All language subtitles for MV5BZWRmM2Z

- I learned
so much about myself,

so much about what I wanted
and who I wanted to be.

That is the best
part of dancing.

You just feel so powerful
and it is empowering.

- I am all work mode.

As soon as I hit that
building, it's all work mode.

I'm not Yasmine anymore,
I'm Ruby, and Ruby,

she's whatever she needs
to be to get the bag

at the end of the day.

- I would say
that I'm the default

when you think of a stripper,

I feel like I'm everyone's type.

I started making
so much more money

when I stopped putting
pressure on myself.

I try not to care about
how much I make in a night,

but $5,000, that's
a great night.

- When I dancing
up on the pole in the air,

doing anything, I'm
really just within myself,

within my body.

I could forget about
everything else

that's going on in the world.

- Pole dancing
is definitely an art.

I'm really an entertainer.

I go in with the mindset
that I just want to entertain

from women to men.

Ultimately, I'm trying to
sell a fantasy at work.

Being able to walk into a
place and leave with $10,000

within five to eight hours,

only in this type of
business does that happen.

- Now
that we're in a pandemic

and get to find extra
areas of revenue,

and one of my forms of revenue
is filming content at home.

So, I got to bring
the club home with me,

which was fucking awesome.

'Cause then I'm in
control of everything.

- Vegas is a city, of course,

but I wouldn't even
call it a metropolis,

I would call it a fantasy land
in the middle of the desert.

There's something about the
feeling you get in the city

where everything is
larger than life,

it's covered in lights,
everything is the
biggest, the best.

The whole city of
Vegas is designed

around entertainment,
and strippers

are part of that entertainment.

There's around 20,000
strippers that live in Vegas,

and that's insane, that's
larger than some cities.

20,000 strippers.

- I am born and raised

in Las Vegas, Nevada.

It's really not
all glitz and glam.

People are still dying
on our streets every day,

just like anywhere else.

Growing up, my mom
worked two to three jobs

at all times to support
me and my brothers.

So I just had a sense of
responsibility instilled

in me from a young age.

I kept myself occupied by
taking AP and honors classes.

I did whatever sport I could do.

I participated in clubs, on
top of being a part of sports.

I did get scholarships, over
$76,000 worth of scholarships,

over three schools.

- Growing up, my dad did a
lot of show business work.

He also was in the circus
for much of my life.

Growing up, my dad was
in a unicycle troupe

called The King Charles Troupe.

It consisted of all my
uncles, they rode unicycles.

My early memories of
my dad were very good.

We grew up around
some exciting stuff,

some stuff that most kids
don't ever get to see.

It trickled down to all
of his kids as well.

So, we all know how
to ride the unicycle.

- By the time I
could remember it,

I think maybe I
was three or four.

Modeling was always something

that was already there.

My mom had me in
baby modeling things,

and I just remember
taking pictures.

We would have little
mini photo shoots outside

and take pictures, I would
dance around the living room,

get dressed up in all
of her scarves and hats.

Every kid wants to fit in.

I don't think
there's a single kid

that doesn't wanna fit in.

I wasn't the popular
kid, I was kinda shy.

Certain people wouldn't
hang out with me

because I wasn't hood enough.

And then certain people
wouldn't hang out with me

because I was of color.

So I kinda just stayed
focused on my world,

and my artistic world,
and my creative world.

And that worked for me.

- My teenage years

were really rough, I was
on my own most of the time.

Middle school hit, and I had
just gotten out of foster care.

I kinda grew up in the hood
to where I got beat up a lot.

I had to learn how
to fight on my own.

Fighting for myself physically,

but also mentally
fighting for myself.

I was really depressed, I was
really socially just confused.

Give it to me.
- Get up.

- That's it,
come on, get up.

- I just wanted to be
wanted by somebody.

I just didn't know how to be me.

- I actually used to
joke when I was younger

that I would make a bomb ass
stripper, and I am .

I had a really good childhood.

My parents put me into
dance, did ballet,

contemporary, tap,
jazz, hip hop.

When I was seven, I got onto
the dance company at my studio.

When I got into high school,

I was on the dance
company there.

I traveled, I competed and
performed everywhere I could.

- I actually learned how to swim

before I learned how to walk.

I was one of the best swimmers
in my town, in my county.

And so, it made me
feel really important.

It made me feel like it could
be a way out of the life

that I was living at home.

And so, I had it in my mind
from a really young age

that this is something that
could take me to college

or this is something that
could really help me in life.

And I liked feeling like
I was good at something.

But I wound up getting
a full ride scholarship

to UC Santa Cruz.

I was the first person on
my mom's side of my family

that went to college.

And so, there was a
pressure to graduate.

- My sister, Angel, inspired
me a lot when she took me

to my first bachelor party.

I think I was 16 and it was
crazy, it was fun, it was lit.

My sister had been a
dancer for a while.

She started dancing
when she turned 18.

She's the one who really
opened up that world for me.

I was just so inspired,
she did so amazing.

She was so good at the pole.

And my biggest dream was
to learn pole tricks.

That's when it all started.

And I knew at that time,
okay, when I'm of age,

this is what I'm gonna
do, I'm gonna find a club.

I'm gonna go dance one day.

One day, I said,
"Okay, let's do it."

I bought my ticket,
I left my mom.

I left all that bullshit behind,

and went to Vegas,
and never looked back.

- So, when I started dancing,

it brought back that
feeling of competition,

you're competing for money
and praise on the tip rail.

