Original subtitles

Okay, I'm gonna ask you a series of questions,

and there are no right or wrong answers.

So when you think about the future,

how do you imagine it'll be?

Like, what will nature be like?

How will your city change?

Will families be the same?

What will stay with you, and what will you forget?

What scares you?

What makes you angry?

Do you feel lonely?

What makes you happy?

So we are goin' around the country,

goin' to different cities and interviewing kids,

ranging in age, um, just about their... their life

and what they think about the future.

If I ask you anything that you don't wanna answer,

or you don't like a question or whatever,

you can just be like, "no."

I want you to just feel comfortable,

and if there's anything that I ask you about

that you don't wanna talk about,

say "I don't really wanna talk about that."

I think adults always think they're the boss,

and they always gotta be the boss of everything.

And I think that some adults have that mindset

where "I'm right and you're wrong."

When you think about the future,

how do you imagine it'll be?

I...

I imagine and hope it'll be good.

And do you ever think,

like, what could adults have done

to have made sure that we went in the right path?

Definitely most of all, paid more attention

to, like, what's going on around them,

'cause I feel like that's a big problem

with, like, literally everything.

Like, that's a big, big thing.

They'll be like, "oh, you're from Detroit."

I was like, "yeah."

Like, "it's really dangerous there.

"The schools are really terrible"

"and, like, nothing's good there."

I was like, "well, how would you know?

"You don't live there,

"and you don't go to school there.

"You weren't raised in Detroit."

"Like, I've been raised in Detroit all my life."

America, uh, it's so much...

It's so much tragedy,

and some people aren't treated fairly,

because of race, because of who they like,

because of where they live,

because of how much money they have.

So I would want it to become a better place

and people to know

that just because someone isn't like you

doesn't mean that they're wrong,

but then I'm not sure.

We're at the point right now

where we have to change things,

and just based on our morals as people,

I don't really see that happening anytime soon.

So, you're... You're hopeful for the future?

Like, when you think about the future,

you think it'll be better or worse?

For me, personally,

I feel like things are gonna get better,

because I have a lot of opportunities right now.

I'm hopeful for myself,

for other people.

I don't know if things are gonna get better,

it's really on the side,

but I really hope things get better.

Um, but for the overall world,

once again I hope it gets better,

but it might not, like everything.

If you could have one superpower,

what would it be?

That's a hard question.

Um, that's one of the popular questions

that I ask people.

Some people say...

Detroit was the future.

So we came to...

We came to Detroit to talk to young people, kids.

You know, we came to Detroit to talk to kids, young people,

and to ask them

what they thought their lives would be like,

how it's changing for them,

what are they inspired by and excited by,

and what are their lives like now?

Hey.

Hey.

- Hi. - Hi.

It's nice that you called.

I didn't know if I was gonna call

or if you would...

If no one would...

It's a good day to talk.

Maybe mom's listening.

Yeah, maybe.

It doesn't feel like it's been a year to me.

Does it to you?

No, it's weird.

I didn't know what to do with myself today.

Yeah, I know. If I just, um, work,

then I feel like I'm not mourning

in the right way or whatever.

And if I sit in this depressing hotel room

and just think about mom,

then, yeah, it's just pretty brutal.

So, yeah, I called you.

Where are you?

Um, I'm in Detroit.

I've been, um, interviewing kids.

Uh, so that was cool.

- Cool. - Yeah.

Jesse heard you on the radio the other day.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, we were driving,

and there you were on the radio as usual,

and I had to tell him it was you.

- Really? - He's nine, you know?

He didn't recognize your voice,

it's been a year.

It's a long time for a kid.

Wow.

All right.

Yeah.

How's Jesse?

Uh, he's so good.

He's smart, and he's so weird.

He's older, and he's funny, and I don't know, he's...

He's... He's a whole little person.

Um, and Paul moved to Oakland.

He did?

Yeah.

Whoa, really?

Yeah, it's okay.

I... it's... I think so.

Jesse is dealing with it well so far,

but Paul's not.

- He is... - Hmm.

I mean, he... I'm just...

He's fine.

I just have to go up and help a little.

Help him settle in.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

So I'm heading up there soon, but we're good.

So you taking... You taking Jesse?

No.

No, I don't think it's that kind of trip.

So who's watching Jesse?

I haven't gotten there yet.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

Hey.

Say hi.

"Hi, how are you?"

How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm good.

Hmm.

Wanna ask uncle Johnny to come in?

You should ask me if I wanna come in.

Do you wanna come in?

- Thank you. - Okay.

I get a hug?

- Hi. - Hi.

We have, um, her dresses

um, all my homework stuff.

Hmm, cool.

Mom says you're gonna sleep up here tonight

in her extra-big, cozy bed, best bed in the house.

So there are these, um, big, big, big, big,

big, um, little like fungus tubes

or tubes that are fungus,

and they're connecting all the trees.

- So they're up here. - Mm-hmm.

And they'd be really tall.

They get all the food, and then you kinda,

like, go through the tubes into another tree.

And then, um, well, they...

They would, like, get all the food

and then it'll go through.

And so the tree needs...

So what's goin' on with Paul? How's he doin'?

Oh, I don't know.

I mean, he was offered this, you know, incredible position

at the San Francisco symphony,

which he totally deserves,

but the transition fucked him up.

- Mm-hmm. - Like transitions always do.

And... and then he got a fucking dog,

which he should not have gotten, so...

- No. No. - So, yeah. It's just...

It's... it's... It's a total mess as usual.

And you have to clean it up?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's Paul.

What about Jesse? What does he know?

Nothing. I said I was gonna help him get organized,

so we'll go together later.

He gonna be okay just with me?

Like, what...

He loves it when I'm not around.

He'll have so much fun.

Yeah?

It's really good to see you.

Hello?

Is anyone home?

- Hello? - Uh, are you ready for this?

God, what?

- Hello? - Brace yourself.

There's this, uh, little orphan

who likes to come visit me.

In fact, he will probably come visit you,

and he likes to pretend that, uh, I have some dead children,

and he asks me a lot of questions about what they did,

so he can do those same things.

- That's fucked up. - Yeah.

It's really... It's totally normal.

All the kids do this.

Is anyone home?

I'm coming.

- Hi. - Hi.

Is this the orphan?

Mm-hmm.

Can I sleep here tonight?

They only have bunk beds at the orphanage

and all the kids snore.

Hmm, of course you can.

Uh, actually, my son's not here tonight, so...

I could take his place if you want.

That's a good idea.

He usually goes to bed right now.

You know, this way, I happen to have a room

with a bed just your size.

You wanna check it out?

"Dorothy lived in the midst

"of the great Kansas prairies

"with uncle Henry, who was a farmer,"

"and aunt em, who was the farmer's wife."

She hugged me, and she felt different,

or I felt different,

and, yeah, Jesse maybe vaguely remembered me.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Da, da. Da, da, da, da.

He told me about trees communicating with each other

and how connected they were

by an underground network of fungus.

Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you.

Mmm.

Love you, love you, love you.

Oh, cozy. Okay, go back to sleep.

Good morning.

It's loud!

It's Saturday.

I get to be loud on Saturdays.

- Mom just left? - Uh-huh.

She said you might be a bit awkward.

What?

She said you might be a bit awkward.

But you'll get used to things.

Will you turn it down a little?

She left you some notes in the kitchen.

Is that a microphone

or is it a... in the headphones?

Huh?

Is it... is the mic in the headphones and...

Or is that the mic?

This is the mic,

and I'm just gonna get a quick little level.

Careful.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

So when you think about the future,

what do you imagine?

Um, I don't wan... I don't wanna.

You don't wanna imagine what the future's like?

I don't wanna do the questions.

- Uh-uh. - Oh, what's that?

- Um... - There's a screw there,

and there's loads of little buttons.

