All language subtitles for Gunsmoke.S15E08.The.Still.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-DarkSaber_prob4_track3_[und]

♪

-"Gunsmoke,"starring
James Arness as Matt Dillon.

[ Bell ringing ]

-Recess is over, y'all.
Come in.

I want you all to come
inside now.

We're going to take up
reading about Thomas Jefferson.

You stop pulling
on her pigtails.

What have you got puffing out
those cheeks of yours?

-Chewing Tobacco.

-Well, you get rid
of this minute.

-Foolin', only my tongue.

-Oh, get inside.

-Um...
You all open your books

to the place where it tells
all about Thomas Jefferson.

Uncle Titus?
Elbert Moses?

What y'all doing down here?

-Moving our still.

-Lord done chase that old man
top and cut his molly,

Merry Florene.

Thought we get it moved out.

-You mean your setting up
a liquor still out of my school?

-Shoot, thinks
she owns the school.

-Elbert Moses,
you ain't doing no such thing.

I got my kids to think about.

-You listen, Missy.
Now, you listen.

Now, we has a hard winter
in them hills.

And we need money.

All for Uncle Finnie's doctoring
and such.

-You mean ol' Finnie is sick?

-Well he ain't
feeling too chipper.

-Well, I got money.

Almost $3 a week, I get paid.

That's enough
for Uncle Finnie's doctoring.

-It ain't just Uncle Finnie.

Now, you got $50 we can borrow?

-Fifty Dollars?

-That's right.

The Bull's Head Saloon, now,
we got what's called a contract.

-Furnishing all the drinking
liquor for the Saloon

for the whole year,

and we need $50 to get started.

-Well, one thing
I know for sure.

Y'all ain't starting no still
under this here schoolhouse.

-Well, I reckon I'm going
to have to tell her

what Uncle Finnie said.

-What did he say?
-What did he say?

-He says that he wants a shack
to live in.

-Uncle Finnie already
got himself a shack.

-Un-uh.
Fell down last week.

Now, I promised him another,
and a better one, too.

And he said to say
to Merry Florene,

"Thanks for any cooperating,

paying back
the favors he done her."

-What favors?

-You saying Uncle Finnie
never done you no favors?

Time he nursed you back
from a sick grave.

-I don't remember that.

-Well, you weren't no bigger
than a button.

-Well, I don't mind doing
Uncle Finnie no favors, but --

-Now you're talking.

Now you're talking.

The first thing we're going
to do with the profit

of this thing,
is we going to get Uncle Finnie

a peaceable home
for his old age.

-It's about time.

He's already past 107.

Sure give the body
a warm feeling

having Elbert Moses for kin,
don't it, Merry Florene?

-Merry Florene?

-What?
-Get rid of them kids in there.

-You can't have them meandering

around while we're setting up
the still.

-I can't get rid of no kids.

I already told them

I was going to read to them
all about Thomas Jefferson.

-Who's he?

-He's the third President
of the United States of America,

who he is, and I can't get rid
of no --

-So tell them it's his birthday

and give them the rest
of the day off.

-How long you boys expect
to be using this here cellar?

-Just for a couple of days
to we get us a better place.

-Go on and eat some lard
and fatten yourself up.

-I got to get back to my kids.

-I tell you, Uncle Titus,

the dumbest thing
in this whole world is a woman.

[ Theme music playing ]

[ Cow lowing ]

-Newly, that there is
a pretty prime-looking bull.

You know, that's scutter
looking about half-mean

just with his horns sawed off
and everything, don't he?

-Mr. Bishop certainly is going
all out raising prime beef

on that spread of his.

-Festus, you mind, uh,
riding out to Bishop's place

and tell him that his bull,
Brutus the Third, has arrived?

-Well Burt,
I'd like to help you out.

But With Mathew out of town,

I got my deputying duties
to be took care of.

-Well, I guess I have
to do it myself.

The Bull's insured and I

want to get him signed
over as quickly as possible.

-Well, what's them cockleburs
doing in town?

Whoa up there a minute.

Elbert Moses,
what are doing back in town?

Fixin' to stir up some kind
of a ruckus, are you?

-We got a right
to be coming into a town.

-Well, of course you have,
long as you behave yourself.

I just wanna know what business
you all got in town.

-Oh, we just kinda come in,
sorta celebrate.

-It's his birthday.
-Who's?

-Thomas Jefferson.

-Well, who's Thomas Jefferson?

-See what you get when
you never learn how to read?

-Yeah, maybe you oughta be
going to that school

that Merry Florene runs.

-Never mind!
Never mind!

I just kind of forgot
there for a minute.

-Then who is he?

-Who's what?

-Thomas Jefferson.

-Well, I know who he is.

