he's being a little extra right now.

- Oh.
- What does that mean?

What does "extra" mean?

I hope you don't mind,
the only table we have left

is what we call our
"Hitched At The Hip" table.

It's facing the same
way, cuddled in together.

Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Fun. Fun, fun, fun. Fun.

Yeah, as long as I don't
talk about any heavy stuff.

This one wants to keep it light today.

Okay, Darryl, I'm sure the nice lady

doesn't want to hear about us.

Yeah, you see, she's been through a lot;

she has a disorder.

Oh, my God, Darryl, will you stop?

I'm sorry.

- Why are you mad?
- You know why I'm mad.

I just wanted to have a fun day.

- Why is that too much to ask?
- I tried. I was trying.

Okay, well, not hard enough.
You know what?

Let's just go. This was a bad idea.
It's not your fault.

You just happen to be
everything I didn't want today.

I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean that.

- Yeah, you did.
- Okay.

Let's just, let's just leave.

No. No, no. I'm not about
to get into a car with you.

I can't believe that I used the first
day away from Hebby to be with you.

Darryl, come on.

You know, sometimes
I think we're close,

like when you give me
parts of your genetic code

to make a person, but
sometimes it feels like

you just don't like me.

And I look past it,

because I like the good parts of you,

and I know you have some challenges,

but that is no excuse
for you to be unkind.

And this is Terrence.

He's missing an eyeball.

My husband hit him over
the head with a shovel

and the eyeball went flying.

Actually, I think it's in
this candy tin right here.

Oh, you know, Paula, we got to go.

W-While you guys are talking
about eyeballs and stuff,

I'll put the desk in the truck,
okay? Just meet me out there.

By yourself? That seems heavy.

Maybe I should call for another bro.

Nah, I got this.

- Oh, dear.
- Wow.

Oh, uh, your, uh, water cooler's empty.

Ah.

There we go.

Don't worry, Paula,

I'll have you studying in no time.

I won't let you down.

Let's hug.

Oh...

All right.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna put this on my sad
cowboy Instagram meme account.

I just want to wait in
peace for my Uber, thank you.

Darryl, I'm really sorry.

And there's no excuse

for how I spoke to you.

But I needed a break from being asked

to explore and express and
expand upon my feelings.

I do it all the time,
and I'm just exhausted.

But that's not your fault.

And I really am
very sorry for what I said.

And for how I've been all day.

Okay.

Thank you.

I don't think an Uber's even coming.

I've got a two-star,
"too-talkative" rating.

You know what?
I got an idea. Let's do this,

let's just go get something to eat.

I personally am starving.

Oh, my God, me, too.

Let's just get down on some ribs.

- Okay?
- Ah.

No more emotional sharing,

no more probing, none of it.

Really? 'Cause I would love that.

Oh, well, it's happening.

Boom!

- What?!
- Ha-ha-ha!

♪ Look at this, 'cause
I'm always prepared. ♪

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

- That's for you, my friend.
- No!

- Come on, little lady.
- Okay.

Let's get our feed on!

I can't believe this
is your car, this is what you drive.

Aren't you supposed to be, like,
a branch manager or something?

And you drive around in an old junker?

Is that what you think of yourself?

I did not ask for your opinion.

Okay. It's just that people

who respect themselves
usually drive decent cars

they keep clean; it's just a fact.

You know, I've had about enough
of you. You're being a dick.

Pardon me?

No, pardon you.

Oh, my God, you think the
world revolves around you

because you're all smart and tall

and rich and white and spoiled

and male with playful hair.

- Hey, don't talk about my hair.
- Let me tell you something.

I know you think you're awesome,
I get that, but I don't like you.

I never liked you. I don't
like how you talk to people.

I never got what Rebecca saw in you.

I think you're a rich, entitled bully,

and you're hiding
what's in that envelope,

and it's so freaking
weird! You're weird.

I'm weird? You drive Archie's jalopy,

and I'm the weird one?

Just shut up and just give me

- that envelope.
- No. Hey.

Oh!

Oh, my God.

What is all this?

It's Heidi.

I'm sorry, what?

These are the ashes of Heidi,

my beloved, dead Au pair.

Oh.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm, God. Mmm, mmm.

So... good.

Mmm. Oh.

