Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull

DUMAS: Hello, citizens of Gotham.

This is Desmond Dumas with breaking news.

Representatives from Gotham PD and City Hall

are converging on the state penitentiary.

There, in a top-secret prison laboratory,

a revolutionary experiment will be conducted.

The proceedings will begin

as soon as Gotham's leading crime crushers,

Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder,

arrive.

Delayed, no doubt, protecting the streets

of our lovely city.

It's been a while since our last date, Batman.

I thought you had forsaken me.

Crime fighting leaves little time for affairs

of the heart, Catwoman.

But you are never far from my thoughts.

Those are the nicest words I have heard in a long time.

Speaking of words,

I brought my handy copy of the complete

Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

After all, poetry opens

both the mind and the heart.

I'm more interested in you opening these bars.

And open they will.

After only 37 more reformative months,

you will have paid your debt to society

and be a free woman once again.

Holy Romeo and Juliet,

how much longer is he going to be?

Do you know the perfect way to cap this wonderful night?

Tell me, Catwoman.

ROBIN: Batman. Attention, Batman.

We're going to be late.

I'm sorry, Catwoman, but duty calls.

Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

Please excuse our tardiness, gentlemen.

I'm certain it was for a good reason.

A very special criminal rehabilitation project.

You already know District Attorney...

Harvey Dent.

A pleasure to share a room with Gotham's greatest

defender of justice.

Your perfect record for convictions precedes you.

Couldn't do it if you didn't catch them first, Batman.

We make a pretty good team, if I do say so myself.

Like Batman and Robin.

Isn't it past your bedtime?

And this is the inventor whose machine

we will be testing.

Hugo Strange.

At your service.

An honor to meet the fabled Batman in the flesh.

You see, in a criminal,

the psyche's battle between good

and evil is often one-sided.

But what if there was a way to remove the evil?

No more criminal.

Intriguing.

However, there are no easy fixes

on the road to the straight and narrow.

Gosh, yes.

But a machine that extracts the evil out of super-criminals

would make our jobs a lot easier.

Correction. The evil extractor

will make your jobs

obsolete.

Let's not be hasty, Strange.

You've got to prove this contraption works first.

If it does, Batman and Robin

won't be the only ones out of a job.

McCarthy, bring in the prisoners.

My good luck charm, Batman.

A memento from the Cohen counterfeit case.

The first crook I ever put behind bars.

And here I thought only criminals

were a superstitious lot.

Just a wash and set for me today, thanks.

(LAUGHING)

Release me from this infernal, unconstitutional device.

(WHINES)

HUGO: The evil extractor will siphon the reservoirs of evil

deep in the criminals' warped brains,

then deposit it into the vat.

Scintillating. Can we get on with this?

I have dinner plans with our mutual friend, Bruce Wayne,

and millionaires don't like to be kept waiting.

Dr. Quinzel, instigate the extractor protocol.

Ready-o, Doc.

Decompressing the cerebral defibrillator.

Adjust the hemostatic stabilizers.

Gosh, Batman,

I have a bad feeling about this.

That's why we're here, old chum.

Stay vigilant.

Behold the awesome power of my evil extractor!

Oh-hoo-hoo! It tickles! Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

All right, boys, pour it on.

(ALL LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

They are trying to overwhelm the machine with their evil.

Shut it down! Shut it down!

- (ALARM BLARING) - (LAUGHING CONTINUES)

(GLASS CRACKING)

Harvey, look out!

(SCREAMS)

Great Scott!

Geez, that looks like it smarts.

Strange, you quack! I'll have you fired for this.

(HARVEY LAUGHS)

Harvey?

Wrong, Batman, I'm not Harvey.

I am evil incarnate.

I am Two Face.

(ALL GASP)

(BATMAN THEME PLAYING)

Mr. Dent, I hope you'll find my work impeccable.

HARVEY: It's not like you to be speechless, Bruce.

What's the verdict?

