Original subtitles

Who will be first?

Heleen, quicker, quicker. You're behind.

Emile, you're behind. Faster, Emile.

I'm first.

We're there.

Come on, help me.

Here.

Mom, come and help us.

Coming.

Heleen, hey. You're back.

Eggcakes? -Yes.

Turn this.

Yes, there.

You better go now, Heleen.

Sex is just like eating a sandwich.

No, Quinta, it's not like that. Fuck off.

What's the matter now, Clemens? -I'm tired of this bullshit.

What is it? The dick goes in the cunt, right?

You know all about it, don't you?

They had a fight.

I know.

Is sex really the same as eating a sandwich?

Shut up, I want to sleep.

Mom...

He said that he can't take it anymore, because I...

While he, while I was laying in the hospital with a hernia,

... he was with the babysitter...

With Pia?

And with Els in the bath.

And then he gave me that fucking vibrator.

You're the only ones I still have.

Emile.

You can always call me, you know.

Bye, father.

Bye. Let's go.

No, don't do it, Han. -Don't do what?

"SEX IS JUST LIKE EATING A SANDWICH"

What an idiot.

You need to get undressed, silly.

Really?

Look out!

I'll wet you.

Stop! No!

Are you staring at me?

Hello.

You can loan it. It's good.

Better than "Burning Love"?

Much better.

Goddamn it, what an ugly guy.

He looks like that German teacher.

I'm sure he also has bad breath.

Damn it.

Don't you like to kiss?

You?

I need to go home.

Don't forget it.

Bye.

I'm glad to get rid of it. I never liked it.

Who buys a purple couch? Who?

Enjoy with that Ilona.

Emile, don't behave like a maniac.

Emile.

Emile.

And another one. -It's almost falling.

OK, another one.

Don't fall down. -No...

You're OK? -Yeah.

Hello. -Hello.

Is there something wrong? -No.

Let me help you. -No.

Goodbye, Axel. -Bye.

I'm going to get another crate.

There she is.

OK. Bye.

I made a new bookshelf, together with Heleen.

We put the books inside, and she thought of the shelves.

I drew many flowers, and she did the family and the mirror.

It's really beautiful.

Very very nice.

I'm really proud of those shelves.

And the drawers, and I had books in the back...

but now there are real books there.

Heleen.

This is a friend of mine.

I'm Steve.

It's nice to meet you, Heleen.

Hello, Heleen.

Do you see something new about me?

In! -No!

Do you see something new about me?

I have a boyfriend.

You should also look for one. Then you won't need to kiss girls.

I also have a boyfriend.

No way. -Yes.

Who is it, then?

Who is it, then?

Keep your hands to yourself, lesbo.

Hi, Heleen.

This is Ilona. You know her, right?

Yes. Hello, I'm Ilona. How are you?

I need to...

Meet Herman downstairs. I'm be right there. -Goodbye.

I'll come in a moment, OK? -Yes. Bye.

Hey, love.

Where's that from? -I found it.

Come on, put it away.

You bought that thing for mom.

It's just crazy that she tells you everything about our love life.

It's crazy.

Stop it.

This is from your hernia, right?

Did they cut you open completely? -Yes.

This is from the swimming pool. -Yes.

You were 10 years old.

And what happened in that car accident?

Dad was driving.

And I wanted a cigarette. -And he didn't want to give it to you.

No, and then I wanted to take one myself, so I leaned over him...

...and somehow he made a very strange movement

...and kaboom, boom, we crashed.

You like that story, don't you?

I want to introduce you to someone.

Do you know Onno?

Onno and I are in love.

This is my daughter.

Hello, Heleen.

Emile, stop it...

Mom.

Mom.

Sorry.

Hey, beauty.

Wear something next time.

Onno doesn't like this very much.

We're going. Bye.

Bye, Emile. I'll be right back.

Does it frighten you?

Your big tits? sure. -Idiot.

Stan told a lot about you.

Stan?

I changed my name.

Stan says you're the secret key to his soul.

I don't think so.

But you are his oldest friend, aren't you?

I don't have any friends.

Let's go. I already have all your stuff.

Heleen, are you coming with us?

We're going to sail in a canoe. -No, you go on.

But you are staying here, right? Don't do any crazy things.

No.

Are you going already? You want to play with me? Come on.

One, two... three!

You may. -Thank you, sir.

Everything is OK at the office? -At the office?

Or do you want to call mother? -No.

No? I'm sure she misses you.

She has Onno. -Onno?

Yes, that Onno Berger. -Onno Berger, that old guy?

Who is the nicest in all the world? -I am.

Let's see how reaches the tent first!

Throw it high. -OK.

No, with a curve. -You and your curves.

Then you can hit it back better.

Good evening, Heleen. See you tomorrow?

Come on, come on.

I don't feel like it anymore.

Heleen...

Hey... -Can't fall asleep?

No.

Do you miss Mother?

We were so much in love.

A love that consumes all.

I love you.

Let's go.

Heleen, I love you.

See you. -Bye.

Have a nice trip.

For you.

Goodbye. -Goodbye, Bernard.

Ready? -Yes.

You should write him soon.

