Original subtitles

♪

-Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

[ Neighs ]

-Oh, yeah.

Uh, I got it here someplace.

-He's the one?

-He's young for a doctor.

-Traveling with a pretty lady always makes a trip seem short.

Newly, ma'am. Newly O'Brian.

If pretty lady sounded wrong, I'm sorry.

I mean, I was just tryin' to be neighborly like you folks

put it out this way.

-Mind if I ride up top with you, old-timer?

-Well, if you don't mind gettin' your ear talked off,

come right along.

Hyah! Giddyup!

-The ticket I bought

said I'm entitled to a full seat.

-What the lady means is she'd feel more comfortable

if you, uh, sat a little closer to your own window.

You'd probably feel more comfortable yourself.

-I will decide, uh, where I sit, señor.

-I'll say this, I don't think I could sit here all the way

to Dodge and watch the lady being annoyed.

That leaves me the choice of getting off the stage

and catching the next one or throwing you off.

I don't know whether you're a gambling man or not,

but don't take odds it won't be me staying aboard.

-You said what, señor?

-I said you're about three seconds

from landing on your head

if you don't sit over on your side of the seat.

Sure is nice country out here.

A man could sure spread himself.

I'm new to the West.

I'm from Pennsylvania.

-I never woulda guessed.

-[ Chuckles ]

-Well, not back in '54.

No, sirree. It meant a man's scalp

if he didn't have one of them shotguns up in front.

And one in back too.

-Very interesting.

-Oh, I could tell you some stories.

The way the Indians used to come up with pretties

so they could waylay the freight run comin' from Beaver Creek.

-Work ahead.

We'll turn right to the north.

-Oh, no, no.

We turn left.

Be just inside the 40 miles to Dodge when we make that fork.

-Let's do it my way for now.

♪

-Maybe you didn't notice, mister,

but we ain't carryin' no cash box.

-I noticed.

I'll take those reins now, old-timer.

-Nobody takes these reins. -I'll take them, I said.

-[ Cries out ]

♪

-Get up! Yah! Go!

♪

♪

-Hyah! Hyah!

-We've turned off the main road.

-Now, the question of where and how I sit, señor,

and also something about

somebody falling on their head in the middle of the road, huh?

-Where's this stage headed?

-Sometimes, a surprise is more better.

-We're carrying nothing but passengers: no mail,

no gold I know of.

I don't think the resale value of stages is that high.

Leaves abduction.

-Abduction?

For what purpose?

-That is a delicate question.

-What are you doin'?

-Well, I think it's a good idea for someone

not to see where one goes because, you know,

you may wanna come back, and that's no good.

-I imagine, ma'am, there's some sort of a hideaway

we're not supposed to see.

Excuse me, but are you by some chance

rich enough to warrant a ransom being paid?

-Well, I sure don't have enough

to warrant them goin' to all this trouble.

-Meal money and stage fare to Dodge is about all

I came to Beaver Creek with.

That lets me out, too.

-Eh, I don't mind if you be quiet now.

[ Gunshots ]

In one hour more, you are going to be the --

the guests of Manez.

-Manez?

-Eh, you know, he like a good joke.

Maybe you gonna be funny for him too, eh?

No? Hmm? [ Chuckles ]

-Who's Manez?

-He's a border cutthroat

who's been makin' trouble up this way.

Them shots we heard must have been the signal

that we're comin' in.

Wherever that is.

-[ Chuckles ]

♪

-Stage crossin' the mesa now, sir.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Manez, stage is comin'.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Whoa.

-Hey, Manez.

See what we got for you now, huh?

Come on. Come on. There you go.

Come on. Look.

Huh?

You know what?

This doctor here, he's a very funny fellow.

[ Laughs ]

[ Grunts ]

Don't talk to me...

Eso gringo,he insulted me.

-I will kill you.

-All right.

-Hold it, Doctor.

Save your muscle for your patient.

-What is she doing here?

-She was on the stage.

-Well, so was the driver.

-I couldn't see how a woman would cause us any problem.

-Maybe it's about time somebody told us what's goin' on.

-Yeah. -You will follow me.