Well, that's the... That's the gain.

The gain?

Well, it's how you know how much...

Here, put these on.

Do you see this?

Here.

- Can you hear that? - I can...

- Yes. - Hear that.

Yeah. So this is what you adjust for an input volume.

Now it's super quiet.

So turn it all the way up,

you can feel that.

Having fun?

It all sounds amazing in here.

My dad would love this.

Johnny!

You need something?

My mom tells me stories.

It can be fiction or non-fiction.

Oh, boy, I don't know any stories.

Um...

Can we just talk and get to know each other?

Why did she stop talkin' to you?

Um, we talk.

No, you don't.

I mean, I don't know.

Did you used to talk a lot?

Yeah.

Johnny, where have you been?

- Hi. - You can help me.

Yeah, what do you need?

He's coming to get me.

Who's coming?

I have to get dressed.

My dad's taking me to the dmv.

My sweater was over there.

Help me up.

I'm gonna get my license.

I don't know why you give in

to those delusions like that.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

Are you fucking serious?

Easy, I got you.

Hurry.

Why wouldn't I entertain it?

Just let her have that. Why you...

What's going on?

My dad's coming to get me.

Mom, why don't you, um...

Why don't we wait for your dad lying down?

You just give in to her!

You always just give in to her!

- This is precisely... - Whatever she wants!

What you should give in to.

- What are you talking about? - It's not her, though.

It's not even her...

What is your problem?

You know what my problem is?

- Yeah, yeah. - It's that

for our entire lives, I am the only one

whoever challenged them.

Really? Really? For our entire lives?

Yes. Yes, really.

So easy for you.

They made me feel like I was a crazy person

again and again,

and you just went along with it.

You don't exactly make it easy to help you.

Well, maybe, but I needed your help.

Look, you're losing a mom who adored you.

She just did.

And I'm losing one who never understood me.

Okay, mom.

"'It is kind of you

"'to wear that, ' said boq.

"'Blue is the color of the munchkins,

"'and white is the witch color.

"'So we know you are a friendly witch.'

"Dorothy didn't know what to say.

"Dorothy did not know what to say to this,

"for all the people seemed to think her a witch,

- "and she knew..." - Why aren't you married?

Um, I was with...

I was with somebody for a long time, Louisa.

"And she knew very well

"she was only an ordinary little girl

"who had come by the chance of a cyclone

- "into a strange land." - Did you love her?

I still do.

Then why did you break up?

I don't know.

Um... "When she had tired watching the dancing",

"boq... Boq led her into the house,"

"where he gave her a room with a pretty bed in it."

I don't think it was my choice.

Mm, I think, um,

you love each other,

and then you still love each other,

but find it hard to express that love to each other,

and so then you look at each other,

and you do this.

And you go, "oh."

You... you know, I mean,

I hope you don't have the experience,

but you probably will.

It's all right, actually.

Um, "the sh..."

"Pretty bed in it.

"The sheets were made of blue cloth,"

"and Dorothy slept soundly..."

Okay, good night.

Um, so what happened...

Read him the wizard of oz,

kissed him on the head,

and said good night,

and he asked me why am I not married.

I didn't tell him that I wanna be,

that I miss Louisa.

I made it into a weird joke.

Why'd I do that?

Not so long ago,

in an arctic village far away,

there lived a polar bear family.

There was a papa polar bear, a mama polar bear,

and a baby polar bear,

and they all loved each other very much,

but something was not quite right.

Baby bear knew something was wrong.

He never said a word, but he worried all the time.

He worried about his papa.

You see, papa bear had a hard time

controlling his feelings

and sometimes he did things that upset,

and even scared mama and baby bear.

So should I call you like "papa"

or "dad" or just "Johnny"?

You can call me

whatever feels comfortable to you.

Uh, I... I don't know,

it's just I'm not used to being able to choose.

Maybe we can just take this process slowly

and... And see... see how it feels.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

And I'm just really sorry that your children died.

Um, you know, I don't think I can do that part.

Yeah, I... I told you that's how me and mom do it.

If it's... makes sense for your mom to do that,

that's cool, but it doesn't make sense for me

and that's what I was explaining to you.

Why it doesn't make sense for you? It's...

Because it's ridiculous.

- Is it... - It's sad.

The question is why do you wanna do it.

You are just terrible at this.

Oh, man, I'm tryin'.

Let... let me ask you a question.

Why does everything have to be like this kind of weird,

- eccentric thing that you do? - 'Cause I like it.

Yeah, but why not just

- do something normal? - What's normal?

Like everything in your real life...

What's normal?

Okay, fine. Good point.

The only thing that I do have

is that I know what I'm saying.

I'm in a home where people care about me

and I have friends that care about me and...

That's the total randomness.

Like there was nothing.

It was like a triangle one on this one

and a square on this one,

and half of the block would be a triangle,

and the other half would be a word,

and they'll be like, "can you figure it out?"

It looked very similar to this floor here.

Hi.

Hey, what's... what's going on?

Oh, it's really bad.

He really needs to go somewhere for help

and he's not letting me, uh, get him there.

I'm sleeping, I'm going to work,

- I have... - Are you sleeping?

I am sleeping!

How many hours do you usually...

Does that matter?

I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping!

You know, he's totally fucking paranoid.

Just the second I bring it up...

Yeah, you know, I just tried to put some things in a bag

and he totally fucking lost his mind.

And you took all these clothes

if I'm gonna be there for a month or two months

- or whatever. - No, no, no, we don't...

We don't have to. No, no, no.

Because I want all my things there.

I know that I can get him to check himself in,

but I've just... I've gotta lay off

and just slow down.

So can you stay with Jesse for me

for another couple of days?

I called Jesse's school and put you on the list,

and you can... you can just bring him to school

and pick him up.

Can you do that?

Yeah, I can.

Um...

Oh, thank you.

But, uh, viv, you know,

I'm supposed to do these, um, interviews on Friday

back in New York, um, but I'll figure it out.

You will? You can... You can do that?

Yeah, don't... I'll figure somethin' out.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And listen, you just don't say anything to him, okay?

Yeah, okay.

I think our first one

is maybe 9:00 on Saturday. Will you be back for that?

Yeah, definitely.

Cool.

Is that something where I'll see you before that

or should I send you the pre-interview notes.

Fernando gave us for like the plane?

Um... yeah, I'll be there,

but, um, yeah, just send it,

just... just so I have it and I'll look at it,

but, no, I'll be in, um, Friday.

Well, I don't know, I haven't figured out a ticket yet,

- but, um... - Okay.

I'll figure somethin' out.

And how's... How's like vivs and stuff?

Good.

- Yeah? - Good. Yeah.

Yeah, it's, um, I mean, you know,

we're just working out,

but, um, this kid is fucking great.

Yeah?

He's got...

He's got the gear on and he's, uh...

Oh, have you been showing him like audio recording stuff?

Have you been to New York?

No.

Never been to New York?

Never ever been to New York.

You don't think all the, like, sunshine and sand,

and bodies is kinda boring?

No.

Oh, man.

You know, you should come with me.

What?

Yeah, come with me to New York.

Like... like, right now?

Well, not right now, but, yeah,

I have to go this weekend

to do interviews and stuff, and you can help me.

You know, record sound

and maybe I can,

like, weave that into the show.

I think it'd be fun.

I'd love that.

Hi!

Come here.

Paul?

Paul?

Uh, so Paul is gone.

Paul?

Uh, he doesn't answer his phone,

I don't know where he went.

Uh, does he even want help?

I feel like he just...

He just wants you back taking care of him.

Oh, god. Oh, please, don't... don't start.

I can't do this with you right now.

Just hear me out for a second. I know you're stressed out,

but just hear me out for a second.

What if Jesse came with me to New York?

He said that he wanted to and I think that, um...

What do mean, he said he wanted to?

