All language subtitles for SMILF.S02E06.web.h264-strife[ettv]

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Oh, did you pee the bed last night?

No.

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Tuck it under.

Tuck it under, Mommy.

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What's it start with?
What's it start with?

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B!

I need new Legos.

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- Night-night.
- Night-night.

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"And make them into crowns
and play King of the Forest."

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No real surprises here.

Junior account executive requires a lot

of client management.

Well, I'm a great communicator.

How do you communicate?

Well, you know, I've
been a tutor for teenagers

for the past five years.

- Ugh. Gross.
- Yeah.

You know, I just feel like
if I can get a teenage boy

to write an essay on slavery's
destruction of identity

in Toni Morrison's Beloved,

- I can pretty much get anyone...
- Stop!

Love... I love Beloved!

I love Beloved!

So well written.

And Toni Morrison, holy frijoles,

he is my jam.

Yeah, she's really good.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Wow. Cool.
- Great.

Ooh.

So you have a child, right?

Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Really nice office.

Oh, thank you.

I'm gonna be honest with
you. You don't want this job.

It's a lot of nights and weekends.

- You'll probably never see your kid.
- Okay.

Okay, great.

I have another meeting, so
you're gonna have to get...

- Oh.
- Oh, but thank you so much.

Thank you.

It was really nice to meet you.

So sorry you didn't
get the ad job, honey.

Have you thought about real estate?

Oh, God, Jackie. You
want everyone to be you.

I wish I was her.

I do. I wish I was you.

- Oh, I wish I was you.
- I really wish I was you.

- No, I wish I was you.
- I wish I was you.

I don't really wish I was you.

No, I get it. I don't
really wanna be me either.

But you're really good at
this. Like, do some more.

Okay, let me give you
another one. Ready?

Guinness: Tastes better
than your sadness.

- That's so good.
- Hold on. I have a better one.

Guinness: Drown your sorrows
in a bottle of Guinness.

That wasn't better.
That was just louder.

Jack, could you please get me a beer?

No.

What do you mean, no?

I'm sick of doing shit for
you, and I'm not gonna do it.

You don't ever do anything for me.

No, 'cause you're
always bossing me around,

like you always have, like
you have my whole life.

And you know what else?

I cannot believe that you
did not give me the listing

for this house. I cannot
believe that you...

What the hell are you talking about?

Jesus Christ, Jackie.

I gotta hear from some chump realtor

that my own sister's
selling her fucking house?

- That's not right.
- I am not selling my house.

- Really?
- Yes, that...

That's why they're calling me?

Jackie, why are you so insecure?

- I'm not insecure.
- You are.

You are insecure.

If I had a house to sell,

of course I would give it to you.

Has anyone talked to
Joe Junior about this?

I think Junior's trying
to sell the house.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I wish I was.

And you didn't call me and tell me?

What the fuck? I'm
telling you right now.

I thought... we thought
you were in on it.

- How you gonna take...
- Give me a sip.

- I got this off that...
- Why the hell didn't you...

- ... shit loser realtor...
- Why the hell didn't you call me?

She just said she thought you knew.

I'm not in on it, Jackie.

That goddamn Joe is
trying to fuck me over.

Well, that's true.

I won't stand for it.
You know what I'll do?

I will burn down this fucking house

before letting him get away with that.

Hey, Mom, you know if you go outside

and you hug a tree
for five minutes a day,

it's like taking an antidepressant?

You know what you need to do

that would help you a little bit

feel better and everything in your life?

Get a fucking job.

You need 24 hours hugging that tree.

- Mm.
- You need to lay off her.

You gotta lay off her. You're
gonna have to talk to him.

What do you wanna do?

Listen, I'm not gonna talk...

- Go to the beach.
- Go to the beach?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, come on. Come on.

You want to be part
of the decision-making?

You're gonna have to do
something like talk to him.

Be reasonable. Make him dinner.

- Make him dinner?
- Yeah.

That's what you think's gonna help?

Make him dinner, like that thing you do.

Yeah, hey, I thought
you were staying for supper.

No, I gotta go to
7-Eleven, get a fucking job.

That's very funny, Bridgette.

Hey, hey, hey, remember, it
tastes better than sadness.