And it made me feel alive again.

It brings you that feeling

like you're about to go do
a gymnastics competition

and there's a stadium
full of people watching,

and you have to perform.

Literally, the second they
called my name on stage,

it was go time.

- Miss
September Reign.

- When I was 18,

when I first started
thinking about dancing,

I was with my daughter's
dad at the time.

And I asked him,
"What should I do?"

He got me a pole.

And we put it up in
our one bedroom weekly.

And I practiced and practiced
and practiced for weeks,

for months before I was
able to build the courage

to go into my first club.

So by the time I went
into my first club,

I already knew what I was doing.

And it's because I thought
that that's how it was,

that everybody knew
what they were doing,

and boy, was I wrong.

- I didn't know pole tricks,
I didn't know anything.

I just knew that I
knew how to dance

and I was going to
make it .

My first night
dancing, I made $200

and I was doped,
I was so excited.

- When I first started

making money, it was coming
really quick because,

like I said, I knew how
to pole dance already.

And that was my thing.

I realized very quickly that
my body talks to my customers.

I learned that that
was my moneymaker.

The money was flying, it
was coming in really quick.

My first $1,000 I think I made
on my second or third night.

So, I knew I was just
destined for Vegas.

- I was in five AP classes my
senior year of high school,

and the AP tests were expensive,

and I needed to get a
job to pay for them.

So I started dancing

when I was 17 at
a bar in my town.

They asked me if I
was 18, I said, yes,

they didn't check ID, so
it wound up working out.

And it opened me up to a lot
of experiences performing

that I probably wouldn't
have gotten otherwise.

I was spitting fire,
I was dancing on bars.

I was learning the
basics of pole dancing.

My second year of college,

I started dancing at
a very small club.

It was a pretty tight
knit group of girls.

It was the first time I
had a group of girlfriends

that I really could
be myself with.

- As far as the girls

in the strip club, don't
trust those bitches,

do not trust those bitches.

I'm not your friend,
she's not your friend.

We're all here for one reason,

one reason only, it's
crabs in a bucket.

Bitches are sneaky.

It wasn't too hard to transition

from my cheer dance
background to stripping.

If anything, it made it easier.

I was already flexible,

I had already knew
how to hold my weight,

and I was already strong,

so climbing the pole
was extremely easy.

I've been stripping ever since.

- Growing up having
this love for dance,

I was always open to the
idea of going into striping.

And so, finally I met my friend

who was a stripper at the time.

And honestly, she got me
to the club the next night.

I just needed somebody

to kind of kick my ass through
the door and kind of help me,

guide me through it.

I wasn't particularly
nervous about the dancing

in front of people or
taking my clothes off

in front of people, I was
very comfortable in myself.

I was more nervous about
this whole unknown industry

that was so looked down upon

and kind of being uninsured
of what I was stepping into.

- When I'm dancing,

it's like I'm in a
whole different space.

It's like I'm in a
whole different body.

Most of my clientele are women.

They love the fact that I go
up there and express myself,

express through my body and
art because it's not easy.

And most women really
appreciate that.

Now, men, you have to
work a little bit more,

but they appreciate
the art as well too.

- Dancing is super therapeutic

and you're able to move
your body to tell a story.

And whether that
story is a sad story,

a happy story, a sexy story,

it's your story that
you get to tell.

And that's one thing that's
really beautiful about it.

And you just get
lost in the music.

And I just let go and I move.

I don't choreograph my dances

and when I'm done, I feel great.

- Give it up

for 2021 Heartbreaker of
the year, this is Galaxciii.

- I love to be
aggressive on stage.

I love to have a
good fucking time.

That is the best part of
dancing, and it is empowering.

- Dance is a part of
the performing arts.

Pole dancing is an art.

My dancing speaks for me.

It's never about anyone
else, it's always about me.

Even though I'm performing,
I'm performing for myself.

- When I do a dope pole trick

and all of a sudden I see
money rain down on me,

it's fucking dope.

That move that I have
been practicing for years

or working on for months,

all of that hard
work was worth it.

- Movement really helps to
kind of loosen up my body

and I'm able to just really
be at peace with myself.

- Here we
go, ladies and gentlemen,

get those singles ready,

we've got Sin City's
favorite California girl

coming up right here on the
stage, let's welcome Robi.

- I feel like I move
like water on stage.

It's like a seductive tease.

I can take thousands
of dollars from a guy

and not even mention sex.

It's not how everyone hustles,

but that hustle works
very well for me.

- Whether you're a
boob man or an ass man,

one of the things
that everybody loves

from men to women is twerking.

The way that I can move my
body, it makes it look so good,

and most women want to do
it and men wanna see it.

So, when you're dancing for
somebody, it feels good.

It's just something that
I believe everybody loves.

- Stripping, there's
a very fine line.

The line is, I never
take my panties off.

We are not gonna have
sex no matter what.

And so, I think knowing
that that boundary

is there makes me so
much more comfortable

just being free and
being hyper-sexual,

because it is a role
that I get to step into

and I do enjoy the
acting part of it.

- The VIP room is really
tricky because in stripping,

there are a lotta
unspoken rules,

and it varies on each club
and it varies on each girl.

But you are there by yourself
and you are half naked

and you're with a
guy that's already,

or a girl, that's
already lusting for you.

So depending on the club and
what each club will allow

and depending on each girl
and what each girl will allow,

some stuff can happen.

- Doing VIP is
way more intimate.