You already asked him?

No, we talked about New York...

Oh, god, you already asked him.

And he said he'd never been there.

Calm down.

Johnny, you don't ask a nine-year-old kid

if they want go to New York before you ask their mother!

Viv, I wanna help, I wanna help.

- Jesus Christ! - Listen to me.

I'm tryin' to help you and this is a way that I can help.

Well, that's not helpful.

Uh...

I'll call somebody else.

I'll figure it out.

And I sat on the wall

waiting for him to come out of school,

and then I heard all the kids coming out of school,

running down the steps, talking loud,

and then he came down.

And then, this stupid little voice

with this cute little fucking hair and face,

he was like, "did you talk to mom?"

I said, "yeah."

"Well, what did she say?"

"She loves you very much."

'Cause I couldn't tell him.

Hey.

So listen, can you find somebody in New York

to watch him when you're working?

Is that a realistic plan that you could make happen?

Yes.

- Yeah? - Yes.

Who would that person be?

I'll find someone.

I'll figure it out, I promise.

Okay. Okay.

I called Jesse's teacher,

and said there's a family emergency,

and I'll be out for about a week.

I'll send you his assignments.

Don't worry.

Okay, okay.

- Okay. - Okay.

"Motherhood is the place in our culture

"where we lodge, or rather Bury,

"the reality of our own conflicts,

"of what it means to be fully human.

"It is the ultimate scapegoat for our personal

"and political failings,

"for everything that is wrong with the world,

"which it becomes the task, unrealizable of course,"

"of mothers to repair."

"What are we doin' to mothers when we expect them

"to carry the burden of everything

"that is hardest to contemplate about our society

"and ourselves.

"Mothers cannot help, but be in touch

"with the most difficult aspects"

"of any fully-lived life."

"Why on earth should it fall to them"

"to paint things bright, and innocent, and safe."

It's gonna rock you dead,

come upside your head. You get ready?

You said, here we go. Yay, all right, come on.

Come on. Come on, let's go.

Yeah.

All right, everybody, get down on your basement.

Get ready, yeah, okay.

♪ Hey, put your hands up

♪ upside your knees

- ♪ now do the ostrich - chorus: ♪ do the ostrich

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ do the ostrich

♪ hey, take this forward and step on your head

♪ and do the ostrich

- ♪ do the ostrich - ♪ all right

♪ do the ostrich

♪ here, we go, oh, whoa!

- ♪ Whoa - ♪ whoa

- ♪ whoa - ♪ whoa

- ♪ whoa - ♪ all right

♪ do the ostrich

♪ you take a step forward then you turn to the right

- ♪ and do the ostrich. - ♪ do the ostrich

♪ oh, oh, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah

♪ do the ostrich

♪ you turn to left

♪ and then you feet upside your left

- ♪ and do the ostrich. - ♪ do the ostrich

- ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh. - ♪ do the ostrich

♪ now, you go, whoa... ♪

It's so long.

Do you like it here?

What?

Do you like it here in New York?

Yeah.

What do you like better?

Recording here or at the beach?

Here.

But I like the... I like the skaters.

You like the skaters?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, what I love about recording?

What I love about recording?

You can hear me?

- Yep. - Oh, whatever, I'm so...

- No, no, no, no! - No, no.

- No, just... - Oh, okay, okay.

And in a way it's cool,

because you get to keep these sounds, right?

You keep it forever.

You make like this mundane thing,

like be immortal, and that's cool and fun.

- Look here. - Hey.

- Hey. - What's up, man?

- Hey, what's up? - Hello.

- Nice to meet you. - This is Jesse.

- Jesse. - Jesse, this is fern.

- Fernando Thomas. - Hello.

This is the sweetest man in New York.

He's gonna help take care of you while I'm workin'.

Also notice how Johnny just like lights up?

I know.

He is like a... Like a mini Johnny.

Right.

With the... with the...

- With the little hoods... - Yeah, the little hoods.

And the flopsy hair.

What? Yeah.

- Just hangin' out. - Uh-huh.

- Mm-hmm. - You know, we're gonna

hold off till we eat more.

We're gonna hold off till we eat more.

I'm sorry.

We're gonna hold off till we eat more.

- It's right here. - Mm-hmm.

So if you eat this, 'cause it's melting,

if you eat this as quick as you can,

not too fast, but just get so many... a few more bites

and you can have the ice cream.

Go for it. You did it.

- Enough. Enough. - Mm.

Craziest thing you've seen on the Internet.

- Okay. - Go.

So I... I like conspiracies.

Perfect.

- Great. - Tell us...

Uh, let's eat... Just a little bit of broccoli

- and then talk about... - Yeah.

- I love conspiracies. - Okay, a little bit

of broccoli and then we can talk? Uh-huh.

Yeah, and talk... then ou can talk about conspiracies.

Yeah, the government got, like, a colony of ants.

This is how I think it happened.

- Okay. - And like in the rock

and they place it inside a dead person.

- Okay. - And they made him alive

and he has a plan... Planets of ants inside of him.

- Oh, ants... - Oh, this is scary stuff.

- Fern. - Do, um...

- Fern. - Uh, I know one.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Oh, I'll show you scp.

- Yeah. - No screen time.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do scp 1.

Not screen time right now, come on.

One of them, it was a big thing that they found

in like a forest

and they took the face off of it.

Wait, like...

And injected it with a bunch of injections

- to make it powerful. - Whoa.

It was meant to be like a government weapon...

They were gonna use.

Do you... Do all your friends act like you?

And that would be a big no.

Johnny.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What up, sunny spa e Broadway?

I don't know what that says.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Whoa! - Come on. Hey.

- Hey, what's goin' on? - Oh.

Made it back.

And I was tired.

So tired,

but he wasn't.

So do you have your toothbrush,

- 'cause I don't see it. - No.

Come on, I... I told you to pack it.

What? You didn't bring it?

Um, I didn't.

Do you have trouble expressing your emotion?

Well, I'm feeling pretty frustrated right now.

That's good.

Just sit down, you can let it all come out.

Hey, you okay?

My friends don't talk like me, because...

I don't really have friends.

I mostly hang out with adults.

No, Jesse, no. Back to bed.

I did? I don't... I don't remember saying that.

I took him to the couch, I laid him down,

and I sat with him till he was asleep.

I got up and slowly started walking back to my room.

Can't I just sleep with you tonight?

Oh, why did you let me eat all that sugar?

Mom would not let me eat that.

Oh, my god, you said that she would let you.

Can you tell me about mom when she was a little girl?

I said, "she was cute."

He said...

I heard about her boyfriends,

and she ran away, and she got in trouble

all the time.

And I heard that she got an abortion.

What the fuck do I say to that?

I didn't even know about it.

You know, a woman's body is, um,

like a... Um, maybe every person.

Like you have the right...

Of your own body

and a woman certainly has the right.

It's like... it's called "the right to choose".

Okay, now fuck that. Um...

Let me tell you how my mom puts me to sleep.

Now, lay down.

Okay.

Rest your feet, rest your legs.

Rest your hands, rest your arms.

My mom would never do this.

Rest your eyes.

Rest your mouth.

Rest your jaw.

Rest your mind.

No more thoughts tonight.

No worries.

Just stars in the sky.

So what? Does he have something that it...

Is it a sleeping problem?

Listen, he's probably

just over stimulated. Did you give him sugar?

Did you let him watch shit on your computer?

No.

'Cause that makes him crazy.

You're just, uh, used to this.

Like, why are there so many scratches?

I'm not used to it.

I fucking hate it sometimes.

I mean, I love him more than I...

I can even understand

and that makes it even worse when I can

barely stand to be in the same room with him,

going on and on, talking, talking...

Another stick.

Relentlessly about nothing random nothingness,

interrupting every thought I might have...

