Original subtitles

- Like I said, this is not a spa. It's a rehab facility.

- Oi, oi. Take me with ya.

When was your last relationship?

- About a year ago.

- What was her... their job?

- She was a human rights lawyer.

- You've got lovely tits. - No, Tom.

- What the fuck's wrong with you?

- Oi! - What are you doing? Back off, man.

- Not a drunken creep. He's not well.

Eh, yeah, uh, oat milk latte, please. Thank you.

- Go on, Mariah Carey.

I'll have a tea, please.

English Breakfast or herbal?

- Oh, nice touch.

Um... Sorry, just... just normal, please.

- So, oat latte and an English Breakfast. Which milk?

- Normal.

- With cow's milk.

- Whatever happened to normal, eh?

- Yeah.

- Anyway, I'm, uh... I'm... I'm back on the steps.

- Oh, my God! Are you, Tom? That's amazing!

Wait, you mean the...

- No, not... not the 10,000 a day.

Just the 12.

My mum's happy as a duck about it.

- Aw! - She's always giving me second chances.

It's fucking hard though.

- Yeah, I can imagine.

And are all the lads at work supportive this time?

- Yeah, you know, they're good boys, but...

lads are lads. - Mm-hmm.

- Anyway, how are you, Paddy the madman?

- "Paddy the madman!" Okay, that's a new one.

- Um, I... Yeah, good.

Uh! May as well tell you.

I... I got knocked off my bike,

and I knocked my tooth out.

- Fucking hell. - Yeah, I know. Can you see?

Can you notice? I'm embarrassed, but, yeah, so...

But I'm getting it fixed tomorrow.

- I wondered why you was being all weird with your mouth.

I thought you dropped an E for a minute.

- No, I wish.

But, um, you know what?

It sounds mad, but it sort of feels like it knocked a bit of sense into me.

Like, I'd had a sort of bad few days and, you know, and you think,

"Oh, Jesus, here we go again. Has it all gone tits up?"

- Well, I think sometimes, you know,

these steps can be easier for addicts rather than, you know,

the classic depressive... - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

'Cause I love following steps.

Oh, my God! I'm an absolute legend on the dance floor.

Tom, you know, me and the "Macarena." Holy moly, you know? Givin' it.

Oh, but the big news is, is that my, um...

My boss at work, he wants me to start a teaching business with him...

Oh, sorry. Are you...

- Sorry, I am listening.

It's just part of the steps

is that I apologize to people who I've hurt.

You don't mind if I read off the phone, do you?

- Oh, my God, Tom! Of course, yeah, anything. Jesus!

- "Aine, that night with your friends,

"I'm so sorry, I really am.

"I think about the way I was all creepy and grabbin',

"and I'm so ashamed.

So ashamed."

- Oh, God! Tom, look at me.

You... You have no reason to be ashamed.

Oh, my God, I know who you really are.

And you know... Like, God, I was creeping on you a few weeks beforehand so...

- I'm glad you're apologizing for that

because it did make me feel a bit shit.

And I felt really weird after.

- You're being serious?

- I felt pressure, yeah.

- There... Pre... pressure, with...

Oh, that's... God, Tom, so... sorry.

I... I mean, you slept in my bed afterwards.

Not that that's ever... But, like, nothing happened.

So, yeah, sorry. Jesus, sorry.

- I forgive you, you forgive me.

What a pair of soppy cunts, eh?

Do you mind if I just carry on, yeah?

Okay.

"Aine, you're such a gem,

"but they say we have to avoid people, places, things,

"and I think you might be, for me,

"one of the people who reminds me

"of the places and things.

I think..." - Tom?

- "I think... I think that..." - Tom, me?

- "...we're two pained bodies who should not coexist."

- Tom, put your phone down and look me in the eye.

Are you... Are you breaking up with me as a friend?

Did you...

- No, if... if you don't let me read it, it's not gonna come out right.

I'm... I'm not good with words.

You know I'm not.

Can I give you a hug?

- No, you cannot hug me, Tom. You cannot hug me.

Jesus!

After everything we went through together in there, Tom, that is...

We... We're supposed to be blood brothers, you and me. That's...

Do you know what? That's...

- Are you guys all right?

- No. Thank you. We're terrible.

- Yeah, could... could I get a little drop more milk in that?

It still looks a bit Hispanic.

- Oh, my God, Tom! You cannot say that.

Well, maybe you can about tea...