It's hands-on, you
have to really get in
there a little bit.

I'm good, slap my ass, do
whatever you wanna do, rub me.

- Okay, all right.

- You gotta
get what you pay for.

- All right.

- I like the VIP because
I'm a very sexual person.

So when I'm back there,
I'm trying to give my all.

- Cheers.

Don't be scared to touch.

Will you smack that?

I'll be in the back with people,

and I will be telling
them what to do.

I'll be moving their
hands onto my body.

I will be repositioning them,

and they can just sit
back and enjoy the ride.

And that's not something
that these men are used to.

And so, they want
that feeling more.

And so, that's when we go
back for the second hour,

and that's we get
the next bottle.

- I definitely believe
stripping is sex work.

Some clubs that I've
danced at are fully nude,

so that in itself
would be sex work.

You're getting enjoyment and
pleasure from my nude body.

- I average 2,000 to $2,500
a night, four nights a week.

- When my money bag
is nice and full,

it's honestly such a
comforting feeling.

- The best night I ever
had, I made over $10,000,

and we stayed in the
VIP room from00 p.m.

until00 p.m. the next day.

And I charged over
$1,000 an hour.

So you can do the
maths on that .

Physically holding a
large amount of cash

just makes me feel successful,

like I have mastered my craft.

- The first time I made $3,000,
it just made me go harder.

That first 3,000
turned into 5,000.

The first time you hit big,
it's like an adrenaline rush.

Like, you feel
like wonder woman,

like you could do
anything now .

Every $1,000 that I make
is a badge of honor.

I'm a thousandaire,
I'm proud .

- There were times
where I was making two,

three grand a night easy,

I would make that
in like two hours.

- You have some
hits, you have some misses.

That's just how it goes.

That's how the hustle is.

You just gotta
appreciate those times

when it's really,
really, really good

and just prepare for
when it's really not.

- Take a live
look at the Las Vegas Strip

this morning, just hours after
a statewide shelter in place

was declared by
Nevada's governor.

- We're
going to be looking

at a very different
Las Vegas Strip.

- The
business shut down

will affect one of the biggest
tourist spots in the country.

- Corona virus
fucked up the game.

It put a stop to everything.

- March 15th
was the last day any dancer

would step foot on a stage.

- Here in Las Vegas,

our strip clubs took
the hardest hit.

We're not essential
businesses at all.

- All the clubs got shut down

and every dancer like
myself had to figure out

what the fuck we were gonna do.

So when the pandemic hit

and all these stimulus
packages came,

they weren't coming for us.

You couldn't work in an
explicit environment.

And stripping, even
though it's not sex,

is an explicit environment.

- Strippers have to
adapt very quickly

and learn to pivot when needed.

That skill I think
translated very well

when everything got shut down

and you didn't have a
club to go to anymore.

And we had to figure out

how can we do the same kind
of interaction and performance

and entertainment in
an online platform.

And using those skills, we
found ways to make that work.

- I'm a real hustler,
I'm a real trapper.

I'll always have more
than one source of income.

I have downloaded Streamates.

It's a streaming
app for sex workers.

It's webcam modeling.

You don't have to show anything

if you don't wanna show you
anything, it's all up to you.

Oh, that's what
you're saying .

Here we go.

I started streaming, within the
first 72 hours of streaming,

I had already made $500.

They didn't really care

too much to if I
was naked or not.

They liked me for my
conversation, my awkwardness.

I'm making waffles, strawberry,
or not strawberry .

Banana and peanut
butter waffles.

I'm just trying
to get the gains.

- How about I do this
for you, right here?

Give you my Valentine's
Day gift .

I literally bring the
club in my bedroom.

And I've now taken that
toward social media

and my online presence.

And because I got introduced
to taking the club home

and doing webcam and live shows,

and it opened up a door for fans

that were all around the world.

- I think it's really cool

to make my space my
own private club.

To able to create that from
home on your phone online,

and it's more of a personal
one-on-one experience

with other people.

Overall, I love to dance and
I love doing it for myself,

but there's a lot of
me that loves doing it

more for other people.

- Having a pole in my house

has definitely
helped me out a lot.

When I'm at home,
I just like to kind

of really focus
on dancing for me

'cause it's different dancing
on stage for other people,

and then there's
dancing for yourself.

You need to dance for yourself

'cause then you really
start to appreciate it.

- My vibe when
I dance is real mellow,

and I have the lights
as low as I want.

I play my slow
songs back to back.

And I really vibe out in here.

And that's what's
so important to me.

That's what keeps
the energy going.

- Yes, you guys, perfect.

The online classes
made it so that people

could from all over
can take classes

from me like they've been doing.

I've had people the
way in the U.K.,

in Australia, in
other rural areas

that aren't able to
attend in-person classes.

Nice.
- And it forced you

to have to take your
brand seriously,

because it's not a short
game anymore of dancing,

getting all this guy's money
and you never see them again.

You're gonna see them
again 'cause you're online,

and word of mouth online
travels like that,

and you can lose your fan base,
and then where's your money?

- I want you

to grab the rail a little bit,
that's perfect, there you go.

- My name now means
a lot more to me

and my brand that
I'm trying to produce

means a lot more to me.

So, I really try very hard
to portray the person I am.

I'm really good at makeup,

obviously, like
duh, but .

And I'm not scared to
show anybody my bad side,

and I'm not scared to show
anybody my goofy side,

and how I've gotten
from point A to point Z.