- Kick, kick, kick, kick. - Oh, god, and I know.

From making him lunch and doing the dishes,

from making lunch and then doing the dishes,

from making dinner and then doing the dishes,

from lunch, and then going grocery shopping,

on, and on, and on, and on, he never stops.

Bees!

It's a fucking nightmare.

Yeah.

Slow down!

Do you think I'm horrible now?

No, no, I have so much sympathy.

Listen, you just have to get some protein into him, okay?

You know, those disgusting little, uh, rolls,

the salami and cheese things, just... he loves them.

Where are we going now?

I have to find you

some disgusting salami and cheese rolls.

Historically, New York represents the future

and possibility for so many immigrants.

We ask today's children of immigrants

what they think about the future

and the world they live in now.

I never thought that I would be this scared

about like what might happen in the future,

but then now,

I'm starting to think about it,

like, I can't... I can't...

I just can't imagine animals going extinct,

pollution, like, the earth dying, basically.

So my fears would be like loneliness

and, like, you know,

just like people not understanding you

even though they're there to understand you

and stuff like that.

It's just really scary,

'cause it feels like you have nobody.

My mom always tells me like,

"I hate kids that cry."

There was one time I told her, "oh, my gosh, I can...

"Like, I could cry, uh,

"like, it's like a human thing to do," and then she's like,

"no, you're supposed to be, uh, strong and stuff."

So, yeah, I think that's what I hate the most.

When people end up saying,

"oh, words don't hurt,"

it... like it gets to me so bad.

People will just judge you without even knowing.

It's like not even their fault that they don't know.

They probably just wasn't raised like I am

knowing how to treat people, how not to treat people.

I don't like when everyone's

just in a stressed mindset

and they're very closed into themselves.

They just don't speak to each other

and they're just like kind of hiding away

from like real life.

I feel like people

who try to express their emotions,

like they... They would get a lot of hate.

It happened like more in the 20th century.

So instead of letting them be them,

they wanted to oppose them in like bad horrible ways.

But I feel like now you could speak your feelings easier,

but not easily.

Oh, sorry.

Texting. Texting.

- Ha, ha, ha. - I am Tex...

Oh, what... what are you doing?

Uh, hey, who are you mimicking here

with that fancy texting you're doing?

You're doing fancy texting.

But I'm actually texting something.

- No, you're not. - Uh, here.

Health and beauty.

Oh, here it is.

All right, grab one of those and I'll find toothpaste.

For some reason, they're not in the same aisle.

♪ I am a toothbrush

mm-mm, not... not that one.

That'll flip your mom out.

♪ I am your toothbrush ♪

You can't get that one.

Come on, find which one you want.

Oh, she's not here, so...

Well, she's right.

- So... - Can I please have it?

Oh, come on, you... You don't need a song...

- Please. - To brush your teeth to.

The next thing you know, you're gonna need

electronic stimuli for everything you do.

You know, it's important to just live in it, you know?

Peace and quiet.

Your generation is completely lost.

Mm...

Jesse?

Hey, did you see a little kid running around here?

- Did you see a kid here? - No.

Jesse!

Jesse!

What are you doin'?

You should see your face.

Hey, you can't do that, you understand?

You can't do that to somebody.

You're freakin' out.

- Stop it. - Stop it.

- You stop it. - You stop it.

- Stop! - Stop!

- Enough! - Enough!

- You stop now! - Get off!

Sorry, it's so ridiculous.

Do you know I just... I just said, you know,

"you can't have that toothbrush,"

and I went around the corner

for a second to grab toothpaste,

and then he disappeared.

So I'm runnin' after him, tryin' to find him,

and he jumps out, scares me,

and, yeah, I... I got angry and I yelled at him.

I yelled at him.

That's... it's...

It's... it's fucking awful.

I've done it.

I know that look in those little eyes,

it's the worst.

But it's okay also.

You know, you just have to explain to him

that you were scared, and that's why you yelled,

and then you apologize, you know?

He's... he's a person, you just be honest with him.

It's called "doing a repair."

There's... There's scripts for it online.

Okay, sounds...

- Let me... let me... - Sounds easy.

- This is not... - Okay.

This is not easy.

No, I know. I know, it's not.

Um, yeah.

- Let me talk to him and... - Okay.

Now, I'll yell at him.

All right, thank you for talking me down.

Now, hold on.

Hey, Jesse, it's your mom.

- Hello. - Hi, sweetie.

Hi. Are you okay?

I'm okay.

I was just jokin' around, he didn't need to call you.

I know. I know you were,

but you really scared him, Jesse, okay?

You can't do that.

Mom, why are you taking his side?

I'm not on his side. Sweetie, there are no sides,

but you have to listen to Johnny, okay?

You're staying at his house, he's taking care of you.

Why?

Why is he taking care of me?

Sweetie, come on.

Just be nice to Johnny.

♪ I am a toothbrush

♪ my name is funky brush ♪

I don't even know you.

Why my mom let me come with you?

Hey, man, come on.

Jesse, you wanted to come.

I didn't really have a choice.

She's a horrible, horrible mom.

I know you don't really feel that way.

My feelings are inside me.

You don't know what they are.

I think you're mad at me,

because I scared you and...

No, she just does what she wants.

No, that's not true, Jesse.

You don't know what you're talkin' about. She does!

Well, why do you think you're here?

Do you think that your mom

really wants to be away from you?

Really?

She's tryin' to help your dad.

Well, why does he need help?

He, um...

What's wrong with him?

He just... he...

Do you wanna call her?

I want my mom.

Hey, I'm so sorry.

Hey, hey, Jesse.

Jesse.

I thought I was helping,

and somehow it got away from me.

I don't know even how.

What... what does he know? Did... did he know?

Does he know everything?

Yeah, he knows.

Um, let me talk to him.

Hey, Jesse.

Just tell her I'm fine.

Come on, just talk to her.

She's impossible.

Hey, hey, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Viv, you're... You're on speaker.

Jesse, honey, listen to me,

your dad's gonna be fine.

Okay?

Is it like before?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like before,

but he's gonna be fine, okay?

And I didn't wanna worry you, but I messed up, okay?

I should have told you, I'm sorry.

Tell her I'm fine.

Um...

Viv, I'm so sorry, uh...

It's fine, it's fine.

Um, just tell him I love him and I miss him, okay?

Okay.

I'm gonna go get him.

Is your child like, you know,

fighting about washing his hair,

'cause I could do that anytime.

You don't wanna talk?

Mm, I am talking.

Are you gonna be like normal?

I am talking, like, you know, normal.

Okay.

We have to wash our own hair at the orphanage.

- Ooh, that's harsh. - It is.

Hmm, sorry about that.

It is harsh.

Not even as a punishment, just,

"wash your hair, you dumb kids."

Yeah.

What an awful place.

Yeah.

Okay.

Do you want to fight about washing your hair

and then I'll wash your hair?

All right, I think we have to wash your hair, young man.

Why don't you wash your hair, old man?

Well, you first.

No, you first.

I'm telling you right now,

you're gonna have to wash your hair.

I'm telling you right now

you're gonna wash your hair, old man.

Nice. Is that how I sound?

- Yeah. - Ugh.

You're like old Johnny, Johnny.

I'm Johnny.

Yeah, well, that's the way to wash your hair, old man.

"The tin woodman

"gave a sigh of satisfaction and lowered his ax.

"'This is a great comfort, ' he said.

"'I have been holding that ax in the air ever since I rusted

"'and I'm glad to put it down at last.

"'Now, if you will oil the joints of my legs,

"'i shall be all right once more.'

"so they oiled his legs

"until he could move them freely,"

"and he thanked them again and again for his release."

Are you guys still there?

Keep reading, mama.

Okay.

"'I might have stood there always

"'if you had not come along, ' he said.

"'How did you happen to be here?'

