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.
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[bright tones]
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- In our family, we have
a long tradition
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00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:07,616
of planning
wonderful vacations,
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00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,313
cancelling them the day
our deposit becomes
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00:00:09,357 --> 00:00:10,749
non-refundable,
and leaving the kids
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bitterly disappointed.
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- Is this puberty?
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- I'll be unpacking.
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[both laughing]
- Hey, you guys?
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00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:21,151
So the doctor says Mom has
to be on bed-rest,
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00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,066
so we're not gonna be able
to go to Orlando.
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00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,677
- No, now we'll never meet
the Sorting Hat.
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00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:28,637
- I'll be unpacking
my Quidditch equipment.
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- But all that's
about to change.
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It's happening!
I'm taking the family
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00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,251
on an all-inclusive
fun-filled getaway to--
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00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:36,340
- Uh-uh, you're not
going anywhere.
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00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,168
- What?
- Yeah, read your email.
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00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:40,388
Your "Asako: Warrior Geisha"
game is getting fast-tracked
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for release at Comic-Con.
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- That's right!
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Tristram, tell her
what she's won!
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00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:48,352
- Eight months
of uninterrupted work!
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00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:49,788
That's right!
You'll see such
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00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:52,530
breathtaking scenes
as the conference room
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00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,793
and me alternating
the same two pairs of jeans
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00:00:54,837 --> 00:00:57,274
hoping you don't notice!
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00:00:57,318 --> 00:01:00,451
- Ugh, you guys, why do I have
to be so damn good at my job?
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- Damon says until the work
is finished, all vacations
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00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:05,195
are suspended
unless someone's dead.
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- Yeah, well, someone will be,
'cause my kids
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00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:07,589
are gonna kill me.
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00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,112
- They're not gonna kill you.
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00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,853
No, they'll just
resent you forever
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00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,116
and the pain of that
will kill you.
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- [sighs]
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[upbeat hip hop music]
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♪
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Look at my babies,
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so unaware that I'm about
to drop a guillotine
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on their vacation.
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Hey, guys, listen.
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Um, something happened.
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Look, I am so sorry--
we can't go
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on that vacation right now.
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- No!
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00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:36,879
You guys are having
another baby?
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Come on, control yourselves!
- No, Louie...
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00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:42,145
[sighs]
Lily, honey, I am so sorry.
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00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,104
- "NP."
- Excuse me?
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00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,193
Did you just answer
in two letters?
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00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:47,759
- Yeah.
"No problem."
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00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,545
I kind of wanted to go to
Gemma's karaoke party anyway,
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so "NBD."
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00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,290
- Did you see that?
She wasn't even disappointed.
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00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,161
- Oh, no, she sounded
a little relieved.
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00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,424
- Come on, I thought we had
a lot more time with her
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00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:01,773
before she wanted nothing
to do with us.
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00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,297
- You know what, maybe not.
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00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,734
The other day I saw her
attempt a hair flip.
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00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,518
I mean, when she masters that
we are done.
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00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:10,260
- Why does everything bad
happen to us?
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00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,610
- Auntie Rita is dead.
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00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,612
- Well, leave it to your mom
to one-up our misery.
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00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:15,918
- Poor Rita Auntie.
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00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:18,181
Gone too soon.
Why?
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00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:20,444
- Uh, maybe because she was 98
and dipped tobacco
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00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:21,706
like a relief pitcher.
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00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,752
You know, Rita Auntie
was pretty mean.
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She cursed our wedding.
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Look, Mom, I'm sorry.
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I'm sure there will be
a memorial service.
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00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,498
How long will you be gone?
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00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:32,239
Because we do have
child-care issues.
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00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,675
- You're coming, too.
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Our entire extended family
will be there--
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including my judgmental sister.
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00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,291
- Ugh.
- If Uncle Rajiv can come
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00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,641
from Mumbai, you can take
the short drive
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to the Las Brisas Resort
in Santa Barbara.
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- Okay, look, Mom, my boss
was very firm--
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00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:49,604
wait, did you say
"Santa Barbara?"
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Hold up.
