Original subtitles

Did you see that? Did you see the way he looked at that bridesmaid?

Oh, no. He was just looking around and accidentally there was a bridesmaid.

Why doesn't he look at me?

Oh, he has seen you.

Did you catch that?

-Flirting right up to the last minute. -Oh, don't be silly.

l'll never be able to trust that girl.

Oh, l won't need you anymore today, Thompson.

-Good morning, Mrs. Kent. -Oh, good morning.

We've booked you and Mr. Kent on the Southern Queen sailing next Tuesday.

Good. Did you get us a stateroom on the promenade deck?

Naturally. We've also arranged for your accommodations in Rio...

...at the Hotel Atlantico.

-The presidential suite. -Of course.

-How do you do? -Good morning.

Don't worry, in Rio, our man will meet you at the boat and escort you to the hotel.

Fine.

Here she is again.

You take care of her, Dudley, in a nice way. l got stuck last time.

Quite a character. Comes in here every few months.

Loads up on literature, plans elaborate tours.

-Never goes on one of them. -Really?

-Why is that? -Well, she's just a singer in a honky-tonk.

Hasn't got a dime.

l think there are some papers here for you to sign, Mrs. Kent.

-Oh, how do you do, Miss Garrett? -Oh, greetings, chum.

My, we haven't seen you, let's see now, since you didn't go to Switzerland.

l got a big kick out of planning that. What looks good this time of the year?

How about the Canadian Rockies?

Canadian Rockies? Don't you remember? l already haven't been there.

Oh, of course, l'm sorry.

What about a cruise through the Canal, and return home by train from Los Angeles?

The Canal's for schmoes.

Come on, what really looks good?

Well, South America's getting a heavy play.

We have some literature on it, if you'll just step right over here.

-Sure. -Here are the papers.

-Hello, Miss Garrett. -Hi.

South America, the seat of ancient cultures.

Museums, missions, archeological ruins abound.

South America.

You could tell by her manana....

Manana, that fractures me.

What has South America got besides romantic ruins?

Let's see. lt says here there are approximately four men to every woman--

That's enough. Doesn't hurt a girl to be outnumbered.

-Pardon me. -Yes?

-We're set up to take your passport photo. -Oh, thank you. l'll be right in.

As long as l'm handy, l might as well have one taken too.

But, Miss Garrett, you've already had seven passport pictures taken.

But never as a blond.

-Are you going to tell your husband? -Oh, no, no. Not yet.

l want some time to prepare him for it. Well....

Before you go, there's just one more thing.

-Uncle. Uncle. -Yeah.

-What happened? -Do you see what l see?

-What do you see? -lsn't that Elvira down there?

Now, Michael, don't tell me you are still jealous of her.

-Well, why did they raise the top? -l don't know.

Maybe they are afraid it will rain.

Let's face it, uncle. Elvira's a flirt, always has been.

Thought marriage would change her, it hasn't.

Just the opposite, my boy.

When a woman is married, she has to flirt twice as hard...

...to prove she's still got it.

Yes?

-Yes what? -Whom do you wish to see?

Mr. Michael Kent.

Who are you?

Oh, l'm Mr. Kent's secretary.

Oh, since when?

Since 9:00 this morning.

-Who are you? -Mrs. Michael Kent, since three years ago.

Oh, really?

Why do you say, ''Oh, really''?

Well, l didn't know Mr. Kent was married.

Well, you've only been here since 9:00.

He couldn't have gotten very far in the story of his life.

Shall l announce you to Mich--? l mean, Mr. Kent?

Never mind.

l'll just walk in on Mr. Ke--

l mean, Michael.

-Hello. -Oh, hello, darling.

-Your hat's on crooked. -it's supposed to be that way.

Oh, is it?

Looks very cute. Very cute.

We'll take care of that a little later.

Who was that you just drove up with?

l was hoping you wouldn't see me.

Well, if you must know, it was an automobile salesman.

You looked so chummy, could've sworn he was a friend.

He was just showing me how the car worked.

You didn't tell me you were getting a new car.

You didn't tell me you were getting a new secretary.

Where did she come from?

