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Douglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.
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A bit of company on a wet Friday night.
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Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.
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At least, not last time I was at the flickers.
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It's always the eyes.
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That's how you know.
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A glance held just that little bit too long,
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dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.
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After the do, the, um, interview...
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..the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps,
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"chaps like you and the captain, know one another?"
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So I told him.
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Not my words, something somebody said to me once.
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"A certain liquidity of the eye."
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That's how HE knew.
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My eyes are bad, mind you.
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Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate,
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so I was shunted onto hospital work.
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"Cushy", says Sam.
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"That's a charabanc holiday, Perce.
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"You always wanted to see France, didn't you?"
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I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.
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That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying
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and the shocked ones.
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There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.
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Our guns were going hell for leather.
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The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.
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Horrible green.
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Like the air was sick.
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Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.
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And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in,
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the ones that can't walk.
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And they've got these labels on them
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that tell you what's wrong with them.
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Like left luggage.
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Have you ever carried a stretcher?
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Bloody horrible.
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You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.
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Some chaps can get very heavy.
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Those that can walk into the hospital...
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..are covered in mud and salt sweat.
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Caked in it.
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All stiff and cracked, like moving statues,
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like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.
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I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.
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And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.
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Silence.
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Not a moan or a groan.
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They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.
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Smoking, breathing, just about.
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Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do
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and it is a bloody miracle.
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Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready,
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they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking,
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they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.
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I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you?
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"It's like... It's like witchcraft."
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"Sounds about right", he says,
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"since we're in hell."
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But he says it with a smile and when he does that
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there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand.
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"You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me.
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"You've all the tenderness of a woman."
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And he shakes my hand.
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"It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?"
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He says, "Me.
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"My name. Terence Lesley.
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"Do call me Terence.
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"I can't bear all this formal rot."
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But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so,
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"I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same."
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He just smiles again and shrugs.
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And his eyelashes are long.
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Long and blonde.
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I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap,
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but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher...
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..and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.
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Yellow as corn.
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And I must have stared because he grins at me
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and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says,
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"Come along, Perce, stir your stumps."
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But I don't move.
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And just for a bit...
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Well, like I say, held just a...
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just a moment too long.
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Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.
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There you go.
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HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY
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I've always been a skinny bugger, me.
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Thin as a whip, Mother says.
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Father was the same.
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Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me,
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and there was one before us.
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A boy.
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But he died.
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He was called Percy, an' all.
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Poison berries. Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.
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I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book,
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all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.
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And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and...
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..that was that.
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Box, I think, the berries.
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Black, like little bullets.
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Like liquorice sweeties.
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Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.
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Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that,
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along comes I and they call me Percy, too.
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A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid,
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but Mother always said that she could see him in me.
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And she looks so funny when she says that to me...
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..and she looks so sad.
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But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was
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another time she looked at me the same way.
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It was freezing, I remember that.
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We was waiting for a train.
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Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.
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We were to come with and make a day of it.
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I was 15, thereabouts.
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Albert was 12. I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.
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They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.
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Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments
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and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in,"
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so I say to the girl behind the tea stall,
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pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair,
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I ask her to get a shift on.
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She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another
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"quarter of an hour." So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?"
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And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.
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Policemen, at least I think they're policemen,
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but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.
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Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.
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And between them,
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well, a...a prisoner...
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..waiting to be taken away, I suppose.
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And it's not the first time I've seen as such.
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I used to see them a lot, poor bastards,
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shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.
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And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.
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So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.
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So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap,
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sort of like a big bear of a fella.
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With a big slack, pouchy face.
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Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now,
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and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat
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is now shot through with grey.
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And he looks wretched.
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As well he might. There's rain dripping off his hair
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and down the creases in his big face.
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And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.
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And then he looks at me.
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And there it was.
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In that moment...
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..a certain liquidity of the eye.
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And then he looks back down at his boots...
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and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.
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I stand there.
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And I think,
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"He knows me.
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"He knows me for what I am.
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"He can see it in me."
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And I start to shake.
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And it's not from the cold, it's shame.
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And fear and...
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..terror.
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And someone starts laughing.
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And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.
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She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.
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And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man
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as if he were like to eat her up.
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And then I hear it, a name.
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Whispered behind fancy gloves
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and November hands what are stiff with cold.
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"It's him, isn't it?"
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And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says,
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"You all right, Perce?"
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And he's proper worried.
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And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment
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like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up
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to the prisoner on the platform and he...
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He spits in his face.
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And Dad looked shocked.
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And just then, the train comes puffing into the station,
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steam everywhere.
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And I look back to the prisoner,
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but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.
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Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.
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It smells of damp wool and musty, like church,
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and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.
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And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of...
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..snaps me out of it.
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"What was all that fuss about there, Clem?"
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And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his
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Kitchener 'tashe. "You won't believe it," he says.
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"Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison..."
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"Who?" pipes up Albert.
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And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder.
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"Oscar Wilde!" he says.
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And then Mum looks at me.
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Tender, like...
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I've never had the nerve.
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That's the thing, I suppose.
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A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother...
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I could always imagine Mother's face
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if she found out I'd been up to things.
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And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so
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I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.
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Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.
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I kept my own counsel, as they say.
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Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.
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Annie.
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And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.
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We courted for a long while,
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but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.
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I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then,
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what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow,
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I got away with it. A lot of questions, of course.
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Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together
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for the first time. "You married?" "No."
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"You got a girl?" "Well, I used to."
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And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.
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Hot as hell it was.