You will assist the doctor.

-Assist who?

-There will be no delay.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Whistling and cheering ]

We will make this understand.

My brother lives, you and the woman

can continue on your destination.

My brother dies...

I will not be too sure you saw him as worth living.

Do you understand?

-Well, as long as you're bringing it up,

there's a few things I don't understand. One...

-When Manez is grateful, a man profits.

When Manez is not grateful...

-Your point is well taken.

-You will do your best.

What will you need?

-Need? -Need?

Hot water, more assistance?

-Uh, hot water.

Plenty of hot water.

-You will have it.

-There are couple of things that are becoming mighty clear

to me.

Manez and his comancheros, the Beaver Creek paper

had it that they tried to hold up a bank in Hemming.

Three were killed and one was wounded.

Looks to me like you've been elected to take care

of the wounded one.

-Ma'am, we're in for a bit of trouble.

-I have no doubt that we are.

The things I've heard about that man,

you wouldn't believe.

-Oh, I believe 'em just by lookin' at him.

That's why I figured I'd keep my mouth closed.

-I don't follow you, Doc.

-Doc.

Back in Beaver Creek, that hotel clerk kept calling me Doc, too,

but I thought that was just his way of talking.

-Are you saying you're not a doctor?

-Ma'am, that's exactly what I'm sayin'.

-But the medical bag.

-My Uncle Newton left it to me when he died.

Haven't much else

and the bills were paid off.

I carry my tools in it.

-Tools?

-Gunsmith tools.

That's what I'm takin' up for a living.

All I carry is a scalpel, medical clamps, pair of forceps,

things I figured on selling when I got to needin' the cash.

For gun wadding, I use gauze bandages.

[ Chuckles ]

I, uh, guess it looks like a real doctor's bag at that.

-Did you say we were in for a bit of trouble?

-Well, I didn't say a lot because I started medical school

and spent enough time to get by.

-Then you have had medical training?

-Uh-huh.

My Uncle Newton, he raised me.

Figured I should follow along his footsteps,

so I stuck it out for six months and tried engineering.

I got a year of that under my belt

before I figured I'd try my luck further west,

paying my way fooling with guns that needed fixing.

-Did you say six months of medical school?

-I read a whole lot, too, ma'am.

Don't concern yourself too much.

Like my Uncle Newton used to say,

there's a time for worrying and time for doing.

Right now, the way this man has been bleeding,

might be a time for worrying.

♪

♪

-There's over a half 100 men lookin' for us.

-That doctor, he is very young.

-We should be headed out.

-My brother cannot ride. -It's only a question of time

before they start lookin' up this canyon.

-So?

-You said we'd move outta here after the raid on Hemming.

Move back to Mexico.

-You are saying we're leaving?

-I'm sayin' your brother should take his chances on travelin'.

-He would die in the saddle.

So here we will stay.

It is this always.

We ride as one man.

-Seems to look some better.

-A man generally picks up when he feels he's being cared for.

-He's gonna make it.

-I sincerely hope so, ma'am.

-So?

-He's lost a lot of blood.

-This I know.

-He's carrying that slug pretty deep too.

-When will you remove the bullet?

-There isn't a doctor in the world that'd go

probing for that bullet until he makes some blood back.

Meaning nobody's gonna do anything for him

today, tonight,

maybe not even tomorrow.

-I will decide when it is to be done.

-Then you can also decide to do the operating yourself, mister.

-He's a boy, nothing more.

-If you care for him so much,

what's he doing riding with you?

-I do not need advice.

-I wasn't thinkin' of giving you any.

It'd be a waste.

-All I want from you

is your skill to save my brother's life.

-I've done all I can for the moment.

Right now he needs rest.

By morning, you'll be able to tell how fast

or slow he's getting his strength back.

-You sure don't mind speakin' your thoughts, do you?

-When you meet a man eye to eye,

you get him to blinkin' first,

so they say.

-You know somethin', Newly?

I think I'm gettin' to like you.

-[ Chuckles ]

Well, ma'am, that kind of makes my day.

-Well, you better hustle here.

Mr. Manez don't take to you people lazing at a meal time.

