Original subtitles

♪

-"Gunsmoke," starring James Arness as Matt Dillon...

-Morning, Festus. -Matthew.

-I sure hope we're not gonna be too busy for the next couple

of days.

-Onliest thing on my mind's this here blanged tooth.

-What, that's still bothering you?

-Oh. -Why don't you go see Doc?

-Matthew, have you saw that thingamajig

ol' Doc jobs down your goopher?

-Doesn't look to me like you got much choice.

It's either that or live with a toothache, you know?

-Well, I'm kind of afear'd to ask ol' Doc again, Matthew.

Four times he's had me in that chair,

and four times I've squiggled out of it.

-Well, you think you can get along with doin' things

here till Friday? -Of course.

That ain't no problem.

-All right.

Well, I'm gonna be headin' up to Garden City, you know.

They had a strange robbery took place up there.

The safe and the freight office were locked up tight,

and yet $3,000 wound up missing.

I'm going up there and check on it.

You better get on over to Doc's and have him fix that tooth.

-All right, Matthew.

Doc?

Maybe you and me could talk about this here tooth again?

You --

Oh. Sorry, I kind of mistook ya.

-[ German accent ] It's all right.

-I'm just glad it wasn't ol' Doc.

I know just what that old scudder's gonna say

the minute I walk in there.

He'll say, "Well, I tried to pull it three or four times,

and you wouldn't let me do it.

Now you can just go on, scratch for yourself."

Well, I can hear that old scamp.

[ Mutters ]

-Hello. -Yes, sir.

-I'd like to have a room, please.

Second floor, it looks on the street.

-Street side?

All full except one,

and that's reserved for Mr. O'Leary.

-It's just -- Mr. O'Leary,

he would be unhappy with another room?

-Very unhappy, sir.

He wired ahead.

He always likes this particular room

whenever he comes into Dodge.

-I see.

I see. Well, that's too bad.

-I do have a very nice room facing the side.

Catches the night breezes.

That's an attractive watch, sir.

-Oh, thank you. I'm glad that you appreciate.

-Quite unusual.

-Yes.

[ Hypnotic music plays ]

Like little stars in the heaven...

they twinkle.

Twinkle.

Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

Mr. O'Leary, he will like this other room.

He has a sudden fondness for night breezes.

You will not remember my words.

[ Snaps fingers ]

You said you had a nice room for me facing the street, please?

-Yes, it was reserved for Mr. O'Leary,

but I recall him saying something about night breezes.

I'm sure he'd much prefer the side.

-All right, I thank you very much.

-Number four, sir, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Dodge.

-Oh, I certainly will.

The people in Dodge is most cooperative.

♪

♪

-Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, here.

-Doc, how ya doin'? -Newly.

What in the thunder is that?

-It looks like a lot of promisin' to me --

painless healing.

-"Only a small charge

made to those willing to partake in new medical experiments."

Gettin' sick and tired of these fakers arou-- where's Matt?

-Well, sir, he left a while ago.

He's over in Garden City.

Uh, but Festus, he's down in Long Branch.

-Well, have you seen this miracle worker?

-I saw him headed over to the Dodge House --

a little man, carryin' a medical bag.

-I'll straighten him out.

-Doc can't blame me none if my tooth quits hurtin'

every time he jabs that whosiwhatsit in my mouth.

-Festus, you're just imagining that Doc won't help you.

Now, when he gets back town, you just up and ask him.

-I know better than that, Miss Kitty.

He'll say I ain't got no more sense than my mule's got

and that he ain't gonna mess around with that tooth no more.

He'd twist and turn them words and jabber away with everything

he can think of -- tryin' to hoorah me.

I know him. -Here.

Try some of that, see if it will help the tooth.

-Much obliged, Miss Kitty.

He'll start off with muttonhead.

He'll call me a muttonhead, and then he'll build up to where

I ain't got enough brains to fill up a thimble with,

and then he'll start to insult me.

I can hear him.

-Fine thing.

Deputy Marshal here, in the saloon,

this early in the morning, drinkin' hard liquor.

-All right, you ornery, old scudder.

Just never you mind to call me a muttonhead and stuff like that.