Oh, from the Acme Secretarial School, l suppose.

By the time we're back from South America, she'll be able to type with all 1 0 fingers.

Oh, South America.

-What's the matter, dear? -Nothing, nothing.

Oh, excuse me.

-Mr. Kent, you wanted to see these. -Fine.

Put them out on the whole chain. l want everyone to smell good.

Yes, sir.

Michael, every time you say, ''Oh, uh, um'' like that...

...l know there's something on your mind and not in your throat.

-What about our trip? -Well, darling, this is it.

l'm afraid we're going to have to postpone it again.

Postpone it? Why?

-Business. Something came up this morning. -About 9:00 this morning.

Yes, yes, about 9.

Phone call from the West. Great chance for a merger.

Listen, marriage is a merger too, you know, and a darned important one.

l know, l know.

lf we can grab the Great Western Drug Company...

...there won't be a hot-water bottle without our name on it.

That's a comfort.

Tell J.B. to put those on a national network.

You wanted me to remind you of your lunch appointment.

Yes, thank you, Miss Medwick.

Bye-bye, dear. May see you at dinner.

Glad you see it my way.

Come along, bring your notebook. This is not only lunch, it's business.

-Would you please sign these? -Oh, yes, yes.

That's a wonderful perfume.

Don't believe we carry that in our stores.

-Would you mind telling me what it is? -lt's called Tonight or Never.

lt's your photo. A messenger brought it from the Baker Travel Agency.

A lot of good it'll do me now.

-Maybe we'd better put it in stock. -Oh, yes, sir.

Well, if you don't want it, l'd be glad to keep it as a souvenir.

You're sweet.

Excuse me.

Would you mind finishing?

-Hello, dear. -Hello, Uncle Lazlo.

Your hat is on crooked.

lt's supposed to be that way.

l guess you heard Michael cannot go to South America.

Uncle Lazlo, couldn't you handle this deal yourself?

No, darling, l cannot do anything without Michael.

l am the president of the company, but he is my brains in the drugstore business.

When l started in this business nobody was helping me.

No. l was a soda jerker.

l was such a thin boy, my boss was such a guy.

One mistake, l got a punch in the nose.

But now it is different.

l am the success, so he does all the work.

No, no, no, l cannot let Michael go, not for a day.

He's the great business head.

l didn't marry Mike for his business head.

He's so attractive, but he's such a wolf.

Don't you think it's a little strange that this business deal should pop up...

...the same morning he hires a beautiful new secretary?

l know what you are insinuating, but you are 90 percent wrong.

What about the other 1 0 percent?

Oh, well, l'm not saying that Michael has not looked at another woman.

Who hasn't?

l have looked at women, and the few that looked back, l married.

That cured me of looking.

l will tell you what, l still like women, but l stopped looking.

Well, that isn't me.

ls there a phone number on the back? Let me see.

-A nice girl. -l thought you'd stopped looking.

Why, l know who that is. That's that girl in the agency.

She's quite a character.

Elvira, dear, why not forget about Michael and take this trip yourself. Why?

And leave him here with a free hand? Oh, no.

Don't be silly.

Even if you were here...

...if Michael wanted to play around in a city like New York...

...with a little caution:

lf he thought l was away, he wouldn't bother about being careful.

How l'd love to go to South America and catch Michael here.

My dear niece, not only is it impossible, but it cannot be done.

Uncle.

-What? -l think l have an idea.

What--? What idea?

Get me the Baker Travel Agency, and l wanna speak to Charles, please.

Uncle, we're going nightclubbing tonight.

Night-- Nightclubbing?

Hello, Charles. This is Mrs. Kent.

-Uncle. Uncle. -Yes?

This is the girl.

l hope you know what you are doing.

Waiter, have you a table for two?

Sorry, no formal dress allowed.

Why?

Makes the customers feel uncomfortable.

Oh, makes them uncomfortable. And how much makes them comfortable?

You rich guys think that money can buy anything.

How right you are.

Nobody would ever suspect you love music.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

That ought to prove l'm not rude.

We now present our singing star, an Oscar Farrar discovery...

