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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
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00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:13,890
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:13,890 --> 00:00:15,640
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,730
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:20,270
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,110
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:25,280
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,780
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:32,740
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,370
See, Stan?
You gotta choose
11
00:00:41,370 --> 00:00:43,250
if you wanna be
in Gryffindor or Slytherin.
12
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:45,210
Yeah, can I do it?
13
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:47,300
Yeah, see, you gotta fight
these fairy guys.
14
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,470
Randy.
15
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,130
Randy!
16
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,640
The powder room
toilet is broken.
17
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,050
Again!
18
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:55,510
Did you jiggle
the handle?
19
00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:56,970
Yes, I jiggled the handle.
20
00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:58,770
Will you come
fix this, please?
21
00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:01,140
Okay, okay.
22
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,530
Huh, well, let's see.
23
00:01:08,530 --> 00:01:12,240
It's gotta be the little
black floaty thingie.
24
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,490
What'd you do to it?
25
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,160
I didn't do anything.
26
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:16,450
Lemme see if there's
water in the bowl.
27
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,500
No!
Don't lift the lid.
28
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,210
Why can't I
lift the lid?
29
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:23,210
Don't, Randy!
Uh-huh.
30
00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,170
Hey, guys!
Your mom took a shit
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00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,710
and doesn't want me
to see it.
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00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:28,670
Ew!
Gross, Dad!
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00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:31,380
Randy!
We need to get a new toilet.
34
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,930
We can't just get rid
of ol' blue, Sharon.
35
00:01:33,930 --> 00:01:35,470
This is embarrassing.
36
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,430
It's the powder room toilet,
the one guests use.
37
00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:40,020
You get a new toilet, Randy,
38
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:43,020
or I'm not helping you
sell weed anymore!
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00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,400
Alright, alright.
Sharon, you win.
40
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,560
As usual.
41
00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:49,820
Poor ol' Blue.
42
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,790
Can I help you
with anything?
43
00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:02,580
Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new
toilet to replace Ol' Blue.
44
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,710
Alright, well, all our toilets
here are standard bowl,
45
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:05,880
come with full warranty.
46
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,170
How much
you looking to spend?
47
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,500
Well I'm not poor.
48
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,550
I happen to have
my own weed business.
49
00:02:10,550 --> 00:02:12,880
So that's pretty much
the nicest one you have, right?
50
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,470
Yeah, that's probably
the top model, you know,
51
00:02:14,470 --> 00:02:18,010
before you start getting
into the Japanese toilets.
52
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:19,350
Japanese toilets?
53
00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:21,060
Yeah, they're the sort of
the super-high-class
54
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:22,680
luxury models with all
the bells and whistles.
55
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,400
But you probably don't wanna
spend that kind of money.
56
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,110
I'm not poor.
57
00:02:27,110 --> 00:02:29,860
Oh, well,
we can show them to you.
58
00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:32,070
The Japanese toilets
are right over there.
59
00:02:37,820 --> 00:02:39,080
Hi, Rick.
This gentleman
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00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,870
would like to see
the Japanese toilets.
61
00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:43,080
Well, of course, sir.
My name is Rick.
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00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,080
Let me know if there's
anything you need.
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00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,460
These toilets are all equipped
with the highest-end features,
64
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,250
including an automatic
bidet system,
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00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,760
bluetooth capability,
and seat warmers.
66
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,050
Seat warmers?
67
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,760
And the toilet senses
when you've come into the room,
68
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,970
turns on a small light,
plays welcome music,
69
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:01,640
and raises the lid
for you.
70
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,350
Can I offer you come
sparkling water or champagne?
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00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,600
Oh, sure,
I'll take some champagne.
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00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,560
All the toilet's functions
are operated
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00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,570
by a touch-button remote
which you mount
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00:03:10,570 --> 00:03:12,780
where the toilet-paper roll
used to go.
75
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,860
So then where do you keep
the toilet paper?
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00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:18,200
With a Japanese toilet,
you don't need toilet paper.
77
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,700
The toilet washes you
completely clean.
78
00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:24,200
You're mad.
79
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,000
No, it's true.
80
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,750
It has warm water
and a dryer
81
00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:30,590
and cleans you eight times
better than toilet paper can.
82
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,960
Would you like to take one
for a test drive?
83
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,170
Oh, uh, sure.
84
00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:38,220
I did have kind of
a big breakfast.
85
00:03:38,220 --> 00:03:39,800
Right over here.