- I'm sorry it has to be like this.

- Well, thank you very much for your apology, Tom.

I hope you really feel

that you got everything off your chest

and that you ticked it, me, off your list.

You can keep the cup.

- Thanks. - And fuck off.

And I hope you enjoy your normal.

♪

What, Gaya, your ex-wife Gaya?

The one you married and divorced?

No, a totally different one.

Yeah, Gaya. She, uh, saw that I was here on Instagram

and... she messaged me.

You know, just for a coffee.

Just feels like, you know, being here and marrying you and...

It'd just be nice to... close that chapter of my life.

- Well, I thought you'd already closed the whole book, honey, you know, but...

if it's something you need to do, knock yourself out.

I hope she's really fat and ugly now.

- I'm sure she is. She... She loved biscuits.

- I love biscuits.

Is that your type?

I'd love a biscuit now. There's none in the house.

Really? Oh.

- Oh, God, I feel like pure shite.

- Why don't you order some in if you're feeling that rotten?

- I couldn't do a whole order for one biscuit.

I am a Catholic.

- Or you can just, you know, pop out to the shops for some fresh air.

- I'm not gonna walk 50 miles to the nearest shop for one biscuit.

Although Aine's gonna be pissed off I'm missing Bradley's fundraiser thing.

- Uh, babe, I... I got to go.

I'm glad you're cool with me seeing Gaya. Okay?

- Yeah, maybe I'll get one of my exes

to bring me over some biscuits and sex. How about that?

- I love you.

- Hello?

♪ "Miss Jamaica" by Jimmy Cliff playing ♪

- ♪ Roses are red, violets are blue ♪

♪ Believe me, I love you ♪

♪ Let's not be apart... ♪

Check mic. Check one, two. One two.

Hello. Welcome, welcome to Justice for Windrush.

Welcome, everybody.

Thank you for coming out and supporting the cause.

- Oh, sorry, yeah. - Sure you're okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just my... My tooth's just playing up, you know?

Oh, God, Brad. This is gonna be amazing.

Honestly. - Yeah?

- Yeah. I'm so happy to be here.

Like, anything you need.

Just want to be a good friend to you, you know?

So anything you need.

- Pass me that spoon. - Anything, yeah.

- Spoon? - Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, is that your dad's girlfriend?

No.

That's Celeste. That's his mate.

- Oh, that's the one you said about the... the...

- Yeah, she's like the Beyoncé

of the human rights, lawyer, activist world.

Oh, my God! Amazing!

Thank you. - What?

- It's restaurant-style portions. - Is that it?

- Yeah. It's, uh, lots of flavor packed into each portion.

It's restaurant-style food, mate. - Restaurant-style.

Yeah, so Celeste, she's been battling nonstop for the victims.

Though I will say her biggest achievement

is finding my dad funny all these years.

So cheesy.

- He's so cute though. I love him. You're so alike.

- Yo, Brad. - Hmm?

- What's this? White people portions?

- Black people food, mate.

- I prefer Black people portions and white people food.

Yeah, you ladies down the front row,

looking fine, drinking the wine.

Woah! I see you there.

I didn't know Winnie Mandela's family sold off all her clothes when she died.

This guy!

Don't... Don't you make fun... - I'm not.

- I told you the small portions would look classy.

Yeah.

Hi, babe. That dress! I mean, that is...

- I know. It's amazing, right?

- Yeah, yeah. - Amazing.

Look who is here, Brad.

- Excuse me. When did you grow into this beautiful specimen, please?

- What you on about? I've always been beautiful.

You're right, looks like his dad.

You're not helping out tonight, Emma?

- Sleeves are already rolled up. - Dad.

- Is your dress... Is that Kente print?

- Yeah. My step-dad was from Ghana.

So the whole thing is just out of respect for the culture.

And also it just... It just looks great...

- It does. - As well.

- Right. Let's mingle, work the room.

- Yeah, mingle we shall.

Also, uh, did I tell you that I'm singing later?

Now we're here for a good cause tonight.

But we're also here to party.

And I want some bumping and grinding tonight.

What?

- Shit, guys.

Oh, my God! Richard said he's coming here.

He says his work thing was nearby and he "wants to see me and support."

Oh, no! How can I tell him no?

- He doesn't know about her tooth.

- It's not funny!

I'm getting it fixed tomorrow. How do I say no?

- Yeah, just don't smile.

- Say no. Say you're busy helping me.