"'we are on our way to the emerald city"

"'to see the great oz, ' she answered."

So does he just like walk in to a room

and pretend to be an orphan?

There's different scenarios.

- Okay. - It's... it's... listen...

Okay.

You don't wanna get into that, I promise you.

Okay. All right, I'll leave that between you.

I'm trying like to figure out how to talk to him

and so I'll try to play along...

- Yeah. - In an indirect way

and like, this is ridiculous. He wants to say something.

I have to be open and so I say,

"hey, man, I know

- "you wanna talk about something?" - Yeah.

And... yeah, and I look at him like this,

- like real earnest. - Yeah, sincere.

And then, he just is like dismissive,

and makes me feel stupid, and then I feel crushed...

And... and...

And... I know it's funny now,

but when it happens, it's... it's frustrating.

Yeah.

He seems like he's doing good.

He is, but he should be holding the mic

if he wants to get that, you hold the mic up.

No, he's gotta find his own way!

- Yes. - That's how we all did.

Let's say somebody your age

that was coming from another...

- Another country... - Yeah.

What would you tell them about the us?

You come here and you'll see a lot of bad,

but it's beautiful.

Even though there could be like problems here and there, you know,

you see all these good people who just have kind hearts

and, you know, and they don't even know you.

There's been a lot of issues with my dad.

He's in jail right now,

so everything is, like, crazy, you know?

My little sister, she didn't, like, really see

what was actually going on.

The stuff that I went through, I don't want her

to know any of that or just be,

like, have to think about that.

You have a lot of responsibilities in your life,

and sometimes they just come to you,

and you can't really do anything about them.

They're just there.

I feel like a responsibility

to like that I'm proud to take,

because I love her a lot,

and basically, it wouldn't matter to me

if she sees me as a father or a brother.

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

You're a good man.

How... how often do you... Do you get to visit your dad?

Always.

Yeah, I feel like that's one of my like motivations

to just think about the future.

Everything that could happen...

"I ask for trust, cooperation, and permission

"without knowing where the experience

"will lead the subject.

"I can and will leave a place, a situation, a problem,

"but the people I interview cannot.

"The work offers the interviewer

"access and a reason

"to stay in a world that's not my own,

"complete distraction from my own life,

"a sense of invincibility, a sense of invisibility.

"I traffic in hope

"without the ability to know

"what will happen in the future."

"The work offers the subjects a chance to speak

"of things they have never spoken of,

"a chance to see themselves as subjects

"worthy of time and attention."

"The work offers the subjects

"the creation of an image of self,

"the distribution of which they cannot control"

"on a global scale, in perpetuity."

You know, there's, like,

a lot of Chinese people actually,

so it's not, like, hard to communicate.

Sometimes in other places, I'm actually...

You let Johnny interview you yet?

Oh, god, no.

That seems like a smart move.

Too many questions with that guy, right?

Not enough answers.

Oh, I miss you so much, babe.

I miss you, too, mama.

Excuse me, please.

Thank you.

We've been goin' around the country asking kids

what they think the future would be like.

Uh-huh.

Um...

If there's anything you don't wanna answer,

you can just say "skip" or "no,"

or "I do not want to do this question".

Okay.

Why don't you and my mom act like brother and sister?

- This one? - Yep.

Why are you alone?

I mean, who cares? Blah, blah, blah.

The same...

Yeah, exactly, who cares?

Did you tell my mom to leave my dad when he first got sick?

Did you?

I told her to take care of herself.

Blah, blah, blah.

No, it's not blah, blah, blah.

- It is. - No, it's not.

It is.

Okay...

- Means you did it. - There were many things

that were done, and everybody said a lot of things,

and there was a lot of concern,

and sometimes we don't completely understand

why we're doing the things that we're doing, right?

But I never did anything

because I wanted to hurt your mom

or hurt your dad or hurt you.

I only wanted everything to be okay.

Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hmm.

Maybe... maybe it is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Exactly.

Coming from somewhere unknown,

he's as tall as a small person!

Jesse the man!

Watch it, man.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Have to do my expression, too.

You can't just jump right into it, okay?

- Go back. - Do your introduction.

All right!

It will destroy you!

That's how you do it.

Then, he just said, "pack my bag, get my stuff,

"take me to the hospital."

"If you don't, I'm just gonna run away again, right?"

Which is true.

So I took him to the er,

which was fucking awful.

Absolutely, Paul.

The milligrams have to be specific...

We'll make sure that they are.

Because Dr. Marklin said that,

and he worked on it for three months,

and it was still going back and forth.

Well, I'm not Dr. Marklin, i'm...

I mean, you can't believe it, Johnny,

it's so humiliating.

They just asked him the same questions

over and over, and over again.

I have been eating

and I have been sleeping the regular amount

that I usually eat and sleep.

You ask me a question, I answer it,

and then all of a sudden you ask her.

Like, just why don't you ask her

the goddamn question.

And then we finally got him into a real center.

I've done this before, I know it all.

Yeah, no shoelaces, you're right.

He was so scared.

I'm gonna have you sign off

that you're gonna be taking those things home.

- Okay, sure, right here? - Yeah.

And then when I was leaving, he asked me in the sweetest...

In the sweetest way if I could just stay

until he was a little better.

That's what he said, "just a little better."

Oh, I'm so sorry.

And I want Jesse to have his dad, you know?

I mean, what the fuck can I do?

I've gotta...

Yeah, you gotta stay with him.

Really, viv, we're doin' okay.

You just take care of what you need to.

Jesse can keep staying here with me.

We're havin' a great time.

I found someone in New Orleans

who can get us kids and I think we should do it.

Okay, I know,

but I got Jesse and I just don't know

if I can make that, um, trip right now.

Uh, I don't wanna go solo.

No, it's sort of like

we told, like, audiences, and funders...

- Johnny! - And everybody that we...

- Johnny! - Were gonna go

- to multiple cities. - Johnny.

- Johnny, let's go to the park. - I think we have to do it.

- Stop, stop. Please. - Johnny.

- Stop. - Unfortunately...

- Get off your phone. - Yeah, what?

Are...

Are you... are you with Jesse?

- How's it going? - Yeah, yeah, fine.

So what... Where we at with things?

I think New Orleans is a good idea.

I know someone down there.

She can get us kids.

We just need to tell them we wanna do that

and then we can have fern,

like, start booking everything for us.

I know, but a lot...

Jesse?

Can you hear me?

Hold on a second.

Just, like, give me a sec.

You were jazzed about the idea like two days ago.

- Jesse? - You were like we just need

to get you back to that spot.

This is not a great time.

- Yeah, yeah. - I, uh...

Listen, let me, um...

Let me call you back, okay? I'll call you back.

Okay, okay.

Jesse?

Jesse.

Fuck. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Jesse?

Jesse!

Wait, wait! Jesse.

Where'd you go?

- I was right there! - No, you weren't!

I was on the phone, I turned around one second

and you were gone!

Hey, listen, you can't do that,

- you understand? - You lost me!

- I didn't lose you. - You did.

I lost you? Okay, okay, I lost you.

I'm the worst uncle in the world!

What... what are you doin'?

You, uh... hey, come here!

What are we doin' here, huh?

I don't know.

That could have been really, really bad.

I don't need you.

You so need me.

He can feel how fucked up things are right now, okay?

So in his... in his little inarticulate kid way,

he's saying, "I'm feeling out of control right now."

"Can you handle it?

"Can you take care of me feeling this way?

"If I run away from you, if I hide from you,"

"even if I jump on this bus, am I gonna be okay?"

Oh, I'm just, like, in this fucking fantasy

that you know, I got everything under control

and, uh, you know, I'll... I'll be there,

I'll figure it out, I'll get you snacks,

and I'll pack your bags,

and we'll go off, I'm thinking of goin',

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

Yeah.