See for yourself, Harv.

I'm whole again.

There is no longer

a stranger in the mirror looking back at me.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

How can I ever thank you for your

unwavering support?

It was the least I could do for one of my closest friends.

They've agreed to let you return

to City Hall

as assistant to the Assistant District Attorney.

Assistant

to the Assistant District Attorney?

You bet, Commissioner.

I'll do everything in my power to earn Gotham's trust again.

From now on, Harvey Dent is back on the side of angels

and in charge of his own fate.

(GROANS)

That's right, peasant.

Bow before your pharaoh, for he has returned.

HENCHMAN: We're stealing the plane, boss?

What gives?

Fool!

Had I possessed such a flying chariot

when I first ruled, we'd all be

speaking Egyptian today.

What's the matter with normal English?

(SCOFFS) Never mind.

(ENGINE STARTING)

Up, up, and away, my Tutlings.

It's the only way to fly.

(KING TUT LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

O'HARA: Saints preserve us, Commissioner.

King Tut is back to his old tricks.

Afraid so, Chief O'Hara.

I need to know if Gotham PD is up for the job.

Assuring we are, Commissioner.

We'll work this case from the ground up.

Lean on every lowlife in every juke joint in town.

Uncover every bit of forensic data.

And if the crooks won't talk, we'll make 'em.

I have no doubt you'll make this city proud, Chief.

Ah, Commissioner.

Who are we kidding?

I know.

We're woefully out of our depth on this one.

There's only one man who can handle this.

I'll head up to the roof and activate the Bat signal.

Oh, Caped Crusader,

if ever Gotham City needed you,

it's now.

Oh, Alfred, isn't this exciting?

Rubbing elbows with Gotham's upper crust.

Indeed, madam.

Very generous of Masters Bruce and Dick

to send us in their place.

The annual millionaires' soiree.

Ending in a midnight tour of Gotham City.

Lucky for us,

you boys have another one of your fishing trips.

Really, madam.

Come, Alfred, we mustn't be late.

ROBIN: Bruce, look, it's the Bat signal!

Time for Batman and Robin to suit up, old chum.

Right behind you, Bruce.

Do you think they'll show, Commissioner?

They've never failed to answer our call.

Yet.

BATMAN: And we don't plan on starting now.

BOTH: The Dynamic Duo.

Thank goodness you have come, Batman.

It's that megalomaniacal miscreant from Mesopotamia.

- King Tut. - Him again.

This time he has stolen an irreplaceable biplane.

He is a man to be pitied.

The struggles he must face

as a man divided.

But justice is a firm but fair mistress.

And come to justice he will.

ROBIN: Gosh, Batman.

I still don't understand why Tut would steal a biplane.

The plane was owned by Thomas Hewell,

a man who made his fortune through Egyptian cotton.

Holy hieroglyphics!

It's so obvious now I can't believe I missed that.

You have to think like the Professor.

And the Professor thinks he is King Tut

reborn. Great Scott!

The company that sponsored tonight's

midnight tour

is the Nile Double-Decker Bus Company.

That has to be Tut's next target.

And we just sent Alfred and Aunt Harriet in our stead.

To the Batmobile!

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(GRUNTING)

(GUESTS GASP)

(ALL MURMURING)

Silence, plebeians! It is...

(CLEARS THROAT)

It is I, King Tut,

and I command you to...

- (GUESTS CHATTERING LOUDLY) - I...

Ah, shut up!

(GUESTS GASP)

Proceed, Tutlings.

There it is, Batman.

Activating Bat-autopilot.

(POWERING UP)

(GROANS)

Hand over the dough and fancy rocks, grandma.

Heavens! (FAINTS)

Mrs. Cooper!

Now, see here, you ruffian.

Oh, a tough guy, huh?

BATMAN: Citizen, duck.

(GROANS)

Egads! The Caped Crumbums.

Surrender, you poor deluded fool,

and throw yourself on the mercy of the court.

