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[AUDIO LOGO]
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,565
MARCY: So what do
you want to toast to?
6
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:28,819
DAN: How about to our
incredible sex life?
7
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,404
Mhm, let's toast to that.
8
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,996
So what room do you
want to do it in next?
9
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,789
Mhm.
10
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:45,586
Well, we've already conquered
the entire downstairs.
11
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,880
Let's just be boring and
do it in the bedroom.
12
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,507
Mhm, yeah, let's be
boring all night long.
13
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,387
Mhm, I have a surprise for you.
14
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:04,063
Actually, I prefer
you in nothing at all.
15
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,482
It's not for me.
16
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,526
[CHUCKLES] But
how would you know?
17
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,362
Your mom told me.
18
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,865
Now let's get you in uniform.
19
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,451
Now I know how
you've always admired
20
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:18,869
Gil's gas pumping abilities.
21
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,622
So...
22
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:22,998
Hi, guys.
23
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,501
So I invited him over to watch.
24
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,754
I hope he does
more than just watch.
25
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,005
You really are the greatest.
26
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,721
[GLASS BREAKING]
27
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:41,100
[ALARM SOUNDING]
28
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,351
Is that you?
29
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:43,477
No, it's the alarm clock.
30
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:47,898
The alarm clock?
31
00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:51,568
[ALARM RINGING]
32
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:55,280
Mhm, baby, the alarm.
33
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,783
[ALARM RINGING]
34
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,840
Oh, Dan, I'm sleeping.
35
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:15,008
Right.
36
00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,135
I'll just be in the shower.
37
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,856
Care to join me?
38
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,692
Mhm, rain check.
39
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,819
Just a little sore.
40
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,195
Sure.
41
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,196
Rain check.
42
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,704
[DOG BARKING]
43
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,291
[YAWNS] I gotta get laid.
44
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,584
Good morning, Daniel.
45
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,836
Morning, Mr.
Hiatt, Mrs. Hiatt.
46
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,171
Beautiful day.
47
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,673
Did you have any
luck last night?
48
00:02:57,886 --> 00:02:58,678
Oh.
49
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,555
Don't worry, she'll come around.
50
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,807
The whole neighborhood
is pulling for you.
51
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,601
Thanks, Mrs. Hiatt.
52
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:09,354
Did you bring up the
anal yet with the Mrs?
53
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,106
Not yet, Mr. Hiatt.
54
00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:13,108
Well, because you
know, Mrs. Hiatt
55
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,735
wasn't always this frisky.
56
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:18,280
No, it took a little bit
of back door loving just
57
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:19,948
to get our love life rolling.
58
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,074
Oh, Henry.
59
00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,159
Come on.
60
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,161
Come on.
61
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,580
Oh, tell him about the tape.
62
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,165
Oh, yeah, we made this video.
63
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,541
Well, I'm off to work.
64
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,251
Well, we'll pray
for you, Daniel.
65
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,263
[MUSIC PLAYING]
66
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:48,518
(SINGING) Baby, I like
your dreadlocks maybe.
67
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:52,814
You make my heart stop, baby.
68
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,108
I'll make your dreams come true.
69
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:05,244
Baby, you make my
heart sing maybe.
70
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,914
I like your toes, baby.
71
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,541
Can I rock with you?
72
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:30,060
Why can't it be
that easy for me?
73
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:34,815
[SIGH]
74
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:35,857
Hey, Dan.
75
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,401
Any good news?
76
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,986
No.
77
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,612
Jeez.
78
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,115
I'm just a freshman, and even
I'm getting pussy every night.
79
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:43,950
[MUSIC PLAYING]
80
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:50,414
(SINGING) Baby, I like
your dreadlocks maybe.
81
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:54,584
You make my heart stop, baby.
82
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,753
I'll make your dreams come true.
83
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:03,593
Hey, Dan.
84
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:05,512
Your old lady putting out yet?
85
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:06,513
What?
86
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:10,601
Hey.
87
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,269
It's the guy who's
not fucking his wife.
88
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,353
Hey, you pork her yet?
89
00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:17,441
[BUSY CHATTER]
90
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,236
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
91
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:22,822
Shame.
92
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:23,781
Morning, roadhog.
93
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:24,990
So...
94
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:25,991
Nothing.
95
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:26,784
Oh.
96
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,076
He is never getting laid.
97
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:29,828
Hey, congratulations, buddy.
98
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,413
All right, place your bets.
Place your bets.
99
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:32,206
What do we got it?
100
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,749
It says here Marcy
holds the world's record
101
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,500
for most consecutive headaches.
- What do you got?
102
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,336
What do you got?
What do you got?
103
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,211
Uh, February 3.
104
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,587
I'm not in the mood.
105
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,173
Ah, Marcy's five favorite words.
106
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,717
I'll take the second
night of Passover.
107
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:44,510
Come on.
108
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,844
I'm just kidding.
109
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,928
Three months.
110
00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,764
It's been three months
since we got married.
111
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,350
I'm going insane here.
112
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,643
Another headache?
113
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,772
She's still, you know, sore.
114
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:57,565
Arg.
115
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:01,068
Who gets a vaginal piercing
the night before their wedding?
116
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,111
Look, her piercer
said she should feel
117
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:04,863
discomfort for a few months.
118
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,032
It's been a few months.
119
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,450
Sure it'll be any day now.
120
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,285
Arg.
121
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,911
I don't know how you do it, man.
122
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:14,498
Marcy must give one
hell of an HJ, huh.
123
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:18,293
Actually, she has carpal tunnel.
124
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,045
Oh, that sucks.
125
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,671
But I'll bet her
tongue still knows
126
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:24,633
its way around your balls, huh.
127
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:25,884
And lock jaw.
128
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,302
Oh, my god.
129
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,179
I had no idea it was that bad.
130
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:32,849
Morning, Dan.
131
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,142
Morning.
132
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,561
Good morning,
Miss Fleckenshecker
133
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:39,314
Don, I hate to do
this to you, but we're
134
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,733
running a little behind
on the floppy ball line,
135
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,361
and I'd really
appreciate it if you
136
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,071
could stay a few extra hours.
137
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,572
Sure thing, Miss Fleckenshecker.
138
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:51,576
Mhm, Don, please, we're family.
139
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,787
I'm your sister-in-law.
140
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,123
Call me Catherine.
141
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,333
OK, Catherine.
142
00:06:58,334 --> 00:06:59,793
Catherine.
143
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:00,794
OK.
144
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,175
Wow.
145
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,384
It's official.
146
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:11,638
You have the hottest
sister-in-law in the world.
147
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,057
Ooh, you should
pull a sister swap.
148
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:16,059
Come on, Catherine's
totally into you.
149
00:07:16,060 --> 00:07:17,102
What?
150
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,603
I could never cheat on Marcy.
151
00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:19,980
How do you spell foreshadowing?
152
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,065
F-O-U-R or F-O-R-E?
153
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:23,483
F-O-R-E.
154
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,818
Thanks.
155
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,278
And that's the
third time this week
156
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,322
Catherine asked me to stay late
If I missed another episode
157
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,283
of Two and Half Men, I'm
not going to know what
158
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,285
the F is going on this season.
159
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,454
I'm going t get a
promotion out of this.
160
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,955
Of course, you'll
get a promotion.
161
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,875
Your father-in-law
owns the company.
162
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,502
You think he's still pissed
about your bachelor party?
163
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,337
Oh, here he comes.
164
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:46,256
Why don't you ask him?
165
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,049
Hey, Chuck.
166
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,135
What's up?
167
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,720
Good morning,
Mr. Fleckenshecker.
168
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,180
Up yours, faggot.
169
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,181
Morning, daddy.
170
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,143
He's coming around.
171
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,519
Yesterday he just
said, up yours.
172
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:00,770
Now at least you have a title.
173
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:08,028
Sometimes I wonder how
things would have turned out
174
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,363
if I had stayed with Catherine.
175
00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:12,782
But then I wouldn't have gotten
a get together with Marcy.
176
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:14,534
A rhetorical discourse intended
177
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,453
to explain information
not otherwise
178
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,246
disclosed at a given moment.
179
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,247
Exposition.
180
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,917
Thank you.
181
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,710
So what do you want for lunch?
182
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:24,545
Chinese?
183
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,670
We had Chinese yesterday.
184
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:26,464
So?
185
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:27,381
I like Chinese.
186
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,216
You can't have Chinese
two days in a row.
187
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,509
Of course, you can.
188
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,177
Do you think people
in China ever
189
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,221
get tired of eating Chinese?
190
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:37,265
[ASIAN GONG]
191
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,935
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
192
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,746
I have lunch plans
with my folks anyway.
193
00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:03,041
Well, hey, give
your mom my best.
194
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,251
And your dad.
195
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:09,172
Give your mom and dad
equal parts of my best
196
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:12,133
to both of them equally.
197
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,343
How are you talking about?
198
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,344
I got to go.
199
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,312
Damn it.
200
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,980
Take my shit.
201
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,315
They installed a
mail slot blocker.
202
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,400
What?
203
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,985
Well, it's a device
designed to keep
204
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,529
you from stuffing your shitty
flyers in their door every day.
205
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,911
Oh, hey, what do
you think about this?
206
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:46,126
Ooh, it kind of sucks.
207
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:49,004
Oh, say, did you land The
Yapkowitz versus The Yapkowitz.
208
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:49,797
No.
209
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,715
As a matter of fact, I did not.
210
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:52,592
Sorry, Mo.
211
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,927
And you know
what, you should be.
212
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,304
You didn't even
make your parents
213
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,014
hire me for their divorce.
214
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,140
I said I was sorry.
215
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:03,518
You know what, you can take
your story and suck my dick.
216
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:06,771
And your parents, they
can suck my dick as well.
217
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,524
And that guy over there, I
don't even know that guy.
218
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,360
That guy can suck my dick too.
219
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:15,030
Your family sucks.
220
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:18,950
You and your retarded
haircut, and your dad
221
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,285
with his Jean shorts...
222
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,495
I mean, what the fuck
wears jean shorts.
223
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:25,665
Are you OK?
224
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:28,752
Yeah.
225
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,964
Sorry about what I said.
226
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,132
Oh, that's OK.
227
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:37,969
Hey, I'm still going to see you
at the game on Saturday, right?
228
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,640
Yeah, I'll be early
for shootaround.
229
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:50,482
[GLASS BREAKING]
230
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,484
What do you want?
231
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:56,029
Uh, I'm looking for my parents.
232
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:56,864
Who?
233
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,615
[GLASS BREAKING]
234
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,825
DAN'S MOTHER: Take that,
you son of a bitch.
235
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,453
Mom.
236
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,914
[DOOR CLOSING]
237
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,915
Dan.
238
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,711
My baby boy.
239
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,797
Mom, what's going on here?
240
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,131
Oh that.
241
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,591
I thought you were your father.
242
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:17,926
Where's Dad?
243
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,719
And who is that woman
who came to the door?
244
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,722
Well, I'd hardly
call her a woman.
245
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:25,475
She's your father's
new plaything.
246
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,435
A real tramp, if you ask me.
247
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,396
I can hear you.
248
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,938
I'm glad, you bitch.
249
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:37,445
So how are things at home?
250
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,114
You know, fine.
251
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,573
Things are pretty
normal, I guess.
252
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:41,700
Oh.
253
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,994
So you two still haven't...
254
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:47,831
I'd rather not discuss
my sex life with my mother.
255
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,624
I'll take that as a no.
256
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,210
Well, sex ruins
marriages anyway.
257
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,212
That's because
you're no good at it.
258
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,548
Dad, what happened to you?
259
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:57,924
Your mother shot me.
260
00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:58,718
What?
261
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:00,468
I thought he was an intruder.
262
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,262
I was just protecting myself.
263
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,557
I was coming out of the
shower, for Christ's sake.
264
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,392
Wait a second.
265
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:07,184
Hold on.
266
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,476
Where did you get a gun from?
267
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,770
I carry one around
now for protection.
268
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:11,564
See.
269
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,273
Jesus, mom.
270
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:17,360
Well, you never know when
some lowlife sleaze is going
271
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:20,196
to try and hurt you,
break your heart,
272
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,407
and leave you for
some skank who isn't
273
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,700
even old enough to vote yet.
274
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,285
I can still hear you.
275
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,578
I know you can.
276
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,500
So who's ready to eat?
277
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,672
Whoa.
278
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,089
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
279
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,091
Check out the dick and
balls on this chick.
280
00:12:43,721 --> 00:12:45,054
That's gross.
281
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:46,306
Well, whatever.
282
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,099
I don't have to get
back to her right away.
283
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,187
So how'd it to go
with the folks.
284
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,688
You know, seeing
them always makes
285
00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:56,816
me appreciate how good
things are with me and Marcy.
286
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,902
I mean, yeah, we haven't
had sex in three months,
287
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:02,363
but at least she
hasn't shot me yet.
288
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:05,074
Whatever you say.
289
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:05,910
Whoa.
Hey, whoa.
290
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,243
What are you what are you doing?
291
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,162
Getting sticky notes.
292
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:11,456
What the hell?
293
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,917
Why do you have a picture
of my mom in your desk?
294
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:17,337
Well, you know, your mom's
always been like a mom to me
295
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,798
too, you know,
cooking dinner for me
296
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,841
and taking me to
baseball practice
297
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,134
and tucking me in at night.
298
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,595
Dude, that was
when we were seven.
299
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:29,015
Yeah, well, it's still
really important to me.
300
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,016
I got to go.
301
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,605
[PHONE RINGING]
302
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:36,565
[TABLE SLAMMING]
303
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,692
Mr. Fields needs these
by the end of the day.
304
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,946
[PHONE RINGING]
305
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:46,032
Are you all right?
306
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,659
Janey, how do you do it?
307
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:51,538
How do you maintain such a great
marriage after all these years?
308
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,997
Honesty.
309
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:56,960
Without honesty, there
can be no hope for...
310
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,169
Wait.
311
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,546
No, sex.
312
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,674
Sex is the foundation
of every great marriage.
313
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,844
Without good sex, a
marriage is hopeless.
314
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,720
Thank you.
315
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,638
No problem.
316
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,099
[PHONE RINGING]
317
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,101
Fields, Baker, and
Thomas, how can I help you?
318
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,561
Hey, babe.
It's me.
319
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:15,479
Hey.
320
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:16,521
I just want to let you know I'm
321
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,814
going to be home late tonight.
322
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,524
Your sister needs me here again.
323
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,025
Oh, that's great.
324
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,318
Yeah.
325
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:24,696
But I think that promotion
is all about mine.
326
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,489
Of course, it is.
327
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:30,034
Just do anything and everything
Catherine wants you to do.
328
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:34,289
Prove to her that you're capable
of mastering all positions.
329
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,415
Oh, OK.
330
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:37,208
All right, so I'll
see you later tonight.
331
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,127
Hey, listen.
332
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,128
I was thinking.
333
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,504
You know, it's
been a few months,
334
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:44,215
and maybe if your vagina
is feeling better later
335
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,926
we could fool around.
336
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:47,803
Hello.
337
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:48,803
Hello.
338
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,684
[SIGH]
339
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,560
[PHONE RINGING]
340
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:56,728
Hey.
341
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,938
Oh, Catherine.
342
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,481
Staples, yeah, sure thing.
343
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,984
I'll bring them over in a bit.
344
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,944
OK, I'll bring them
over right now.
345
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,326
Yeah.
346
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,873
Catherine.
347
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,291
[DOOR SLAMS]
348
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:22,170
[MUSIC PLAYING]
349
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,049
[CHATTER]
350
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:33,723
Oh.
Oh.
351
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:34,683
Let's go to the...
352
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:38,311
[CHATTER]
353
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:43,734
Yeah.
354
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:46,653
I'll have whatever
he's drinking.
355
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,404
Whiskey.
356
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:50,406
You keep them coming.
357
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,241
What did you do?
358
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:54,077
Break the fax machine?
359
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,287
I had an affair.
360
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,455
You had an affair?
361
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:03,211
Like you went to a... like
a gala or a social event?
362
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:05,505
I slept with Catherine.
363
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:06,881
Our boss?
364
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,591
No, Catherine Zeta-Jones.
365
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:10,009
Oh, my god.
I love her.
366
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,260
She was so good in Entrapment.