86
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,950
{\an8}Oh, yeah ♪
87
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:01,370
I, I, I ♪
88
00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:02,990
Oh.
89
00:04:04,580 --> 00:04:05,580
Oh, yeah ♪
90
00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:09,500
Ooh.
Oh, oh! Oh.
91
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,920
Ahhh!
92
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,040
Oh, oh!
93
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,470
Ohh! Oh.
94
00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:30,980
Okay, how much?
95
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:34,400
Guys, I wanted to talk to you
because I want you all
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00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,860
to think about how
we're viewed as a family.
97
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,200
You know, as a prominent
weed dealer, we are successful,
98
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,830
and we're sort of looked up to
in this town
99
00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:47,830
because we have nice things
that most families can't afford.
100
00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:49,910
I mean, Stan, you're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy"
101
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,540
on PS5, right?
102
00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:53,630
You're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.
103
00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:56,090
Yeah, my-- my point is
that most people in town
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00:04:56,090 --> 00:04:57,670
don't even have a PS5.
105
00:04:57,670 --> 00:04:59,220
They still have PS4s,
106
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:02,640
and so we're basically
the Kennedys of South Park.
107
00:05:03,930 --> 00:05:07,060
And the plain fact is
that well-off families
108
00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:08,470
have nice things,
109
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,560
and we shouldn't be
ashamed of that.
110
00:05:15,110 --> 00:05:18,280
Hajimemashite.
Japanese Torei des!
111
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,400
Uh, yes, thank you.
Bring it on in.
112
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,490
Delivery men:
Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!
113
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:28,490
Kyo fun yori!
Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!
114
00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:31,290
That's the new toilet?
How much did it cost?
115
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,960
Oh, Sharon. Tennish.
116
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,500
What's tennish?
117
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,710
Thousandish.
Ten thousandish.
118
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:41,920
You spent $10,000
on a toilet?!
119
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,180
We don't have
that kind of money, Randy!
120
00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,470
Yeah, we do.
121
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,390
Shitsurei Shimasu!
Owarimashita.
122
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,270
Okay, yeah, right here?
Okay.
123
00:05:52,690 --> 00:05:54,770
Doomo!
Aringanto gozaimashita!
124
00:05:54,770 --> 00:05:56,610
Aringato gozaimashita!
125
00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:58,070
K, thanks.
126
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,780
You are taking that back
to the store.
127
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:07,120
Try it, Sharon.
128
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,580
I don't need to, Randy.
I want--
129
00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,200
Try it, Sharon!
130
00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:21,300
Oh, yeah ♪
131
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:23,130
Oh. Oh.
132
00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:24,510
I, I, I ♪
133
00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,890
Oh! Ohh!
134
00:06:26,890 --> 00:06:28,390
Ah-ha-ha!
135
00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:29,430
I wanna try it.
136
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:30,640
Shhh!
137
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,020
Ah-ho-ho!
138
00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:34,310
Ohh!
139
00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:41,280
Oh, look,
there he goes.
140
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,990
It's Mr. Big Shot.
141
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,570
Hey, Richie Rich.
You eating caviar
142
00:06:46,570 --> 00:06:48,200
for lunch today,
Richie Rich?
143
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:55,160
Stan, just so you know,
nobody gives a shit.
144
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,420
About what?
145
00:06:58,420 --> 00:06:59,750
Come on, guys!
146
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:04,970
Did you know some people
can't even afford to eat?
147
00:07:04,970 --> 00:07:07,890
How about caring for something
that matters, you bitch?
148
00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:10,760
What the fuck?
149
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,470
Hey, Stan, you really
have to be careful.
150
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:15,060
Of what?
151
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,100
Look, it's great that you come
from a wealthy family,
152
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,230
but people don't like getting
their noses rubbed in it.
153
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,940
Dude, I haven't
even said anything!
154
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:23,820
Well, your dad called
everyone last night
155
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:26,070
and told them you have
a $10,000 toilet.
156
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,320
What?!
157
00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:31,490
Well, thanks for having us
over for brunch, Randy.
158
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:33,950
Yeah, what's
the special occasion?
159
00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:37,170
Oh, you know, just good times
with dear friends.
160
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:39,420
Does anyone need
to go to the bathroom?
161
00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:41,040
Uh, no, I'm--
I'm good.
162
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,960
Oh, maybe some
more coffee, then.
163
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,340
Can you guys believe
all the snow we've gotten?
