Original subtitles

Ah! Inghilterra!

La posta! Inghilterra? Mm! Inghilterra!

Un regalo. Un regalo, eh?

Deo!

Mafia!

It's due to collapse in the year 2009.

You've seen one leaning tower, you've seen them all.

Oh, Robert!

Right, if you'd all like to board the bus now, please. Thank you!

It's that way!

'We'll be here two nights before proceeding to Siena...'

where there's internationally famous mediaeval artifacts and suchlike, like horse racing in the street!

But in summer. We've missed it.

Tonight, a typical Tuscan menu!

< No prawn cocktail here!

No prawn cocktail? I'm goin' home!

If you can eat tripe, you can eat octopus. It's two sides of the same coin.

I hate tripe. You...?

I'm not that keen on India rubber in any form.

You are the Signora Wainthropp? Eh... Si. I am.

I'm Gianetta.

Well, how do you do?

You are private dick?

Detective. Yes.

What is it? Confidential. My mama and papa speak English for tourists. But I have diploma. We must talk.

Is it professional? We're on holiday.

Detectives don't have holidays. Most cases happen on the Nile.

We tell these people you are my penpal from West Lancs.

She is my penpal from many years!

We will talk girl-talk together within these walls!

Ciao, Hetty!

We'll follow in five minutes.

You don't want ice cream.

Silence...? And await instructions. Have you had any instructions? The packet came but yesterday.

And that's your brother? Gianni. Younger than me.

I know this wall. Si? Le conosce!

One like it, any road.

It's the decorations. Spray paint. Rude, mostly. But the occasional touch of romance. You're right!

Bacup Market? So you can find him? Oh, I think it'd have gone by now.

What was he doing in England? We send him to language school. Manchester.

Why not here where Giannetta went? This is Italy.

My brother will inherit the albergo, so he must speak English more better than me.

Cambridge. Si. For one year.

At night he work in a restaurant, not Italian.

Papa insist on English, for the idiom. "Veggie burger"...?

When his English good, he must come back,

find a nice girl with degree in Business Studies, marry and begin family.

But... Gianni don't like to study. He don't like to work.

He don't like to marry! Just like our Derek. They grow out of it. We thought so. Then this.

Have you told the police?

No, no! Papa thinks it is the Mafia.

I meant the Manchester police. Everywhere the Mafia have eyes, ears...

It is their trait. They would always know. But I'm not the police.

Just a woman. They would not suspect you. Are you sure?

Maybe you will find nothing. Maybe they will kill him. But we must do something.

We pay you 700,000 lira for one week. 700,000...!?

About £300. You find what you can.

Then we see.

Ohh...! Ma grazie! Mille grazie, signora!

Grazie, signora! Oh... grazie!

Anything turn up while I was away? Em... Two lost dogs and a stolen budgie. Oh.

Its pedigree goes back to ancient Egypt. How much are they offering? £50 for safe return.

We can do better. We've to trace a young language student who's been kidnapped by the Mafia.

They've been sending bodily parts to his mum and dad... Careful with that duty free Dubonnet!

She's talking about the Mafia! It'll come to no good. I'll ask for danger money. She's overexcited.

What's in the box? Nougat. Come on!

How do they know it's the Mafia? Who else could it be?

As far as anybody here knows, he's an Italian waiter doing language classes.

It takes the Mafia to know his mum and dad run a goldmine in Tuscany.

I don't fancy any food, thanks. Not after that muck on the plane.

Geoffrey and I might fancy a sausage.

Up to you. It's past its sell-by date. Of course it's the Mafia.

They'd have to have informants. They do! They'll have Manchester police in their pocket, I daresay.

So if we make enquiries... We will! They might have informants at the college, the veggie restaurant...

That's going too far!

What I mean is, these informants... They could inform on US.

We need to go a roundabout way, like.

Softly, softly, you might say. Well, all right. Softly, softly.

The nougat's for you. Robert and I don't eat it. It's death to teeth.

Don't worry! I'm not selling anything!

Our aim is to get our nougat into every home. My card!

Torrone? The name of the firm I represent.

That's Italian for nougat. Exactly! In nougat, I have to say, we are tops. At Pisa Airport?

Oh, I brought the wrong one.

Luckily, it doesn't affect the name of the game. Which is...? Public relations, in the highest sense.