Yeah, welcome to my fucking life.

I... nobody knows what they're doing.

Nobody knows what they're doing with these kids.

You just have to keep doing it.

I ran up and down the street calling out his name.

I saw him from across the street

as a bus passed in front of me.

I ran towards him,

screaming out his name, "Jesse."

He was mad at me, he was scared.

He turned, and he walked away, and got onto a bus.

I don't like feeling this, but I feel like he's spoiled,

or I am.

I can't believe you're doing this.

I know, but I can't take care of you right now.

- You can. - No, but as soon

as I get done with work, I'll come out to la and...

And we'll do whatever you want.

All right? How do you like that?

My stomach hurts.

I'm sorry.

I need to poop.

- You do? - Right now.

- Really? - I need to poop.

You can't... you can't hold it.

I can't hold my poop.

Okay. Um, excuse me, sir, could you please pull over

at a gas station or diner?

- Okay. - Thank you.

Okay, just hold on.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Here.

Hey, is there a bathroom he can use?

- Down over there. - Thank you.

Okay, hold it, just hold, hold on.

- You okay? - No.

Okay, well, hurry up,

'cause we got... We gotta go to the airport.

- No. - What?

Are you going poop?

No.

Do you even have to go to the bathroom?

- Huh? - No.

You got me. You got me.

You got me. You... shit.

All right, fun time's over, let's go.

- Time to come out. - No!

Jesse, come out right now.

- No! - Jesse, come out right now!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I hid, I'm sorry I ran onto the bus,

I'm sorry, Johnny, I am sorry!

I heard you talking on the phone.

You can't take care of me.

I don't wanna go home.

My mom is just gonna be sad about my dad

and my dad's not even there.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, just, um...

I'll be right back, stay in there.

♪ Anyone

♪ anyone

♪ anyone

♪ anyone

♪ you can blame me

♪ try to shame me

♪ and still I'll care for you

♪ you can run around

♪ even put me down

♪ still I'll be there for you... ♪

New Orleans is like... is very different.

You don't see it anywhere else

and, like, sometimes I understand

why people wanna come here,

because it's like so beautiful and just so different

to where it's, like,

sometimes we need something different in our lives.

I feel like people are sometimes being selfish

when they come here, so they're like,

"oh, I wanna go see something different,"

but you're not takin' in consideration

about where you are.

If they keep it up,

like buildin' airbnbs and everything,

all of it is gonna be gone.

There is not gonna be a New Orleans,

but I also think that, like, we, as people

and who live in New Orleans, make it New Orleans.

Yes.

- Hey, how are you? - I'm good.

This is Jesse.

Nice meeting you, Jesse. I'm sunni.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Thank you for having us. - Absolutely.

- Come on in, come on in. - I'm excited.

- Hi, I'm fern. - Hey, how are you?

Hey, fern. Nice meeting you.

Through this way in the kitchen here,

and then there are two rooms back here.

So Johnny and Jesse, I figure, you can be here.

There's a bathroom...

She mentioned that she doesn't think

that humans are innately violent, which I thought

- was really interesting. - Mm-hmm.

Um, and she said she thinks the violence

- took place a long time ago. - Mm-hmm.

And has just been passed down.

- Passed down? - Yeah.

- She did speak about it. - And then she said that, um,

it's in people's genetic makeup.

But we have the power...

- There you go. - To override that.

- Yeah. - Which I was like...

- Yeah. - Wow!

I'm like, "what pdfs are you reading?"

What?

Yeah, can you believe...

So my fears would be like loneliness

and like people not understanding you

even though, they're there to understand you

and stuff like that.

It's just really scary,

'cause it feels like you have nobody.

All right, listen, it's lesson time.

"So first, as the adult,"

"take time for the sad, mad,

"or scared feelings to work their way through.

"How this happens will depend on your personality.

"Calmly invite your child to hear you out.

"You can try, 'hey, I made a mistake

"'and I would like to talk to you about that."

"'May I come in?'"

sure.

"Try to..."

"Try... try something like,"

"'did you feel hurt that I was gonna send you home?'"

yeah, I did.

Yeah.

Uh, then I say...

"I feel badly about how I behaved."

"Are you feeling mad at me?

"It's okay if you are"

"and I'd like to hear whatever you're feeling and thinking."

Mmm...

I thought that you were being a pain in the ass.

Yeah.

Then, "I..."

"I am feeling very..." Use a feeling word.

Shitty, stupid, totally out of touch,

and also, um, sad.

Sorry, I shouldn't.

"Then, from the bottom of your heart,"

"look your child in the eye and say you're sorry."

Oh, come on.

Say it.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Your mom does all this?

Yeah, but she doesn't have to read it

from a stupid phone.

Now, no more phone time for you.

No more... no more screen time.

Can I sleep with you?

- Hmm? - Can I sleep with you?

Yeah. Hmm.

Can I be an orphan?

Mm-hmm.

You okay?

I just want to be the orphan.

Okay.

Is there anything about my past

you'd like to ask me?

What was your mom like?

She was nice.

Hmm, yeah.

Do you remember her?

Yeah.

She always took baths,

but she'd have like she never got to take 'em,

but she always took them.

When she'd get home from work, she cleaned up the kitchen,

all bangy and loud.

Then I'd say, "why are you being so loud?"

"Are you mad?"

Then she'd say, "I'm not being loud."

She wrote books, fiction and non-fiction.

♪ When you skip-to-my-Lou

♪ my darlin'

she's always singing old songs

from when she was a kid.

♪ I'm gonna get ya

♪ I bet you a bottom dollar you were best under pressure

♪ yo, Sandy I wanna like taste you

♪ get your, get your lips wet 'cause it's time to have pep

♪ on yourmark, get set, go let me go, let me shoop ♪

And in that place, you have...

She thought about weird things, like ghosts

and incarnation, all that stuff.

She'd loved it here.

She taught her classes.

When she was stressed out,

she would just cook herself a big steak

and just eat it.

She loved hanging out with her friends.

She says even though we love each other,

she'll never know everything about me

and I'll never know everything about her.

It's just the way it is.

Stop.

- Um... - You're weird.

Okay, yeah. Time to screen time as much

- screen time as he wants. - Okay.

He can watch anything he wants.

All the screen time he wants. Here, here, here, here.

R-Rated, anything, anything he wants.

You know, here's your screen time.

- Yeah, give it to him. - Here's your screen time.

You have to mak sure your eyelids stay open.

Get as much screen time as possible.

If he cries or anything, no screen time, all right?

- All right. - Yeah.

Okay, that was it, that was your screen time.

- Nice. - Yeah.

Do you feel screenful?

I feel screenful.

- Yeah. - Screenish.

So do you feel like adults understand

what kids are going through?

Um, I definitely think lots of moms do,

because... I think they do.

I'm curious, like, you said this was

one of the hardest hit areas of Katrina,

like, what are the stories you've heard?

Um, a guy died in this house,

but I like to believe that ghosts are nice

and they don't try to scare people,

unless that's their intention.

Tell me about that, uh,

tattoo you've got on your arm.

- It is nothing. - Oh!

His is what I... I've learned

about devante so far.

Devante is like, "my business is mine.

"What's about that?"

"I don't feel like talking about that right now."

"What's the tattoo?"

"Don't worry about what's the tattoo."

You know, this kinda thing.

So, uh, you know, what I appreciate about you?

I appreciate the fact that you, um...

You hold what is sacred, right?

So what do you think happens to you after you die?

Well, me and my mom are baptists.

Uh, well, I would say heaven, I feel.

I don't know how it would be like,

but what I imagine it, uh, I would say a Meadow

with a one big tree,

and you just lay on the grass with flowers

and you just stare up into the sun

with a lot of breeze, obviously.

You don't want it to be too hot.

Yeah, that's what I kind of imagine.

That's really beautiful.

