Original subtitles

-What you have today?

-School...? -Deadly.

Adult mark (v.O.): A new school meant that former bullies

Somehow became buddies.

Middle fox: Aah!

Adult mark (v.O.): And new bullies bullied us both.

-You're dead, jason.

-My name's not jason.

-That's what it says on your arm.

Middle fox: This is me brother's hoodie.

My name's rodney!

-Yeah, uh, most everybody calls him fox, though.

Funny story, his sister has the same nickname.

His older brother, too. You might have seen him around.

He's the school janitor.

Sorry. I'm interrupting.

-I thought you st. Bridget's kids were supposed to be tough.

-Oh, I-I assure you, we are not, honestly.

Uh, I mean, fox- uh, rodney here is arguably the toughest,

And as you can see, he won't be winning wrestle mania

Any time soon.

My name's mark.

Uh, where did you go to school?

-St. Rita's.

You st. Bridget's dicks better watch your backs.

-Oh, really?

I'll have you know I am a st. Bridget's dick myself.

Wanna try your luck?

-No, sister.

See ya 'round.

-Nice meeting you.

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[mary sighs]

-[clears throat]

I need a ride downtown.

-I am not going nowhere in that jeezly car.

The muffler's shot.

Sounds like I'm driving a lawnmower.

-Well, get it fixed!

-We don't got any money for that until payday!

In fact, we don't got any money at all.

-Well, I need a ride to get my moose licence.

-[scoffs] moose licence?

[laughs]

What are you gonna do, strangle it to death?

I am not wasting gas. I gotta get groceries.

-A moose is all the groceries you'll ever need.

Look, take me now.

I'll put ten bucks in 'er.

-Fifteen. -Twelve.

-Fine!

-As soon as I get my cheque.

-What?

Geez!

-Well, gentlemen, my wife wants to spend more time in florida,

So I'm gonna be selling the station.

-Mr. Murphy, you can't just- -I don't want to hear it, mike.

My doctor says I'm one bad day away

From leaving here in a box.

I'm done, mike.

-It's all right for ye two,

But me and mike here are too young to retire.

-You need to get the ratings up so I can get a better price.

Voaq is kicking our arse!

Show 'em what you showed me, mike.

-The, uh, winner's spotlight.

Voaq's dressing this guy up in a superhero suit

And having him hand out cash and stickers for your car.

-I know. Half the cars in town got 'em.

-And now we will too.

Dick: [gasps] stickers!

Cool!

If you scratch 'em, do they have the smell?

Mike sr: Mr. Murphy, with all due respect,

That's almost a total rip-off of the voaq campaign.

-Not "almost," mike.

It's a total rip-off!

Because...

It works!

Gertie, get in here.

I give you...

Logo girl!

-Well, look at you, gertie.

Help...

Save me!

Pick me up and fly me to your bat cage

And put me in your spider web!

-You're mixing up a lot of superheroes there, bud.

-I am not doing this.

I should be on the phones.

This is embarrassing.

-I suppose that's why they have the mask.

-It's sexist.

-Sex sells, gertie.

-Uh, mr. Murphy, before you get yourself sued,

I think gertie has a point.

She'd be better used at her desk,

Where she is very much appreciated.

Gertie, you can take that off now.

Don't even think about it, dick.

-I want results, mike!

And I want 'em today!

Today, mike!

-Mike, just get on the phones

And hire a student or something, will ya?

And make sure they have a driver's licence.

[sighs]

I can't lose this job! I live in the company house.

Somebody'll buy the station, right?

-Yes, but who's gonna wanna buy two old fellers like us?

[machine whirring]

-[sighs] frig!

[wood slams down]

-You okay?

-Yeah, it's just... Dumb cutting board.

-Want some help?

-I'm not an idiot.

No, this place just sucks.

What kind of wood-shop doesn't have a planer?

[sighs]

-What's your name?

-Fox.

Uh, jennifer.