-I haven't called you anything yet.

-The way it appears to me,

a doctor is supposed to be patient with his patients

expectin' him to have patience.

And you're just gonna wind up

to where you ain't got no patients

if you don't start to havin' some patience.

I'll tell you that.

-Can you translate that for me?

-I think he has a toothache.

-Well, for heaven sakes, all you got to do

is go up into my office and wait for me like you always do.

But you know as well as I do that your toothache

will completely disappear the very second

you hear my footsteps on the stairs.

-Oh. -Now, I want to talk to you

about something.

You're a deputy.

You got a badge.

Now, you know how Matt and I feel about quacks

comin' into this town.

Well, right at this very minute,

one of them parked his rig down at the livery stable,

and he's registered over in the Dodge House.

Now, why do you allow a thing like that?

Well, why do you?

-Well, maybe Dodge is gettin' big enough for two quacks.

-You -- it's -- it's --

that -- you -- don't you get smart with me!

Here, you take that bag

and you get up to my office and you wait for me.

-Where you goin'? -None of your business.

I don't know which tooth is bothering you

but I know one thing --

It certainly is not a -- a wisdom tooth.

-And so, this -- $650,

$1,500,

$2,875.

Total -- $8,625.

Dodge City is last.

If I could only get $2,000 more --

[ Knock on door ]

It is?

-Doctor Adams. I want to talk to you.

-I don't hear so good, please, who is it?

-My name's Doctor Adams, and I want to talk to you.

Now, open the door.

-I do not need a doctor because I ama doctor.

-Well, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about.

Now, open up.

-You may go away but -- but, for heaven's sake, I'll open up.

What do you think? That I am someone that you --

-I am the physici-- and...

-Galen?

Galen Adams?

-Herman? -Yes!

-Herman Schultz!

-Oh, for heaven's sake.

-Well you old son of a gun.

-Galen Adams, here, in Dodge City.

How -- how long? 30 years?

-Oh, Herman, 35. Must be.

35 years, at least.

-But whatever the years, a drink we must have, huh?

-You know. -Oh, my, Galen.

-You had no idea, seein' you, what you --

you're a sight for sore eyes.

-Yeah, but, when was we last together?

-Well, I don't remember that,

but the last I recall about you was, you were --

you were on your to Austria to do medical research.

-I went, I went. -You did?

-Mm-hmm.

-And here's the drink. -Herman?

-Yeah?

-What I came up here about. -Yeah?

-That buggy? The painless healing?

-Oh, no. No, no.

Well, the -- the -- the good town doctor

was coming up here to throw the charlatan out of his town.

-Well, now, just a minute.

I am confident that you would not be

involved in anything unethical.

But you have no idea how many charlatans, as you say,

prey on these little, western Kansas towns.

Now, you know how I feel about that.

-Yes, I lecture, and I give demonstrations.

-Well, then you do promise painless healing.

-I lecture in little towns on my way to a symposium in Denver.

But I leave behind me a word of hope for those who would not

have the strength to be at the pain of an operation.

-I don't think I understand you.

-Mesmerizing, Galen.

Mesme-- have you heard of this mesmerizing?

-Yes, of course, but, uh,

well, certainly not applied to surgery.

-It is an entirely new field.

New, but, it needs much research.

-Well, now, let me understand

You mean that you -- you can mesmerize a patient

so that he -- he won't feel any pain under surgery?

-Unfortunately, only 1 out of 20 respond.

But those few, they will not feel pain under suggestion.

To be successfully used in medicine, of course,

the science of mesmerizing must be exact.

Oh, we can do little things, you know, for most people.

Like, uh, having hotel clerk give you a room

that was reserved for somebody else.

-You worked it on Howie downstairs?

-Yeah.

Well, you know, keep in practice,

I have a little fun.

Yeah.

-Well...

I can certainly understand how it could be a great --

great boon to medicine, of course, if --

if you -- if...

You say you need a special type of patient for this to work on?

-Uh, generally,

they are most unusual in their thinking processes.

-I think I have exactly the patient

that you need waiting for me in my office right now.

-Oh, good.