164
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,470
Yeah, maybe it will actually
help with the drought.
165
00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:48,550
Let's hope so.
166
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:52,050
Does anyone need
a bathroom break?
167
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,390
Well, actually, I-I think
I could use the restroom.
168
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,890
That was kind of
a big breakfast.
169
00:07:55,890 --> 00:07:57,730
Oh! Oh, yeah, sure!
It's, uh--
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00:07:57,730 --> 00:07:58,730
It's right across
the hallway.
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00:07:58,730 --> 00:08:00,940
Right there.
172
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,700
Butters' Dad:
Oh.
173
00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:10,360
What was that?
174
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,910
Oh, that's the welcome music
for my Japanese toilet.
175
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,290
I've heard of those.
Aren't they expensive?
176
00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,750
Yeah, a bit.
177
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:18,660
But for those of us
who can afford it,
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00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,170
it's well worth it.
179
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:22,080
Oh! Ohhh!
180
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,300
Ohhhh!
181
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,010
He's now turned on
the rear jet,
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00:08:26,010 --> 00:08:28,260
which cleans your bottom
with warm water.
183
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:29,630
Oh. Ohhh!
184
00:08:29,630 --> 00:08:31,930
Ah!
That's the front washer
185
00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:34,430
that washes your balls,
or vagina.
186
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,390
If you think about it,
a dry piece of toilet paper
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00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:42,020
can't clean you half as well
as pressurized water.
188
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,690
I feel bad that most people
have to walk around
189
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,400
with fecal matter
on their anus,
190
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,860
but I'm just lucky
191
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,820
I've sold enough weed
to be able not to.
192
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,490
But was it really luck?
Or was it hard work?
193
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,070
Heck, I don't know,
but you know--
194
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:54,700
Dad, can I
talk to you?!
195
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,700
Stan? You're back
from school already?
196
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:59,370
I need to talk to you
right now!
197
00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:00,580
The fuck are you doing?!
198
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:02,040
Fuck are you doing?
199
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,130
You need to stop
gloating to everybody!
200
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,800
I am not gloating.
201
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:06,960
Yes, you are,
and now kids at school
202
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,220
are calling me
Richie Rich!
203
00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,760
They are?
204
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,260
Nobody cares about
your stupid toilet
205
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,050
and you're acting
like a jerk.
206
00:09:14,050 --> 00:09:18,100
I'm acting like a jerk because
I'm trying to help people?!
207
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,060
How are you trying
to help people, Dad?
208
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,480
Because the people don't know
that these toilets are awesome,
209
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,690
and I'm just, like,
the well-respected guy
210
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,480
who's trying to open
people's eyes like JFK.
211
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,570
You are not like JFK!
212
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:33,030
You're just showing off!
213
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,870
Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause
I am trying to change things!
214
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:39,330
You're part of a very
respected family, Stan.
215
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,540
You should start
acting like it.
216
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,540
Okay, who's next?
217
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:53,720
{\an8}Oh, yeah ♪
218
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,180
{\an8}I, I, I ♪
219
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:02,770
Atashi wa Heia des-u ♪
220
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:06,360
Randy singing along:
Toire ni iru kara ♪
221
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:07,270
Randy?
222
00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:08,770
♪ Kimochi i i ♪
223
00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,610
Randy!
What?!
224
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:14,160
Your proctologist
is here to see you.
225
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,030
My proctologist?
226
00:10:16,030 --> 00:10:17,410
Atashi ♪
227
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:19,950
Oh, hey there, Doc.
228
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:22,250
Well, Randy Marsh,
how are ya?
229
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:24,120
I'm doing great.
How are you?
230
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,170
Wonderful!
Just been super busy.
231
00:10:26,170 --> 00:10:29,170
I'm actually takin' the wife
to Tuscany day after tomorrow.
232
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,050
Tuscany?
Wow. Awesome.
233
00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:33,300
Yeah, well, Randy
you haven't been in my office
234
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,010
for a few days,
so I thought I'd come
235
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,350
do a house call to help you
with your hemorrhoids.
236
00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:39,350
Oh! No, Doctor.
237
00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:41,680
I haven't needed
to come to your office.
238
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,270
In fact, I don't think I'll be
needing your services anymore
239
00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:46,850
since I've gotten
a Japanese toilet.
240
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:48,230
Oh-- Oh, really?
241
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,230
It's completely
changed my life.