Social media is a great way

for everybody to see
how I'm progressing,

because there's a lot
of levels to this shit.

- One, two.

One more, one more.

- So, I obtained and made
sure I maintained photo-shoots

and constantly trying to be
active on my social media

to promote myself,
that's all we have.

It's a fantasy ultimately
that I'm trying to sell

and that I do sell.

So I wanna be something
totally different,

something exclusive, something

that they're fantasizing about.

So, I rely heavily on Instagram.

My first Instagram that
I was promoting myself on

had around 87,000
people or followers.

And that page, I
made so much money.

- So, at the start
of the pandemic,

I was in Santa Cruz
for my birthday,

the weekend that
everything got shut down.

So, I was in
California for a while,

working at the
beach lifeguarding.

They needed a lot of help.

We were facing beach closures.

We were doing 70 hour
weeks during a pandemic.

- Union 93's 14 John
NN3, 108, good morning.

- Good
work, good morning.

- Copy, we'll be in route.

It was really high stress.

On top of listening to
the 911 scanner all day,

hearing about how there's
no beds at the hospital

every 10 minutes.

Northern 14th John,
entering .

We're just gonna wait
until Harbor gets here,

and then you're gonna
get on the Harbor boat

and help them with this.

Then we're all gonna
go back to the Harbor.

- Sounds good.
- Yeah.

You guys get a free jet
ski ride today .

There were so many

more deaths, there were
so many more drownings.

It was a lot.

I love lifeguarding.

I love being able to take
control of a situation

where I might be the
only person in control.

One hand.

I would lifeguard full-time

if it made sense
financially for me.

But I have to be making
money, I have to pay bills.

My parents are getting older.

I have to be able
to support them.

And I think I have
an underlying fear

of being really poor again.

And I'm really willing
to do whatever it takes

to make sure that
that never happens.

But it is stressful
at times, for sure.

- Before COVID,

things were good, but I feel

like I actually started
making a lot more money

when COVID hit
than I did before.

There was nowhere to work,
there was nothing you could do,

but you had to make it work,
so you made stuff happen.

I made stuff happen.

Going to the bars,
and finding clients,

and throwing parties together,
throwing events together.

My hustle just turned on,

when everything shut
down, my instincts shined.

When you grip with both legs
and you just kinda hang.

- Oh, like
a side bar to it.

- Mm-hmm,
can you do that?

I can teach you that.

During COVID, I actually did
start doing pole classes.

Obviously, it was
another source of income.

Legs up, hold your grip,
boom, hold, split, yeah.

And that was another way.

And also meeting other girls

that are down to perform
at events, at gigs.

You just gotta kind of find
where your strengths are.

And my strength
is just hustling.

Hustle was within my blood.

- Okay, good job.

I have my own pole
company, Tricks By Yas.

I do women's sessions,
private one-on-ones.

So, that's fine.

That is my second
stream of income.

I would say I've had
at least 100 girls

over the past 14 months
that have hit me up.

'Cause that way, you'll
have more control.

Pole dancing I'm
forever progressing at.

I always want to meet people

who do teach professional
pole dance classes

because I don't have
that background.

I never took a pole class.

It's always good
to keep learning.

No matter what you're doing,

it's always good
to keep learning.

You can always know more,
you can always improve.

- In the pandemic, I
started doing Onlyfans

because a second
source of income,

they cut our pay
at life guarding.

And I was very lucky
that my stripper friends

are also doing Onlyfans.

And Jesse helped me so much.

She said, "You have
to make your Onlyfans,

"you have to make
your online platform,

"a safe space for you."

And if I'm making it reflect me,

then it's gonna be so much
easier to put work into it,

and to spend the time editing
videos, and networking.

So my mornings start
with a cup of coffee,

and sitting on my
couch, and catching up

with all of the social
media from the night before,

seeing how my Onlyfans did,

how much money did I make
while I was sleeping.

- So my mom was a single
mom, so she worked a lot.

So, I just wanted to help
take care of the family

and help provide for my mom.

And I remember seeing a ad
on Craigslist for modeling,

and it was advertised
as teen glamor.

At 16 $600 a day for
two days, that's a lot.

So that kind of
drove me to do it.

I definitely ended up thinking I

was gonna be taking pictures
with just a bra and panty.

And I ended up being naked

with a shear sheet, covering me.

The makeup I think for
me was more shocking now

than it was at the time.

I should have known better.

We're half naked and
were under the age of 18.

When you're 15, 16,

you don't think about the
consequences of the choices

that you make and how
those will play a part

of your future life.

So, to take that two
seconds of time to say, hey,

is this something I'm
really prepared for?

Is this something I
really can handle?

And understanding that
once you get in it,

you can't go back, it
might change the path

that the younger
me would have took.

- So my mom was a single mom.

We were pretty poor, but
she did a really good job

of not making it feel that way.

We were still able to
prioritize fun on the weekends.

Instead of doing Christmas

where we have lots of
presents and stuff like that,

we would focus on
experiences instead.

It's not Christmas eve.
- Oh, okay.

I thought that was Santa
at the doors or something.

- And around middle
school and high school,

my mom and me stopped
getting along.

We would fight almost every day.

Sometimes it would
get pretty bad.

The cops came to our
house quite a few times.

She was really strict and
that made me rebellious.

- Come
in, you don't go around

like that with the camera,
you just turn it off,

and then you leave it.

Are you off?
- No, I'm waiting

for you to put it in.