-He's waiting up there for me to pull a tooth for him.

Now, this fella is not 1 out of 20, as you say.

[ Chuckles ] He's one in a million.

♪

[ Rattling ]

Howdy, Doc.

You know that toothache I had?

It -- it's just clean went away all by its own self.

[ Chuckles nervously ] Ain't that good?

It don't hardly hurt none at all no more.

-Festus, I want you to meet Doctor Schultz,

an old and dear friend of mine.

Doctor, this is, uh, Festus Haggen.

-It is a pleasure. -Mine, too.

Doc, I got a whole heap of business to be tendin' to,

so I'll see you on --

-No, now, nonsense.

You just wait right there.

I've heard that song before.

You know as well as I do that 10 minutes after you leave here,

why, that tooth will start raring on you again

and you'll start -- just -- just sit down.

-Well, the thing is, Doc,

I don't want to take up your time 'cause

you got a whole mess of sick folks

to be took care of.

-Festus, you are absolutely my sole concern at the moment.

Now, you just sit right down there

and talk to Doctor Schultz.

-Yeah, but --

-Mr. Festus, uh, you are the Dodge lawman?

-Just the deputy, mister -- uh, Doctor.

I just wish ol' Doc could get it through his head

that this here tooth of mine

ain't worth all the trouble he's goin' to.

-I give you my word of honor,

you will not feel any pain when your tooth is pulled.

-Oh, fiddle. I ain't worried about no pain.

Us Haggens, we can stand all kinds of pa--

What's that?

-Well, never mind what this is, just lean back and open your --

-Well, wait. -Here, just --

Now, just lean back and open your mouth.

-Well, wait a minute. -No. Yes.

I'm not gonna do anything. I promise you.

-Ah.

Ah, ah. -Now, hold -- hold still.

Hold on here.

Well, I'll declare.

This is absolutely incredible, Herman.

-What, Galen? -Galen?

-Oh, shut up, and keep your mouth open.

Hmm.

Medical phenomenon.

Got 36 teeth.

Four more than a human being.

-Good subject, I think.

-Why don't we start? -Yes.

Mr. Haggen, please look at my watch.

-That's a right nice watch.

-Well, just look at it. -I done saw it.

-Well, keep lookin' at his watch.

He wants to sh-- -Mr. Haggen, look at my watch.

See how it swings to and fro?

Look at the little jewel lights.

They shine like stars.

Twinkle, twinkle.

Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

-[ Snores ]

Now, Mr. Haggen,

while your tooth is being pulled, you will feel no pain.

You will be so happy,

you will even want to pull it yourself.

No pain, just a tickle.

When I snap my fingers, you will be awake.

[ Snaps fingers ]

-Absolutely amazing.

-He's ready.

-What was that you was saying Doc?

-Well, Festus, I just said

that I was gonna pull a tooth for you.

-Oh, good.

Right here.

Maybe I can help you Doc.

I can hold the pliers

and help you pull it. -Thank you.

I think I'm gonna be able to handle this all right on myself.

All right. Now, just -- just hold still.

What's the matter? -Tickle.

[ Laughs ]

-Just hold still. I'll get it.

I am absolutely amazed.

-Yeah, Galen.

Perhaps, someday, the snap of a doctor's fingers,

and a patient will be able to endure any pain

necessary for any operation, no matter how major.

-All right, now.

I'm just almost finished here.

Now, here's what I'm gonna -- just -- just right there.

All right, now, I want you to just bite down on that.

Not now, I'll tell you --

When you...

All right, now, just slow there.

Just keep your jaws tight on that,

and...you just sit there and fester.

-[ Chuckles ]

-Herman, I never thought I'd live to see that.

-Thank you.

-Well, I can certainly see when you get this...

-Let me help you with this, please.

-Tell me, you want to have some fun.

-I always like to enjoy.

-You know, he's a very good friend of mine.

-Oh, I saw that, yeah.

-Now, I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity

for anything in the world.

Now, while you got him like this,

is it possible for you to make him think that he's a --

an animal, a chicken or...

-Could make him a chicken, a duck, rooster, cow...

-Rooster!