367
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,345
How did you even meet her?
368
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,931
Mike, I didn't sleep
with Catherine Zeta-Jones.
369
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,183
Dan, you know I'm
not good with sarcasm.
370
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:18,393
Yes, sorry.
371
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:21,396
I slept with
Catherine, our boss.
372
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,106
Wow.
373
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,024
Are her tits real?
374
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,776
She ambushed me.
375
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:28,152
Yeah, of course, she did.
376
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:31,322
She came out of the
shadows like a ninja,
377
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,573
like a ninja with boobs.
378
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,036
Oh, she's going to kill me.
379
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,121
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
380
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,622
Slow down, OK.
381
00:16:39,623 --> 00:16:42,709
Tell me everything that
happened in great detail,
382
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,377
starting from the beginning.
383
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:49,173
Well, I was sitting at
my desk, and my phone rang.
384
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,341
Hey.
385
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:51,467
Oh, it's Catherine.
386
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,594
She says she needs to
borrow some staples.
387
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:56,597
Could I come over to her
office and drop some off.
388
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,307
So naturally, I
thought this would just
389
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,560
be a routine staple exchange.
390
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:04,647
But what I got instead
was far from routine.
391
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:05,940
[DOOR SLAMS]
392
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,234
I have a new
assignment for you, Dan.
393
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,194
Ooh, what's that?
394
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,363
Humping the boss?
395
00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:14,699
Your dad's gay?
396
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,618
Come here, goddamn it.
397
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:18,619
I want it.
398
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,163
Dan, I want it now.
399
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,248
Became clear to me now
that she might not really
400
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:25,001
want my staples, but use
them only as an excuse
401
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,711
to lure me to her office.
402
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,546
Give it to me.
403
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,671
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
404
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:29,506
- Oh.
- God.
405
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,215
Oh, oh, it's so medium sized.
406
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:32,675
Oh, yes.
407
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,510
- I tried to fight her off...
- Give it to me.
408
00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:35,511
But it was hopeless.
409
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,851
I figured my best
bet was to just sit
410
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:45,480
back and wait until
it was over, just
411
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,023
sit back and let her ravish me.
412
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:47,816
Come on.
413
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,609
Oh.
414
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,692
Give it.
Come on.
415
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:50,486
Give it to me.
416
00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:52,528
Let her have her
way with my body,
417
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:55,573
caressing every square
inch with her tongue in.
418
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,205
Go on.
419
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:02,497
Hey.
Get out here.
420
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,581
Go back to your wings.
421
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,750
Ah, come on.
422
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:06,834
[ALL GRUMBLING]
423
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,461
BAR PATRON: You ruined it.
424
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,837
Go on.
425
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:10,756
Yes.
426
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:11,590
Ooh.
427
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,757
Oh, we're fucking.
428
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,925
Catherine, please.
429
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,636
CATHERINE: We are fucking now.
430
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,763
You're so perfectly
medium sized.
431
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,224
Ooh, I love that big
heart medium size.
432
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,809
Love it.
433
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:23,976
Yes, yes.
434
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,437
[MOANING]
435
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,397
Who's the boss now, huh?
436
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,774
Who is it?
437
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,234
Who's the boss, Dan?
- You're the boss.
438
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:32,027
Yes.
439
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,361
Oh, you feel so good, Dan.
440
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:34,154
Do you like this?
441
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,988
Fucking you like this?
442
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,281
Yes.
443
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,075
Yes.
444
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,451
[MOANING]
445
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:41,328
Give me that.
446
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,745
Give me that floppy ball.
447
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,872
[MOANING]
448
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,583
god, I love this god
damn floppy balls.
449
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,001
Oh,
450
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,795
This is terrible.
451
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,421
My marriage is over.
452
00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:55,424
Well, only if you tell Marcy.
453
00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:56,843
I have to tell her.
454
00:18:56,844 --> 00:19:00,388
You know I'm not good at
keeping secrets from her.
455
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,681
It's Kevin Spacey.
456
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,890
These guys are so sick.
457
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,977
[BOOING]
458
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,312
Now Marcy's going to
divorce me, and I'll
459
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,273
end up like my parents.
460
00:19:09,274 --> 00:19:13,151
[CHEERING]
461
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,741
Well, at least your
mom makes up pretty good.
462
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:24,453
I mean, made out pretty good.
463
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:27,290
I don't... look, you
know what I mean.
464
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:30,501
Oh, god, I'm such a dick.
465
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,753
Marcy would never do this to me.
466
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:34,297
You know why?
467
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,924
Because she's a good
person, and good people
468
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:40,845
don't go around banging
their wife's sister.
469
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,973
Well, what if she did?
470
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,811
What if Marcy
slept with Catherine?
471
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:49,605
No.
472
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,480
What if she had an affair?
473
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:52,982
That way, when
you go to confess,
474
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,943
she'll feel so bad that
she has to forgive you.
475
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:58,321
You can forgive each other.
476
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,405
Jesus, man.
477
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,365
What is wrong with you?
478
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:02,909
And in case you
haven't noticed, sex
479
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:05,494
isn't really high on Marcy's
list of things to do.
480
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,288
Well, whatever.
481
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,122
She said it was going to
take... what, three months
482
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,415
tops for her cooch to heal.
483
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,250
It's been three months.
484
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:13,544
Even if I wanted to
go along with this plan,
485
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,087
Marcy certainly wouldn't.
486
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:16,756
She's not that kind of girl.
487
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,799
Well, you got to make
her that kind of girl.
488
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,344
You got to start acting
coldly towards her.
489
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,972
Come home late, always
be in a bad mood,
490
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,515
knock her around a little.
491
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:27,558
What?
492
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,393
All right, don't come
home late, whatever.
493
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,771
All I'm saying is, you can't
be that same lovable asshole
494
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,022
that she fell in love with.
495
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,860
Where are you going?
496
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:41,781
Home, to tell my
wife everything.
497
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:44,075
He's a dead man.
498
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,576
Hey, let me get a gimlet.
499
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:58,172
[DOOR OPENING]
500
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:01,634
[DOOR CLOSING]
501
00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:08,809
Honey.
502
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,184
[GASPING]
503
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:13,104
Oh, sweetheart, you scared me.
504
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,147
Sorry.
505
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:16,691
Dinner will be
ready in a second.
506
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,068
You want to set the table?
507
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,195
Marcy, there's something
I need to tell you.
508
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:22,697
What is it?
509
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,865
I did something
really bad tonight.
510
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:30,079
Well, whatever it is, I'm
sure we can make it better.
511
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,872
I slept with your sister.
512
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:33,374
You did what?
513
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,793
I know it was a horrible
thing for me to do,
514
00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,003
and I will make it up to you.
515
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:54,103
All right, I'll do it.
516
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,314
I'll find someone to
have sex with my wife.
517
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,483
[CHEERING]
518
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,654
Let's go.
519
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:04,614
[DOOR OPENING]
520
00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:05,990
Hi.
521
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:06,991
Hey.
522
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:13,831
[DOOR CLOSING]
523
00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:19,211
Hey.
524
00:22:19,212 --> 00:22:21,339
Tough day at work today?
525
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,798
Yep.
526
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:25,509
Chatherine's riding you
pretty hard, isn't she?
527
00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:27,678
We are fucking now.
528
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:29,347
Yeah, you could say that.
529
00:22:35,103 --> 00:22:36,395
Well, what are you doing?
530
00:22:36,396 --> 00:22:39,023
Giving my husband a massage.
531
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:39,816
I'm sorry.
532
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:43,778
You just caught me off guard.
533
00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:45,738
We haven't been too
intimate since the wedding,
534
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:52,578
and I know that's my
fault. But I also want you
535
00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:53,913
to know how much I love you.
536
00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:00,294
You remember the first
time I gave you a massage?
537
00:23:00,295 --> 00:23:03,798
Wasn't it during my niece's
wheelchair basketball game?
538
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:06,050
Mm-hmm.
539
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,844
Your bow tie was strangling you.
540
00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:11,972
So you took it off,
and we snuck out back
541
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:14,809
of the auditorium and
into the cafeteria.
542
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:18,145
And then you lied down
on the cool kids table,
543
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:22,191
and I got on top
And straddled you.
544
00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:25,694
And you proceeded to ride me
throughout the entire slam dunk
545
00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:27,405
competition.
546
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,115
And then our unbridled
lust took over,
547
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:34,578
and you did me right there
for the Sloppy Joe table.
548
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:37,540
[MOANING]
549
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:45,005
I'm a really tired.
550
00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:46,340
I had a long day with...
551
00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:47,883
[MOANING]
552
00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:50,428
...god I love those
goddamn floppy balls.
553
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,389
You know, Catherine
riding me and all.
554
00:23:53,390 --> 00:23:55,266
I'll go brush my teeth.
555
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:56,267
OK.
556
00:24:02,190 --> 00:24:03,941
Hey.
557
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:06,152
Thanks for the massage.
558
00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:08,070
Best one yet.
559
00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:09,280
Anytime.
560
00:24:13,577 --> 00:24:16,954
FRIEND: How about this
guy in the ponytail?
561
00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:19,206
DAN: I wouldn't post them
up, you know what I mean.
562
00:24:19,207 --> 00:24:21,375
FRIEND: Check out this guy
with the crazy sideburns.
563
00:24:21,376 --> 00:24:22,960
DAN: He looks like
a huge douche bag.
564
00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:24,086
FRIEND: Yeah, it's amazing.
565
00:24:24,087 --> 00:24:25,379
It's like these guys
leave their house
566
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:26,630
without looking in the mirror.
567
00:24:27,467 --> 00:24:29,008
Some people have
no self respect.
568
00:24:29,009 --> 00:24:29,801
It's embarrassing.
569
00:24:29,802 --> 00:24:32,386
I'm embarrassed for him.
570
00:24:32,387 --> 00:24:33,305
You're embarrassed.
571
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:35,222
I haven't had sex
in three months.
572
00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:37,391
I can't go more than five
minutes without the tan.
573
00:24:37,392 --> 00:24:38,893
Good luck, man.
574
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:42,563
Yeah, how's the list of
potential stunt cocks coming?
575
00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:45,983
Oh, yeah, about that,
just having a little trouble
576
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,152
coming up with the names.
577
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,361
How many you got?
578
00:24:49,362 --> 00:24:50,362
None.
579
00:24:53,742 --> 00:24:55,451
Yeah, we thought
that might happen.
580
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:57,411
So we went ahead and
made up a list for you.
581
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:11,133
Ha.
582
00:25:11,134 --> 00:25:12,551
OK.
All right.
583
00:25:12,552 --> 00:25:13,428
All right.
584
00:25:13,429 --> 00:25:14,887
I'll do it.
585
00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:15,764
I'll see with Marcy.
586
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:16,765
I will sleep with Marcy.
587
00:25:16,766 --> 00:25:20,142
But I'll tell you right now,
I'm not going to enjoy it.
588
00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:21,769
Well, that'll
make the two of you.
589
00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:25,356
That is the most horrifying
thing I've ever imagined.
590
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,776
And no offense, but you do
tend to screw everything up.
591
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:29,985
What are you talking about?
592
00:25:29,986 --> 00:25:31,612
Sophomore year of
high school when I
593
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:32,863
took Anna Marie to the movies.
594
00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:34,114
You remember that?
595
00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:37,451
[MUSIC PLAYING]
596
00:25:42,707 --> 00:25:45,251
You... you want some popcorn?
597
00:25:45,252 --> 00:25:46,127
Shhh.
598
00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:47,127
Not now.
599
00:25:50,757 --> 00:25:52,508
You're sure?
600
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:53,676
It's really good.
601
00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,722
Isn't this movie great?
602
00:25:58,723 --> 00:26:01,433
Ed, man, I'm on a date here.
603
00:26:01,434 --> 00:26:03,811
Oh, sorry.
604
00:26:03,812 --> 00:26:04,979
Hey, popcorn.
- No.
605
00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:05,980
Wait, wait, wait.
606
00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:09,609
Oh, my god.
607
00:26:09,609 --> 00:26:10,402
Oh, my god.
608
00:26:10,403 --> 00:26:13,445
[SCREAMING]
609
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:18,325
What about that sausage
factory we worked at?
610
00:26:18,326 --> 00:26:19,868
I mean, you can't
go 10 feet in there
611
00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:21,787
without tripping over some dong.
612
00:26:21,788 --> 00:26:24,790
No, I don't think guys at work
think of Marcy in a sexual way.
613
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,923
Oh, god, I'd like to bone her,
just stick it up in that shit.
614
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:33,717
Yeah.
615
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:34,593
Oh, oh.
616
00:26:34,594 --> 00:26:36,218
Doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo.
617
00:26:36,219 --> 00:26:38,262
[MOANING]
618
00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:46,812
Yeah, I got nothing.
619
00:26:49,524 --> 00:26:50,442
[CHEERING]
620
00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:51,775
I think this game is ending.
621
00:26:51,776 --> 00:26:52,860
Let's go, guys.
622
00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:56,739
[CHATTER]
623
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:02,828
[GROANING]
624
00:27:02,829 --> 00:27:04,038
You got to move faster.
625
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,039
Faster.
626
00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:08,293
Come on.
627
00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:11,211
There's got to be someone at
work who's good for Marcy.
628
00:27:11,212 --> 00:27:13,839
Oh, what about
Ted in accounting?
629
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:14,716
Too tall.
630
00:27:14,717 --> 00:27:15,966
Mhm.
631
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:18,719
What about John from
research and development?
632
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,597
Too short.
633
00:27:21,598 --> 00:27:24,391
Ooh, how about Paul
from the mailroom?
634
00:27:24,392 --> 00:27:26,560
Is that guy quadriplegic?
635
00:27:26,561 --> 00:27:27,395
Paraplegic?
636
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:29,271
He's still good
from the waist down.
637
00:27:29,272 --> 00:27:30,522
You should see him dance.
638
00:27:30,523 --> 00:27:32,107
Look, I got to
plan this out right.
639
00:27:32,108 --> 00:27:35,319
Marcy's not just going to fall
for any schlub off the street.
640
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,613
[CHEERING]
641
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:38,864
I think this game is ending.
642
00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:39,865
Let's go, guys.
643
00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:52,753
We had him had we played.
644
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:02,763
[HEAVY BREATHING]
645
00:28:09,104 --> 00:28:10,938
Oh, hey Marc.
646
00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:12,856
You and your breaded
friend need some privacy.
647
00:28:12,857 --> 00:28:13,733
What?
648
00:28:13,734 --> 00:28:16,402
Haven't you ever seen
anybody butter a roll before?
649
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,028
Arg, sorry I'm late.
650
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:20,072
I have the worst
yeast infection.
651
00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,783
It is like yogurt and
cottage cheese mixed.
652
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,827
Uh, can I start you off with...
653
00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:29,289
Steak, rare, glass
of your finest red.
654
00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:31,041
Thanks, Tiger.
655
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,127
Do you know how to get
cum stains out of wool?
656
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,921
Uh, so...
657
00:28:35,922 --> 00:28:38,674
What?
658
00:28:38,675 --> 00:28:40,634
So how are things going at work?
659
00:28:40,635 --> 00:28:44,596
Nothing new to report, but
I promise to keep you updated
660
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:46,849
the moment something arises.
661
00:28:50,145 --> 00:28:53,564
So do you think you
and Dan are, you know,
662
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,733
going to be able to
work well together?
663
00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:58,736
Never met a man who
didn't work well below me.
664
00:28:58,737 --> 00:29:00,529
[CHUCKLING]
665
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:01,655
Big hunk of beef.
666
00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:02,906
Yep, that'd be me.
667
00:29:02,907 --> 00:29:03,825
OK.
668
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:04,659
Thanks, Tiger.
669
00:29:04,660 --> 00:29:06,827
And you must be
the extra virgin.
670
00:29:06,828 --> 00:29:08,078
Excuse me.
671
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:10,748
A Cobb salad with extra
virgin oil and vinegar.
672
00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:12,541
Oh, yeah, sorry.
673
00:29:12,542 --> 00:29:13,334
Seriously.
674
00:29:13,335 --> 00:29:15,544
Do you know how to get cum out?
675
00:29:15,545 --> 00:29:17,629
It's like club soda
or something, right?
676
00:29:22,385 --> 00:29:23,719
OK, listen.
