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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:09,107
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:12,944
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,014
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:19,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,267
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,924
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:30,829
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,636
Hey, where's Cleveland?
11
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,516
Doesn't
he have a relative
in town or something?
12
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:42,051
I don't know, but I ordered
him a beer, and now it's
just sitting there
13
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:44,709
looking lonelier than Alan
Rickman's answering machine.
14
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:54,553
Hello. You've reached
Alan Rickman at 555-0122.
15
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,356
Please leavea message atthe beep.
16
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:03,028
Hello, Alan Rickman.
It's Alan Rickman
17
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,631
reminding you to
move the pork chops
18
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,534
from the freezer
to the refrigerator
19
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:12,871
so theydefrost properly.Do not disappoint me.
20
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:23,848
Hello. You've reached
Alan Rickman at 555-0122.
21
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,718
Please leavea message atthe beep.
22
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,789
Alan, it's me again.
23
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:34,126
Remember that turtle
joke for the party.
24
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:40,732
Hey, y'all. I want
you to meet my cousin
from Jamaica, Madame Claude.
25
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,379
Nice to meet you all.
26
00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:44,680
You
sound like the crab
from Little Mermaid.
27
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:46,516
I had
crabs once.
It's awful.
28
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:49,207
You got to buy that cream
that comes with a little
comb.
29
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,787
Of course I can
still use the comb.
30
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,911
Well, that's Quagmire.
31
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,156
And you know what else?
32
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:55,781
Madame Claude is psychic.
33
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:58,249
She can tell you what
you were in a past life.
34
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:01,286
I already know what
I was. A strawberry.
35
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:05,557
It's another
pleasant day for me,
Peter the Strawberry.
36
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,058
Hey, Mr. Worm.
37
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,228
I welcome your arrival,
'cause we're all part
of the same garden.
38
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,909
Wait. What are you...
Wait, hey.
39
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,244
Hey, get out of here!
Hey!
40
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:24,243
He was my neighbor
and he violated me.
41
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,679
Now I'll never end
up in a fancy pie!
42
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:30,326
What do you say, Joe?
You want your past
life read?
43
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,494
It'll be fun.
44
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,919
Sure. Why not?
45
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:38,223
Okay, dear.
Close your eyes
and clear your mind.
46
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:43,562
Okay.
I'm seeing something.
Joe, you were an octopus.
47
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:49,033
Yes!
Yes, this is so
awesome! Damn it!
48
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:52,270
Oh! That's so cool!
That's so cool!
Do me next.
49
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:55,540
I'm
getting something.
I see you in London.
50
00:02:55,609 --> 00:03:00,479
I think
it's the 1800s. Oh, my!
You were Jack the Ripper!
51
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:08,820
Giggity!
52
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,588
What about Peter?
Yeah, Peter next!
53
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:13,469
I don't think
there's anything in
that black bag for me.
54
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,828
You're wrong, Peter.
Let us begin.
55
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:20,631
Oh, my! You were
a very important man.
56
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:24,936
You were Griffin Peterson,
the founder of the city
of Quahog.
57
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,382
Now,
wait a second,
Cool Runnings.
58
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:28,807
We learned in school that
Miles "Chatterbox" Musket
59
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,655
founded Quahog
after he was saved
by the magic clam.
60
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,612
No, that is a myth.
61
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,281
Peter, you were
the founder of
Quahog.
62
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:41,887
I see... I see
England a long
time ago.
63
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,575
It is acrisp, clear springmorning,
64
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:56,601
and GriffinPeterson is riding tothe home of his beloved.
65
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,343
Peterson, what
are you doing here?
66
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,946
Shouldn't you be down at your
job making oblong bricks out
of manure and straw?
67
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,859
No, we're off.
It's Martin Luther Day.
68
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,561
Yes, that's a very smart joke.
69
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,397
Isn't that right,
comedy professors?
70
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,288
Well done.
Indeed.
71
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,823
Now, what do you want?
72
00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:21,538
I want to marry your daughter,
and I'm here to ask for your
blessing.
73
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,029
What could you possibly
have to offer my daughter?