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00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,563
Stella's about to get
her grieve back.
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Oh, God, it just all happened
so fast.
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00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,786
- I'm so sorry.
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00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,962
- I know this is terrible,
but life is short,
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00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:02,443
- You know, I had an aunt die
suddenly once.
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00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:05,402
Staph infection
from a "No Regrets" tattoo.
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00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,361
Boy was that tattoo wrong,
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00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:09,667
because she certainly had
one regret.
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00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,365
- That's sad.
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00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:14,237
Anyway, listen, I know this is
just such horrible timing,
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00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,457
and this "Asako" project
means so much to me--
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- Oh, Emet, say no more.
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00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:20,330
Go to the memorial.
Be with your family.
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00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,245
Heck, maybe your Aunt Rita
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00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,942
will find my Aunt Tiff
up there, huh?
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00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:25,553
- Yeah.
- I bet she's still in
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00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,337
the crop-top she died in.
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00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,557
- [coughs]
Umm-kay.
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[upbeat music]
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Repack your bags, playa,
'cause the family vacay
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00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,476
is back on!
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00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:36,868
At Rita Auntie's memorial.
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Hmm?
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00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,655
- We're so sorry
about your aunt.
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00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:41,873
You know, let us know
if there's anything
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00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,658
we can do to help.
- Oh, thank you.
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00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:44,789
Actually, there is.
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00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,878
Um, could you just house-sit?
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00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:50,447
I forgot to arrange anything
because I've been so bereft.
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00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,406
- Sweetie, does this wetsuit
leave too little
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00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,364
to the imagination?
I'm feeling really squished--
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00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:55,713
- A wetsuit?
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00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,368
Oh, my God, are you using
this lady's death
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00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,978
as a family vacation?
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00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,719
- So long, suckas.
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00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,373
- Sweetie,
is what we're doing okay?
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00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:05,462
'Cause it does feel
a little bit wrong.
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00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:08,465
- Honey, it's a lot wrong,
but the kids are so excited--
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00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:11,381
even Lily--so let's just
enjoy this.
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00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,383
I mean, I want to get in
as much preteen
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00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:15,777
Mommy-daughter time as I can
before it's too late.
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00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,909
- Okay, but can we risk them
finding out this is a memorial?
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00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:19,563
Louie's so afraid of death
we have to tell him
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00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,261
that cemeteries are rock farms.
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00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:22,958
- Yeah, I know, but that's why
we're not telling them.
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00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,916
Oh, come on, we can hide this.
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00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,440
They're kids, they're stupid.
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00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:27,963
Also, did I mention
that Rita Auntie's family
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00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,617
is paying for the hotel rooms?
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00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,358
- Interesting.
So what you're saying
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00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,751
is it would be rude to not go.
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00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:35,405
- That is exactly
what I'm saying.
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00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:36,798
And you know, if there's
one thing Rita Auntie hated
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00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,016
it was rudeness.
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00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:39,583
And interracial marriage.
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00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,977
So, screw her.
Let's do it.
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00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:44,371
.
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00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:47,374
- Mom, you were right.
This place is awesome.
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00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,637
- See?
- I'm making our itinerary.
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00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,596
Tea room, candy shop,
and then we're gonna top it off
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00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,945
with spa treatments.
146
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,382
- We gonna get turnt!
147
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:57,471
- Mom, you always use
"turnt" wrong.
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00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:58,950
- Nuh-uh.
149
00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:00,691
Halfway through our massages
we gonna get turnt.
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00:05:00,735 --> 00:05:02,519
- Come on, Lily, let's go
check out the hotel's policy
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00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,521
on cannonballs.
I'm not leaving without
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00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:07,350
dropping a big one.
153
00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,831
- Oh, honey, Lily's holding
Louie's hand.
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00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:11,920
See, if we hadn't
done this trip, we would have
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00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:14,357
missed out on those last
childhood moments.
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00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:15,576
- Hey, you want to go
to the room and use
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00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,229
all the towels?
158
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:18,361
Throw them on the floor
for housekeeping?
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00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,842
- Oh, no laundry.
