Original subtitles

Tj: ah, halloween-- One of those times of year

When school and fun just naturally come together.

This year seemed like it would be the same--

Decorations were up all over.

Some people were already wearing their costumes.

And the smell of candy was in the air.

Mmm mmm mmm.

All of us were really looking forward to halloween.

Well, actually, all of us except spinelli.

Gus: hey, where is spinelli anyway?

Probably late, makin' a big old batch

Of fake blood. She'll catch up to us.

Tj: i was wrong. Spinelli wouldn't catch up to us.

'Cause that morning,

She changed in a way none of us expected.

But anyhow, i think i'm getting ahead of myself.

The fact is, we'd seen a whole lot of changes lately,

And it all started over a month ago.

It was the first day of school, and guess what?

Me and the guys weren't fourth graders anymore.

Finally we moved on up to fifth grade.

[Boom]

Tj: well, guys, here she is--

Good old third street school.

Gus: you know, teej, the old place

Really does grow on you.

And mother nature has prepared

An idyllic day for our return.

Yeah, check it out.

The birds are chirping, the grass is green,

And the place is just crawlin'

With suckers to beat at kickball.

That's the spirit, vince. And remember,

School's gonna be it's rockin'-Est yet

'Cause this year, we're fifth graders.

Fifth graders get their own lockers.

I can finally keep my inventions safe from foreign spies.

I can actually be second in line

To slide down old rusty.

Oh, baby, just you wait till recess.

I can hardly wait for the lunch in the cafeteria.

My fifth grade taste buds

Are much more sophisticated, you know.

As for me, well, believe it or not,

I actually look forward to being in class.

What the--

I know, spinelli. It sounds crazy.

But don't forget-- This year we have miss milki.

Oh, man! I love miss milki!

Everyone loves miss milki, vince,

'Cause she loves us kids. I'm tellin' ya,

Fifth grade is gonna be the best year yet.

All right, hooligans, settle down.

My name is miss finster,

And i'm your fifth grade teacher.

[Crying]

What's your problem? You got something in your eye?

Go to the nurse and get it fixed.

[Crying]

Uh, miss finster?

What is it, detweiler?

What happened to miss milki?

We were kinda expecting her to be our teacher.

Milki transferred out! Luckily for you,

I was available to take her place. Randall?

Yes, miss finster?

I'll need a class informant. You're it.

Oh, boy, miss finster!

Fifth grade is gonna be the best grade ever!

Of course it will, 'cause it'll have discipline,

Homework, tests, and more discipline.

All right, now. Take out your pencils.

I want a 3,000-Word essay

On what you hooligans did during the summer

And how you were punished for doin' it.

[Dramatic music playing]

Vince: that was the most

Whoppingly awful experience of all time.

Ok, so having finster for a teacher is a setback.

But i got a feeling i can break her down.

I can't believe she gave us 6 textbooks!

Who needs 6 textbooks?

Books...heavy.

Must...put...down!

Well, i think this is an excellent opportunity

To utilize our new lockers.

They ought to be right over...

egad! The lockers! They're gone!

What happened to 'em?

Hello, fifth grade chums.

If you are looking for the lockers,

They were all replaced by these inspirational posters.

I especially like this one.

What are we supposed to do with all our stuff?

Can't... hold...on.

Ah-Ah-Ah. "School is for learning,"

Not complaining. Ta ta.

Oh! [Thud]

Ok, so we don't get lockers,

And we got finster as our teacher.

Big deal. There's still lots of other great stuff

About school, right?

How very true, tj.

For instance, carrying these textbooks

Has given me quite an appetite.

There you go, mikey.

Who's up for lunch in the cafeteria?

Now you're talkin'.

Gus: as i recall, on the first day of school,

They usually serve pizza.

Ah, yes! I love pizza!

Tj: tender.

Um, this doesn't look like pizza.

For the love of butter, what is it?!

It's nutrition paste.

All part of a new and improved cafeteria menu.

Do you mean to tell me that instead of tasty,

Kid-Friendly entr�es,

We're now going to be served

Nutrition paste every day?

Of course not.

On tuesday we got nutrition log,

On wednesday we got nutrition lumps,

On thursday we got nutrition loaf,

And on friday we got zesty macaroni and nutrition.

Bon app�tit.

All right, so they took away our teacher,

They took away our lockers,

And they took away our lunch.

At least we still got recess.

[All gasp]

[Dramatic music playing]

[Rumbling]

[Clang]

Kid: hey!

No! Not old rusty!

No-O-O-O-O!

Sorry, kid. District orders.

[Horn honks]

I can't believe this.

They took away the whole playground!

Why would they do that?

Are they mad?

Oh, never again to roll about

In the fresh green clover.

Or to make necklaces of dandelions

Or hats of mud.

They haven't just take our playground.

They've taken our childhood!

And now they've gone too far.

Attention, students.

This is principal prickly speaking.

Now, you may have noticed a few changes

Around your school today,

And these are nothing to be concerned about.

They're all part of the board of education's

New school improvement policy,

So i hope you'll all enjoy your new, improved--

Aah! Tj, what are you doing in my office?

I'm here for answers, sir.

But i'm in the middle of addressing the students.

Sir, i suggest you sign off,

'Cause the way i'm feelin', i might just say something

That kindergartners shouldn't hear.

Uh, that's all for now.

Just go back to your fun.

All right, tj,

I understand if you're upset.

Upset? Sir, with all due respect,

You've ruined our school!

Don't go blaming me, tj. It wasn't my idea.

And besides, no one's ruining school.

The board of education just made a few changes is all.

They paved over our playground!

Well, the board feels that maintaining

A field of grass and play equipment

Diverts money that can better be used elsewhere.

Like for these nifty pre-Recorded announcements,

For instance.

Woman's voice: less play, more studying. That is all.

What?!

She sounds like a very nice lady.

What about the lockers?

The board of ed feels that inspirational posters

Are a more meaningful use of wall space,

And the more time spent holding your books, the better.

And that gray gunk they're serving at lunch?

Nutrition paste contains all the vitamins

Children need for maximum learning potential.

[Grunts] that is all here in the improvement plan.

But, sir, i thought you remembered what it was like

To be a kid, and to kids,

All this stuff is just crummy.

Look, tj, to be honest with you,

I'm not so sure about this whole plan myself.

But the board has ordered it.

There's nothing i can do.

You can say no.

I can't go up against the board of education.

I'll lose my job. Then they'll just replace me

With someone who will go along with them.

But principal prickly--

Listen, tj,

There's something you have to understand.

I know i seem like a big boss around here,

But compared to the board, i'm just a little guy,

And there are times when the little guy can't change

The way things are done. Do you understand?

Yes, sir. I think i do.

Thank you.

So, what'd prickly say?

He says there are times when the little guy

Just has to accept the way things are.

You mean, school's gonna be like this forever?!

Oh, i didn't say that, gus.

I didn't say that at all.

Mother: tj, time for school!

Come on down and eat your toast.

It's getting cold.

Don't waste your breath, mom.

Tj's not coming down.

Not coming down?

What's the matter? Is he sick?

He's always been sick.

Watch the slander, becky.

Hey, i don't know what his problem is.

All he told me was that he wasn't coming down,

And that was good enough for me.

You'd better see what's going on, dear.

I'd better see what's going on.

[Humming]

Mother: tj? Hi, mom.

Tj, it's time to come down now.

Honey, your door's locked.

It's not just locked, mom.

It's barricaded. Barricaded?

But, honey, why?

And how will you get to school?