My company intends to award a prize every year - the Torrone Prize -

to the language student who has done most to bring credit to Italy,

based on personal qualities and academic merit.

Will you be paying out in nougat?

They don't particularly enjoy the food. But it's cheap, filling...

They think it's healthy.

I've cut myself. Don't get blood in the carrots. We're licensed as vegetarian.

Why did Gianni leave? He was always late.

Usually fell behind in the rush hour and left me with sod-all to put on the plates.

And he needed more money than WE could afford to pay him.

Gianni Pepinetto and Ernesto Torcelli were the only Italians that month.

Rather a contrast! How do you mean? Ernesto's a star pupil.

Gianni seldom turned up for classes and dropped out after six weeks. Did he say why? He didn't say anything.

Just stopped coming. But he'd paid his fees? A term in advance. That's quite usual.

That's it! I'm sorry?

Just what I need. The human angle. Woman's page, with a photo.

I'm coming over all of a doo-da just thinking about it. "Gold Star and Black Spot!"

Will you give me their addresses? It's the same address, if Gianni's still there.

Were they friends before they came to England?

I doubt it. But Italian students always stick together. I tell them, "Find a room in an English home."

But they crowd into a squalid flat and go out at night to find women.

To the male Italian language student, Britain isn't about learning English, it's about easy sex.

But this Ernesto... he's a different dish of... What shall I say? Fegato alla Veneziana?

Liver and onions?

Well, he's serious. He works hard. I don't know what he does in the evenings...

but it's certainly worth your while talking to HIM about your prize.

Where did you GET that outfit? Oh... Oxfam.

And the brooch? It came in a Christmas cracker, I think.

I found it in that box in the attic.

That was no Christmas cracker! This brooch belonged to my mother! Right!

I knew it would come in useful.

She wore it to daffodil teas.

It'll be for you.

I am to bring the money to Manchester. They will book a room for me at the Hotel Piccadilly.

And then I'm to await instructions. And, Hetty... Signora Wainthropp... They send another finger!

Why would the Mafia want the money paid in Manchester?

Forgive the ironing board. Italians are fanatic ironers.

You speak good English. Thank you! The language school says you're their star pupil. They're very kind.

Unlike Mr Pepinetto. Those are his parents.

Oh... Oh, really?

Please...

Will you sit down? I cannot offer tea, but there is coffee or wine.

Wine? Sit down, please, Geoffrey. No wine.

Keep a clear head for note-taking.

Will Mr Pepinetto be home soon? We'd really like to talk to you both.

Em... Three... Three copies of this photo, please.

And can you make the bit with the wall painting separately? And make it bigger? Blow it up?

No, no, just make it bigger.

Right.

He gave up his job, you know, with the veggie burgers. Yes...

You do know? No...! No. No idea.

He said he will get another. He had much confidence.

Great, eh... What is the word for... "on your bike"? Eh... Em...

Tour de France? No, no... Saddle-sores? Initiative! He was ashamed he could not pay his rent.

So one morning he left when I was at school. Just took a few clothes. Left a message on the table.

In Italian or English? Italian. Gianni's English was no good.

Did you keep the message? Why?

No reason! Eh... Handwriting is a clue to character.

His handwriting was terrible. Maybe his character also. I don't know. We were together only a few weeks.

But he has not come back and I must pay all of the rent anyway.

That's Ruby Tuesday, innit? You what? Ruby Tuesday. Goes all along the north-west.

Her and Jack Diamond. You can tell her style anywhere. Dragons are a speciality.

You can almost smell the smoke!

She fills in a wall and then Jack puts his bits in. Spikes and jagged edges and that.

They get Arts Association grants.

WHY? Contributions to popular culture!

And they've both had youth custody for vandalism. Depends how you look at it, really.

Thank you so much! May we come again? If we can talk about me, not all about Gianni, eh?

Oh, I am sorry! What must you think of me?

It's just that in my business, Ernesto - in good old PR...

human interest, heartbreak - - they add such value to the nougat, you understand. I do. I really do.

Ci vediamo! Ta-ta!

That poor lost lad out there on his bike... Well, I've made a note of the saddle-sores.

Do you want me to undertake any medical research?

There's no "prize"! They knew you gave up your job! How? Why?

Perche... Speak only English, Gianni! It can't be the police!