-All right, very simple.

He doesn't even have to be mesmerized.

-Oh, he doesn't? -No, you see,

there's something we don't understand yet at all --

that when we put someone

to sleep and tell them to do something,

when they wake up, they do it.

Why? We don't know yet.

-Wouldn't harm him? -Oh, no, no, no, no.

-All right, I'm goin' over to Long Branch

and may you give me a couple of minutes

and you make him a rooster and bring him over there.

-I'll see you.

-Oh.

Doc leave, did he Doctor Schultz?

-Yes, he waits for us at the Long Branch.

Festus, you can remove this.

-Oh, yes, sir.

-[ Snaps fingers ]

Festus, you and I are going to become very good friends.

-Yes. Good friends, Doctor Schultz.

-No, that's all right.

When we are alone, you could call me Herman.

-Yes, Herman, I mean.

-Yeah, now, listen to me very carefully.

My Dodge House room faces the street.

It's a corner room.

Tonight, when you are walking on the street,

I want you to keep your eye on the window.

When the shade is pulled down,

you will come to my room without saying one word to anybody.

Do you understand?

-You betcha, Herman. -Good.

Now, we will go to the Long Branch

and you will walk in like a rooster --

a very big rooster who feels like crowing.

You will crow five times.

Do you understand?

-Yes, sir, Doc --

Herman, I mean.

-[ Snaps fingers ]

-Shall we go, uh, join Doc in the Long Branch?

-That's a real good idea, Her-- Doc -- Herman, I mean.

-No, no, no, it's all right.

We are friends.

-Real good friends, Herman.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-[ Crows ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Crows ]

[ Cheers ]

-What's gotten into him?

-You'd have to ask another chicken.

[ Laughter ]

-[ Crows ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Crows ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-[ Crows ]

[ Laughter ]

-Festus, what in heaven's name has gotten into you?

-Well, Miss Kitty, there's --

there's times when a feller

just has to do what he feels like doin'.

And I just kind of felt like crowin'.

What's so bad about that?

-You're acting like a jackass.

-All right, quiet.

Quiet in here.

Please. Please, folks, quiet.

Just -- just a -- just a minute, if you please.

-Now, what you have just seen, well,

it was a little joke, but it does have its practical side,

and I'm gonna explain it to you.

Just a few minutes ago, Festus was up in my office

and I pulled a tooth for him,

and he did not experience one bit of pain.

Now, I'll tell you why.

It was because my friend, Doctor Schultz, here,

through the power of suggestion,

was able to convince him that it would be a pleasant experience

instead of a painful one.

Now that's the truth. Now, its called mesmerization.

Now, I don't -- I don't profess to understand this,

but as a doctor, I can't tell you how excited it makes me.

And it just makes me so proud, I, well -- let's --

I just want, now,

you to met my friend Doctor Herman Schultz.

[ Applause ]

-Thank you very much, but enough of me.

Uh, do me the honor and let me buy you a drink, please.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-Look, you have here a -- a music man.

Mister, would you please make me a oom-pa-pa, oom-pa-pa?

[ Piano plays ]

[ Singing in German ]

-He crows better than he dances.

-Doc, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

-Why?

-Planning that friend of yours make a fool

out of Festus like this?

-I wouldn't have missed this for anything in the world.

-You are incorrigible.

-Quit that!

I don't dance none with fellers.

Doc, I just don't like that feller.

-Why not?

-Well, because for one thing, he talks funny.

-Talks funny? He talks six different languages.

-And he probably talks funny in all of them, too.

-[ Vocalizing ]

[ Piano stops ]

[ Applause ] -Well, I'll tell ya.

You still got it in ya.

-Thank you, Galen. -Galen?

-Oh, uh, Doctor Schultz.

Miss Kitty Russell, who owns the Long Branch.

-How do you do?

-How do you do?

What a beautiful necklace.

Befitting a beautiful lady.

-Well, thank you very much.

-Same old Herman.

-To your health, please, Miss Russell, and to your place.

♪

[ Singing in German ]

-[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Well, come in, Festus.

Come in, come in. I'm glad to see you.

-Hi.