...trained by Oscar Farrar, and appearing here through the courtesy of Oscar Farrar.

lncidentally, my name is Oscar--

Seems to escape me for the moment.

Miss Georgia Garrett.

Hi, baby.

Although I'm smitten

I've never written

Any poetry at all

Not even the kind That you usually find

On a schoolhouse wall

The poems that I've composed

I could never win a cup with

After trying and trying And trying and trying

This is what I came up with

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love with you

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love

In love--

So she's in love.

I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love

I'm in love

I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love

I'm in love with....

I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love

I'm in love with you

-What was the name of that song? -''l'm in Love.''

-Did l do right by you? -You always do.

But all this is beneath me.

Marry me so l can quit this job.

l'm getting tired of turning you down.

Marry me and get yourself a dependent. l'm deductible.

Oscar, you're a sweet kid, but just a little offensive.

l always wanted to marry a girl who could tune a piano on the side.

Once and for all, will you marry me?

-Answer yes or no. -No.

We'll continue this discussion later.

Will you see me home?

Hey, Georgia, a couple of income-tax evaders...

...want you to have a drink with them. Table seven.

l'll drink with them, but autographs are out.

-Okay. -Captain, did they ask for me too?

No one ever asks for you.

How did a sweet kid like you ever get into this kind of a racket?

-Hello. -Hello.

-Hi. -Miss Garrett, l'm Elvira Kent.

-And this is my uncle, Lazlo Lazlo. -Hello.

lf he isn't your uncle, is that my business?

You can believe me, she's my niece. l have experiences in nieces.

-Won't you sit down? -Don't be surprised if l do.

That's cute.

We ordered champagne if it is all right with you.

So l'm stuck with it.

Say, haven't l seen you someplace?

Baker Travel Agency.

What's more they sent me your passport photo by mistake.

The schmoes, they sent me yours. lt's right in my dressing room, you want it?

-There's no hurry. -You can keep mine. l'm not going anyplace.

Well, neither am l.

Did you run out of money too?

Oh, no, no, no. My niece cannot run out of money.

l am the owner of one of the greatest drugstore chains.

When l came in this country l was a soda jerker.

l was such a thin boy, my boss was such a guy.

One mistake, l got a punch in the nose-- No, no.

-Miss Garrett. -Listening.

How would you like to go to South America after all?

How would l like to go to--?

-Oh, you mean as a stowaway? -No.

ln a first class cabin, all expenses paid, and $ 1 000 spending money.

What radio program do you two represent, and how did l win it?

Oh, no, nothing to do with radio or contests or anything like that. No.

What's the catch? There must be a catch.

There is.

You see, you have to travel under my name.

-Under your name? You tired of it? -No.

-You see, l'm married and-- -Oh, ashamed of it.

No.

-Miss Garrett, l don't trust my husband. -Natch.

lf he thought l was in South America, he'd play around quite openly--

And she would be here to catch him.

Well, why not let him play around? Keeps them off the streets.

Please. This is a legitimate offer.

Yes, it is.

Do you mean after all these years of planning and dreaming...

...and never getting out of Far Rockaway...?

You mean this thing is just gonna fall right in my lap?

Right in your laps.

Well, what am l asking questions for?

-Lady, have you got yourself a deal. -Oh, good.

-Let's drink to that. -Wonderful.

A votre what?

-What does that mean? -Your health.

Mine's fine, thanks. How's yours?

-Don't pack that. l'll need that in New York. -Beg pardon?

l mean, l won't be using it in Rio.

You can stop packing, Marie.

-Hello, darling. -Hello.

l'll finish the merger by the end of the week, and then l can go with you.

l said l'll be finished in a few days.

Aren't you happy?

Oh, yes, l certainly am.

lt's just that it interferes with all my plans.

Plans? What plans?

What she means is her boat leaves tomorrow and not in a few days, you know.

But another one leaves Saturday. That's only 96 hours.

But-- But-- But, darling, you can't complete a decent merger in 96 hours.

She's right. lf you should mess up this deal...

-...you'll never forgive yourself. -Yes, l will.