You'll be begging for mercy when we get through with you.

Tutlings, ho!

(GROANS)

Alfred, get the patrons to safety.

At once, sir.

(TUTLING SCREAMS)

Quickly now. Watch your step.

WOMAN: Age before beauty, I suppose.

(ALFRED GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

That'll teach these thievin' thugs.

Indeed. Now for Tut.

Nuts to you, masked morons.

(BOTH GROAN)

Fangs dipped with a fast-acting knockout venom.

Holy hypodermic!

(BOTH GROAN)

I always knew you'd make an asp of yourself,

Bat-boob. (LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

What are these things, Batman?

Canopic jars, Robin.

Used by the ancient Egyptians

to store and preserve the viscera

of their owner for the afterlife.

Holy entrails! But why?

Simple, Boy Birdfeed.

Once entombed in the foundation

of the soon-to-be-erected pyramid tower,

the Dynamic Dunderheads will be preserved for all eternity.

Fitting, no?

You... You fractured pharaoh.

Hit it, boys.

Batman and Robin trapped in yon urns,

awaiting their fates as the cement churns.

Their clipped wings can't fly.

So, alas, they'll die.

And all the crooks of Gotham shall say,

"That Tut was one heck of a guy."

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

It's already hardening, Batman.

Follow my instructions precisely.

Press the back of your soles against the side of the jar.

The heat from the chemical reaction of the cement

might trigger the Bat-jets.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(TUTLINGS GROANING)

Your reign is over, Tut.

A pox on thee and all your ancestors!

(YELLS)

(GROANING)

Oh! (GROANS)

Uh, where am I?

Batman! But if you're here that means...

Oh. Tut again?

I'm afraid so, Professor.

(GROANS)

Having a split personality

can be so inconvenient at times.

The boss's scheme is falling into place.

Two-fold.

Too bad about the Professor.

Ah, just grab the bag, and let's get out of here.

On the double.

The stolen loot was missing from the crime scene,

Caped Crusaders.

And no sign of the biplane either.

Holy Amelia Earhart!

Where do you hide a biplane?

Tell us what you know, Professor.

TUT: (OVER INTERCOM) Oh, I wish I knew, gentlemen.

Honestly, I do.

You expect us to believe that malarkey?

Remember, Chief, King Tut committed the crime.

Not this poor pathetic soul.

When he's knocked on the head,

he forgets everything he did as Tut.

I think I get your meaning, Boy Wonder.

(CHUCKLES)

Ow! How dare you assault my royal presence.

Where'd you hide the goods, you felonious pharaoh?

Fie on thee!

My secrets are as impenetrable

as any vault in the Great Pyramids.

Ah! Aha!

Ow!

What's happening?

Even the pyramids were eventually

- pried open, Tut. - Ow!

You'll have to chase me through

the 12 gates of the afterlife,

and you still won't get me to talk, flatfoot.

Ow! Oh, my head!

Why does it hurt so bad?

I won't give up that easy.

That's enough, Chief.

Our only recourse is to wait for the Professor

to see his day in court.

And if I have any say, he'll leave a free man.

Lucilee Diamond, public defender.

Now, if you'll kindly leave, so I can advise my client.

Of course, Ms. Diamond.

Well, Harvey, do you have a case?

Looks like it, Commissioner. Despite my winning streak

since returning to the DA's office,

half of me hoped the poor devil would confess

and save the expense of a lengthy trial.

I have faith that a jury of his peers

will have pity on a sick man, Mr. Dent.

Good day, gentleman.

Chief, have you ever known this poor professor

to break the law when he was not King Tut?

Ms. Diamond, I'm not sure. You'd have to ask Batman.

So when not suffering the effects of a concussive state

that brings on the King Tut identity,

he is a mild-mannered, harmless member of society?

You'd have to ask Batman.

I object.

Counsel is confusing the witness.

Not hard to do.

Overruled.