-If he dies -- he sure has a 50/50 chance of doin'

just that -- I'd say Manez won't be feelin' too kindly toward us.

-Especially when he finds out you're not a doctor.

-Right. We gotta get something working for us.

-Suggestions?

-Miss Russell, have you got any idea of where we might be?

-Except that we're in canyon country,

I haven't the slightest.

What are you doing?

-Well, I'm not too sure yet,

except that this has about the same diameter as a gun barrel.

Man would have a hard time walkin' outta this place...

...which leaves us needing help from the outside.

-That's pretty good figuring.

-Yeah. My Uncle Newton always said I was one for figuring.

-Quite a man, your Uncle Newton.

-Taking that figuring a step further,

the first things is to get word to that marshal in Dodge.

Might could be he'd help.

-Might could be.

♪

-Manez say you don't...

What you got there, huh? -If you don't mind,

I prefer my instruments not being handled.

-Manez say...

He say you coming to eat.

Please.

-Where we go, we live well.

If it is not there, we provide.

-Let's get back to that stuff you claim you need.

-Ether. And it's not a question of my claiming.

They've been finding out it's shock killing patients.

Ether does the trick. It keeps them asleep

through everything.

-Juan will stand the pain.

My brother is a brave man.

-Mr. Manez, I just got through telling you

there's not a doctor in the world

who'd go probing for a bullet as deep as that one

without using an anesthetic.

That includes me.

-A bottle of whiskey in him.

-A bottle of whiskey in him

and you can bury him without me even touching him.

-Well, let's assume this doctor of Dodge has some on hand,

how are you gonna get it without tipping him off

that you're treating a wounded man?

-I'll just tell him I'm, uh,

operating on some farmer who broke his leg.

-Dr. Adams would never question another doctor

needing emergency drugs.

-You talk like you know that Dodge doctor real well.

-I should. Dodge is my home.

-What did you do in Dodge?

-I own the Long Branch Saloon.

-Oh.

I spent some time in Dodge a while back.

Seems to me I heard a couple of things

about you and the marshal there.

-You are a lawman's woman?

You're a lawman's woman?

-Take your hands off the lady.

-A loose tongue can easily be removed, my friend.

-I'd rather you didn't call me friend.

Now, take your hands off the lady.

-Answer me.

♪

I will enjoy hearing you beg for your death.

-You'd better start behaving yourself, Mr. Manez,

or you're gonna be short one brother.

-Leave him to me! -Hold it!

We either ride out of here with your brother tonight,

take our chances he'll live through that ride,

or we let him take that slug out.

-These things you need, you will go to Dodge.

One of my men will take you there.

You will get from the doctor this thing,

and you will return.

-We'll send Turner with him.

Turner's face is new around these parts.

-Now I make you a promise.

You do not return?

You attempt to speak to one person there?

And this woman's screams will fill this canyon.

This I promise on my mother's grave.

-The bets are off unless your mother's grave

can stand some more swearing.

Miss Russell leaves here the minute I get back,

before I do any operating.

-She leaves after my brother is taken care of.

-Un-uh.

We're at a standoff then.

-You sure push it, boy.

-Only my brother is important.

It is agreed.

-Let's get it started.

♪

-Sit down.

You know,

it's not a bad thing to have the friendship of Manez.

I have a woman like you

in San Miguel.

-My sympathy is with her.

-I have a woman like you, yes.

You will be like her.

A little tear, perhaps, at first,

then a smile.

[ Chuckles ] Always it ends with a smile.

♪

♪

-Take only a minute, Mr. Turner. I'll be right back.

-Stayin' right along with you, Doc.

Orders to keep you in sight like you heard.

-Trust, Mr. Turner, is the cornerstone

of lasting friendship.

-Following Mr. Manez's orders

is the cornerstone of keepin' alive.

-Yeah.

Well, I guess you look enough like the worried kin

of my patient.

-Worried is a good way to put it, Doc.

I'm real worried

about what might happen to that red-headed lady

if you was to cause trouble.

-Well, you don't have to remind me about that.

-Oh. Howdy there.

-Hi. How are ya?