74
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,908
Well, I'm one of
the few guys in
this town
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00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,101
who
isn't dying a slow,
painful diarrhea death.
76
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,501
All right, come on in.
77
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,418
Knock-knock.
Lady Redbush?
78
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,777
Griffin!
It's so good to
see you.
79
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:41,279
I'm so horny.
Kiss my hand.
80
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,047
What are you doing here?
81
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,095
I was just walking off
the rotted goose anus
I had for breakfast,
82
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,486
and I thought I'd come by
and ask you a little question.
83
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:49,788
What's that?
84
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,056
Will you marry me?
85
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,325
Oh, my God, yes!
86
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:57,161
Yes, I will, Griffin!
Oh, I thought you'd
never ask.
87
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:00,042
Did you do it?
I did it!
88
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,981
But in another part of London,
89
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:08,106
there was a man who was
not in such good spirits.
90
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:11,476
The King of England,
Stewart the Third.
91
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:16,114
I'm so bored.
I wish to be entertained.
Where's my troupe of actors?
92
00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:22,753
Presenting the cast of
How I Met Your Mother!
93
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,589
You told her I told you
I kissed her?
94
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,436
Dude, you broke the bro code.
95
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:28,104
That's not against the bro code.
96
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:31,496
Yes, it is. Article 15 B.
That's the heart of the
bro code, man.
97
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,576
Whoa, you're right!
I guess I did break
the bro code.
98
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,267
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
99
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,903
What is this?
100
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:41,473
Are these jokes?
Do people in other
castles think this is funny?
101
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,943
Well, yeah.
We get a pretty sizeable
chunk of princes 18 to 34.
102
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,557
I think I'd like to
delete this from my
TiVo.
103
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,591
Are you sure you want
to delete this program?
104
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:49,615
Yes.
105
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,263
Ing me
my mid-season
replacement fool!
106
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,332
Hi there.
107
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,633
I want to hear some jokes, fool!
108
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,435
Well, you know,
I don't really
tell jokes.
109
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:00,470
I like to tell
stories from
my life
110
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:03,628
and let the humor
just flow organically
from everyday situations.
111
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,177
Yeah,
my aunt Frieda
was a real card.
112
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:09,012
She always
had the most
wonderful spirit,
113
00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,048
even when her
mind started to go.
114
00:06:11,072 --> 00:06:13,383
I remember once she wrote
a letter to my Uncle Tom,
115
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,718
from whom she'd been
divorced for several
years.
116
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,844
And in the letter, she
misspelled his name
T-O-M-M.
117
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,258
And I said,
"Frieda, you've
spelled Tom's name wrong.
118
00:06:21,282 --> 00:06:25,384
"You need to
take out one of the 'M's."
And she said, "Which one?"
119
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,364
You know, you're gonna be
fucking dead in five seconds
120
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:29,166
if Aunt Frieda doesn't
throw a pie at somebody!
121
00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:31,068
I mean,
part of that is you
sort of have to know my...
122
00:06:31,092 --> 00:06:32,769
Make me laugh!
Hey, look. Keys.
123
00:06:34,295 --> 00:06:38,797
That's so satirical!
What social commentary!
124
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:40,999
Well, now I'm in
a wonderful humor.
125
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,168
I wish to go for
a walk into town.
126
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:54,479
Good Lord!
Who is that?
127
00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:00,629
That's Lady Redbush
and her husband-to-be,
Griffin Peterson.
128
00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:04,355
That piece of ass is marrying
that tall glass of poop juice?
129
00:07:04,423 --> 00:07:06,457
Well, not if I have
anything to say
about it.
130
00:07:06,525 --> 00:07:09,060
A woman of that caliber
should be married to
a king.
131
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,505
Well, what are you
gonna do about him?
132
00:07:10,529 --> 00:07:12,930
I'm the king, jester.
I'm going to have him
133
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,466
exiled
to the farthest
corner of the world.
134
00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:17,969
And then she'll be all mine!
135
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,882
Why is he such
a jerk to everybody?
136
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:23,507
Because he has a
very, very small penis.
I've seen it, actually,
137
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,910
and it's,
like, you don't even
want to make fun of it.