I'm just betting you muttonheads

is asking cause
you don't know your own selves.

-No such a thing.

Thomas Jefferson's
third president

of these United States.

-That's right.

-Well, of course he is.

Your saying it like you's
the onliest one in the world

that knowed who he was.

-That's why we're here.

It's his birthday.

-Well, I'ma warning you now:

Behave yourselves,

and I mean it.
Now, go on.

Get. Get. Get.

-Come on, Elbert Moses.

-Doc.
-Festus.

-Well, this here's quite a day,
ain't it?

-Well, I hadn't notice
it was much different

than any other day.

-Doc, don't you realize
that this here is a holiday?

-Oh, it is?
What -- what holiday?

-Well, it's
Thomas Jefferson's birthday,

the third president
of these here United States.

-Oh, I know who
Thomas Jefferson was,

but I didn't know
it was his birthday.

-Well, Doc,
I'm surprised at you.

You mean you ain't had
the feeling

that there's a kind
of a celebrating

by some folks in the air?

-Nope.

I ain't had that type
of a feeling.

Where did you get this
information about

Thomas Jefferson's birthday?

-Well, foot.

There's a few thing's a-sticking
in my head, you know.

It ain't so hard
to recomember a certain date,

especially a president.

[ Humming triumphantly ]

-Howdy, Mr. Franks.

Sure is good to see you again.
Real pleasure.

-How you doing, Franks?
Real good to see you.

-Yes, sir.

-You boys going
to make first delivery on time?

-Aw, we won't be a minute
late, Mr. Franks.

We just gonna talk
it over a drink.

-One thing I don't understand

is how you boys
stayed in business,

what with the government, uh,
cleaning out the hills.

-Oh, that was easy.

We just moved our still
down out of the hills.

Secret hiding place.

-Whoa! Phew! No wonder you're
looking for better stuff.

-Don't nobody die from this?

-Prices I charge in here,
they're not looking for taste.

It, uh, hits 'em.

-Um, Mr. Franks?

Uh, we got us kind
of a little problem.

-Not a big one.
Just a little bitty tiny one.

-Just a little one.

-Like you want cash in advance?

-See, I told you
Mr. Frank's going to understand.

-Cash on the barrelhead.

You bring it in,
you get the money.

-You don't figure $50 advance
would be good business?

-Boys, no money.

You can't cut it, tell me.

And I'll go back
to my regular supply.

-Well, Mr. Franks,
you got to look at it

like we kind of partners, huh?

-I'll go along this far --
you boys short of cash?

You bring in the first jug
to prove you're in business,

I'll advance you $50.

-But we need the money now,
Mr. Franks.

-I want that first jug
in here Monday, at the latest.

That'll be 2 bits.

-What?
-Two bits.

-For what?

-For the drinks.

-I got to see you boys
a minute, please.

Please just come down here a
minute so as I can talk to you.

Um, I didn't have much a chance
to talk to your fellas

over there the --
the kids taking up my time

and all, but I'm doing real good
at the school,

with the kids and such,
and, uh, what with Ms. Perkins

going into Haye City
getting herself married...

-What you telling us
about some Ms. Perkins,

wasting our time?

-I'm trying to tell you,

I got a real good chance to be
the regular schoolteacher,

the way
I got with kids and all.

And, um, but what people
be thinking if --

if they find I got me a still
under the school house?

-Somebody'd have
to be just plain stupidity

to go looking
under a schoolhouse for a still!

-And, Elbert Moses,

that's the feller I was
telling you about, Mr. Newly.

Well, um,
we's getting kind of friendly.

I mean, sort of.

-Merry Florene, I have never
in my life seen a woman

act so worried every time
I'd been in town.

-You got to learn
to trust your brother

Elbert Moses more,
Merry Florene.

He's a smart man in all the
thing's he's figured out.

Way Elbert Moses talks, Lordy,

we liable to wind up
owning that fancy saloon,

the Longer Branch.

-Come on, let's go.

-Now, you ain't got no cause
to worry, Merry Florene.

We might some day
own this here whole town,

and then we'll buy you
a better schoolhouse.

Don't you fret now,
you little wart.

-Hey there, Mr. Newly.

-Hiya, Merry Florene.

-How's school going?

-Just fine.

You coming to the school picnic
Sunday?

-Picnic?
-It's just a little something

we giving to kinda

celebrate the -- the kids
getting out for vacation time.

-I might drop by, at that.

-Well, you don't need
to come calling on me.

Just come directly
to the school.

I'll be there busy all morning

helping the church ladies
readyin' things,

so you just come directly
to the picnic,

and, uh, I'll be there.

-Merry Florene, I didn't plan
to call on anybody.

I said I might drop by.