- Bye, Jack.
- It does.

Go get us a couple of
cold ones, will you?

Jesus, now I'm doing what you say to do.

Oh, look. Our French fries.

The waiter put them out here for us.

How nice.

Come on, let's go to the
beach. Sit on the water.

Come on.

- This is fun.
- One, two, three.

- Ooh.
- Up.

Fries are good.

So I'm gonna probably have
to start working full-time.

I know.

So I'm not gonna be around as much.

I know we don't have any more money.

Well, we're gonna have money.

Soon as someone hires me.

What do you wanna buy with the money?

A pony?

Yeah, I want a pony.

Me too.

A rainbow pony.

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Hey, Mom.

Shh. Sweet dreams.

You didn't write down your
social security number.

Oh, really?

Oh, I must... where do I do it? Oh.

You... you do have a
social security number?

Oh, yeah. No, I do.

- Okay.
- Question.

Uh, do you have a
social security number?

- I do.
- What's yours?

Yeah, that's something that I
would prefer to keep private.

Sometimes I don't remember
if it's a six or a nine.

Easy mistake.

It... it does have to be accurate.

Okay. There you go.

Okay.

Actually, you know what? I think it's...

I think it's a nine.

Yeah, it's definitely
a nine. Okay, all set.

Mm-hmm, all right.

Can't believe I'm here.

You know, just that it's come to this.

This is really for real poor people.

Not like... you know what I mean.

Yeah, well, you certainly qualify.

I know, but, you know,
I'm college educated,

for the most part.

Some people would say I'm pretty,

but, you know...

Yeah.

That's inappropriate.

Look, you all feel that way.

So just be grateful, okay?

I can do that.

This is an EBT card.

You can use that at most
grocery stores or 7-Elevens.

This government is so cool.

Yep.

Free money, free money, free money!

Whoo-hoo! Whoo, whoo!

Oink, oink!

Larry, you got a good voice, buddy.

- You hungry?
- Mm-mm.

Did Mama give you food?
Did you eat already?

- I ate some cookies.
- You ate some cookies?

Mama gave me French fries off the table.

Hello, Larry. When did you get here?

- Hi.
- Hey, babe.

Oh, is my hair disgusting?
It feels so gross.

I look insane, stupid broken shower.

Here, eat some.

No, oh, thank you, but today

is my non-eating day.

You have a busy day today, babe?

Yeah.

But I wish I could
hang out with you guys.

You got a good dad there,
Larry. Making you breakfast.

My dad used to take me to Bunnings

for the free sausage sizzle.

Bunnings is a warehouse.
What are you doing today?

Oh, um, private session.
I got a new client.

Babe, that's amazing!

- I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.

All right, I gotta run. Bye.

Bye, babe. Love you.

- Bye.
- Oh, fuck, shit.

- I mean...
- Earmuffs.

... trucks and sheeps.

I forgot the, um...

the plumber's coming
today to fix the shower

and I'm not gonna be here. I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- Um, yeah.

Uh, I'll be here.

Even though you've got that
session and all those...

Oh, you've got those errands to run.

- I got it, yeah.
- Thank you.

Okay, well, uh, Jim says to use

the corporate card for the dry cleaners.

- But get a receipt.
- All right.

And then this is for Bed Bath
& Beyond for the sheets,

and then here's, um, a 20 for...

No, no, baby, I got cash.

- No, thank you so much.
- Babe, I got ca...

No, no.

Oh, and my checkbook's in
the drawer for the plumber.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Yay, I get to shower tonight.

Did you eat all of the sausage?

I knew it was delicious.

You wanna go see Auntie Itsy?

Oh, Joe Junior, please
don't throw me out of my house.

I'm broke and alone.
I'm just a silly woman.

Please, what will I do?

You're such a good actress.
You should have been an actress.

That was convincing.

Well, you know, never
underestimate the power

of a guilty conscience.
Jesus taught us that.

There you go.

Bridgette, did you get a credit card?

Uh, it's better. It's an EBT card.

Food stamps?

- Yeah, food stamps.
- Bridgette, come on, now.

What are you, a welfare queen?

Yeah, maybe I am.

- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

All right, who's next?