But I really wanna see him.

Will he be all right coming to this?

- I mean, I can't imagine an Eton boy on the dance floor when "Candy" comes on,

but if he's bringing his check book, whatever, bring the boy.

- Oh, uh, I've got a low-cut top with me in my overnight bag.

- Oh, thanks, Emma, but it's not really my clothes.

It's just sort of more my tooth.

- Oh, no, but your boobs could distract from your mouth.

And, uh, I mean I could fix your face too

'cause I've got my makeup, you know?

- I didn't really think that my face was that... bad, but, em...

Yeah, no, um, my... my boobs do distract him.

Yeah.

- What, Shona? I can't talk. I'm in a stress.

I definitely can't come tonight.

Still very, very, very sick.

- Yeah, I know you can't come 'cause you're not here, obviously.

But, listen, will you please donate money?

Because they need all the support they can get, Shona, really.

Is that all? Because I have to go.

- Vish is seeing his ex in New York.

- What? Oh, my God! Jesus! Are you okay?

- Yeah, I know. I feel a bit weird.

- Oh, my God, that... I'll fucking kill him.

That cheating scumbag.

- What? No.

No, he's seeing his ex, like, for coffee. She lives in New York.

- Oh, God! Shona!

Jesus! Grand then. Oh, my God!

Listen, I have to go.

Richard has decided to come

and I look like I've eaten a baguette full of stones.

I'm kind of worried that this won't be his thing, though.

- Why, is he a racist?

- No, he's not a racist, um, Shona. God! LOL.

- Do you need me to come? I'll come.

- No, I don't need you. I've got Bradley and Emma. So, you know?

- Oh! I meant to say, I looked up

why you get diarrhea when you've got your period.

- Oh, my God, Shona, obviously very interested

but I haven't gotten the time.

Goodbye. I love you.

- Thanks so much for doing this, by the way, Emma.

Just like... Oh, I'm sorry.

Em, just Richard and I have such little time left

before his son comes back.

So every evening counts, you know?

- What and you just break up then or what?

- No, no, but it... Like it just...

You know, it just gets more complex.

- Okay, stop talking. - I'm sorry.

But I... I just really need him to love me ASAP.

Just... 'Cause that will really, like, settle my nerves.

- Men go off you if they think you're letting yourself go,

no matter how much they say they love you.

So it's worth making an effort, you know, until you just properly nail him down.

Okay.

Okay... You can open your eyes.

- Oh!

Oh, my God!

- Do you hate it? You hate it.

- I look like a totally different person,

which is exactly what I wanted.

That's great. - Great.

- Great. Thank you.

- Yeah, don't smile though. Don't smile.

- No. - Okay.

- Fuck!

Oh, my God! - Ooh! It's okay.

Hey. - Hello. Hmm.

I can't believe you came.

- I was just in the neighborhood

and I thought I'd swing by.

- Aw.

- Ah, these are nice.

- Richard, please, I'm down here.

- I'm so sorry. Hey, Aine.

- Come on, I need to go get some catering done. Thank you.

Oh, look, two of my bosses meeting. What a palaver!

- Hi. - I'm Bradley.

- Hi. I'm Emma. Hi.

- Hi. - Like the scarf.

- Oh, Bradley, you've already cleaned up the stuff.

- Yeah, well, it's fine, um...

- He's already sold out. - Yeah, I'm sold out.

- Damn, did I miss the food? - It's all done, mate.

- Ugh! Isn't that the guy from your building, Brad?

Jesus, Pat.

Lord, strike me down.

- I gave him a flier. - Thank you.

- I did... I'm so sorry.

- Who's Pat in our list of characters for the evening?

- You're so cute and English. - How do we explain Pat?

- Pat's like... He's like a neighbor. He's harmless. He's grand.

Aine, I'll be, uh, I'll be back in one second.

- Okay, yeah, hmm, darlin'.

- I think your, uh, boobs might've distracted him.

Bradley!

Uh, I'll help you at the bar.

Who wants a Sex on the Beach?

- Bradley. - Hmm?

You know how I told you that Richard's ex was

a human rights lawyer? - Human rights lawyer, yeah.

- This is gonna sound bananas,

but I think that... I think that she might be...

- What? Celeste? - Yeah.

My, God, she's gorgeous.

Like many of you, I had a grandparent in one of those ships.

They... We were invited to come to the motherland

by the UK government... to work,

to join in, rebuild.