Didn't aim to bother you none, Herman.

-[ Snaps fingers ]

-Now, you will come and have a drink with me, yes?

-I don't reckon it'd hurt none.

-No, no.

Now, Festus, listen to me.

There is a special stage coming through Dodge tomorrow.

-Oh.

You talking about the stage

that carries that money box put up every week

at the freight office? -Yes.

And we have to protect that money box.

-Oh.

Of course, we always do.

-You always do what?

-Take good care of the money box.

-But how? We must be very careful.

Marshal Dillon has entrusted you to be

sure that that money is safe, and I'm here trying to help you.

-Oh, I know that, Herman.

-All right.

What time will that stage come through Dodge?

-That there's a secret.

-You're getting very sleepy, Festus.

Close your eyes.

Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

-[ Snores ]

All right, now, everything

that I tell you do you will do because your Marshal Dillon

will wish you to do it.

Do you understand?

-Yes. -Good.

Very important we guard that money box.

-Most importantest thing there is.

-All right, what time does that stage come through Dodge?

-That there's a secret.

-[ Speaks German ]

-Burke. -Yes?

-He's onliest one knows what time.

-Burke?

-Burke.

Feller works at the freight office.

-How do you protect the gold?

-Well, there's no gold tonight, sir, only the cash box.

-Yeah, of course, the cash box.

And you and I will protect it, Mr. Burke.

-Yes, sir. -What time does it arrive?

-At midnight. -How do you protect it?

-The shotgun and the driver make sure

that money's placed into the safe.

Then I lock the safe.

-If, uh, if you lock the safe, you could unlock it.

-When money is placed into the safe,

it takes more than the key.

The combination lock is turned and only Mr. Smithe can open it.

-Mr. Smithe? Where is he?

-He'll be here tomorrow morning, sir.

-Let me ask you -- supposing the money

is not put in the safe. -Sir?

-Supposing you are not around here

and the freight office is closed.

There must be somewhere else where the money is safe?

-Yes, sir -- the marshal guards it for the night.

-The marshal?

In this case, the deputy marshal?

-Yes, sir. Festus Haggen.

-Yes, I see now. -Sir?

-I'll tell you what.

The stage arrives at midnight, and you will leave at 11:00.

-Yes, sir. -You will close

the freight office, and then go visiting.

Who -- who would be someone that you would visit?

-My mother. She likes for me to visit her.

-Where does she live?

-Across the street from here, top floor.

-[ Speaks German ] -Sir?

-Look, you -- you will not go visiting tonight.

You will go riding.

You will ride out into the night until you see the sunrise.

Then you may come home.

-Yes, sir.

-When I snap my fingers,

you will not remember this conversation.

Oh, before I do.

Doctor Adams told me he has a lady patient

by the name Anderhols, Anderson -- something?

-Mrs. Anders.

-Yeah, thank you.

Now, before you leave at 11:00, you will inform Doctor Adams

that Mr. Anders wants the doctor to come to his farm.

It will be very urgent. -Yes, sir.

Doc Adams to come to the Anders' farm -- very urgent.

-[ Snaps fingers ]

Oh, yes, Doctor, as I was saying,

the weddin' wagon would be your best choice

if you want to save some money.

-Now, thank you very much,

but I'll come back and tell you if I decide.

Good-bye. -Good day, Doctor.

-Want some more?

-No thanks.

-Well, it ain't that I don't hate the Doctor Schultz, Doc.

It's just, well, it's kind of...

I mean...

Well, you know what I mean.

-The day I know what you mean the first time around

is the day I'll run the flag up the pole.

-Doc, ain't you ever got yourself a kind

of a flippery, wobbly feelin' like you're, uh,

spillin' and slidin' and you can't understand the way

ya feel, uh -- havin' that kind of a feeling?

-Those words ought to be carved in granite.

-Why? -Because 1,000 years from now,

nobody's gonna believe you ever existed.

-Oh, there you go again.

Every day you got to start off the same way,

and tryin' ruin everyth-- -Am I interrupting something?

-Of course not.

Certainly not. -Would you believe it?

I've never walked before in a jail.