242
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,230
I'm healthier,
I'm less stressed,
243
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:55,070
and I don't get hemorrhoids
'cause I'm not smearing shit
244
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:56,910
all over my ass
with toilet paper.
245
00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:58,410
Huh.
246
00:10:58,410 --> 00:10:59,700
Here, here.
You wanna come see it?!
247
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,330
Go on, check it out.
248
00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,390
D-Dr. Sheltair?
249
00:11:19,390 --> 00:11:21,720
Dr. Sheltair?!
250
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,770
You stupid!
251
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,350
You ruined Tuscany!
Gah!
252
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,980
Stop it!
I hate you!
253
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,310
I hate you! I hate you!
254
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,480
Go on!
Get out of here!
255
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,940
How am I supposed to tell
my wife
256
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:36,650
we can't afford
to go to Tuscany now?!
257
00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,990
I never realized you made
so much money off my ass.
258
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,030
Go on. Get.
259
00:11:42,030 --> 00:11:43,660
Get!
260
00:11:53,420 --> 00:11:55,050
Hey, Stan!
Stan hold up!
261
00:11:55,050 --> 00:11:56,720
What?
262
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,840
Well, um, you're just
a really good friend, Stan,
263
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,970
and-- and I was gonna
ask if maybe
264
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,680
I could borrow
your plungercost?
265
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,140
What's a plungercost?
266
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,890
when your toilet's nice
as yours, Richie Rich!
267
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:12,310
I did it!
I called Stan Richie Rich, too!
268
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:14,900
That was fun!
269
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,360
Stan, you've got to stop
bragging about your toilet.
270
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,200
I'm not bragging
about my toilet!
271
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,160
And why is it
such a big deal anyway?
272
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:28,000
It's a big deal, Stan.
You just don't understand why.
273
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:34,420
Have you ever asked yourself
why we use toilet paper?
274
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,760
We're told to wash our hands...
wear masks in crowds...
275
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,800
but for some reason,
when it comes to wiping our ass,
276
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,800
we're told to do it
with this little piece of paper.
277
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,350
We are all-- all of us--
walking around right now
278
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:48,230
with a little bit of shit
smeared on our buttholes.
279
00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:50,100
Did you know that 70%
of people in the world
280
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,020
don't even use it at all?
281
00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,980
70% of the world
doesn't use toilet paper?
282
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,940
Look it up.
283
00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:59,570
Most people in the world still
use good ol' soap and water.
284
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,450
The average American
uses 140 rolls
285
00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:04,370
of toilet paper per year.
286
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,950
Can you even begin to imagine
how many trees that is?
287
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:08,790
To supply the United States
its toilet paper,
288
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:13,630
it takes 31.1 million
trees per year.
289
00:13:13,630 --> 00:13:15,460
A million acres per year
of precious
290
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,840
Canadian Boreal
forest alone,
291
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,630
releasing upwards
of 25 metric tons of CO2
292
00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:22,010
and leveling 90%
of the land barren.
293
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,640
So, then, why do Americans
use it so much?
294
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,600
Well, that's the big question,
isn't it?
295
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,270
None of it makes any sense.
296
00:13:29,270 --> 00:13:31,390
Just tell your dad to stop.
297
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:33,150
Americans don't want
to change their toilets
298
00:13:33,150 --> 00:13:35,610
and they never will.
299
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:38,650
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a public service announcement.
300
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,530
One of our citizens
has asked to speak with you.
301
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,450
Please welcome
Mr. Randy S. Marsh.
302
00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:51,790
Thank you, Mayor.
Thank you, everyone.
303
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,210
You know, the Marshes are
a family that try to always
304
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:55,920
lead by example.
305
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,800
And we know that
all of you appreciate that.
306
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,680
Everyone deserves to be clean,
and the truth is, you can be.
307
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,350
You might not be the Marshes,
308
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:09,680
but you can afford
a Japanese toilet.
309
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,520
Just not a really nice one
like what we have.
310
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,140
If you take into account
the money
311
00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:17,440
we all spend on toilet paper,
doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,
312
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,820
a Japanese toilet pays
for itself in just a few years.
313
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:25,360
There are actually Japanese
toilets made for commoners.
314
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,910
Walmart and Amazon
all carry the lower
315
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:31,450
cost of shitty Japanese toilets
that anyone can afford.
316
00:14:31,450 --> 00:14:33,290
There's even these like
attachment thingies
317
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,620
for your existing toilet
318
00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:37,170
which will make you feel
like a Marsh yourself.
