Original subtitles

- Ah! Ha-ha-ha.

- He's so excited to see you.

Do you know what? He's actually like my little pal.

Are you... Are you breaking up with me as a friend?

- I'm sorry it has to be like this.

- Fuck off.

- I'll be home in two weeks,

and then we're getting married.

- I just don't think I've ever really asked him what he wants.

- I can't stop her talking.

- Oh, I like how much she talks. - Aw.

- Yeah, I mean, I wasn't saying that.

- It's a hemorrhoid. It's a hemorrhoid.

Did you manage to pass much from the enema?

- Eh, yeah. Yeah.

Maybe not gold medal but podium finish at least.

- Right. Lying on your side like a baby and bottom out, please.

- I'd make a joke here but I assume you've heard them all before.

- Yeah, we have. Most people say, "At least buy me a drink first."

- That's a good one.

- Just gonna apply a bit of lube. - Yeah.

Ooh, that's cold.

Yeah, but not too bad though. Not too bad.

- And here we go.

- Oh! - Okay.

- Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. Sorry.

Yeah. Okay. Lovely. Yeah.

- Now, Miss O'Keefe, ready for your ultrasound?

- Yeah. Yeah, sorry, I was just, um, texting my sister.

She's having a procedure done today as well.

Anus. Oh, God love her.

- The ultrasound is a vaginal one.

- Up the va...

gina?

Oh. I thought you were gonna go through the, uh...

You know?

I mean, is there any... Is that... Is that the only route?

- Into the womb? That'd be my preference, yes.

Would you like us to step out while you remove your undergarments?

- No, no. It's fine. It's grand.

Um, just to say, because, um,

you know, I didn't know that we would be doing this and...

I'm... I'm clean. I'm just not...

totally fresh.

Like I've had a mint

but, uh, I haven't brushed my teeth in a few hours,

if you know what I mean.

- If you'd just let the knees fall apart there.

- Not gonna buy me a drink first?

- Okay, going further up.

- Oh, lads! La-la-la-la...

La-la-la! - You on Tinder?

- Sorry? - Tinder?

- Em...

- Still a bit of last night's dinner there.

- Sorry.

Em, but, uh, no, I'm not on Tinder though.

I have a boyfriend. Well, he's a man really but, um...

So... Sorry, why do you ask?

- Oh, just... Just trying to distract you.

- Oh!

Right, that all looks okay.

- Yeah. Oh, thank God.

- I'm going to pull it out slowly now. So deep breaths. Yeah, okay.

One second... Ooh. Whoa, lads!

- Easier now you're relaxed.

- Yeah. Sorry about the, uh...

the clamping.

No sign of poly-cystic.

You're still thinking of having kids?

- No. I mean, haven't even got a dog.

We just, um... Just moved in together.

I'm too old anyway. I'm, you know, 40s.

Mid 40s.

You know, mid-to-late 40s.

- Well, no one told your womb.

- Huh? What do you mean?

- Both tubes are clear. You're producing follicles.

You've got the womb of, like, maybe a 39-year-old.

- Re... Oh. Really?

- You've actually plenty of eggs left.

- Wow, that... My... My granny had, um, 12 kids.

I mean, some of them died and two of them became nuns, but, uh...

I mean, maybe I've got her...

Thirty-nine?

Wow. I mean, I've always had a young spirit, um...

I suppose that doesn't have anything... Or?

- Absolutely none at all.

- It's just interesting, isn't it?

Now I'm thinking maybe my acne is a sort of teen acne...

- I'm gonna pop this out now. - Yeah.

Feels like we're three soldiers who survived a war together.

Now we can't look each other in the eye, knowing what happened.

I'm sorry you had to see that. That's...

God bless the NHS.

♪

Sorry to leave a voice note,

but have you seen the bloody article?

Jim has royally fucked us over!

Never mind the photo!

- Oh, come on!

Come on...

Look at my fucking hair.

♪

God!

Oh!

- Hey, lovely. - Hello.

You've never FaceTimed me before.

- Have I not? Oh, wow.

Uh, here I am. Um...

I was just calling 'cause

I literally, uh, just... I bit the bullet

and, uh, told Etienne.

- Um, sorry, sorry. What about? About us? - Yeah, about us.

- I... I didn't know that you were gonna... Eh...

- Yeah. 'Cause I was talking to him, explaining that it might be a good idea,

you know, to change up tutors and sort of get ahead of that conversation.

- So, like, for Etienne to see someone else?

I mean, to, uh, get another tutor?

Um, I... I just... I thought with two free single people,

the only complication was that you were teaching him.

- Oh! Yeah... Oh, you're back... Sorry...

Oh... Well... - All the... telling him...