-Well, now that's certainly not a bad complaint to have, Herman.

You know, I was on my way

to breakfast, just now, would you join me?

-No, thank you, Galen. No.

-Galen? -Shut up.

-I had already breakfast.

I thought, maybe, I could visit with Festus.

He would show me the cells. -Well, that's fine.

Just don't let him lock you in one of them.

-Oh, he wouldn't do that.

-Well, don't be too sure.

He's already locked himself in, twice that I know of.

-All right, you smart aleck, old scamp.

This here's where we keep all the outlaws at,

Doctor - uh, Herman.

I don't know why it is I keep, callin' Herman, Herman.

I -- it's just kind of comes natural to me, somehow.

-Oh, that's all right, Festus.

We're friends. [ Snaps fingers ]

Festus, listen to me.

We have a problem.

The money stage arrives tonight,

but the freight office will be closed.

So, we have to find a safe place for that money.

-Safe place for the money.

-What is safer than a jail?

-Jail's a real safe place.

-You will tell the stage driver to bring the money box here

and put it in a cell.

Then tell him the marshal gave you those orders.

-Marshal give me the orders.

-Then I will come back,

and together, we will guard the money.

-You and me guard the money together.

-You're a good man, Festus.

[ Snaps fingers ]

-Uh, like I was sayin', Herman, uh...

this here's the place where we keep all the scallywags at.

-Now, Dodge City's a nice place.

No scallywags today.

Good morning, my friend, Festus.

♪

-Why in the Sam Hill do I keep callin'

that old kook Herman for?

-Oh, Herman, Dodge City's become home to me.

I could have settled into any one of 100 towns,

I suppose, but -- -Doc, Mrs. Anders

wants you to come out to her place right away.

-Well, what's the trouble? -Well, I don't know.

I just ran into Mr. Anders and he said

to have you come right on out.

it's very -- it's -- it's -- it's urgent.

-Well, now, just hold on a minute here.

Just a minute.

I guess I better get on out there, Herman.

Uh, wait a minute.

Burke, you can do me a big favor.

If you'll go up to my office, Mrs. Doniger --

-Doc, I can't do anybody any favors tonight.

I got to -- -Well, now, wait a minute.

Why can't you? -Well, I -- I got to go ridin'.

-Riding? -Yeah, it's something

I got to do real bad.

It's a personal matter.

-There's another prime subject for you.

Well, I'm gonna try to get back tomorrow morning,

and if I do, we'll have breakfast together.

-Nice, Galen.

-Oh, excuse me. -I forgot, uh...

-Wow, it sure is a quiet night.

Sam, why don't take an early break?

I can handle things.

-Well, thank you, Miss Kitty.

-Miss Russell. -Well, good evening, Doctor.

-Could I treat you to a night cap?

-I think it's time somebody else bought you a drink.

-Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

My, excuse me.

I was looking at your beautiful necklace.

I'm attracted to such exquisite jewelry.

May I examine it, please?

-Of course.

-Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, it is exquisite.

Look at the lights, how they shine.

They twinkle like little stars --

little stars that shine

and bring the warmth of a caress,

a caress that makes for sleep.

Sleepy.

Sleepy.

Sleep.

Miss Russell.

I wish to buy this necklace.

Name a moderate price.

-What ever gave you the idea I wanted to sell it,

Doctor Schultz?

-You are, uh, not only a most beautiful woman,

but with excellent tastes.

What a most extraordinary person.

-Well, thank you very much.

-Good night, Miss Russell.

-Good night, Doctor Schultz.

♪

-Hold up, now. -Hyah.

-There's a change of plans, Stoney.

-With the freight office done locked up and Burke out of town,

I want you to bring your money box to the jail.

-In the jail? -Yeah, for safe keepin'.

I'm gonna lock it up.

So just come on down yonder,

and I'll lock her up good and tight.

-If you say so, Festus. -Hyah!

♪

-Just tell me this, is the money box here?

-Oh, course, it's right there

where you said we ought to put it.

Right here, where nobody can get at it, see?

-But, Festus, tell me this.

Are you sure that it is safe in there?