Oh, I guess you guys hated it.

It was disgusting.

- No, we are never coming back here.
- Uh-uh. Oh!

Ah. There you go.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, guys. Thank you.

- Hey, you want to get back to the maze?
- Yes!

Mmm. Choose your weapon.

Mmm. Mmm, mmm.

Okay, so, let's see, we
start at the sexy cowgirl.

The weirdly sexy cowgirl.

Mm-hmm. And that pony's not
too bad, either. And then we...

- You know what?
- What?

I'm really happy that you
just wanted to have fun today.

- Really?
- Yeah.

'Cause you're right,
sometimes I can be too...

probe-y and disclose-y
and look inward-y.

I mean, you'd make a great gynecologist.

But now, look at us.

We are fun.

You know, we're fun people,
we're really fun people.

- Probably the best table.
- Best table on the block.

And...

thank you.

Hey. Should we get some more food?

Nah. I'm stuffed.
I couldn't eat another bite.

Ha! Kidding.

- Waitress!
- Oh-ho-ho-ho!

I have human remains on me.

That's your fault, okay?

You grabbed the bag. This is your fault.

What is your deal?

Why are you driving around
clutching someone's ashes?

And don't tell me it's
none of my business,

because it is all over me.

Why are you carrying around

a dead Heidi, and what is an Au pair?

An Au pair is rich for "babysitter."

She took care of me

from the day I was born until I was 17.

She passed away this year,

and her family...

they gave me a portion of her
ashes to scatter in the ocean,

because that's where we
went to a lot together.

That's what she wanted.

Wait, what?

You were so close to someone

that they wanted you
to scatter their ashes?

It's that hard for you to believe

that I was ever close to someone?

Uh, yeah.

Well, I was.

I was close to her.

I loved her.

And she loved me. She
practically raised me.

If I needed somebody, she was there.

Then she went back to Austria.

And the very next person

to love me like that was Rebecca.

And now they're gone.

They're both gone.

The people I cared
about most in my life...

... are gone.

♪ This song goes in a loop-de-loop ♪

♪ It starts at the end,
and it ends at the start ♪

♪ And this song goes
in a loop-de-loop... ♪

Oh, my God, that is
such a great song!

- Right, it's so...
- Oh! Oh, my God.

- You're so gross...
- Oh.

- We can't go home like this.
- No.

We put the "ew" in "barbecue."

I'm kind of meat-drunk,
so I really like

that dad joke right now, actually.

Ooh, ooh. Wait, there's a truck stop.

Do you want to go wash up?

And also, I'm weirdly still hungry,
so maybe get some dessert, right?

Let's do it!

Yeah! Okay.

So you got that from a man

named Grover in Cleveland
who was not Grover Cleveland?

Exactly.

Exactly. Ah...

That's a good one, though.

Paula. What are you doing?

The desk is in the truck.

We got to go. I-I have a gig tonight.

What? Well, we can't leave
before we see the collection

of vintage tuna containers.

Ooh, and Mrs. Beattie

has invited us over for dinner!

That's it, Paula! Enough!

I can't stay here all night enabling

your procrastination caused
by an inner fear of success

that's making you put off
studying for your finals.

Wow. Josh.

Did I get that right?

Oh, my God, I think you did.

Sounds right to me.

But what do I know?

I got 43 porcelain cats.

Only 43, huh?

There, there.

I'm lonely.

So lonely.

I don't know why I can't have
that closeness with anyone else.

Huh.

Well, you could try
being nicer to people.

That could be a good first step.

You think I don't know that?

You think I don't know that I'm a jerk?

I don't want to be that way.

When I'm hurt, I clam up and I lash out.

It's kind of a...
clamming and a lashing.

Well, you're not doing that right now.

No, I'm weeping right
now. It's pathetic.

No, it's human.

And... you should show more
people this side of you.

Heidi would be proud.

I mean, I think. I didn't know her.

I'm just inferring a
lot from what you said.

All she wanted was to
get back to the ocean,

and I failed.

I failed her.

Sorry I couldn't get you
where you needed to go, Heidi.

Yeah, you did.

You kind of did.

This is a clear health violation.

Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi.

Hey, I think you were
right about my car.

Yeah, I am.

Dang, cowboy!