-Mr. Newly,

you ain't embarrassed to be seen
sparking no school teacher,

is you?
-Course not.

-Cause, um,

I ain't got nobody else
liable to themselves jealous,

so you didn't have
to worry about that.

-Oh, I'm not worrying.
I'll be there.

-Mr. Newly, how old you be?

-26 years old.

-My goodness.

When my pa was 26 years old,

he already had hisself a parcel
of kids.

-That so?
-Eight, including me.

How old you think I be?

-Oh, I don't know; 17, 18.

-Eighteen's right, come Sunday.

Won't be long,
folks'll be looking at me

wondering why I
ain't got myself married off.

Well, it ain't cause I ain't
fittin' to be married 'cause

I can sew real good.

And I --
and I cook reasonable well.

And I bring in most $3 a week,
so it wouldn't be like

I wouldn't be a girl pulling
her share of the the plow,

I'd like to say.

-Oh, I'm sure of that.

-Mr. Newly,
you know what I'm thinking?

You just being shy.

Like, um, I'm sort of shy.

Just can't help sort of being
all arms and legs and feet

and all around a feller.

-Merry Florene,
I don't think I'm shy.

-You mean, if,

uh, you's to get ready to sorta
get yourself serious and --

and maybe get married off,

you'd just come out and say it
to a -- a girl

all by yourself?

-I guess that's
just about it, sure.

-Just kind of take
the right time

and the right place,
like they say.

-Mm-hmm.

-Well, um,

I'm staying at Ma Smalley's
boarding place.

Guess you know that.

And, um, she don't object to --

to men friends calling, none.

I mean, if they sort of be,
like, you know,

real good folks, and, uh,

and the feller's a quiet one
when --

when they are calling on a girl.

-Quiet?
-Yeah.

Um, I always make myself
a little tea around bedtime,

so um...

You like tea, Mr. Newly?

-Well, I generally drink coffee.

-Oh, well it ain't
no big change from tea to coffee

for me, Mr. Newly.

What time I be seeing you?

-Oh, Merry Florene, I --
I just remembered something.

I got to visit
a sick friend tonight.

-Oh, my goodness.
Can I take him something?

-No. No, as a matter of fact,
uh, he breaks out in hives

when he gets around somebody
of the opposite sex.

He kind of tingles all over.

-I never heard of anybody

getting sick from them kind
of tingles.

I mean, sometimes
I get kind of tingly when a --

a man slips up on me
sudden-like,

but never made me sick.

You know what I mean?

-Merry Florene, Ill see you
over at the --the picnic

Sunday afternoon.

-Oh, Mr. Newly,
that'll just be sparkling.

And you know what?

I'm going to have me
a little ol' picnic basket,

like, to fill up your belly
so you can't stand up.

Bye, Mr. Newly.

[ Sighs ]

-Now, now,
we got to think real hard

and figure out
who's going to loan us the $50.

-Well, that's easy figurin'.

Nobody will lend it.

-Titus, you just
give up too easy.

Now, wait a minute.

Look at this here.

-What does it say?

-Twenty-five dollars reward
for the information

leading to the app--

apprehension of person
or persons unknown

stealing two mules

from the Honeywell Barn.

That's $25
just for the information.

-Sure easy money.

-Well, except for we
need the information.

-Well, go on.
Read some more of that,

where they's giving money away.

-All right.

Here's one for $100.

One hundred dollars reward
for information...

Information, that means they
don't know who done it, right?

-Well, friddle, if they did,

they wouldn't have
to be offering money.

-Something is coming to me,
Uncle Titus.

Something is coming to me.

Come on.

We're going to take us a walk
down the street,

and we going to talk about.

We gonna talk about it
cause it's good.

-Oh, you're just the man
I want to see.

-What about, Doc?

-Where'd you get the idea
that this was

Thomas Jefferson's birthday,
huh?

-You mean it ain't?

-Of course not.
Birthday's April the 13th.

-Hmm.
Well, I didn't miss by much.

This here's only May.

-Well, what brought up the idea

of Thomas Jefferson's Birthday
in the first place?

-Well, I just didn't know, Doc.

You got something against

Thomas Jefferson's birthday,
have you?

-Some--

You're amazing.

Just, oh, just simply amazing.

One of these days,
I'm going to figure out...

Just what, I don't know.

[ Bull lowing ]

-Soon as you say I stole
this bull,

they gonna throw me in jail,
is what they'll do.

-That's just til we
get the reward money,

and get the sugar
and the stuff.

Then I'm going to down
and say it was a mistake,

and then you're gonna be free.

-Elbert Moses, you're
the smartest nephew I got,

and I'm ever so much obliged to
you for making me your partner.

But ain't this kind of
a funny way of being successful?

Going to jail first, I mean?