- Sorry, you're back, hi. Sorry. How did he take it?

- Uh...

Would you... Would you rather I'd let you tell him or...

- Oh, oh, God, no! No, I mean, you're his dad.

I'm just his, uh, was his tutor.

Em...

- Sorry.

Ugh, sorry, this connection.

- Yes, I can. I can see you. I can hear you, yes, yes, yes.

- Sorry about this. - Yeah.

- But, listen, will I see you later? Or...?

- Em...

Well, I mean, God, I'm kinda thinkin'

that we shouldn't really teach him tonight now.

But, you know what, I... I'll sort it.

I'll get someone. I'll sort it. - Okay.

Yeah, it's fine, it's fine.

- But I'd love to see you.

Hey, um...

I miss you waking up here.

- Oh, do you now? Heh.

Well, soon enough.

- Well, listen, uh, yeah, have a... have a good day.

- Yeah, you too. Bye.

Okay, bye-bye, bye, bye-bye.

- Oh, my God.

Hello?

Hi, hello, is that Aine?

- Yes, em, who is this?

- Aine, it's Theresa.

From... from PACT from the Rehab Center.

I, um...

- Oh, my God, Theresa, you can't just call out of nowhere.

Just... It... It... You know, I could be on a...

you know, a loudspeaker at a fashion shoot or... or somethin'.

- Yeah, right, look.

Sorry, I was just wondering if you'd heard about Tom.

- Oh, god.

Hopefully, he did it well. Couldn't ask for better, really.

- You... You don't have to be invited to a funeral, Bradley. It's not a wedding.

- Look, I dunno, just looking at this place...

British people aren't like Irish people or Caribbean people.

- What, they're not naturally musical and laugh?

- With their dead, I mean. We might have to gauge it.

- What? - They don't always

have large crowds turn up.

- But I... Yeah, but I want to go in.

- No, it's fine, it's fine. I'm just flagging it.

- Should we not... - Just flagging it.

- Uh, excuse me.

Hello. You here for the football or the party?

Um, funeral.

- Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'm Aine.

I'm... I was, uh, was Tom's friend.

- Was you?

- Yeah.

Well, em, but we hadn't spoken in a few weeks.

Right.

- And I'm just with Aine. Plus one.

- Everything all right?

- Yeah, yeah. Um, she, uh...

- Sorry, Aine.

- On... On...

- Aine.

- Aw... Aw... Awwnya. - Yeah.

- She was a friend of Tom's and, uh, he's her plus one.

- So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.

- Well, we've done a full lunch.

- Oh, God, no. We've just... Really just come to pay our respects.

You know, just, em, yeah.

- Do you mind if I pop to the toilet?

Is it just through here? - Yeah, go for it, yeah.

- Cheers.

- Is he your boyfriend?

- Oh, no, I have a different boyfriend.

Right.

- So, uh...

- How'd you meet?

- We live together, so we met at Gumtree, actually.

- No, how did you meet my brother?

- Oh, Tom. Sorry, em, eh...

We actually met at... at PACT. So...

- PACT? - Yeah.

- What's PACT? Is that a club?

- Where in Ireland are you from?

My family was from Limerick.

- Ah-hah, yeah. Yeah, Tom loved Limerick.

- Yeah, Limer... Oh, sure, Limerick's great.

It's a... Well, you know, it looks good and it's a good spot, yeah.

We're playing Liverpool.

- Sorry, I'm in your way. Sorry.

- He's missing us play Liverpool.

- Sorry... Can I buy you... Can I buy you guys a drink?

I'd love to buy you a drink, please. Is that okay?

- Gin and tonic. Thank you.

- Yeah, um, thank you. Uh, Jagerbomb?

- Okay, yeah. Lovely.

- You all right? - Yeah. Just ordered drinks, so...

- I might get a coke.

Uh, can you add a coke to that order, please, mate?

Yeah, no problem.

Did she order the Jagerbombs as well?

Geez, it's one o'clock.

Are these both yours? Liquid lunch.

Huh? Yeah.

- Cheers.

- Oh, that's awful.

- Just overheard someone saying, uh, that he left a note.

Wasn't much in it though.

I hope he managed to put a reason in.

For his family, you know?

Otherwise, they're just left guessing, aren't they?

- Yeah, but he wasn't very good with words, you know?

Saying them, never mind writing them, so...

you know?

- Yeah, well, looks like he's got fangs now.

- You think that's Tom's daughter?

Cash or card, mate?

Sorry about that.

Brianna, love?

That's my girl.

Ooh, you all right, love?

You pregnant, bulimic, or is it the prawns?

- Mmm. I'll take C, the prawns, please.

- No, I wouldn't eat anything in this fuckin' place.