I thought it was her problem.

I thought that she is
just out to get me.

And I didn't realize

that she has her own
mental health issues.

And so, I think if I could
tell my younger self anything,

it would be to just be a
little bit more understanding.

There's things that you might
not know about her story,

about anyone's story, really

that impact how they
interact with people.

- Growing up, I kind of always
have struggled a little bit

with anxiety and depression.

Get very nervous just going
outside, anywhere in public.

I don't like going
to the gas station.

I don't like going
to the grocery store,
I literally can't.

I will literally
go sit in my car,

freak the fuck out and
be like, no,

and I've even done
that with clubs.

I've literally driven up to
a club, sat there in my car,

and I was like, fuck
that, and drove away

because I was just
kind of so anxious

and just could not get myself
to step out of the car,

I had to really
leave to calm down.

And I've even been
working in the club

and ended up having to go home

just because it was
affecting me that much.

If I could talk to myself
when I was younger,

15, still in high school, still
trying to figure stuff out,

is that even though you're lost,

you're going to
figure it on out.

And even though people
look at you differently,

you are going to find
somewhere where you fit in,

you are going to
find a community.

- When we moved to Vegas

after my grandmother died,

I started taking
on a different role

as the parent, a second mom.

We had to come to
Vegas from New York,

and it was just a
really rough time.

My dad started falling apart.

I started realizing that
things were getting really bad

around 12 or 13, we would go
without lights, water, food.

I had to make sure
that my brothers

and sisters made it to school,

all while trying to get
myself ready for school.

And I would miss
most of my schooling,

making sure that all of the
babies made it to school first.

Most would think where was
your mom at during all of this,

how could she let
that stuff go on,

but ultimately, they were
doing drugs together.

So she was weakened anyway.

It was a lot more
struggles than happiness.

If I could say anything
to my dad right now,

it would be that I'm happy

that we did go through
what we went through,

but it was really tough
on me being the oldest.

Excuse me .

I'm just happy
that God made it me

to go through it with them,

because there's no
telling where we would be

if it wasn't me.

Fuzzy hair .

- Thanks .

- My drug use and alcohol
abuse started probably at 14.

- Go Mandy, go
Mandy, go, yeah, ooh.

- Pills, coke,
Molly, meth, alcohol.

I would chug liquor like
it was nobody's business.

I would chug liquor
like it was water.

The people I had met,

again they were six
years older than me,

we would ride around all
night, all day, all night,

all day, they would sell,
I would sell for them.

We would do coke all night,
we would do acid all day,

pop Molly, pop E, I would blink

and it would be a
month had gone by

and I had no idea what
had just happened.

I have been hospitalized

three times from overdosing.
- Come on, Mandy.

- Whoa, Mandy, yes,
Mandy, oh, smack that ass.

- Since I was a young kid
hanging out with the big kids,

I just wanted to flaunt,
I just wanted to brag

about the things I was doing.

I just felt the need to post it.

And also if I was selling
it for other people

in order for me to
have a place to stay,

that's what I would do.

Almost every second of
it, I would document.

I would post all the crazy
college parties I was going to.

At first it was,
people were like, whoa,

this girl's life is so exciting.

And then, it started
getting down to, wow,

you've lost a lot of
weight, are you okay?

I had moved to Vegas and
I weighed 100 pounds.

My priorities were
still fucked up.

But as I started progressing,

I started dropping
a lot of people.

I stopped hanging out
with a lot of people.

I stopped partying,
I stopped drinking.

So I quit drinking.

I am two months sober now.

No drugs, no drinking.

Being sober, I feel like I
appreciate myself so much more.

The advice that I would
give to my teenage self

would be don't change anything,

because if I didn't go through

what I went through
as a teenager,

I would be going
through it right now.

- But I kind of
fumbled my bag a bit

and I lost my scholarship

because I wasn't able to
maintain the GPA required

for that scholarship.

It took a really big toll on me.

Depression is a motherfucker.

It doesn't get easier,

and I don't think it
will ever go away.

No one's talking
about depression.

So it's only enabling
the feeling that okay,

black people don't
get depressed.

This is a real thing.

Black people are not
allowed to be depressed.

We can't, we just deal with
it, we gotta deal with it.

And since I was in
that depression,

I started thinking
about everything.

I was like, well,
dang, you should be

on your way to
graduation right now,

but you fucked up your
scholarship for what?

You're a fuck up,
that's how I felt.

You're undeserving of anything,
you're undeserving of life.

And I took it upon myself

to take every
prescription medication,

I overdosed on 30 plus pills.

The person who found me was
my boyfriend at the time.

And had he not came,

I probably wouldn't be
sitting in this chair,

saying this story
today because I was

on life support for three days,

and just waking
up, that's nothing,

but God, depression does
not belong to a race.

It comes for everybody

and it comes in
many different ways.

Suicide is definitely
not the answer.

- Bow slightly, three, two.

Shit.

- I am fortunate that I
have a partner in my life.

My partner is a photographer.

We have a lot of fun
together, we laugh a lot.

I cannot
laugh, okay .

Shut up .

We're both competitive.

We also clash because of that,

because he's a power dude
and I'm a power woman.

Sometimes we're at odds.

We can go all day
about the stupid TV.

You wanna know how
much I disliked the TV,

because I was happily on my way

to go get the drill, remember?

And then you came over and
tried to rub up behind me,

like, babe, can I go
next door and buy the TV?