-Uncle Titus,
have I ever led you wrong?

-First time
we ever was partners.

Let's say you stole the bull,

and I'll collect the money
and buy the sugar and stuff.

-You're just mixing thing's up,
Uncle Titus.

It was my idea, wasn't it?

-Well, where in the world

are we going to hide
as big a thing as a bull?

-Well, it's going
to have to be a safe place

where nobody's going
to think to look in.

Like in the school cellar
where we got the still.

-Oh, Merry Florene
would never stand for that.

-Merry Florene's gonna stand
for what we tell her.

Now, go on.
Get it

Go on, get it.

Come on.
Come on.

-You're a numbskull,
plain and simple.

And animal that valuable
should have had a guard

maintained here.
-But the bull was insured,

Mr. Bishop. Believe me,
you'll suffer no loss.

-Don't tell me about insurance.

I waited 5 years
for that hoofer to age.

He can't be replaced.

-Mr. Bishop, believe me,
I never dreamed anybody

would just walk off with a bull,
especially one like yours.

What, he'd stand out
like a sore thumb.

In fact, Festus
is out there right now

looking over all the pastures.

-I'm giving you exactly
24 hours to recover that animal.

If he isn't returned
by that time,

you're going to be working for
nothing for the next 100 years.

-Boy, I tell you,

that's a real shame,
getting chewed out like that.

-Yeah, wasn't even my fault.

-You know how I'd figure it?

It takes some
pretty little people

to walk off with
that there bull.

In fact, I bet you
that they looking at that bull

where they got it hid right now,

and they wondering what they
are going to do with it.

-Well, yeah,
I -- I was just saying

that he'd stand out
like a sore thumb.

-Well, I mean, they got to be
pretty stupid and pretty mean.

In fact, I bet your going to get
that bull back in no time.

One of them fellers is just
going turn in the other fellers

for the reward.

-What?

-You mean, you ain't put out
no reward yet for the --

for the information
leading to the apprehension

of person or persons unknown
that stole the bull?

-Well, no, but that's an idea.

-Well, you got
nothing to lose.

If that company
don't get the bull back,

they gonna be
out the insurance money.

But they do get the bull back,

what's a measly
$50 to them?

-Yeah.
Hey, that's an idea.

I'll get right down
and tell Festus.

-Good luck to you.

-Well, there she be, Burke.

-Fifty dollar's reward

for information
leading to the apprehension

of person or persons unknown
that stole a prize bull

named Brutus the Third
from the freight office.

Well, I sure hope this works,
Festus.

-Well, the only thing we can do
is just wait and see, Burke.

I did a whole heap
of scoutin' around.

I ain't turned nary a sign
of him, no place.

-Can I see you a minute,
Marshal?

-Deputy Marshal.

And you're looking right smack
dab at me, what do you want?

-Figure we can talk inside?

-Come on.

What'n the for are you acting
so blame skittinish about?

-All night long,
I been thinking about it:

about Uncle Titus being --
being kin and all,

and about blood being
thicker than water, I mean.

-Will you quite flopping
your jaws,

and tell me
what you're trying to tell me?

-Well, you know my Uncle Titus?

-You mean that dumpy
little polecat

you brung into town with you?

What about him?

-He stole the bull. I seen him
go the back street with it.

You see, you're looking at me
like I'm really low.

I mean, I feel terrible
about turning in my own uncle.

But, well,

there's a man's conscience
that you got to live with.

-You telling me

that your onliest uncle
stole this here prize bull?

-Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

-Now, where is this here bull
at now?

-Well, I reckon Uncle Titus be
the only one that can tell you

where he hid it.

And, uh, what about the money?

-What money?

-The reward.
-Well,

you just hold your taters
about this here reward.

I ain't seen me no bull yet.

-Well, you don't need the bull.

You just need the information
leading to the apprehension,

as being caught, of uncle Titus.

Him being the bull thief,
I mean.

-And where is this grubby
little runt at, now?

-Well, he's drinking over
at the Long Branch.

Me and him been drunk most
of last night.

-Huh.
-Wait a minute, Marshal.

-Deputy Marshal,
and get your hands off of me.

Wait for what?

-Well, you got to promise
that you ain't gonna tell nobody

where you got the information.

Information like it
says on the reward poster.

-Well, I reckon I
ain't got to tell nobody.

-And about the reward money,

now, you don't have
to hunt me down to pay it.

You just give it
to the store keeper,

where I'm opening up an account.
-Wait.

-And you can tell him...
-Just wait.

-And nobody else.

-Would you wait a minute?

Now, you're getting
the blame wagon

before the mule
on this reward thing.

I ain't even talked
to your uncle yet.

Knucklehead.

[ Laughter ]

-Well, that old daddy of mine
never even blinked an eyeball.