-Is there somethin' I can help you fellers with, is there?

-Uh, no.

Uh, no thanks. We're just, uh...

-You lookin' for old Doc, are you?

If you are, he ain't there.

See, they had them a big ruckus out at the Caldwell place

this mornin', and he rolled out early with Marshal Dillon.

Won't be back till late in the day, more than likely.

-Uh, we've got time to wait.

-I'll tell you what you could do, you could ride out there.

It ain't but about a mile east of town.

-Uh, we'll wait here.

-Uh, thanks.

-Suit yourselves.

-[ Sighs ]

-Break in up there easy enough.

-That's a good way to also break into jail.

Why don't we just wait here? Someplace where it's cool

like -- like the saloon. -Huh?

-A drink would sure help pass some of the time.

-Oh, no.

What Mr. Manez says, he means.

I aim to keep my skin.

-Who'd know if we got rid of some of this thirst?

-Ride like we had sure does it to a man, all right.

No, we'd better find us

somewheres to talk the time away.

-Well, I like the saloon. They got sarsaparilla,

and I figure me buying whatever we'll be drinkin'.

-Be cool sittin' in there.

-Sure will.

-Don't guess one do no harm.

-[ Sighs ]

[ Slurring ] -Get some service over here!

Hate to see you spendin' your good money,

not bein' treated like a man.

[ Slurring ] -Well, thank you, Mr. Turner.

I sure like the way you -- you handle things.

-What you gotta do to get a bottle around here?

-Well, I didn't hear you call for one.

-Well, maybe those ears of yours need a little cleanin'.

Oh, he's lookin' for trouble.

-Huh?

-Saying a thing like that under his breath about you.

-What?

-[ Exhales ]

I just ain't takin' no barkeep

slightin' a friend of mine, by God.

I tell you that right now.

-You got a smart mouth, huh?

-Care to repeat it lookin' square at a man?

-Well, I don't know what you're talkin' about.

-He don't know what we're talkin' about.

-I'm talkin' about your smart mouth.

-Yeah, your big mouth.

-Now, you two boys better go somewhere and sleep this off.

-Hey, wait a minute.

-I told you to go somewhere and sleep it off.

-Festus. Festus.

-Insultin' a man when he's payin' good marks...

-Festus.

A couple of boys in the Long Branch

are feelin' their drinks, Festus.

-I said, stop it!

[ Smashes ]

[ Crashing ]

-Get out of the way. -Ah!

[ Smashes ]

-Get out of the way, you.

All right, kid! -Here.

-That'll be just about enough of that.

-Lawmen all have the same smell,

and it ain't exactly like a daisy.

-Doc, me and you's got one mind.

-Lawman, you don't look so tough to me.

-You need to straighten up there, you --

-Oh, my friend got it tilted,

Marshal. He'll wear it off.

-We'll be talkin' about that and the damages

you done soon as you sleep it off here in the jailhouse.

-Sleepin', Marshal? We don't need no sleep.

-Young feller, listen to me.

Are you gonna amble down yonder

by yourself or will you need a little persuadin'?

[ Hoofbeats passing by ]

-No, sir, Marshal.

-You too, mustache.

Go on.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-There, there. You get in there, mush-mouth.

-Marshal, this town of Dodge sure is at spit hole.

-Now you just make yourself at home there on that bunk

like it oughta be, will you?

-Yes, sir.

-Never saw anybody go to sleep so fast in my born days.

[ Whispering ] -Marshal.

-Will you hush up and lay down on that bunk

and go to sleep like I told you to?

I'm gettin' tired of listenin' to you.

-Marshal, I'm not drunk, and I gotta talk to ya.

-First thing is, I ain't no marshal.

I'm a deputy marshal.

And next thing is, you'll make a heap more sense

after you snooze a while on that bunk.

So get to snoozin'.

-I'm with Kitty Russell, and we're in trouble.

♪

Now, this is where I had the blindfold taken off.

Right -- right back here on the stage road.

It was, uh, it was high country we went into, mining country.

Uh, some place north of the road.

-Festus, you've done a lot of trappin'

out around the Beaver Creek area, haven't ya?