Then l'll never forgive you.

-Oh, the phone. -Now, look, darling, this is--

Hello. Oh, hello, Georgia.

Oh, l can't talk to you now, dear, l'm in a hurry.

-l'll see you on the boat. -Who's this you'll see on the boat?

-George who? -George who?

Oh, George who? Oh, not George who...

...Georgia. Just a girlfriend of mine.

But no, darling, you stay here and take care of your affairs.

Well, this seems very funny to me.

Very funny that you can't wait till Saturday.

Only four days.

-Don't you think it's funny, uncle? -No, it isn't funny at all.

Maybe not to you, because you have no feelings of such matters.

What--? l have no feeling? You have no feeling.

You are talking, talking, don't know what about.

She cannot postpone her trip. lt's settled with Georgia.

What's settled? Say, who is this Georgia?

You see, you haven't the faintest notion.

Georgia is the girl who has to--

You are driving me crazy.

Elvira, don't you think you owe me an explanation?

l can't hear a word you're saying, the shower's making too much noise.

Just what are you up to?

l can't talk to you right now.

l want one reason, at least one good reason...

...why you have to go off by yourself.

l can't talk to you right now.

lf l can't hear you, at least let me see you.

Now, are you gonna wait for me? Yes or no?

-Oh, hello. -Come in.

-Excuse me, are you Peter Virgil? -l am.

-Peter Virgil, the detective? -Yes.

My client suspects his wife is slowly poisoning him...

...and l was just examining the evidence.

No, there's no poison. lt could stand a little sugar though.

Excuse me. See l....

l figure as long as there's no poison, why, l might as well drink it.

-Would you join me in a cup of evidence? -No, thanks.

Well, sit down. What can l do for you?

Well, you'll excuse me for being blunt, Mr. Virgil.

Tell me, Mr. Virgil...

-...are you a good detective? -Naturally.

-Where did you get your training? -ln the Army. lntelligence G-2.

Well, were you good at your job?

We won the war, didn't we?

Before that l was a vaudeville hoofer, wrestler, and a magician's assistant.

So you can see, l'm a man of wide experience, Mr....

Kent. Michael Kent.

See how l wormed that name out of you?

Mr. Virgil, l'm here on a very delicate matter.

-l suppose you're married? -Yes.

l know what l'm doing is not quite the right thing--

But what you suspect your wife is doing is even worse?

The fact of the matter is, Mr. Virgil...

...my wife is leaving day after tomorrow on a South American cruise...

...and, well, she insists on going without me.

To a man of your nature, that means only one thing, another man on the boat.

See, l don't know. That's what l want you to find out.

Well, you've come to the right man. l've handled so many of these cases. l--

Excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, yes, how are you?

Well, certainly l shadowed your wife.

l hate to tell you this, but you were right. She's been two-timing you.

Hello? Hello?

He fainted.

Sometimes there's a shot.

Now, where were we?

Mr. Virgil, l want you to get on the same boat with my wife and shadow her.

-l'll have to leave all of my business. -l'll make it up to you.

l can tell you right now without batting an eyelash, it'll cost you $ 1 000 a week.

Well, that's a little steep, isn't it, old boy?

Yes, yes, it is, but l'll probably get seasick.

Well, all right, all right. l'll book your passage.

Move your chair closer, will you?

There's a little confidential information l must have.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello.

Well, what do you know...

...he didn't even wait for me to tell him.

lt still isn't too late.

-Can't you wait two or three weeks? -Don't be ridiculous.

-Here l am, we're sailing any minute. -l can get you off the boat in a while.

Will you please not worry about me? l'll be back in no time.

Yeah, l know, but l'm gonna miss you so much.

You just have the feeling that l'm always near you.

l'll try. And, darling, l want you to remember...

...that wherever you are l'll be watching over you.

Oh, what a lovely sentiment.

Oh, isn't that the warning whistle?

Well, l didn't hear anything. Did you, uncle?

The whistle? Yes, sure l heard.

l still hear it.

-Well, goodbye, darling. -Goodbye.

Have fun.

Come along, uncle.