138
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,645
You know, it's just
medically fascinating.
139
00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:30,492
I kind of want to see it.
140
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:33,818
Yeah, it's like that
one grape in the bunch
that never got to be a grape.
141
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:41,303
I wonder what's keeping Griffin?
142
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,027
I'm sure he'll
be along, sweetie.
143
00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:46,030
Remember, he's tubby.
It takes him a while
to move around.
144
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,611
I hope he didn't
get diarrhea and
die.
145
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,667
Can I feel those boobs?
146
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,647
No! Daddy!
What are you? Sick?
147
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,172
Hey, it's a different time!
148
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,252
What a wonderfully exciting day!
149
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,853
I'm young, I'm all dressed up,
150
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,411
and I'm on my way to
marry the woman I love.
151
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:05,116
And there's
290 years separating me
from the films of Kevin Smith.
152
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,784
Hey, Peterson.
153
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,322
Who are you?
I'm King Stewart.
154
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:13,324
Don't
you recognize
me from the coins?
155
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:15,103
Oh, yeah. The ones
with your profile.
156
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,272
You know,
you look really
weird from the side.
157
00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:20,175
Well, that's something we
didn't really think out
too well when we started.
158
00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,532
But never mind that!
159
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:23,401
You're going into exile,
Peterson!
160
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:26,303
I'm shipping you out on
the first boat to the
New World!
161
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,050
But I'm supposed
to get married today.
162
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,819
Oh, Yeah? Where are you
going for your honeymoon?
163
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,309
That medium-sized hill.
164
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:32,776
Wrong! Seize him!
165
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:38,750
AndKing Stewart's crueltywas only just beginning.
166
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:41,786
Maybe he
changed his mind.
Maybe he's not coming.
167
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:45,923
Oh! Come on now.
There, feel better
after I just said that?
168
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,004
Now give me one little touch.
No!
169
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,961
I hate this! I...
I... I hate my life!
170
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:54,676
The king!
171
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,800
The king is here!
172
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,312
Oh, I didn't vote for him!
173
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,070
Your majesty,
this is a real honor.
174
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,171
Carter Redbush.
Very glad to meet you.
175
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,973
Hello.
Harry MacAfee.
176
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,687
As a citizen,
I'm proud to have
you reign over me
177
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,946
and the MacAfee
Fertilizer Company.
178
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:12,216
Lady Redbush,
I wish I was here
on a happier errand,
179
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:16,020
but I'm afraid I must inform
you that Griffin Peterson
is dead.
180
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,022
What?
181
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:21,091
Now that
some time has passed,
do you want to go out?
182
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:27,843
With Griffin Peterson
exiled to the New World
183
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:30,234
and Lady Redbush
believing he was dead,
184
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:32,970
King Stewart was
now free to marry her.
185
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:36,341
The bride and groom
have written their
own vows.
186
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,343
Our love is like
two figs hanging
from
187
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,813
a fig tree cradled
by Cupid's own hand.
188
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:45,182
You and I are like two...
189
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,995
Oh, uh,
I'm sorry.
Is my wedding
190
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,620
interrupting
your, your promotion?
191
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:52,234
We're right
in the middle
of our show, okay?
192
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,693
Right now. You have
a time slot. Go there.
193
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,630
Maybe finish this candy bar
before you open another one!
194
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:00,809
Well, at least it
wasn't one of those
195
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,511
promos where they've
got the whole cast
196
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:06,037
shoving
each other playfully
like they're all good pals.
197
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,649
Oh, oh, look!
There we go!
198
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:10,452
Oh! Look
at them jostling
each other around!
199
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:14,045
Oh! They give each
other a hard time,
but they're friends.
200
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,279
Is that a real show?
201
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,647
No, it's just... No.
202
00:10:16,715 --> 00:10:18,527
Somebody's making
a joke. Forget it.
203
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,786
Meanwhile,Griffin Peterson and theother exiles
204
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,689
pass the time on the
ship to the New World.
205
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:28,426
Aw, crap! A splinter.
Well, it's been nice
knowing you guys.
206
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:30,106
So what'd you do to get exiled?