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Not what you think. People think of all that mud and rain,
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but we was there the live long year
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and sometimes it was hot and parched.
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Fucking flies everywhere.
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Blue and green bellies on them. Fat.
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Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.
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And Captain Leslie comes up to me
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and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says,
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"Come along, Perce, we're going hunting."
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And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies",
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because we're camped on this sort of downland.
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And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.
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I can still taste the dust.
235
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Chalky in your mouth and your hair and...
236
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..on the Dunlop tyres like white paint,
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because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.
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And it was only for a few hours
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but you could forget, you know, for a bit,
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everything that was going on.
241
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And we came to this sort of lake.
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It was a crater hole, I suppose,
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and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.
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And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water
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and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.
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I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.
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And he's brick red from the sunshine,
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but not where his shirt's been,
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so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is...
250
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,399
He's like a ghost.
251
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,559
And after we've swum about,
252
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,200
we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.
253
00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:34,399
You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off
254
00:14:34,399 --> 00:14:36,639
and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies,
255
00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:38,559
so that's all right, and I just...
256
00:14:39,639 --> 00:14:41,840
..lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and...
257
00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:45,000
..his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.
258
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,799
And his hair is golden.
259
00:14:50,159 --> 00:14:52,080
And the line of his jaw is just sort of...
260
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:54,759
..perfect.
261
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:58,320
Like a draughtsman's drawn it.
262
00:14:59,519 --> 00:15:00,960
Like I'd drawn it.
263
00:15:02,919 --> 00:15:06,480
And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.
264
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,320
And all I want to do is bend down and...
265
00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:16,039
And he opens his eyes...
266
00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:18,440
..and squints.
267
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,279
And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.
268
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,200
And he says, "We'd best be getting back."
269
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,600
We all had on us the stench of death.
270
00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:39,320
The bread we ate, the stagnant water,
271
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,000
everything we touched had a rotten smell.
272
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,679
But that day, everything was OK.
273
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,399
It was bright.
274
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:52,559
And it was pure, you see?
275
00:15:56,399 --> 00:15:58,320
And nobody had seen, had they?
276
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,000
I've done my bit.
277
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,320
The officer mentioned that.
278
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,559
Exemplary service.
279
00:16:09,879 --> 00:16:13,000
When he took me aside for a quiet word.
280
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000
And of course, what had Terence and me...
281
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,000
What had the Captain and me...
282
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,000
..got up to?
283
00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:22,759
Sweet FA.
284
00:16:22,759 --> 00:16:25,200
But someone had seen us and...
285
00:16:26,759 --> 00:16:29,799
..they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?"
286
00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:34,440
And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.
287
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,039
And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I?
288
00:16:44,039 --> 00:16:45,919
Because he'd been transferred, too.
289
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:49,360
I was packed onto this carriage...
290
00:16:50,919 --> 00:16:53,559
..sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you
291
00:16:53,559 --> 00:16:56,559
and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch
292
00:16:56,559 --> 00:16:58,519
and then it starts off.
293
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,759
I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes
294
00:17:02,759 --> 00:17:04,160
and drift off.
295
00:17:07,519 --> 00:17:10,160
I don't know how much time has passed, but...
296
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,359
I wake up and it's dark outside.
297
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,920
And the train's pulling into a station
298
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:21,960
and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.
299
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,920
They make everyone look three-parts dead.
300
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,400
And the train pulls into the station
301
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,839
and it's going slow, like, puffing,
302
00:17:30,839 --> 00:17:32,720
like some of them boys in the resus tent.
303
00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:37,599
And then, I do see him.
304
00:17:39,519 --> 00:17:41,880
Terence.
305
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,079
He's out the window, on the platform.
306
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:50,559
Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.
307
00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:52,079
And he's talking to someone.
308
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:54,960
And they must have made him laugh
309
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,880
cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.
310
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,319
But he don't see me.
311
00:17:59,319 --> 00:18:03,119
So I push through the carriage past the other fellas
312
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,400
and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off
313
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,759
and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me,
314
00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:10,200
but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash...
315
00:18:11,599 --> 00:18:13,079
..and the air outside is warm.
316
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,839
And all I want to do is wave.
317
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,359
But, of course, what can I say?
318
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:22,400
Um...
319
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,319
"So long, Captain Leslie?"
320
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:28,359
"So long, Perce."
321
00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:31,599
But then he does see me.
322
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,720
He glances over,
323
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,599
but he's still talking to his pal
324
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:38,960
and just then the train lurches forward.
325
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,319
The brakes go on and the blue lights go out
326
00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:45,720
and just like that, pitch-black.
327
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,200
And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning
328
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,160
and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go,"
329
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,480
but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.
330
00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,880
And the darkness pressing against the window
331
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,119
and my hand gripping the window ledge.
332
00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:06,559
And then someone takes my hand.
333
00:19:09,079 --> 00:19:10,559
Someone outside on the platform.
334
00:19:12,079 --> 00:19:13,119
And it's Terence.
335
00:19:18,319 --> 00:19:20,519
And he takes my hand and he just...
336
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,039
..lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.
337
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,920
There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.
338
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:43,119
There's just his bramble lips
339
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,240
pressed against the tips of my fingers...
340
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,359
..and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.
341
00:19:54,799 --> 00:19:57,240
And then the train lurches forward
342
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,559
and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and...
343
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,960
Outside there's nothing but steam.
344
00:20:10,279 --> 00:20:11,759
Steam and darkness.
27027
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