Do you think that the world is fair?

No, nothing's really that fair.

There's always gonna be, uh,

like, probably gonna be more war,

since there's more things to fight about

if you keep on building onto what's in the past.

What causes flooding within yourself,

within whether it's in your mind,

within your heart, within your spirit?

What causes flooding, um, within you?

Um, I think it would be, like,

not, like, feeling that,

like I said no one cares or, like, just feeling that

i'm, like, alone sometimes.

But I know a lot of kids are saying,

"oh, the world's gonna end and all that."

I don't think the world's gonna end.

I just think the world's not gonna be as clean

as it used to be.

Say if your parents were your children...

What's something you would want them to learn?

What's something you would teach 'em?

Not to be selfish, not to be bad, and not to...

And not to disrespect, and not to have...

And to have close feelings

for your friends, your parents,

and not to be...

If I were the one to be a lead.

If you could change one thing about yourself,

what would it be?

My attitude.

Hey, what's wrong with your attitude?

You seem like you have a great attitude.

What would you change about yourself?

My anger.

"There, colors, sensations, and sounds

"will wash over you constantly."

"You will see so many living things."

- Hey. - Hey, what's up?

"Beyond imagining..."

How's it going?

- "Sensations and sounds..." - Thank you.

"Will wash over you constantly."

- No problem. - Hey. You're good?

- Yeah. - I'm sorry.

- Yeah. - What happened?

No. It's okay.

He just... There were some tears...

- Why? - We ran out of snacks,

the iPad died, it was like thing after thing.

We only have raisins left.

- Shit. - We don't like raisins.

I didn't plan well, I'm so sorry.

No, don't cuss.

Hey, sorry.

- It's fine. - You all right?

Yeah, I'm gonna go find Maurice.

- Okay. - And I'll be back.

Thanks, fern.

Hey.

- Hey. - You okay?

I'm embarrassed.

- You're embarrassed? - That I cried.

You're embarrassed that you cried,

don't be embarrassed.

Because I don't usually cry that much.

Huh?

I don't usually cry that much.

It's okay.

It's all right.

You mad at me?

Mmm-mmm.

Can you finish that book?

- Yeah. - Please.

"To visit planet earth,

"you will have to be born as a human child."

"At first, you'll have to learn

"to use your new body,

"to move your arms and legs, to pull yourself upright."

"You will learn to walk and run, to use your hands

"to make sounds and form words.

"Slowly, you will learn to take care of yourself.

"Here, it is still and peaceful,

"but there, the colors, sensations,

"and sounds will wash over you constantly.

"You will see so many living things,

"plants and animals, beyond imagining.

"Here, it is always the same,

"but there, everything is in motion,

"everything is always changing."

"You will be plunged into earth's river of time.

"There will be so much for you to learn"

"and so much for you to feel,

"pleasure and fear, joy and disappointment,

"sadness and wonder."

"In your confusion and delight,

"you will forget where you came from.

"You will grow up, travel, and work."

"Perhaps, you'll have children,

"even grandchildren of your own.

"Over the years, you will try to make sense

"of that happy, sad, full, empty,

"always-shifting life you're in.

"And when the time comes to return to your star,

"it may be hard to say 'goodbye'"

"to that strangely beautiful world."

Damn this book.

- You're crying. - No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

You're definitely cry... See, you're cry...

No, it's just... it's true.

We forget everything.

No, I don't, you do. You're stupid.

Yeah, you'll barely remember this.

You'll have, like, a few blurry memories

of this whole trip.

That's... that's very stupid.

You're just the stupidest stupid person.

Ever. And, like, you have the lesser brain capacity

than an actual deceased dead person.

So eating steaks,

I know this and...

- Oh! - You used to give mom

so much shit about that.

I did, didn't I?

I can't fucking believe it.

Yes, I am. God, that little shit

needs to learn how to keep secrets.

- Uh-huh? - Uh-huh.

Why are you still up?

Good question. I'm so exhausted I can't sleep.

I just... I'm gonna tell you something

that as a mother you won't be able to understand,

but you're gonna have to trust me.

Taking care of him and working at the same time is...

- Yeah. - A little too much.

It just takes a lot out of you.

So tomorrow, I'm gonna take him to a parade

that sunni told me about.

You're doing so good.

Yeah, he's been such a trouper,

I feel like I owe him a good time.

Even though, he, um, keeps asking me

why we don't talk.

Oh!

Cool. I like this kid.

And what do you say?

Apparently, some bullshit.

He didn't let you get away with that, did he?

No.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'll probably run out of bullshit I guess.

Well, you could tell him the truth.

That sounds fun.

Just tell your 9-year-old the truth. What...

Which... which part?

That I...

Messed up with you and Paul, that I got in the middle

of something I didn't understand?

That part?

Oh, yeah, that's good.

That's... That's a really good start.

Or was it when mom died, we got in...

Into all that weird shit when mom died.

That part?

You mean, like all that weird shit

of our entire lives? That stuff?

Yeah, our entire lives.

Or was it when Louisa left me

and everything just exploded.

You know, that's the first time you've said that.

Yeah, which part?

All of it.

Johnny.

Johnny. Johnny, Johnny!

Johnny.

I'm okay.

- You okay? - Are you all right?

- Uh, I'm okay. - Johnny.

- I'm okay. - Stop, Johnny!

Johnny!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Take it slow. Take it slow.

- It's okay, it's okay. - Okay.

It's okay.

Did I drop you?

I jumped.

Okay, good move.

I don't know what that was.

You fainted.

What?

Okay, I fainted.

Uh, maybe we shouldn't talk about it with anyone,

'cause it's embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing!

That must have been scary for you.

Nah-uh.

No, really?

I was fine.

I don't think I was fine

and I don't think you were fine.

We have a zone of resiliency.

When we're out of the zone, we can meditate.

Just think of something that can bring you joy.

When you're stressed out,

you can use some of these techniques.

Shoulder-tapping, rock-tossing.

Finger-touching.

Or mindful breathing.

And, or you can just shake it off...

Yeah.

That's amazing.

Thank you.

Do you think we're alike?

God, no.

Yeah, we are.

- We are, we are. - No, we are not.

No, we are not.

- Yeah, we are. - No, we're not.

No, we are not!

- Well, I wanna be. - I don't faint like you do.

No.

But I know a lot of kids are saying,

"oh, the world's gonna end" and all that.

I don't think the world's gonna end.

I just think the world's not gonna be as clean

or as easy to get around or easy to breathe

or easy stuff like that.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

This was really fun.

Have you ever thought about the future?

Oh...

Have you ever thought about the future?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, whatever you plan on happening,

never happens.

Stuff you would never think of happens.

So you just have to... You have to come on,

come on, come on, come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on, come on.

Uh, so he slept.

He slept for two whole nights

and he's responding to his meds,

so the doctor said he can do outpatient care.

He just told me he can go home.

- He did? - Yeah.

Wow. Um...

And how are you? You doin' all right?

I don't know. Yeah, just fine.

Um, you wanna tell Jesse now?

Yeah.

Johnny, thank you so much.

Okay.

Jesse, it's your mom.

Hello.

Hi, sweetie, how are you?

- I'm good. - Oh, good.

So listen, your dad's doing so much better.

The doctors are gonna keep helping him,

but they thought he was well enough to go home.

So I'm gonna come get you, okay?

I'm just driving Moses home

and then I'm gonna be on the first flight out tomorrow.

Oh, I'm so excited, I can't wait to see you.

Yep.

- Jesse? - Oh, take the phone,

take the phone, take the phone!

Jesse. Sweetie, are you there?

Jesse?

You don't have to follow me everywhere.

Come on, man.

I'm fine.

Oh, yeah?

You can be not fine.

But I'm fine.

Okay, you know, when you're not in your zone,

like, your zone of resiliency, it's...