-Well, goodbye, darling. -Goodbye. Goodbye.

l didn't lie, just the whistle is a little late.

l understand running away from me, but not on such an elaborate scale.

lt was very sweet of you to come down. Goodbye.

l'll give you one more chance to explain. Where did you get the money?

-l told you. -You didn't tell me.

-That's right, l told you l couldn't tell you. -You treat me like an empty suit.

-Are you going with somebody? -Scouts honor, l'm traveling alone.

That's no fun. Georgia, l won't let you do this.

lt's not only walking out on your job and me...

...once you go, you cut down my list of friends 1 00 percent.

-Think of that. -l have thought about it.

That's the gratitude l get.

l taught you everything you know, gave you a career.

l picked you up when you were working for $45 a week and gave you a job at the club.

At a snappy 40 a week.

You can't expect to start at the top, although l've often wondered why not.

Oscar, you better go. l have so many things to do before we sail.

l know when l'm not wanted. lt happens to me constantly.

Oscar.

Aren't you gonna kiss me?

l don't know how. Will you show me?

You don't know how either.

B flat, that's your key.

Don't forget to put your shoes in front of the cabin every night.

-Be sure to write. -l will.

-You sure you're not going with somebody? -Goodbye, Oscar.

-You're sure everything's gonna be all right? -Don't worry.

l want you to write me every chance you get.

lf what l have can't go through the mails...

-...l'll phone you. -All right.

l've had a lot of these.

-l hope what l'm doing is all right. -You're all right.

-Everything's all right. -Okay.

-Oh, excuse me. -Sorry.

Should l wait for you?

No, you'd better go with Michael. He might get suspicious.

Come in.

-All clear? -Nobody here but my uncle.

And l am practically gone already.

Have a nice trip, my da-- Oh, pardon me.

You have a-- Oh, excuse me.

-See you later. -All right.

-Good luck to you. -Goodbye.

-Goodbye. -You all right?

Oh, you don't know what a tough time l had getting rid of my boyfriend.

l'm beat.

Georgia-- l mean, Elvira, because that's gonna be your name...

...for the next few months. Please be careful of your speech.

Mrs. Kent may be fatigued, but she's never beat.

Okay, l'm fatigued, but my feet hurt.

Michael.

Michael. l thought l lost you.

Well, you see, l was just seeing a friend about some business in South America.

Well, goodbye, Georgia. Best of luck. l hope you have a wonderful trip.

-Thanks. -And l almost forgot to tell you, l overtip.

-Okay. lt's your money. -That's right.

Now let me see, checked the passenger list, nobody knows me.

So far so good.

Now here.

l've written letters to my husband addressed from various ports.

Please be sure to mail them one by one at each place you stop.

-That ought to convince him. -lt's a cinch.

Well, goodbye again and good luck to you.

Oh, l almost forgot the most important thing.

How do you feel about men?

They're grand. l mean, they're the most important thing.

With your figure and my name, the men will be flocking after you.

Say, that's happened to me plenty under my own name.

Well, just remember, while your lips are being kissed...

...it's my reputation that's suffering.

-Yeah, l'll make a note of that. -Good.

Oh, dear, l'm liable to be trapped on the boat.

-Well, goodbye, Georgia. -Goodbye.

l hope you make me very proud of me.

l'll try.

Oh, do me a favor, have a wonderful time...

...but please stay in your cabin as much as possible and as alone as possible.

l'll make a note of that too and underline it.

Bye.

All ashore that's going ashore.

What's the matter with you?

-What's the matter with you? -l think l forget.

-Forget what? -l for--

Nothing at all.

l think l get seasick.

-The ship isn't even moving. -Why didn't you tell me that?

Late for work, aren't you?

Could you tell me what table Mrs. Elvira Kent has reserved?

Table 64. ls that where you're stationed?

-What do you mean? -Aren't you a new waiter?

Me? Certainly not. l'm a passenger.

l've got one of the most luxurious cabins on the boat.

-l beg your pardon. -You should.

lf l were not a headwaiter, l'd be flustered.

-What gave you the idea l work here? -lt was a mistake.

You see, onboard, no one dresses the first night out.

