Original subtitles

♪

-Starring James Arness as Matt Dillon.

♪

-Can I do something for you?

-I be lookin' for a fellow name of Festus Haggen.

You seen him? -Not today.

You drinkin'?

-My mouth's drier than a sack of gumwads.

-All right. What'll we have?

-Bottle of whiskey and a glass.

That there's a thimble.

There's a glass.

[ Exhales ]

-You kinda get the feeling this whole thing's happened before?

-Huh? -Well,

last time somebody came into town lookin' like that,

Festus almost lost his ear.

-Oh, it wasn't his whole ear...

-No, it was just a little... -A little hang-y down part.

-You think he's a Haggen?

-Golly, I'd bet on it.

Hey, mister? Excuse me.

Did I hear you say that you

were looking for somebody name of Festus Haggen?

-You sure did.

You know him?

-You a friend of his?

-Me and him is kinfolk.

I be his cousin Henry from Franklin County.

Just stopped by to say my howdies.

You seen him 'round?

-Matt, you seen him?

-Um, no.

I haven't seen him since this morning.

-Well, I reckon this is a good a place as any to wait

lessen Cousin Festus changed.

-Changed? How's that?

-Cousin Festus always was partial to spirits.

-This a friendly visit?

-Oh, sure.

Me and him is, uh, friendly.

-We'n's rightly sociable.

-Festus'd be right snarked at me

if'n he'd knowed I'd come by Dodge

and never stopped by to say my howdies.

-Well, I sure wouldn't want Festus to be snarked.

-Well, I come a fair piece to see old Festus.

Course, uh, he might be sort of surprised to see me.

-How's that?

-Well, uh, last time I seed Festus,

he got bunged up a might.

-He got bunged up?

-Or is that the time before last?

Naw, that's the time they near hung him.

It was the time before that.

Last time they almost drowned him

in old Honker B. Decker's pond.

Folks back home call me "Hard-Luck Henry Haggen."

If you listened to Festus, he'd tell ya

that I'm bad luck for him even if I'm in the same town

that he's in.

Course I -- I don't think that's too awful truthsome.

♪

-You know, I was standin' here lookin' at you three,

I sudden got myself a pure old certain notion.

-What kind of a notion?

-You'd be Miss Kitty.

Ain't no head of red hair nor prettier than that.

Festus done went on about you more times.

And you'd be Doc

after you swiped at that hair on your top lip.

You -- you'd be Doc!

Yes, sir!

You got a place in the Haggen hearts, Doc.

-Oh, is that a fact?

-Ain't a Haggen nowhere

ain't heard of good Doc Adams what tended

Cousin Elib's foot after he chasin' Festus

half across the country tryin' to shoot off

that there hang-y down part of his ear.

And you'd be Matthew, Cousin Festus' deputy.

-[ Coughs ]

-The... Yeah, well, that's, uh, that's right, Henry.

-Doggone.

Festus said you's just a little feller.

Real proud to meet you, real proud.

The way he done went on about y'all.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, now I've done it. I've done it again.

-Now, don't -- don't worry about it, Henry.

Why don't you just pull up a chair and sit down.

Uh, Sam, bring some more drinks.

-Yes, ma'am.

-So, uh, they call you Hard-Luck Henry, huh?

-Well, never to me, it seems like.

Just to -- to folks I gets around and, uh,

just to folks I likes that I gets around.

-Well, uh, how long you plan to be around Dodge?

-Well, uh, that's a depender, Matthew.

-A depender?

-On how long it takes me to convince Cousin Festus

to help us Haggenses with our problem.

-Oh, well, uh, that's what kinfolk are for,

to help each other.

-Well, certainly, and everybody knows

what a big help Festus is.

-Spoke like a true Haggen, Doc.

-Here's your drink, folks. -Thank you, friend.

[ Crashing ]

I'm sorry.

-Sorry?

-Apologizin' for them glasses.

-I'll get another round, Miss Kitty.

-Better not, Sam.

-Well, it, uh --

it being a puzzler,

we uns decided we needed the brainy Haggen.

-And that'd be, uh, Festus? -Sure.

Folks used to argue about who was the purtiest Haggen,

and it were hard to ponder who it actual was.

But when it come to brains, that were no contest.

That'd be Festus.

-Oh, no, no. It'd be Festus.