He just said, "Mister,

you got 3 seconds
to get off this property."

Pay attention when somebody
tells you something around you.

Fellow said, "Ain't nobody
can get through the fence

in 3 seconds."

Well, Daddy says,

"I'll be guaranteeing you,

you just get halfway,

and this here buckshot
will see you the other half."

[ Laughter ]

Why, howdy, Marshal.

-Deputy Marshal,
and I wanna ask you a question.

-I'll buy you a snort
of laudanum.

-I don't want nothing from you,

except'n what of you did
with that bull

you stole
and hid off someplace, hmm?

That there bull
from the freight office,

are you denying that you didn't
purloin off with him last night?

-Last night?

I don't recollect
much about last night, Marshal.

-Are you denying
that you didn't go over yonder

and take that bull?

Where did you get that?

-Brutus the Third.

-Third what?

-You just better have yourself
a good story about how

you got this here bull's chain
strung around your neck.

-I just don't recollect.

-Well, maybe you'll do
a little bit of recollecting

in the jailhouse.

[ Laughter ]

-Y'all be sure
and do your homework, now,

you hear?

-Well, where'd you you get
all this stuff at, Elbert Moses?

-I bought it.
Now, get them doors open

and help me.

-Well, where did you get
all the money?

-It be a long story.

Here, take this.

Start there.

-Well, what's so long a story
you can't tell me?

-Uncle Titus, he be in jail.

-In jail?
-Will you quite howling?

It ain't killing him,
being in jail.

-What's he doing,
being in jail?

-Get that thing down here.

-Elbert Moses...
-Come on, move it!

-You boys are getting
in real trouble again.

Elbert Moses, you best

tell me what Uncle Titus
is doing in jail.

[ Bull lowing ]
What's that?!

-It's called a bull.

-Oh, I know what it's called.

What's it doing
in my school house?

-It's just eating, being happy.

-Elbert Moses!

-It's what Uncle Titus
and me stole.

And there was no other place
to put him.

-Stole?

-My ears are ringing
from your shouting.

-Y'all's keeping a stolen bull
in my schoolhouse?

-I wasn't going
to keep him in my pocket.

-Elbert Moses,
I keep telling you about me

and Mr. Newly getting kind
of friendly in Dodge City.

-Yeah, well you better tell him
he don't treat you good,

he's going to have your brother
on his back.

-Oh, it ain't that at all.

I have a feeling my life
is getting kind of messed up.

-I just told you,
Merry Florene,

anybody start messing up
your life, you just come to me

and Uncle Titus.

Don't you ever forget,
we your kin.

-Marshal!

-Deputy Marshal.
What?

-An awful mistake's been made.

I mean, just awful.
-What mistake?

-Well, my Uncle Titus and me,
we'd been the same.

We'd been drinking.

I takes us a day or 2 fore

we can remember things
in their proper order.

-Well, wait a minute.
What's all this jabbering about?

-About that bull.

Now, I seen him get
walked off that night.

But it wasn't by Uncle Titus.

Well, from the back,
it looked like Uncle Titus.

But it's coming back to me now
that it couldn't have been him.

-Why not?

-Well, it's come back to me

kind of slow because we've been
drinking all that night.

But the stealin' feller,

he was about --

well he -- well he
was about that there high,

and he was -- and he
was about that there wide.

-Wait just a blame minute now.

I latched onto that uncle
of yourn with evidential string

right around his dirty
little ol' neck.

-Well, it -- it's coming
back to me about that, too.

You see, it was me that found
that neckpiece in the street.

And I just kinda, well, hung it

around Uncle Titus' neck,
kind of foolin' ain't around.

-Aw, you're expecting
me to swallow all this?

-Well, there's one way
to prove it.

-Now I ain't saw Uncle Titus
since you put him in jail,

right?

Now, if he says
the same as me, well,

that proves he ain't guilty.

-All right, then.

Just come ahead on.
We'll go find out.

-Well, now, wait a minute,
Marshal.

You forget your promise?

-What promise?

-You said you weren't going
to let on about my telling

on my Uncle Titus.

You gave me your word.

See you directly.

-What's the matter with you?

-Doc, this here
is just plum befuddling.

Now, if this here one feller
says that he --

and -- and then this here --
another feller,

he says that he --

I mean, what and the both of --

when your feller says one thing,
and then you ain't suppose

to tell that this here feller
for tattletaled on another...

-Let me out of here cause
I ain't did nothing.

Hey, Marshal! Let me out of
here! Marshal!

I ain't stole me no bull.
Marshal!

I'm recollecting everything now,

how I got me that neckpiece
around my neck.

My nephew Elbert Moses
put it there.

And it ain't fair,
keeping me all locked up here.