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00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:22,974
- Oh, break it up, perverts.
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00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,236
A woman is dead.
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00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,195
Here's your memorial itinerary.
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00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:29,503
Today there is a slide show,
poetry reading,
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00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,853
balloon release,
and candle-lighting.
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00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,724
- Wait, we have to go
to all of this?
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00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:36,292
- Yes.
We will be under the watchful
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00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,381
cataract-ridden eye
of my sister.
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00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:39,904
- Damn it.
- Well, at least the kids
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00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,515
can enjoy the balloon release.
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00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:42,951
- No, they cannot.
We are not telling them
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00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,735
anyone died, especially Louie.
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00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,563
- Oh.
You know, I found out
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00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,826
about death when I was
a lot younger than Louie.
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00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:50,959
I was playing hide and seek
with my cousin.
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00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:54,658
I seeked and I found
a dead body.
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00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:56,704
Okey-dokey, I'm gonna get
some lobby coffee.
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00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,358
- Okay.
- This memorial's
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00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,620
a real bummer.
- Yeah.
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00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,404
- What do you think
you are here for?
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00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,537
Fun?
- Uh, no.
181
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,539
No, of course not.
- Here's your luggage, folks.
182
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:07,279
- Here's your luggage, folks.
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00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,542
And, sir, we found your
inflatable saxophone.
184
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,458
- What?
That is not our luggage.
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00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:12,720
- How dare you, sir?
186
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,809
A woman is dead!
187
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,811
- All right, Norman--
okay, you water the plants.
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00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,987
Chewey, check on
the sprinklers.
189
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,946
I'm gonna scrounge around,
see if I can find some secrets.
190
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:25,733
- I love the flow
of this kitchen.
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00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:27,343
You know, the zen-ergy.
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00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,910
I have an idea.
193
00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:30,825
- We Airbnb this place
and use the cash
194
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,479
to finally track down my father
195
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,437
and confront him
once and for all.
196
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,440
- No, Chewey--and please call
that therapist I recommended.
197
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,617
I think I should cook up some
of my killer lobster risotto.
198
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,489
You guys are like family to me
but we've never had
199
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:43,968
a real sit-down dinner
together.
200
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,406
- Whatever, I'll eat.
Could we watch some TV first?
201
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,495
- Fine.
One show before dinner.
202
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:49,931
- Yes.
- One!
203
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,498
And nothing that's gonna
rile you up too much!
204
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:52,847
- Get back!
I'm on first!
205
00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:54,457
- You either share
or no one sits!
206
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,328
- Mom, I don't mean
to be a control freak,
207
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,374
but the sign to the pool
is pointing that way.
208
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,637
- Yeah, listen, um,
about that--
209
00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:03,510
Mommy and Daddy just need
to do some grown-up stuff
210
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:05,903
so we just need you guys
to hang out at the kids' club.
211
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,035
- Mom, remember?
212
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,602
We're supposed to go
to the spa!
213
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,473
- I know, honey,
and we will, okay?
214
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,519
We just need--what--
20 minutes tops, okay?
215
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,434
- [sighs]
- Okay, let's go.
216
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,348
Get 'em!
- So much fun!
217
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,481
- If she's even one minute late
I'm gonna start
218
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,614
calling her "Emet"
instead of "Mom."
219
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:23,791
♪
220
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:26,010
[somber music playing
over speakers]
221
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:28,448
- [sighs]
Y'all ready to grieve?
222
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,972
No, but seriously,
this is, like, a really bummer
223
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,495
of a situation.
224
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:35,324
I'd like to remember
Rita Auntie by listing
225
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,805
50 things I loved about her.
226
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,328
Number one...
- Oh, my God.
227
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:40,590
- Her smile.
228
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,026
You can barely even tell
it's there.
229
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:44,420
- Okay, we're trapped.
- I know we are.
230
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,726
- [grunting]
- [sighs]
231
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,684
My mom's keeping an eye on me.
232
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:50,600
And her sister, Rani Auntie,
she's keeping an eye on her.
233
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,603
They're like a couple of old,
judgmental Indian hawks.