No, it can't be! Maybe some newspaper suspects your uncle!

How did we get into such a mess? We? YOU, Gianni!

Like a fool I tried to help you!

- Let's get home, get our heads straight. - Manchester Our fees are being eaten up by bus fares.

If Gianni's family can afford the ransom, they can afford us for another week.

I don't like it. It doesn't smell right. A bit pongy on the stairs, but he kept his own place tidy.

Let's put the little grey cells to work and lay out the evidence.

What do we know? Gianni Pepinetto enrolled at the language school, paid a term's fees in advance,

set up in a rented flat with another student, Ernesto Torcelli,

and got a job at The Veggie Burger.

Six weeks ago he quit school and his job. Said he'd found another job.

No-one's heard from him since, until...

Until his fingers started to arrive.

He said he'd find another job. What work could he get with his English so bad? Have to be unskilled.

Have to be non-speaking! Unless it was with another Italian. Write that down.

We don't know he DID get work.

The Mafia could've took him six weeks ago. I don't believe this Mafia story!

There's too much that doesn't add up!

Why did he need money? Everyone needs money. WE do!

He had his fees and a down payment on his flat. He had that job... Suddenly he needs money. Why?

Gambling? Who'd give him credit?

You're thinking of drugs. I'm thinking of his mum and dad scratching about to raise a ransom!

I'm thinking of that girl, Giannetta, travelling all this way with a suitcase full of money!

I'm thinking of a cruel trick played on folk who love him, to get money to feed a drug habit!

Your little grey cells do make big leaps, Mrs Wainthropp.

I've noticed it before.

He wouldn't cut off his own fingers and pickle them.

Better have another go at Ernesto.

Ask him why Gianni needed money. And what about Ruby Tuesday? Seems she travels all over the north-west.

That wall could be anywhere and so could she. Young people should stay put. No consideration!

How do we find her? Well... Don't say she was at school with you!

Not everyone in West Lancs was at school with me.

But I know someone who might help.

Right. Give me a moment.

No, no, Jed! Your arm's too stiff! Go with the paint, Jed.

Put that one up here.

That's looking good.

Geoffrey Shawcross. 5B. Freehand Drawing. You were bloody awful.

I had trouble at home! Can you come and talk to us?

We need your help.

You're interrupting a class. You can have two minutes. Ruby Tuesday, right?

You're out of luck. She don't give interviews and she don't answer questions.

And you can never find her. Where's this? No problem.

That's old school. She did all that round Addersleigh. Decadent stuff. Baudelaire, Beardsley...

Still, she had to go through it.

Time's up. Bye, missus.

See you, Geoff. See you later.

You said he was a famous art critic. North West Art Forum.

Oh, aye. He does a column. And he's a design consultant for ICI when he bothers to turn up. Addersleigh!

You'll need to borrow the scooter from that friend of yours.

You have betrayed the trust I put in you. Si, signore.

Lo so, signore. Ma no lo fendero mai piu, signore. Non posso dimenticare.

No, signore. Ma... ti prego... No. Si, signore.

He's disgusting. Sweating like a pig. He can't appear in public like that.

Take care of him. Get him showered and changed.

I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. You have what we want? Indeed, yes. The highest quality.

I misled you. I am not in PR.

And there is no bursary.

I brought you a piece of nougat, the best that Pisa airport could provide.

It's not the same as a bursary, but I shall treasure it, of course.

I met Gianni's parents in Tuscany.

They were worried, not having heard from him for a long time.

They employed me to pursue enquiries. I'm a private detective. My card. You certainly fooled me!

So I should hope. Disguise is part of the job.

Sherlock Holmes could not have done it better. Fine words butter no parsnips, Ernesto.

I'll have the card back, if you don't mind.

I'm awaiting a reprint. Now...

Where's Gianni and why did he need money?

Really, I did not know him so well. He did not, eh... confide in me.

Women?

I don't think so. For an Italian student in Britain, women are not a problem.

Gianni... How does one say? Pulled the birds.

And do you, eh... pull the birds, Ernesto?

I came here to learn English. Most evenings I don't go out.

Do YOU need money? Gianni had a part-time job.

Do you? I don't like to interfere so much with my studies. But we were talking about Gianni.

Right! Back to Gianni. Was he on drugs?

I would have noticed. Gambling?