Aren't you in love anymore?

Bernard has such nice eyes.

He just has eyes. Like all the young Frenchmen, idiot.

Heleen, is this your new boyfriend?

I thought you had a vacation-boyfriend. -I was lesbian, weren't I?

I don't believe it at all. You don't have any boyfriend.

They're really transparent. Very nice.

Look what we received from Onno.

Look, they're kissing.

You need to be very careful with them, Emile.

Why is that?

What's so wonderful about seahorses?

Because they are very delicate animals.

How many are there? -Four. Look.

Look at that. -Are those the eggs?

No, they are stones.

Did you cheat on Onno?

Just like with Father. You cheated on him as well.

Child, what the hell are you doing?

Heleen, sexuality is something very personal, very private.

But it is my mother. -Go to do something nice.

You just sit there on your own. Go to Natascha or to Axel.

I don't want to. -Then what do you want?!

I want to know if you cheated on Onno.

Look...

Look, it's hiding...

I hate football.

Stan is just trying to impress you, you know.

It's love.

Love is just a waste of time.

No, sex is a waste of time.

Hey, man.

You deserve a nice joint.

You want a puff? -No.

She's too young for all that.

Axel, come on. -Wait a second, I'll be right there.

Easy, easy. You alright? You OK?

Breath in...

...breath out.

Again.

Breath in, and out.

Emile!

You OK? -Yes.

Why is he crying? -I don't know.

I'm going home.

Come on, Heleen, show him some compassion.

I bought it for you.

They have a puppy.

Hello, guys. We have a dog.

Look, it's dad's new house.

Look what I brought.

Nice.

You like that? -Yes.

Here are the plates. -Do you have a knife?

Of course. Do you like it?

No.

She loves it.

Are you sure you don't want any? -I said I didn't.

It's really very good.

It's tasty. -Look...

Do you love Ilona?

Love...

She's really nice. -Nice enough to go to bed with?

Is she nice enough?

Am I nice enough?

Niceness is not all that matters. -What else matters, then?

Both people should want to do it.

So you don't need to be in love in order to sleep with someone.

And the positions? What kind of positions do you do if you're not in love?

Up and down or front to back?

It's much nicer to fuck someone if you love one another.

So why do you do it with Ilona?

Sorry...

No, come in.

He doesn't love you.

Hello, darling. How was it?

Nice. I went with dad to the zoo

and then I went to the beach. -To the zoo?

There were a lot of hippopotamuses in the zoo.

And dad taught me to swim.

Really, he taught you to swim?

What a tasty wine.

I don't like it very much.

Should you put this in the fondue as well? -No, in the soup.

You're drunk.

Onno...

Onno...

Mom, look. -The food is almost ready. What is it?

Onno, one of them is not well.

One is not well? Let me see.

How are you? -One of the seahorses just died.

How awful. Did you like it?

Its name was Bernard.

Hey, Axel.

We have seahorses. -Yes, I heard.

Heleen, show them to him.

It was delicious, Onno. -Thank you.

I still have some stuff.

I have some with me.

The perfect son-in-law.

Emile, you ate all of your ice cream. Come, go to bed.

I'll come in a moment to give you a kiss. -It's Kashmir, from Steve.

When are you going to smoke some?

You will be relaxed and have a good night's sleep. It's good for you.

You become stupid from smoking too much.

I'm so happy that dad doesn't smoke.

But he was stoned once...

He crawled on the ground...

and crawled...

In total panic. -How absurd.

In that time I couldn't laugh about it, I thought I needed to save my marriage.

How stupid.

We are also married. Do you remember?

Do you remember?

No. -Yes. I have a nice photo.

I saw it recently.

Heleen had a piece of a curtain on her head.

How could you forget your own wedding. I found it.

Look. -We even kissed.

It's one thing to forget your wedding, but to forget your first kiss...

It doesn't matter. -Yes it does.

Give Axel a kiss to make it up to him. -Kiss! Kiss!

It doesn't matter. I don't mind. -Yes it does. Come on.

Do it.

I'm going to bed.

Heleen, pack your bags.

I'm not going.

Why not?

What happened?

Let me take that black bag.

Where's Heleen?

She doesn't feel like it.

Enjoy. Bye.

Heleen, listen. You are old enough to make your own decisions...

but have the decency to tell Clemens that you don't want to come.

You need to learn to take responsibility for your decisions.

Onno and I are already two months together. That's a long time.

Do you have the old calendars? -No.

It's so nice that you're here.

Hi, love.

How is it?

Is everyone going to Maastricht? -Yes.

Are you going to stay with me this weekend?

I want to stay with the seahorses.

Did something happen?

Did mother tell you something again? -No.

Axel!

Steve!

Take a good look, my friends.

In two weeks, this will all be gone.

Destroyed.

Flat. -And then what?

The princess is bored and cold. -I'm not bored.

My mother says sex is like eating a sandwich.

Sex should be like a voyage to the sublime.

Not like eating a sandwich. -Sublime?

Without true love, no sublime.

Cool, right? -Yes.

Cool.

"Sex is a voyage to the sublime."

"Without true love no sublime"...