-Well, pretty near every spring, Matthew. Why?

-Well, what about those old abandoned mines out there?

Any of 'em big enough to hold Manez and his bunch?

-Well, let's see here.

There -- there's the old Floridora,

Black Mesa, Silver Leg...

-I didn't see any names, Festus.

There wasn't anything to see except the mine itself,

the outlaws, and, uh, the Indians.

-Injuns?

-Yes, sir. They seemed like,

uh, they had some sort of an agreement with Manez, uh,

hunting for him, cooking.

-Well, that sounds like Black Mesa, Matthew.

Them mangy scamps,

they wouldn't be particular about workin' for Manez,

long as he give 'em plenty of drinkin' whiskey.

Probably even usin' 'em for lookouts on that south trail.

-Yeah, Black Mesa would make a lot of sense, all right.

They could see anybody comin' up that south trail for miles,

and they'd have a lot of escape routes to the north.

Festus, go out to the Caldwell place and get Doc.

Bring him into town, explain things to him on the way.

-Back before you can bat your eyeball.

-Newly, I know this is askin' a lot,

but would you be game to go back up there?

You could be a lot of help to us.

-Uh, you couldn't keep me away, Marshal,

not with Miss Russell up there.

As long as Manez figures I can be of some help to his brother,

I'd say we're one up on him.

-Good.

Now, here's what I'd like to do.

Festus and I'll go in there from the east by foot.

And that's pretty rough terrain,

so it should take us till about noon tomorrow.

Now, I'll try and work it so that the posse

will come up that south trail about an hour later.

-Uh-huh, forcing Manez to move out.

-That's the idea, yeah.

I'd like to let you go tonight,

Newly, and be able to follow you right up there,

but I'm just afraid for those Indian lookouts that...

-Miss Russell up there. No, sir.

I'd better go up by myself.

-Yeah. Do you think there's any chance

you could smuggle a gun in there?

Might be a lotta help when we --

when we come in tomorrow.

-[ Sighs ]

Um, I can't see myself getting a gun past Manez.

But maybe a couple of bullets would help.

-Couple of bullets? -Yes, sir.

I'm pretty good at puttin' odds and ends together,

and right now I've got kind of a contraption.

Well, maybe a gun.

Anyway, a couple of bullets inside my sock

would give me a feeling of comfort up there.

-You've got 'em.

Ah,

Festus was tellin' me something about you being a gunsmith.

-I've been foolin' around with guns ever since I was a kid.

It seemed a good way to pay my way traveling out here.

-Good.

Well, right now you better join your friend in here

and get a little sleep. -Yes, sir.

-Well, let's hope we get a little luck ridin' with us.

-Thank you, sir. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

-[ Snoring ]

-[ Sighs ]

Yes, sir, Mr. Turner.

Back in that saloon, you were just as strong as a bull.

I don't know what they... -We turn back here.

-You, uh, figure the blindfolds gonna be necessary again?

-Well, I don't guess your seein' the way in

will make much matter now.

-[ Chuckles ]

I don't get you, friend.

-You and me got out of that Dodge jail just too easy

to be friends, Doc.

-[ Chuckles ]

I still don't get ya.

-Nary a mention of damages that deputy said we was gonna

have to pay.

Now, I've been drinkin' for 40 years,

gettin' tossed into jail, and I never once

got out without what I had to damages to the saloon.

-Well, maybe their d--

deputy just forgot to mention it to the marshal.

-Oh, he sure forgot, all right.

And I figure that, uh, you just maybe had a chance

to put somethin' else into his mind.

-Look, Mr. Turner, maybe we just look trusting.

-Just ain't buyin' it, Doc.

Mr. Manez won't be, neither.

Now, you just keep ridin' up there ahead of me.

And if you get a funny feeling in the back of your neck,

that's where I'm fixin' to put a bullet the minute

I get the feeling you got on your mind

more than just ridin' on ahead.

♪

♪

-Stop.

Stop.

My friend, do you not think it is wiser to use your tongue?

-We should be movin' out with them.

-While you still have one.

-The Indians will get his tongue flappin' fast enough.