319
00:14:37,170 --> 00:14:39,590
They may not be
Nihon No style-ru,
320
00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:42,260
but they are
good enough for you guys.
321
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:47,850
The point is-- even commoners
don't need toilet paper anymore!
322
00:14:47,850 --> 00:14:50,470
And, so, I am suggesting that
this town puts all--
323
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,890
Holy shit!
324
00:14:55,890 --> 00:14:57,810
Randy?! Wah!
325
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,660
I'm sorry,
but he's in critical condition.
326
00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:09,450
Who shot him?
327
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,290
Nobody knows.
328
00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:13,200
Is he gonna be okay?
329
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,710
He's in a coma.
330
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:18,250
He's unconscious
and just blabbering nonsense.
331
00:15:19,790 --> 00:15:24,550
Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...
Taiehn deshou...
332
00:15:24,550 --> 00:15:27,800
Mr. Marsh, your whole
family is here.
333
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,720
Your wife, your daughter,
and your son.
334
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,350
T-Toire Wa?
335
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,600
No, your toilet
is back at the farm.
336
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,770
Taihen ja naaaa....
337
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,400
Dad, I'm sorry I yelled
at you before.
338
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,230
I didn't know you were
really trying to help.
339
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:47,820
Kon-nichi waaa...
340
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:53,450
- Stan, where are you going?
- I let dad down once.
341
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:55,620
Somebody has to pick up
where he left off.
342
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,550
I promise
we're doing all we can.
343
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:04,920
I'm sorry for what happened,
344
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,880
but you need to leave it
to the professionals.
345
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,880
There's something
more going on here.
346
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,220
I think my dad was on
to something and I
347
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,310
didn't listen to him,
and now he's in a hospital.
348
00:16:13,310 --> 00:16:14,720
We've already got a few leads
349
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,480
and we're following up
on all of them.
350
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,600
I assure you we take this
all very seriously.
351
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,520
This isn't a joke to us.
352
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,520
- Chief, hey, Chief!
- Yeah?
353
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,900
An angry proctologist
walked in
354
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,860
to the toilet section
of Home Depot.
355
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,740
Y-Yeah?
356
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,660
Proctologist says
to the toilet manager,
357
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:32,570
"I ain't taking the fall,"
and pulls a gun
358
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,240
on six Japanese delivery men.
359
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,870
Okay.
360
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:37,660
So, then, the six Japanese
delivery men show up,
361
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,540
and the proctologist
has everyone held hostage
362
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,040
and says he's not
taking the fall
363
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,340
for the Randy Marsh shooting.
364
00:16:43,340 --> 00:16:44,960
Oh, shit, this is
actually happening?!
365
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,880
Come on people let's go!
366
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,470
I ain't going down for this!
367
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:55,010
You got that, coppers?!
I didn't shoot anybody!
368
00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:56,270
But if I'm going down,
369
00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,770
I'll take these careless
bastards out with me!
370
00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,560
Would you like some
sparkling water or cham--
371
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,190
Come on out.
372
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,150
There's no other way,
we have you surrounded.
373
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,950
I didn't shoot
Randy Marsh!
374
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:12,740
- Taihen!
- Nobody's saying you did!
375
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,030
No, but they're gonna
use me as their scapegoat!
376
00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:18,200
They'll fix things
like they always do!
377
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,330
- Who will?
- They'll use their lawyers
378
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,750
and their power
to make it all go away!
379
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,960
Just like they did back
when that 2nd grade kid
380
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,920
wrote a story in the school
paper about toilets
381
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,210
two years ago!
382
00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:29,800
They'll take me out, too!
383
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,300
There's no stopping them!
384
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,930
Don't do it!
385
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,640
Sabishiiiii!
386
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,350
Aww! Alright move in!
387
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,270
Secure the area.
388
00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:43,520
2nd grade kid
two years ago...
389
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,980
Wrote about toilets
in the school news paper.
390
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:53,660
You weren't warning me
about people getting upset.
391
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,370
You know more about this.
392
00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:59,450
Hey!
393
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:01,160
You wrote a story
in the school paper
394
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,580
and someone came after you!
395
00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:04,790
Yeah I wrote a story,
big deal!
396
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:07,090
Jimmy, I want to know
who shot my dad!
397
00:18:07,090 --> 00:18:09,090
They took everything
from me, Stan.
398
00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:11,840
My bike... my cat...
399
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,430
They were gonna
sue my parents
400
00:18:13,430 --> 00:18:15,390
for what I wrote
in the school paper.