I used to work here.

- Shelley, this day, that fucking man.

- Selfish.

He's always been selfish.

Oh, don't get me started.

Oh, see but this one, it takes the absolute biscuit.

I'm not gonna cry.

For that fucker?

No, mate, no.

- Sorry, could I just say something, please?

- Yeah, 'course you can, darlin'. - Yeah. You all right, love?

- Yeah, just, em, Tom was my friend.

Um, like, he was... He was by no means a perfect person,

but he was a good man.

And he loved, and he was really loved.

And I think that one day, it just sort of got too much for him.

And maybe that's...

You know, but he really... He really did try.

And he... he talked about his mother and his daughter all the time.

And I just think that, em,

you know, maybe in life, I dunno, but I think he, um...

I think that this...

wasn't selfish.

- Who's Tom, love?

- We were talking about Des, her husband.

- Okay, yeah. Sorry about that.

- You might wanna wash your hands, love.

- Yeah. Yeah, I would, yeah.

♪

- They're telling us all to wash our hands now.

- I assumed we all already was.

♪

- If Des asks you to get back with him tomorrow, would ya?

- Oh, in a heartbeat.

- That's what I thought.

♪

James!

No, you are not going to avoid me anymore!

Fuck.

James!

- Oh, not now, Aine.

- Don't you dare.

- I'm running late for an appointment.

- Ja... You... No, you cannot... This is unprofessional.

- You lied to me.

- Not to your face!

- Behind my back.

Look, I'm running late.

- Well, even moving forward...

You cannot go into the bank with my ideas for our business

and pitch them without me.

Because that, sir, is fraud.

- Fraud? Really, Aine?

- Probably.

- You know, the one thing I never would've questioned,

is that you'd always put a student first.

- I di... Richard has told Etienne, actually.

And I've sorted a new tutor.

- How did Etienne take the news?

- F... Fine. F... Fine. He's a big kid.

Richard and I are two single people, James,

and you're punishing me like I'm a pedophile.

I'm a brilliant teacher, James. You know that.

And you also know that I am the...

McCartney of this thing.

You know, I'm the lyrics guy. I'm the ideas man.

- If you are McCartney, who am I then?

- You're... You're the other three lads,

Ringo, Bonzo, and Dave.

I dunno, I'm not good at pub quizzes.

Life is short, James.

But it's also long.

And it can be short...

as well as long.

I'm sorry. I rea... I'm really sorry that I lied to you, genuinely.

- Look, I'll send over some times for us to meet with the bank next week, okay?

- Yes! Okay, I'll check my diary.

But I am free. - Okay.

- ♪ We're moving in the right direction ♪

♪ You've been moving on step at a time ♪

Have you checked your emails yet?

- No, I'm sure the crackpots and bigots have been in touch.

What's that?

What's this?

Just a little gift.

- Oh?

Oh, my God!

You're not gonna... You're not gonna believe that.

I mean, is that... Are we really funny, or are we just really unfunny and obvious?

- You can see your eyelash glue in this one.

- It's not funny though, is it? I mean, we're fucked.

- Check your bloody emails, O'Keefe.

- Check your emails. - Huh?

Why are you being weird?

There's a bazillion of them!

- Is that legit? - Totally legit.

There's even one guy whose son's chained himself to Downing Street

and won't unchain himself till he's moved all his money into ethical investments.

- What? - Yes.

Another is a woman who's sick of closeted homophobia in banking

which, as you know, is a bug bear of this particular "brown lesbian."

- Jesus actual Christ. What the hell?

- Should I send Jim a gift basket?

- No, send him a print of my fuckin' arsehole.

- I'll start getting a call list together.

And, um, let me know what size print.

- Oh, my God.

♪

Oh, my God!

Come here, you!

"The woman's plan was successful."

God, what a day you've had.

You poor, poor thing.

Never mind how crazy the news is.

I actually... I had, uh, a friend at school who committed suicide.

- Oh, you don't say "committed" anymore.

You can only commit a crime.

- Oh. Right.

Sorry, yeah. Yeah, he took... took his own life.

- Mm.

- Yeah, he was, um... Yeah, he was a very good friend.

- Oh, my God, sorry.

- Why? - I'm so sorry, yeah.

About your friend that's...

I was just a dickhead there. - No, no, it's okay.

- I'm so sorry. - No, it's fine.

- Sorry.

- Hey.

Come here.

I know you're sad and I hate that, but...

I, uh...

I sort of like seeing you in a different gear.

You know?

It's, um... It's really nice watching you...

you know, unfurl.

- Jesus! Okay.

- What?