677
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,304
So here's what you do.
678
00:29:25,305 --> 00:29:29,349
You find a guy, you coach
him on Marcy's turn ons,
679
00:29:29,350 --> 00:29:30,809
and then he sleeps with her.
680
00:29:30,810 --> 00:29:32,186
It's a piece of cake.
681
00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:33,645
Where the shit have you been?
682
00:29:33,646 --> 00:29:36,398
That's all we've been
talking about all day.
683
00:29:36,399 --> 00:29:37,483
For real?
684
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:38,817
And you told him about the cake?
685
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,240
I think this game is ending.
686
00:29:45,241 --> 00:29:46,034
Fuck it.
687
00:29:46,034 --> 00:29:46,951
Come on.
688
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:47,951
Stretching time.
689
00:29:52,749 --> 00:29:54,166
[CHATTER]
690
00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,424
So same time next week.
691
00:30:02,425 --> 00:30:03,550
Still undefeated.
692
00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:14,812
You like your wife?
693
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:15,688
Mhm.
694
00:30:15,689 --> 00:30:18,607
That's too bad.
695
00:30:18,608 --> 00:30:21,401
My man, ready to
throw her out yet?
696
00:30:21,402 --> 00:30:24,404
So this is your plan
now, barricade yourself
697
00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:26,698
behind a plate of buffalo wings?
698
00:30:26,699 --> 00:30:29,159
Actually, I was hoping to
swallow one of these guys whole
699
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,120
and choke to death.
700
00:30:32,121 --> 00:30:33,789
Snap out of it, man.
701
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:35,541
What happened to the
take no prisoners guy
702
00:30:35,542 --> 00:30:36,667
we all fell in love with?
703
00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:39,044
The guy who wouldn't back
down from any challenge.
704
00:30:39,045 --> 00:30:41,797
What happened to the schoolyard
bully who used to give me
705
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,549
wedgies every day
until my underwear
706
00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:48,762
ripped and sent me crying
home to my mother and father.
707
00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:52,599
You hurt me so much.
708
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,101
I'm not fat.
709
00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:55,394
Not fat.
710
00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:03,151
I'm sorry.
711
00:31:03,152 --> 00:31:04,361
I got a little worked up.
712
00:31:04,362 --> 00:31:06,321
Oh, you're right.
713
00:31:06,322 --> 00:31:09,408
I needed a good kick in the ass.
714
00:31:09,409 --> 00:31:10,784
You know, I really
appreciate you
715
00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:13,036
guys helping me out on this.
716
00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:16,164
Hey, one day when I'm married,
I didn't cheat on my wife,
717
00:31:16,165 --> 00:31:18,709
I expect nothing less
of any of you guys.
718
00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:21,253
You know it.
719
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:22,088
You're married?
720
00:31:22,089 --> 00:31:23,297
Mm-hmm.
721
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:24,464
You like your wife?
722
00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:25,258
Mm-hmm.
723
00:31:25,259 --> 00:31:26,675
She getting fat yet?
724
00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:27,843
Mm-hmm.
725
00:31:27,844 --> 00:31:28,844
Give me a call.
726
00:31:33,057 --> 00:31:36,351
Every douche bag in
here is happily married.
727
00:31:36,352 --> 00:31:37,519
Fucking bastards.
728
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:39,813
Oh, oh, oh, my commercial.
729
00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:43,525
Are you tired of
lackadaisical lawyers,
730
00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:46,028
sitting behind their cushy
desks, making faulty promises?
731
00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:52,284
Well, I don't even have a desk
because I'm too busy to sit.
732
00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:55,662
I'm too busy working for you.
733
00:31:55,663 --> 00:31:56,497
Hello.
734
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:57,290
Hello.
735
00:31:57,291 --> 00:32:01,710
I'm Maurice, the executioner
Rodriguez, divorce lawyer,
736
00:32:01,711 --> 00:32:06,757
and I will rape your
spouse financially.
737
00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:08,258
But don't take my word for it.
738
00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:11,053
Take this guy's word.
739
00:32:11,054 --> 00:32:11,846
That's right.
740
00:32:11,847 --> 00:32:16,141
I kept it all, the house, the
car, even my wife's clothes.
741
00:32:16,142 --> 00:32:19,311
The executioner really took
that slut to the cleaners.
742
00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:21,563
But don't take my word
for it, take hers.
743
00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:28,278
Why didn't I hire
the executioner?
744
00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:29,905
Because you're an idiot.
745
00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:31,365
Don't make the same mistake.
746
00:32:31,366 --> 00:32:32,366
Call now.
747
00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:39,998
See, I told you, you can't
tell you got a tummy tuck.
748
00:32:39,999 --> 00:32:40,792
Oh.
749
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:41,584
Oh.
750
00:32:41,585 --> 00:32:44,211
So who you got it
narrowed down to?
751
00:32:44,212 --> 00:32:45,629
Oh, no one yet.
752
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:47,881
But I have limited my
requirements to two.
753
00:32:47,882 --> 00:32:49,341
What are they?
754
00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:52,094
Well, first, you
can't be better than me.
755
00:32:52,095 --> 00:32:53,012
Oh, come on.
756
00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:54,429
Who's better than you?
757
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:56,640
And he can't be
from around here.
758
00:32:56,641 --> 00:32:59,059
I don't want him hanging
around once he's fulfilled
759
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:00,644
his obligation, so to speak.
760
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:02,604
It could be tough
getting an outsider.
761
00:33:02,605 --> 00:33:04,481
This town's pretty damn small.
762
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:07,901
Everyone knows each other,
all their intimate details.
763
00:33:07,902 --> 00:33:08,944
Hey, Ed.
764
00:33:08,945 --> 00:33:10,028
How's your herpes?
765
00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:17,661
I'm pretty sure that guy has
me confused with another Ed
766
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:19,955
Dude, everyone knows
you got the herps.
767
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,289
God damn it.
768
00:33:21,290 --> 00:33:25,711
I just realized I borrowed
your bathing suit last week.
769
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:29,840
Where would I find an
outsider, a real wham bam,
770
00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:31,633
thank you, ma'am, kind of guy?
771
00:33:31,634 --> 00:33:32,634
Drifter.
772
00:33:32,635 --> 00:33:35,595
ANNOUNCER (ON TV): We now return
you to Waterworld, The Musical,
773
00:33:35,596 --> 00:33:40,809
starring the traveling actor
galore, Mack Mackenzie.
774
00:33:40,810 --> 00:33:43,061
He knows of dry land.
775
00:33:43,062 --> 00:33:45,230
I've seen his dirt.
776
00:33:45,231 --> 00:33:47,399
But he's quick with a sword.
777
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,609
I warn you, be alert.
778
00:33:49,610 --> 00:33:51,820
Something about him is off.
779
00:33:51,821 --> 00:33:54,031
He's at least 20 kills.
780
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:56,450
He's hiding
something, I know it.
781
00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:57,868
Wait, stop him.
782
00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:59,619
He's got kills.
783
00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:02,039
[YELLING]
784
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,500
Well, if it's a fight
that you want, then a fight
785
00:34:05,501 --> 00:34:06,835
you shall get.
786
00:34:06,836 --> 00:34:10,797
But warn you, I must, it's
a fight you'll regret.
787
00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:19,598
Mack Mackenzie in town now
at the Huckleberry Playhouse
788
00:34:19,599 --> 00:34:21,641
for a very limited engagement.
789
00:34:21,642 --> 00:34:24,269
[SCREAMING]
790
00:34:24,270 --> 00:34:27,105
I'd like to live
in a water world.
791
00:34:27,106 --> 00:34:28,648
I'd like that very much.
792
00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:31,568
You wouldn't last 10
minutes in Waterworld.
793
00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:32,736
Smokers would eat you alive.
794
00:34:36,199 --> 00:34:37,783
Ooh, I got it.
795
00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:40,577
It just hit me like
a bolt of lightning.
796
00:34:40,578 --> 00:34:45,248
That actor, Mack Mackenzie, he's
the perfect man for the job.
797
00:34:45,249 --> 00:34:46,042
You think so?
798
00:34:46,043 --> 00:34:48,835
No, no, that is an
absolutely terrible idea.
799
00:34:48,836 --> 00:34:49,961
Why?
800
00:34:49,962 --> 00:34:53,173
Actors get so much vagina.
801
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:56,176
That man probably has moves
Dan's never even heard of.
802
00:34:56,177 --> 00:34:58,887
Yeah, and I bet he's
hung like a bear too.
803
00:34:58,888 --> 00:35:00,305
He's got to have a huge cock.
804
00:35:00,306 --> 00:35:03,642
Well, Dan, Dan, take
a look around you,
805
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:06,770
at the assorted male population
this town has to offer.
806
00:35:12,110 --> 00:35:13,485
This is on a good night.
807
00:35:13,486 --> 00:35:15,320
I'm telling you, that's the guy.
808
00:35:17,865 --> 00:35:18,949
Oh, not that guy.
809
00:35:19,868 --> 00:35:22,119
I've battled the best.
810
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,540
I'd fight Zeus up above,
but look into my heart.
811
00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,625
It just pumps love.
812
00:35:32,839 --> 00:35:33,631
Yeah.
813
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:35,006
You know him?
814
00:35:35,007 --> 00:35:36,842
I wish I didn't.
815
00:35:36,843 --> 00:35:39,761
Now I don't want to
make any assumptions here,
816
00:35:39,762 --> 00:35:42,472
but if you had to
guess... and again,
817
00:35:42,473 --> 00:35:48,728
I'm not implying anything by
this, but if you had to guess,
818
00:35:48,729 --> 00:35:52,315
how would you say he is in bed?
819
00:35:54,819 --> 00:35:59,364
Well, if I had to guess,
I'd say he has a 2 inch penis,
820
00:35:59,365 --> 00:36:01,575
the stamina of a
70-year-old with emphysema,
821
00:36:01,576 --> 00:36:04,119
and he won't be there in the
morning when you wake up.
822
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,873
Oh, and his balls
smell like pistachios.
823
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:11,334
That was a really good guess.
824
00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:13,378
Really good guess.
825
00:36:13,379 --> 00:36:14,838
[CHATTER]
826
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:17,048
This is the best thing
that happened all year.
827
00:36:17,049 --> 00:36:18,842
Awesome.
828
00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:19,885
- Oh, yeah.
- Let's go.
829
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:20,886
Let's go.
830
00:36:31,147 --> 00:36:35,275
Mariner does not wish to
be disturbed at the moment.
831
00:36:35,276 --> 00:36:37,611
Is this Mack
Mackenzie's dressing room?
832
00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:41,990
There is no Mr. Mackenzie,
there is only Mariner.
833
00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:43,825
Excuse me.
834
00:36:43,826 --> 00:36:48,205
When Mr. Mackenzie takes on
a role, he becomes that role
835
00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,374
and he only answers to
his character's name.
836
00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:52,168
Get it?
837
00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:53,168
Now go.
838
00:36:55,504 --> 00:36:56,546
Yeah.
839
00:36:56,547 --> 00:36:59,674
I really need to see Mr. Mack...
840
00:36:59,675 --> 00:37:00,509
Mariner.
841
00:37:00,510 --> 00:37:01,510
Mhm.
842
00:37:01,511 --> 00:37:02,636
It's not going to happen.
843
00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:05,263
So if you could please
leave and never come back,
844
00:37:05,264 --> 00:37:06,306
I'd really appreciate it.
845
00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:07,307
Thanks.
846
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:15,732
Mariner, I need your help.
847
00:37:15,733 --> 00:37:19,110
Mariner is a loner.
848
00:37:19,111 --> 00:37:22,113
He helps no one save himself.
849
00:37:22,114 --> 00:37:25,951
Please, you're the
only one who can help me.
850
00:37:25,952 --> 00:37:27,327
I need you to
sleep with my wife.
851
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:36,127
Is she hot?
852
00:37:36,128 --> 00:37:37,128
Very.
853
00:37:39,799 --> 00:37:41,883
Meet me in my
domicile after the show.
854
00:37:50,851 --> 00:37:53,061
ACTOR ON STAGE: What
you see over there?
855
00:37:53,062 --> 00:37:55,730
A lot of water.
856
00:37:55,731 --> 00:38:01,278
Damn this place,
this wretched world.
857
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:08,618
It's a livable world,
this water world.
858
00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:11,997
[MUSIC PLAYING]
859
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,835
Water everywhere.
860
00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:18,461
Water over here.
861
00:38:18,462 --> 00:38:20,171
Water over there.
862
00:38:20,172 --> 00:38:21,840
Water everywhere.
863
00:38:21,841 --> 00:38:22,924
Water over here.
864
00:38:22,925 --> 00:38:23,718
Water over there.
865
00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:24,552
Water over here.
866
00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:25,344
Water everywhere.
867
00:38:25,345 --> 00:38:27,012
It's water world.
868
00:38:27,013 --> 00:38:28,471
Water world.
869
00:38:28,472 --> 00:38:29,307
No trees.
870
00:38:29,308 --> 00:38:31,850
No rocks or need for socks.
871
00:38:31,851 --> 00:38:33,727
It's what a world.
872
00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,103
Water world.
873
00:38:35,104 --> 00:38:35,980
No cows.
874
00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:36,814
No sheep.
875
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:38,481
Or birds to pee.
876
00:38:38,482 --> 00:38:40,275
It's water world.
877
00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:41,276
Water world.
878
00:38:45,114 --> 00:38:46,740
No burgers or buns.
879
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,450
Only fish well done
880
00:38:48,451 --> 00:38:50,285
It's what world.
881
00:38:50,286 --> 00:38:51,870
What world.
882
00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:54,080
[MUSIC PLAYING]
883
00:38:54,081 --> 00:38:55,957
Well, it's water
world partners, word
884
00:38:55,958 --> 00:38:57,625
to Kevin Costner salty stinky.
885
00:38:57,626 --> 00:38:59,336
Pissy something
smells real fishy.
886
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:01,629
No need to brag and
no need to boast.
887
00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:04,215
East Coast, West Coast,
we ain't got no coast.
888
00:39:04,216 --> 00:39:06,885
Mess with the best, and we'll
turn you to shrimp toast.
889
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:07,720
Smoke an MC.
890
00:39:07,721 --> 00:39:10,055
I'll be the dopest MC
in the world, player.
891
00:39:10,056 --> 00:39:13,016
And I'm the water
world mayor, mayor.
892
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:17,062
These trees and rocks,
they're not meant for me.
893
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:18,813
Just look at my feet.
894
00:39:18,814 --> 00:39:20,940
I was made for the sea.
895
00:39:24,737 --> 00:39:26,821
Don't leave us Mariner.
896
00:39:26,822 --> 00:39:28,740
This is your fate.
897
00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:30,784
Besides, we're short of men.
898
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,119
We need to procreate.
899
00:39:38,501 --> 00:39:40,668
Freshwater is nice.
900
00:39:40,669 --> 00:39:42,629
It's cool and crisp.
901
00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:49,010
But on a hot summer's day, I
thirst for a warm cup of piss.
902
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:02,400
[GLASS BREAKING]
903
00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:06,027
Will we ever see you again?
904
00:40:06,028 --> 00:40:09,114
Anything's possible here.
905
00:40:09,115 --> 00:40:13,827
In this wonderful, magical...
906
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:15,036
Who are we kidding?
907
00:40:15,037 --> 00:40:16,204
It sucks balls.
908
00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:18,873
Waaa... water world.
909
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:29,342
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
910
00:40:49,155 --> 00:40:52,365
Can Mr. Mackenzie hear me?
911
00:40:52,366 --> 00:40:54,117
That would be impossible, seeing
912
00:40:54,118 --> 00:40:58,997
as how Mr. Mackenzie is not
even in this room right now.
913
00:40:58,998 --> 00:41:02,167
Uh, where is he?
914
00:41:02,168 --> 00:41:04,752
He must first shed the
skin of his character
915
00:41:04,753 --> 00:41:08,840
before he can get back
into his own skin.
916
00:41:08,841 --> 00:41:10,508
It sounds like a
real dedicated actor.
917
00:41:10,509 --> 00:41:11,343
Mm-hmm.
918
00:41:11,344 --> 00:41:13,386
The man once became
an ordained rabbi
919
00:41:13,387 --> 00:41:15,805
for a three-line part
in a student film,
920
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:17,849
went to rabbinical
school and everything.