That won't be a problem, mom,

'Cause as of this morning,

I'm never going back to school again.

Hi, dweebs.

Uh, hi, becky.

Is tj ready for school?

Nope. Not by a long shot.

What do you mean?

Oh, he's just locked himself in his room,

Barricaded the door, and claims he's never coming out.

Typical freak behavior.

Now excuse me, little kiddies.

Normal people like me have to get to class.

Let's hope it's an obedience school.

Assuming just this once

That becky's telling the truth,

Why would tj lock himself in his room?

Indeed. Quite the conundrum.

I say we investigate.

Tj, confound it. Open up already.

Sorry, dad, but i cannot in good conscience do that.

Tj, this little prank is getting very serious.

If you don't go to school right now,

You'll get a tardy!

Yeah, and if i don't leave for work right now,

My boss is gonna give me a tardy.

Come out soon, tj, or you're grounded.

Tj: that's ok with me.

Oh, dear me.

He's definitely going to be tardy.

I better call the school.

I've taken my stand.

What happens next is in the hands of fate.

[Thump] what the--

[Squeak]

Hello, tj.

Sorry about the banana.

It was the softest thing in mikey's lunch.

What's goin' on?

Oh, it's pretty simple, actually.

I've stopped going to school.

Stopped going to school? You can't do that!

He can't, can he?

According to the adults in power, no, he can't.

Well, i say they can't take our school

And turn it into a boring, crummy place.

I guess now we'll find out which one of us is right.

A lone student staging an act

Of civil disobedience

Against an entire board of education.

What a revolutionary concept.

What's a revolutionary concept?

Yeah, guys, what's goin' on?

Tj says he's never going back to school, ever!

He's staying right there in his room.

Really? Whoa, cool.

Cool? What's cool?

If something's cool, you totally have to tell us.

Tj's locked up in his room.

He says he's never going back to school, ever!

All: scandalous!

What's so scandalous?

Eww. Spill it!

Oh, all right.

You sort of are a fellow kid and all.

You see, tj...

detweiler's never coming back to school!

Yeah? So what?

I tried never coming back to school

Dozens of times.

But he's doing it for us!

Tj detweiler staying home in protest?

I must spread this news to the 4 corners of the playground!

Everyone, tj detweiler's staying home from school.

All: whoa!

Ooga-Chooga! Ooga-Chooga!

The kid no go to school!

[All cheering]

We go give him support!

[All cheering]

[School bell rings]

All right. Good morning, malcontents.

It's time to learn!

Today's math test will have 500 questions--

All word problems.

I hope you shifty punks

Brought plenty of number 2 pencils.

What the-- Where the blazes is everyone?

[All chattering]

[Gasps] good gracious!

Where did all you children come from?

We heard tj wasn't going to school. Is it true?

I got odds going 3 to 1 that it is.

Well, yes, i'm afraid it is.

He won't come out of his room.

So it is true, eh? Tj's ditching school.

My first big scoop as a fifth grade informant.

[All chattering]

All right, everyone, settle down.

Let's have some order, please.

Order? What are you talkin' about?

My students have all gone awol!

This is anarchy!

Mine are gone, too!

It's downright trippy!

Are you telling me there are no students

In the entire school?

Yes, sir, we must find the children

Before something terrible happens.

Yeah, like if the school board finds out,

I'll lose my job.

Where in tarnation are they?

Randall: i know exactly where they are.

What? What did he say?

That's right. It's me--Randall,

Bringing you the goods once again.

You see, when i noticed all the kids

Running out of the school yard,

My instincts told me something big was up. So i--

Just tell me where the children are!

They're at tj's house.

Detweiler!

Why is it always detweiler?

Seems naughty tj's refusing to come to school,

And everyone else is there to support him.

They say it's a revolution, and if i know my history,

Revolutions involve executions.

Don't get carried away, boy.

The best we can hope for is juvenile hall.

That'll do.

All: tj! Tj! Tj!

[All cheer]

Goodness, tj.

Your protest seems to have gathered momentum.

But surely you can't sit in your room indefinitely.

Hey, i got my comic books

And i got my political cause.

A right-Thinkin' kid doesn't need any more than that.

But what about food? With nothing to eat,

You'll shrink into a tiny skeleton.

Not to worry, mike-O.

I raided the pantry last night and stocked up.

I got enough gelatin mix, spaghetti noodles,

And tomato paste to last me for a good long time.

But, tj, what about--

Don't worry, gus. I got my own bathroom.

Jeez, teej, you thought of everything.

Yep, and so far,

Everything's going according to plan.

So, what happens next?

[Horn honks] [all gasp]

What happens next is prickly shows up.

[Tires screech]

Look at all these kids. I haven't seen

A crowd like this since woodstock.

What's your plan, sir? Shall i call the cops?

Aah! No! We've got to keep this quiet.

I'll talk to detweiler myself.

Should we watch detweiler get in trouble

From the car, miss finster?

No, randall.

Let's savor this up close.

Ooh, zesty.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Get out of the--

Ow!

Well, if you don't want to get stepped on,

Stay in class.

Tj detweiler,

As your principal, i order you

To come out of your room right now!

With all due respect, sir,

Since i quit school, you're not my principal anymore,

And i don't have to follow your orders.

Come on, tj.

Because of you, nobody's going to school.

That's not my problem, sir.

What do you want from me?

Well, for starters, i'd like a nice, hot,

Tasty lunch in the cafeteria.

Not just for me, but for every kid at school.

[All cheer]

I want the kickball field back,

And the basketball hoops, and old rusty, too.

And lockers!

[All cheer]

I understand skipping school is wrong.

I know studying and learning are good for me.

But the way i see it,

None of the new changes help with any of that stuff.

They just make school a crummy place to be.

All i ask, sir,

Is that you give us back the school we love,

And if this is what it takes to get it,

Then i'm willing to face the consequences.

[All cheer]

Now, tj, i already told you,

The changes are official board of ed policy.

I can't do anything about them.

Then i'm afraid i can't come down!

Kids: ooh.

Well, that didn't go well.

That didn't go well.

[Sirens] ah! What's that?

It's the cops, sir.

Whoo-Hoo! The fuzz!

Oh, no. It's not the cops.

It's worse. It's the board of education!

[Sirens blaring]

[Tires screech]

I'm truant officer mclellan.

This is truant officer mcdooly...

board of education.

Oh, why, whatever brings you here?

We understand you have a situation.

Oh, i'd hardly call it a situation.

It's just a harmless boy who's locked himself

In his bedroom.

I have it completely under control.

[Knocks on window]

It seems he's still up there.

Well, for now.

Who told you people about this anyway?!

We're the b.O.E. We know everything.

We're taking over, principal prickly.

This case is now board of education jurisdiction.

If you have a problem with that, i recommend

You take it up with the school board members themselves.

They're right over there.

The board members-- Here? Now?

Report, officer mclellan.

What seems to be the problem?

Our intel was accurate, sir.

It's a kid who won't go to school.

I see.

Ladies, gentlemen, i'm afraid

It's every bit as serious as we feared.

Refusing to go to school is a code white situation.

Call it in.

Code white. I repeat--Code white.

Man: roger that. Code received.

Please confirm.

Will do. Over and out.

Sir, we've got a code white.

Very well.

[Beeping]

Yes?

I will eliminate the problem.

[Dramatic music playing]

Kelly, i'm standing in front of the house

Where 10-Year-Old tk dudwaller

Is refusing to go to school.

According to our sources, the boy is upset

About some new board of education policies.