Fox is just a dumb nickname.

I'm sick of it.

-I'm brad.

Did you go to st. Bridget's?

-So? -Nah, it's cool.

I know a couple kids from there.

Hey, me and my friends are having a field party tonight,

Up at the quarry. Why don't you come?

-I got a boyfriend, arsehole.

-It's not like that.

Bring him. Bring whoever.

Mr. Reardon: Hey.

Cutting boards aren't gonna cut themselves.

-[sighs]

-See you tonight?

[dramatic music]

-Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stage combat is the illusion of danger.

The minute the audience is worried about you getting hurt,

It's game over, right? You just lost them.

It's called "fight choreography" for a reason.

You're dancing, right?

Adult mark (v.O.): Perfect.

I was a lover, not a fighter.

-Giddy up!

-[clears throat]

Oh, calm, dishonourable, vile submission!

Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

-What wouldst thou have with me?

-Oh, good king of cats,

Nothing but one of your nine lives!

-I am for you!

-I don't believe you.

She's got a knife on you, man!

Protect yourself.

Mr. Lewis: Good. Excellent.

-I am for you!

-Come, sir.

Your passado.

-Gentlemen...

For shame. Forbear this outrage.

Hold, tybalt.

Good mercutio.

-Ah! -Ah...

I am hurt!

A plague on both your houses!

They have made worms' meat of me.

Adult mark (v.O.): I was a natural.

If there was one thing I was good at,

It was getting my ass kicked.

-Mr. Lewis: Yeah! -[applause]

-Right on.

You were born for this, buddy.

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[car rattling]

-God, that muffler's so bloody loud,

Even I can hear it!

-Get used to it till payday.

-Oh, that reminds me.

Could I just borrow a few bucks?

You know, for the moose licence.

-You've got about as much chance of killing a moose as I do!

-[chuckles] well, the way you're driving,

It's almost inevitable.

-Yeah. -[siren wailing]

-Oh, flying friggers! We're getting pulled over!

-Pigs! Where? Oh!

Do we need to toss anything?

[siren wailing]

[car shuts off]

[sound of boots on gravel]

-Good day, officer.

-You've been caught in voaq's winner's spotlight!

Pick a lucky envelope for your chance to win 25,

50, or 100 dollars.

-Oh, I'm sorry, we can't. My husband-

-Oh, I- could you give us a moment, sir?

Thank you.

-Don't you start!

-Look, if we win 100,

Then there's a little something in it for both of us.

Just think of it as god's way of saying

He wants you to have a muffler.

And he wants me to have a moose. Hm?

-Fine.

But if mike finds out...

-Oh, pssht!

Well, I think we're ready to play!

Yeah.

Fox: Come here!

-Aah! -[giggles]

-Look, I like making out just as much as the next fella,

But I'm gonna be late for advanced lit.

-Okay, no, no, no, shut it, shut it.

Do you wanna go to a party tonight?

-Ritche's having a party? -No.

-Tina? -No!

-We don't have any other friends.

-Okay, it's this guy brad from my shop class.

Adult mark (v.O.): Brad!

A boy who could use power tools.

Oh, well, I had a good run.

-I don't wanna go. -Come on.

Rodney can drive us.

It'll be fun. It's a field party.

-Like a... Garden party?

Jason: Oh, sooky baby never been to a field party before?

-Frig off, loser.

-Well, now, you're in my office!

-What happens at a field party?

-Beer, smokes.

Got mattresses and everything up there.

More cushion for the pushin'.

-Gross.

-Better be careful, though.

Kids from the protestant schools goes drinkin' up there too.

You know, it can get a little tangly.

-How so? -Fights, b'y.

-Why would we fight the protestant kids?

We don't even know them.

-'cause they're protestants, b'y!

You don't need a reason!

You ever heard of irish troubles?

It's in your culture!

-Mind your own business, jason.

Look...

You got your theatre geeks, but...

I never met anyone since we came here.

Please?

