Original subtitles

[ Man ] One, two! One, two, three!

Up next, daring daylight robbery at a municipal swimming pool.

Ooh, this is it! Turn me up.

Earlier today, a foul-mouthed bandit robbed the municipal pool,

making off with the contents of over three lockers.

More like three lockers and a sink.

Bender, did you have something to do with this? Of course not!

Holy Spitz! He's sporting skintight Speedos!

They don't leave much to the imagination.

Actually, on a robot, they sorta do.

One puny human got a look at the robber--

Here we go. Here we go!

Describing him as a short, nasty, muscular--

Yeah! Make me famous, big head!

Caucasian human male.

- What? - [ Gasps ]

Hey, now what am I supposed to watch and drink all day?

This is an outrage!

What's the point of pullin' the biggest pool caper ever if nobody knows you did it?

- Well, there's the material rewards. - You mean this junk?

Whee!

All I ever wanted was for people to remember my name.

[ Sobs ] It's Bender.

Oh, fuff! Why bother remembering anything?

You're just going to forget it five seconds later.

It's so unfair.

A debonair robot with a zesty, in-your-face outlook,

doomed to obscurity like the rest of you, especially Leela!

[ Sobs ] If I died tomorrow, no one would even notice.

Boy, I've never seen him so down... or ever before.

How does a nobody like me get famous?

[ Gasps ] I know!

Hey, look! I'm stuck, but I haven't given up hope.

Call a soft-news journalist.

You're not stuck. Shut up.

** [ Dance ] [ People Whooping, Chattering ]

Hey, everybody! Do the Bender!

This move's called the Bender.

** [ Stops ] Yo, hot wheels.

This circle's about free expression, not fascist moves!

Whoa-oa-oa!

[ Gasps ] A blank wall! Fame is mine!

[ Rattling ] [ Cackling ]

[ Giggling ]

[ Dog Barking ] [ Grunts ]

There! Now no one will forget how I lived or my attitude regarding butt.

[ Vehicles Approaching ]

All rights, ladies. Let's flush these artist lofts straights to hell!

No!

[ Men Laughing ]

I'm the first one to work. A new low.

[ All ] Surprise! [ Fry ] Happy funeral, Bender!

[ Gasps ] A surprise funeral for me?

We just wanted to show you that you really will be remembered.

Now, if the deceased will kindly take his place of honor.

Ooh! Cushiony. And a mini bar.

** [ "Funeral March": Upbeat ]

Dearly beloved, we are here today to remember Bender,

taken from us in the prime of life...

when he was crushed by a runaway semi driven by the Incredible Hulk.

Aw, you knew my favorite cause of death.

Now let us each remember the best things about Bender in our own way.

Professor?

[ Grunts, Coughing ]

Your standard bending unit is made of an iron-osmium alloy,

but Bender was different.

Bender had a .04 percent nickel impurity.

[ Sobs ] It's what made me me.

If you ever needed a small package brought into the country...

without a lot of x-rayin' and such,

Bender always had a free body cavity.

Ah, the professor's was better.

Bender, shush. You're supposed to be dead.

Say more about how great I am. And where's the cryin'?

You people look like you're waitin' for the bus.

** [ High-pitched Note ]

* Oh, Danny boy

* The pipes, the pipes

* Are calling

Who-y boy? * From glen to glen

* And down-- * Danny Boy?

You're at my funeral singing about some dead stiff named Danny Boy?

You really are a massive bonehead!

- I'm expressing my sorrow. - Get lost!

I'd say don't quit your day job, but you're awful at that too!

- We're trying our best. - Your best is an idiot.

Let's pick it up, people. So far it's been crap after crap.

I croaked. Now show me some love.

Bender was a truly special--

Louder and sadder!

[ Shouting ] Bender was a truly special--

Next! [ Sobbing ]

Dear Lord-- Oh, next!

* Oh, Danny boy Ohh!

Come on! Surely there must be someone here who knows how great I was.

Yes, there is, Bender.

Bender was a lot of things to a lot of people, but looking back,

the number-one thing I can say about him is this, and simply this--

Bender was my friend.

What? That's it? Who are you? You're nobody!

This is the worst funeral ever!

I hope you're all happy.

You've succeeded in convincing me life is worth living...

by showing how bad my funeral will suck!

[ Grunts ]

I know whose funeral we'll be attending next.

Oh, stop!

News, everyone!

Today you're going to Osiris Four...

to deliver this enormous sandstone block.

I thought something looked different in here.