With me are the 5 members

Of the state board of education,

Along with board supervisor

Milton brown. Mr. Brown,

What about these new school policies?

Are they good for our students?

Studies have shown that the policies are good

For our children and good for the schools.

The board and i support them unanimously.

[All agree]

There you have it. As for young tk,

Neighbors say he was always a strange child

Who refused to go anywhere

Without his red baseball cap.

Hey, tj! Tj! You're on the news!

Way to go, teej!

The people have heard you.

Your long struggle is finally over.

Not yet, mikey.

But i've got a feeling the end has just begun.

[Blades whirring]

Oh, no. Not the helicopter.

That can only mean one thing.

Mr. White.

The ultimate enforcer

Of board of ed policy.

[Blades slowing down]

[Dramatic music playing]

Tj detweiler.

Bring it on, mr. White. Bring it on.

Ah, mr. White.

How wonderful to see you.

I trust i can be of help to you.

You can get out of my way, prickly.

You have failed. You are irrelevant.

You, you, come with me.

[Ding-Dong]

Oh, hello. And who are you?

My name is mr. White, ma'am.

I'm with the board of education.

If you don't mind, my associates and i

Would like a word with your son theodore.

Oh, there's no need for that.

I've called my husband. He'll be home

In half an hour if traffic is good.

That's just what i would expect a loving,

Brilliant parent such as yourself to say,

Mrs. Detweiler. It is?

And i completely agree with you.

There is nothing more beneficial

To a young man's character

Than healthy communication with his parents.

Some of my fondest memories are of sitting

On my pappy's knee, exchanging information.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yes, it is. But unfortunately,

Half an hour is simply too long to wait.

Tj is setting a very unfortunate example

For all those other children out there.

Any moment now, his disobedience will become

Ingrained in their impressionable brains

And spread to other children--

Friends, relatives e-Mail buddies.

Disobedience leads to chaos, madness.

Madness is very bad for little children.

Wouldn't you say, mrs. Detweiler?

Why, yes. I guess it is.

Then please let me help your child

And all the children of the world.

We're the board of education. That's what we do.

Oh, well, all right.

His room is upstairs on the left.

Thank you, mrs. Detweiler.

Brew me a pot of darjeeling tea, if you will.

I'm parched.

Is instant ok?

[Knock on door]

Hello, mr. White. Long time no see.

Tj detweiler.

I imagine you're feeling quite full of yourself

After defeating me on that whole whomps issue.

It's not a matter of beating you, sir.

I'm just trying to do what's right.

So you can forget about asking me to come out.

Oh, i have no intention of asking you to come out.

You don't? Oh, no, tj.

Principal prickly already tried that.

I'm going to allow you to stay in there

Just as long as you want.

You are? Yes.

Of course, please don't blame me

If, during your absence, your friends start to find

Their lives becoming-- Oh, how shall we say it--

Uh...unpleasant.

Whatchoo talkin' about, white?

Well, even if you don't go to school, tj,

I assume your friends still will,

And i just happen to know that the school board

Is considering a 12-Hour school day,

Doubling the homework load,

Flavoring the nutrition paste with broccoli and liver.

I've tried very hard to fight them on these issues.

But if i can't even convince one child

To leave his bedroom,

Who's going to take me seriously?

That's a dirty trick, mr. White!

There's nothing wrong with a dirty trick, tj,

When it's used for a greater good.

Ok, then you win.

I'll unbarricade my door and come out.

Well, i wonder if my tea is ready.

That was quicker than i expected.

[Clatter]

Aah!

What in the--

Detweiler! That was a dirty trick!

Detweiler? Where is he?

The magpie has flown!

The magpie has flown!

Don't just stand there.

He probably climbed out the window.

He's not out there.

That's impossible.

If he's not out there and he's not in here,

The only other place he could be is the--

Aha! There you are!

Detweiler!

I told you i'd leave my room.

I'm moving my protest to the roof!

Have it your way, boy. It's easy enough for me

To get on the roof. To the helicopter, men!

Oh, yeah. Oops.

Uhh!

[Crack]

Aah!

[Grunting]

So much for principaling.

Now i'll probably have to go to work

On my brother thurgood's lobster boat in alaska.

Tj: help! Help!

Help? Why should i help you, detweiler?

Thanks to you, i'm gonna lose my job,

While you just dangle from the roof.

Aah! Dangle from the roof?!

Hang on, tj! I'm coming!

Move it! Out of my way! Let me through!

Gretchen: what's happening, principal prickly?

Where is tj?

He's around the corner. I need a ladder, quick!

[Dramatic music playing]

I'm comin', tj!

Can't hold on much longer, sir!

Just another second!

Here's a ladder!

Hold it steady, kids.

All right, son. Uhh!

Now we're gonna work together.

On 3, i'll pull up on one hand,

While you pull up with the other. You got that?

Yes...sir.

1, 2, 3!

[Both grunting]

Oof!

[All cheer]

Thanks, sir.

Tj, are you out of your mind?

I mean, locking yourself in your room is one thing,

But you could've been killed up here.

I know. It was a dumb thing to do.

I don't know what got into me.

This whole protest of yours has gotten way out of hand.

You're gonna be in a lot of trouble when this is over.

But somebody had to do something

To look out for us kids. I mean, normally, sir,

I'd assume looking out for kids was part of your job.

Er...uh...well--

That's ok. I understand.

A grownup's gotta worry about makin' a living.

You've gotta buy cars and pants and houses.

But i'm just a kid. I can't stand around

And let bad stuff happen to people i care about.

'Cause the only thing i've got to lose

Is my self-Respect.

White: prickly, good work! You've captured him.

Bring him down here to me.

Lee and i will see that you get a promotion.

No, sir.

I cannot, in good conscience, do that.

This is no time for games, prickly.

Bring the boy down now,

Or it will cost you your job.

If keeping my job means going along

With your lousy policies,

Then i don't want it anymore.

I think i'd rather keep my self-Respect, too.

[Kids murmuring]

He's standing up to people he disagrees with,

Risking his job?

That's the most inspiring thing i've ever seen.

I-I'm with him!

What?

What are you talking about?

The truth is, i hate the new policy.

I just went along with it because you all like it.

I didn't want to disagree and get fired.

But i thought the plan was stupid.

I mean, paving over the playground? Come on!

I was just afraid to make waves.

Whew! I am so relieved

You guys feel the same way i do.

[All agreeing]

Just a moment, people.

You never liked the new policy.

I never liked the new policy.

Some so-Called experts recommended it,

And we were all too scared to voice our opposition?

Shame on us!

I hereby move that the new school policy

Is no longer in effect.

All in favor? All: aye.

The ayes have it.

School is back to normal!

[All cheer]

But--But you can't do that!

That would mean that--That child

Has beaten me again!

Yes, it's amazing, isn't it, tad?

We get so caught up in our grown-Up world,

That we forget--

The little guy really can make a difference.

Pool party at my place?

Whoo! Yeah!

All right! Whoo-Hoo!

Well done, tj.

Sir, i couldn't have done it without you.

[Music playing]

Well, guys, things are pretty much back to normal.

We've got our grass back, we've got our hoops back.

They're almost finished putting back old rusty!

Ok, kids.

[Kids cheer]

Thanks, teej. You really saved us.

You've brought the joy of learning

Back into our lives.

[Sniffs] ahh. And fish sticks, too!

We got everything you asked for.

Finster: all right, you sneaky little ne'er-Do-Wells.

Class starts in 5 minutes!