-Fact is, I was just thinkin' about that when you come in,

Herman -- about the money not being safe

-And I got me a idea 'cause I don't think

that money box ought to be there in the cell,

where some yahoo maybe get his hands on these here keys

and open up the cell door, don't you see?

-That's very good thinking.

A key could open up the door.

So, I have my buggy outside,

that is the last place anybody would think to look.

-So, I figured out somethin' that's gonna make you so proud.

We'll just fix her where nobody ain't gonna get their hands

on these here keys.

Now, we can both go ourselves a good night's sleep

and not worry about nobody openin' up this here cell door.

And I'll fix us a pot of fresh coffee.

And maybe you could tell me all about the olden days.

You know, when you and Doc was in school and --

-[ Shouts in German ] -When you used to do

all that knifin' and hangin' and stuff

and when you and Doc was... -There must be other keys.

-...back yonder in the schoolhouse

And all that schoolings you's going --

-Festus, never mind that. Never mind that.

Where is the duplicate keys what will open that cell door?

-Oh, them there's the only keys we got.

See, I was figurin' on gettin' Newly.

He's our gunsmith here in town.

And he is the handiest feller

you have ever saw workin' with little tools.

-But could you get him here tonight?

-Oh, no, he ain't gonna back till tomorrow.

But I'll get him to open it up then.

And you know one thing?

Matthew, he's the marshal here,

he's gonna be shakin' your hand for pitchin' in

and helpin' me to protect that there money box.

-Festus!

There must be another way to open that cell door.

-Herman, I'll guarantee you there ain't no way

nobody can get that money box.

It's ol' Doc gettin' back in town.

I tell ya somethin' -- he's gonna be mighty proud

of you too, Herman, for helpin' us out with...

I'll get a new pot of coffee

made for when you fellers get back!

-Kitty, have you seen Burke?

-No, I haven't.

You look mighty put out.

-Well, I am upset.

He sent me on a wild goose chase.

If I hadn't have run into Bill Anders,

I'd have gone all the way out to his --

Well, that's Herman's rig.

-Sure seems to be leavin' town in a hurry.

-He never said a thing to me.

That's kind of strange.

-You know, um, speaking of things that are strange,

I -- I have a feeling that, um, he was tryin'

to do that mesmerizing thing to me tonight.

-What? -Well, you know,

this -- this necklace he was so crazy about.

He was tryin' to talk me into sellin' it to him.

But he was talkin' funny-like.

-I better see what Festus knows about this.

-Doc?

Was that Herman's buggy leavin' town?

-Yeah, it was.

And I just can't --

Herman, you say?

-Yeah, well, that there's kind of a funny thing.

You know how a feller will start to callin' another feller

by his first name.

'Course, I ain't never aimed to be disreceptacle.

-Hold on a minute here.

Festus, look me right in the eye.

I want to ask you a question.

Do you like Herman Schultz?

-Of course I do.

-Have you always liked Herman Schultz?

-Ain't no reason why not to, Doc.

You want to see what me and Herman done?

-I think I do. -Oh, we've been --

we've been protectin' the -- the money box here.

Got her locked up in the cell.

Of course, throwin' the keys in there,

now that there was my idea.

But I don't think Herman liked that too good.

-Why not?

-Because he had a safer place for it.

-Where?

-Well, he said it'd be safer in his buggy.

You know I feel kind of bad about that, Doc,

'cause it appeared like he got a little bit upset with me.

Where you goin', Doc?

-I'll upset him.

-[ Yawns ]

One man in a million.

Where could you find such a empty head?

[ Yawns ]

Who would think to throw a key in a cell?

Nobody.

♪

[ Shouts in German ]

[ Whips cracks ]

Hyah!

♪

[ Shouts in German ]

♪

Hyah!

Faster!

♪

-Hold up! -Go away!

-Are you gonna stop or not?

-No!

Hyah!

-Hold on, there.

-Hyah!

-Hyah!

-No!

Get away!

Get away from me, Galen

-I'll Galen you. -Stop it!

♪

Look what you're doing.

-Pull over, you charlatan.

-Will you stop with the swats?

♪

We will both get hurt.