921
00:41:17,850 --> 00:41:18,850
Mhm.
922
00:41:22,688 --> 00:41:29,944
So where exactly does he go to
do this skin switching thing?
923
00:41:29,945 --> 00:41:31,321
Dude, I don't know.
924
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:32,447
What do you want from me?
925
00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:34,741
The guy is clearly a wacko
who thinks he's the greatest
926
00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:36,993
actress since sliced bread
when in reality, he really
927
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,495
sucks my big huge hairy...
928
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,830
Hey, hey there, big guy.
929
00:41:40,831 --> 00:41:42,916
Great job tonight.
930
00:41:42,917 --> 00:41:44,959
Best performance yet.
931
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:46,753
Now could it be the
best performance yet.
932
00:41:46,754 --> 00:41:49,255
All of my performances
are the same, perfect.
933
00:41:49,256 --> 00:41:51,799
You can't perfect
perfection, especially
934
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,635
when the object that
you're trying to perfect
935
00:41:53,636 --> 00:41:56,137
is already perfect.
936
00:41:56,138 --> 00:41:58,014
Am I making myself
perfectly clear?
937
00:41:58,015 --> 00:41:59,390
Get your hands off me.
938
00:41:59,391 --> 00:42:00,892
Um, of course.
939
00:42:00,893 --> 00:42:03,394
I mean, that's what I meant.
940
00:42:03,395 --> 00:42:05,647
Leave us.
941
00:42:05,648 --> 00:42:06,814
We have business to discuss.
942
00:42:11,529 --> 00:42:14,405
[DOOR OPENING]
943
00:42:14,406 --> 00:42:17,784
[DOOR CLOSING]
944
00:42:19,245 --> 00:42:21,746
Am I talking to Mack right now?
945
00:42:21,747 --> 00:42:23,456
There's nobody else here.
946
00:42:23,457 --> 00:42:24,832
Good.
947
00:42:24,833 --> 00:42:31,881
Now the reason why
I'm here is kind of...
948
00:42:31,882 --> 00:42:34,801
You cheating on your wife, and
you think if your wife cheats
949
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:37,011
on you, you'll both be
even, all be forgiven,
950
00:42:37,012 --> 00:42:40,056
something like that.
951
00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:41,349
Wow.
952
00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:42,433
How did you know all that.
953
00:42:42,434 --> 00:42:43,726
Now that's not important.
954
00:42:43,727 --> 00:42:45,853
However, I got to tell you,
man, this plan of yours
955
00:42:45,854 --> 00:42:46,980
is absolute genius.
956
00:42:46,981 --> 00:42:48,731
There's no way it
could backfire.
957
00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:49,525
Good.
958
00:42:49,525 --> 00:42:50,359
Good.
959
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,402
I'm glad you feel that way.
960
00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:53,695
One problem though.
961
00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:01,536
What's in it for me?
962
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:04,038
How about the chance
to explore a character
963
00:43:04,039 --> 00:43:05,206
you have yet to play?
964
00:43:05,207 --> 00:43:06,624
I've played numerous characters
965
00:43:06,625 --> 00:43:09,335
who have been involved
in adulterous activity.
966
00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:19,596
But have you ever played a
character who was so bad in bed
967
00:43:19,597 --> 00:43:23,224
that the woman he was with was
completely turned off from ever
968
00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:25,226
having an affair again?
969
00:43:25,227 --> 00:43:27,353
That's interesting.
970
00:43:27,354 --> 00:43:29,647
In real life and on
stage, I've always
971
00:43:29,648 --> 00:43:31,316
been known as the
world's greatest lover
972
00:43:31,317 --> 00:43:34,027
and had to play the opposite
role that is most intriguing.
973
00:43:37,948 --> 00:43:40,366
I will have sex with your wife.
974
00:43:40,367 --> 00:43:47,206
And by god, it will be
the worst sex of her life.
975
00:43:50,669 --> 00:43:51,669
Hoo.
976
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:55,048
Hoo.
977
00:43:57,384 --> 00:44:00,887
Could you please direct me
to Marcy and Jacob's desk.
978
00:44:04,642 --> 00:44:08,436
[PHONE RINGING]
979
00:44:08,437 --> 00:44:09,729
Excuse me.
980
00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:10,772
Yes.
981
00:44:10,773 --> 00:44:13,566
I have a delivery
for Marcy Jacobs.
982
00:44:13,567 --> 00:44:15,443
I wasn't expecting...
983
00:44:15,444 --> 00:44:17,945
Yellow roses.
984
00:44:17,946 --> 00:44:19,656
You're beautiful.
985
00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:24,202
The flowers, they're beautiful.
986
00:44:24,203 --> 00:44:25,912
There isn't a note.
987
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:27,997
I didn't think a note
would do adequate justice
988
00:44:27,998 --> 00:44:31,501
in expressing just how
infatuated with you I am.
989
00:44:31,502 --> 00:44:33,461
These are from you?
990
00:44:33,462 --> 00:44:36,589
You got me.
991
00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:39,676
I can see that my
romantic gesture has come
992
00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:41,886
as a very welcome surprise.
993
00:44:41,887 --> 00:44:43,012
Do I know you?
994
00:44:43,013 --> 00:44:45,139
No, but I fully
intend on rectifying
995
00:44:45,140 --> 00:44:46,058
that little oversight.
996
00:44:46,059 --> 00:44:48,601
Shall we retire to a
more romantic setting
997
00:44:48,602 --> 00:44:51,979
to get better acquainted?
998
00:44:51,980 --> 00:44:54,065
I'd appreciate
it if you'd leave.
999
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:55,233
Oh, OK.
1000
00:44:57,861 --> 00:44:59,028
I hope you like it.
1001
00:44:59,029 --> 00:44:59,822
Bye.
1002
00:44:59,823 --> 00:45:06,327
Before I leave, first,
let me adjust my socks.
1003
00:45:06,328 --> 00:45:10,707
Sluggish socks throw my entire
equilibrium off balance.
1004
00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:11,749
Orange socks?
1005
00:45:11,750 --> 00:45:15,545
Yeah, orange is my
favorite sock color.
1006
00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:16,629
Mine too.
1007
00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:18,881
What?
1008
00:45:18,882 --> 00:45:20,383
I'm sorry, I didn't
catch your name.
1009
00:45:20,384 --> 00:45:21,801
Ric.
1010
00:45:21,802 --> 00:45:23,678
Ric Flair.
1011
00:45:23,679 --> 00:45:24,638
Ric Flair?
1012
00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:26,723
Ric Flair is the name of
my favorite pro wrestler.
1013
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:28,474
Yeah, he's sort of a hero to me.
1014
00:45:31,353 --> 00:45:33,646
What do you say I
buy you a drink?
1015
00:45:33,647 --> 00:45:35,231
It's 10:30 in the morning.
1016
00:45:35,232 --> 00:45:36,816
I'm an alcoholic.
1017
00:45:36,817 --> 00:45:39,944
Me too.
1018
00:45:39,945 --> 00:45:41,070
Come on, what do you say?
1019
00:45:44,032 --> 00:45:48,578
I don't know who
you are, Ric Flair.
1020
00:45:48,579 --> 00:45:49,579
You're probably right.
1021
00:45:49,580 --> 00:45:51,706
If I were to go
out with you now,
1022
00:45:51,707 --> 00:45:56,002
I'd probably be late for my
job at the Senior Center, so...
1023
00:45:56,003 --> 00:45:59,464
Wait, you work
at a senior center?
1024
00:45:59,465 --> 00:46:00,798
Well, I wouldn't call it work.
1025
00:46:00,799 --> 00:46:05,011
I volunteer there
every other day.
1026
00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:10,224
Keeps me grounded in what's
really important in life,
1027
00:46:10,225 --> 00:46:11,934
old people.
1028
00:46:11,935 --> 00:46:15,730
Do you know what I really
love about old people?
1029
00:46:15,731 --> 00:46:18,065
The smell.
1030
00:46:18,066 --> 00:46:21,986
[DEEP SIGH]
1031
00:46:21,987 --> 00:46:24,030
I guess wondering couldn't hurt.
1032
00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:26,073
[PHONE RINGING]
1033
00:46:26,074 --> 00:46:27,325
So?
1034
00:46:27,326 --> 00:46:29,827
So I'm trying not
to think about it.
1035
00:46:29,828 --> 00:46:32,205
Every time I do I get nauseated.
1036
00:46:32,206 --> 00:46:33,247
Speaking of which...
1037
00:46:33,248 --> 00:46:34,415
I don't have any staples.
1038
00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:35,875
Really?
1039
00:46:35,876 --> 00:46:38,878
What's that hard
object in your pants?
1040
00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:41,714
Maybe I should investigate, mhm.
1041
00:46:41,715 --> 00:46:43,216
Mhm.
1042
00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:44,383
Ooh.
1043
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,384
Oh.
1044
00:46:48,055 --> 00:46:51,140
Go figure.
1045
00:46:51,141 --> 00:46:53,643
Daddy would like to
see you in his office.
1046
00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:57,021
Um, I'm a little busy right now.
1047
00:46:57,022 --> 00:46:58,022
Can it wait?
1048
00:46:58,023 --> 00:47:01,526
I'm afraid it's much too
important to wait, god damn it.
1049
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:03,945
OK, I'll see you there.
1050
00:47:03,946 --> 00:47:06,155
Fuck off.
1051
00:47:06,156 --> 00:47:07,657
Ever since I've
been working here,
1052
00:47:07,658 --> 00:47:10,368
I haven't had a single
meeting in his office.
1053
00:47:10,369 --> 00:47:12,870
I wonder what it's about.
1054
00:47:12,871 --> 00:47:15,081
Well, if Catherine told
him about your affair,
1055
00:47:15,082 --> 00:47:17,124
it's probably about
figuring out where he's
1056
00:47:17,125 --> 00:47:19,961
going to stick his tiny
foot, down your throat
1057
00:47:19,962 --> 00:47:21,504
or up your tuchus.
1058
00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:24,215
You've been with this
company for a short time, Dan.
1059
00:47:24,216 --> 00:47:27,927
And in that time, you've proven
yourself to be a real asset.
1060
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:31,013
Do you understand what I'm
trying to say here, Dan?
1061
00:47:31,014 --> 00:47:35,810
You lost me at, for
a short time, Dan.
1062
00:47:35,811 --> 00:47:40,314
Let me see if I can put
it to you in other words.
1063
00:47:40,315 --> 00:47:41,275
Catherine.
1064
00:47:41,275 --> 00:47:42,275
Yes, daddy.
1065
00:47:52,452 --> 00:47:54,161
You know, I've
never liked you Dan.
1066
00:47:54,162 --> 00:47:56,706
And if it was up to
me, I would have had
1067
00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:59,500
you murdered a long time ago.
1068
00:47:59,501 --> 00:48:02,169
Again, sir, I cannot
apologize enough for what
1069
00:48:02,170 --> 00:48:03,462
happened at my bachelor party.
1070
00:48:03,463 --> 00:48:04,505
Shut up.
1071
00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:07,925
This is probably the
most difficult thing
1072
00:48:07,926 --> 00:48:10,678
I've ever had to say to you.
1073
00:48:10,679 --> 00:48:15,933
Dan, you... you've been promoted.
1074
00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:20,313
You are now the new executive
chief marketing manager
1075
00:48:20,314 --> 00:48:22,440
of the lower South East Coast.
1076
00:48:22,441 --> 00:48:24,692
Sir, I don't know what to say.
1077
00:48:24,693 --> 00:48:26,527
Save it.
1078
00:48:26,528 --> 00:48:28,905
You just better take
care of my baby girl.
1079
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:29,906
Got it?
1080
00:48:29,907 --> 00:48:32,783
Uh, sure.
1081
00:48:32,784 --> 00:48:33,993
I have to run.
1082
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:35,745
I have to prepare for the night.
1083
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:37,997
Oh, yes, your show.
1084
00:48:37,998 --> 00:48:41,250
Can't wait to see
you in action, sir.
1085
00:48:41,251 --> 00:48:42,085
Oh, great.
1086
00:48:42,085 --> 00:48:43,085
You're going?
1087
00:48:46,381 --> 00:48:47,381
Bye, Daddy.
1088
00:48:55,557 --> 00:48:58,225
Congratulations, Dan.
1089
00:48:58,226 --> 00:48:59,393
Thank you.
1090
00:48:59,394 --> 00:49:00,394
I got to go.
1091
00:49:00,395 --> 00:49:04,398
Oh, and Dan, you do realize
as the new executive chief
1092
00:49:04,399 --> 00:49:08,319
marketing manager of the
lower South East Coast,
1093
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,073
will have to stay
late most nights.
1094
00:49:12,074 --> 00:49:14,533
But don't worry, Dan.
1095
00:49:14,534 --> 00:49:18,663
I'll be here to help you out
whenever things get too hard.
1096
00:49:18,664 --> 00:49:22,667
And by hard, I'm referring
to your erect penis
1097
00:49:22,668 --> 00:49:24,835
penetrating my vagina.
1098
00:49:24,836 --> 00:49:27,421
OK.
1099
00:49:27,422 --> 00:49:29,715
Maybe you're not the
right man for the job, Dan.
1100
00:49:29,716 --> 00:49:31,050
Oh, I am.
1101
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:33,678
I mean, I am the
right man for the job,
1102
00:49:33,679 --> 00:49:37,515
excluding any and all
kinds of sexual relations.
1103
00:49:37,516 --> 00:49:39,892
I'm disappointed to hear that.
1104
00:49:39,893 --> 00:49:41,394
I know a couple of
other people that
1105
00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:43,771
would be disappointed
to hear that as well.
1106
00:49:43,772 --> 00:49:47,942
Catherine, what we shared
the other day was great,
1107
00:49:47,943 --> 00:49:52,321
probably the best sex I've
ever had, but it was a mistake.
1108
00:49:52,322 --> 00:49:55,616
I'm sorry if I misled you.
1109
00:49:55,617 --> 00:49:59,996
Don't you remember how
good we were in college, Dan?
1110
00:49:59,997 --> 00:50:01,288
ACTOR (ON TV): Knight creature.
1111
00:50:04,001 --> 00:50:05,334
[DISTANT VOICES ON TV]
1112
00:50:05,335 --> 00:50:08,796
Dan, how many times
do I have to tell you,
1113
00:50:08,797 --> 00:50:13,259
put a trash bag in the
can so I'm not standing
1114
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:15,469
here with an empty bottle?
1115
00:50:15,470 --> 00:50:16,554
I hate it.
1116
00:50:16,555 --> 00:50:18,681
How many fucking times
do I have to tell you?
1117
00:50:18,682 --> 00:50:20,141
How fucking hard is it?
1118
00:50:20,142 --> 00:50:22,018
What is your fucking problem?
1119
00:50:22,019 --> 00:50:24,145
Are you listening to me?
1120
00:50:24,146 --> 00:50:26,647
Stop smothering me.
1121
00:50:26,648 --> 00:50:28,065
Oh, yeah, Dan.
1122
00:50:28,066 --> 00:50:29,567
Why don't you go
turn off the lights
1123
00:50:29,568 --> 00:50:31,193
and masturbate to
The Cure again?
1124
00:50:31,194 --> 00:50:33,029
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
1125
00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:34,780
You never supported me.
1126
00:50:34,781 --> 00:50:37,491
And stop using my fucking make.
1127
00:50:37,492 --> 00:50:39,744
[GLASS BREAKING]
1128
00:50:39,745 --> 00:50:44,915
Uh, those were great
times, but college is over.
1129
00:50:44,916 --> 00:50:47,752
So...
1130
00:50:47,753 --> 00:50:50,296
11:00 AM, my office tomorrow.
1131
00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:52,673
You don't show, you needn't
come to work on Monday,
1132
00:50:52,674 --> 00:50:54,675
or I'll tell Daddy
and Marcy everything.
1133
00:50:54,676 --> 00:50:56,260
Now leave this room, Dan.
1134
00:50:58,430 --> 00:50:59,430
OK.
1135
00:51:06,146 --> 00:51:07,146
OK.
1136
00:51:09,149 --> 00:51:09,941
OK.
1137
00:51:09,941 --> 00:51:10,941
[HEAVY BREATHING] Oh.