So, in 4 minutes, i expect you to stop playing

And start preparing to stop having fun!

Well, almost everything.

Don't worry about it, vince.

Like i say, i think i can break her down.

[Sniffs]

A sardine and onion sandwich.

Nice try, detweiler,

But you're not gonna break me down!

[Chomp]

Now, take out your pencils!

It's time for another test.

Heh heh.

Tj: all right, so maybe miss finster

Is one thing you just can't change.

[Bell rings] but around school,

Stuff was still changing all over.

For instance, last year's kindergartners

Moved up into first grade,

And had to start acting like normal kids.

Whoa!

Gimme ball! Gimme ball!

My ball! My ball!

Aah! Aah!

Hector, tubby, remember--

Now that you're big first graders,

You're to talk and act like normal children.

Oh! [Scoffs]

Excuse me.

May i have my ball back?

Pretty please?

Here you go. Aah!

Gimme ball! Gimme ball!

My ball! My ball!

Give it time.

The year has just begun.

Tj: another thing--

Since king bob moved on to middle school last year,

We got a new king--King freddy. Freddy's ok,

But i think he's still getting used to the job.

Your highness, this boy here was caught

Calling another boy "gooberhead."

[Gasps] gooberhead, you say?

I hereby decree that he be dragged

Across the playground by a team of third graders,

Soaked with fruit juice, rolled in a sandbox,

Then tied to the backstop until he mends his ways,

Or until the roly-Polies get him,

Whichever comes first.

Huh? Um, sir?

Don't you think that's a bit harsh?

[Sighs] oh, very well.

5 minutes time-Out for being naughty.

Whew.

[Humming]

Tj: but then, the biggest change of all,

Something that came as a complete surprise.

Greetings, fellow fifth graders.

What do you want, menlow?

We're kind of busy hangin' out.

And a fine job you're doing.

However, as king freddy's new messenger boy,

It is my official duty to tell you

That the king desires your presence.

We didn't do anything!

Oh, he doesn't want to punish you.

He has an important announcement,

Something i believe you'll enjoy.

Hurry, now. His highness doesn't like to be kept waiting.

An audience with the new king?

Whatever for, i wonder?

Something good?

Perhaps we're to be his merry band

Of court musicians!

Something better than that.

But school just started.

We don't deserve anything good yet.

Tj does. I do?

Well, yeah. You saved the school

From all those crummy rules. If i was king,

I'd give you the biggest reward i could think of.

Heck, i'd even make you a knight.

A knight? Really? You think he might?

It does seem logical.

What a magnificent gesture.

Hey, congratulations, teej.

Well, thanks, vince.

What are we waiting for? Let's go!

Ptoo! Blecch! Guard, what is this winger dinger

Doing in my mouth?

Uh, sir? You requested a winger dinger.

I specifically requested a muncherrific nut-Nut bar!

S-Sorry, your--

Oh, no. It is i who is sorry, guard...

for your sake.

Hmm. This calls for severe punishment.

Tj: your highness, we have arrived.

Huh? Who's there?

It's me, sir-- Tj and my friends.

And might i say it is with great humbleness

That i accept the honor you're about to give me.

Who is this boy,

And what is he babbling about?

Tj detweiler, your freddyness.

He's the boy who saved the school

From the board of education.

Oh, that old thing. Yes, yes, nifty.

No subject, kids. I've ordered you here

About an issue of actual importance.

Well, don't just stand there. Step back.

Your king approaches.

[Music playing]

[All grunt]

As king of this playground,

I hereby formally extend to you this invitation

To join the secret fifth and sixth graders club.

Fifth and sixth graders club? What's that?

Yeah, i never heard of it.

[All laugh]

[Laughter stops]

Of course you've never heard of it.

Until this year, you've been fourth graders.

The secrets of the top secret fifth and sixth graders club

Have been kept secret from you.

But what's the club for?

Yeah, what's in it for us?

Ah, this you may not know

Without first taking the oath.

Guard, the oath!

[Clears throat]

I, fifth or sixth grader,

Do hereby solemnly swear never to divulge the secrets

Of the secret fifth and sixth grader club

To anyone littler than a fifth or sixth grader...

[all agree]

Because if i do, then the king will think

Of a really bad punishment for me.

Excellent. Glad you big kids agree.

Now follow me.

Nothing personal, king freddy,

But this doesn't seem

Like much of a clubhouse.

Stop thinking like a fourth grader, detweiler.

This isn't the clubhouse.

Guards, any k-Through-4s watching?

We're clear, sir.

Very well.

[Dramatic music playing]

[Hisses]

All: whoa!

Yes, yes, that's what they all say.

You may enter after me.

A secret passageway?

This is my kind of club!

[All agree]

Whoa-Oh-Oh!

Uhh! Huh?

Quickly, gus, on your feet.

Yeah, so you can check it out.

Welcome to the fifth and sixth graders club.

[Laughing and chattering]

Well, they've done it.

Hello, newcomers.

Heya, buds.

Bottoms up.

Hi, guys. Hey.

All: like, pull up a cushion.

Hey, wait a minute.

Nobody told me the ashleys were gonna be in here.

Oh, yeah? But no one told you

We'd be in here, neither.

[Laughter]

Oh, man, you let lawson in here?

What kind of club is this?

Hey, hey, vince, it's ok. It's cool.

We're all fifth and sixth graders here.

So? So...

in the fifth and sixth graders club,

Fifth and sixth graders all get along.

There ain't no "us guys" and "them guys" no more.

Here, we're all "us guys",

Except the girls. They're "us girls."

What about randall?

Ah, he's a snitch,

And therefore, not a member.

Enjoy yourselves! And remember,

Keep this a secret from the little kids,

Or else...

well, vince, what do you say?

Join me and the guys in a game of crazy eights?

Well...what do you think, teej?

You wanna play?

What are you playin' for?

Cheesy pretzels.

There's a whole big bowl of them in the kitchen.

Count me in! You got it!

So, let me get this straight--

I can come hang out near you guys,

And you won't annoy me or act like snobs?

Of course not, silly.

Seeing as how we are all fifth and sixth graders.

Hey, they're putting up with me.

Something i would never have done in fourth grade.

Yeah, well, only i don't read

Those dumb teenybopper magazines,

So there's noth-- Holy palooka!

It's slamdown sally,

Queen of the wrestlin' trucker chicks!

Only the best for us big kids.

Move over, ladies. I'm comin' in!

Yee-Haw!

[Laughter]

Mikey: hey!

Don't do that.

Do this!

[Upbeat music playing]

[All belch]

[All sigh]

Man, oh, man.

That was some fun.

I tell ya, when i saw the look--

Little kids!

[Whistling]

[Kids laughing]

Good eye, gretch.

Yeah, close one.

Wouldn't want the little kids

Spoiling our fun.

Oh, i would be worried about spoiling

Much more than that.

What are you talkin' about?

Don't you see? The fifth and sixth grader club

Isn't just a place to have fun.

It's a utopian experiment in niceness and equality.

Yeah. For the first time in my life,

Big kids hung out with me. And they didn't beat me up!

Gelman even hugged me.

The club is one big hug, gus.

A rainbow hug of togetherness.

Uh, sure, mikey.

And as long as there are salty snack foods, i'm in there.

Let's go back tomorrow.

Vince: don't gotta ask me twice.

Ahh, the big kid life, mikey.

It's the way life was meant to be.

[Upbeat music playing]

[No audio]

[All laugh]

[Kids shouting]

Gus: well, my fifth grade friends,

Yet another recess.