-Hold on.
Are you telling me...

-You just ask Elbert Moses

if I didn't get that neck thing
from him.

Fact, I was with Elbert Moses
all night.

Couldn't have been me
stole the bull.

Hey, uh, mister,
or whoever you are,

tell that Marshal he's got
no right to keep me locked up

unless he's got some proof
I stole the bull.

-Have you got some proof
he stole a bull, or haven't you?

-Well, I did have, Doc,

but then the feller
switched his story on me.

-Who is this feller
lying about on me?

-Who's telling lies about him?

-Yeah, I wanna know
who this feller is.

-I can't say who he is, Doc.

I give him my word
that I wouldn't say

that he tattletaled
on this little muskrat.

-Yup, it sounds to me like you
got everything all messed up,

just like usual.
-Well, Doc...

-Hey, Marshal.
Marshal.

-Doc, what do you think
I oughta do about him?

-Well, don't ask me.
You got a badge on.

You're the Marshal.

-Deputy.
-Burn the place -- Marshal!

Marshal, let me
out of this place.

-Hush up your squalling,
you blame ninny.

-Let me out of this here place.
-I'm going to let you out,

but I'm want to tell you --

now, the first thing

I want you to do is tell
that good-for-nothing nephew

of yourn that I want
to see him on some business.

-Go root him out yourself,
if you're such a good Marshal.

Dadgum...

Maybe I'll get me one of them
law fellers and sue the jail.

-Oh, hush your blabbermouth
and get on out of here.

Matthew, you know,
I sure am glad to see you.

I got me a problem.
-What's the problem?

-Well, this here bull got stole
from the freight office.

And this here feller,
he came to me,

and he said who stoled it.

But he was kinda drunk
when seen it gettin' stoled.

So I ain't suppose
to tell nobody that he

tattletaled on this feller
that he told me stoled the bull.

But then this here feller
that supposed to have

stoled the bull,

and I personally caught him
with that bull's fancy necklace

all strang
around his scrawny little neck,

he says that he can't recollect
not a-stealing the bull.

But then he kind of sobers up,

and like this here feller
that tattletaled on him,

then they both say that --

that this here feller
that suppose to have stoled

the bull
didn't stoled the bull at all.

But then this here feller
that got the $50 reward,

and I'm fixing to climb up

and down his bony carcass
like a ladder

if he don't give it back to me,

he says that this here feller
didn't --

couldn't have stoled the bull,

'cause he hisself personal

found that there bull's necklace
on the ground

and strang it around the scrawny
little ol' neck of this --

this here feller that he

said stoled the bull
in the first place.

You follow me so far?
-Oh, yeah, yeah.

I follow you all right,
Festus, sure.

But I tell you,

I, uh just remembered
I gotta ride up to Smith town.

They wanted to see me
over there.

I got to ride out there
this afternoon.

-Well --
-But look, now,

I'm glad that you got charge
of everything

and you're handling
it all right.

You have any trouble
and you can't handle anything,

well, try to get ahold
of me over there.

Just try.

-Morning, Mr. Festus.

-Morning, Merry Florene.

How is the teachering
coming at your schoolhouse?

-Just fine.

-You'd just be plum surprised
to hear

how many good things folks
are saying about your teaching.

Why, I heard folks say
that they ain't no sense

in sending for no new teacher

with Merry Florene
doing so good.

-Is that the truth, Mr. Festus?
-Of course.

And it wouldn't surprise me none
if you was to be getting asked

to be the regular schoolmarm
in Dodge.

It wouldn't.
-Boy!

Wouldn't that be something?

-Uh, Merry Florene, uh,
if you was to see your brother,

would you tell him
that I'm wantin' to see him?

-You reckon he did something
bad again, Mr. Festus?

-Well, that there would be
kind of hard to say.

Leastwise, it would be
a pretty long story.

-Well, I'll sure tell him
you wants to see him.

-Yes'm.
Obliged.

-Yeah.

-I've never seen an animal
eat so much in my life.

He's making a real hog
of himself.

[ Knocking ]
Merry Florene?

-When are you all going
to rid of that animal?

-We got ideas for him.

-Well, Mr. Festus,
he wants to see you.

-That's fine.
I don't want to see him.

-You sure you boys know
how to make moonshine whiskey?

-Ain't nothing to it.

Just mix in a little sugar,
a little mash,

put in a little of this,

a little of that, and then it
cook 'til it bubbles.

-Well it don't look
like nothing

I ever seen before in any still.

You said you had some ideas
about that there bull.

What ideas?

-Well it wouldn't take
about 20 minutes

to turn him into sides of beef.

Keep us in meat all winter.

-But that there's dishonest.

-We gonna take him back, now.

Don't you fret none.

-But you all don't understand.