234
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:56,650
Meanwhile, I'm losing out
on precious time with Lily.
235
00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:59,087
- Number four, the fact
that she had
236
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:01,002
quarter-inch thick toenails,
237
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,960
but did not give an "F."
238
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:04,962
- [gasps]
She's getting a tissue.
239
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,660
My mom's eyes are blurry
with tears.
240
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,618
Now's the time.
Let's ditch her.
241
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,925
- That's not to say she didn't
like life, but...
242
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:12,535
I guess we'll never know.
243
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:13,971
Emet, David!
244
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:17,061
You must want to pay tribute
to Rita Auntie.
245
00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:18,846
Come on up here.
246
00:08:18,889 --> 00:08:21,979
[lighthearted music]
247
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,852
- I can't believe Mom
tricked me into thinking
248
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:26,375
this trip would be fun.
249
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,551
We have to bust out
of here somehow
250
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,988
but that guy's guarding
the door.
251
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,381
- I have an idea.
252
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,470
Follow my lead.
253
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,428
♪
254
00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:39,562
This is gonna hurt me
a lot more than it hurts you.
255
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,868
♪
256
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,696
Poop in the pit!
Poop in the pit!
257
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,088
Poop in the pit!
258
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,526
[children chattering]
259
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:49,050
♪
260
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:51,400
- Rita Auntie.
261
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:52,967
What to say.
262
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:55,404
She was...
263
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:56,884
a woman...
- Mm.
264
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,582
- Who lived.
265
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,584
Now she's gone.
266
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,064
Help me.
[clears throat]
267
00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:05,501
Uh, I think David
would really like
268
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,895
to say something.
[clears throat]
269
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:14,205
- [off-key]
♪ Somewhere
270
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,947
♪ Out there
271
00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:21,909
♪ Beneath the pale moonlight
272
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,869
both: ♪ Someone's
273
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,742
♪ Thinking of me
274
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,440
- Louie, that was brilliant.
275
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:34,574
What would we have done if
you didn't have that candy bar?
276
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:35,705
- Honey, don't go
snooping around
277
00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:37,054
where you don't want answers.
278
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,230
- Hey, look,
they're wearing white.
279
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,624
That's the Indian
funeral color.
280
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,845
Hey, isn't that one
of Mom's old aunts?
281
00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,629
"Memorial"?
282
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,152
That means "dead."
283
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:50,677
both: ♪ Sleeping underneath
284
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,941
♪ The same big
285
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:56,160
- [bleep]
286
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:59,250
And just like Rita Auntie,
our vacation is now dead.
287
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:01,513
.
288
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:04,516
- You brought us
on a death vacation?
289
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,779
- Okay, we have
a good explanation--
290
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,432
- Wait a minute.
291
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:08,738
Is there a dead woman
in this building?
292
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:09,826
both: No.
- Uh-uh, baby.
293
00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:11,349
- No.
- Then was does
294
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:12,699
"spread the beloved's ashes"
mean?
295
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,657
- It means they burned her.
296
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:17,355
They put her in a little bowl
and they're going to toss her.
297
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,967
- [gasping]
Nope, that's it.
298
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,577
You've ruined vacation!
299
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,666
Now whenever I think
of canonballs, I'm gonna
300
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,625
picture a dead lady in a bowl!
301
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,670
If you need me, I'm gonna be
in the ball pit
302
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:28,889
fishing out my candy bar.
303
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,586
- Aww, honey, that's not
a great--
304
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,328
- I can't believe I'm missing
Gemma's party,
305
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:36,461
and I'm not even getting
to spend time with you.
306
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,987
See you later, Emet.
307
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,945
- "Emet"?
Oh, my God, and that hair flip
308
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,425
was flawless.
- Yeah.
309
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:44,513
- What the hell
were you thinking
310
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:45,862
with that singing?
311
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,472
Rita Auntie must be
turning over in her urn.
312
00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:48,735
- Yeah, can you yell
at us later?
313
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:50,345
Louie is freaking out
about death.
314
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:51,607
I have to get him through this.
- Yeah.