[ Angry Grumbling ]

Hi. We have a giant stone to deliver. Sign here.

Ah, very nice.

Much like the 10 million identical stones already used in the future tomb...

of our great Pharaoh Hamenthotep. [ Leela ] Impressive.

- Who's building it? - You. - Say again?

You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep.

Guards? [ Shackles Clanking Shut ]

Call it a hunch, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

You know the worst thing about being a slave?

They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go.

That's the only thing about being a slave. Attention!

You are now possessions of the great Pharaoh Hamenthotep,

heir to the Tenth Dynasty,

bringer of the good aspects of the annual floods.

Incredible! This place is just like the ancient Egypt of my day.

That is no coincidence,

for our people visited your Egypt thousands of years ago.

I knew it! Insane theories, one. Regular theories, a billion.

We learned many things from the mighty Egyptians,

such as pyramid building, space travel...

and how to prepare our dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.

[ Chuckling ] Also Wolfman.

[ Wolf Whistle ] Look at these swanky tombs.

These people really know how to die. Are you crazy?

They worked thousands of people to death to make these stupid monuments.

Hey, you spend your whole life building a guy's toe, you're gonna remember him.

[ Screams ]

I think I'm gonna like it here.

Yeah, I noticed your sign. I thought I'd learn a bit about your program here.

What we do is make you starve to death.

[ Grunting ]

One, two, three! Pull!

[ All Grunting ] One, two, three! Pull!

[ Australian Accent ] Ah, bloody chunder!

Pick it up, people. We're enslaved here to do a job!

Master, do we have to count to three every time?

Couldn't we just count to one? Or better yet, one half? Good idea, slave.

- One half! Pull! One half! Pull! - Now we're slavin'.

[ Grunting ]

[ All Grunting ] Come on, guys. Pharaoh's counting on us.

Work faster-- like this!

[ Fast Grunting ]

[ Panting ] You call that motivating me?

Don't just whip with your arms. The power comes from your hips.

- Like this! Ow! - [ Panting, Grunting ]

Bender, quit giving the slave drivers pointers.

Yeah, remember who your real friends are.

I'll tell you who I remember!

Anupsis! Pleotut! What's-his-name!

He was the greatest of all.

** [ Fanfare ]

Pharaoh Hamenthotep approaches!

- [ All ] Ohh! - ** [ Fanfare ]

[ Rhythmic Grunting ]

[ Gasping, Coughing ]

Hurry, hurry! Pharaoh's coming!

Get that nose in place! Come on!

[ Loud Grunting ]

Excellent work. I am very proud of all you slaves.

[ All Grumbling ] Whoo-hoo! Viva Hamenthotep!

And now I have a grand announcement.

In honor of your achievement, you are all hereby--

[ Gasping ] No!

[ Grunting ]

Tell the slaves they can all go.

Go faster? I told them, but they're so damn lazy.

No. I mean they are all free.

Freeloading off you? I agree.

No. I-- [ Gasping ]

Pharaoh Hamenthotep is dead.

[ Sobs ] He's whippin' angels now.

[ Inhales, Sighs ]

[ All Grunting, Groaning ]

We commend the body of the great Hamenthotep...

to the abode of the damned.

The damned good-looking.

Pharaoh commanded me to tell that joke at his funeral.

[ Grunting ]

[ Sobs ] I'll always remember you, Hamenthotep!

To equip Pharaoh for his journey,

we bury him with his favorite possessions, such as his heart and liver...

and the many goods he left in his royal garage.

Also, this bag of cats our culture considers holy. [ Meowing ]

[ Screeching ] [ Thuds ]

* Pharaoh, my god king

* You are cold and deceased *

* Are you still half insane

* P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets *

* But the years went by and Pharaoh died *

* Susie went and joined him in the afterlife-- **

[ Grunts ] [ Clattering ]

Hamenthotep is gone. The time to designate a new pharaoh is at hand.

[ Crowd ] Ooh! [ Bender ] Wow.

At dawn tomorrow, the high priest will consult the Wall of Prophecy...

to determine Hamenthotep's successor.

- Whoo! - That concludes the funeral.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead!

Yes, tonight we are slaves to no one,

except the rhythm.

[ All Whooping ] [ Leela ] Yeah! Play those bongos.

I'm gonna spin till I fall down! Whoo-oo-oo!

[ Sinister Chuckling ]

[ Barking ]

We interrupt this ancient prophecy to bring you a late-breaking bulletin.

[ Grunting ]

Great Wall of Prophecy,

reveal to us God's will that we may blindly obey.