-Oh, what you acting
like a crazy woman for?

-Here I got my chance
to be a regular school teacher,

and you all are just
gonna be spoiling it for me.

-We ain't gonna
spoil nothing, Merry Florene.

-Here, blow on that.

-You all's gonna get caught,
and I'm gonna get the blame.

Then what's Mr. Newly gonna
think of me, then?

-There ain't nobody going
to catch us, Merry Florene.

-I never had nice boyfriend
like Mr. Newly before.

And maybe I have a chance
to get married and everything.

-All right, Merry Florene.

All right.

I tell you what we going to do.

We going to move this still
out of here before Monday.

We just gonna make us one jug
to prove this saloon feller

that we be in business,

and then we gonna move
our still someplace else.

All right?

You ain't going to find
here nothing at all on Monday.

-You boys wouldn't be
fooling me, would you?

-You sound like you
don't trust us, Merry Florene.

-Well you boys keep in mind
that I got me a real good chance

to be a schoolteacher
and marry up with Mr. Newly.

-We be keeping it mind,
Merry Florene.

Oh, all girls
want to get married.

But all they get's babies.

It don't make sense.

-Just ain't nothing like a
school picnic, is there, Newly?

Let's you and me
get in the sack race.

Want to?
-Mr. Newly!

I see you got here on time.
-Merry Florene.

-Mr. Festus.

I got us made up some, um,
some apricot pie,

and chicken,

and hard boiled eggs
and, uh, sour pickles.

-Merry Florene,
if you don't quit talking

about them larapin' vittles,

I'm going to eat clean
through that basket myself.

-Festus, if you'd like to...

I mean, if you're hungry.

-No, No, Newly.

Now, I ain't fixin' to bust
in on no sparkin' party

betwixt you and Merry Florene.

-Sparkin'?

-I'll see you
at the meeting place, Mr. Newly.

-Meeting place?

-Well, she's, uh,

probably talking about
Love Bug Holler

down yonder by the lake.

You know,
where a feller can take a female

and get sparks to fare thee
well, chomp on vittles and...

-Never mind, Festus.

I know what you're talking
about.

-Bet you that.

[ Knocking ]

-Merry Florene?
-What?

You boys promised me

you was going
to get started packing today.

-Well, we figured on it,
Merry Florene.

We got us a problem.

Now, we been tasting,
and we been mixing.

But Uncle Titus and me, we
ain't to expert on the tasting.

-Now, drinking,
we do all right.

-So, what you want me to do?

-Well, we want you to taste
what we got.

-But I ain't never
drunk no liquor before.

-It ain't hard to drink.

-Now, Merry Florene,
this is really important.

When we take that jug of liquor
into the saloon feller tonight,

if he don't like it, we're going
to be out of business right off.

That means no new shack
for Uncle Finnie.

-I just gotta taste it?

-Yeah, to see if we got

maybe to much of this or that
mixed in.

-Go on.

-Going down kinda smooth?

Huh?

-Uh,

what's that bubbling stuff?

-Uh, well, uh, that's
this'n'that we put in it.

Now, go on.
Take another.

-It tickles.
-Here.

Put some of this in it.

-What was that stuff?

-That's
what they call a mix-in.

-Our liquor's going
to be more different

that anybody else's.

-Yeah, like being known
for making real fancy liquor.

Go on, take another swallow
or two.

-Oh, phew, that liquor stuff,

that, uh, that mix stuff kind
of burns.

-That's what Ambrose Isaac
uses on his mule

to doctor him when he's sick.

-What?

-Well we seen ol' Ambrose drink
it, too, didn't we?

We done seen him do it,

ol' Ambrose
just chug-a-lug it right down.

-Well,
you didn't drink anything.

-Come on, take another drink.

Let us know if there's a great,
big ol' sock to it.

Go on.

-Whoa, it tastes better.

-It tastes better.

[ Laughing, bull lows ]

Well, it must be good, then.

Here's to Uncle Finnie
and his new shack.

He's going to get it quick,
isn't he?

Cause this is good.
He's going to get it right away.

-Honestly it goes down --
[ Bull lowing ]

It's burning all the way
down my stomach.

-It's good.

Woo!

-I'm going to need
another snort of this laudanum.

-Merry Florene.

-Were you getting impatient,
Mr. Newly?

-No, as a matter of fact,
I'm not even very hungry yet.

-Me, neither.

I'm not hungry either,
Mr. Newly.

At that surprising?

-Surprising?

-Well, the fact
that we always kind of

have a meeting of the minds.

Like, you ain't being hungry,
me, neither.

[ Giggles, hiccups ]

-Merry Florene, are you sure
you're feeling all right?

-Mr. Newly, all of a sudden,

I'm seeing you in a different
light, like they say.

-You are?

-Um, you keep saying you ain't,

but I'm saying you got
a powerful problem being shy.

-Look, maybe we oughta join
the others back at the school.

-Mr. Newly, like, that, uh,

that man-friend of yours
you said was sick,

and you had to go visit
last night?

Well, I'm a-figuring

there weren't no man-friend
being sick.

-Well, as a matter of fact --

as a matter of fact,
he was feeling sort of out...

-Mr. Newly...

I got something to tell you.

It's kind of of a secret.

-Well, what is it?

-You promise you
won't tell nobody?

-I -- I promise.

-Mr. Newly, I kind of like you.

[ Giggling ]

Mr. Newly, you know what?

You done forgot
it's my birthday today.

-Congratulations,
Merry Florene.

-Well, being as they ain't
no close kinfolks here to --

to seal it,

I guess that be up to you.

-Up -- up to me?

-Eighteen.
-Eighteen?

-Eighteen kisses.

It's kind of one of them things
we do in the hills.

-Well, now, just a minute.

Just --just --
just hold on, now.

-I'll count while you do it.

One.

-Whoa.

-I love you, Mr. Newly.

-Now look what you gone
and done, woman.

Look what you done, woman.

-I love you
so much, Mr. Newly.

-Where's the salt at, Ethel?

You bring any?

[ Bull lowing ]

Now, that there's a bull
a-bellowing if I ever heard one.

-I told you, this ain't no time
to be takin' him out.

-He was plum peaceful til now.

-Well!
-I'll be.

We -- we found the bull for you,
Marshal.

-And we don't even
want no reward.

-That's right,
we'll turn him over to you.

[ Bull snorting ]

-Easy now.
Easy now, bull.

Easy.

-Ain't no job for me,
being a deputy.

Too blame complicatin'.

[ Laughing ]

-Well, the proof's
in the pudding, as they say.

-Nothing better ever been made.

-Here's to good business.

Why is that bubbling?

-Has got a heap of spirit,
ain't it?

-Yeah!

-That's got it, all right.

Well, I promised you boys
$50 advance.

-That's just about
what the freight office

has got coming back.

And we'll be doing us a little
talking at the jailhouse.

-Well, wait.
-We ain't did nothing, Marshal.

-Deputy.

And we'll be talking
about what you done

on the way to the jailhouse.

-Now, wait a minute, Deputy.

Let's all of us have a drink
here and talk this over.

Now, these boys here haven't,
uh...

[ Pop ]

[ Bubbling ]

I have never seen whiskey bubble
before.

-Well, we -- we could have put
too much aging on it.

-Yeah, it got too much
sweetenin' in it.

-We better be getting
over the jail, Marshal.

You know, if you got anything
to talk to us about...

-Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Hold that back.
Hold back there.

Now, just a minute.

Now, you's two's going
right smack back to them hills

where you come from,
you hear me?

-No jail?

-Oh, I could throw you in jail,
all right.

But I'm going to thinking about
Merry Florene maybe getting

to be the regular schoolteacher
here in Dodge,

and having to own up
to you two for kinfolk.

-You just saying, you ain't got
no proof we done anything wrong.

-Ain't got no proof?

By the time
I got that bull simmered down

and tied to a tree,

I seen you two
with my own eyeballs a-hauling

that still
out of the schoolhouse cellar.

And the next time you poke
your face here in Dodge City,

you're going to a roosting
in that jail

until your chin whiskers

is grown clean
down to your dirty toenails.

Now, get.

-You got any use
for a used still?

I mean, the coil and the lead
pipe will cost you $7.

We'll take 5.
-How about 3?

-Now, get!

-Well, I just don't know
what to say.

-It's our way of welcoming
a new schoolteacher.

-Well, y'all is just so sweet.

-You know, we, um,

we've had problems
keeping new schoolteachers.

They always seem to be
running off and getting married.

[ Laughter ]

-Mathew?
-Yeah, Festus?

-You get all your business
did in Smith town, did you?

-Yeah, pretty much.
How thing's going here?

-Oh, just finer'n frog hair.

Merry Florene got made
the regular schoolteacher

here in Dodge.

-Is that so?
Well, I'm glad to hear it.

She sure deserves a chance.

Uh, what about that other
little problem you had?

Working out all right?

-Oh, worked out plum good,
Mathew.

See, there was this here bull
and these here

two fellers had their still set
up making wobble water,

but I got that $50 reward back.

I want you to know that.

But then there wasn't nothing
I could do to hold them fellers

in the jailhouse.

-Festus, I absolutely
agree with you.

-Well I figured you would,
Mathew.

[ Festus continues
indistinctly ]

-Stay tuned for scenes
from next week's "Gunsmoke."