-Wait. He will talk.

Did you tell the truth?

-Hope it will make up for it, Mr. Manez.

-Well, I sure have you make up for it.

-A little silence from you would perhaps help.

My men are leaving.

We, too, shall soon leave.

And your marshal's plans will come to nothing.

Tell us what was said between you.

It will make no difference.

-[ Breathing heavily ]

[ Sighs ]

We did have a talk.

-Yes, and?

-Guessing about your collar size for a rope.

-[ Grunts ]

-[ Breathing heavily ]

When he speaks without a smile,

you will have six horses.

Take him to the fire.

-What about your brother? Doesn't he count anymore?

-We take your brother out as he is, head out with them,

and stop guessin' when the posse will be comin' down that trail.

-There will be a two-hour warning

from the time men appear on the trail.

It is enough to follow. Stop.

Bring him to me.

You will look after my brother.

In one hour he will be ready to travel.

If he is not,

we will give the woman to them.

♪

We will meet you at the riverbed.

[ Calling to horses ]

You have one hour, my friend. No more.

-I wish you wouldn't keep calling me "friend."

♪

I don't see what thinkin' would do about this, Miss Russell.

-Gonna do anything about him?

-He's an old worry to us.

-I don't mean that.

I mean, doesn't he stand a pretty good chance of dyin'

unless you get that bullet outta him?

-Doesn't worry me, either, Miss Russell.

We didn't put 'em where he is.

-Well, now, look. Just a minute.

I know this probably doesn't make any sense to you,

but you're the only one here who can save him.

And if he dies now,

I'll have the feeling that we killed him.

-[ Sighs ]

I wish you hadn't put it like that.

-I've helped Doc Adams give ether before.

I'll get started.

-Matthew, I just was thinkin'

I been and done me too much

of city dude livin'.

There was a time when I coulda ran up a little old slope

like this without ever takin' an extra guzzler full of wind.

-We don't get outta here soon,

we're not gonna get outta here at all.

-Get something to shade Juan from the sun

when he rides on that wagon.

-Oh.

-More ether.

-Oh.

-Doc,

you're pretty good, you know that?

-A few of them down there, Matthew.

Rest of 'em must be in the cave yonder.

-No.

I only count five, six horses.

Manez has moved the rest of the men out.

-Yeah, he must've.

-Kitty and Newly must be inside the cave.

-You know somethin', Matthew?

Them yahoos catch sight of us before we get close,

Miss Kitty's gonna be in a terrible pickle.

-Any way to get inside there besides the main entrance?

-Well, if it ain't caved in,

there used to be a air hole right over yonder.

-All right.

Well, you got a good line of fire on 'em here.

You stay here.

I'll circle around, see if I can get in there.

-Right you are.

-You fixin' on movin' out pretty quick now, you reckon?

-You need courage, there is always the bottle.

-Oh, I was just meanin' two more...

-See to the doctor.

-We don't have very much time left.

-I don't need any more time for this.

-That thing gonna work?

-I know it doesn't look like too much, Miss Russell,

but like my Uncle Newton used to say,

you can never tell the depth of the well

by the length of the handle on the pump.

-If you don't mind me saying so,

that doesn't sound too reassuring.

-It'll work, Miss Russell.

I guarantee it.

-Hey, Manez.

-Don't gamble. It won't work.

-Manez, let's get your brother and move out now.

-Go help Turner.

Savrin, get the horses.

-You figurin' on turning that doctor and the woman free?

-What do you think?

-Is your marshal friend the punctual type?

-Punctual? -He said he'd get here

by midday.

The safest place for you is gonna be right here.

-I'd just as soon take my chances on runnin'.

-Into one of those blind canyons out there?

Now, look. I'll hold 'em off till the marshal gets here.

-With that?

-I figure to shoot a touch high,

but it'll stop whatever I aim at.

-You take this gun.

-No, you keep it in case things go wrong.

-If anything goes wrong,

I'd only have a chance to get off one shot anyhow.

Please take it.

-I sure hope he's punctual.

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshot ]

[ Gunfire ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshots continue ]

[ Gunfire echoing ]

[ Silence ]

-Hold it right there, Manez.