- Bridgette Bird.
- That's me.

My queen.

Welfare queen, that is.

Absolutely. Mothering is
the most important job,

and the U.S. government is
happy to recognize it as labor.

Thank you.

Check for $50,000.

$50,000?

And this hopefully will cover
any walking-around money.

Wow, just for being a mom?

Just for being a mom.

Seven days a week, 24 hours a day,

no weekends, no vacations.

- To the moms!
- To the moms!

It's just to help me
get back on my feet.

- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.

I thought Trump was supposed

to get rid of all these handouts.

Ma'am, you have a balance for 285.

- What? Wait...
- You have a balance for 285.

- No, I gave you the card.
- No, EBT pay only food.

Most of the item that you
have over here is not covered.

What? Like what?

Tampon. Napkin.

Plastic wrap. Hold this for me.

The vitamin. Nothing on that.

- What does this cover, then?
- They only...

Only veggie, oatmeal, seed seed.

What are seed seeds?

It's a small seed.

You put it under the
ground and they'll grow up

and you can eat that.

Only the thing that not
covered with the food stamps,

you have to pay cash.

- Can you just cover me?
- No.

I can take it
out the items not covered.

No, no, wait. Just... It's okay.

You're just... Just pay for it, Mom.

I will pay you back.

Look, this is not my fault, okay?

- Whose fault is it?
- I mean, it's probably...

Hey, Bridge. Bridge, Bridge, Bridge.

How much money do you need, honey?

Listen, do not get
involved here, Jackie.

She doesn't need any more handouts.

- Mom, you're making a scene.
- No, hey, give me.

Don't you touch my bag!

I will pay for the stuff
for Larry, but that's it!

Only Larry's stuff?

'Cause he's just a baby.

It's not his fault that
you're on food stamps.

Um, can you just, uh,
save all this stuff for me?

I can't. I have to put everything back.

No, just put it in a bag,
and I'll be back later.

Isn't that just like you, Bridgette?

- Make everyone else clean up your mess.
- Put it back. Just put it back.

You are a fucking terrible mother!

Could you void that, please?

- Yeah, but it's...
- Coll, Coll, Coll.

I'm not making a scene.

We're not making a scene, Jackie.

- I can pay for it.
- Stop, okay?

No, Jackie. You don't understand.

Help me.

Last week, I was at Lake Cochituate

with Letty, swimming,

and a big-ass trout following me.

You're lying, bro.

I went right, it went
right. It was on my ass, yo.

Were you high?

No.

Can you open this?

I even got out the
lake to try to lose it

so it could follow Letty,
and it waited in there for me.

- Mm.
- Looking at me with its beady little eyes.

And now you're vegan?

Craziest experience of my life.

Let me ask you a question.

Is Letty vegan?

- Yeah.
- That's why you vegan!

Negative.

I had a spiritual
experience with a fish!

I'm not trying to hear all that, man.

Yo, call your sister, man.
I ain't got all fucking day.

I've been texting her, bro.

Man, her gym equipment
hookup better come through.

Should have went to the store
like law-abiding citizens.

No, we couldn't do that, could we?

Look, I gotta get back to
the condo, let the plumber in.

I gotta go pick up Nelly's dry cleaning.

I got shit to do too, man.

- Aww.
- What?

She pay you extra to do the
dishes too, you pendejo?

I get tips, all right?

- Mexican maid.
- Puerto Rican maid, bro.

Yay, yay, yay, yay,
yay. Look who's got your gloves.

Where you been?

I've been waiting for you
for, like, an hour and a half.

How about you thank me? Look at them.

Whoo!

That's what's up.

That's dope. Look.

She got the pink one and all that.

What you know about that?

Leather gloves? For real, Itsy?

Yes, leather, for real, Carlos. What?

You know how many of them animals

are skinned each year for that leather?

Oh, my God. We're in school now.

No, teach us. How many
animals are skinned?

Here we go.

What? Oh, and look at that.

A vegan smoking cigarettes.
That... that's cute.

That's real... makes
total sense to me, man.

How's your girlfriend Butchie?

And I'm not a...

Her name is fucking Abigail,

and she Irish, and she got an accent,

and she got red hair.

- Yeah.
- Who got... who got red hair?