No question about it.

-They comes a time in the lives of every family

when they needses the help of a Solomon.

Festus fits that, Doc, no fight.

-Solomon? -Per-xactly.

-Well, now, Teddy, you just find Solomon,

and then you tell him what your problems are.

-Well, I'm 'fraid it ain't a telling problem, Doc.

It's a showin' problem.

-Well, you know, Henry, uh, Festus has a awful lot

of things at the office that keep him pretty well tied down.

-Oh, yes that's, uh, that's true.

He does have his responsibilities here, you know.

-Well, he's left things to you before.

He done told me so.

After all, what's a deputy for?

-Yeah, uh, yeah, well, uh, you got me there.

I think I better be going.

As long as, uh, Marshal Haggen isn't around,

I better keep an eye on things.

-Well, good to see ya.

-Nice to meet you, Henry. -Good to meet ya.

-Just hold on here a minute, Matt.

I think, by golly, I better go along with ya.

-Real good to meet you. -Oh!

-Let me wipe you off there... -No... It... Never... Fine.

[ Muttering ]

I just got this thing...

-Fine fella, that deputy.

See Festus' trainin' all over him.

-Yes, well, uh, Henry, I, uh,

I have some book work I have to take care of, so,

uh, well, if you'll excuse me...

[ Cloth rips ]

-That onliest happens to folks what I likes.

Doggone.

-Has he went yet?

Did -- did you tell him I wasn't around?

Matthew, couldn't you send me out of town to Hays City

to deliver some papers or something?

-Well, you're the marshal.

You could send yourself to Hays City.

Couldn't he, Deputy? He could just...

-Well, it sure seems that way. -Oh, smart-aleck cousin.

I never said I was a marshal!

All I said was... -Yeah, what was it you said?

-Shut up!

Matthew, couldn't you figure some way

to get Hard-Luck out of town? -No, no, Matt.

That wouldn't work. -Why?

-Well, because there's one thing you Haggens

have all got in common.

-What? -That's tenacity.

No, just make that plain stubbornness.

I'll tell you something,

if Hard-Luck Henry wants to see you,

he's gonna stay right here in town until he does,

and I just don't think the town of Dodge City

can stand two Haggens.

I know darn well I can't.

-All right, you ornery old scamp.

I'm in serious trouble!

A whole heap seriousner than you've ever saw

or heared tell of in all your born days.

-I know that.

-And you're enjoying it, ain't you?

-I don't know when I've enjoyed anything coming to...

-I can see you are.

Matthew, what I need now is a understanding friend,

not some old quack-quack

that ain't got nothin' in his head

but to hoo-haw me to show how funny he is.

-Howdy, Festus!

I figured I might could find you in your office.

-Matthew!

-I think he's a might surprised to see me.

Festus?

He ain't only the brainiest Haggen.

He's the bashfullest, too.

Look out!

-I think he's got him cornered now.

Oh. Not yet he doesn't.

-Oh!

[ Laughter ]

♪

-Howdy, Festus.

♪

-Been a real nice ride so far, ain't it, Cousin Festus?

Ain't nary a thing went wrong since we left Dodge.

We'll be there before long now.

Could I ride up beside you now so's we can talk...

-You just stay right where you're at.

-But, Cousin Festus, I got to tell you about our problem.

-This here problem you got is a showing problem.

It ain't no telling problem.

And you can show me when we get where it's at.

-But, Cousin Festus --

-When we get there, Henry.

-But Festus, I just wanna be sociable.

It ain't Haggen for kinfolk not to ride together.

Cousin Festus? -Now you keep your distance,

you hear?

-Doggone, I'm sorry, Cousin Festus.

-Just get your hands away from me and get out!

[ Gunshot ]

What in thunderation was that?

-I figured he might be still at it.

-Who's at it?

-Oh, ever since we found that there wagon,

them Dooleys been snooping around.

-The Dooleys is a part

of this problem of yours? -Oh, yeah.

They sure can't shoot worth a lick, now, can they?

Be pure dumb luck if'n they's to hit one of us.

[ Gunshot ]

That's a manner of speaking, is all I mean.

Homer, Heathcliffe, Harper! [ Whistles ]

Me an' Festus is here.

-Over here, Henry.

We got us a nest of skunks. -It's Festus.