Horses, cards, roulette? Did his parents say he liked to gamble?

Did they say anything to help you find him? They said...

They said he wasn't keen on work.

I think maybe they are right. But that won't help you find him.

Please, Mrs Wainthropp... believe me. I don't know much about Gianni's business,

but if you give me back your card, I will call you if I hear anything.

Please.

Do you recognise him? Did he ever come in here?

Well, I can't say. You get all sorts.

Do you? Looks like mainly regulars to me. Place like this, there'd be no passing trade.

There are some regulars, naturally. Was he a regular? I really can't remember. But he did come in?

You've seen him before. I never said so!

You've said nothing at all, so far.

I find that interesting. I'm not supposed to.

What happens between a man and his turf accountant is confidential.

Like a doctor or a priest. Problem? She's harassing me. I'm a detective.

Have you seen this young man?

It's not our policy to provide information about our clients. So he is a client.

You can't do that! Council clean-up campaign! Stimulates employment and attracts the tourists!

That's old school! Part of our cultural heritage! Don't worry. She'll be back.

He used to come in. He had a run of luck, then lost steadily.

Asked for credit and was refused. End of story. Refused? It's not our policy to extend credit to students.

His parents own a hotel. In Italy. Hardly a financial guarantee.

Oh, you know that, do you? Who told you? He... may have mentioned it.

I don't suppose you have any idea where he might've gone for credit?

Nobody lends without security.

Took his passport. Why? Stop him doing a runner.

Oh, I've heard of folk like you! Some poor soul borrows £50 and by the end of the month it's £300.

How could you hope to collect? We have our ways.

How much does he owe you now?

Nothing. Loan's paid off.

He paid it off?

How? A gentleman paid it off on his behalf. Man of distinction. Foreign.

Well dressed. Well spoken. Carried himself well. Knew all about the debt.

Paid in full. Gave him back the passport and off he went.

Now get rid of it.

Ohhh!

I've said it before, I'll say it again. It gets the feet, this job!

That scooter's murder on my thighs! We should have a car.

It'd pay for itself. I'm thinking of buying a pair of Doc Martens.

Addersleigh area It's not very precise.

I've been to a hundred walls, and it's the same with them all. The council's repainting.

Robert? It won't be for ME!

Well, I can't answer the phone in wet feet!

You've got to persist, Geoffrey, thighs or no thighs. It's our only hard clue.

Wainthropp residence.

Oh! Right! You were right, then! Gianetta. Brought the ransom money.

We've not got much to tell her. Right! I'll let her know.

And you, love. Keep your pecker up!

He can be so sympathetic when you're in trouble, Robert.

I forget that sometimes. She's at the Piccadilly Hotel, room 517. She says don't ask for her at Reception.

In case THEY are watching. So can you find your own way up?

Have a nice day!

Who is it? Maid with towels! Hetty Wainthropp! Open up!

You work here? I'm a mistress of disguise. Let me come in.

Come on! Wait up!

This isn't Ruby's. Round the back!

Roll me over!

As my associate said...

it's not much to tell. You have suspicions of Gianni.

Yes.

All right... left a bit... left... whoa!

Right. Little bit. Half a step. That's it. Right... Wait.

Right. Just a tiny bit. Whoa. Wait there.

Bingo!

He could not cut off his own finger. I can't explain the fingers.

You believe... You really believe he'd do this himself? It is your professional opinion? Yes.

OK, he's young. Too young, maybe. He likes to go out, have a good time.

He gets in debt... Gianni loves his family. He would never hurt us.

I brought the ransom. I don't know what to do. No instructions so far?

Nothing, except to wait in the room.

Gianni's flatmate, Ernesto Torcelli. Have you ever met him?

Talked on the phone?

You wouldn't know his voice?

Is there anybody in this country, as far as you know, that might have paid off the debt?

Oh, this is a real puzzle!

Something's gone arsy-darsy somewhere!

It's them.

Si?

Papa?

Si.

Si, ho capito!

Si. Io organizzero tutto la.

Si.

Gianni's body has been found.

He... They have... mutilate...

The fingers? Cut off. Both hands.

Little fingers cut... And the eyes.

..What about the eyes?

He have no eyes.

The Manchester police phoned my papa. I must identify.

Then if they will give me the body, I take it home... Please go now.

How did the police know to phone your parents? His passport was in his pocket.

