Original subtitles

♪

[ Gunshot ]

♪

-"Gunsmoke," starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

[ Rock clatters ]

-Jud.

[ Clattering ]

-Oh, Jud. -Yuck!

-He's back again, Deke.

-Yeah, I got eyes.

Put him inside.

Hey, boy, how long's he been in there?

When's he gonna leave?

Sure don't know much for a smart-aleck Indian, do you?

-Ask Jud. Jud knows.

-"Ask Jud."

How many times I gotta tell him not to come around here

showing his face no more?

-Plenty of times, Deke.

-If I told him one time, I told him ten times right up,

"Don't you come around here botherin' Annie."

-Ah, that's just the trouble.

He ain't botherin' Annie.

She don't mind him comin' at all.

-She don't mind. But I'll you somethin'.

I mind. I promised our ma I was gonna hold this family together.

And I ain't about to see no --

no tumbleweed drifter like Jud Pryor changing things.

-Annie's got a right to her own life, Deke.

-She's got a right?

I'll tell you what she's got a right to.

She's our sister. And she's obliged

to tend for us, just like our ma done.

That's what womenfolks is for,

doin' for the men in their family.

And that means you and me.

-Seems like it's time to move on.

-I love you, Jud.

-I think maybe you do. Might be why I gotta move on.

-You afraid of love, Jud?

-Oh, I don't mind it.

-Just that preacher and the settlin' down after.

-[ Scoffs ] Just not my way.

-Where you bound to?

-Oh, just off and away, no special place.

-Jud, you goin' to another woman?

-Annie, women find me like good cards and bad whiskey.

I'll tell you this, though. I got no one in mind.

-I shouldn't have asked.

-Ah, Annie, I told you right out from the start.

-I know.

But maybe, when you get away,

you might remember me more than you think.

-I'll remember you.

-And you might come back.

-I almost never travel the same road twice.

-Might have been a short marriage anyway.

Deke swore to kill you.

-He's said that to everybody but me.

-Well, you go now. Will you, Jud?

I gotta get used to being without you.

-Yeah, Annie, you, uh, take care of yourself?

-You too, Jud.

-Ready to ride? -Been ready.

-Well, let's go.

How do, brothers?

-I ain't never letting him back on this farm again.

-How we gonna stop him, Deke?

-There's ways, brother.

Believe you me, there's ways.

♪

♪

-Hey!

-Whoa, just lookin' back, that's all.

-Dumb.

-Uh, I don't know.

-Dumb. -Ah.

You didn't like her, huh?

Ah, she was always mighty nice to you.

-Kissin'!

-Oh, well, that can be mighty nice.

Well, won't be more than a couple of years.

You're gonna find out life ain't all bows and arrows, boy.

And women, uh, well, girls, they make good company...

now and again.

-Dumb.

-Yeah, well, I guess it was time to move on anyway.

-Ride, hunt. -Well, I don't know.

Seems like it's been a while since poker and whiskey.

Yeah, we'll go to Dodge, pick up our gear.

-Woman in Dodge!

-Oh, yeah. [ Laughs ]

-You ain't nothin' but a poor, old, mean piker.

All of you are. -I'm no piker

just because I don't wanna pick up any crawdads, I don't --

-Well, how else we gonna have us a crawdad fry less'n

we go down yonder and glom onto 'em with our hands, goin'...

-Well, that crawdad fry was your idea.

I didn't have anything to do with that.

-Well, Doc, they ain't gonna hurt you.

Them little ol'... -Well, they do too.

They pinch you. You pick 'em up.

And they pinch you. -Oh, fiddle.

All's they can do is just maybe

pinch a little old blood blister on your finger

or somethin' that like that. They ain't gonna hurt --

-I just don't like creepy-crawly things.

That's all. -Creepy-crawly?

-Yes, crawdads are, uh, they creep --

-Well, if I'd a-know'd you

was gonna be so squeamy, I'd have never --

-Squeamy? -Squeamy.

-I can think of think of a few things.

I can think of something you're pretty squeamy about right now.

-Well, what? -What about the Wednesday night

special over at Delmonico's?