1138
00:51:14,196 --> 00:51:17,740
[DOOR CLOSING]
1139
00:51:18,701 --> 00:51:21,118
DAN: What is taking
this guy so long?
1140
00:51:21,119 --> 00:51:22,912
Could he have got Marcy
in the bed already?
1141
00:51:22,913 --> 00:51:25,289
I thought you wanted
him to get it on.
1142
00:51:25,290 --> 00:51:26,124
Yes.
1143
00:51:26,124 --> 00:51:27,084
I mean, no.
1144
00:51:27,085 --> 00:51:29,502
I mean, I want Mack
to seduce Marcy,
1145
00:51:29,503 --> 00:51:34,924
but expect her not to jump in
bed with him on the first day...
1146
00:51:34,925 --> 00:51:35,925
The second day.
1147
00:51:38,595 --> 00:51:39,387
He's here
1148
00:51:39,388 --> 00:51:41,097
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1149
00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:43,474
(SINGING) Some real good crime.
1150
00:51:43,475 --> 00:51:47,144
Just get him out two years time.
1151
00:51:47,145 --> 00:51:50,564
[CHATTER]
1152
00:51:51,359 --> 00:51:54,485
(SINGING) Carry
on your birthday.
1153
00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:56,278
Ha, ha, ha ha.
1154
00:51:56,279 --> 00:51:57,072
Medium.
1155
00:51:57,073 --> 00:51:58,073
[MAKES CLICKING SOUND]
1156
00:51:58,073 --> 00:51:58,949
Damn it.
1157
00:51:58,949 --> 00:51:59,949
Atomic.
1158
00:52:02,702 --> 00:52:03,495
Hola amigo.
1159
00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:04,329
How goes it?
1160
00:52:04,329 --> 00:52:05,329
So what happened?
1161
00:52:08,750 --> 00:52:10,543
Leave us.
1162
00:52:10,544 --> 00:52:13,212
But you...
1163
00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:14,172
Go.
1164
00:52:14,173 --> 00:52:17,633
Let me drag my ass off.
1165
00:52:17,634 --> 00:52:20,928
First off, your wife is a babe.
1166
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,808
I mean, I've had my
fair share of tail,
1167
00:52:25,809 --> 00:52:29,937
but I am definitely looking
forward to putting the hurt
1168
00:52:29,938 --> 00:52:31,730
on that hot tamale of yours.
1169
00:52:35,735 --> 00:52:37,069
So you like wings, do you?
1170
00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:38,070
Yeah, bro.
1171
00:52:41,032 --> 00:52:42,032
You pussy.
1172
00:52:42,033 --> 00:52:44,577
Mild.
1173
00:52:44,578 --> 00:52:45,661
How do you do that?
1174
00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:52,168
DAN: Ed, Morris, Mack.
1175
00:52:52,169 --> 00:52:54,587
Ah, you're the guy with
the fire down below, right?
1176
00:52:57,716 --> 00:53:00,467
Strawberry daiquiri,
lightly chilled.
1177
00:53:04,973 --> 00:53:06,724
Oh, OK.
1178
00:53:12,939 --> 00:53:14,857
You got a problem, hombre?
1179
00:53:14,858 --> 00:53:16,609
First of all, I'm not your...
1180
00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:19,945
Hombre, hombre.
1181
00:53:19,946 --> 00:53:21,697
I've seen your commercial.
1182
00:53:21,698 --> 00:53:25,034
It reminded me of Juan
Carlos Mendoza's performance
1183
00:53:25,035 --> 00:53:32,499
in the Spanish soap opera, El
Amor Prohibido season five.
1184
00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:33,834
5.
1185
00:53:33,835 --> 00:53:41,133
Everyone knows El Amor
Prohibido peaked in season 3.
1186
00:53:41,134 --> 00:53:42,134
I know.
1187
00:53:58,360 --> 00:53:59,277
You blinked first.
1188
00:53:59,277 --> 00:54:00,277
Boss.
1189
00:54:03,573 --> 00:54:07,034
So what happened with Marcy?
1190
00:54:07,035 --> 00:54:12,665
Your wife wants my nuts, badly.
1191
00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:16,585
If all goes according to plan,
she will get them very soon.
1192
00:54:16,586 --> 00:54:18,379
Hey, nothing kinky.
1193
00:54:18,380 --> 00:54:21,465
You're supposed to
be a horrible lay.
1194
00:54:21,466 --> 00:54:24,802
You know what, I won't
do anything to her that I
1195
00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:25,970
wouldn't do to my own mother.
1196
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:40,776
I don't really
know about that guy.
1197
00:54:40,777 --> 00:54:43,988
Oh, I don't know,
he seems respectable...
1198
00:54:47,158 --> 00:54:48,158
Ish.
1199
00:54:55,208 --> 00:54:59,086
[GIGGLING]
1200
00:55:02,716 --> 00:55:03,550
Come on, Mike.
1201
00:55:03,550 --> 00:55:04,342
Open up.
1202
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:06,385
I got to talk to you.
1203
00:55:06,386 --> 00:55:07,178
Hey.
1204
00:55:07,178 --> 00:55:08,013
Whoa.
1205
00:55:08,014 --> 00:55:09,305
What's... what's up?
1206
00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:10,556
Going inside so we can talk.
1207
00:55:10,557 --> 00:55:13,183
No, let's talk right here.
1208
00:55:13,184 --> 00:55:14,226
What's wrong with you?
1209
00:55:14,227 --> 00:55:15,769
Nothing... is the matter.
1210
00:55:15,770 --> 00:55:20,983
I just... I'm with someone.
1211
00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:22,318
You sly dog.
1212
00:55:22,319 --> 00:55:23,736
Who is it?
1213
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:25,571
Oh, no, it's...
1214
00:55:25,572 --> 00:55:26,655
It's not... um.
1215
00:55:26,656 --> 00:55:28,073
- Oh, is she really fat?
- What?
1216
00:55:28,074 --> 00:55:28,867
No.
1217
00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:36,868
She's a dude because I'm gay.
1218
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:40,210
Really?
1219
00:55:40,211 --> 00:55:42,588
Yeah.
1220
00:55:42,589 --> 00:55:50,589
Yeah, I... I screw
dudes, a lot of dudes.
1221
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:56,226
So what's on your mind?
1222
00:55:56,227 --> 00:55:57,145
Huh?
1223
00:55:57,146 --> 00:55:59,772
Well, you said that you really
wanted to talk about something
1224
00:55:59,773 --> 00:56:00,565
when you came over.
1225
00:56:00,566 --> 00:56:02,358
What's up?
1226
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:05,361
Oh, yeah, uh...
1227
00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:08,113
You know, Marcy...
1228
00:56:08,114 --> 00:56:11,033
Mack was talking wings.
1229
00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:15,371
You're really gay?
1230
00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:16,872
Yes.
1231
00:56:16,873 --> 00:56:19,958
100% in the butt.
1232
00:56:19,959 --> 00:56:23,045
Very, very gay.
1233
00:56:23,046 --> 00:56:23,838
Pretty gay.
1234
00:56:23,839 --> 00:56:27,007
Uh, look, dude, if the whole
plan thing is really driving
1235
00:56:27,008 --> 00:56:29,385
you that crazy,
then just, you know,
1236
00:56:29,386 --> 00:56:33,680
forget about it, OK, and go
home and come clean to Marcy.
1237
00:56:33,681 --> 00:56:35,099
Yeah.
1238
00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:38,894
I'm going to go, let you get
back to whoever you're doing,
1239
00:56:38,895 --> 00:56:43,273
or whatever it is you're...
1240
00:56:43,274 --> 00:56:44,274
Bye.
1241
00:56:51,866 --> 00:56:52,742
Is he gone?
1242
00:56:52,742 --> 00:56:53,742
Yeah.
1243
00:56:55,620 --> 00:56:58,789
Oh, I hope everything
works out for him.
1244
00:56:58,790 --> 00:57:00,082
He deserves to be happy.
1245
00:57:03,336 --> 00:57:06,672
What's that in my ass?
1246
00:57:06,673 --> 00:57:07,673
My finger.
1247
00:57:10,385 --> 00:57:12,886
I love you.
1248
00:57:12,887 --> 00:57:16,598
[CHUCKLING]
1249
00:57:17,393 --> 00:57:19,393
[SIGHS]
1250
00:57:19,394 --> 00:57:21,228
What?
1251
00:57:21,229 --> 00:57:22,229
What is it?
1252
00:57:26,568 --> 00:57:32,865
Have you ever done something
that you knew was wrong,
1253
00:57:32,866 --> 00:57:35,742
and after you did it, all
you wanted was just to...
1254
00:57:35,743 --> 00:57:38,203
To take it back.
1255
00:57:38,204 --> 00:57:41,081
What are you talking about?
1256
00:57:41,082 --> 00:57:42,082
It's just...
1257
00:57:42,083 --> 00:57:46,420
I... well, I...
1258
00:57:54,345 --> 00:57:56,597
I tossed your father
at my bachelor party.
1259
00:57:56,598 --> 00:57:58,557
You did what?
1260
00:57:58,558 --> 00:58:04,438
I sort of tossed your
father at my bachelor party.
1261
00:58:04,439 --> 00:58:07,107
Oh.
1262
00:58:07,108 --> 00:58:08,609
That's it?
1263
00:58:08,610 --> 00:58:10,527
Yeah.
1264
00:58:10,528 --> 00:58:12,237
I mean, it was an
honest mistake.
1265
00:58:12,238 --> 00:58:15,574
You see, the boys, they
got us these little people,
1266
00:58:15,575 --> 00:58:18,952
you know, to toss, and we'll...
1267
00:58:18,953 --> 00:58:20,454
Do it on three.
1268
00:58:20,455 --> 00:58:23,790
[CHEERING]
1269
00:58:28,087 --> 00:58:29,047
Hey.
1270
00:58:29,048 --> 00:58:31,256
What the hell is
going on in here?
1271
00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:33,926
Huh?
1272
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:35,969
I've seen some pretty
horrific things in my time,
1273
00:58:35,970 --> 00:58:39,473
but this, this,
gentleman, takes the cake.
1274
00:58:39,474 --> 00:58:41,600
You should all be
ashamed of yourselves.
1275
00:58:41,601 --> 00:58:42,768
That's right.
Go on.
1276
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:45,354
Lower those heads because you
know what you did was wrong.
1277
00:58:48,274 --> 00:58:52,069
You never toss a little
person, feet first.
1278
00:58:55,657 --> 00:58:57,115
Now this is how you toss him.
1279
00:58:57,116 --> 00:59:00,494
[CHEERING]
1280
00:59:05,833 --> 00:59:06,668
Hey, you.
1281
00:59:06,669 --> 00:59:10,170
Hey, you, the guy who's getting
married, it's your turn, buddy.
1282
00:59:10,171 --> 00:59:11,547
You're up.
1283
00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:13,048
Oh, I don't know.
1284
00:59:13,049 --> 00:59:15,551
Tossing little people is kind
of offensive, don't you think?
1285
00:59:15,552 --> 00:59:16,427
No.
1286
00:59:16,428 --> 00:59:17,553
All right, I'm convinced.
1287
00:59:17,554 --> 00:59:18,346
What do I do?
1288
00:59:18,347 --> 00:59:19,930
OK.
1289
00:59:19,931 --> 00:59:26,061
Grab the little guy like so,
and then you give him whirl.
1290
00:59:26,062 --> 00:59:29,273
[CHEERING]
1291
00:59:30,191 --> 00:59:31,191
Like this?
1292
00:59:44,289 --> 00:59:47,583
You know, tossing a
little person is like a slap
1293
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:49,001
in their little faces.
1294
00:59:49,002 --> 00:59:50,877
I know.
1295
00:59:50,878 --> 00:59:52,462
I feel awful about it.
1296
00:59:52,463 --> 00:59:56,925
So that's all you
wanted to tell me?
1297
00:59:56,926 --> 00:59:59,303
Yeah.
1298
00:59:59,304 --> 01:00:02,264
Yeah, that's it.
1299
01:00:02,265 --> 01:00:04,224
So Mar, how's work?
1300
01:00:04,225 --> 01:00:05,851
Work's great.
1301
01:00:05,852 --> 01:00:07,603
That is a shame.
1302
01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:10,939
We could use a good executive
chief marketing manager
1303
01:00:10,940 --> 01:00:13,066
of the lower South East Coast.
1304
01:00:13,067 --> 01:00:14,234
That's my job.
1305
01:00:14,235 --> 01:00:15,777
If I work for
you, everyone would
1306
01:00:15,778 --> 01:00:17,946
think I got the job because
I'm the boss's daughter.
1307
01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:19,448
So dickless here,
he doesn't mind
1308
01:00:19,449 --> 01:00:20,949
that he got the job that way.
1309
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:24,161
He does not care
that people snicker
1310
01:00:24,162 --> 01:00:25,746
and point behind his back.
1311
01:00:25,747 --> 01:00:26,747
They do?
1312
01:00:29,459 --> 01:00:32,753
[DEEP SIGH] Looks like things
are about to get underway.
1313
01:00:32,754 --> 01:00:33,754
Excuse me.
1314
01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:39,259
I hope Dad still
remembers how to play.
1315
01:00:39,260 --> 01:00:40,636
I know.
1316
01:00:40,637 --> 01:00:44,431
Hope he fits into those pants.
1317
01:00:44,432 --> 01:00:47,851
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
1318
01:00:52,315 --> 01:00:56,276
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1319
01:01:09,624 --> 01:01:10,874
Are you ready to party?
1320
01:01:10,875 --> 01:01:14,795
[CHEERING]
1321
01:01:22,136 --> 01:01:24,346
How great was that third encore?
1322
01:01:24,347 --> 01:01:28,350
Yeah, great.
1323
01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:30,435
You know, it'd be nice
if you at least pretended
1324
01:01:30,436 --> 01:01:32,104
like you were having
a good time with me
1325
01:01:32,105 --> 01:01:33,480
when we're out in public.
1326
01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:36,358
I was pretending, a great time.
1327
01:01:36,359 --> 01:01:38,944
Tiny Kiss rules.
1328
01:01:38,945 --> 01:01:40,320
Are you avoiding me?
1329
01:01:40,321 --> 01:01:41,488
What?
1330
01:01:41,489 --> 01:01:43,532
What are you talking about?
1331
01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:45,701
It just seems like you're
going out of your way
1332
01:01:45,702 --> 01:01:47,077
to avoid me.
1333
01:01:47,078 --> 01:01:49,538
You're either working until
all hours of the night
1334
01:01:49,539 --> 01:01:51,832
or stuffing your
face with wings.
1335
01:01:51,833 --> 01:01:52,750
What are you saying?
1336
01:01:52,751 --> 01:01:54,960
You want to come to wings
with me and the boys?
1337
01:01:54,961 --> 01:01:56,169
Well, you can't.
1338
01:01:56,170 --> 01:01:58,296
No girls allowed.
1339
01:01:58,297 --> 01:02:00,882
It's just, I kind of wish we
could go back to the way things
1340
01:02:00,883 --> 01:02:03,051
were before our marriage.
1341
01:02:03,052 --> 01:02:06,304
Well, maybe if somebody
didn't get their vagina pierced.
1342
01:02:06,305 --> 01:02:07,098
Oh, god.
1343
01:02:07,099 --> 01:02:10,517
I'm so sick of you rubbing
my vagina in my face.
1344
01:02:10,518 --> 01:02:12,769
I tell you what, if
I ever get a piercing,
1345
01:02:12,770 --> 01:02:15,355
I give you full permission
to rub my dick in my face.
1346
01:02:15,356 --> 01:02:17,482
But I would never rub
your dick in your face.
1347
01:02:17,483 --> 01:02:21,695
But you just can't
get off my vagina.
1348
01:02:21,696 --> 01:02:23,655
You're being such
a dick right now.
1349
01:02:23,656 --> 01:02:24,698
Sorry.
1350
01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:26,658
I didn't know your vagina
was making me a dick.
1351
01:02:44,135 --> 01:02:46,136
Where are you going?
1352
01:02:46,137 --> 01:02:47,888
Oh, um...
1353
01:02:47,889 --> 01:02:50,891
I thought I'd sleep
on the couch tonight.