207
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,930
I got caught pleasuring myself
208
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:36,500
to a painstakingly etched
engraving of the Wife of
Bath. What'd you do?
209
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,670
I slept with
an underage virgin
to cure my puff penis.
210
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:42,484
Hey, fellows.
You want to join me
in a game of mumble peg?
211
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:45,076
Oh, no, thanks.
Fine. I'll play by myself.
212
00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:50,247
One, nothing!
213
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:53,262
Eventually, after
many months at sea,
214
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,097
Griffin Peterson
and his shipmates
215
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:58,055
finally reached the New World.
216
00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,491
I declare this land Quahog!
217
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,305
This place is nothing but
a wilderness! What are we
gonna do?
218
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,596
We're
gonna build
a new settlement.
219
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:09,233
We'll have a happy new life,
and we'll have equal rights
for all.
220
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:13,370
Except
blacks, Asians, Hispanics,
Jews, gays, women, Muslims...
221
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,506
Um...
Everybody who's
not a white man.
222
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:18,276
And I mean white-white.
So no Italians, no Polish.
223
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,878
Just
people from Ireland,
England and Scotland.
224
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,114
But only
certain parts of
Scotland and Ireland.
225
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,049
Just full-blooded whites.
226
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,862
No,
you know what?
Not even whites.
227
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,686
Nobody gets any rights.
228
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,254
America.
229
00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:38,395
How's your stewed
fox quail, my dear?
230
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:41,732
It's quite good.
I'm also enjoying
the turtled hen.
231
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,834
Isn't the turtled hen good?
232
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,115
So, listen,
you and I need to
have a conversation
233
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,205
about you not bearing me a son.
234
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:50,007
Well, my lord,
we've discussed this.
235
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,743
We have to have sex
in order for me to
bear you a son.
236
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:56,114
Oh, I know.
I've just been so tired,
and I've had so much work.
237
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,961
And I think... I
think I wanted to the other
day but I couldn't find you.
238
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:02,453
So, you know,
it's, like, both of us
and our schedules, you know?
239
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,388
Well,
why don't we
do it tonight?
240
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,169
Maybe.
Tonight might
work. Yeah...
241
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:11,095
Oh, no! I got
that thing in the morning!
How about tomorrow at 4:00?
242
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,231
You know I'm with my
mother tomorrow at 4:00.
243
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:16,834
Darn it!
I'm gonna be so
horny tomorrow at 4:00.
244
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:20,149
You know, I got to say I'm
a little mad at you for not
being more available.
245
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,240
We can have sex
right now on the table.
246
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:25,576
Hey,
hey, hey, hey.
Hey. We eat here.
247
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,161
Griffin Peterson
and the other colonists
248
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,030
worked day and nightto build their newsettlement.
249
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:37,989
Until finally,
after much hard work,
250
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,791
the colony of
Quahog was complete.
251
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,780
It didn't take
long before Quahog
252
00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:56,340
was a thriving New Worldsettlement bustling withlife.
253
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:58,175
Boy, everything's
shaping up real nice!
254
00:12:58,244 --> 00:13:00,964
Yeah,
and we finally finished
the town abortion clinic.
255
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:09,632
Time hadhelped Griffin forgetLady Redbush.
256
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,568
And soonhe found himselfa hearty new wife.
257
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:16,127
Boy, that was fantastic!
You must have had a lot
of practice.
258
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:19,141
No, not really.
I've been saving
myself for marriage.
259
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,146
We should probably
open up some windows.
260
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,117
I don't know what to do, jester.
261
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,407
I can't be married
to the king anymore.
262
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,910
My heart
still belongs to
Griffin Peterson,
263
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,244
but he's dead.
264
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,647
No, he's not.
265
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,349
What?
266
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:41,029
I was ordered to keep silent
by the king under threat of
execution.
267
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:43,973
But
you're gonna
see this anyway.
268
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:51,762
Oh, my God!
He's alive.
269
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,631
Jester, I've got to get to him.
270
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,644
I'll help you, but
only if I can go
with you.
271
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,502
If I stay here, the king will
execute me for telling you
all this.
272
00:13:58,571 --> 00:13:59,804
He's a real fit head.