Well, what's good enough for you is good enough for me.

Oh, l'm so sorry.

-My dear young lady. -Yes?

l advise you to go to your cabin and get out of your clothes.

-Pardon? -Don't go in there.

-You'll be frightfully embarrassed. -Embarrassed? Why?

-Nobody dresses the first night out. -They don't?

Even if it's chilly?

This l gotta see.

-You mean nobody dresses up. -Of course. Didn't you know that?

Then what are you doing in that monkey suit?

Confidentially, this is my first trip too.

-Really? -Yes.

My dear man, l've been on more world cruises than you could shake a stick at.

lt's just that compared to my other gowns, l don't consider this very formal.

ls that so?

Well, if you don't consider that formal, l'd like to see the rest of your wardrobe.

-Mrs. Elvira Kent. -ln particular, l have one little item...

-...that's backless, strapless... -Mrs. Kent.

-...almost frontless. -Mrs. Kent.

Mrs. Elvira Kent.

Oh, my goodness. Mrs. Elvira Kent, that's me.

Hey, boy.

-Are you Mrs. Kent? -Natch. l mean, naturally.

-Radiogram. -Oh, thank you.

-Just a moment. -May l?

No, no, l'll take care of it. Thank you very much.

Thank you.

-Thank you. -That's all right.

l'm told l overtip.

Really?

-Would you excuse me, please? -Yes, certainly.

''Don't dress first night out.'' Now she tells me.

Mrs. Kent, now that l know your name, perhaps it's fair you should know mine.

-lmmaterial. -lt's Peter Virgil.

l was wondering if you're as hungry as Mr. Virgil.

l could eat a cow.

Well, then our dress notwithstanding, will you have dinner with me?

lf l'm overdressed, l might as well overeat.

Unless you've some other dinner engagement?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, now, surely you must have some friends onboard.

l don't mean male friends.

l mean, girlfriends often go on cruises together.

l don't know a soul on this tub.

Except Mr. Peter Virgil.

Well then, chin up, eyes straight ahead, and what care we if the peasants stare.

Carry on.

Oh, waiter.

Come here. Table for two, please.

l'm sorry, the dining room's just been closed.

What do you mean closed?

First you ritz me, then you try to starve two perfectly good paying customers.

The man is only doing his duty.

-After all, it's our fault that we dawdled. -Did we dawdle?

Just the same, thanks ever so.

Why don't you try the cocktail lounge? The pretzels are delicious.

That's an excellent suggestion. l'm famished.

-More pretzels, please. -More pretzels. Yes, sir.

Yes, thank you.

Tell me, Mr. Virgil, what business are you in?

l stick my nose into other people's business.

-You know how it is when a man's retired. -Retired? Retired from what?

l made my fortune in the entertainment business.

Oh, really?

l invented a new system for clearing audiences out of theaters.

-You're cute. You know something? -Thank you. What?

-l've always had an ambition to be a singer. -ls that so?

Most singers have secret ambitions to be society dames.

l don't see why you're wasting your time with a married woman...

-...when there's many attractive single girls. -Oh, yes, yes.

The single girls look for husbands, while married women run from their husbands.

Frankly, l'd rather be with those that are running than with those that are looking.

Don't you want to be married?

Well, most husbands l know speak very poorly of marriage.

-What of your marriage? -Would you believe it?

-l haven't felt married. -Yours must be a very unusual marriage.

lt certainly is.

l think we had quite enough dinner, thank you.

What would you like to do now?

l wish l could.

lsn't that lovely?

-Hello. -Good evening.

-Oh, and you do sing? -A little.

-You know this song? -Yes.

-Could you raise it a little, please? -Sure. B flat, fellas.

It's you or no one for me

I'm sure of this Each time we kiss

The lady's in love

Now and forever And when forever's done

You'll find that you are still the one

-Please -The lady said please

Don't say no to my plea

'Cause if you do

Then I'm all through

There's this about you

My world's an empty world without you

It's you or no one

She don't want no one

It's you or no one for me

Baby, you're the one for me

-l shouldn't have done that. -l won't report you to the Social Register.

l'm bored with it all, strictly entre nous. l wish l didn't have to keep up appearances.