1354
01:02:50,892 --> 01:02:52,392
Oh.
1355
01:02:52,393 --> 01:02:57,230
I guess I'll see you
tomorrow, sometime.
1356
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:00,400
Good night.
1357
01:03:30,431 --> 01:03:33,683
Hello, Daniel.
1358
01:03:33,684 --> 01:03:36,812
Hi, sweetie.
1359
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:39,231
We thought since you
and Marcy were having
1360
01:03:39,232 --> 01:03:42,567
a little trouble under the
covers we make you a video a
1361
01:03:42,568 --> 01:03:45,028
how to...
1362
01:03:45,029 --> 01:03:48,740
Everybody needs a little
advice now and then.
1363
01:03:48,741 --> 01:03:54,329
If you want her to feel
dear, put it in her rear.
1364
01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:56,081
This is a lubrication.
1365
01:03:56,082 --> 01:03:56,999
Oh, my god.
1366
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:59,709
A little lotion for the motion.
1367
01:03:59,710 --> 01:04:00,710
They're not going to...
1368
01:04:00,711 --> 01:04:03,255
Anal, it'll change your life.
1369
01:04:16,310 --> 01:04:17,811
[GASPING]
1370
01:04:22,108 --> 01:04:24,359
MRS. HIATT: Need your glasses?
1371
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:25,360
I can't.
1372
01:04:36,914 --> 01:04:38,665
Are you getting this, Dan?
1373
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:40,542
See, it's so simple.
1374
01:04:40,543 --> 01:04:41,960
MRS. HIATT: Faster.
1375
01:04:41,961 --> 01:04:42,879
Faster.
1376
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:44,004
Faster.
1377
01:04:44,005 --> 01:04:44,839
Faster.
1378
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:45,922
Faster.
1379
01:04:45,923 --> 01:04:47,465
Faster.
1380
01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:48,259
Faster.
1381
01:04:48,260 --> 01:04:49,551
[MOANING]
1382
01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:50,552
Fuck me.
1383
01:04:50,553 --> 01:04:52,220
[MOANING]
1384
01:04:52,221 --> 01:04:53,305
MRS. HIATT: Yes.
1385
01:04:53,306 --> 01:04:54,306
Oh.
1386
01:05:23,628 --> 01:05:24,420
Oh, yeah.
1387
01:05:24,421 --> 01:05:26,796
ACTOR (ON TV): If
he dies, he dies.
1388
01:05:26,797 --> 01:05:27,881
Oh, yeah.
1389
01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:30,008
ACTOR (ON TV): If
he lives, he lives.
1390
01:05:30,009 --> 01:05:31,217
Oh, yeah.
Rewind.
1391
01:05:31,218 --> 01:05:32,719
ACTOR (ON TV): I
hit it pretty hard.
1392
01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:37,224
If he dies...
1393
01:05:37,224 --> 01:05:38,017
Sir Lundgren...
1394
01:05:38,018 --> 01:05:39,893
ACTOR (ON TV): He dies.
1395
01:05:39,894 --> 01:05:42,145
How do you do it?
1396
01:05:42,146 --> 01:05:43,229
[PHONE RINGING]
1397
01:05:43,230 --> 01:05:44,731
ACTOR (ON TV): I
hit it pretty hard.
1398
01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:45,732
Yag.
1399
01:05:45,733 --> 01:05:47,984
ACTOR (ON TV): In the face.
1400
01:05:47,985 --> 01:05:48,945
[SIGH]
1401
01:05:48,946 --> 01:05:50,570
Mack Mackenzie here.
1402
01:05:53,199 --> 01:05:54,075
Hello.
1403
01:05:54,076 --> 01:05:56,409
I'm sorry, I must
have the wrong number.
1404
01:05:56,410 --> 01:05:59,996
I was trying to reach Ric Flair.
1405
01:05:59,997 --> 01:06:01,706
Oh, hold on for a moment.
1406
01:06:04,585 --> 01:06:10,465
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
1407
01:06:10,466 --> 01:06:11,466
Get the fuck out.
1408
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:15,929
Marcy?
1409
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:18,348
Oh, it's you.
1410
01:06:18,349 --> 01:06:21,434
It's me, all right, Ric Flair.
1411
01:06:21,435 --> 01:06:23,979
Who's Mack Mackenzie?
1412
01:06:23,980 --> 01:06:26,564
Well, he's an astonishing
actor with the body of a Roman
1413
01:06:26,565 --> 01:06:28,066
Warrior and the
soul of a saint, but
1414
01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:29,401
that's not important right now.
1415
01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:34,114
What can I do for you, or
better yet, to you, right?
1416
01:06:34,115 --> 01:06:36,950
Well, I was sort
of wondering if you
1417
01:06:36,951 --> 01:06:40,412
weren't too busy at the moment.
1418
01:06:40,413 --> 01:06:41,871
You're not too busy, are you?
1419
01:06:41,872 --> 01:06:43,707
Just doing some last
minute packing, doll.
1420
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:47,085
Watching my favorite actor
Dolph Lundgren kick butt.
1421
01:06:47,086 --> 01:06:50,130
I love Dolph Lundgren.
1422
01:06:50,131 --> 01:06:51,965
He's probably the
most underrated...
1423
01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:53,550
Action star of our time.
1424
01:06:57,805 --> 01:07:01,307
This is kind of
hard for me to say.
1425
01:07:01,308 --> 01:07:03,643
Do you want to
meet up for a drink?
1426
01:07:03,644 --> 01:07:07,731
Um, well, actually,
I was sort of hoping
1427
01:07:07,732 --> 01:07:10,358
we could meet somewhere
a little more intimate.
1428
01:07:10,359 --> 01:07:12,402
I know just the place.
1429
01:07:12,403 --> 01:07:13,695
Hm.
1430
01:07:13,696 --> 01:07:15,864
[CHATTER]
1431
01:07:15,865 --> 01:07:18,992
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1432
01:07:23,831 --> 01:07:25,123
This is it.
1433
01:07:25,124 --> 01:07:28,084
Mike leaves town tomorrow.
1434
01:07:28,085 --> 01:07:30,295
Well, if he leaves
without seeing Marcy.
1435
01:07:30,296 --> 01:07:31,255
Mhm.
1436
01:07:31,256 --> 01:07:33,131
I'm going to come
clean regardless.
1437
01:07:33,132 --> 01:07:35,508
What are you going to do
about the Catherine situation?
1438
01:07:35,509 --> 01:07:37,635
I don't care about
her, or my job.
1439
01:07:37,636 --> 01:07:39,012
The only thing I
care about right
1440
01:07:39,013 --> 01:07:44,142
now is making sure my wife
has sex with some dude.
1441
01:07:44,143 --> 01:07:47,645
Dan, I like Marcy.
1442
01:07:47,646 --> 01:07:49,814
I think we all do.
1443
01:07:49,815 --> 01:07:51,941
Did you ever stop
to wonder if she's
1444
01:07:51,942 --> 01:07:53,902
really worth all this trouble?
1445
01:07:59,492 --> 01:08:01,785
Are you serious?
1446
01:08:01,786 --> 01:08:03,036
You guys talked me into this.
1447
01:08:03,037 --> 01:08:04,662
You said I had no choice.
1448
01:08:04,663 --> 01:08:06,122
And we stand by that.
1449
01:08:06,123 --> 01:08:09,292
If you really want to save your
marriage, this is the only way,
1450
01:08:09,293 --> 01:08:13,004
but that's only if you really
want to save your marriage.
1451
01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:14,547
That's all Morris is asking you.
1452
01:08:18,803 --> 01:08:21,596
Did I ever tell you guys about
the day Marcy saved my life?
1453
01:08:26,352 --> 01:08:29,521
Gentlemen, I'm about to
regale you with the greatest
1454
01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:33,024
love story of all time.
1455
01:08:33,025 --> 01:08:36,069
I was a junior in college and
Marcy was just a freshman.
1456
01:08:36,070 --> 01:08:38,530
I was dating
Catherine at the time.
1457
01:08:38,531 --> 01:08:40,490
It was our anniversary,
and we were planning
1458
01:08:40,491 --> 01:08:42,575
a nice romantic picnic.
1459
01:08:42,576 --> 01:08:44,869
I was going to bone her
after the sun went down.
1460
01:08:44,870 --> 01:08:46,955
[PHONE RINGING]
1461
01:08:46,956 --> 01:08:48,081
Hi, sweetheart.
1462
01:08:48,082 --> 01:08:49,958
Hey, Dan.
1463
01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:52,919
So something came up.
1464
01:08:52,920 --> 01:08:55,046
So I don't think I'm going
to be able to meet you.
1465
01:08:55,047 --> 01:08:56,422
What do you mean?
1466
01:08:56,423 --> 01:08:58,174
What could be more
important than our four
1467
01:08:58,175 --> 01:09:00,593
month anniversary?
1468
01:09:00,594 --> 01:09:03,638
I got a test tomorrow
in French class.
1469
01:09:03,639 --> 01:09:05,140
But you take Spanish.
1470
01:09:05,141 --> 01:09:06,641
I know.
1471
01:09:06,642 --> 01:09:08,268
It's why I have to
study really hard.
1472
01:09:08,269 --> 01:09:10,228
But I promise to make it
up to you baby, all right?
1473
01:09:10,229 --> 01:09:11,021
But...
1474
01:09:11,022 --> 01:09:13,064
[PHONE HANGS]
1475
01:09:13,065 --> 01:09:14,941
You think he suspects anything?
1476
01:09:14,942 --> 01:09:16,818
No, he's an idiot.
1477
01:09:16,819 --> 01:09:17,819
Get back to work.
1478
01:09:20,781 --> 01:09:23,867
DAN (VOICEOVER): Looking back,
I suspect Catherine was cheating
1479
01:09:23,868 --> 01:09:26,369
on me at that very moment.
1480
01:09:26,370 --> 01:09:27,537
FRIEND: What?
1481
01:09:27,538 --> 01:09:29,205
That's crazy.
1482
01:09:29,206 --> 01:09:30,874
Why would you think
something like that?
1483
01:09:43,262 --> 01:09:46,264
DAN (VOICEOVER):
That's when I saw her.
1484
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,224
[GASPS]
1485
01:09:47,225 --> 01:09:49,475
Help me!
1486
01:09:49,476 --> 01:09:50,269
Oh, my god.
1487
01:09:50,270 --> 01:09:53,313
[SCREAMING]
1488
01:09:54,107 --> 01:09:55,356
DAN (VOICEOVER):
I don't know if it
1489
01:09:55,357 --> 01:09:58,902
was the way she wore her hair
that day or the lack of oxygen
1490
01:09:58,903 --> 01:10:00,737
getting to my brain.
1491
01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:02,322
I was mesmerized.
1492
01:10:02,323 --> 01:10:03,781
Ah.
1493
01:10:03,782 --> 01:10:11,456
[HEAVY BREATHING] Honey,
running into you here...
1494
01:10:11,457 --> 01:10:14,459
I thought today
is your anniversary.
1495
01:10:14,460 --> 01:10:15,460
Where's my sister?
1496
01:10:18,297 --> 01:10:19,923
Catherine couldn't make it.
1497
01:10:23,594 --> 01:10:25,220
You poor thing.
1498
01:10:25,221 --> 01:10:27,347
But I have all this food here.
1499
01:10:27,348 --> 01:10:29,974
Would you care to join me?
1500
01:10:29,975 --> 01:10:31,935
Sure, we'd love to.
1501
01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:34,729
DAN (VOICEOVER): So I wound up
spending my entire anniversary
1502
01:10:34,730 --> 01:10:37,398
without my girlfriend,
and I couldn't
1503
01:10:37,399 --> 01:10:38,691
have had a better time.
1504
01:10:43,989 --> 01:10:45,114
We talked.
1505
01:10:45,115 --> 01:10:46,449
We laughed.
1506
01:10:46,450 --> 01:10:48,576
We fed the old woman.
1507
01:10:48,577 --> 01:10:49,661
It was fate, really.
1508
01:10:53,791 --> 01:10:57,293
Someone upstairs knew that we
were supposed to be together.
1509
01:10:57,294 --> 01:11:00,046
And after that
glorious day, I never
1510
01:11:00,047 --> 01:11:04,592
wanted to spend another
moment without my Marcy.
1511
01:11:04,593 --> 01:11:09,514
Do you understand now why
I have to save my marriage?
1512
01:11:09,515 --> 01:11:11,349
I understand.
1513
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:14,143
This story was
fucking beautiful.
1514
01:11:14,144 --> 01:11:16,646
It made me believe
in true love again.
1515
01:11:16,647 --> 01:11:17,855
Really?
1516
01:11:17,856 --> 01:11:19,107
No, that story was gay.
1517
01:11:19,108 --> 01:11:21,442
Hey, am I not gay bashing?
1518
01:11:21,443 --> 01:11:24,696
Some of us find
it very offensive.
1519
01:11:24,697 --> 01:11:28,408
Why would some of us
find that very offensive?
1520
01:11:32,621 --> 01:11:33,621
Mike.
1521
01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:40,253
It's time to stop hiding.
1522
01:11:40,254 --> 01:11:42,880
Oh, right, yeah.
1523
01:11:42,881 --> 01:11:43,716
I'm gay.
1524
01:11:43,717 --> 01:11:45,216
What?
1525
01:11:45,217 --> 01:11:47,760
Oh, yeah, big
time fag, big time.
1526
01:11:47,761 --> 01:11:51,597
Love taking it... right
in the ol' stink there.
1527
01:11:51,598 --> 01:11:52,391
Yeah.
1528
01:11:52,392 --> 01:11:56,602
Love, love a good fudge packing.
1529
01:11:56,603 --> 01:11:58,604
Yeah, yeah, big time fruit.
1530
01:12:01,525 --> 01:12:02,859
[PHONE RINGING]
1531
01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:05,153
Hello.
1532
01:12:05,154 --> 01:12:07,322
Really, it's totally
the same, you know.
1533
01:12:07,323 --> 01:12:09,240
I mean, I fucked all my
girls from behind too,
1534
01:12:09,241 --> 01:12:10,825
so no difference for me.
1535
01:12:12,870 --> 01:12:13,662
Hey, hey.
1536
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:16,080
Does Marcy like to be
in the top or the bottom
1537
01:12:16,081 --> 01:12:18,166
because she strikes me
as being in control,
1538
01:12:18,167 --> 01:12:20,209
I like to be on
top kind of girl.
1539
01:12:20,210 --> 01:12:22,462
What the hell are
you talking about?
1540
01:12:22,463 --> 01:12:24,964
I'm talking about your
wife Marcy on her way
1541
01:12:24,965 --> 01:12:26,883
to my motel room
right now as we speak,
1542
01:12:26,884 --> 01:12:29,010
room 206 at the Hi-Ho Motel.
1543
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:32,138
It's going to be a rocket.
1544
01:12:32,139 --> 01:12:35,224
Thinking I might even try my new
move, the Mack In Two Shatter.
1545
01:12:37,936 --> 01:12:41,773
Not sure why I divulged so
much information, but whatever.
1546
01:12:41,774 --> 01:12:42,691
This can't happen.
1547
01:12:42,692 --> 01:12:46,402
Just make up an excuse
and send her away.
1548
01:12:46,403 --> 01:12:48,446
Hey, man, I thought you
were going to be happy.
1549
01:12:48,447 --> 01:12:50,573
Look, I've been doing
a lot of thinking,
1550
01:12:50,574 --> 01:12:54,869
and I think we should just
call the whole thing off.
1551
01:12:54,870 --> 01:12:56,537
You know what, I got to go.
1552
01:12:56,538 --> 01:12:57,705
I got to get into character.
1553
01:12:57,706 --> 01:12:58,499
Wait, no.
1554
01:12:58,500 --> 01:13:00,416
Ha, ha.
1555
01:13:00,417 --> 01:13:01,210
Mack.
1556
01:13:01,210 --> 01:13:02,002
Hello.
1557
01:13:02,003 --> 01:13:03,086
Hello.
1558
01:13:03,087 --> 01:13:06,172
[SIGH]
1559
01:13:09,343 --> 01:13:10,885
And you pull it
out and wipe it off.
1560
01:13:10,886 --> 01:13:12,595
It's pretty much the
same thing, guys.
1561
01:13:15,891 --> 01:13:17,725
So?