- I don't know, it's just like...

men are always obsessed with seeing you, like,

quieter and smaller and more vulnerable,

and it's like, well, if you could all get obsessed with seeing us, like,

really fully happy and winning,

then maybe we'd all do really well. Do you know what I mean?

- That is absolutely not what I was saying...

- I know it wasn't. I know it wasn't.

I know. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I was being shitty. - It's fine, it's fine.

- I'm being so shitty. Sorry. - No, hey.

Hey. Hey.

- Mm.

- "The hen does not eat the extra barley." - True or false?

"The hen gets bigger.

The woman's plan was successful."

So, true or false?

- Aw!

- Hey. Em...

I know you're... you're... You're probably, um, about to board,

but, um, I just wanted to say I can't wait to see you.

And I can't wait to marry you and, um...

I've been thinking, um...

I had this doctor's appointment and, um...

And, look, I'm not saying I want kids, I'm just...

You know, maybe I was a bit stuck in my old scared ways.

I don't know, maybe just a dog.

But, um...

I do know that I... I love you...

very, very much and, uh...

Well, let's see.

Oh, shit.

Hey, um, Charlotte.

Uh, I couldn't say this to your face earlier,

but, um, I'm trying to be better.

So, uh...

I'm proud of us, um...

I'm proud of the business,

and... and what we're... what we stand for, and...

You know, we had a... fuckin' affair

and we broke each other's hearts, sort of, in some ways,

and, uh, we put it back together.

And I know we've seen each other naked,

but I feel like now we've really seen each other naked and...

And that's a great place to start.

So, look, have a good night on your date and, um,

I love you.

What? They're really gonna put us in lockdown?

I know! God!

Anyways...

Does Richard know about the rehab place you went to?

- No. No, no.

But I was thinking of telling him about it, though.

- You know it's nothing to be ashamed of, right?

- Oh, yeah. I know. Well, I know that's what people pretend to think.

- Yeah. Well, no, unless you're Black because, you know,

we don't get mental health problems.

- Oh, do you not? - No.

- All right.

Well, maybe that's because nothing bad ever happens to you.

That's what it is.

- Yeah, that's it, yeah. Nothing bad, yeah.

Thanks for this, by the way.

- Mmm. No, thank you, my God. You've been my rock today. Jesus.

- Hmm.

Mr. Johnson declared the coronavirus

the biggest threat this country has faced in decades.

♪ Light music playing over speakers ♪

- Hi. - Hiya.

- Did you get my message? - No, what message?

- Am I a total goof?

- On my phone?

- I sent you a voice note.

- No, you didn't.

- What? - Shona! What's... What's happened?

- Fuck!

Oh, shit!

Oh!

- Sometimes it would just be nice to, mm, be with someone

you could just relax with as yourself.

- Like what? Like, be comfortable as your current self?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, well. LOL. Hm.

Has announced that the British public

must stay at home to slow the spread of the coronavirus.

This follows the news that 300...

- Oh, God. Sorry. - Jeez, really,

you need to change that ringtone.

- That's Shona's personal one, so I'll always answer her. Jesus!

Hiya, Sho!

Aine.

How long now?

- Um... half an hour

if there's no delays.

- I think I'm gonna vomit.

- You really need to tell me more stuff, Shona.

Just, like, talk about your feelings more.

I don't have as many as you.

You've got like 12. I've got like two and whatever this is.

Shitting myself.

- Don't punish me for being a Pisces, Shona.

- I'm really scared I'm gonna lose him.

You were right though.

- About what?

- Your trouser suit's lovely.

You look like a slightly less bananas Celine Dion.

♪ You're the best sister I ever knew ♪

♪ I never knew a sister like you ♪

♪ And when I think of you and you're my sister ♪

♪ I feel proud ♪

I think that words can save you.

You know, if you hear the right ones or if... if you know the right ones to use.

Because I think a lot of people don't have enough words

just to be able to say what you need to say.

Even if they talk a lot.

Um, never mind, God, if you don't have a language

or don't speak English or have a voice

or an education or whatever.

And if I could helicopter back to myself that day

that was so bad...

that it felt like it was gonna last for 20 years,

but, actually, it was just... a day,

I'd say to myself that while it might not even be the worst day yet,

it's still just one of hundreds of days that might be great.

And those are some really good odds.

So...

Keep going.

You soppy cunt.

- Supposed to be moving.

♪ "Everything Is Gonna Be Alright" by Infinity Song playing ♪

- ♪ Yet I've got this feeling that I'll make it through ♪

♪ Because life keeps going ♪

♪ With or without you ♪

♪ Everything is gonna be alright ♪

♪ Everything is gonna be ♪

♪ Everything is gonna be alright ♪

♪ Everything is gonna be ♪

♪ Alright ♪

♪ vocalizing ♪