And remember I brought
the drill over there,

and we've now been to three
separate fucking Walmarts

where the drill
doesn't grab the bit.

- So, that's you hate of my TV,

it's got to do with the drill?
- Yeah, your TV is, yeah.

Okay, so, we're gonna

put that there, I don't
want, babe, stop, no.

- How much I'm
putting .

- I love bonding with my
sister, it's a lot of fun.

It's great to know
that she helps me

in a lot of different areas,

I help her in a
lot of different.

Oh, yeah.

We used to always play cards
together actually before,

even with our mom,
we would play cards.

So when she comes over
and we get to do that,

it's super cool.

- Shit, wait, whoa.
- Don't fuck around,

I know what you've got.

- I thought you had a Jack,
why did I think you had a Jack?

- I don't know, you
saw what I had too.

- I did, stupid.

- Don't shoulder mount
and Superman, if anything,

shoulder mount, leg
hang, grab, Superman.

- Oh, okay, let's try
that, let's try that, okay.

- Leg hang.
- Rob.

- Up.
- Bring it in, okay.

- Up, grab.
- Superman.

- Superman, don't lock your
feet, don't lock your feet.

- See, and that is
where I get stuck.

- Point your toes,
grab yourself up.

- And that's where I get stuck.

- She doesn't really do pole
tricks that much anymore,

but she's very experienced,
so when she does,

she's been doing this
a lot longer than me.

So when she comes over,

I like to teach her and show
her the stuff that I know

and the stuff that I've learned.

It's really fun to be able
to teach her those things

because she is the reason why
I do this in the first place.

- There you go.
- That was really good.

- Did I
do okay ?

- So, wait, okay, ready?

Come on, three, two.

I have a seven year
old daughter, she's
my pride and joy.

She came in my 12th grade
year of high school.

I like that, hey.

The importance of family
to me is everything.

They're the only ones
who know my struggle.

Me and my brothers and sisters,

we get together very frequently,

whether it be
dinner or going out.

But one of our favorite things

are just eating and
vibing together.

It gives my daughter a chance
to be around her family,

her uncles who love her so much.

And she loves them being around.

So, they really give
her a lotta love.

They're everything to her.

Watching my brothers
interact with my daughter

just makes me so
proud that I was able

to one, bring up
loving and caring men,

and for two, it just
makes me so happy

to see that she's
able to be a kid

and she's able to have
fun and smile and laugh.

During this pandemic, it's
really tough on me though.

I'm sure any parent
could understand

what I'm going through
with online school,

it's the most tedious thing.

10, so it's 10, 20?
- 30?

- One, two, three, you have
to look at the last number.

So if all the first
numbers are the same,

look at the second
number, good job.

Having a seven year old
try and sit down all day

is the hardest job I've
ever had in my life.

- Join the party.

- When I say my dad
is my best friend,

I mean that my dad
is my best friend.

- Up to it, down to it.

Fuck those that don't do it.

We do it 'cause
we used to, drink,

mother fucker, drink, woo, woo.

- We can sit with each other
forever and not say anything

or say everything and
still have more to say.

My dad is always surprising me.

His stories, they
go on and on and on.

And they're so interesting.
- I was getting ready

to go on a new kids tour,
and that's when they

had just designed this shirts

for the tour, you
know what I mean?

We selling t-shirts on the tour.

- I thought you knew.

The relationship that I
have with my little sister,

I try to set the best example
for her as her big sister.

I try to be someone
that she can confide in.

I also try to be someone
that she can have fun with.

It's a crazy family, but we
all take care of each other

at the end of the day.

- So, I'm an only child.

So, I have found myself
placing a lot of value

on my friendships and
investing a lot of time

and love into those friendships.

Doing photo shoots
with my friends who
are also sex workers,

is it's so different,
the energy is different.

Goldie makes me feel so sexy

when I get in front of her
camera, and it's always fun,

and I never feel
drained afterwards.

Sometimes I need to be
around people who understand,

because maybe I'm
having a problem

that is so specific to
how society views us.

- And stretch on out.

One thing that I
love about stripping

is the people it's
allowed me to meet,

like my friend Kevin.

You can choose
your support system

through the friends that
you have around you.

And having somebody there while
we're all struggling through

what's going on in the world

can really just make a
whole lot of a difference.

We all really need
is a support system.

And some people have their
families, some don't.

- With adult entertainment,
you are bare.

Once you take that outfit off,
it is what you got working.

And either
it works or doesn't.

Getting my boobs for me

was the best investment
I've ever made

because it improved my
income dramatically.

And I don't think it was
because of my boobs being big.

I think it was a
confidence factor.

I think that when you are
constantly under a microscope

and judging yourself,

when you do that little thing
that makes you feel good,

it gives you that sense
of inner confidence.

And that's what shows,
that's what they're reading.

When you're in that environment,

they're feeling that energy.

Does this girl need my money
or does she want my money?

And the girl that's hot,
that's in control of herself,

oh, I want your money, but
I don't need your money.

And that's sexy.

- I don't feel like bodies
are some weird sexual thing

that you have to keep covered.

I just feel like
it's just a body.

It's not that big of a deal.

And so, getting on stage
and being half naked,

it just doesn't feel weird to
me, it feels really natural.

I wouldn't get my nails
done if I wasn't a stripper,

I wouldn't spend so much
money on dyeing my hair.

I wouldn't be buying makeup.

I wouldn't be doing this
stuff if I wasn't a stripper.