Oh, l'm tired of pretending too. Let's both let our hair down.

Let's follow our impulses wherever they lead and make this a real vacation.

l think you've got something there.

-May l? -Of course.

Anything above the third rib l consider formal.

-Mrs. Kent? -Yes?

-l mean, Elvira. -Yes?

May l see you to your cabin?

-Well-- -For you, Mrs. Kent.

Thank you. Would you tip him, please?

-Yes. -l overtip.

Oh, yes, of course. That's right.

Well?

No, thank you, Mr. Virgil. l'll find my way alone.

So nice meeting you. Good night.

-Really? -Yes.

The tourist trade, the tourist trade

Aye, it's all for the tourist trade

We never sunbathe Tell you why

It's atmosphere for the passerby

To find us asleep in the shade

It's so very necessary

Aye, the tourist trade

The tourist trade, the tourist trade

Aye, it's all for the tourist trade

Our souvenirs are all foreign bought

They come from some place Called Terre Haute

We can't sell a thing that we've made

Please, no arguin' It's a bargain

Aye, the tourist trade

Habana is Havana

They murder the language

But we love 'em We want more of 'em

The Yankee dollar ain't hay

Hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey

The tourist trade, the tourist trade

Aye, it's all for the tourist trade

If you're romantic The Cuban stars

Are made to order for soft guitars

You must fall in love when they're played

They inspire They're for hire

Aye Aye, the tourist trade

Habana

That's Havana.

They murder the language

But we love 'em We want more of 'em

The Yankee dollar ain't hay

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey

The tourist trade, the tourist trade

Aye, it's all for the tourist trade

If you're romantic The Cuban stars

Made to order for soft guitars

You must fall in love when they're played

They inspire They're for hire

Aye Aye, the tourist trade

It's a settin' Past forgettin'

Once you see it You'll agree

It's all for the tourist trade

Hey, I love that stuff

Hello, New York?

Havana calling Mr. Michael Kent.

Plaza 43444.

Desires to reverse charges.

Reverse charges?

Just one moment, please.

Havana calling, Mr. Kent. Wishes to reverse the charges.

Oh, yes. l'll accept it.

Hello.

Yes, yes, l'll accept the charges.

-Hello. Who? -lt's me, Peter Virgil.

We're in Havana. l thought l'd call and give you the news.

Yes, yes, of course. Well, what is the news?

-No news. -What do you mean ''no news ''?

She hasn't looked at another man. Professionally, l'm very disappointed.

Well, personally, l'm not.

You mean she hasn't spoken to another man?

Well, she's spoken to me.

What? You two know each other already?

Well, naturally, I had to make her acquaintance.

Well, was it difficult?

Tell me, who spoke first?

l did-- Look, don't worry.

The slogan of my firm is ''Never kiss a client's wife.''

Well, don't change slogans in mid-ocean.

-Hello, is this Mrs. Elvira Kent? -Yes.

lt is? Well, this is Mrs. Elvira Kent speaking.

Oh, excuse me, this is Georgia, Georgia Garrett.

l'm taking my work so seriously l don't know who l am.

Good. Have you been sticking close to your cabin?

Have I? I've only spoken to one man, and he's harmless, quite.

l thought l warned you about that.

l figured if l don't speak to any men at all, it's sure to attract attention to me.

Oh, by the way, Mrs. Kent, l know it's not my business...

...but have you got anything on your husband?

l'm afraid his conduct has been impeccable.

-Caught him with the goods. -That means he's been behaving himself.

Too bad. Well, maybe he'll do something unimpeccable before l come back.

Goodbye. And look, keep in touch with me, will you?

Okay. Goodbye.

l thought you were waiting outside.

Well, l suddenly remembered l had to call New York.

-Girlfriend, huh? -No, no, business. And you?

l was calling New York too.

-Boyfriend, huh? -Better than a boyfriend. My husband.

-You were talking to your husband just now? -l just hung up.

-Does that surprise you? -Yes, it certainly does. l--

Poor darling. He was home waiting for my call.