♪

-[ Grunts ]

-Galen, no, no, no.

You was lucky that you didn't hurt me?

-You're gonna be hurt!

-No, no, no.

Galen, it is --

it is not dignified.

Doctors do not fight.

-You are no -- you're no doctor.

You're a crook. -Galen, you forget one thing.

When we was in college, who -- when we had a fight, who won?

-I'll never forget it.

-Oh.

Galen.

Galen, please. Listen to me.

We are getting a little too old for this foolishness.

Please, can we settle it another way.

-I'll tell you how we'll settle it.

You're goin' back into Dodge with me,

and you'll take Festus out of that --

that state you left him in.

-I thought the state I left him in was -- was an improvement.

-I liked him that way!

-Galen, lis-- listen.

I'll give you the money.

I'll give all the -- the money.

-What money?

-I'll give you all -- all the money.

This, what I took from Garden City,

from Wichita,

and from Three Forks.

$8,000.

Not for me -- for research.

If I had gotten lucky in Dodge city,

I would have had a beginning.

-I don't know anything about that.

Herman, I know this --

You are comin' into Dodge with me right now

or I'm gonna break every bone in your carcass.

-All right.

I'll go with you.

And when I snap my fingers, you will be yourself again.

One, two, three.

[ Snaps fingers ]

-Doc?

Matthew? -Festus.

-Festus, Doctor Herman Schultz, you know.

-I met Doctor Schultz.

-Well, his first name's Herman, you know.

-I know that.

I just call my friends by their first name.

-I'm satisfied, Matt. He's all right.

-Well, it's good enough for me.

-I suppose now I have to be locked up?

-I'm afraid so, Doctor.

-Let me do it, Matthew.

-You know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

We could find a judge who's sick

and will appreciate some medical research, Galen.

-Galen?

-Herman...

I wish you the best of everything.

I mean it. -Thank you.

-From now on,

just use that watch the way it was intended, will you?

-Mr. Festus.

-Thank you. -Much obliged, Sam.

-You're welcome.

-I'll just have some coffee, Sam.

-Yes, ma'am. -Thank you.

-Matthew? -Hello, Matt.

-Good evening. -Matt, any news yet?

-No, not yet, Doc.

Judge Brooker's still got the case under advisement.

But, you know, the fact that, uh, of Doc Schultz' age

and his -- well, the fact that he returned the money and all,

I don't think they're gonna be too tough on him.

-Yeah, well, I certainly hope not because, well,

no matter how Herman turned out,

he -- he still is a fine, fine, medical man.

Now, there is somethin' I want to say here.

-Thank you. -I owe everybody

here an apology,

and I guess a lot of other folks, too.

I really do. -Oh, Doc.

It's not your fault.

You meet an old friend and you take him for

what you knew him to be.

-No, I do, Kitty.

I -- I -- I owe that apology.

Well, I owe -- I owe you an apology, Festus, most of all.

-Oh, fiddles, Doc.

-I do. I do.

Because you, right from the start, instinctively

knew that there was somethin' wrong with Herman,

and -- and, well, that's more than I knew.

You were smarter than I was about it.

-Well, if you're gonna be pattin' folks on the back,

I'll tell you now -- the way that you whomped that old coot

and brung him back to Dodge,

maybe you'd ought to be the Dodge deputy.

Don't you think so, Matthew?

-Well, uh, yeah, but then what would you do for a livin'?

-Well, maybe I could kind of do the town doctorin'.

'Course, you'd have to tell me a couple of doctorin' things.

-Oh, I could fill you in on that in a couple hours.

-There's one thing that's fuddlin' me

somethin' terrible, Doc.

-What?

-Well, now, when a Doctor doctors another doctor...

-Yeah?

-...well, does the doctor that's doin' the doctorin'

doctor the doctor that's gettin' doctored

the way that the doctor that's doin' the doctorin'

wants to doctor the doctor that's gettin' doctored?

Or does the doctor that's gettin' doctored

tell the doctor that's doin' the doctorin'

to doctor the doctor that's gettin' doctored the way

that the doctor that's gettin' doctored...

♪

♪

-Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "Gunsmoke."

♪