My day-to-day life, I don't
wear makeup, I have a hard time,

I struggle with
having long hair.

I think if I wasn't a stripper,
I would've shaved my head

probably five years ago,

but it's something that I
have to do to make money.

I am a luxury product.

So I have to spend time and
money into being luxury.

I knew at a very young age
that I always wanted boobs.

So it's something
that I did for myself.

It has nothing to do with
the strip club at all.

But I did go ahead
after a few years

of working in a strip club,

get a breast augmentation
and it made the money go up.

I started getting tattoos
at a very young age,

which was a very bad decision.

All my tattoos were between
the age of 15 and 19.

And I almost hate every
single last one of them.

- Confidence is everything.

If you don't have confidence,

you are going to get ate the
fuck up in this industry,

not just by the girls,
but by the customers,

and yourself especially.

These strip clubs out
here in Las Vegas,

all you see is plastic.

And that's a reason
why I do so well

is because I'm not plastic,
I have real features on me.

Perfect.

And you can squeeze my breasts

and not think
you're gonna pop it.

The majority of the women in
there have their breasts done

and they have some type of
ass implant or a hip sculpted,

or maybe a rib or two taken
out, shit, I don't know.

They look good though .

- I used to be a very
depressed person.

I used to cut myself.

I used to do all
types of crazy things.

And so, instead of harming
myself, I'll go get a tattoo

if I really feel down.

And then the tattoo on my neck,
it was on my 13th birthday.

I went to the hood, did it
with a homemade tattoo gun.

It is my Zodiac sign.

No, it does not look like what
it's supposed to look like.

- You can be your own
biggest critic, honestly.

Sometimes I'm like,
yes, I'm that bitch.

I look bomb, I look good.

My body really fluctuates a lot.

You're going to be thicker,
you're going to be skinnier,

you're going to be stronger,
you're going to be weaker.

All you can do when
your body fluctuates

is just love it in
every form it's in.

Another way that I
love to express myself

is through my tattoos
and body mods.

I started getting tattoos
when I was younger.

My parents bought
me my first one

when I was 16 for my birthday.

Just like the walls of my house,

I loved how I could
take something the way

that I see the world and put
it just right up on my body.

It's another way for me

to show what I'm about
through piercing.

I do have my tongue split.

- Hi Ryan.

- I started playing hockey

when I was about five years old.

I liked being aggressive
and pushing boys around.

It made me feel very powerful.

- Whoa, that was a shot.

- I really prioritize playtime.

I think playing just
for the sake of play

is the best thing I can
do for my mental health.

And so, being able to play
hockey and get a workout in,

it's fantastic and it's so fun.

- When I light my sage,

It's the first thing
that I do in the morning.

It gets rid of all the bad
energies that's in the house.

I light my candles for
peace and for protection.

It just helps me set
the tone for my day.

If I don't do it, the
whole day is out of whack.

- Anytime I can take a day
off, get out the house,

be in the desert, hiking,
fuck yeah, bring it on.

I try to keep a balance
of being September

and being who I am at home.

And when you live
in a city like this

that never fucking sleeps,

it is so hard to
keep that balance.

- All
right, can you hear me?

- Yes.
- All right, cool.

We're gonna run it
from the top, okay?

- Okay.
- You ready?

- Mm-hmm.

Making music has been more
of an eye opening experience

when I'm sober.

I am so much more clear headed.

I feel so much more inspired.

My whole entire life I was
saying I've wrote poems,

and my vision is
becoming a reality,

because now I can
clearly see that vision.

I'm not drunk, I'm not high.

He'll send me beats and
I'll go through them,

choose ones that I
feel most inspired by.

And then, I will just
start writing from there.

Like this song right
here, I love this beat.

I started writing
to it the other day

and I just instantly
just started going at it.

And then now to finish the song,

I'm finding some
interesting words

to use just to make it music.

If I'm having a creative block,

I'll open up the
dictionary, just randomly.

I'll find one of the words,

and then I'll use that
to start a verse with,

I'll go to Google and
I'll try to other meanings

or other words that
match with that.

I'll go to the thesaurus,
flip through that,

see if I can find something
more creative in there.

And I just try to fact check
what I'm writing, just in case.

You never know if someone's
gonna fact check you.

So, I fact check myself first.

- That
was a great take.

- Okay yeah.

- I changed my degree to
computational mathematics.

Not because I was good at math,

but because it was
interesting to me,

and I really like
reading math books,

books about math in
terms of the universe.

And so, I don't like
reading fiction,

I don't like reading
stories about stuff.

- My love of reading,
it followed all the way

into adulthood,
to say the least.

I read every day.

If I am not physically
reading a book,

I'm listening to
a book on Audible.

I've currently just finished
reading "The Metamorphosis".

I've read that book for
probably the fourth time.

- I learned how to
code Python in college.

And I've been teaching myself
web design out of college,

JavaScript, HTML with CSS.

It just feels like another
way to use my skills

and kind of abstract them
and apply them to new things.

Right now, I'm working on
a website, just my website.

It's been really fun to
make just from scratch.

Chess is a really a
mathematical, logical game.

And it's funny, I've
actually started playing chess

with people from OnlyFans.

And if they lose,
they have to pay me.

And if I lose, I
send them a nude.

And I haven't lost yet.

- I used to watch
"Being Mary Jane" a lot.

And I kinda took from her when
she would write her quotes

on a sticky note and place
them on her room window.