Sure nice of you to pay us a visit, Cousin Festus.

♪

-He done went and fetched Festus.

-Well, what for?

-He's a smart un of the Haggens.

Be dang sure they ain't brung him clear to Pratt County

for nothin'.

Why don't you see if you can't bounce a rifle ball

off that scrotchy codger.

-All right, Festus. Let's get.

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshots ]

-What you reckon they got in that there wagon, Jefferson?

-I know what I hope they got in that there wagon.

-Corn squeezin's.

-Woo-wee.

Let's go get it.

-Ween's gonna take our time.

Gonna do a little follerin' and some thinkin'.

-Well, they's runnin'.

-Yeah, we sure whipped them Dooleys.

Didn't we, Cousin Festus?

-I ain't been able to tell who's a-shootin'

at who 'round here.

-Cousin Festus, you remember Cousin Homer.

-Howdy, Cousin Festus. How are you?

-Cousin Harper.

-Howdy.

-And I'm Cousin Heathcliffe.

I'm the baby of the family. [ Chuckles ]

-You ain't seed him since he was knee-high to a caterpillar.

[ Chuckles ]

-Well, Henry, we ain't gonna stand around here jawin'.

Where's that showin' problem at?

-Just follow me, Cousin Festus.

-You ain't never seen nothin' like this.

-Be certain it'll make your eyeballs crack out.

-Wait till you see this.

-Shh.

-Yeah. [ Chuckles ]

-That there's gold. -Yeah.

This here was on top of that there chest.

-This here's Confederate gold.

-Yes, sir, Cousin Festus.

-Why, they must be at least --

well, they's nigh on to --

well, they's a whole heap,

I'll tell you that.

[ Laughter ] -Yeah.

-That there's the kind of thought we brung you for.

-Me and Homer's out huntin' varmints, and, uh, I found it.

-According to my figuring,

Festus, being's how me and Henry found it,

seems like we oughta get the biggest share, right?

-No, no, we's all Haggens. We get an equal share.

-That's and greedy and downright miserly.

We're gonna divide it up fair and square

is what we're gon' do. -Yeah, and I'm gonna get me

a new gun and a whole cellar full of turnips.

-And I'm gonna get me a trunk full of shoes [Indistinct].

-Hold it. Hold it, hush.

Wait a minute.

Now, what in the tarnation did you knuckleheads

bring me out here for in the first place?

-To help us divide it fair and square.

-All right then.

Now, you -- you all willing to guarantee me one thing?

After I give you a fair and a square decision

on this thing, that you'll stick to it?

-Yeah. -We'll stick by it.

-All right then.

Now, there ain't gonna be no dividing

'cause you ain't gonna keep this here gold.

-Finders keepers! -Yeah, finders keepers!

-Finders keepers, my Aunt Pansy's hatbox.

Now, this here box of gold is gonna be took back to Dodge City

to Marshal Matthew Dillon

'cause he'll know what to do with it.

♪

-Cousin Elib only wanted the hang-y down part of your ear.

I'm gonna blow your whole head clean off.

-Pointin' a gun at kinfolk ain't Haggen.

Ain't Haggen at all, Homer.

-I swear... -I swear...

-On my Grandpa Hog Haggen's grave...

-On my Grandpa Hog Haggen's grave...

-To deliver and defend this here gold...

-To deliver and defend this here gold...

-Till my last breath.

-Till my last breath.

-If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.

-If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'.

-There.

Your ma would be plum proud of you boys.

-Daddy'd take a switch to us.

-All right. Let's get outta here.

-They's goin' down a trail to Dodge.

-We can see, too, stupid.

-Gettin' thirsty.

Gettin' awful thirsty.

-You're gonna get yourself awful dead

if you don't mind what I say.

Now, there ain't gonna be no more shootin'

till we sure there ain't gonna be no more shootin' back.

-When's that gonna be?

-Mm, tonight, when they's all tucked in

and snoozin' like little opossums.

Then we'll blow holes clear through

every one of them Haggens,

and then we get to peek in the wagon.

♪

-Hurry up them vittles, Brother Harper.

-Well, hold your taters. I'm a hurryin'.

-Boy, I'm so hungry I could eat myself a bobcat, claws and all.

How 'bout you, Cousin Festus?

-Whew!