Shall we head off to the clubhouse?

But of course.

I guess that's ok with me.

Although, gus, nothin' personal,

But you might want to lay off the snack foods.

Yeah, we've only been going there for a week,

And you've really packed on the pounds.

What, this? I guess that's club life for ya.

Ashley q. Says it makes me look very distinguished.

Yes, vince, and i've never heard lawson

Criticize gus's appearance.

Hey, i'm not criticizing. Just noticing is all.

Well, i am criticizing.

How come every time we go down there,

You end up hangin' out with those goons?

Please, spinelli, they're our friends.

Hey, guys, you wanna play kickball with us?

You know, a good old game of kickball

Actually does sound good.

But vince, they're fourth graders.

So? What do you say, guys?

Yeah. I think a little fresh air might do me good.

Cool! Count me in!

Then you're on.

Meet you on the field.

You got it.

All right!

You guys comin'?

You can't be serious.

Yeah, why would we hang out

On the playground with little kids

When we could be treated so great by big kids?

To the club, gus?

Naturally, mikey. To the club.

[Music playing]

[Laughter]

This is the very funniest joke

I've ever heard.

Hey, chums, i have another one.

Why did the fourth grader cross the road?

Beats me, gus. Why?

Because he started sucking his thumb

And lost control of his tricycle!

[All laugh]

There they are again,

Hangin' with their new buddies

And laughin' it up.

It's bad enough they hang out with those guys

In the clubhouse,

But now they're eatin' lunch with 'em, too?

I guess there's nothing wrong with that, is there?

I just figured by now

They'd get kinda sick of 'em.

[Laughter]

Yes, well, i hate to say this,

But i'm starting to get a little sick

Of gus and mikey.

They are getting a little annoying.

But it's nothing a little time

With your old buddies won't fix.

Come on, vince. Let's go talk to 'em.

And so the first grader says to the other first grader,

"Duh, what do i know?

I'm just a dumb first grader." Get it?

[All laugh]

Hey, guys.

Hello, tj and vince.

Pull up 2 chairs, fifth graders.

Oh, thanks, but no thanks.

We just wanted to see if mikey and gus

Would like to come eat with us.

Thanks, tj, but we're having

A pretty good time over here.

Yeah, i can hear you laughing.

You guys are always laughing.

What's so funny anyway?

Why, everyone

But us fifth and sixth graders!

Little kids are pint-Sized,

And they don't even know their knowledge yet.

They're pathetically amusing.

But i thought you guys liked little kids.

Oh, vince,

It's only a bit of harmless fun.

Yeah, what they don't know won't hurt 'em.

And believe me, those guys are so dumb,

They don't know nothin'!

[All laughing]

Fellows, i think i'm done with my lunch.

Let's head out for some after-Lunch eating at the club.

[All agree]

[Somber music playing]

[Kids chattering]

Don't be strangers, tj.

You're always welcome at the club.

They've gone over to the bad side, teej.

We've lost them for good.

You might be right, vince.

But on the other hand, maybe they're right.

At least one last time,

Maybe we should drop in at the club.

Menlow: ah, good morning, five and sixers.

Here bright and early

For your regular visit to the steam room?

Sorry to drag you out here before school, menlow.

Such is one's fate

When one is the king's messenger boy

And locksmith lad.

Follow me. I'll open up the clubhouse.

Assuming there are no little children watching,

I'll simply--Hello!

The entrance-- It's already open!

But that can't be!

[Footsteps]

The only people who know the combination

Are the king and me!

Someone broke in?

I must alert king freddy.

What do we do?

Who do you think is in there?

It's a deadly killer thief!

Carrillo, go in and find out.

Ok.

Carrillo: aw, shoot. It's just some fifth graders.

Detweiler? What are you guys doing down here?

We just thought we'd drop by for an early morning visit.

What a wonderful coincidence. So did we.

Yeah, only we should probably let you know--

We invited a few special guests along, too,

And they aren't fifth or sixth graders.

Hi, big kids.

Nice place you got here.

[All gasp]

Are you out of your brain?!

Those 2 guys are first graders!

You can't bring them in here!

How come not?

You're a little kid!

That's right, hector and tubby.

And this clubhouse is for big kids.

I don't understand.

Yeah, guys, i'm sorry, but you gotta

Explain things better to hector and tubby here.

They are just first graders, after all.

So, why is it again they can't come in here?

Mikey? Gus?

Well...because--

Because they--

'Cause first graders are a bunch of babies, that's why!

They ruin everything.

They're stupid.

They got no manners.

They smell like cat food.

Hey! Now wait just a minute!

Wait a minute nothing!

All my life, i worked to be a big kid,

And i ain't lettin' some little babies ruin it!

But you can't just say such terrible things

Right in front of them.

What's your problem? You've been sayin' stuff

Behind their backs all along.

Now, come on. Are you big kids or not?

I am a big kid,

But i have a feeling i've been a very bad one.

Gosh, mikey, we've been jerks.

Uhh! What's going on here? I demand to know.

Detweiler and those guys let these 2 first grader guys

Into the fifth and sixth grade clubhouse!

First graders? This is a betrayal of everything

The fifth and sixth grader club stands for!

I have no choice but to think up

The most severe punishment imaginable.

Then, sir, you're gonna have to punish me, too.

And me, because we truly deserve it.

Hector, tubby,

We're very, very sorry.

Very well, then. I shall punish you all.

No, freddy. No, you shall not.

King bob!

What are you doin' here?

I thought you were in seventh grade now.

I am, but detweiler contacted me last night

And asked for my help. As a former king,

I was able to let my friends here in ahead of you.

But why would you do such a thing?

Surely you realize that--

I realize i've heard

Some very disturbing things, freddy.

This clubhouse, this place of leisure,

It has become a hotbed of intolerance

Toward little kids.

So, what's wrong with that?

What do i care what you say?

You don't even go here no more.

No, i don't. But next year,

When you move on to the seventh grade,

I'll be an eighth grader,

Waiting for you.

And then you'll see what's wrong with it.

Oh.

Hector, tubby,

Please forgive me.

Yeah, i don't know what got into us.

Well, gus, this place is pretty cool.

It's easy to see why you hung around here so much.

But i guess if all you do is hang around

With people who are just like you,

You start forgetting how other people feel.

And sometimes you even start thinking

You're better than them.

Well spoken, detweiler.

I see your speech-Making abilities have not declined

In my absence.

As for you, freddy, your job is to see

That all kids are treated fairly,

Even the little ones. Remember,

There will always be kids who are bigger than you,

Who consider you a little kid, too.

Nevertheless, detweiler and his friends

Have broken the rules, and therefore,

They are to be covered in lard,

Dragged across the monkey bars,

And cooked by the cafeteria ladies.

Uh, don't you think that's a bit harsh?

Uhh. Oh, very well.

They are hereby kicked out

Of the fifth and sixth graders club.

That's ok with me.

Both: us, too.

Lawson: well, ha ha ha.

Hey, dumbweiler.

Yeah, that's right, detwiener, i'm talkin' to you,

And all your friends, too, you big bunch of losers!

Now that you're kicked out of the club,

What do you say we play you at kickball

And prove what a bunch of losers you really are?

What do i say? I say you're on!

All: yeah!

And i also say, it's great to see

That things are back to normal.

Tj: and things really did seem back to normal.

Week after normal week went by.

September turned into october.

Gus got some exercise and lost all that weight.

Gus: aaaaaaah!

Tj: but the new school year had one more surprise

In store for us,

All of which brings me back to where i began my tale--

Halloween.