What about that, uh-huh?

-Well, that ain't fair. -You see?

You see? You're gettin' a little pale

around the gills just thinkin' about it.

Now there's nothing wrong with a nice plate

of boiled calves' brains -- -Quit, Doc,

I ain't gonna listen. I ain't --

-The way they serve it over -- -I ain't listenin'.

-If you take boiled calves' brains and --

♪ Flies above the gum stump

♪ Chicken up a tree Turkey in the feed bed ♪

♪ Peckin' on a pea I ain't gonna listen ♪

♪ And you can't make me I ain't... ♪

You might as well hush your mouth.

I ain't listenin' to one word you're sayin', so just quit.

Doc?

[ Men laughing, indistinct conversations ]

-Oh, hi, Wonder. Whose move is it?

-Jud's. -It is?

-Come on, Jud, move. -All right.

Howdy, Doc. -Hi, Jud.

-Come on, jump, jump. -Jump, you gotta jump, Jud.

-Ha ha!

-Dumb.

-Good boy! [ Men shouting, cheering ]

-Come on! Come on! -Man, I'm all sweaty.

-Oh, oh, oh. -Come on, Fred.

Come on, Fred. -Never mind the beer, come on.

Put it down! -Come on, kid!

-Oh! [ Shouting continues ]

[ Cheering ]

-Okay, now come on! I'll take on any two of you!

-Would you like a cold beer, Doc?

-Well, whiskey'd suit me better, if it's on the house.

-It's on the house.

-Thanks, Kitty.

[ Chuckles ]

-Does your chucklin' have anything to do with crawdads?

-Exactly.

-Well, um, Festus told me that you and he

were gonna go out and catch some and that we were all gonna

have a great big crawdad fry.

-Yes, well, you see, that is before he changed his mind.

He kind of lost his appetite.

-What are you talkin' about?

-Well, I think I'll let him tell you,

that is, as soon as he recovers.

Thanks.

-Ed.

-Hey, Deke, you wanna arm-wrestle? Loser buys.

-How would you like to make $50?

-How would you like to sit down and talk?

-Wonder, go get me a beer.

You heard me, move.

-Watch this.

Oh, now, lookee what I done.

-Oh, you're trying to get me to swing at you, ain't you, Bo?

-Well, now, if you want to swing, go ahead.

-Ooh, now, I don't know.

You're a lot tougher and stronger than I am.

A man would be surely be a fool to tangle with you.

[ Breathes sharply ] I guess I qualify.

-Ooh!

-Wonder, where's that beer?

Hi, Matt.

-All right. Hold it.

Who started this? -He did.

I just bumped into his table, and he started poundin' on me.

-Yeah, well, I guess I did swing first, Matt, but, oh...

-All right, Jud. Come on along.

-[ Laughs ] Come on, Bo, I'll buy you a drink.

Excuse me, Doc.

-[ Sighs ]

Glad to see nothing's changed.

Been a couple of months since I was in here.

-Yeah, seems to me you lost that fight too.

How'd you happen to pick on Bo?

That's like tangling with a grizzly.

-Oh, Matt, it didn't matter who started that fight,

bound to come.

Besides, that scuffle wasn't between me and Bo.

Oh, no.

[ Sighs ]

Between me and all the things

that have been crowdin' in on me lately,

pretty little gal who wants to hog-tie me,

couple of old boys just as soon see me dead.

Things is complex, Matt, mighty complex.

-Well, you're gonna be out of here tomorrow morning.

You better start making them uncomplex.

-Oh, I'll do what I always do, move on.

[ Key clattering ]

-Ah, a man like me just can't stay any one place too long.

That's all there is to it.

Let a little time go by,

and people just naturally start askin' favors or givin' orders.

Well, I ain't about to live that way.

You know the only person I ever met who thinks like me?

That kid I found outside Fort Dodge, Wonder.

-Where'd you ever get a name like that, anyway?

-I always wondered where he came from.

-You gonna take him with you?

-As far as the mission school.

Uh, I'll leave him there.

About time he learned to read more than trail markings.

-Jud?

-How long you been out there, boy?

-Just now.

-Well, say howdy to Marshal Dillon.

-Howdy.

-Howdy, Wonder.

-I got you a beer and your hat, Jud.

-I am afraid there's rules against beer in here.

-You got rules against hat?

-Nope, hats are allowed.

-Ah...

Good thinkin', Wonder. Sure hate to lose this.

Near as old as I am.

Oh, look, don't let me bein' in here bother you.

Heck, I'll be out tomorrow morning.

-What we going to do then, Jud?

-Well, I been thinkin' it's time we moved on a little ways.

-How far you and me going, Jud?

-Wonder, you got more questions than a hound dog's got fleas.

-You and me always friends,

huh?

-Sure.

-Always together, huh?

-Wonder...

oh, this, uh...

this always you're talking about,

well, uh -- uh, a man can't say

just what's going to be good for always

'cause he just don't know.

-You say my mother and God, like this, always.

You know always then.

-Yeah -- yeah, I -- I -- I did say that, and it's true.

Your ma and God ain't never gonna be apart.

-We're like them, huh?

-Well, uh, that -- that there is just the point.

See, uh, God, he's forever like I told you.

But people, even the best of them,

they're just for a little while.

Hey, hey, Wonder, you wanna sleep here tonight?

That way, we'll get an early start, mm-hmm.

What do you say?

Uh, better take that tin of beer back to the saloon,

or else Marshal Dillon's gonna lock you up too!

See you later, huh?

-Like you say, Jud...

people just a little while.

[ Door closes ]

-[ Laughs ] Yeah.

Guess he likes Dodge, don't wanna leave.

-That's the way you, uh, figure it, is it?

-Aw, don't worry about old Wonder.

He's tough, just like me.

-Gonna look around for him?

-Why should I? He goes his way. I go mine.

Matt...

if you run into him, see to it he learns to read, will you?

♪

-Didn't you and me settle up yesterday?

-I just wanted to see if you had enough sense

to follow orders and ride out.

-Orders.

If only you hadn't said that, 'cause I ain't ridin'

anywhere for anybody on account of I've been ordered.

-What I'm sayin' is right.

-No, you might be talkin' sense.

But ain't no man ever been right with me in that tone of voice.

-Get him!

-Ha!

[ Grunting, punches landing ]

-Hey -- -[ Grunting ]

-Hey, now, hold on, Deke.

-You don't scare off no varmint.

You trap it and you kill it.

-[ Grunting ]

♪

-Ah!

Ah...uh!

-Come on.

♪

-Gotcha.

Uh-huh.

Good little mouthful.

[ Humming ]

[ Continues humming ]

-Ow!

You little scamp.

Figures I'd get nipped.

[ Rustling ]

-Jud hurt, you come.

-What do you mean, Jud's hurt?

-Three men hurt Jud, maybe kill.

You come now. We go.

-Wait a minute, now, hold your horses here.

-Horse's out front.

-Huh, wh -- what horse is out front?

-Your horse, horse for Wonder, you come.

-We find Jud.

-All right. All right.

I'll put 'em on. I'll do it.

By golly,

if there'd been more Indians like you around 30 years ago,

the white man would've never got past the Mississippi River.

[ Grunts ]

-Hurry. -All right.

I'm coming.

Wonder.

You tell that man at the stable you'd taken the horses?

-No, man sleep.

-Jud and three fellows, they fight here.

-Did they fight with guns, Wonder?

-No guns, just hitting.

One of the fellows, Jud hits.

He get rope to hang him.

-Did you know any of 'em?

-Annie's brothers and big, arm-pushing fellow.

-Yeah, that'd be Bo Warrick.

Now, look, Wonder, you know, just because this rope is here

doesn't mean that Jud's been killed.

-Maybe dead.

-Well, maybe not.

-You know, Jud's pretty smart.

Now, if he did get away, where do you suppose he'd go?

-Wonder show. You come.

-Well, did he die quick? Or did it take him a long time?

-I don't know. Hey, gimme that, will ya?

-What do you mean, you don't know?

You don't know? You was there, wasn't you?

-Quick, he died quick. -[ Chuckles ]

I wish I'd have seen it. [ Chuckles ]

-Well, we didn't know how long you was gonna be

knocked out, Deke.

People could have come along, you know?

-Yeah, I know, but still.

His neck broke, huh?

-Oh, like a dry twig.

-You got rid of his horse and everything?

-Leave me be. -Look,

I'm just trying to make sure that everything went all right.

You understand that? -It went fine!

His neck broke, snap!

His tongue hung out black like a cow's belly.

-They killed Jud.

-Oh, not necessarily.

Just 'cause we found that rope doesn't mean he's dead,

you know?

-If Jud not with Willy,

that mean he dead.

Then we go to Annie's place and wait for them fellows.

-Yeah, we'll talk to 'em.

-When we find them, Wonder kill!

-Now, hold on.

-Jud is Wonder's friend.

Wonder kill for Jud! -Now, Wonder,

let's not have any more talk about killin', huh?

-Okay, Dillon, no more talk.

-Yeah -- yeah, I know, boy.

I've been pushin' at you.

You come through for me, Ed.

I -- I'm obliged to you.

[ Pats back ] Good boy.

-Well, before you two fall all over each other,

I think I'll be goin' --

after I get my money.

-Yeah, right, Bo, you, uh, you done your share.

I'll get your money.

-About $100 worth.

-Fifty was the deal.

-But I didn't know nothin' about hangin' some guy.

Now that's a whole different thing.

Hundred dollars, Deke. That's only fair,

and you know it.

-Hundred dollars?

Bo, don't you try to gouge me.

-No, I ain't.

But killin' a man's worth more than $50.

Anybody'll tell you that.

-Hundred dollars, it's an awful lot of money.

-Don't do it, Deke.

-Well, now, there's something to what he says.

After all, we didn't mention no hangin' now.

-Deke, we can't afford $100.

-Appears to me we got to afford it.

-Deke, he's tryin' to cheat you.

-How do you figure that?

-We didn't hang Jud Pryor. That's how I figured it.

-Say it again.

-We didn't hang him.

We just let him ride on.

-Well, I know who I shoulda hung.

-Now, you shut up! This is between me and Ed.

-No. It's between you and Ed after I get paid.

You said get rid of Jud Pryor.

Well, he's rid of. Now, I want my money.

-You got a sow's belly and a snail's guts.

-Now, don't make me get mean, Deke.

Well, now, that just cost you

every tooth in your head.

[ Grunting ]

[ Clattering ]

-[ Grunting ]

-Stop it!

-Uh...ah --

[ Grunting continues ]

-Ah! Ah! Aah!

-Lord, Deke!

I killed him.

♪

-[ Panting ]

-Come on.

-Fellow knows how to steal horse.

Fellow knows how to get down.

-This where he does most of his drinkin', in here?

-Drink, play cards, fight -- always fun like that.

-Well, I think I'll just go in and ask 'em a few questions.

You stay here. -I've been there plenty a-time.

-Yeah, I'll bet you have.

But you're not going in this time.

That's no place for a boy.

-When I tell Jud, he's going to beat you up.

When we find him.

-We'll find him.

-I'm looking for a man by the name of Jud Pryor.

Beg your pardon, I, uh...

There's a man named, uh, Jud Pryor.

Did you ever hear of him?

-In my way, why?

-How long since you seen him?

-Oh, it's been quite a while.

We wasn't exactly what you'd call betrothed, you know?

Jud's trouble big enough for a U.S. marshal, huh?

-Well, he may be in big trouble.

Near as I know, there's a couple of men looking to kill him,

if they haven't already.

-Is that so?

-Well, you don't seem very surprised.

-Come on, now, honey.

What's gonna surprise me?

Jud drank good, pokered good.

And I venture to say I wasn't the first woman he ever met.

A man can get killed doing any one of them things too good.

-So you don't know anything about this, huh?

-I don't get around much.

-Well, thanks for your help.

[ Door opens ]

[ Door closes ]

-Hey, Dillon!

-Hey, I think I told you to stay put, didn't I?

-I think so too.

But I had to come down here on account

of holding Annie's horse.

-Wonder,

what are you doing here?

-Hello, Annie. -Marshal?

Aren't you a little far from Dodge City?

Did Jud break out of jail?

-No, but we're looking for him.

-On account of your brothers and fat arm-pushing fellow

killing Jud maybe.

-What?

-Well, he saw them attack Jud yesterday.

And we haven't been able to locate him.

-He wouldn't.

They couldn't kill Jud.

-I saw.

-You know where they are?

-At the farm, the -- the both of them, with Bo Warrick.

-Well, I'll head out there. -Come on!

-No -- no, you're gonna stay here.

You're gonna stay right here with Annie till I get back.

-With Annie? -With Annie.

Now, I'll tell you what.

If I'm wrong about leaving you here with Annie,

why, when we find Jud, you can have him beat me up.

How's that?

-Yeah!

♪

-He can't be dead, Wonder.

-You like Jud.

-I'm probably the only person in the world

who loves Jud as much as you do.

[ Shovel digging ]

[ Hammer clicks ]

-All right. Hold it right there.

-Well, I know we shouldn't have tried to hide this.

I know we shouldn't.

But you gotta understand, Marshal.

The only reason we done this is to save Annie from knowin'.

She purely loves that no-good Jud Pryor.

-Now, what's Jud got to do with this?

-What's he got to do with it?

Well, he's the one that killed poor old Bo here.

-What happened?

-Well, there ain't much to tell.

Ed and me was workin' out in the field.

And we heard this commotion down by the orchard.

And, well, we come a-runnin'.

And when we got there, Bo was layin' on the ground

and Jud was ridin' off.

I guess Jud was just tryin'

to get even with Bo for the whoopin'

that he give him in the saloon the other day, don't you figure?

-Go on. -Well, Ed and me was afoot.

So we couldn't, uh, we couldn't chase him.

And we got to thinkin', by the time

we saddled up and got to you, he'd be plumb gone.

You'd never catch up with him, so...

And I know we's wrong for doing it.

We -- we decided to bury Bo

and save Annie from all that heartbreak.

But I guess a thing like this just can't never be hid, can it?

-And you're sure it was Jud? -Oh, I'd swear to it.

-That what you saw too, Ed?

-Yeah, I...

Same thing as Deke.

-I guess, uh, you'll be chasin' after him now, won't you,

Marshal, what with two witnesses to what he done?

-Well, I'm gonna find Jud, all right,

and bring him back and get this thing straightened around.

It just so happens I got a witness of my own,

an Indian boy that claims

he saw you two trying to kill Jud yesterday,

and maybe did kill him.

-Oh, that's impossible.

Now, we know for a fact Jud was alive.

We seen him, remember?

Besides that, there ain't no way

no Indian can testify in a white man's court, can he?

-Yes, they can, Deke. -Well, it --

it don't make difference 'cause the boy's mistaken.

That's all there is to it.

Marshal, you want us to give you a hand?

Just tryin' to be helpful.

-Fill up that grave and get that body into town.

-You know, that marshal's a good tracker.

He's gonna bring Jud back.

That means you're liable to end up in the stony lonesome, Ed.

-Me?

-It was you that killed Bo, wasn't it?

-But, Deke, it -- it was an accident.

-You don't think the marshal's gonna believe that after seein'

us tryin' to bury him, do you? -Deke.

-That no-good cowboy's gonna come back and marry Annie.

And I ain't gonna have no family left at all.

You know, people's gonna be right angry at Jud

for gunnin' down the marshal.

-Wouldn't a sarsaparilla taste good?

-Beer!

-Beer?

Why, you're too young to be drinking beer.

-Jud let me have sips.

-Well, he shouldn't've.

Now, here's a dime.

Now, you go buy us two sarsaparillas.

-Sarsaparillas?

-Sarsaparillas.

-Doggone it, not so tight, Willy.

-If the bandage isn't tight, it won't help.

Your ribs are really banged up.

-Well, they are now.

-Jud?

Hey, Jud?

-Wonder, what the devil are you doin' here, boy?

-Jud, I thought them fellas...

[ Gasps ]

-Good to see you again, boy.

Hey...

-[ Sniffling ]

-Oh, you got dirt in your eye or somethin'.

That better?

-I see them try to hurt you, Jud.

-Ah, they see you?

-That's how come I find you,

on account of they're gonna hurt me if I go back.

So I got to stay with you, I guess, huh?

-Uh, Deke's just rank enough to mean it too.

-You and me again, huh?

-Yeah,

that's the one good thing about this whole mess,

you and me.

Come on, let's get goin'. [ Groans ]

-I know he came in here. Now,

what have you done with him?

-For all I know, he's back dealing keno, now, honey.

-[ Huffs ]

-You didn't tell me Annie was here.

-She don't want to hurt you.

-No, she wants to marry me.

And that ain't much of a choice.

-What's in that room up there?

-Never you mind about that room.

-Well, I'm gonna see what's in there.

Heaven knows what you've done to the boy.

-You -- you come back here.

Now, that's just none of your business.

I said stop it, now.

Stay outta that room.

-Uh, bye, Annie. Love you lots.

-But Jud wouldn't kill anyone, Marshal.

-Your brothers say he did.

-You believe them?

-Well, no, but the charge has been made.

And I've got to bring him in, Annie.

-Well, I'm sorry,

but I didn't see which way they went.

-Annie, if I don't find Jud right now,

I'm gonna have to put out a wanted poster on him.

Once that happens, he'll never be able to stop running.

Now, you say you love him, prove it.

Which way did they go?

-They rode south, Marshal.

-Uh, gonna be clear tomorrow.

We can make time.

-Where we heading for, Jud?

-Oh, Lord, boy, I don't know.

-Someplace where we gonna be alone?

-Being alone.

Well, now, Wonder, I'll tell you,

I guess that sounds mighty fine to you, don't it?

I can understand that well enough.

You know, I been eating off that plate for near

as long as I can remember.

And sometimes, I think I just about ate my fill.

-Friends can't be alone, Jud.

-Oh, Wonder, I don't know.

But sometimes, uh,

sometimes, boy, I --

I swear, if God was to come down here right now and say, "Jud,

you can go on livin' the way you do for another 80 years,

or you can check out right now, but with a woman holding you,

talkin' soft,

her eyes all shiny with tears.

You can have it either way," Wonder,

I purely don't know what I'd say to the man.

I think I'd be stumped.

[ Rustling ]

-Hello, Jud.

-Hi, Matt.

Matt, if you, uh, come for the boy,

you gotta protect him from Deke Franklin.

-Well, I came for both of you, Jud.

You've been charged with murder.

-Murder?

-Franklin boys say you killed Bo Warrick.

-That's a lie!

-Well, it probably is.

The way to clear it up is for you to come back.

-Matt, I'm a drifter. Nobody's gonna believe me.

-I believe you, Jud.

-Then let me go.

You rode out lookin' for me and lost the trail.

That's all. Nobody's gonna doubt you.

-Ah, you know I can't do that.

-Jud, how come?

-Nothing to worry about, Wonder.

We just gotta go back to Dodge for a while.

We'll be on our way again real quick.

-For sure?

-Yeah, for sure.

Matt, there's coffee on the fire if you want some.

-Thanks.

-A man comes into this world naked, wet and starving.

After that, things get worse.

♪

-Ed? -I -- I found them.

Yeah, Dillon's got them down there.

He's takin' them back tomorrow mornin'.

-Good, that means they got to go through Stone Canyon.

We'll get Dillon there.

-I, uh... Deke, look,

this ain't anything like what happened to Bo.

I mean, we didn't mean any real harm then.

But this, according to book law,

according to church law or anything,

just plain murder.

-It's keepin' the family the way Ma and Pa would want.

Now, go on, get some sleep.

-How did it get this far?

Look, we just started out tryin' to scare off Jud Pryor.

And now, tomorrow morning, we're gonna kill a U.S. marshal.

-Now, don't you think about tomorrow morning.

You think about after that.

Come noon, it'll all be done.

Things'll be just like they always was.

-Yeah, you sure of that?

-I'm gonna make sure.

And I guess that's the same thing.

♪

-Ed, they gonna be comin' from that way.

You take first crack at him.

You miss, he's gonna come after you.

When he does, I'll get him from up there.

-You mean, shoot him in the back?

-Well, now, look, it don't make no difference

which side the bullet hits first.

He's gonna be just as dead.

[ Chuckles ]

♪

[ Horses blustering ]

-Now, Ed.

Now.

Shoot him, Ed. Shoot him.

-Get out of here!

Save yourself!

-Hurt bad?

-It's bad enough, Wonder.

-Well, he said come noon, it'd be all over.

-You come. We fix.

-We? Who's we?

-Me, Jud, Annie.

-[ Chuckles ]

By golly, I'll bet you could do it too.

[ Groaning ]

-You come, Dillon.

You come.

-Evening, Doc.

-Hello, Festus.

-I just got back from old Rooksfer place.

-Oh, that so? -Yeah, you know, Jud and Annie

and Wonder have just patched that up and dolled it up

till you couldn't hardly recognize it at all.

And -- and Annie says that Wonder, he's in school.

She don't think he likes it too good.

But she figures he might stick with it.

-You know, I don't think you oughta gone out there at all.

-Well, why? -Because they're newlyweds.

They'd kinda like to be left alone.

-Well, not when they're diggin' no ditch, they don't.

Me and Jud's been a-diggin' a ditch all day

from the pond over to Annie's vegetable garden.

-So that's it, huh?

-What's it?

-That's what's in the sack.

-All right, smart aleck.

What's in the sack?

-Crawdads that you found in the Rooksfers' pond.

That's what in the sack. But the question is,

what in thunder are doing with them up here

at this time of night in my office?

-Now, I wanted to tell you about that, Doc.

You see, my mouth's just been a-waterin' all day

somethin' fierce for some fried crawdads.

Well, now, when I got back to town, well,

you see, Matthew, he's done asleep at the jailhouse.

Now, Delmonico's, it's done closed.

And rather than to wake up Ma Smalley at this hour,

well, I just... -Yeah, you just thought

you'd just bring them up to old Doc's

and he'd say, "Go ahead and fix 'em right here."

-Yeah, well, much obliged, Doc.

Now, I ain't gonna bother you none, knowin'

how you feel about 'em.

But have you got a big pot someplace

where I can start to boil 'em? -You're not gonna do it.

-Well, you gotta boil 'em 'fore you shuck em.

And then you fry 'em. Don't you see?

-You're not gonna boil or shuck or fry any crawdads up here.

Now, get 'em outta here. -Why not?

-Because this happens to be a doctor's office.

That's why. This is where I treat the sick.

And you're not gonna have it smelling like a fish market.

Now, get 'em out of here.

-All right, sorehead. I'm goin'.

-Look what you've -- Now, here, pick those up!

You spilled it. Now you pick them up,

every last one of em. Pick 'em up!

-Just hold your taters.

I'll pick 'em up.

I'll pick every last one of 'em up.

And I'll take 'em with me.

And I'll fry 'em.

And I'll eat 'em all.

I'll invite Miss Kitty and Matthew.

And me and them is gonna eat every last one of 'em.

And we ain't gonna bother you no more, Mr. Squeamy.

-Well, that's perfectly all right if --

if you wanna be selfish about it.

-Selfish? -Sure,

you got enough crawdads there for a whole army.

If you wanna eat, it so happens I kinda like 'em.

-Just last week, you told me that they was creepy-crawlies

and that you didn't like 'em.

-Well, I didn't say I didn't like to eat 'em.

I think they're delicious.

I don't know of anything that I like better than fried crawdads

unless maybe it's a nice, great, big plate

of boiled calves' brains and horseradish.

Now, you talk about a delicacy.

Just give me a -- a plate of boiled calves' brains

and horseradish.

[ Door slams ]

♪

-Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "Gunsmoke."

♪