-I ain't never had me no appetite

around certain relations I could name.

-Brother Henry, Harper.

I forgot them vittles.

Doggone.

-Forgot the vittles?

-I was s'posed to get 'em in Dodge.

-Well, I'm hungry.

-Aw, well, fiddle.

Get some water, Hen.

I got some coffee in a hard pack in my saddlebag.

It'll hold us till we can get somethin' that's worth a darn.

Never saw such a bunch

of bungling boneheads

in all my born days.

-Cousin Festus? -What?

-I done forgot the water, too. Doggone!

No, Festus, don't! Don't shoot! No!

-Cousin Festus! -Hush up, ya ninnies.

Goin' out to see if I can shoot me some dinner.

If it happens to be a bobcat,

all you're fixin' to get is the claws.

-Cousin Festus? -What?

-If'n you want some help, I'll come along with ya.

-Oh, none of your kin-fightin'.

-Well, I'm hungry.

-Well, we all are.

Just hush up, Heathcliffe.

-Ain't no call to jaw at baby brother, Homer.

-It's your fault, Henry!

-I aims to set it right, too.

-Well how you gonna do that, Brother Henry?

-Ween's passed us a squattin' shack couple miles back.

In case Festus don't bring back no game,

I'm gonna take me this wagon and get us some supplies.

-Can I ride with you?

-Sure, Heathcliffe. -Can I take the reins?

-I reckon as how. Come on.

-Well, we'll all go, Henry. -No, Homer.

You and Harper stay here and watch that there fire.

In case'n Festus get back before we do,

you tell him where we's gone.

All right? Come on, let's go.

Hah! Hah! Gid-up!

Come on. Hah!

-They's up to somethin'.

-Where'd that smart un, Festus, get to?

-They's splittin' up.

-There's three bunches of 'em now.

But we's three Dooleys.

-Reb, you stay here and keep an eye on them two.

Truly, see can you find Festus.

And I'll get after that there wagon.

-Two dollars seems a might steep, I know, but

that there's almost the last of our vittles.

-I'm right appreciative for a saintly thing.

-That's all right. We'll be in Mullinville

in a day or so.

-Saintly, still and all.

Makes a man feel right like a friend to you.

Land's sakes!

-I'm sorry.

-That's been standing there all these years.

-Me and Heathcliffe help you set it right.

-Now wait a minute here, Henry.

We're just gonna get in more trouble over there.

-Heathcliffe, we're gonna set to

and help a stranger.

-Let's get to it.

-All right I'll take this up here

and you can -- can you handle that all by yourself?

-I'm all right. Yeah.

Okay now.

-Get it on over here.

Tell us when you're ready with it, now.

-[ Speaking indistinctly ] -Okay.

Tell us when to do it.

-I'll shove it and I'll help you get her up there.

Okay, ready? -Go.

Okay.

-Oh, I got it.

-Mind your feet.

-Stick it up there! -Hold it. Hold it.

-Wait, boy.

-Hold it. -Come on.

-Can you handle that by yourself?

-I got it.

[ Coins clinking ]

-Up.

Raise it up.

[ Grunting ]

-Let me help you with that.

Let me help you with that.

'Kay, come on.

-Come on and nudge on that post.

Get that over there.

-There. How's that?

-That's pretty good.

-Looks like we done it.

-Well, I guess we better get going.

Thank you, ma'am. -Thank you.

-Never could've set that roof alone.

-Our pleasure. -Oh, weren't nothin'.

-Well, hope you enjoy your vittles.

-Oh, we will. I'm hungry.

Real hungry.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Bye.

-You stop by, now.

-Bye.

-Bye.

Sure is a nice fella.

Real friendly.

♪

-[ Gasps ]

-What was it that you done stole, boy?

-Nothing!

-What was it that you done stole outta that there wagon?

-Nothing!

-Well, your britches are saggin'.

It must be a mighty heavy nothing.

-Ma! -Now, you...

Here, I ain't about you hurt you none.

It's just that my curiosity bone got to itchin'.

Now, what was it?

-Pa!

-Now, you stop it.

Oh! Ouch!

Gee! You durn young un!

You, you young un!

-Ma! Pa!

-Stranger.

♪

You got about three eyeball blinkin's to let go of that boy

and get off of my property.