315
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,739
- Oh, I--I'll come, too.
316
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,131
I like a good train wreck.
317
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:55,785
Except for the one
that killed my uncle.
318
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:57,526
- All right, come on, Jake.
319
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,702
Let's find you a nice auntie
for you to hang out with.
320
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,791
- Okay, Mom, I gotta go
find Lily and salvage
321
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,445
what's left of this vaca--
[stammers]
322
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,665
Vacancy in my heart.
- I knew it.
323
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:08,842
You thought you could pull
the wool over my ass, huh?
324
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,713
- "Eyes," Mom.
- Whatever.
325
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:14,369
I know that you're using
this memorial as a vacation,
326
00:11:14,412 --> 00:11:17,546
so now your ass is grass.
327
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:20,114
Did I use it right that time?
328
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,420
- Yes.
329
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:24,858
- Hey, Norman,
what do you think?
330
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,643
- I think you both might have
adult ADHD.
331
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,514
- [roaring]
332
00:11:29,558 --> 00:11:31,778
- Hey, listen, I'm gonna run
to the store for some wine.
333
00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:33,780
When the egg timer goes off,
I need you two
334
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,695
to stir the risotto.
335
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:36,913
Got it?
336
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,132
- Okay, relax,
Barefoot Contessa.
337
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,829
We got it.
- [sighs]
338
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,178
So what should we do next?
339
00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:42,745
[egg timer ringing]
340
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,529
What's that annoying noise?
- I dunno.
341
00:11:44,573 --> 00:11:46,401
Hey, wanna take this guy
outside and find a squirrel?
342
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:48,055
- Yeah!
- Bad boy coming out!
343
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:50,971
- Be careful with it.
- I'm fine with it, watch.
344
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:53,887
[mellow music]
345
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:56,106
- Hey, big guy.
Can I join you?
346
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,804
Oh.
347
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,109
- I'm not gonna lie,
I'm having
348
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:01,416
an existential Christmas
right now.
349
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:03,897
I mean, when you die
they just squish you
350
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,637
into an urn?
351
00:12:05,681 --> 00:12:07,117
- Yeah.
[sighs]
352
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,076
Well, this is a major
life moment.
353
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:10,730
Uh...
354
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:11,861
oh, good, a musical instrument.
355
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,907
Um, look at this big guy.
356
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:14,908
[bouncy demo tune playing]
357
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,823
Yeah.
358
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:19,651
♪ Death happens to everyone
359
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:21,436
♪ You may be old
360
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:23,090
♪ You may be
361
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:24,482
Nope.
362
00:12:24,526 --> 00:12:26,920
Sorry.
[stammers]
363
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:29,096
♪ There's no exception,
I won't lie ♪
364
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,620
♪ Everyone in this room
365
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:35,798
♪ Will someday die
366
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,452
No.
367
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:38,845
[chipper demo tune]
368
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,499
♪ Oh, death got you
like irie ♪
369
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,153
That's just not
the right death beat.
370
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,720
- [sighs]
What's the point
371
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,114
of doing anything
if at any moment you, me,
372
00:12:47,157 --> 00:12:50,726
or anyone I love
could just be gone?
373
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,859
- Tell you what
the point is, Lou.
374
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,251
Turn--turn around.
Look at this ball pit.
375
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:56,123
Really look at it.
376
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,995
If you were to dwell
on all the terrible,
377
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:01,606
disgusting things
in that ball pit,
378
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:02,999
you'd never jump in.
379
00:13:03,043 --> 00:13:04,261
And if you never jump in
you're gonna miss out
380
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:06,960
on something fun and beautiful.
381
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,136
- [clears throat]
Your dad's right.
382
00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:11,181
You enjoy the ball pit of life.
383
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,967
Whenever you get the chance,
jump in.
384
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,925
- I think I understand.
- Yeah?
385
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,187
- Yeah.
Thanks, Dad.
386
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:18,710
Thanks, Grandpa.
- [sighs]
387
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:20,669
[laughs]
- I feel better.
388
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,192
Now can I go in the ball pit?
- What, are you kidding?