Believe it or not,

This year, halloween came close

To being the worst night ever.

[Scary music playing]

Gus: aah! It's hideous!

It's terrifying!

And it's just the costume i'm looking for.

Gus griswald is... garnoff the bulbous!

When's school is out today,

I'm headin' right in there and buyin' it.

Good choice, gus.

Yeah, garnoff is wicked.

Wonderfully wicked. Unfortunately,

That girl in there seems to think so, too.

Huh?

No!

Mr. Kelso, you can't sell that!

[Muffled] it's the last one in the store!

Happy halloween to you, too, gus.

Aw, now what am i gonna do?

Don't sweat it, gus.

You've got a whole 12 hours

Till the official start of trick or treating.

I bet you've already got a great costume.

Yeah, what are you goin' as this year?

Tj: well, with all respects to garnoff,

Who doesn't really exist,

I'm going as the real scariest thing on earth--

A flesh-Eating zombie.

A zombie? That is so old school.

You want scary? 3 little words--

Grave-Robbing ghoul.

Oh, please. Talk about old school.

Um, excuse me,

But what exactly is the difference

Between a flesh-Eating zombie

And a grave-Robbing ghoul?

Oh, you'll see tonight.

The flesh-Eating zombie will be the scary one.

Nuh-Uh. He'll be the one gettin' his pants scared off

By the grave-Robbing ghoul.

I'm sure you'll both be very scary.

But no one will be as frightening as spinelli.

Oh, yeah! Spinelli always has the best costume.

Remember last year when she was a mutant

With pus shooting out of her eyes?

A tasty concoction of spray cheese

And pistachio pudding.

Yeah. I gotta admit, she was scary.

And she sure raked in the candy.

Nobody has the halloween spirit like spinelli.

Gus: hey, where is spinelli anyway?

Tj: probably late makin' a big old batch of fake blood.

She'll catch up to us.

Spinelli?

Oh. Hey, guys.

It's halloween. What are you doing in class

Before the bell even rings?

Oh, well, you know,

Early to bed, early to rise. Heh.

[Bell rings]

All right, quiet down, you miscreants,

And happy halloween.

I know how you all love this day,

So i've prepared a special treat.

[Kids murmur]

Yam cupcakes with prune icing!

There's only enough for one apiece, so don't be greedy!

Uh, miss finster?

Thanks for the cupcakes and all,

But i can't help wondering,

How come you dressed up as a big mosquito?

A mosquito? I'm not a mosquito.

I'm a fairy princess!

Randall: why, miss finster, what a surprise!

Look at me. I'm dressed as a fairy prince!

I had no idea we'd match, but isn't it great?

Sorry, randall. This is the one day of the year

When you don't get points for kissin' up.

Aw.

All right. Phase 2 of our classroom fun.

I need someone to lead us

Singin' sweet tooth igor, the candy-Lovin' vampire bat.

Spinelli!

You're a big fan of halloween traditions.

Start singin'!

Uh, thanks,

But no, thanks, miss finster.

Both: like, pick us, miss finster, pick us!

We are such totally better singers anyway.

All right, ashleys, front and center.

And after that, we'll bob for pickles.

Then, a spelling test. Enjoy.

[Halloween music playing]

™� igor the sweet-Toothed vampire bat ♪

™� had very, very pointy fangs ♪

™� and if he ever landed on you ♪

™� you might jump and shout all day ♪

™� but don't be scared of igor ♪

™� 'cause if you wanna know the truth ♪

™� he never bites us humans ♪

™� 'cause he's got a very, very sweet tooth ♪

I've got it! I'll dress up as zool,

Armored ogre of doom.

I know no other kid's

Gonna be dressed as zool.

Excuse me, people. Out of my way, please.

Step aside, now. You don't wanna mess with zool.

It's ok, gus.

You'll think of something else.

I'm sure he will, vince.

But you know what i'm thinkin'?

How come we're all standin' in line

For our halloween mystery lunch,

But spinelli's sittin' over there,

Eatin' a bad lunch from home?

Well, that's weird.

The cafeteria's mystery lunch

Is one of the high points of the holiday.

[Sniffs] mm. Mysterious.

Not as mysterious as spinelli.

Come on.

Hi there, spinelli.

Mind if we sit with you?

Autumn is the season of togetherness, after all.

Uh, sure. Pull up a bench.

I gotta say, spinelli,

I'm a little worried about you.

It's halloween,

But you didn't walk with us this morning,

You didn't sing in class,

And now you're not even eatin' the mystery lunch.

Could it be that you simply wore

The spinelli costume to school,

But you're really not spinelli at all?

All right, gelman, enough already!

Come out of there!

It's ok, gus. It's me.

I've just changed, is all.

What are you talking about?

Look, i didn't want to bother you guys with this

'Cause i knew you'd be all into halloween,

And i didn't want to spoil it for you.

That, spinelli, is impossible.

So, continue.

[Sighs] well, ok.

It all happened yesterday

At the pumpkin patch.

[Harp chords]

Spinelli: it started out like every other trip

I've taken to the pumpkin patch every halloween.

I was really lookin' forward to it.

Father: here we are, pooky--

Colonel jack's pumpkin patch.

Isn't it great, honey? This place hasn't changed

Since we first brought you here as a baby.

I'm gonna go pick out

The freakiest-Lookin' pumpkin i can find!

Too round.

Too cute.

Too pretty.

Too smooth.

Aha! Perfect!

You are gonna make the ugliest,

Scariest--Uhh--

Creepiest jack-O'-Lantern on the block.

Lawson: jack-O'-Lantern?

Well, well, well.

Spinelli's gonna make

A little-Bitty jack-O'-Lantern.

What do you know about that?

[All laugh]

Beat it, lawson!

And so what if i'm makin' a jack-O'-Lantern?

You guys got pumpkins, too!

Oh, we ain't gonna carve 'em.

We're gonna bust 'em open with heavy stuff.

I got a brick for my birthday.

Hey, spinelli,

I bet you're goin' out trick-Or-Treatin'.

Of course i am.

Well, that's just hilarious.

You're a fifth grader! Next thing you know,

You'll be in sixth grade, like us.

And then in eight grade, and whatever comes next.

So what? So....

halloween is for babies!

Look around!

You're the oldest kid out here,

Except for us.

Me want pumpkin! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Lawson: spinelli's a fifth grade baby!

Ha ha! You gotta stop

Trick-Or-Treatin' sometime, spinelli.

So when's it gonna be?

None of your business, lawson. Now beat it!

Oh, we'll beat it, spinelli.

Yes, we will beat it. Come on, guys.

[All laugh]

Stupid goombahs.

Mother: oh, sweetie.

I see you've already got a pumpkin.

Hey, that's a beauty.

Well, not really. But good job.

Thanks.

Uh, can we go now?

Go? But we just got here.

Don't you want to make a candy apple witch?

You always make a candy apple witch.

Uh, you know, i kinda suddenly

Just don't feel like it,

So let's buy the pumpkin and go, ok?

Well, all right. But not before

I get a picture of you sitting on the giant pumpkin.

I've got a picture of you every year

Since you were a baby.

[Crying]

Smile, sweetie. [Click]

Oh, what a good girl.

That'll make an adorable picture.

Ok, sweetie, your turn.

There you go.

Now smile and say, "spooky."

[Sighs] spook...y?

Aah!

[Kids chattering]

Yay! We play in messy pumpkin stuff!

[All laughing]

Aw, baby, i'm so sorry.