Adult mark (v.O.): Every instinct I had

Told me to say no,

But she was the one person I could never say no to.

-Sure. Whatever you want.

-I love you.

-If you need someone to buy you beer, you know...

I could come.

-Loser.

-[door slams] -[sighs]

[knock on door]

-You gone, dad?

-Oh, uh, hi.

Am I in the right place?

-Sorry, uh...

I thought you were my...

Father.

You are very obviously not!

You, uh- 'cause you are...

Are you here to pick up a prize, or...?

-Oh, no, I'm here about the job.

The stickers?

-It's yours. You got it.

-That's it? There's no... Interview or anything?

-Right. Um...

Yes. I have a...

Question for you here.

Somewhere.

Um...

It's... [chuckles nervously]

[flipping pages]

Do you have a driver's licence?

-Yeah.

-Ah.

Then you're hired.

-[laughs]

Mary: Friggin' thing won't come off!

Packin' commander q!

-Here. Here's, uh, turpentine.

Nature's do-over.

Oh, good god!

It's sticking more!

-Oh, what's wrong with the car now?

-Nothing. The muffler's acting up again.

-We got no money to fix that. Not until payday.

-Or do we? -[light slap]

-What...?

-Why don't you go in the house and relax?

-Hell of a day, mary. I got some bad news.

-Well, you can tell me inside, hm?

-Yeah.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Mr. Murphy'll kill me if I don't stick this on the car.

Mary: Mike, no! Pop: No!

-Good god!

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-Can't friggin' believe it.

[creaking sound]

-You gotta hold that door or she'll fly open.

She don't close.

-You sure this is safe?

-Yeah, it's fine.

-Uh, unless it rains.

Then you gotta pull this string to move the wiper.

-You need gas.

Fox: Ah, none of that stuff works.

-How do you know if you run outta gas?

-The car stops. Duh.

-Do you even have your licence?

-Yeah, he's got his learner's permit.

-Same thing.

Adult mark (v.O.): I wasn't worried about

The field party anymore.

I'd never make it there, so why worry?

-We should get gas.

-Got no money.

-Uh, we'll chip in.

-Okay.

-[sighs] how much have we got?

-Ah, almost five bucks.

That's pretty good.

[window squeaking]

-Whatta ya at, sooky babies?

-What are you doing here?

-Gettin' some air for me pedal bike, losers!

I was gonna go check out the field party.

Got beer money, do ya?

-It's gas money.

-Can't show up to a field party without beer.

You'll be killed.

-He's not wrong.

-I'll buy it for ya if you gives me two.

Six in a box.

You each gets one, and I gets two,

'cause I'm a grown-up.

No way.

-Wait. Let's get beer!

But you buy it.

-Me? What...? Why not him?

-'cause we can't show up with the janitor,

And you look the oldest.

-Hey, I'm older. -Yeah, but you're an idiot.

-Oh. -Come on, you can do it.

Adult mark (v.O.): I just couldn't say no to her.

[elevator music playing]

Adult mark (v.O.): Decisions, decisions...

[elevator music continues]

Adult mark (v.O.): How hard could it be?

I was a trained actor.

-[sighs]

Hello, me love. Hell of a day, huh?

Figured I'd crack a cold one.

Oh, no smokes for me today.

Ah, the missus is after me to quit.

She did want me to get a lottery ticket, though.

I mean, can you believe it?

You know, you ask me, they're harder to quit than the smokes.

I always use my lucky number.

1970.

The year I was born.

-Shove over, losers!

Takes a real man to buy beer.

Party time, dicks!

[rock music playing]

["new orleans is sinking" by tragically hip playing]

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Jason: [laughs] wicked!

Adult mark (v.O.): I was out of my comfort zone.

It was like wicker man meets degrassi.

Brad: Hey, you made it.

Adult mark (v.O.): That's brad?

Brad: Here. Just like drinking lemonade.

Everything's cooler with a cooler.