-Well, I weren't about to hurt him none.

I -- I was just asking him a question.

-One eyeball blink.

-[ Gasps ]

-Sonny, why don't you tell me what it is?

-I ain't gotta tell you nothing.

-Now you ain't got none.

♪

Now get!

[ Fires ]

[ Horse neighs ]

What do you got in your pockets, Charlie?

-What pockets, Pa?

-Don't you innocent-eye me, boy.

-Pa. -Charlie, answer your pa.

-Ain't no way they can miss 'em.

-Miss what?

-They had a whole box full.

-Box fulla what?

-Gold?

-You care for a pull on my pipe, Cousin Festus?

-No, thanks.

-It's real good burley.

Uncle Custer growed it hisself.

You care for a pinch for chew?

-Henry, I don't use tobacco no ways.

-Brother Henry's just tryin'

to make his peacefuls with ya, Cousin Festus.

-I know what he's doin'.

-It's over and did.

Nothing went wrong, Festus.

-But something could've went wrong.

-Well, ain't nobody seen that there wagon, that old man

and his missus, Festus.

I seen to that. -Well, now just supposin'

you'd a ran into them Dooleys on the trail.

Supposin' that.

-Well, we didn't.

-Ain't nobody knowed what's in that wagon.

Nobody in the world.

-I'm gonna tell you fellers a pure old-y fact.

That there box of gold

ain't gonna get out of my eyesight once,

not once, till we get to Dodge City.

Now, you can put that down in your little book.

-Ain't nobody arguing with you, Festus.

-Well, they better not be.

Go on, get outta here, so I can get some sleep.

We're fixin' to pull out of here at daylight,

that way we'd ought to get into Dodge by dark.

-Cousin Festus?

You might rest more peaceful

if I was to fix you up a pallet there under that there lean-to.

-I'll stay right where I'm at.

-Right. Good night.

Sleep nice and peaceful there, Festus.

[ Whispering ] Harper. Harper.

There's a little nip in the air come moondown.

-Thanks.

-That were a real Haggen thing to do, Festus,

you comin' to help us and everything.

Still and all, givin' up your warm bed

and your comforts.

Were a right friendly thing to do.

♪

♪

[ Snoring ]

[ Twig snaps ]

[ Snoring ]

♪

-Shame on you, Jefferson Dooley.

-Howdy, Festus. I was just...

-Hush your mouth.

Where's them brothers yourn at?

-If'n that gun goes off,

it'll make a man hard to hearin'.

-This here gun goes off,

it'll be the first time you ever had anything inside your head.

Now, where they at?

-Back at the camp.

-Are you sure?

-Would I lie to you?

-Yes, you'd lie to me.

Which ones is with you?

-Just Truly and Reb.

-Well, how come they ain't here with you now?

-'Cause I done snucked away.

-What are you doin' here?

-Back at that farm yonder,

I saw this young un fill his britches with somethin'

out of the wagon.

The way he was actin', I knowed it wasn't hickory nuts.

-So you figured you'd do the same likewise, huh?

Shame.

Double shame on you, Jefferson.

-I would've shared with my brothers, Truly and Reb.

Honest to John, I would.

-Oh, I'll just bet you would've, yeah.

Henry, Heathcliffe, Homer, Harper, get up here!

Hurry it up. Shake a leg.

-Jefferson Dooley. What's hims doing here?

-Don't nobody knows what was in that wagon, huh?

That young un back at that farm

you stopped at stuffed his britches plum full.

You didn't know that, did ya?

-How'd you find that out?

-'Cause he seen him.

-Where's the rest of them gold-stealin' skunky brothers

of yours?

-Gold?

Is that what you've got in that there wagon?

-Where they at?

-Oh, they ain't none of them with him.

See he figured to snooker them and us, too.

But I just happened to glom on to him.

-Festus, now we glommed on to him.

What's we gonna do with him?

[ Rustling ]

-If'n that's my brothers, you ain't gonna tattle-tale on me.

-Oh, hush up!

-They comin' from over here!

-No, they over here!

-We're surrounded! Where's that Dooley?

-Oh, he... Never mind about him.

-What we gonna do now? -Let's get outta here.

-Don't need no smarter Haggen to ask me to get.

-I'll hitch up the wagon. -No. Ain't no time for that.