And now, here we are, decades of taxes paid,

Britain built, the sick cared for,

and still being cared for.

And now, the Home Office ask us, "Where are your papers?"

It's a disgrace!

- Some random papers from 50 years ago, when people were five or six years old.

But who? Who gets to decide... who's good, and who's worthy of basic humanity?

- Talk the things! - Yes, yes.

And this... this... This "Where are your papers?"

This is not the Great Britain we worked to build.

They can and must do better than this.

Yes! Yes!

That is what I'm talking about.

Stand up. Stand up and clap for this lady. Clap for this lady here.

Stand up for Windrush. That is why we're here.

- You never said. How do you... How do you know her, again?

- Oh, it's, uh, yeah, it's quite a long story, that one.

- Uh, sorry, uh, just... Don't know if they've

finished talking yet. - Oh, sorry, Brad.

I'm sorry, Brad. - I think she's finished the speech.

- Yeah, no, Bradley, that was me. I was, "Blah, blah, blah, blah."

- And I can't stop her talking.

- Oh, I like how much she talks. - Aw.

- Yeah, I mean, I wasn't saying that.

- You do do a lot but... - Yeah, okay.

- fine woman, with brains... and... and beauty.

- And sexy and... legs. - That's enough.

- Get off the stage. - You can't say that.

- I said brains!

- I just won - Oh, congratulations!

Well, well.

- Oh, Pat. Hi, how are you?

- Thanks for coming.

- Sure, Irish people are Black in their own way,

- treated like slaves. - Uh, Pat...

- I mean, Pat, but did you get on the boat yourself

or were you put on the boat?

Because there's a key difference, you know?

- Well...

the famine was a genocide.

All about Windrush tonight.

Please, please spend your money. Please do.

- And therefore I, uh...

Just... - I'm sorry.

- ends our round on who had it worse.

- Who do you think won, Bradley?

- Well, considering you can trace your ancestors

back as far as you want to, maybe us, yeah.

- Hey, uh, raffle tickets, guys.

- Oh, yeah. Can I make a donation with a card?

- Yeah, yeah. Of course, you can.

Em, just put the amount in

and I'll get you the equivalent raffle tickets.

- Hey, what are you doing?

- Uh, don't worry about it.

- Oh, my God.

- Have you made a mistake?

- Uh, no. No.

- Oh, my God! - What?

- Richard just donated a grand.

- That's so hot, Richard.

- Is a grand the price of your white guilt there, mister?

- Ha-ha-ha, no, I, uh... I want to support you, Miss Sarcasm.

- That is so solid of you, Richard, man.

I don't think I have enough raffle tickets though. Oh, God.

No, don't worry about the raffle.

Hey, genuinely, uh, well done tonight. You're... You're incredible.

All this, it's... it's, uh... Yeah, it's devastating.

- I hope you'll be okay, Richard.

Ha! Joking obviously. Well done, mate. Very generous.

- Hey, Brad. You... You made almost 360 squid tonight.

- Whoa! Bradley. - Great.

- That's amazing, Bradley, well done.

Thank you.

- Sorry, um, this is Aine.

- Yeah. Yeah, we met.

- Yeah, that... Oh, that was... wonderful.

That was so moving, Celeste, by the way, and... and you're gorgeous as well.

Eh, not that that... But you know, can't harm a cause, ooh.

- Thanks. Thanks, love.

Oh...

Fucking... fuck!

Fuck! Aah!

Oh, God!

- Hey, babe, I'm just going into a meeting. What's up?

- Oh, what a surprise, no one's got any time for me

and I've just broken my toe.

- You... Your toe is what?

- Forget the toe. I'm completely isolated. That's what's up.

And I'm not coping, and you left me alone in a house with a ghost baby.

- Might you be a bit run-down?

- No! And you're having a brilliant time in New York.

Without me.

In New York.

With your ex-wife.

- Ah, that ghost.

- I probably shouldn't have said it was okay for you to meet her.

I'm clearly... sick and... and fragile,

but I didn't want to be one of those cunts who tells you what to do.

Except with moccasins. You really shouldn't wear those.

- Okay. First of all...

you're not here, so what's the point in having a brilliant time?

And, secondly, seeing Gaya today reminded me even more

how much I want you to be my second wife.

- How was she, anyway?

- She's, uh, adopted two kids and she's happy.

But, babe, she's... she's so haggard.

- Really?

Shit. God, that shit me up.