389
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,759
No, it's disgusting.
390
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,500
Let's get out of here.
391
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:27,981
- How could you be so selfish
that you'd risk
392
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,548
embarrassing us in front
of our whole family?
393
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:31,985
- You want to know
the truth, Mom?
394
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,944
Lily's growing up so fast.
395
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,033
I just felt like this was
the last family vacation
396
00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:40,515
I get with that little girl
who thinks I'm the greatest.
397
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:41,733
- Aww.
398
00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:43,126
I don't blame you.
399
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,868
Pretty soon she'll be
a busy career girl
400
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,958
and she won't want
to hang out with you at all.
401
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,569
- Wait, you really think that's
how I feel about you?
402
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:53,702
- Why, all these
memorial events remind me
403
00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:56,792
that someday I'll be gone,
and I want to have
404
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,794
a little time
with my daughter, too.
405
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,709
Maybe that's really why
I wanted you
406
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,624
to come here with me.
407
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:04,147
- That's actually very sweet.
408
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:05,932
- Oh, calm down, Bette Midler.
409
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,324
This isn't "Beaches."
410
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,892
- Look, Mom, I want time
with you, too.
411
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:12,155
So how about you help me pull
the wool over everyone's ass
412
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:14,897
so we can have a fun
family vacation?
413
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,899
- Okay.
I'm in, man.
414
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,684
But my sister can't find out
what we are up to
415
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,295
or I'll never hear
the end of it.
416
00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:25,038
You don't know what it's like
to be constantly criticized.
417
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,083
- Okay, I'm gonna let
that one slide.
418
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:28,563
A woman is dead.
419
00:14:28,606 --> 00:14:30,695
Let's find Lily.
- I'm right here.
420
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:33,089
I realized I can't get far
on only five
421
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,222
Kid's Club dollars.
- Yeah.
422
00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:36,876
Tell you what?
423
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,703
I've got adult dollars,
and we're gonna make this
424
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:41,315
the best vacation ever.
425
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:43,012
Well, since I had kids.
426
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,927
The ones before were epic.
427
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,364
- There you are, slowpokes.
428
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:49,149
Hurry, you're gonna miss
the shuttle.
429
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:52,021
The driver's schedule
is as tight as his ass.
430
00:14:52,065 --> 00:14:53,022
Yum.
[laughs]
431
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,850
Oh, hey, Lily.
432
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,678
- We're never getting
that vacation, are we?
433
00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:59,768
- Not with my irritating family
stuck to our butts.
434
00:14:59,811 --> 00:15:01,944
- Hey, you guys,
I know somebody
435
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,250
who can get us out of this.
436
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,599
Come on.
437
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,818
[egg timer ringing]
438
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,951
- Oh, my God!
439
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:12,259
♪
440
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,304
both: Surprise!
441
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,741
- Oh, that's what
that noise was.
442
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:18,004
- What?
- I asked you guys
443
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,744
to do one thing--
stir the risotto--
444
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,268
and you didn't do it!
445
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:23,357
All I wanted for tonight was
a nice meal with my friends!
446
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,880
- Whatever, man.
447
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,795
We'll just get some
Subway footlongs.
448
00:15:26,838 --> 00:15:28,101
Spicy Italian on a honey wheat?
449
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,798
That's America's risotto.
450
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,234
- You know, this has been
our dynamic for years.
451
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:33,976
You two do dumb crap
without any consideration
452
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,673
for me or my effort.
453
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:36,979
I'm sick of it!
454
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:39,025
- [mock gasp]
- Oh, no, Mummy's mad.
455
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:41,244
No, we've spoiled Mummy's
special dinner.
456
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,290
- Mommy is mad,
and Mommy's also stronger
457
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,292
than both of you combined!
458
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,207
- [babbling]
459
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,861
- Screw this!
460
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,647
- Oh, hey, hi!
461
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:54,040
- You're here.
462
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,216
Okay, so it's just
a short bus ride
463
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:58,000
followed by a long hike.
464
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,133
And David, just a heads-up,
I'm gonna need you
465
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:01,743
to piggyback an auntie.