- New girl, Abigail.
- New girl?

Uh-huh.

Damn, she get more girls than me.

- Run in the family.
- What you want me to say?

You want to make some tea?

Okay. Green tea.

Hello, hello, hello,

my little nuclear family.

Hey, babe.

How was your day?

Oh, it was good.

Oh, look at all this.

Oh, uh, I missed the plumber.

Fuck.

But, babe, you told me you could do it.

Yeah, babe, I didn't know
getting all this stuff

was gonna take so long.

Right, but I can't keep going
to the gym to shower, you know.

I have to look a certain way for work,

and it makes my hair all frizzy.

Yeah, but this is for my work.

Right, no, I know.

I didn't realize you'd
been saving all this money.

So what?

Well, so you never offered to help

with any of the bills or anything.

You never asked me to
help with any of the bills.

Mm. Yes.

So I'm just working over 60 hours a week

to pay off the mortgage?

You wanted this condo.

Right, it's my money.

And this is my money.

But it's not really, is it?

No. Mm.

Because I'm covering
for everything else.

I mean, I have to pay
for Larry's food now too.

You want me to pay for
the fucking breakfast?

What the fuck? Huh?

I'm... I'm starting this so that
I can, like, really have something

going for myself. This could be real.

Sure, right. I know.

- You know what the problem is?
- What?

You never support me. All right?

You got me running around
like a fucking errand boy.

And the second I get something going,

you wanna start complaining.

That is so unfair.

All I do is support you. I...

It's just it's a lot of pressure on me.

- Pressure?
- Yes, pressure.

I put pressure on you?

- Yes.
- How about this?

How about we take the pressure
off of you and we leave?

- Fantastic.
- Is that what you want?

Yeah, can you take this
stuff with you, please?

I wanna go see Mommy!

I just don't know if
we're right for each other,

you know?

Come on.

She treats me like I'm a fucking...

Mexican maid or something.

Okay, so she's paying your
bills and paying for the condo

and paying for Larry's
food, and you're complaining

while I'm over here on food stamps.

You are?

Yeah, well, for one day.
It's been very rough.

And you can't even buy
food on food stamps.

You can just buy seed seeds.

What the fuck is a seed seed?

I liked it better when
I didn't know I was poor.

- You know?
- Yeah.

It's like being punished for
a crime you didn't even commit.

I just hope it doesn't affect Larry.

It won't.

I was on food stamps my
entire fourth grade year.

And the only thing I remember
is my mom buying me these Jordans

that I really wanted.

She was like my superhero.

And look at you now.

Living in a condo in the south end.

- It's her condo, first of all.
- I know.

I'm just saying that I wish that
she would believe in me more.

- Like...
- She does believe in you.

Rafi, you gotta trust me on this.

You're doing your thing,

that, like, self-sabotage thing, okay?

Where you, like, wanna
mess everything up

'cause you're hurt or something.

Like, little boy's hurt or
whatever fucking bullshit.

I'm just gonna be real with you.

When we were together,
I was always like,

"Be a man and grow the
fuck up, you loser."

And it made you crazy and
insane and do lots of drugs

and feel misunderstood.

And with her, she's
all like, "Oh, my God.

My little puppy.

Oh, you're so handsome
and big and strong,

and let me support you and love you.

And you're such a good
dad, and you're my hero."

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Aussie dumb bullshit, blah, blah, blah.

It's true. You guys are
perfect for each other.

You're so fucked up.

Little bitch.

All right, I gotta go inside.

I gotta return these keys.

I hope the kids aren't
in there.

It's gonna add shame to
my already shameful day.

Mama, I'm hungry.

Okay. We'll go to McDonald's after.

Ugh. I'm the worst.

- I'll be back.
- All right.

Hello?

Just dropping off the key.

Ally?

Can I help you with something?

Huh?

Can I help you with something?

No, no, I don't...
I don't need any help.

- Thanks.
- You sure?

I'm good. I don't need any help, man.

I said I don't need help, brother.

All right?

- Okay, uh...
- What the fuck, man?

Do I look like I fucking need help?

Do I look like I fucking need help?

No, no, no, no, no. No, we're good.

We're good.

Shall we say grace?