He's quite a treasure. l think l'll send him a letter.

Well, don't you have to write it first?

Oh, no, l'm way ahead on my letter writing.

Bless his heart.

-Look, do you see a doorway over there? -Sure.

-Do you hear somebody singing? -Sure.

Well, then l guess l'm not crazy. Shall we absorb some of the local color?

Let's.

Table for two, please.

Bring us a couple of drinks of something tall and cool.

Oh, Havana. lsn't it romantic?

You know, you amaze me.

You made this trip 1 00 times, yet you make it sound like it's the first.

You know what my secret is?

-No, what? -No.

No, come on, tell me.

Well, l keep telling myself this is my first trip.

Pedro, you must teach me that song.

Oh, you speak Spanish.

Just like a native.

We have so many requests for this song. And l have some English lyrics.

-Oh, thank you. -Will be 25 cents, please.

The tourist trade. Aye, the tourist trade.

You sigh, the song begins

You speak and I hear violins

It's magic

The stars desert the skies

And rush to nestle in your eyes

It's magic

Without a golden wand

Or mystic charms

Fantastic things begin

When I am in your arms

When we walk hand in hand

The world becomes a wonderland

It's magic

How else can I explain those rainbows

When there is no rain?

It's magic

Why do I tell myself

These things that happen

Are all really true?

When in my heart I know the magic

Is my love for you

Gee, now, that's a beautiful song.

It's magic

There's something about the way you sing, l don't know, it does something to me.

It's magic

Why do I tell myself

These things that happen

Are all really true?

-When in my heart I know -When in my heart I know

-The magic is my love for you -The magic is my love for you

Here you are.

-Will you have dinner with me tonight? -Why not?

We've had it together every night so far.

-Just a moment, sir. -l gotta catch that boat.

Your tickets.

Don't you trust me?

Your table or mine?

Say, l've got an idea. What about table nine?

-Table nine? -That's in a nice dark corner.

-Georgia. -What's the matter?

Nothing. lf l'm gonna be ready in time, l'd better start dressing right now.

-Wait a minute. What's the hurry? -l'll see you later.

Georgia.

May l help you, sir?

Well, you're not exactly my type, but you can take my bags.

-Good evening, madam. -Good evening.

-Did you give the message to Mr. Virgil? -Yes, madam.

l told him that you weren't having dinner because you were indisposed.

-Thank you. -Yes, madam.

-Did you bring a little herring? -Yes, madam. Marinated.

The purse is right over there, help yourself.

lt's all right, l overtip.

Thank you so much, ma'am.

-Who is it? -lt's me, Peter. How do you feel?

Terrible. Just terrible.

Well, we'll fix you right up. l brought a doctor.

l don't need a doctor. l just want to be left alone.

But l can't stand in this passageway all night, young lady.

lt's drafty, and l'm catching cold.

Take two aspirins and go to bed.

Thank you very much. lt sounds like a very good idea. l'll do that.

But first, l'll have to examine you.

lt might be something contagious, you know.

All right, doctor. Just a minute.

Come in.

You better stay outside. We don't want to start an epidemic.

Now, tell me, where does it hurt?

Everywhere.

Oh, well, then, l suppose we should start looking someplace.

-Yes, let me see your tongue. -What's the matter?

Oh, l get dizzy when l bend. l must be coming down with something.

Oh, thank you very much, yes. Oh, may l feel your pulse?

Yes.

You might as well feel mine.

lf you'd be so kind. Thank you.

Yes, your pulse is normal.

Yours is fast.

l was sure of it.

Well, l suppose l ought to tap something.

-Here. -Oh, thank you so much.

Now say, ''Ah.''

-My diagnosis was correct. -What do you recommend, doctor?

-A sea voyage. -A sea--

But then we're on one, aren't we? l'm so sorry. How silly of me.

l'll give you an injection and put you to sleep.

That shouldn't do you any harm.

Will it hurt, doctor?

Well, it shouldn't, but l'm a bit clumsy, you know.

-Couldn't l just read myself to sleep? -No, l'm afraid not. Now just one moment.