466
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,223
- Oh, looking forward to that.
467
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,702
Louie, I don't know
what your plan is.
468
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,139
It better work.
- It will work.
469
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,358
Mom, hand me that yogurt
you keep in your purse
470
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,751
for Jake.
- What?
471
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,448
Is now really the time
for a snack?
472
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,146
- Let the man work.
- [sighs]
473
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:16,192
Okay.
474
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,238
- [groans]
475
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:20,240
all: Oh!
476
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,937
[all groaning]
477
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,112
- Oh, I--I'm sorry.
478
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,853
I--I'm so sorry.
479
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:26,159
- I should have probably
checked with Louie
480
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,464
about what his plan was.
481
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,032
Oh, honey, are you okay?
482
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:31,860
Oh, guys, I'm sorry.
483
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,688
Louie's sick.
I think we're gonna have
484
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:34,994
to sit this one out.
485
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:37,431
- I think you should.
[weak laugh]
486
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:39,128
Kids are gross.
487
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:41,739
- Booyah, suckers.
You been Yo-Played.
488
00:16:41,783 --> 00:16:43,785
See ya.
489
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:46,483
.
490
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,920
- And just like that,
Louie had fake-barfed life
491
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:50,400
back into our trip.
492
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:52,446
When I say "vacay"
you say "tion"!
493
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:53,664
Vacay!
all: "Tion"!
494
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:55,014
- Vacay!
all: "Tion"!
495
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,798
[all cheering]
496
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:59,453
- Get in that pool!
- Oh, no.
497
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:03,413
- When I say "humilia"
you say "tion."
498
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:06,025
- I--I thought you guys
were on the shuttle.
499
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,722
- Change of plans.
500
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:10,290
There was a severe
weather warning at the bluffs.
501
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,683
But the hotel was nice enough
to close down the pool
502
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:14,729
for our candle ceremony.
503
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:16,513
Wait, I thought Louie was sick?
504
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,298
Why are y'all in swimsuits?
505
00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:19,864
- No!
The pool is closed?
506
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,823
I hate this vacation!
507
00:17:21,866 --> 00:17:23,825
- No, no, no, Louie, Louie!
- "Vacation"?
508
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:26,958
You dirt people are using
this memorial as a vacation?
509
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:29,396
- Uh, no, of course not.
510
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:31,398
No, no, no.
What he meant was--
511
00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:33,835
- Dad, Grandpa,
this is for you.
512
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,619
I'm living "la vida Louie."
513
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:39,232
Canonball!
514
00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:41,451
[all gasp]
515
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:44,411
[funky pop music]
516
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:46,282
- Okay, okay, look.
517
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:49,938
I can see where some
might find that canonball...
518
00:17:49,981 --> 00:17:52,332
disrespectful, but--
but it wasn't.
519
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,464
Because...
520
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,597
it's a tribute to Rita Auntie.
521
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,425
Yeah.
And to her whole life,
522
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:00,601
and to our lives!
523
00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:03,691
Because...
[sighs]
524
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,519
there's never enough time.
525
00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:08,783
There's never enough moments
to enjoy the people
526
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:10,524
that we love.
527
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,743
And I know that you all feel
the same way
528
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,832
'cause our kids are growing up.
529
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:17,705
And our--and our parents
are getting older,
530
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:20,316
and I still haven't read
"Gone Girl" so...
531
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,448
[sighs]
Come on.
532
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:22,623
You know, we're here.
533
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,451
We're alive!
534
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:25,800
There's a pool!
535
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,498
So let's all make a memory...
536
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,457
so incredible...
537
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,634
we stop time, baby!
538
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:34,896
Canonball!
539
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:37,681
- Emet!
- [hollering]
540
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,988
[all gasp]
541
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,338
[mellow music]
542
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:45,298
Whoo!
[laughing]
543
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:46,473
[music stops]
544
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:48,301
All right, I...
[clears throat]
545
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:49,998
Kind of expected everyone
to just follow me
546
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:51,739
into the pool
"Braveheart" style.