273
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:02,084
Well, okay.
But how are we
gonna get there?
274
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,686
We'll
hitch a ride on one of the
slave ships tomorrow night
275
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:07,670
after
an all-new
Shovin' Buddies.
276
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:12,516
Followed by an all-new
Slowly Rotating Black Man.
277
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,825
To the New World
to find her beloved,
278
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:23,438
and the timing was good because
279
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:25,341
his new wife was
a pain in him ass.
280
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,045
And then I finished
scrubbing the kettle,
281
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:29,032
but then I saw that
I had missed a spot.
282
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:31,769
And, oh, I was so worried that
the whole thing wasn't clean
enough,
283
00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:33,671
so I went back and
started washing it
again.
284
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,139
And sure enough,
I'd missed another spot.
285
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,920
And there was a clump
of cornmeal under the rim
from when I made breakfast.
286
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:41,156
Shut up, Meg!
I pray thee,
shut up.
287
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:42,346
Griffin!
288
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,880
Lady Redbush!
289
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:51,689
And so GriffinPeterson and Lady Redbushwere happily reunited.
290
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:56,460
Of course, Griffin hadto go through the complex,extensive divorce procedure
291
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:59,088
required by 18th
century society.
292
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:06,081
Gone?
What do you
mean she's gone?
293
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:09,139
Sire,
Lady Redbush has been
gone these six months.
294
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,474
Six months?
295
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,309
Yes. Forgive me, sire.
296
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:13,978
But how could you
not be aware of this?
297
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:15,946
Don't you share
a bedchamber with her?
298
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:17,459
Well, I mean, sometimes, I mean,
299
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,394
we sleep... We... We...
We go to different...
300
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,996
We go to bed at different times.
301
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,565
We've
both been so busy
it's been ridiculous.
302
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,968
I thought
she was taking
a class or something.
303
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,792
Oh, man! That sucks
because I'm so horny.
304
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:32,129
Damn it! Oh... I wanted
to do sex to her tonight.
305
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:34,198
Well, then I guess
we've got to go
get her.
306
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,026
Yeah.
All right.
307
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:40,148
Months rolled by,
308
00:15:40,172 --> 00:15:42,606
and Griffin and
Lady Redbush continued
309
00:15:42,674 --> 00:15:45,376
to flourish happily in
the colony of Quahog,
310
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:49,847
completely unawarethat King Stewartwas on the march.
311
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:54,551
♪ There wasa peaceful towncalled Quahog
312
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:58,121
♪ Where people
lived in harmony
313
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:04,328
♪ They never had
no kind of trouble
314
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:07,698
♪ There was no
hint of misery
315
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,939
♪ Then all at once
the trouble started
316
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:19,009
♪ A pack of
murderers and thieves
317
00:16:19,077 --> 00:16:22,078
♪ Like swarms of
locusts they descended
318
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,715
♪ Their aim to make
the town folk flee ♪
319
00:16:27,352 --> 00:16:30,187
They've
got to be here somewhere.
Where's my first lieutenant?
320
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:33,924
Here I am, sir.
Yes, sir. Right indeed.
Here indeed. Yes, I am, sir!
321
00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:36,326
I want
you to turn this
settlement upside down
322
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,695
until you
find Lady Redbush
and Griffin Peterson!
323
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:41,665
That fat bastard thinks he
can steal my bride and
get away with it?
324
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,145
I wouldn't bet
a corn farthing
on him escaping.
325
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:47,382
No, I wouldn't.
Not a corn farthing
would I bet. No, sir.
326
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:48,438
What's wrong with you?
327
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:49,984
A little wrong
in the head, I am,
328
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,653
from eating some bad sausages.
329
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,278
Yes,
some bad sausages
did I eat, indeed, sir.
330
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,880
Yes, I did. Some
bad sausages ate I.
331
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:04,021
Oh, Griffin,
this time together has
been the happiest of my life.
332
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:07,658
Me, too, Lady Redbush.
All those months I
was without you
333
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,226
I never stopped seeing your face
334
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,772
in the back of my wife's head.
335
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:13,475
And all those months
I was sailing for
the New World,
336
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:16,399
I saw your face in
every slave's stomach.