1562
01:13:17,726 --> 01:13:20,311
Marcy is on her way
back to Mack's motel room.
1563
01:13:20,312 --> 01:13:21,312
All right.
1564
01:13:23,899 --> 01:13:26,859
Guys, you're going to have
to find another small forward.
1565
01:13:26,860 --> 01:13:28,653
Where's he going?
1566
01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:31,072
To ruin the one chance he
had at saving his marriage.
1567
01:13:37,538 --> 01:13:38,330
Hey, dude.
1568
01:13:38,331 --> 01:13:39,497
Are you really gay?
1569
01:13:39,498 --> 01:13:40,290
Oh, no, no, no.
1570
01:13:40,291 --> 01:13:42,375
I just told Dan that so
he wouldn't get suspicious
1571
01:13:42,376 --> 01:13:43,376
about me and his mom.
1572
01:13:47,256 --> 01:13:49,090
I left my bag.
1573
01:13:49,091 --> 01:13:50,258
Oh.
1574
01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:51,300
Hey, son.
1575
01:13:51,301 --> 01:13:53,344
I mean, buddy.
1576
01:13:53,345 --> 01:13:57,849
You know, it's... it's
not as bad as it sounds.
1577
01:13:57,850 --> 01:14:05,850
Oh, me and your mom, Mrs.
Jacobs Nancy, we're in love.
1578
01:14:05,899 --> 01:14:09,110
You're boning my mom?
1579
01:14:09,111 --> 01:14:13,239
Yeah, I am.
1580
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:15,283
So you're not gay?
1581
01:14:15,284 --> 01:14:16,576
No.
1582
01:14:16,577 --> 01:14:18,536
Oh, thank god.
1583
01:14:18,537 --> 01:14:21,414
I was having trouble
accepting your lifestyle,
1584
01:14:21,415 --> 01:14:22,790
a load off my mind.
1585
01:14:26,211 --> 01:14:28,880
Well, that went pretty well.
1586
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:29,881
Yeah.
1587
01:14:32,176 --> 01:14:33,135
All right.
1588
01:14:33,135 --> 01:14:33,927
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1589
01:14:33,928 --> 01:14:37,388
(SINGING) Baby,
I've been wanting
1590
01:14:37,389 --> 01:14:41,225
more of that love you give.
1591
01:14:41,226 --> 01:14:44,979
Ooh, it hurts to be wrong.
1592
01:14:44,980 --> 01:14:50,359
Baby, we're going to
need the doctor's care
1593
01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:52,278
to help me through the night.
1594
01:14:52,279 --> 01:14:56,073
Oh, look what you've done.
1595
01:14:56,074 --> 01:14:58,576
I don't know what
I've been told.
1596
01:14:58,577 --> 01:14:59,369
The world outside...
1597
01:14:59,370 --> 01:15:01,954
Mack.
1598
01:15:01,955 --> 01:15:04,665
Magnum, I guess.
1599
01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:07,126
Am I too late?
1600
01:15:07,127 --> 01:15:08,294
Too late for what?
1601
01:15:08,295 --> 01:15:10,963
I'm afraid I don't know
what you're talking about.
1602
01:15:10,964 --> 01:15:12,965
Stop messing around.
1603
01:15:12,966 --> 01:15:14,800
Look, the reason
why I came down here
1604
01:15:14,801 --> 01:15:16,636
is because I changed my mind.
1605
01:15:16,637 --> 01:15:17,637
Well, that's great.
1606
01:15:17,638 --> 01:15:19,597
I'm very excited for you
and your new decision,
1607
01:15:19,598 --> 01:15:24,894
but I don't know who you are.
1608
01:15:24,895 --> 01:15:26,646
So I'm going to ask
you to leave me alone.
1609
01:15:26,647 --> 01:15:28,356
I'm expecting a very
important guest.
1610
01:15:28,357 --> 01:15:29,941
So if you'll excuse me.
1611
01:15:29,942 --> 01:15:32,193
Look, Mack, I don't
know what kind of game
1612
01:15:32,194 --> 01:15:33,194
you're playing here.
1613
01:15:36,156 --> 01:15:37,865
Oh, I see the problem.
1614
01:15:37,866 --> 01:15:38,659
Good.
1615
01:15:38,660 --> 01:15:41,577
You obviously have me confused
with some guy named Mack.
1616
01:15:41,578 --> 01:15:44,455
Now I get mistaken for
other people all the time.
1617
01:15:44,456 --> 01:15:45,790
What are you talking about?
1618
01:15:45,791 --> 01:15:47,500
I'm not mistaking
you for anybody.
1619
01:15:47,501 --> 01:15:49,252
You are Mack Mackenzie.
1620
01:15:49,253 --> 01:15:53,589
I asked you to
sleep with my wife.
1621
01:15:53,590 --> 01:15:55,132
Oh, you must be Marcy's husband.
1622
01:15:55,133 --> 01:15:55,926
Look, man.
1623
01:15:55,927 --> 01:15:58,177
First of all, my
name is Ric Flair.
1624
01:15:58,178 --> 01:16:01,180
Stop with the the
skin switching thing.
1625
01:16:01,181 --> 01:16:03,558
You met me a few
days ago backstage
1626
01:16:03,559 --> 01:16:06,435
at Waterworld, The Musical.
1627
01:16:06,436 --> 01:16:08,938
Waterworld, The Musical.
1628
01:16:08,939 --> 01:16:10,648
That could actually work.
1629
01:16:10,649 --> 01:16:12,692
I'm sorry, but I've
never seen you before.
1630
01:16:12,693 --> 01:16:14,402
Mack, can you hear me?
1631
01:16:14,403 --> 01:16:15,195
Mack.
1632
01:16:15,196 --> 01:16:17,405
Listen, look, look,
look, you're upset, man.
1633
01:16:17,406 --> 01:16:19,282
Your wife is cheating
on you, and it hurts.
1634
01:16:21,910 --> 01:16:23,995
I know.
1635
01:16:23,996 --> 01:16:25,788
I've been hurt too.
1636
01:16:25,789 --> 01:16:28,207
Tennis elbow, shin splints.
1637
01:16:28,208 --> 01:16:31,127
I can imagine that it's
similar to an emotional hurt.
1638
01:16:31,128 --> 01:16:34,088
Is your wife on the pill because
condoms just mess up my game?
1639
01:16:34,089 --> 01:16:36,299
You son of a bitch.
1640
01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:37,675
[SCREAMING]
1641
01:16:37,676 --> 01:16:39,885
Oh, dude.
1642
01:16:39,886 --> 01:16:42,388
That's a shame.
1643
01:16:42,389 --> 01:16:44,849
You know, a little
help over here.
1644
01:16:44,850 --> 01:16:46,350
[CAR HOOTING]
1645
01:16:50,814 --> 01:16:54,317
[SIREN RINGING]
1646
01:17:02,743 --> 01:17:03,743
Hi.
1647
01:17:07,581 --> 01:17:09,498
What's that?
1648
01:17:09,499 --> 01:17:11,334
Oh, that?
1649
01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:14,545
That's just my new pinkie ring.
1650
01:17:14,546 --> 01:17:17,089
Yeah, I'm a pinkie
you ring guy now.
1651
01:17:17,090 --> 01:17:17,883
Why?
1652
01:17:17,884 --> 01:17:19,425
Is that a problem?
1653
01:17:19,426 --> 01:17:20,218
No.
1654
01:17:20,219 --> 01:17:23,638
I mean, it's fine if you
want to be a pinky ring guy.
1655
01:17:23,639 --> 01:17:26,515
I guess it's all right.
1656
01:17:26,516 --> 01:17:34,148
Well, maybe if I tried
it on another finger,
1657
01:17:34,149 --> 01:17:35,149
it would look better.
1658
01:17:38,445 --> 01:17:40,821
There.
1659
01:17:40,822 --> 01:17:42,531
Are you?
1660
01:17:42,532 --> 01:17:43,532
Well, are you?
1661
01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:02,176
Hey.
1662
01:18:10,435 --> 01:18:12,436
[DOOR BANGING]
1663
01:18:22,406 --> 01:18:23,948
Dear Marcy.
1664
01:18:23,949 --> 01:18:27,660
Your love is like a pile
driver to a senior citizen
1665
01:18:27,661 --> 01:18:29,328
wearing orange socks.
1666
01:18:29,329 --> 01:18:31,080
Love, Ric Flair.
1667
01:18:45,429 --> 01:18:49,390
[SCREAMING]
1668
01:18:49,391 --> 01:18:50,391
Marcy.
1669
01:18:50,392 --> 01:18:51,392
In the living room.
1670
01:18:54,229 --> 01:18:55,813
How was your game, babe?
1671
01:18:55,814 --> 01:18:57,106
The usual.
1672
01:18:57,107 --> 01:18:58,816
Mhm, didn't play, huh?
1673
01:18:58,817 --> 01:18:59,859
What happened?
1674
01:18:59,860 --> 01:19:02,528
It's just a sprain,
nothing serious.
1675
01:19:02,529 --> 01:19:04,530
Marcy, honey, we need to talk.
1676
01:19:04,531 --> 01:19:06,115
I'm going to get a bandage.
Just sit.
1677
01:19:06,116 --> 01:19:07,116
- But...
- Sit.
1678
01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:20,045
I think it's about time
we had a heart to heart.
1679
01:19:20,046 --> 01:19:21,255
What are you talking about?
1680
01:19:21,256 --> 01:19:27,636
What I'm trying to say
is, I know about everything.
1681
01:19:30,182 --> 01:19:31,432
You do?
1682
01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:35,436
I know you had an affair,
and I don't blame you.
1683
01:19:35,437 --> 01:19:37,146
You don't?
1684
01:19:37,147 --> 01:19:38,647
No, of course not.
1685
01:19:38,648 --> 01:19:40,065
You were set up.
1686
01:19:40,066 --> 01:19:41,984
If I hadn't cheated
on you to begin with,
1687
01:19:41,985 --> 01:19:42,944
you wouldn't been
in that situation.
1688
01:19:42,944 --> 01:19:43,904
You cheated on me?
1689
01:19:43,904 --> 01:19:44,904
With who?
1690
01:19:48,074 --> 01:19:50,993
With Catherine.
1691
01:19:50,994 --> 01:19:53,329
And then Mike gave me
this crazy idea that if I
1692
01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:54,580
could get you to cheat on me...
1693
01:19:54,581 --> 01:19:55,790
My sister?
1694
01:19:55,791 --> 01:19:58,876
She was supposed to tell me.
1695
01:19:58,877 --> 01:20:01,170
She was supposed to tell you?
1696
01:20:01,171 --> 01:20:07,843
See, after I had my affair, I
asked Catherine to seduce you.
1697
01:20:07,844 --> 01:20:10,805
I think you're a
little confused here.
1698
01:20:10,806 --> 01:20:14,225
I'm the one who set
you up with Mack.
1699
01:20:14,226 --> 01:20:16,477
Who's Mack?
1700
01:20:16,478 --> 01:20:17,978
Ric Flair.
1701
01:20:17,979 --> 01:20:19,480
I didn't sleep with Ric Flair.
1702
01:20:19,481 --> 01:20:23,150
So you didn't go to Mack
or Ric Flair's motel room
1703
01:20:23,151 --> 01:20:23,985
earlier today?
1704
01:20:23,986 --> 01:20:26,821
Yeah, I did, but I just
went for floral guidance.
1705
01:20:26,822 --> 01:20:29,198
I needed to know what
kind of arrangement says,
1706
01:20:29,199 --> 01:20:33,869
I'm sorry I let another man bake
my muffin, please forgive me.
1707
01:20:33,870 --> 01:20:37,957
I was planning on telling
you everything tonight.
1708
01:20:37,958 --> 01:20:39,500
I left a second
he opened his robe
1709
01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:42,378
and started swinging
his thing around.
1710
01:20:42,379 --> 01:20:43,171
Arg.
1711
01:20:43,172 --> 01:20:44,964
I'm really confused right now.
1712
01:20:44,965 --> 01:20:46,257
Who cheated on who?
1713
01:20:46,258 --> 01:20:51,303
And with whom did said
person cheat with?
1714
01:20:51,304 --> 01:20:58,227
You slept with Catherine,
and I slept with Dale.
1715
01:20:58,228 --> 01:21:00,104
Who the hell is Dale?
1716
01:21:00,105 --> 01:21:01,022
Dale.
1717
01:21:01,023 --> 01:21:04,733
Dale was the stripper at
my bachelorette party.
1718
01:21:04,734 --> 01:21:05,985
Your bachelorette party?
1719
01:21:05,986 --> 01:21:07,653
That was three months ago.
1720
01:21:07,654 --> 01:21:08,530
I know.
1721
01:21:08,531 --> 01:21:13,075
But I was really drunk,
and I thought he was you.
1722
01:21:13,076 --> 01:21:16,161
He had your same cologne,
your same crooked penis.
1723
01:21:16,162 --> 01:21:17,663
All right, enough, I get it.
1724
01:21:21,251 --> 01:21:22,543
Why didn't you just tell me?
1725
01:21:25,171 --> 01:21:29,758
I guess, for the same reason
that you didn't tell me.
1726
01:21:29,759 --> 01:21:33,804
Catherine gave me this whole
thing about evening the score.
1727
01:21:33,805 --> 01:21:41,805
So I faked a few headaches and
asked Catherine to seduce you.
1728
01:21:42,939 --> 01:21:46,025
So this whole
time, the headaches,
1729
01:21:46,026 --> 01:21:50,738
the crabby behavior, the
piercing, it was all a charade.
1730
01:21:50,739 --> 01:21:54,450
Yes, except for
the piercing, which
1731
01:21:54,451 --> 01:21:55,910
I'm actually starting to like.
1732
01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:57,119
It's kind of growing on me.
1733
01:21:57,120 --> 01:21:59,538
I think I'm going to keep it.
1734
01:21:59,539 --> 01:22:03,918
If anything, this just proves
that we're made for each other.
1735
01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:08,589
I mean, we'd both do
anything to save our marriage
1736
01:22:08,590 --> 01:22:09,715
because we love each other.
1737
01:22:12,844 --> 01:22:14,678
You still love me,
don't you, Dan?
1738
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:18,891
I don't think I know you.
1739
01:22:25,732 --> 01:22:27,024
Dan.
1740
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:28,025
[DOOR OPENING]
1741
01:22:28,026 --> 01:22:29,026
Dan.
1742
01:22:32,280 --> 01:22:33,280
Dan.
1743
01:22:35,784 --> 01:22:36,784
Dan.
1744
01:22:39,412 --> 01:22:41,205
Oh, Mrs. Jacobs.
1745
01:22:41,206 --> 01:22:44,500
Yeah, you like that,
you dirty little girl.
1746
01:22:44,501 --> 01:22:46,335
Oh, yes.
1747
01:22:46,336 --> 01:22:47,419
Oh, yes.
1748
01:22:47,420 --> 01:22:48,629
What's that?
1749
01:22:48,630 --> 01:22:51,215
My cesarean scar
from when I had Dan.
1750
01:22:51,216 --> 01:22:52,424
Oh, god, that's so hot.
1751
01:22:52,425 --> 01:22:53,926
I just want to lick it.
1752
01:22:53,927 --> 01:22:54,803
Oh, I'm going to cum.
1753
01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:55,679
I'm going to cum.
1754
01:22:55,680 --> 01:22:58,138
No, not on Dan's baby picture.
1755
01:22:58,139 --> 01:22:59,223
Oh, too late.
1756
01:22:59,224 --> 01:23:00,224
Oh.
1757
01:23:14,155 --> 01:23:15,406
[SCREAMING]
1758
01:23:15,407 --> 01:23:17,449
So how are things with
you and what's her face?
1759
01:23:17,450 --> 01:23:18,993
Sheila?
1760
01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:20,494
She left me.
1761
01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:24,164
Wanted to settle
down, start a family.
1762
01:23:24,165 --> 01:23:27,584
Told her I wasn't
ready to commit.
1763
01:23:27,585 --> 01:23:29,253
Hell, I don't even like kids.
1764
01:23:29,254 --> 01:23:30,295
[CHUCKLING]
1765
01:23:30,296 --> 01:23:31,214
No offense.
1766
01:23:31,215 --> 01:23:32,215
Well, none taken.