It's 11:00 p. m.

- Delivery for Shona.

Thanks.

Oh, what could that be?

- It's biscuits.

- You know, you're right.

It does take hours for anyone to get out there.

Hey, I'll be home in two weeks, and then we're getting married.

I wish I was there.

- I'm so glad you're not here. I look disgusting.

- God, I can't believe I said her looking gorgeous might help the cause.

Ugh, I'm such an absolute vag wipe.

- It was a compliment. She's cool. Don't worry.

- God, she's so cool and sophisticated. Like, I can just see them as a pair.

God, sometimes I look at Richard

and he's so handsome, I can't actually handle it.

Like, he's so out of my league.

Do you think I should go over there and talk to them, or is it just too much?

- No, don't do that. Let him do the chasing.

- Well, I'm hardly hard to catch stood still here, am I? God!

Listen up, listen up, listen up.

I just wanna say that I am so proud to be a part of this community, yeah?

It... It means... everything to me. Yeah.

Connection...

Yeah... yeah, you know what I'm saying, yeah?

I am so proud of my son Bradley too, yeah.

I love you, my son.

All right! Come on, let's do it, yeah?

♪ There is no place like home ♪

- As you can tell, this is a much slower one.

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪

- No fingering on the dance floor,

'cause he will be really upset. - Shut up.

♪ There is no place like home ♪

♪ No matter where I go ♪

- And you two, leave a space for Jesus.

♪

- Oh, my God, there you are!

- Oh! God! - Look at you all dolled up.

- James! - No... No, I know I'm late.

And Sarah really wanted to come but the babysitter canceled.

- Yeah, I... Em, I totally forgot that I'd told you about this.

- Oh, no. Don't worry, I kept bumping into people I know. So...

- Great, yeah. - This is like our first office night out.

- Oh, Jesus! - Hello.

She's so jumpy.

Hey.

- Uh, Mr. Kirby, right?

- Yes. Have we...

- James, um, I'm Aine's boss. - Ah. Ah!

- We met about Etienne some time back. - Right. Yeah.

Well, uh, Etienne is so... Uh, she's been amazing, this one.

- Oh, thank you.

- Yes, no, she's, uh, she's great.

I see she's offering you the full service.

- Ugh, James, come on now.

- That's a little rude.

You're absolutely right, Richard. I... I apologize.

Um, I'm just a little bit shocked.

Em, I... I think I'm gonna go now.

- James, come on. Can I just expl... - No, you can't.

Jesus! - Oh, James.

Oh, no.

God, should I go after him? Shit.

Oh, maybe I am a... people.

- Look, he... he knows now so I guess one less secret.

Hey, I don't know what we would do without you.

And, you know, James knows that too,

which is why he wants to go into business with you.

- Richard.

You know what, if you wanna, like, hang out or whatever with your ex,

then just go ahead, just, like, do it, you know?

- I don't understand.

- Celeste, the most brilliant woman in the world.

Your ex-girlfriend, obviously. - What?

- A woman always knows, Richard.

What? Don't laugh.

- Sorry, sorry. No, no, no...

No, uh, Celeste is someone we're trying to land a publishing deal with.

Which is what I was gonna explain.

I... I have to be charming and... - What?

- Yeah. Jesus, what've you done to your tooth?

- Oh, no. Don't look at me. Don't look at me.

- Is that why you didn't want to see me?

- No, go away. - Come here, come here.

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So we're going to my left your right, okay?

Five, six...

♪

That's nice. Here we go.

Five, six, seven, eight...

♪ "Candy" by Cameo playing ♪

- ♪ It's like candy ♪

♪ I can feel it when you walk ♪

♪ Even when you talk it takes over me ♪

♪ You're so dandy ♪

- Oh, Richard.

You don't dance.

- I never said that.

- No? - No.

No, I do... I do like to dance. - Mm-hmm?

Just in a...

quieter, slower way.

This is the "Candy."

Let me see you dance.

- He's bad.

Look at you, lookin' at me.

And I'm lookin' at you.

♪

- ♪ This stuff is starting now This stuff is starting now ♪

♪ This stuff is starting now Hoo ♪

♪ My eyes roll in my head ♪

♪ I toss and turn in my bed ♪

♪ In the morning when I think about you ♪

♪ Yes, I do ♪

♪ Simply put You're the reason why ♪

♪ Even though I'm real shy ♪

♪ You're so dandy... ♪