Whenever I'm having a rough day

or even if I'm not
having a rough day

and I just walk past and I stop,

and it's normally the
first one that I look at

that has the most relevance
to me for that time.

And it's just another
way of humbling me

and just another comfort,
coping mechanism for my anxiety.

- My favorite thing
to do on my time off

is absolutely nothing.

The club itself is the party.

I need to recuperate
from the night before.

So a lot of times, I
prefer to just relax,

smoke some weed, allow
my body to recuperate,

not really force
it to do so much.

- Just sleep, that's
the best thing is sleep.

Just being here
with my daughter,
ultimately being a mom,

it's everything that I live for.

I got her a puppy almost
two years ago now,

and her name is Sugar.

She has a very big personality
for such a little dog.

She thinks she's a pit bull.

I think Sugar helped
my daughter a lot

with not feeling alone.

- My little babies,
this right here is Arya.

I have three cats altogether.

I also have a snake and a gecko,

my little scaly babies .

They definitely have
helped me to stay grounded

and just kind of have
something nice, and soft,

and so sweet to come
home and cuddle up to.

- Denali .

Oh, well.

Huskies are really human like.

They are almost
like monkey status.

Denali played a huge role

with the pandemic and
my support system,

because she's so human like,

that I almost felt like she
heard me and she understood me.

I don't think I chose Denali,
I think Denali chose me.

- So, I live with
two boys .

Where are they
at, boys ?

They're brothers, I
love them so much.

They bring me a lot of company,

they bring me a lot of joy,

and it's really nice
having them around,

even though they fuck
everything up .

You're so dirty, I feel so bad.

- Blake, Blake, Blake,

Blake, Blakey, he is my
puppy, he's six months.

Just looking at him
and how happy he is,

it really makes my heart smile.

- Bailey, shake, shake,
nice to meet you.

We had horses when
I was younger.

And the connection that
I've had with Bailey

has been so special.

Good girl.

We've kind of grown together.

We were both kids
when I first got her

and we were both teenagers
at the same time.

And we both have angsty,
bitchy personalities.

We just grew up together.

And so we would be
running down the beach,

bare back in bikinis, and
we would go in the water,

and we would go
swimming afterwards.

And she was enjoying
every single minute of it.

Zoey.

- I've never
had stability growing up.

- So, we already
talked about this prior

to coming here, but that's
three bedrooms, two baths.

All right, so come on in,
we have an open floor plan,

and then there is
a next gen suite.

- It doesn't even
look that big from outside.

- Yeah, I know,
it's kind of a longer one.

I used to be in the industry,

I used to be a cocktail
waitress at .

And so I know that your money
is, it comes on the track,

it comes fast and
it's in the bank.

So, what they can do is
statements based loans.

So they're able to look
at your bank statements

and determine what you
make every day or monthly.

- I'm just trying
to live my dream.

I'm trying to raise the best
human that I possibly can

and make sure that my
brothers and sisters

have somebody to look up to.

I'm just trying to do
what I believe everybody

should be doing, and that's
just living my best life.

I just want to live the rest
of my life to the fullest

and embrace all my flaws,
and all my struggles,

and everything that I went
through because that's who I am.

- Everything was
a choice for me.

It wasn't forced upon me and
I happen to like being sexy,

and that's a choice.

So, not every girl
wants to be a teacher.

Some women like to fucking
take their clothes off

and make money,
it's okay .

- I really enjoy dancing.

I really enjoy being able
to turn someone on so much.

And at the same time,
I'm not into it at all.

Me, myself, I'm queer,
I'm pretty asexual.

The intimacy that I have with
my friends is enough for me.

I don't need romantic
relationships.

I don't need sex in my life
to be a complete person.

It's not something that I crave.

And so, I don't feel
the sexual attraction

that they're feeling regardless.

And so, it keeps me focused.

And at the same time,
it's kind of ironic.

It's kind of funny.

There's so many
stigmas around dancing

and around being slutty that
are hard to conceptualize

when you don't
have sex, I guess.

- It's the world looks
down on us like crazy.

We need just more
places where we

could be ourselves
unapologetically

and just be able to
strive and be successful.

- Don't really match my
house though, gaso, gaso.

- Thank you

so much, congratulations
on your new place.

- Thank
you, I appreciate it.

What it's like having my
first place is amazing.

I feel so much more stable.

I feel so much more happy.

I feel so much more responsible.

I have only started doing
this, it's been what,

two, three months in the
process of changing my diet,

changing my life, being
sober, being clear headed,

and not partying.

It's all a work in progress.

- I've never really been
the type to think too far

into the future.

I don't even know what
I'm going to do tomorrow.

So, I just kinda
take it day by day.

And I really try to
live in the moment.

Always remember to
keep yourself first.

Decision-making isn't
easy, but it's necessary.

So, always try to make
the best decision for you.

- So one thing about stripping,

I always say it
has a shelf life.

Milk has an expiration date.

You gotta get out while
you're still good,

before you expire.

You don't wanna be the girl
that they threw you out.

You definitely
wanna be the girl that said,

okay, I'm done,
you're welcome .

- It's really cool to see

that some of the life is
coming back into Vegas.

Some of the casinos are open.

Clubs are opening up.

People are out on the streets,

the streets aren't
empty anymore.

There is a sense of hope
that this city is resilient

and strong and that
things will come back.

Vegas will be Vegas again.

It'll be full of people,
packed clubs, all of that.

And a pandemic that's put
the world to its knees

still can't get Vegas down.