[ Together ] Free us from thought and responsibility.

We shall read things off you.

Then do them.

Your words guide us. We're dumb.

You know what else stinks about being a slave? The hours.

The prophecy is strange and crudely drawn, at best.

It indicates that we are here...

and our next pharaoh is over there near some... tents.

[ Bender ] Those are weeds, jackass!

It's supposed to be a river! [ All Murmuring ]

Hey, I think I know who the next pharaoh is. Oh, Lord.

We hear your voice, oh great Pharaoh.

Reveal yourself to us. Behold!

I have emerged from the place of spells and fairies.

[ Crowd Gasping ]

It is he, just as the Wall of Prophecy prophesied.

[ Murmuring ]

Long live Pharaoh Bender!

[ Together ] Long live Pharaoh Bender!

This society is a bunch of idiots.

People of Osiris Four,

please welcome a man who started as a slave,

but worked his way up to lord of all creation,

our new pharaoh... Bender!

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Citizens of me!

The cruelty of the old pharaoh is a thing of the past.

[ All ] Hooray!

Let a whole new wave of cruelty...

wash over this lazy land.

Yea! What? What did he say?

Hear the word of Pharaoh!

Build unto me a statue of ridiculous proportion--

one billion cubits in height--

that I might be remember-ed for all eternity!

And be quick about it!

[ All Groaning ]

[ Grunting ]

- Lowly slave, why are you not working? - I am.

I meant yourself to death.

[ Groaning ] Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.

Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

Crawl, pigs! Ow! Ohh.

The pharaoh has spoken.

[ Whip Cracking ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Bender ] Your task is nearly completed.

Don't let down Pharaoh now.

The great monument is finished, oh Pharaoh, and now... the unveiling!

Hmm.

Remember me!

Remember me!

Remember me!

Does it please you, my lord?

Mmm. It's a good start.

Uh, yeah, it's definitely big, all right.

I just wonder if it's too big, you know?

I mean, are people gonna be remembering me or the statue?

But, sire, we made it to your exact specifications.

Too exact, if you ask me.

Tear it down and try again,

but this time don't embarrass yourselves.

[ Slurping ] Ahh. [ Muttering ]

Wait-- [ Muffled ] I'm really sorry, guys.

Ladies and gentlemen, the pharaoh suddenly died.

[ All Cheering ]

- Good riddance. - [ Bender Yelling ] What about my service?

[ Grumbling ]

[ Grunting, Screaming ]

[ Thuds, Groaning ]

Bender, I really hope that's you, 'cause if it isn't,

[ Wheezing ] we're in trouble.

You jerk! Why'd you have to drag us along?

I wanted to watch you remember me.

[ Machines Clinking ]

Did you really think you'd need all this junk in the afterlife?

Afterlife? [ Blows Raspberry ]

If I thought I had to go through a whole 'nother life, I'd kill myself right now.

Well, rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.

Sorry, but we're totally sealed in.

Nothing can get in or out... except millions of snakes. [ Screams ]

Here, have a pomegranate schnapps from my private distillery...

and start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.

What proof is this-- some huge number?

It's explosive.

Maybe we could escape by setting fire to the distillery...

and blowing this whole place to rubble.

Let's get a little kindling going.

No! You can't blow up my monument. I won't be remembered.

Oh, right. How selfish of me.

We'll just stay here forever.

Hey, Fry, remember that robot Bender?

Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.

- [ Gasps ] - Did you hear something, Leela?

No, but I bet it wasn't someone who was good at stealing.

Stop it. Stop it! It's not right! You've crossed a line!

- Hey, Leela, you know who I remember? - Oh, please let it be me.

That guy who used to bend things. You know.

- Me. Please. - Hermes.

All right, all right!

If it means that much to you, blow up my statue.

Oh, Bender! When did you come in?

Hold still. [ Blubbering ]

Let's blow this tomb.

[ Bender Yelling ]

Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among the living.

How we doin'? [ Whimpering ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Statue ] Remember me!

[ Sobs ] I will. I will.

[ Sobbing ]

Please, just leave me alone.

[ Loud Wailing ]

Bender, I understand your desire to be remembered,

but you don't need a statue for that.

[ Sniffles ] I don't?

No, you have your legacy as a brutal, tyrannical dictator,

and that will outlive any monument.

[ Sniffles ] You really think they'll remember me?

Absolutely.

Well, in that case, one planet down.

Helmsman, set course...

for Earth!

[ Sinister Laughing ]

[ Leela ] That's not Earth. [ Bender ] Oh.