547
00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,306
- Yeah, I knew they weren't
with you, but you had
548
00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,829
a lot of momentum going, so...
549
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:57,136
- Raise hands, those who'd
like a towel.
550
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,007
♪
551
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:00,748
- [sighs]
Leave me alone.
552
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:02,445
I just want to sleep.
- Just look, open your eyes.
553
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:04,839
- Okay, but we thought about
what you said, and we have
554
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:06,014
something we want to show you.
555
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,625
Ta-da!
We made dinner.
556
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,975
- You guys did this for me?
- Yeah!
557
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:12,716
- Look, man, the truth is,
we never realized
558
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,937
that all this time
during our friendship that, uh,
559
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,026
you could totally beat the crap
out of both of us.
560
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:19,419
- And yet, you didn't.
561
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:21,160
Even when we really
deserved it.
562
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:22,639
- You're right.
563
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:23,988
You really did deserve it.
564
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:25,468
[growls]
- Mommy!
565
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:26,904
- Just kidding.
566
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,950
Thank you.
- Yeah, come on.
567
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:30,691
- Hey, not to be all mushy
or whatever,
568
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,432
but, uh, this is nice.
569
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,129
- Hey, remember back in the day
when we contemplated
570
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,391
being roomies?
571
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:36,871
- Oh, should we do it?
I'm in.
572
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:38,873
- I'm in, too!
- Well, uh, neither of you
573
00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:41,397
have flushed the toilet
since we've been here, so pass.
574
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:42,877
- Eh, that's a valid point.
575
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,966
- I'll flush the toilet.
- I'll flush your toilet.
576
00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:46,402
[all laughing]
577
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:49,405
- Harmless gag.
[all laughing]
578
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,711
♪
579
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:52,016
[all chattering]
580
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,149
[all laughing, chattering]
581
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,760
- Hey, Lil, listen--
I know this wasn't
582
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,415
the vacation I promised, or...
583
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:00,895
even a vacation.
584
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,592
I just wanted to get away
with you before
585
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:03,593
it was too late.
586
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:04,855
- What do you mean?
587
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,988
- You know, people are always
588
00:20:07,031 --> 00:20:08,642
saying things like,
"Once your daughter's
589
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:10,557
a teenager, she won't
like you anymore."
590
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,950
- Mom, that's crazy.
I love you.
591
00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:15,214
And why do you listen
to people who tell you
592
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:16,737
bad things are gonna happen?
593
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,086
- I don't know.
594
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:20,871
I'm dumb.
- Yeah.
595
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:22,917
- There's grief in watching
your child grow up--
596
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,615
a sadness in saying goodbye
to who she was--
597
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,748
but there's also a joy
as you meet the person
598
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:30,054
she's becoming,
and that person's
599
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,795
pretty wonderful.
600
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,101
[clears throat]
But she needs to stop
601
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:34,668
stealing my fries.
Yeah.
602
00:20:34,711 --> 00:20:36,147
[message notification]
603
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,671
- Good news!
604
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:40,804
My sister says
we are no longer welcome
605
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:43,198
at any more memorial events.
606
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,114
[all cheering]
607
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,246
- No, no, no!
608
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:49,117
That means we've been shunned!
609
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,119
When I say "vacay"
you say "shunned."
610
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,729
Vacay!
all: "Shunned!"
611
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,122
- Vacay!
all: "Shunned!"
612
00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:56,429
- Vacay!
all: "Shunned!"
613
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:58,953
- I wish I could freeze
this moment in time,
614
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:01,129
or at least slow it down.
615
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,913
But I can't.
616
00:21:02,957 --> 00:21:05,829
All I can do is enjoy it
before it fades away.
617
00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:07,048
- Hey, everybody.
618
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:09,137
Back by popular demand...
- Oh, no.
619
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:10,704
- Cannonball!
620
00:21:10,747 --> 00:21:14,664
[all shouting]
621
00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,710
- Eww.
- Oh!
622
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,015
- Louie already made a mess!
623
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:20,235
[all chattering, laughing]
624
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,151
- Yeah, I can't wait
for them to move out.
41715
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