1767
01:23:35,093 --> 01:23:36,385
[SIGH]
1768
01:23:36,386 --> 01:23:41,515
Look at us, a couple of
bachelors in our primes.
1769
01:23:41,516 --> 01:23:44,476
Dan, I want to tell you a story.
1770
01:23:47,689 --> 01:23:52,234
It's about a semi-retarded
boy with an odd handicap.
1771
01:23:52,235 --> 01:23:57,031
This boy was born with
his head up his ass.
1772
01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:59,158
Interesting.
1773
01:23:59,159 --> 01:24:01,660
Please continue.
1774
01:24:01,661 --> 01:24:04,246
So this boy...
1775
01:24:04,247 --> 01:24:07,791
Let's call him Raz Medulla.
1776
01:24:07,792 --> 01:24:11,378
He was forced to go through
life with his brains operating
1777
01:24:11,379 --> 01:24:14,256
from deep inside
his anal cavity.
1778
01:24:14,257 --> 01:24:17,926
Your story intrigues me.
1779
01:24:17,927 --> 01:24:23,348
So Raz Medulla was lucky
enough to find a wife.
1780
01:24:23,349 --> 01:24:27,853
However, one day,
Raz Medulla's wife
1781
01:24:27,854 --> 01:24:32,816
made a teensy, tiny
mistake and cheated on her.
1782
01:24:32,817 --> 01:24:35,319
Horse's ass of a husband.
1783
01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:37,279
Wow.
1784
01:24:37,280 --> 01:24:39,031
What happened next?
1785
01:24:39,032 --> 01:24:43,535
Well, Raz Medulla was
unable to forgive his wife,
1786
01:24:43,536 --> 01:24:48,874
even though he, himself,
did the very same thing.
1787
01:24:48,875 --> 01:24:53,504
In the end, Raz Medulla
divorced his wife,
1788
01:24:53,505 --> 01:24:56,215
and spent the
remainder of his years
1789
01:24:56,216 --> 01:24:58,592
trying to figure
out a way to remove
1790
01:24:58,593 --> 01:25:02,554
his head from his backside.
1791
01:25:02,555 --> 01:25:05,099
This story sounds familiar.
1792
01:25:05,100 --> 01:25:08,268
That's because it's your
story, you dumb bastard.
1793
01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:10,479
But you said the guy's
name was Raz Medulla.
1794
01:25:10,480 --> 01:25:12,272
That was just
for story purposes.
1795
01:25:15,193 --> 01:25:19,279
Look, everyone knows
how much you love Marcy.
1796
01:25:19,280 --> 01:25:21,782
Now why don't you go
home and tell her?
1797
01:25:21,783 --> 01:25:22,783
I can't.
1798
01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:30,374
It's too late.
1799
01:25:30,375 --> 01:25:32,751
Too late?
1800
01:25:32,752 --> 01:25:34,753
What's too late?
1801
01:25:34,754 --> 01:25:37,089
Let me tell you about too late.
1802
01:25:37,090 --> 01:25:38,423
That over there...
1803
01:25:38,424 --> 01:25:41,385
You are seriously as
hot as two 25-year-olds.
1804
01:25:41,386 --> 01:25:42,262
That's too late.
1805
01:25:42,263 --> 01:25:43,762
I'll never get back
with your mother
1806
01:25:43,763 --> 01:25:48,225
because it's too late for
me to say I love you now.
1807
01:25:48,226 --> 01:25:50,769
Oh, I see.
1808
01:25:50,770 --> 01:25:55,023
That whole story you told me,
that's that's your story also.
1809
01:25:55,024 --> 01:25:59,778
You don't want me to make
the same mistakes you did.
1810
01:25:59,779 --> 01:26:02,447
You secretly wish you could
get back together with mom.
1811
01:26:02,448 --> 01:26:04,158
Now I see.
1812
01:26:04,159 --> 01:26:06,785
You see dick.
1813
01:26:06,786 --> 01:26:08,912
I don't want to get
back with your mother.
1814
01:26:08,913 --> 01:26:10,247
You don't?
1815
01:26:10,248 --> 01:26:11,124
Hell, no.
1816
01:26:11,125 --> 01:26:12,416
Why would I want to do that?
1817
01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:16,295
I'm banging younger,
hotter chicks now.
1818
01:26:16,296 --> 01:26:20,716
Get back with your mother?
(CHUCKLING) That's a good one.
1819
01:26:20,717 --> 01:26:22,885
Get back with your mother.
1820
01:26:22,886 --> 01:26:25,012
Did you hear that?
1821
01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:27,181
God, I just can't even
wait to get you alone.
1822
01:26:27,182 --> 01:26:29,266
I'm going to do horrible
things to you that aren't
1823
01:26:29,267 --> 01:26:30,642
even legal in most states.
1824
01:26:30,643 --> 01:26:31,436
Oh, my goodness.
1825
01:26:31,437 --> 01:26:32,519
Oh, seriously.
1826
01:26:32,520 --> 01:26:34,104
We're going to
violate so many laws.
1827
01:26:34,105 --> 01:26:35,105
We are going...
1828
01:26:38,401 --> 01:26:40,402
Give me a call when you
get tired of this one.
1829
01:26:46,451 --> 01:26:48,660
I need to reevaluate
my friendship with him.
1830
01:26:55,001 --> 01:26:56,460
[BELL RINGING]
1831
01:26:56,461 --> 01:26:58,420
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1832
01:26:58,421 --> 01:27:06,421
(SINGING) Everyone I know,
They're all the same inside
1833
01:27:09,349 --> 01:27:11,308
of a different friend.
1834
01:27:15,772 --> 01:27:18,941
Life amounts to
nothing but a lot
1835
01:27:18,942 --> 01:27:26,942
of times, been trying to
figure it out before we die,
1836
01:27:27,617 --> 01:27:29,076
before we die.
1837
01:27:40,296 --> 01:27:43,465
Everywhere I...
1838
01:27:43,466 --> 01:27:44,967
Would you mind
waiting in the car?
1839
01:27:47,720 --> 01:27:49,221
[SLAPPING]
1840
01:27:49,222 --> 01:27:52,182
[DOOR OPENING]
1841
01:27:57,188 --> 01:27:59,648
(SINGING) Life
amounts to nothing,
1842
01:27:59,649 --> 01:28:07,489
but a lot of times, been trying
to figure it out before we die.
1843
01:28:07,490 --> 01:28:08,991
What the fuck?
1844
01:28:12,412 --> 01:28:13,578
Marcy.
1845
01:28:13,579 --> 01:28:14,871
Hi.
1846
01:28:14,872 --> 01:28:16,248
Welcome to my sanctuary.
1847
01:28:18,751 --> 01:28:20,127
Please, sit down.
1848
01:28:27,510 --> 01:28:28,719
I see you brought the papers.
1849
01:28:40,982 --> 01:28:43,692
You haven't signed them.
1850
01:28:43,693 --> 01:28:48,030
I was sort of hoping that
you would change your mind.
1851
01:28:53,453 --> 01:28:54,703
I think this is what's best.
1852
01:29:14,015 --> 01:29:15,015
Um...
1853
01:29:23,483 --> 01:29:25,901
Dan, I just want to say that,
I am so sorry for everything
1854
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:26,902
that...
- Shh.
1855
01:29:30,531 --> 01:29:33,617
Marcy, the reason I asked
you to come to Wings tonight
1856
01:29:33,618 --> 01:29:38,455
is because I realized I never
invited you here in the past.
1857
01:29:38,456 --> 01:29:41,708
There are a lot of things
I didn't share with you.
1858
01:29:41,709 --> 01:29:45,545
But I was afraid
to confide in you.
1859
01:29:45,546 --> 01:29:48,382
And as a result, you were
afraid to confide in me.
1860
01:29:48,383 --> 01:29:51,009
No, Dan, really,
it's all my fault. I...
1861
01:29:51,010 --> 01:29:55,389
[HEAVY BREATHING]
1862
01:29:58,768 --> 01:30:03,313
Marcy, you cheated on
me, and I cheated on you.
1863
01:30:06,442 --> 01:30:07,901
I'd say that makes
us about even.
1864
01:30:10,405 --> 01:30:13,782
I thought maybe we could
try this again, do it right
1865
01:30:13,783 --> 01:30:14,783
this time.
1866
01:30:17,578 --> 01:30:25,578
So Marcy, will you
marry me again?
1867
01:30:25,711 --> 01:30:26,962
Yes, of course, I will.
1868
01:30:39,350 --> 01:30:40,767
It's all right.
1869
01:30:40,768 --> 01:30:42,269
Be OK.
1870
01:30:42,270 --> 01:30:43,895
I love you.
1871
01:30:43,896 --> 01:30:46,523
I want you to come down
to Roscoe's right now.
1872
01:30:46,524 --> 01:30:48,316
Tell her I love her too.
1873
01:30:48,317 --> 01:30:49,526
My brother loves you too.
1874
01:30:54,323 --> 01:30:57,784
We got to go home right now.
1875
01:30:57,785 --> 01:31:00,620
No, we should wait
until our wedding night.
1876
01:31:00,621 --> 01:31:01,497
OK.
1877
01:31:01,498 --> 01:31:02,664
Really?
1878
01:31:02,665 --> 01:31:04,166
It'd be so much more special.
1879
01:31:04,167 --> 01:31:05,917
Don't you think?
1880
01:31:05,918 --> 01:31:07,252
Yeah.
1881
01:31:07,253 --> 01:31:11,173
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1882
01:31:27,398 --> 01:31:30,400
(SINGING) Baby,
what's your hurry?
1883
01:31:30,401 --> 01:31:33,403
I know you've been here before.
1884
01:31:33,404 --> 01:31:36,615
I see the smile on your face.
1885
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:39,826
You're having fun at the show.
1886
01:31:39,827 --> 01:31:42,078
I can tell you no lies.
1887
01:31:42,079 --> 01:31:43,079
Leave us.
1888
01:31:46,209 --> 01:31:54,209
But I... god, I hate you so much.
1889
01:31:59,096 --> 01:32:01,431
Miserable old bitch.
1890
01:32:01,432 --> 01:32:04,601
If anyone here
has any reason why
1891
01:32:04,602 --> 01:32:08,230
these two should not be
joined in holy matrimony,
1892
01:32:08,231 --> 01:32:09,231
speak now or...
1893
01:32:16,030 --> 01:32:19,533
Mack, they're
just fooling around.
1894
01:32:19,534 --> 01:32:21,159
Who's Mack?
1895
01:32:21,160 --> 01:32:21,994
Right.
1896
01:32:21,995 --> 01:32:25,330
Rabbi Greenberg,
please continue.
1897
01:32:25,331 --> 01:32:31,044
Oh, I can't believe our little
Dan is getting married again.
1898
01:32:31,045 --> 01:32:34,297
I can't believe my best friend
came out of the hottest pussy
1899
01:32:34,298 --> 01:32:37,425
I've ever eaten.
1900
01:32:37,426 --> 01:32:39,135
Oh.
1901
01:32:39,136 --> 01:32:40,804
You may kiss the bride.
1902
01:32:40,805 --> 01:32:43,515
Go, go.
1903
01:32:43,516 --> 01:32:47,394
[CHEERING]
1904
01:32:49,355 --> 01:32:50,314
Dumb bastard.
1905
01:32:50,315 --> 01:32:52,274
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1906
01:32:52,275 --> 01:32:54,234
(SINGING) I got this
crazy one holding on.
1907
01:32:54,235 --> 01:32:55,194
Oh, yeah.
1908
01:32:55,195 --> 01:32:57,153
You're everything
that I told you, baby.
1909
01:33:13,879 --> 01:33:14,797
Oh.
1910
01:33:14,797 --> 01:33:15,797
Oh.
1911
01:33:21,596 --> 01:33:22,637
Wait.
1912
01:33:22,638 --> 01:33:24,598
I don't think it's
physically possible for me
1913
01:33:24,599 --> 01:33:26,641
to wait any longer.
1914
01:33:26,642 --> 01:33:28,685
But you're going to have to.
1915
01:33:28,686 --> 01:33:29,978
What are you talking about?
1916
01:33:29,979 --> 01:33:32,856
It's sort of my
time of the month.
1917
01:33:32,857 --> 01:33:34,316
Are you serious?
1918
01:33:34,317 --> 01:33:36,318
Yeah.
1919
01:33:36,319 --> 01:33:38,028
I can't believe
we're not going to have
1920
01:33:38,029 --> 01:33:40,113
sex on both our wedding nights.
1921
01:33:40,114 --> 01:33:43,867
I mean, what are the
odds that you would be...
1922
01:33:43,868 --> 01:33:45,827
Dan, I'm just kidding.
1923
01:33:45,828 --> 01:33:47,662
Oh, you were going to get it.
1924
01:33:47,663 --> 01:33:49,581
Oh, you are really
going to get it now.
1925
01:33:54,587 --> 01:33:55,670
Wait, I have a surprise.
1926
01:33:59,675 --> 01:34:02,010
[HEAVY BREATHING]
1927
01:34:02,011 --> 01:34:03,428
[CHUCKLING]
1928
01:34:03,429 --> 01:34:04,512
I can do you one better.
1929
01:34:07,683 --> 01:34:08,683
Hi, Gil.
1930
01:34:12,229 --> 01:34:13,396
I love you.
1931
01:34:13,397 --> 01:34:14,397
I love you too.
1932
01:34:30,289 --> 01:34:33,750
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1933
01:34:47,682 --> 01:34:51,393
(SINGING) Want let you know
before it gets too late.
1934
01:34:51,394 --> 01:34:55,355
About a man murdered his
mother, blamed it on faith.
1935
01:34:55,356 --> 01:34:57,148
But before Loftus
left, his mother
1936
01:34:57,149 --> 01:34:59,442
did some real good crime.
1937
01:34:59,443 --> 01:35:03,488
The judge let him out
in two years time.
1938
01:35:03,489 --> 01:35:07,867
Four years of
schooling, one murderer.
1939
01:35:07,868 --> 01:35:13,873
Carry on your birthday, and
say your side of Mr. Wild Dan.
1940
01:35:13,874 --> 01:35:15,583
And now you need is a spotter.
1941
01:35:18,212 --> 01:35:19,587
All you need is a spotter.
1942
01:35:22,383 --> 01:35:23,383
Spotter.
1943
01:35:26,554 --> 01:35:27,554
Spotter.
1944
01:35:30,766 --> 01:35:35,478
Jamie Loftus killed
his mother because he
1945
01:35:35,479 --> 01:35:38,398
got jealous of her other lover.
1946
01:35:38,399 --> 01:35:40,692
And after that,
indeed, then a murder.
1947
01:35:40,693 --> 01:35:42,485
[YELLING]
1948
01:35:42,486 --> 01:35:46,573
He stole the family car, and
then drove it into a ditch.
1949
01:35:46,574 --> 01:35:50,577
Four years of
schooling, one murderer.
1950
01:35:50,578 --> 01:35:56,916
You carry on your birthday, and
say your side to Mr. Wild Dan.
1951
01:35:56,917 --> 01:35:58,710
And all you need is a spotter.
1952
01:36:01,714 --> 01:36:02,714
Spotter.
1953
01:36:05,760 --> 01:36:06,760
Spotter.
1954
01:36:09,638 --> 01:36:10,638
Spotter.
1955
01:36:16,812 --> 01:36:19,814
[LAUGHING]
1956
01:36:19,815 --> 01:36:23,777
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1957
01:37:01,148 --> 01:37:03,525
All right, whoever had
July 22, you are the winner.
1958
01:37:03,526 --> 01:37:04,318
Shit.
1959
01:37:04,319 --> 01:37:05,360
Oh, man.
1960
01:37:05,361 --> 01:37:08,279
I was gonna use that money to
get a massage in one of those...
1961
01:37:08,280 --> 01:37:09,447
What do you call it
when they flip you over
1962
01:37:09,448 --> 01:37:10,740
and they grab your joystick.
1963
01:37:10,741 --> 01:37:12,325
Oh, a happy ending.
1964
01:37:12,326 --> 01:37:13,618
Oh, thanks.
1965
01:37:13,619 --> 01:37:14,786
[PHONE RINGING]
1966
01:37:14,787 --> 01:37:16,830
I like happy endings.
123355
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