Where did you hear that?

I read it somewhere.

True love...

Did you want to tell me something?

Listen, love. Your father is going to London for a couple of months...

and he asked if you want to visit him on New-Year's.

I'm so sad.

Terribly sad.

Why? You have Onno, don't you?

Yes, but Onno... I don't love him.

Onno is old and impotent...

and he doesn't smell so nice.

Do you want to return to dad, then?

No.

Please... never.

I don't want anything.

I just want to be with you.

To be with you.

My little darling.

Hello, Heleen.

Do you have something with Axel? -No.

Is it finished with you friend from Paris? -No.

Then what do you have with Axel?

He's just a friend, he's not my "sublime".

Sublime? But you French-kissed him, didn't you?

I comforted him, he was sad.

I don't like guys that cry and girls that lie.

No.

It's me.

No.

If Steve were there you would have loved it.

Not at all, it is different with Steve.

Leave me alone. I don't feel like it.

If you love me, you'll do it. -No.

Just as I thought.

I don't think you love me. Egoist.

Then let's break up. -If you want to do it, do it.

Let's stop it.

I'll jump from the top of the Europe Tower. I swear.

I want you to really love me. Prove it to me.

So tell me what I must do. Smoke an entire joint?

Something else.

If you really love me you'll go to bed with me, and let me do what I want.

Is that allowed?

Do you love me that much?

Or you will kill yourself?

Yes, I'll jump.

From the 15th floor?

From the top. Do you want me to do it?

Pull it.

Relax.

Can I go to bed with you?

That was great. Did you enjoy as well?

Wait until we'll really do it. Fireworks, champagne.

I want to do it, to get it over with. -What?

To go to bed.

Now? -No, not now.

But soon.

We have a real relationship now.

I don't know where that record is. Your father must have nicked it.

There are such nice songs on it.

Did you lose that record of Nat King Cole?

We're not allowed to have a Christmas tree. -What? Why not?

Because it's too bourgeoisie.

And Studio Sport isn't?

I'm sure we won't be allowed to light any fireworks on New-Year's.

I'm going to visit dad then.

Is he going to London?

You didn't want to go, didn't you? -Yes.

You're coming with us to Zeeland. -Yeah, right...

I have better things to do.

I have a surprise.

OK, we'll do it on New-Year's eve.

I don't want to be a virgin on the first day of the new year.

Exactly at 12 o'clock. -OK.

Heleen and Stan cum in the new year!

Right?

Steve!

Yeah, I gave him the idea.

Come.

Jesus.

Is that really you, princess?

This used to be my father's office.

Do you mind? -Not at all.

Steve, you should tell Heleen about the New-Year's party.

That's right. You should come too.

You have to live, princess.

Mom, I want to take the Pill.

Why?

Because I'm going to sleep with Axel.

Fine. I'll make an appointment for you at the Dutch Society for Sexual Reform.

Heleen Ooms.

Put your legs up, please.

We always do this exam before the first use of the Pill.

Now, breath deep.

I'm already preparing for New-Year's.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

He only says 'Hello'. -Hello.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

You're beautiful... -Emile.

Emile. -He doesn't say anything.

Just that...

Maybe he's homesick for Brazil.

Or he's just weird. Like those fucking seahorses.

Come now, Heleen.

Are you sick?

Yes.

Mom!

What happened? -She's sick.

Sleep, then.

I'll call your school.

Hey, Mouse...

Go away.

It's me.

It's me, Axel. -No.

Go away.

What's the matter?

Wake up. -Go away.

Come on, Axel. She's sick.

I'll come back later.

Quiet, my darling.

Paco said my name three times this morning. It's good, no?

What an unbelievable asshole!

Come on, let's go.

Are you going to give me a lift? -Yes.

Are you sure you don't want us to drop you at Natascha's?

No, I still need to pack my stuff. -OK.

Here, please. And a kiss.

Enjoy. -Thank you. You too.

And a happy new year. -OK.

Goodbye! Bye, love!

Would you rather be alone? -Shameless virgin.

Or aren't you a virgin anymore?

Do you feel like it? -Like what?

Having sex, with Stan.

You can use my mattress, if you want to.

My bed is your bed, princess.

Hey, Mouse. Is everything alright? Do you feel better?

Shall we do it now?

We can do it now.

No, I don't want to do it yet.

Why not?

We'll do it tonight at 12 o'clock at Steve's.

We can just lay next to each other, right?

No!

You don't want to sleep with me at all.

You want to fuck Steve. -Not at all.

No, No. You know what? Go ahead and fuck Steve.

Axel, I really want to do it.

I'll see you soon at the party. OK?

Have you done it with Steve already?

Don't be so stupid.

I'm waiting for you upstairs.

Five, Four, Three, Two, One...

Princess...

Waiting for Stan?

Waiting for a new, virgin-less life?

I'm not made for sex.

Bob is. Bob is made for sex.

Go on. -No!

I want you to enjoy, Mouse.

I want you to do it to me.

Of course, Mouse. Of course.

I'm going to fuck you, for real.

Are you sure?

Jesus.

Did you enjoy as well?

English by VDH for KG