Signora, I have to say - do not blame yourself. We do not blame you. It is our fault, our mistake.

We thought, being a woman of some age, the Mafia would not notice.

As you said, it is not like the police.

We were foolish. They notice everything.

You did your best, signora, but...

you were out of your league.

You have a good cry, my love.

You have a good cry.

Where is she? In the front room. She's gone all broody.

She just sits, staring. I take her cups of tea but she doesn't notice.

I found the wall. You'd better tell her. I doubt it'll help, though

She says she doesn't blame me.

Of course she blames me. I blame myself. I found the wall.

I've promised we'll go no further, ask no more questions, discontinue the investigation.

She's paid us off.

Out of the ransom money.

AND... I know where Gianni got the fingers.

'An undertaker's mute!?'

I said so! You heard me! If he got a job, it would be unspeaking.

Is the undertaker Italian?

I've not found out yet.

He bought the firm a few months ago. Very posh premises.

Francis Gabriel Funeral Services. He's said to be foreign.

Foreign! I knew it! The fine gentleman who paid off the debt!

Are we going to have supper soon?

I could get summat out of the freezer. Later! It's amazing how these little grey cells work!

Leapin' about, are they? Like fleas.

Start writing. Photo taken in the crematorium grounds... Can you slow down? No! I'm in full flow!

I could put the oven on... Who took the photo?

Ernesto. Right. It's my guess that Ernesto got Gianni the job.

And it's my guess that Ernesto was already working with Mr Gabriel.

Should I be writing this bit? It's speculation. Write it down.

I suspect a family connection. Family as in Mafia? Family as in family. No Mafia.

Undertaking What student would think of it without an uncle in top hat and black gloves?

But why should Gianni move from a veggie burger restaurant into corpses? There's money in corpses!

He was trying this Mafia trick to get money out of his mum and dad, but he needed fingers!

Working in a funeral parlour,

the uncomplaining dead were all around. But think on. How did he get the idea in the first place?

Ernesto again?

It's not good enough. I must get it right.

Gianni was in debt. Ernesto got him this job, which paid much more than he was earning.

An undertaker's mute? That's not well-paid! Unless he was embalming as well!

It paid well because Mr Gabriel's staff HAD to be paid well!

To keep their mouths shut! You've lost me. It's guesswork!

Transplants!

When the police found Gianni's body,

it wasn't just the fingers gone, it was his eyes.

Cornea transplants!

They'd be sent abroad. He'd make a fortune!

It's mainly cremations. When they go through that curtain, who's to know they're missing a few bits?

Folks would notice! Might want a last look!

It's EYES, Robert!

Remember that stuffed ferret you tried to buy at auction?

They take out the real eyes and put in glass. Now, missing fingers would be noticed.

That's where Gianni made a mistake.

And that's why... he had to be killed.

How do we prove it? The police will do that. I promised not to talk to the police. And it IS all guesswork.

Ernesto will crack. If he doesn't, we've got no case.

We must have proof.

We've got to get into those premises somehow.

It's the only way.

I think your grey cells may have gone a bit too far this time. I'll go with you.

Oh, no, you won't! Provided...

and only provided we get our supper first...

I'LL go with the lad. You've never been handy with tools.

I doubt they'll be well protected. Nobody will burgle an undertaker's.

Turn on the oven. I'm on my way to the freezer. Wait! I've got a better idea!

Chapel of rest...?

We've come to take our last leave of the late Mr Sutterthwaite.

Just a momentary weakness. You shouldn't have come, Mother.

You're far too sensitive. I had to pay my respects.

Don't worry about me. I'll be all right now.

I congratulate you. You've done a wonderful job.

I've never seen him look better.

Well?

In certain expectation of eternal bliss in the life hereafter.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am Detective Chief Inspector Adams.

Sergeant! Round the back! We're sorry for the disturbance.

Quick! Quick!

Stop that!

Em... Please...!

Your friend Ernesto may be ready to talk. He speaks excellent English. Coming? Try and stop us.

Perhaps we should sit still... in silent prayer.

Did the late Mr Sutterthwaite have TWO glass eyes, madam?

You don't understand! It's a public service we've been doing! There's a need for spare part surgery!

There we are!

Lovely work.

Lovely work!

Subtitles by Anne Morgan BBC Scotland 1995