Adult mark (v.O.): Fox's new friend

Was my new bully.

-Uh, these are my friends mark and ritche.

And, uh, that's my brother, rodney.

Adult mark (v.O.): It was a trap.

-Guys, come on, don't be weird. Say hi.

-I'm jason. I'm the, um-

-Janitor?

-Hey.

Fox: What's going on?

-So, mark, you gonna tell her?

-Wait, you know him?

Adult mark (v.O.): Oh, well, at least I was gonna pass

My lord of the flies quiz.

-So, how much did you win?

-Just a hundred.

-I hope it was worth it.

-Oh, mike, it's only a game!

-They announce the names of the winners on the radio, mary.

What will I tell my boss when he asks me

If you're the same mary critch who won a hundred bucks on voaq?

-There's something else.

What is it you wanted to tell me?

-Don't go changing the topic. -Tell me.

-[sighs]

He's selling the station.

-What?

Pop: Well, screw him, then!

-Oh, for the love of god.

-Look, I'm owed 50 dollars.

Which is the exact amount for my moose licence.

-We don't even have a deep freeze.

-This is newfoundland!

I'll toss it in a snowbank!

-Just keep the money, alright? It doesn't matter anymore!

A hundred bucks.

Is that the price of loyalty around here now?

And what if the new boss says we can't live here, mary?

What then, hey?

'cause rent's gonna be a hell of a lot more than a hundred bucks!

-Mike!

-Can't believe you st. Bridget's suckers actually came.

-But... You asked us.

-He tricked you. He wants your brother.

-What? -Yeah?

Well, you can't hit a teacher!

-[loud smack] -oh!

-You're not a teacher.

Fox: Come on.

-We gotta get outta here!

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Adult mark (v.O.): I'd spent my whole life running away.

But no longer.

What this situation called for was more drama.

-Oh, calm, dishonourable, vile submission!

-For frig's sake.

[cars approaching]

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-Hey! This is our field!

We go to beaconsfield!

You catholics better shag off from where you came from!

-You were st. Rita's, we were st. Bridget's,

But none of that matters anymore!

Look, we're holy heart now.

We fight together.

Adult mark (v.O.): Nothing brings people together

Like a common enemy.

[dramatic music]

-Back to the car, back to the car!

Go, go, go!

Adult mark (v.O.): As shakespeare once said,

Cowards die many times before their deaths.

The valiant never taste of death but once.

I would live to die another day.

-Hey, dick, you wanna meet the new girl I hired?

-Do I?

[sniffs]

Where's she to?

-Dick dunphy, meet...

Logo girl.

-Well, hello, me lovely!

I gotta say, you fills out that suit pretty...

-Hi.

Dad.

Mike jr: What?

-Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

Stop staring at her!

-Uh...

-That outfit is sexist.

-I'm gonna give you two some space.

Hey, really nice meeting you!

-You- you can't work here.

I don't want you living the same kind of life I did.

-I waited in that diner for hours for you.

So you don't get a say in the kind of life I'll have.

You lost that right when you walked out on mine.

And I don't need a father.

But I do need a job.

You weren't there for me when I needed you,

So please don't stand in my way now that I don't.

[poignant music]

[car honks]

-You're crazy. -Crazy about you.

Adult mark (v.O.): Some things are worth fighting for.

Some people, too.

[car sputters]

Rodney: Crap, we're outta gas.

-Idiot!

Ritche: You're the one who spent the gas money on beer.

-[siren wailing] -cops!

-Uh, act sober!

-We are sober! They stole our beer.

[knock on window]

[window squeaking]

-Is there a problem, officer?

-Hi, I'm logo girl!

Pick an envelope for your chance to win up to a hundred dollars.

[all chuckle]

Adult mark (v.O.): Sometimes you find yourself

In the right place at the right time.

And if you're there with the right people,

Well, it doesn't get any better than that.

Making new friends is great, but keeping old ones,

That's the best.

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