I guess you've gotten too big to sit on the pumpkin.

Who'd have thought, pooky?

Boy, you really must be growing up.

[Harp chords]

And so, there you have it.

For the first time in his life,

Lawson was right about something.

I am too big for halloween.

That's crazy talk, spinelli.

You can't give up halloween

Just because of a defective pumpkin.

It's not just the pumpkin. It's me.

Suddenly i'm just not into it.

You don't know what you're sayin'.

You'll get back into it

As soon as you put on your costume.

And once we get our trick-Or-Treating.

All: yeah.

Look, guys, i told you i really didn't want

To talk about this with you.

I don't have a costume,

So you go ahead and make your plans without me.

'Cause my trick-Or-Treatin' days are over.

[Music playing]

Mother: all right, sweetie.

There's a number on the fridge

Where you can reach us tonight.

Oh, and did i tell you? There's more candy

In the pantry if you run low.

Only about a hundred times.

Hey, are you sure you don't wanna go trick-Or-Treatin'?

Yeah, dad. For the 200th time,

I'm sure.

Well, i guess that's everything, then.

Whoa. Not everything.

Put this on when you answer the door.

The kids'll love it!

I'm not puttin' the mask on, dad.

Remember? I'm too old.

Whatever you think is best, pooky,

But i'm tellin' ya, it's a hoot.

[Sighs] whatever.

We'll be back by 10:00, sweetie.

Happy halloween!

Thanks.

Whew. Finally, a little peace and quiet.

Tv announcer: now, back to

The four numbskulls meet the vampire's ghost.

Ahh. Now, you never get too old for this.

[Doorbell rings]

Jeez, the tiny tots are arrivin' already.

Oh. Hi, guys. Nice costumes.

Toilet paper, gus? Yep.

Well, i guess you came for some candy.

Take all you want.

We didn't come for candy, spinelli.

We came for you.

Aw, come on!

I told you, i'm not trick-Or-Treatin'.

That's what you said earlier today.

But it's the witchin' hour.

Surely now you can't resist.

Look, sorry, but i've outgrown halloween.

Once you've outgrown something,

You just can't unoutgrow it.

I say you're wrong. All you're thinkin' about

Is your crummy time at the pumpkin patch.

What you should be thinkin' about is

All the great times we have on halloween night,

Like at the adelmans'.

[Harp chords]

[Laughs] here you go, children!

Happy halloween!

Happy halloween! Ah ha ha ha!

Tj: tons of candy just spooned into our bags.

Vince: and hey, what about all the thrills and chills?

Like the old mcpherson place.

I mean, having to walk through a graveyard--

Get out of here!

Tj: and that creepy dude with the candy.

I don't think mr. Mcpherson even knows he's there.

[Moans] [all scream]

Gretchen: what truly terrifies me

Is having to walk past the old, abandoned prison.

You just know there's an unreformed felon inside,

Watching you.

[Owl hoots] [all scream]

Gus, muffled voice: but nothing compares

To the old gordon place.

Tj: that's right, gus.

Nothing compares to the old gordon place--

The perfect terrifying end

To a perfectly terrifying evening.

To this day, i swear to you

That those people are vampires.

Hello, there, children.

Maybe you'd like some candy.

It's the finest candy.

I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Tj: yep. Those transylvanian accents are a dead giveaway.

Sorry, tj, but those aren't transylvanian accents.

The gordons are from massachusetts.

I asked my mom.

Ptoo! Massachusetts? Where's that?

Someplace scary, no doubts.

[Sighs] guys, thanks for sharing all the memories.

But if you want to have any fun tonight,

You'd better get going.

Please, spinelli, you must join us.

Listen, all that stuff that used to seem

So great about halloween,

Well, i look at it differently now.

It's like the magic's gone, ok?

It's just something that happens when you get older.

So go on. I'll see you tomorrow.

But we're just as old as she is.

I don't see things differently.

Me, neither... i don't think.

Forget about it, guys. Come on.

Mikey: yeah, let's go.

Gus: let's go, let's go.

[Doorbell rings]

All: trick or treat!

Oh, ho ho! What adorable costumes!

Here, children. Happy halloween!

Happy halloween! Ha ha ha ha!

Thanks, mrs. Adelman.

See, i don't care what spinelli says.

For me, nothing can ruin the magic

Of this moment.

You said it, teej!

Egad! Not to look a gift horse in the mouth,

But this candy is sugarless.

What?! Say it ain't so!

Well, of course it is.

I always give out sugarless candy.

I am a dentist, after all.

Happy halloween!

And remember to brush and floss tonight!

Ohh, i know you will! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Sugarless candy?

What a fiendish, fiendish trick!

In the past, i've always been too wonderfully excited

To read the fine print on my halloween candy.

Well, so what? Come on. There's plenty more fun

In store besides the adelmans'.

[Doorbell rings]

Trick or treat. Boo!

Hi, digger sam. Hi, digger dave.

Hey, how did you know it was us?

Just a wild guess? Here, have some candy.

Gee, spinelli, you could at least

Pretend to be scared.

Yeah, it's halloween, for dirt's sake.

Where's your spirit?

Sorry, guys. I grew out of it.

Well, not us. And there are a lot

Of little kids comin' this way.

We'll tell 'em to skip this house

If you're just gonna be a grump.

No, don't tell 'em that.

I'll try and act more into it, ok?

Well, ok. Well, ok.

[Doorbell rings]

Both: trick or treat!

Oh, my! What have we here?

Some very scary costumes!

But we're not supposed to be scary.

I'm an astronaut.

I'm a ballerina.

And i'm a wholesome wedge of cheese.

Oh. Sorry.

I guess what i meant to say was...

wooga-Booga-Booga!

All: aaaaah!

I guess i'm the scary one.

Have some candy!

Thanks, lady! That was great!

[Laughs]

All: happy halloween!

Happy halloween!

Tj: ah, old mcpherson place.

Now, this is halloween at its creepiest.

I'm tellin' you guys, walkin' through a graveyard?

Get outta here!

Mikey: and look, here he is--

The creepy fellow with the bowl of candy.

All right, here we go.

Boy, oh, boy.

Now, what would spinelli say about this?

She's probably say we shouldn't run away

When the guy makes a grab for us.

Like there's nothing to be scared of.

Oh, right.

Perhaps then we should resist running,

Just to tell her

How much more terrifying it is.

All right, guys. If you're up for it,

I am. Get ready to grab.

1, 2, 3!

[Moans] [all gasp]

[Arm whirs]

[Clunk]

[Electricity crackling]

Oh, great.

You broke my motorized ghoul dummy.

Now i'm gonna have to patch him with chicken wire.

Sorry, mr. Mcpherson.

Well, you should be.

The little kids who really believe in ghouls

Sure are gonna be disappointed now.

Maybe we should've just run away after all.

Look, the graveyard! With the light on,

Those don't even look like real gravestones.

They're just made of plywood?

It's just like spinelli said.

When you look at everything in a new way,

It really does take out the magic.

Yeah, well, forget it, guys.

It doesn't mean anything,

'Cause i know a place

That's really gonna scare us.

[Both roaring]

How's that?

Pretty good.

Just make sure when you growl,

You really growl from your guts, ok?

Gotcha.

And one other thing-- Always wear fake blood,

So people will know you're carnivores.

Both: thanks, spinelli. Happy halloween!

[Kids laughing]

Awoooo!

Aaaah!

[Snarls]

Ha ha ha ha! Hey, there, spinelli.

Happy halloween.

Miss finster?!

You scared the bejeebers out of me!