337
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:18,080
Tell me we'll be
together forever.
338
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,402
We will.
339
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,919
I found him, Your Majesty.
Indeed, yes, I did found
him, did I.
340
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,143
Indeed, yes, sir. I did.
341
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,688
Yeah, okay, okay.
Whatever.
342
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:29,091
All right, Peterson, two
things are gonna happen
here.
343
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:31,459
I'm gonna take my wife back,
and then I'm gonna kill you!
344
00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,084
All right. All right,
Mr. King, sir. You win.
345
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:36,986
I'm sorry,
Lady Redbush, but
he is your husband.
346
00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:40,590
Let me just walk over here
and get your things for you...
347
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,171
All right, Your Majesty.
348
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,973
If you want to leave
with your pal in one
piece,
349
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,174
I suggest you throw
down your weapons!
350
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:47,263
Ah!
351
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:48,577
Go ahead and kill him, Griffin!
352
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:49,811
You kill him and I'll kill her!
353
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:51,613
Go ahead!
You kill her,
I'll kill him!
354
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,081
Go ahead.
You kill him,
I'll kill her!
355
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:54,849
Knock yourself out.
You kill her,
I'll kill him.
356
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:57,252
This is me laughing.
You kill him, I'll kill her!
357
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,544
This is
me before Ultra Slim-Fast.
You kill her, I'll kill him!
358
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:04,648
Wait, wait!
There's got to be a
better way to settle this!
359
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,597
Talent show?
Talent show.
360
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,889
"Hear ye. Hear ye.
This talent competition
361
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,504
"will decide
rightful possession
of the good Lady Redbush
362
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,794
"and control of
the colony of Quahog."
363
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,142
We first present
King Stewart of
England
364
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:22,033
with some observational humor.
365
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,367
Hi there, everybody.
366
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,981
You know, my Aunt
Frieda was a real
card.
367
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,916
She always
had the most
wonderful spirit,
368
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,785
even when her
mind started
to go.
369
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,007
What the fuck?
370
00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,321
I remember once she
wrote a letter to
my Uncle Tom,
371
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:35,490
from whom she'd been
divorced for several
years.
372
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:38,416
And in the letter, she
misspelled his name
T-O-M-M.
373
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,795
This is my bit.
These are all
my bits.
374
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:42,831
This is funny.
Unbelievable.
375
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,033
And I said,
"Frieda, you've
spelled Tom's name wrong.
376
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,617
"You need to
take out one of the 'M's."
And she said, "Which one?"
377
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:33,604
♪ Clap your hands, everybody
And everybody clap your hands
378
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,408
♪ We are the
Quahog colonists
and Mort the Jew
379
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,943
♪ Hey there
380
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:42,546
♪ We're out
here on stage tonight
to do a show for you
381
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,982
♪ We got
Peterson on the violin
382
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,385
♪ And Quagmire and
Joe will be joining in
383
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,765
♪ We got
stumpy Seamus
on the lead guitar
384
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,767
♪ And he's gonna give
you a great big... ♪
385
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:55,592
Break!
386
00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,531
Oh, God,
they put so much
work into theirs!
387
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,934
I didn't know we
could rip off movies!
388
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:16,792
And from then on,
389
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:21,152
Lady Redbush andGriffin Peterson livedin peace and happiness.
390
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,188
Oh, Griffin, I love you.
391
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,856
And I you.
392
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:29,245
Let's grow old
into our 30s
together.
393
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:32,817
I want to have a baby with you.
394
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,800
And I want to be there
when you die giving
birth to it.
395
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:45,175
And so ends the
tale of Griffin Peterson
and the founding of Quahog.
396
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,956
Well,
what a bunch
of delightfully
397
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,246
colorful
characters!
So, is that it?
398
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:53,217
That's it. Now stay tuned for
an all-new CrossarmedOpposites.
399
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,820
This guy.
400
00:20:54,888 --> 00:20:56,387
No, this guy.
401
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:57,688
No, this guy.
402
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,557
No, this guy.
403
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,258
Both of us.
404
00:21:48,208 --> 00:21:49,288
English - US - Line 2133302
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