Get the gold and get on outta here.

Hurry up. Hurry it up there.

Get it off.

-We'll hold 'em off as long as we can.

-I'm right glad it's you and me like this together, Festus.

[ Rustling ]

♪

Doggone!

Festus?

I'm sorry, Festus.

I gotta protect that gold.

You wait here.

-[ Groans ]

-You're under arrest.

-But I ain't did nothing wrong, you ninny!

-You had a box of gold coins, Confederate gold coins,

just like these here.

-That young un at that there farm.

-Mm-hmm.

-Well, shoot, there ain't

nothin' unlawsome about that.

-Why'd the rest of your gang run?

-I done told you that.

We figured you's the Dooleys sneakin' up to steal it.

-Where'd you get the gold?

-I done told you that, too.

-And you told me you was takin' it to a friend,

a marshal in Dodge.

-That's what I's doin'.

-Then you don't mind waiting till morning

till he answers that telegram I sent him.

-Onliest thing I mind is the temptation

my cousins is a-goin' through.

I just hope they got the strength.

-That there's the jail.

You wait here.

-[ Snoring ]

-[ Whistles ]

-[ Snoring ] -[ Whistling continues ]

[ Whistling continues ]

-[ Sighs ]

Henry,

what are you doing here?

-Howdy, Cousin Festus.

-Where's your brothers at?

-They's here. -And the gold?

-Safer than chitlins on city folks's supper plates.

I'm sorry for you being in here, Festus.

We aims to get you out.

-No, Henry, they ain't no need for that.

Come tomorrow morning -- -They's ever need.

You're in there on account of us, on account of me.

I aims to set it right.

-Henry, please don't try to set it right. Now, Henry --

-Just take ahold of that rope, Festus...

-I don't need no rope.

Just take the fellers out.

Henry, what're you doing?

Henry?

Quit it, Henry! Quit that!

Don't tie it onto that saddle!

Henry!

-Yah! -Henry!

♪

Stop this!

Let me off!

Henry!

Henry!

♪

-Marshal,

Barney from the telegraph office asked me to bring you these.

-Oh, open them for me, will you?

-Yeah.

Ignore first telegram.

Prisoner has escaped. -What?

-Well, that's what it says.

-Open that one. -Yeah.

-Uh-oh.

Say, go down and have Hank saddle my horse for me,

will ya? -What's wrong?

-Festus and his cousins.

I gotta make a ride to Mullinville.

♪

-Cousin Festus sure is powerful mad.

-Yeah, well, we shoulda left him in that there jail.

-You hush that kind of talk.

-Coulda had all that gold to ourselves if'n we had.

-We took a oath, Brother Homer.

-Yeah, well, I burned an owl's wing,

spit four times to the wind,

and toted two frogs around in my boot.

As far as I'm concerned, the oath is broke.

-It were a Haggen oath we took,

and we can't break a Haggen oath,

and you know that.

-I said two frogs, Henry!

-He's gotta be headed for Dodge.

-Well, how do you figure that, Jefferson?

-They done went and sent for their cousin, Festus.

Festus is sort of like a deputy in Dodge.

And a deputy, he'd take the found gold to the law.

-Well, if certain members of this here family

were a might more trustworthy,

we'd've had us that gold right now.

-I told you I was gonna tell ya.

-Well, "was gonnas" ain't much account.

-[ Grunts ]

♪

-Well, what we gonna do, Jefferson?

-We's gonna get that gold.

That's what we's gonna do.

-Well, how you figure we're gonna get it, Jefferson?

-You remember that there cross trail back there aways?

-Yeah.

-If we was to get that there wagon

to drive down this here trail...

-What for?

-This trail don't go nowhere,

and if we'n would be sittin' up there on that hill,

what with this here bog...

♪

-I'm gonna have me a talk with Cousin Festus.

Much further to Dodge is it, Cousin Festus?

-A piece.

-You still mad at me, ain't ya, Cousin Festus?

-Of course I'm still mad at you, ya ignorant knothead.

Here I am a fugitive from justice, and you did it.

-Well, foot, Cousin Festus, when we's nothin' but tads,

we's always fugitives from something.

You recollect that.

-That was before I come to be a man of responsibleness.

-I'll make it up to you, Cousin Festus.

-The onliest way

you can ever make it up to me is just get clean away from me.