It's okay to not be fine, you know?

Like, you can be

you know, angry, and... and sad,

and... and lost, and confused,

and that's okay.

But I'm fine!

Okay, but if you're ever not fine,

you can kick the air, you can throw a fit,

you can yell,

- and it would be okay. - I'm fine!

It'd be a totally reasonable response!

It'd be reasonable!

- You're not fine. - I'm fine!

Yeah, I'm not fine!

I'm fine!

I'm not fine and that's a totally reasonable response!

Come on, man.

Yeah.

- I'm not fine! - Yeah.

And that is a totally reasonable response!

Yeah. This is fucked up and that makes sense!

This is fucked up and that makes sense!

How could this being so fucked up make sense?

It's fucked!

Yeah.

Are you laughing or crying? I can't... I can't tell.

I wanna have the appropriate reaction.

Hey, man, come here.

Let me... let me look at you.

- Mm. - Are you laughing?

Is that a smile?

Is that your big stupid smile?

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

All right.

Are you gonna faint?

No.

I got my shoulder-touching, finger-tapping,

rock-throwing.

Why are you throwing rocks, by the way?

Do you think I'm gonna be like my dad when I'm older?

I think you have it better, Jesse.

Why?

'Cause you are just... I don't know.

You know yourself more,

you're able to like express yourself

and your feeling, that's what your mom taught you.

So you are way ahead of the game, believe me.

Means you're looking better.

Lots of blah, blah, blah.

Lots of blah, blah, blah.

Be funny, comma, when you can, period.

What's that?

My dad used to say that to me.

- Really? - Yeah.

That's funny.

Hi!

Mama!

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi, hi, hi.

- Hi. - Oh.

Hey. Hey.

Two, three...

- Bye, you guys. - Bye.

So he needs a lot of protein with every meal

and no screen time on the weekdays.

Weekends, one hour a day and that's it, all right?

Bye.

I love you.

I love you.

Have you ever thought about the future?

Have you ever thought about the future?

Uh, yeah.

Uh, whatever you plan on happening,

never happens.

Stuff you would never think of happens.

So you just have to... You have to come on,

come on, come on, come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on, come on.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

Johnny is a bit strange.

Um, he's really fun.

He makes me laugh.

He's really funny when he wrestles.

He might be my best friend,

'cause he only has only has two... two...

He only has two friends,

but he might be my best friend.

I don't know.

Blah, bablah, blah, blah.

I would say so blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You ready?

Hey, Jesse, this is Mozart,

your intense and overly emotional uncle.

When I woke up, you were blaring crazy opera music.

I was surprised that your mom had left,

but you didn't seem bothered about it.

You just pretty much...

Accepted me.

I showed you my recorder,

but you didn't want to be interviewed.

You recorded the beach, the sounds of the city.

I had to go back to New York

and I asked you to come with me,

and you just said, "I'd love that."

And you couldn't sleep,

and you were just talking a mile a minute,

and you had so many things to say,

and what about approaches,

and how to record...

And I could never actually stop you,

and then I kept trying, and I wish I wouldn't have.

Now I wanna hear all of your crazy thoughts

and cool ideas.

And then we were in bed, you asked...

Are you gonna remember any of this?

Maybe.

And that's, like, our awesome sleepovers.

And you said you won't remember it.

No, I said, "you won't remember it."

I'll remember it.

I won't remember?

I said, "I hope you do,"

and you got so upset,

and I said,

"I'll remind you of everything."

Do you think it's easy to understand your feelings?

Like, do you have access to... To what you feel or...

Hmm, the only thing that I do have

is that I know that I'm safe.

- That's beautiful. - Hmm.

Uh, what... What makes you feel safe?

I'm in a home where people care about me.

- Mm-hmm. - And I have friends

that care about me

and everything like that.

Um, I would definitely

take a lot of what my parents did

into account of how I parent my future children.

I would talk to them about what they want,

and, like, what they feel would be the best for them,

and make it known, like they could talk,

but I wouldn't force them.

I wouldn't be like, "hey, just so you know"

"we can talk all the time,"

'cause sometimes parents do that.

- Mm-hmm. - And it gets annoying

and they'll be like...

It's sort of scary, uh,

to talk to other people sometimes.

- Mm-hmm. - Because, um, uh, personally,

I feel like you never know what they're gonna say next.

- So... - Right?

In your... if you had this...

This superpower, what'd you do?

What would it be?

I don't know. I don't think

I would ever, like, use a superpower.

I think I would just be me.

- Like, me is my superpower. - Yeah.

And like I use it to help people and use it in ways that's...

That have never been done before.

Mmm.

Yeah.

That's super.

What about you, London?

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?

Uh, it would probably be either the fact that

I can I have a nasty personality

that clashes with my siblings or the fact that

I might have to have surgery

when I'm older on this one tooth

- 'cause it's like... - Well,

uh, maybe humanity ends,

just humans cease to exist on this earth.

I mean, uh...

I don't really know

if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Uh, I mean, if we're...

Yeah, like I want

everybody to be kind to each other and

I don't know, like, any harm

or any anger towards anybody. Like, why? Why?

Wouldn't... Wouldn't you rather be happy

than angry at someone?

Mm-hmm.

And why do those things

when you can just come together...

So... what... Describe adults for me.

Like, what do you think an adult is?

It's... an adult, mm...

All adults have to do is get money

and have to pay student loans. Got 'em.

I think that I get excited

'cause I know that I can do something to make the world,

the world a better place and I also think that

it's kinda devastating, because, like, I'm 14,

why should I be worried about the way the world looks,

or like, I should be able to...

Do you ever think about

what happens after you die?

Even though, like, the scientific thing to say

is that we don't think at all,

our bodies decompose

and, uh, like, life continues on without us.

Mm-hmm.

But why would we be made to just die?

- Mm-hmm. - There's probably that...

There's probably not a reason

but there might be a reason behind it.

Somehow, I don't know, I'm not sure.

Kids tend to think freely.

Adults when they think, they think in a tight space.

- You get what I'm saying... - I think...

It's hard. I think it's probably a cross

between mind reading and flying.

Mind reading because if someone's sad,

they usually won't tell you what's going on.

And I'm a little bit of a...

That kind of person that is a little...

Apparently, scientific studies,

I'm not saying this is completely true or whatever,

it's just what I've heard,

but, uh, your brain

has to knock out some old memories

to be able to save new ones.

So I feel like there's two types of Americans, like,

people who can constantly get what they want

and have what they need,

and then there's the other type

where they kind of have to struggle

and work harder for the things that they need.

It's not the way we look,

but it's, like, how we are on the inside that's...

Just like you can't judge a book by its cover,

it's the same with humans.

So I like to look at the positive side of things.

Um, I like to think about,

um, like new inventions that might

actually help save the world.

I think about going into space and discovering a new planet

and then maybe like building a life there.

What do you hope that you really remember

about your mom and your dad?

That they were always there for me,

that they always love me. They say...

I tell her

"good night" every night and...

I always tell her that I love her,

just like out of the blue and she would do the same.

And I really feel

that strong connection with her.

If you could have any superpower,

what would it be?

The ability to bend space and time.

If you were what you believe is a good person

and you ask whoever you believe in,

"hey, can I be reincarnated"

"into, I don't know, like a tiger?"

And you were a good person then they would be like,

"yeah, you can be a tiger, go ahead."

Well, I feel like if we die,

like, we don't really feel anything,

all like memories are gone and stuff.

And we're just like, we'll just see you wait

becoming a baby.

And, yeah,

getting born and then just restarting life.

Like, I'm not sure 'cause I've never been dead before.

Sit down

and close your eyes,

and try to find yourself.

Because I feel like that's what you really have to do,

to know what you want.

Like, find a way that you feel comfortable finding yourself.

You know, you gotta find to find.