- You don't look like a dang cowboy.
- Well, my outfit

was trashed, so I, uh, bought
new duds in the gift shop.

And then the, uh,
molasses wouldn't budge,

so I just... buzzed the old duster.

Oh, my God. You shaved your mustache.

I didn't notice.

But I did save it for the scrapbook.

Wait, Darryl, are you okay?

That mustache was a...
big part of your identity.

If you want to cry right now,

I will not yell at you, I promise.

No, I feel good. I feel fine.

I'm just happy to be here with you.

- Oh... Oh.
- Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, whoa, Nelly.

Yeah.

Um...

I'm gonna get in the car.

There it is. Looks great.

You're gonna be a great lawyer.

- How do you know?
- Because you really care about it.

If you didn't care about it,
you wouldn't have been so worried

and done the thing with the desk.

But you are and you did, so...

- you will.
- Thanks.

Thanks for saying that.

Here, this came in the mail.

It's apartment listings in the area.

Uh-huh.

Dude, you have got to move
out of Hector's mom's house.

You mean so I can
establish my own boundaries,

spread my wings, find my own path?

No. Because it's sad and weird.

A lot of people keep saying that to me.

Mm, all right.

- So...
- Yeah.

- That was a very quiet ride home.
- Yeah, it sure was.

Um... so, listen, Darryl,

I think we're on the
same page about this,

but... to be clear,

I don't think you and
I are meant for romance.

Oh, God. Oh, good, Okay.

'Cause that was why
I didn't say anything.

Oh, my God, that's why
I didn't say anything.

I mean, I thought we were on the same...

Okay. Okay.

Whew!

You know, I was thinking,
the fact that I was attracted to you...

it gives me hope.

- Yeah?
- I mean,

I was attracted to someone nice.

I mean, if that can happen,

maybe I can be attracted
to a different type of guy.

You know? Guys who aren't

withholding or cold
or jerks or unavailable

or dating other people or
immoral or married or...

Nathaniel or Greg or Josh.

I hope one day

to find someone who is as
kind and as loving as you are.

That is so sweet of you to say.

You know what? I've
just decided something.

I'm gonna start dating again.

- Well, good for you!
- Yeah.

I'm gonna fire up the
apps, I'm gonna do it,

and if I'm lucky,

maybe there are other Darryls
out there in the world.

Oh...

Oh.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

Okay.

You know, just for the record,

I bet you're great in bed.

Oh, yeah. I also have an enormous penis.

Good for you, buddy.

I'm gonna head out.

But I'm gonna need a check.

And much like your penis,
it's gonna be a big one.

You wanted to see me?

Something in particular you
wanted to yell at me about?

No. I... Please, sit down.

I, um...

I wanted to apologize.

I-I've been...

been horrible to you.

- Yeah. Yeah, you have.
- And, um...

I'm sorry.

Well, that's okay, Nathaniel.

You're a good kid.

I've always seen that.

Thanks.

Um...

I, um...

have something for you.

Oh.

Whew.

Why'd you do that?

Um... well, I'm new to
expressing affection.

Was that not... right?

Well... not exactly.

But it's a start.

I think you're on your way.

Much like my sisters were on
their way to a Gouda festival

when they were obliterated.

I... I don't know what to say to that.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a toughie.

Hey, Nathaniel.

- Hmm?
- Guess who just leased

- a brand-new Civic, bitch.
- There you go.

Did you know there's
Bluetooth in cars now?

- Everyone knows that, yeah.
- That's crazy.

I did that.

I do nice things now.

♪ Good night, my sweet angel ♪

♪ Rest now, my love ♪

♪ You'll be watched over ♪

♪ By Jesus above ♪

♪ And as you sink into
the sweetness of sleep ♪

♪ Know that your daddy's love ♪

♪ Runs just as deep ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You lived on my face ♪

♪ Since you were first born ♪

♪ Catching my tears ♪

♪ And occasionally corn ♪

♪ Though my lip may be bare ♪

♪ My soul is quite lush ♪

♪ Farewell, fair mustache ♪

♪ And this tiny brush ♪

♪ And these clippers ♪

♪ And this beard oil ♪

♪ And this backup beard oil ♪

♪ And... ♪

Damn it.

Evelyn?

Can you comfort Hebby?

I'm with my baby.

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --