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♪ Happy Birthday to you
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♪ Happy Birthday, dear George
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♪ Happy Birthday to you. ♪
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Isn't it great to be 327? No!
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Sorry, Janet. Candles were lovely.
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With 300, the girl at Tesco's
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All you need's a chicken, a knife...
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In Northolt(?)...George,
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What's tomorrow? Nothing. (I didn't
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Who wants some more cake?
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Bet I know where you are,
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Just rescued someone being savaged
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More like a high-pitched scream.
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I made this. Do you want it?
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No, thank you. Janet...
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How would you feel
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Changed? Yeah,
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I'm a woman, we don't go straight
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It's what's inside that counts.
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Sort of...
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George, what happened?
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Don't worry, Janet. It's normal.
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Normal?! Yeah, for Ultronian heroes.
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After exactly 327 years,
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What do you mean, "runs out"?
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Be calm. It's perfectly normal.
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Not too bad, is it?
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I'm the same fun-loving 327-year-old
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I can see that. Just as fit and
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Yeah, by sitting on it.
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George, will you be like this
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I wouldn't say that. They might
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Janet... you will still love me,
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Good, cos Arnie said you'd be
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Uh-oh! Gotta go.
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We'll have an early night, eh?
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Oh! I know how you always liked
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Hurry back!
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Next piece of scum to ask
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What number are you? 583.
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I hope you brought sandwiches.
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Mrs Raven, are you OK?
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If it weren't for this love token
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Where's Piers? Interviewing
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Weird? I want to spend more time
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When I had the triplets, I asked my
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Will the owner of car registration
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Why? Is it blocking the entrance?
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Thank you for coming in. I'll be
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Hi, Janet. Hi, Rhoda! She's
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A job like this
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Ah... Miss...
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Miss Fanthorpe? Yes.
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Dr Piers Crispin. It is such
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I thought your special
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That yukky chest thing.
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Those pictures of diseased lungs -
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Yes, well, do come this way.
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And now you're interviewing me
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I think you mean icon.
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He's just like on the telly.
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Me arm's still bruised
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When he said part time,
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That's men for you - totally bloody
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Mrs Raven, were there times when
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But I shouldn't have
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That's fantastic!
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Not as lucky as him(!)
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It isn't over. I've passed part one,
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Make sure you drink plenty
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Now, Hayley, these are patients.
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But if you have any problems...
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Piers, can I have a little word?
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Isn't she delightful? Florence
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Are you SURE she's
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Miss Fanthorpe... You can call
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How do you change a colostomy bag?
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Sounds good to me.
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See you this evening, Hayley.
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Well, I'm not working with her.
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Right, I'll work with her.
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BUZZER SOUNDS
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14. What about 13?
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Hi, Janet. Hi, how are you?
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Still got all your teeth?
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Right.
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God, you look so lovely lying there.
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Janet, this morning, you did mean
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Good, cos when you think about it,
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Janet... George, that is not
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Shall we start again?
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George, I know some women can be
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But I'm not Catherine Zeta Jones.
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You're quite pretty with a bit
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I can do everything
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Nah! You could get used to it?
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I got used to you sleeping with your
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And those crinkly patches on your
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I could talk to the Ultron Council.
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Yes, don't worry darling,
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But, you have to admit,
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Yes, George, I'll give you that.
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COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
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Hi, Arnie.
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Where's George? In the bathroom.
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Hi, Janet, won't be a mo.
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And don't worry, your problems
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So you saw the Ultron Council?
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Even better, Janet,
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I'm no longer old.
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That's brilliant.
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Like a new man. Good.
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You won't need this hair restorer,
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A-A-H!
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What? It's the hair. I can get it...
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I'm me, Janet. Great, isn't it?
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George? What happened?
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When the old body wears out, you get
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Look, it's got...
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Is it?
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Arnie, she doesn't like this one.
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There's got to be one she likes.
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Come on, you guys.
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Janet, I see you've been around the
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Here's the entire range,
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Feel! The skin's hardly dry.
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Give him a test drive.
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Janet, just pick one you like and
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Absolutely nothing on the clock.
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Hello, Janet.
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Ignore the rubbish he's talking -
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What's he like for size? I beg your
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I really do not like this, George.
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I thought you wanted me
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It's you I love, George. If you
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and I'm sure there's a downside...
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It'd still be me, Janet.
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Yeah, that's the downside.
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I just don't like it, George.
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Please say you love me, too.
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Lesbian.
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OK, lads, back you go.
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ALL: Bye, Janet. Bye, Janet.
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They don't make the George Sunday
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There's no demand. There's one in
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You don't wanna know. Where did
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George, what are we gonna do?
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Don't worry. I don't look that old.
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We'll tell people
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Ah!!!
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Quite a lot of stress.
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BUZZER SOUNDS
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No.
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BUZZER
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Hang on! Too slow.
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Wait till it comes around again.
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Stanley. Is it the haemorrhoids?
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No. It's personal, Mrs Raven.
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Don't say another word - I'll read
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Mrs Kenton, you'll
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If you're into lingering pain.
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How's George? He hasn't been in here
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No, he's drooling at home. I mean,
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Oh, yeah? My husband used to come
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Why didn't you believe him?
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Well, I don't think George is up
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What? Nothing!
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I'm sorry, Stanley. I wish I could
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Dad, are you OK? It's confidential,
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And you've prescribed his wife
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The combination could be lethal.
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I'll give you some Prozac, instead.
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Piers.
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I never realised the nurse's outfit
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without Nurse BARBIE.
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Now, Hayley, get yourself
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I never got one.
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Hayley, if there's the tiniest thing
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Well, there is just one tiny thing,
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Could Janet handle them? I don't
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Sounds fair enough. You don't mind
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That's her dad!
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You what?
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How dare you?!
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He may look old, but there's
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Well, he's family
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You have to sit opposite that
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He had bits hanging off him
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What a bitch!
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Right, she's gotta go. You're
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'There's concern about Thermoman.
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'Eyewitnesses report that he finally
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'but only after 22 toilet visits.'
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I'm back, Janet.
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Oh, George, this old age
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OLD, GRAVELLY VOICE: Nonsense.
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As long as I have a nap after
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Did you get the People's Friend?
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You were late getting
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I'm still flying fast. I got to that
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I know. And why did you go?
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To ask them to turn the music down.
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That's ridiculous.
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Oh, Lord. Who now? Hang on.
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Oh, no, it's your parents.
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I said you were your grandfather.
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Say hello and don't be rude!
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Being old doesn't mean
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Hello, darling. Hello. I told your
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Oh, hello.
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I don't believe we've met. I'm Ella,
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George's grandfather.
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Janet's told me all about you.
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It's nice to meet some old people
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We're not that old. I've still got
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Janet mentioned you wanted
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The man's rambling!
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Oh, so you're a George, too, same as
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I was named after him
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Must make life confusing.
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So, where is George?
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I'm here. No, her George.
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The daft one. The young, daft one.
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I haven't seen him about. Is he OK?
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His marbles?
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It's nice for Ollie
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You're right. When he's older,
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Really?! Is your father still alive?
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No, of course not. He's dead,
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Bye, Janet... Come along, Stanley.
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That poor child.
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I'm sorry, now they think
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I'm still the same person inside.
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I haven't been very understanding.
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You mean that? Let me show you.
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Oh, and about lunch...
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Looks like he's having his already!
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I had something stuck in my plate...
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Relatives are meant to kiss.
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What have you got that I haven't and
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I demand to know what's going on.
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George and I have split up
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Mum! Mum!
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I wouldn't,
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In a moment of insanity, I said I
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So, now it'll be all over Northolt.
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Does George know? Know what? You're
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For goodness' sake! I AM George.
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My God, no wonder you look old!
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ALL: Tyler...
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Don't worry, Master, you're better
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I am married to someone old enough
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There is one thing, but it's very
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You could go through
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Been there, done that,
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What is it? It alters the temporal
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Ultronian women use it sometimes
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Her Earth name's Joan Collins.
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Right, I'm going through, Janet.
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It's sweet of you to say so,
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Bye, Janet. Wish me luck.
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Oh, my God, what have I done to you?
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It had better work!
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I'm not using your toilet again!
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Here, let me... Thanks.
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TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS
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Same time next week, Mr Cosgrove,
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What's all this?
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Ah!
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Mrs Raven, you look wicked!
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I AM wicked. What's going on?
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It was Hayley's brilliant idea.
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No, you tell her, Piersy.
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Do I have to get out me thumb
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I've been thinking about what's
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So I've set up a well-guy clinic.
277
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:18,959
SWITCHES MUSIC OFF
278
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:25,959
Piers, my sister's working
279
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,959
What? Your sister, eh?
280
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,959
Ah, look!
281
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:36,959
If you need counselling for your
282
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:43,959
I don't need counselling.
283
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,319
Where is he? Collecting his telegram
284
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:52,959
I think you're disgusting. You make
285
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:58,159
Mrs Raven, I can't tell you why,
286
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:05,959
Oh, Janet, all I'll say is
287
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,959
And you'll get no sympathy from me.
288
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:14,959
You should be with someone
289
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:19,959
You Dr Crispin? Yes, wassu-u-u-p?!
290
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:25,959
You've been sniffing round
291
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:31,959
Hayley says you can't keep your
292
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,159
Yes! Yes!
293
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:39,959
Either she goes or you go.
294
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:46,479
Not the face. Please don't mark
295
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,959
Right. This is between you and me.
296
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:55,959
I'll sack her now,
297
00:24:57,960 --> 00:24:59,479
Hayles.
298
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,959
Thanks, Bob. Any time, Mrs R.
299
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,959
I told you I'd sort her.
300
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,479
Did you see the bum on that?
301
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:24,959
Ollie, have you been flying off
302
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,159
Mum, I'm trying to sleep.
303
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,959
George!
304
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,959
I think I went back a bit too far.
305
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:41,959
Great(!) Now, I've got two babies.
306
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,959
Spoilsport!
307
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,959
Dad, do you want any help
308
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:52,959
Don't be cheeky. I'm still your
309
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,959
What about me? I asked her first.
310
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,959
She likes me best. She liked me
311
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,959
Will you two stop it! He started it.
312
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,959
Did not. You did, too.
313
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,959
Quiet! Just let me think.
314
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:12,959
George, you're going back into the
315
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:17,959
No, not for that. You're going to
316
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:24,959
But, Janet, it's seriously flawed.
317
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,959
In you go. OK, bye, Janet.
318
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:35,999
Janet! If this doesn't work,
319
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,999
I hope you know what you're doing?
320
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,959
Yeah, you and me both.
321
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,639
No, Mum,
322
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,959
What do you mean,
323
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:56,959
Well, just close your eyes
324
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:01,959
George?
325
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,799
Hi, Janet. Oh, George, you're back.
326
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:12,959
Well, almost - thank goodness the
327
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,959
Not that anyone would want it.
328
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:24,959
Well, I'm sure we can live
329
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,959
Come on, George, I'm your wife.
330
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,959
Oh... my... God!
331
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:50,959
In a way it'll bring us closer
332
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:55,959
And we can make love even when
333
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,959
Only joking!
334
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,959
SQUELCHES AS HE UNWINDS
335
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:05,799
I managed to mend it. Oh, George...
336
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:10,959
Nearly - I need to fix my tongue.
22255
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