Now, go on, get.

-Well, we --

we need you, Cousin Festus to --

to -- to, uh,

to show us the way to Dodge!

We ain't never been that way before.

-I've told you and I've told you -- whoa.

Keep right on this here trail,

and when you come to them cross trails, follow that arrow.

That's all they is to it.

-All right. All right, Cousin Festus.

Now, go on. Get on down yonder.

-I sure am sorry.

-You done said that.

You spent half of your life a-tellin' me that you're sorry.

Now, you -- you just get on outta here, you...

-All right. -Ol' hard-luck scamp.

-All right.

-Don't forget to follow that arrow at the cross trail.

♪

-Well? -The smart one is ridin' slow.

He's headed for Dodge.

Henry and the others is a-comin'.

-And that is purely nice.

We'n's got this trail covered real good.

When I give you the signal, you start shootin'.

And remember, you don't give 'em no ways

to go exceptin' into that there bog.

-Matthew.

-What're you doing here?

-What are you doing here?

-Well, I'm just riding to Mullinville

to see if that posse wasn't after you for breakin' jail.

What happened? -What,

you wouldn't believe this, Matthew.

Cousin Hard-Luck Henry that you passed back yonder,

why, he tore the whole back end outta that jailhouse.

Him and Harper and Homer and Heathcliffe,

they tied a rope around them jail bars

and just jerked that thing... -Well, now, wait a minute.

What do you mean, uh, passed down the trail back there?

-Well, you couldn't have missed 'em.

They's drivin' a wagon.

-I didn't pass any wagon. -You didn't?

-No. [ Gunshots ]

[ Gunshots continue ]

-Keep me covered. I'm gonna protect that gold.

-Hey!

-Just a minute! -What's wrong with you anyway?

-Keep shootin', you ninnies!

-What's the matter with ya?

-Don't ask no question.

I know what I'm doing.

[ Gunshots ] Don't fret.

None of them Dooleys couldn't hit the ground with their hat.

[ Gunshots continue ]

-Keep shooting at his heels.

-No, wait a minute, he's a-carryin' the gold!

-[ Whistles ]

-Now, what's he doin' in there? -I don't know,

but here comes Jefferson Dooley! -Get him!

-The gold's a-sinkin'! -No!

♪

-Hang on! Hang on!

What do you think you're doing?

[ All shouting ]

-Hang on! -Grab ahold of it!

♪

-Come on here. Grab ahold of that!

-Y'all hush your jabberin'!

Throw me a rope.

-If'n you throw us the gold first.

♪

-Homer, Heathcliffe,

get me a rope from the wagon and one of them --

one of them tent poles.

-Henry Haggen,

if'n you lose our gold, I'm gonna have to shoot ya.

-Your gold?

That there's our gold.

-This here rifle gun says it's ours.

-Here you go. Grab ahold of that now.

-Hold it right there.

All right. Put the guns down.

-You Johnny-come-latelies ain't gonna get none of this gold.

-I said put the guns down, all of ya.

-This here's a United States marshal.

-All right. Now, get him outta there.

-Hang on, brother. Lemme get ya out there.

-Get the gold first.

-Keep it up on your head.

-Grab ahold of it. -Grab that rope, Henry.

Get 'er, Henry.

Hold tight.

-Come on, get outta there.

-Just hold tight now.

Hold tight.

-[ Grunting ]

-All right, Henry.

-Festus, you saved my life!

-Oh, get away. -You saved my life!

-Get your filthy hands off of me.

-Let me wipe your face off. -Oh, quit that, will ya?

-You saved my life, Festus.

-Well, that's my hard luck.

Now, leave me be!

-Henry, what're we gonna do about the gold?

-Just rise it up on the pole, that's all.

Everybody heave.

♪

Well, foot, Festus.

Everybody's entitled to one mistake.

-[ Scoffs ]

Festus, you don't -- you don't realize what we could...

-Just get away from me! Get away from me!

I don't wanna...

-Maybe we could see us a way to get down there and --

and somebody get a pole down there or somethin'.

We could get it out some ways.

Don't go away, Festus!

-I'm going. -You're mad, ain't ya?

Well, I'm sorry.

Doggone.

♪

♪

-Stay tuned for scenes from next week's "Gunsmoke."

♪