That's the idea.

Hey, i thought you were a fairy princess.

Only till the moon comes out.

Say, are you folks here?

Nah, they went out for the evening.

That's too bad. I was gonna invite them

To a spooky shindig with some friends.

Hey, how come you're not out

Trick-Or-Treatin' with your friends?

Well, i--I think i'm too old for that stuff.

You do? Oh, well, i've got a party to go to.

Here's the number where your folks can reach me

In case they get back early.

Ok, miss finster. Have fun.

Oh, i will. I will.

Awooo!

Hey, miss finster!

Wait! What's that?

Actually, before you go,

There's something i want to ask you...

about halloween.

Tj: all right, guys.

Halloween hasn't been too great so far.

But the old abandoned prison

Is guaranteed to make up for it.

It certainly does look frightening.

Uh-Oh. My neck just tinkled.

That's "tingled", gus, and mine did, too.

Yep, right about now

Is when we usually take off

Screaming down the street.

Hey, my neck stopped tinkling.

"Tingling", gus, and mine did, too.

I don't get it.

How come i'm not that scared?

Lawson: because it ain't scary, you dopes.

Oh, don't tell me you little trick-Or-Treaters

Still think that place is an old prison.

[All laugh]

Well, sure we do. That's what it is.

What's it to you, lawson?

Oh, nothing... except you're wrong!

Carrillo!

Huh!

Lawson: you see?

Good think you didn't run away like usual,

Or you never would've found out that this is

Just the old department of motor vehicles.

But--The dmv?

That's just an extremely boring office building.

That's right!

[All laugh]

Come on, guys.

Let's go bug some other little kids.

All: yeah, let's go, come on.

The department of motor vehicles?

Man, it's like nothing we've seen tonight

Has been scary or fun.

Alas, the magic truly is gone.

I've got to admit, maybe spinelli's right.

Maybe we're too old for halloween, too.

Spinelli: so, i don't get it, miss finster.

I figured i was too old for halloween,

But now just staying at home

While everyone else is out there having fun,

It doesn't feel right.

I kind of want to be out there with them.

Well, why wouldn't you? Halloween is great.

Well, sure, when you're little.

Heck, i'm in the prime of my womanhood

And just look at me.

I love halloween.

But aren't you ever going to grow out of it?

Aw, who knows? Some do, and some don't.

It's not really about how old you are.

It's how you feel inside.

Now i really don't know what to think.

Oh, i got a feeling you do.

Trust yourself, spinelli.

And remember, tough gals like us,

We never let other people tell us how to feel.

Well, gotta go. Late for my party.

If your folks get home early,

Have them give me a call.

And happy halloween, spinelli,

However you decide to spend it.

[Snarls]

Thanks, miss finster.

I will.

[Music playing]

[Click]

Hoo-Hoo ha-Ha!

Hey, ashleys, have you seen tj and the guys?

All: like, not me.

Upside down girl?

Haven't seen a thing.

Psst! Hey, you looking for tj and the guys?

Yeah, hustler kid. Have you seen them?

Yeah, about 10 minutes ago.

They were heading home.

Home? Already?

They seemed kind of down in the dumps,

Saying stuff like how you were right,

They're too old for halloween.

Oh, no. I ruined it for them.

Now what am i gonna do?

Hey, wait a minute.

Hustler kid, let me use your cell phone.

I got some calls to make.

All right, but if you're planning some shady conspiracy,

Just be sure you don't implicate me.

Tj: ok, spinelli, so here we all are

At the old gordon place.

Why'd you call us and ask us to meet you here?

I was just thinking--

Since we're all so grown-Up and everything,

Why not pay the old joint a visit?

But we come by here every year, spinelli.

Nothing else has lived up to our expectations.

Why should this be any different?

Every other year, the gordons lived here,

But i just happen to know

That they moved away,

And this year, no one lives here.

So? So...

how's about we pay a visit

To the inside?

I-Inside of the g-Gordon house?

Yeah, come on.

Unless you're too scared.

I'm not scared.

I'm not scared. No.

Yeah, that's just what i figured.

Guys, this is dumb.

If we're too old for trick or treating,

Then we're old enough

To walk into some abandoned house.

Let's go.

Ok.

[Dramatic music playing]

[Hinges creak]

Why, tj is growing up.

He's developed adolescent powers of magic.

Uh, i didn't do that, guys.

The door opened by itself.

Unless a ghost opened it.

A ghost?

Only big kids don't believe in ghosts.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm sure there's a completely rational

Explanation we can ponder

From the safety of our homes.

Guys, if we're going to be big,

We got to go inside.

That's right.

We're not scared, and we're going inside.

Come on.

[Door slams] [all gasp]

The door--It's locked!

Aah! It's the ghost!

We don't believe in ghosts, remember?

Aw, jeez, this is way creepier

Than i thought it would be.

I'm so sorry i got you guys into this.

Perhaps we should call the authorities.

Quick! Call the dmv!

[Moaning]

Did you hear that?

That wasn't your stomach by any chance, was it, mikey?

I don't think so.

[Moaning]

That one definitely wasn't.

Look. I believe the sound was coming from in there.

This is all my fault, guys,

So i better check it out.

Are you nuts?

It might be our only way out of here.

[Dramatic music playing]

It's a cellar. I'm going down.

Spinelli, no!

[Moaning, spinelli screams]

All: aah!

Spinelli!

[Growling] aah!

All: aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

[Howls]

Aah!

Ha ha ha! Gotcha!

Miss finster?

Man, i never thought i'd be happy to see your face.

Yeah, well, you should've seen your face

Just a second ago.

Hey, kids.

Those were some really far out screams of terror.

I don't get it.

What are you all doing here?

We rented out the old gordon place

For a party.

Spinelli had my cell phone number,

And she called us to help pull this halloween trick.

Spinelli?

That's right.

I set you up, guys.

Why would you do such a cruel and horrible thing?

'Cause it's fun.

You know, now that i realize i'm safe,

The last 10 minutes were rather thrilling.

Kind of like halloween in the good old days, huh?

Well, these still are the good old days

As long as you want them to be,

And don't let some goombah

Convince you otherwise.

Thanks, spinelli.

Well, kids, now that you've had your trick,

Here's your treat.

Kids: whoa! Party hearty!

Wait a minute, guys.

It's not sugarless, is it?

Nope. It's the real stuff.

Mikey: mmm. I love halloween.

Well, spinelli,

It looks like your little plan worked.

I owe it all to you, miss finster.

Thanks to you, everyone's having a happy halloween.

Well, it's like my mother always used to say--

[Howling]

Follow me! Run!

Tj: so, it turned out ok after all--

For us, anyway.

And you know something?

It seems like things usually do turn out ok.

Sure, being a kid can be tricky.

You're growing all the time,

Things are always changing.

My voice--What happened to my voice?

But no matter how much things really do change,

I figure as long as we stick up

For what we believe in

And stay true to ourselves,

Everything will be all right.

[School bell rings]

And who knows?

Seeing as how we've made it

Through so much already,

I've got a feeling this might be our best year yet.

Really, i mean it.

Ahh...

[slams door]

[Eerie music playing]

™� igor the sweet-Toothed vampire bat ♪

™� had very, very pointy fangs ♪

™� and if he ever landed on you ♪

™� you might jump and shout all day ♪

™� but don't be scared of igor ♪

™� 'cause if you want to know the truth ♪

™� he never bites us humans ♪

™� 'cause he's got a very, very sweet tooth ♪

[Music playing]

[Music ends]