Okay.

Okay, well, you're the man. You do it.

Oh, okay.

Dear Lord, thank you
for this food, and, um,

thank you for Tutu, who so
beautifully prepared this meal.

- And, uh...
- Thank you, Lord, for this house, this home,

and all the memories
that live within it.

And please guide us, Lord,
as we have some big decisions

to make in the next coming days.

And please guide those
in positions of power.

Amen.

Amen.

You know, your dad was
one hell of a companion.

I mean, I can't tell
you how much I miss him.

Every day, I feel him here
in this house and these walls.

I really do.

Feel him in the couch?

That's funny, Joe.

Listen, he would be so
happy right now to know

that we're having dinner.

I'm selling the house.

Oh.

I'm sorry, I just... Oh.

- Michelle got laid off.
- That so?

Yeah, and, you know, we got kids,

- Tutu, little kids.
- Mm.

Except for Shawn. He's
going to college next year.

- Yeah, that's right.
- So he's big.

I understand that.

A lot of things to think about.

Have you thought about this?

- This is my home.
- No, this is my dad's home.

That you are living in.

Your father killed himself.

Yeah.

Took all the meds that he had

and he drowned in a bowl of soup.

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't I tell you that?

Well, I was doing
something called protecting.

I was trying to protect you.

Something that you know
nothing about, quite obviously.

And here I made you my
beautiful chicken dinner, Joe.

My chicken dinner. Get out of my house.

What the fuck? You're fucking crazy.

You get out of my house!

Fuck you. This is my fucking house.

And I'm taking my fucking jacket.

Well, good! Take it!
I'm sick of seeing your face!

No wonder he fucking killed himself.

Oh, goddamn you, Joe Junior!

Don't come back!

Oh, God.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi.

You still pissed at me?

No, I'm not pissed at you.

You promise?

Can you just come home?

I'm in the living room.

I didn't wanna come up
if you were still mad.

What...

Plumber's coming tomorrow.

But I'll wash your hair tonight...

if you want.

Mm.

I think today was my fault.

You know, I suggested
that you move in with me,

and I don't wanna push you away.

I mean, I love you.

Baby, you're not gonna push me away.

Well, I did today.

I wanna be with you forever.

You know, I wanna
wash your hair forever.

I wanna marry you.

What?

- I want us to get married.
- Shut up.

We should get married, right?

I wanna take care of you.

I... I wanna be here for you.

I'll never leave you like that again.

I want us to get married.

- I love you.
- I love you.

I fucking love you.

- You wanna marry me?
- I do.

Hmm.

I'm gonna be a wife.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah?

Wedding in Puerto Rico?

- Puerto Rican wedding?
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- That's what you want? All right.
- Yeah.

I wanna be a wife.

What are you doing here?

I don't know.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You know, I cannot believe, Bridgette,

I'm gonna be 64 years old and homeless.

Well, I'm on food stamps.

And I stole from Ally.

Well, honey, you know,
she'll probably never notice,

but don't do it again.

Yeah.

Got a real nice watch, though.

- Hmm?
- Mm.

- Bridgie.
- And some saltine crackers.

Listen, Bridgie, food is one thing.

Don't start stealing watches.

That's a one-way to
the wrong way, right?

- Mm.
- Just don't do it again.

- Mom.
- What?

You should have just married Joe.

Sweetheart, you know I
couldn't get married again.

It's not in me, you know.

- Yeah, but come on.
- No.

But what I should have done
was have my name on that deed.

Fuck.

Should we just... I don't
know... rent a time machine?

Do a... do a little do-over?

Yeah, Back to the Future again, maybe.

What, Mom? What are we gonna do?

How about we make a bet?

- A bet?
- Yeah, you and me.

What kind of bet?

- One year from now...
- Mm-hmm.

- ... one year...
- Mm-hmm.

... you'll have a job that you love,

a career-making job
that you're great at.

And until then, you
take any job you can get.

- And in one year...
- Yeah?

... you own a house.

You can't resist, can
you? You just gotta...

- Oh!
- Mm!

That's a clam on a
half shell right there.

- Get it in there.
- I love you, kid.

But you never stop.

Look at how nice I made the skin there.

Perfect.

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