401
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:18,970
You're talking about
the toilet paper companies.
402
00:18:18,970 --> 00:18:21,850
Who has the most to lose?
It's all toilet paper, Stan!
403
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:25,600
Follow the money!
140 rolls per American per year.
404
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,440
Factories pushing out
roll after roll
405
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,190
while razing
Earth's resources.
406
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:31,030
All of this for
an unsanitary product
407
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,320
that has been proven
to contribute to anal fissures.
408
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030
Don't you get it, man?
409
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,530
Paper doesn't clean bacteria.
It can't stop viruses.
410
00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:40,040
With all that information,
411
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,500
you'd think
the world health organization
412
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:43,620
would do studies
to find alternatives.
413
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:45,210
So why don't they?
414
00:18:45,210 --> 00:18:47,330
Because toilet paper
is an industry worth
415
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:50,670
billions and b-billions
of dollars.
416
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:54,930
Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific,
Procter & Gamble.
417
00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:57,510
They don't want Japanese
toilets in America
418
00:18:57,510 --> 00:18:59,850
and they have the power
to stop them,
419
00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:03,060
and to stop you.
420
00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:05,270
I can't believe
they shot my dad...
421
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,810
because he wanted
to change things.
422
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:11,440
These people have deeper pockets
than you can possibly imagine.
423
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,780
They can destroy
everything you love, Stan.
424
00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:16,360
Take my advice...
425
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:20,450
Don't. Squeeze.
The Charmin.
426
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,290
You might be too scared Jimmy,
but I'm a Marsh.
427
00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:30,500
My fellow Americans...
428
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,460
we have been coerced
and brain washed.
429
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:34,010
While the rest of the world
walks around
430
00:19:34,010 --> 00:19:36,430
with cleaner buttholes,
we are obsessed with dry paper
431
00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:39,340
sold to us by billion-dollar
corporations.
432
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:42,600
- Yeah.
- Hey, yeah, he's right!
433
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,930
My father wanted everyone to see
that there were alternatives.
434
00:19:44,930 --> 00:19:46,980
But they don't want him talking
about alternatives!
435
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:48,600
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Yea!
436
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:51,650
And we can't be blindly
buying their products anymore.
437
00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:54,150
And as a town,
we will find alternatives,
438
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:55,440
and we will not
be afraid to--
439
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,910
Stop! Stop!
We're not doing this!
440
00:19:57,910 --> 00:20:00,280
Dad!
Everyone just stop,
we're not doing this.
441
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,490
Thank you. South Park, uh,
we-we're cutting this short.
442
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:04,790
I was totally wrong
and I want to apologize.
443
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,500
No, dad, it's the toilet
paper companies
444
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,120
that are behind all the--
445
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,330
Yeah, so, uh, w-we have
nothing against toilet paper.
446
00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:11,920
It's a great product
and, uh,
447
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:13,550
it was childish of me
to make fun of it.
448
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,170
Thanks, though.
We'll see ya later.
449
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:16,630
Dad,
we can't just back down.
450
00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:19,010
Bro!
I got fucking shot!
451
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,600
Japanese toilets are
totally unnecessary,
452
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,310
and, uh, in case anyone
else is listening,
453
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,480
I think all of South Park
would like to apologize.
454
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,020
We retract what we said about
toilet paper companies.
455
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:33,480
They-- They have done nothing
but help us, and we are sorry.
456
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,820
South Park-- everyone--
say you're sorry.
457
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:39,150
We're sorry.
458
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:41,320
Okay, great.
Come on, guys, let's go home.
459
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,490
What about helping people
and leading by example?
460
00:20:43,490 --> 00:20:45,660
We're not the Goddamn
Kennedys, Stan.
461
00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:47,290
Stop being an idiot.
462
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:16,020
Nice to have you back,
Ol' Blue.
463
00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:18,780
You know, guys,
I'm actually not that sad.
464
00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:21,360
Having a Japanese toilet
was great, but...
465
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,200
I've come to realize that,
466
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,780
when you have some big,
nice luxury thing,
467
00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:27,700
it eventually
just becomes normal.
468
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:29,750
But you start comparing it to
all the other things
469
00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:33,080
in your life which suddenly feel
you have to upgrade, too.
470
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,540
So, it's really best to just
471
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:38,880
stick with the beat-up,
crappy old things we have.
472
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,630
Love you forever, Honey.
35067
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