Drop the gun.

[ Gunshot ]

-Hey, mister, I'm makin' the same request as the marshal.

-Don't shoot.

I got no gun.

No gun.

♪

-Sure been a heap of new folks

came into Dodge these last couple of years, ain't they?

-More comin' in all the time.

-And it's just about time I put some doin'

into all the thinkin' that I did.

-And what thinkin' is that, Festus?

-About me goin' into business for myself.

-Business? For -- you?

-Yes, business, smart aleck. -Well...

-Us Haggenses has been in the business business

for a many and a many a year.

-Oh, they've been in the business business.

Well, how do you figure profit and loss, now?

How do you... -I ain't goin' in business

for no loss, you ninny.

But I can tell you this,

a feller buys somethin' for one penny

and then he'll go to work and sell it for two pennies.

That there is a profit.

Now, what figurin' does there take?

-Well, just stop wavin' that in my face, will you?

That thing. -It ain't nothin'

but a piece of pipe.

-Well, I don't care. Just...

-Ain't that right, now, Miss Kitty?

A -- a feller buys somethin' for one penny, then

he'll go to work and sell it for two pennies.

That's all there are to it, ain't it?

-Uh, yeah. It's somethin' like that.

-Well, I know it is.

Tell him. -Well, I'm sorry.

I don't know what in thunder I started this for.

-Festus, what kind of business you figure to go into?

-Yeah. -Well, I

was studyin' about goin' into the gunsmithin' business,

but Newly, he's came to town and took up that business.

And I'll tell you, it's a pity that he done it.

-About Newly? Why is that a pity?

-Well, uh, it ain't not

that he ain't a nice young feller and all that,

but he ain't much of a gunsmith if he made this here thing.

-Well, why is that?

-Well, because any fool

can see that that there ain't gonna work.

Well, Matthew, every theory of firearms weaponry

has been winned against right there.

-Every theory of firearms weaponry?

-I'll just make it simple for you.

Ignition, explosion, expansion, and expulsion.

Now, this here thing, it...

-You and Newly had a little talk, did you?

-Well, yes, some.

But I never did bring this here thing up at all.

It wasn't no reason to hurt his feelings.

But I'll tell you, I'm just mighty glad that you never

did have to use this here.

-Ignition, explosion, expansion, and expulsion.

-Them there's just words

that us folks in firearms weaponry uses, that's all.

Now, you see this here little doodad right here, Miss Kitty?

Right there is the very reason

why this here thing won't never work.

[ Explosion ]

-Give me that thing. -Heavens.

-Newly, keep that, and don't let him have it.

He'll kill somebody. -Oh. Howdy, Newly.

-[ Sighs ] Hello, Festus.

Just thought I'd bring over my new sign and show you folks.

-Well, that's really somethin'.

-Did you carve that yourself? -Yes, sir.

I sure did.

-Hey, where are you figurin' on goin' into business?

Have you got it picked out yet,

do you?

-Well, I've been, uh, lookin' at a couple of places,

but I haven't made up my mind yet.

-Well, Newly, I'll tell you,

you won't have any trouble. You can count on plenty

of business around here. -Well, I hope so.

It seems like a pretty nice place.

-Kitty, I'll see you later.

-Good.

-Newly, it is a nice place.

This is a fine town. There's an awful lot

of fine folks in it too, and you'll find that out.

But there are some that you kind of have to keep an eye on

once in a while.

But you won't have very much trouble

spottin' 'em -- I'll tell you that.

-No, you sure won't have no trouble spottin' them.

-The one that I think you oughta take k -- kind of keep

your eyes on is a fellow in a great straggly beard.

-It's little, old short men with a black hat

and white mustache...

-You can't miss him.

-Carries a dull knife and a bunch of poison pills.

-You'll see him goin' up and down Dodge every day on a mule.

-I'll tell you,

you better steer clear of him because he...

-The only problem with him is

you can't tell him apart from...

-His girlfriend, Ruth,

Why don't you hush?

-Hush. Will you hush?

♪

-Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "Gunsmoke."

♪