And did you not try to extract a confession

by bludgeoning this poor man

to recreate that concussive state?

Objection.

Tut is on trial here, not the Professor.

It's true!

All true, I confess.

(CRYING)

(ALL MURMURING)

(MURMURING STOPS)

No further questions.

- Thank you, Chief. - It's my honor to serve.

(GROANS)

Judge, I would like to call my next witness.

Batman.

Batman, in all your dealings with King Tut,

how would he rate as criminal masterminds go?

King Tut's one of my most deadly adversaries.

But I believe with proper rehabilitation,

Tut can someday be a productive member of society.

So you are saying the only hope

to ridding Gotham of the scourge

of King Tut is to send him to prison

where he can get the help he so desperately needs?

- Well, I... - No further questions.

Your Honor, I'd like to call Professor McElroy

to the stand.

(WHIMPERS)

Professor, you stated for the court

that you have no memory of your actions

when King Tut takes over.

None whatsoever.

No one is more horrified by King Tut's actions than I.

But isn't it true that without your expertise in Egyptology,

Tut couldn't commit his crimes?

Well, I suppose that's true, but...

Thereby making you

the real mastermind behind his schemes.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

No further questions, Your Honor.

Fifteen years with possible time off for good behavior.

Tough break for the Professor.

Yes, poor devil.

Still, justice was served.

At this rate, you'll be lead DA again in no time, Harvey.

Batman nabs the super-crooks,

and I send them to the state pen.

The same place Batman sent you.

Why, Dick, I hope you don't

feel like a third wheel when I'm around.

After all, I'm only Bruce's best friend.

You're his... Ward.

But the truth is, if it wasn't for Batman's help

or Bruce's friendship during my dark time,

who knows where I'd be right now?

Robbing a bank.

Oh, my, two handsome bachelors

who are still best friends after all these years.

Oh!

It's enough to give a girl the vapors.

Anyway, it's time I confessed

to the other reason for my visit.

Go on.

There is a charity that's dear to my heart,

the Society for

Underprivileged Fraternal Twins.

A worthy cause.

The stigma of being the less-attractive twin

is a heavy burden no one should have to bear.

Of course I'll do it.

Marvelous.

I've already found the venue,

the newly refurbished Winning Pair Casino.

It'll be great fun.

It's the Bat-phone, sir.

If you'll excuse us, Harv.

Dick and I are due at our weekly badminton lesson.

Holy... Gosh, yes, you're right.

Of course, Bruce. I'll be in touch.

Pigs in a blanket, Mr. Dent?

Yes, Commissioner?

Batman, an odd package has arrived

at my office, explicitly addressed to you.

Curious. We'll be right there.

To the Batcave.

It's a book.

A world atlas, to be precise.

O'HARA: Saints alive!

Looks like it's been eaten away by bugs.

Correction, Chief. Worms.

Holy plagiarism!

It can only be from that master

of a thousand stolen plots, the Bookworm.

Indeed. Come, Robin,

we have some reading to catch up on.

Why would Bookworm give us a world atlas?

Despite its poor condition,

I was able to detect several pages were missing.

Pages of different world capitals.

I'm still stumped, Batman.

Think longitudes and latitudes.

ROBIN: Holy overdue book, of course!

He is using longitude and latitude

to correspond to the library's classification method,

the Dewey Decimal System.

Now you've got it, old chum.

Based on my encyclopedic knowledge

of the card catalogue,

those numbers correspond to rare editions

of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,

The Man in the Iron Mask,

and A Tale of Two Cities.

Holy English lit!

And they are housed in

the rare editions wing of this library.

(SHUSHING)

Sorry.

Quickly, to the rare editions wing.

(ALARM BEEPING)

Soon the priceless leather-bound

beauties contained within will be mine.

Their exotic bindings will make

a stunning cape to add to my eclectic ensemble.

(GASPS)

Surrender, Bookworm, you larcenous literatus.

Oh, Batman.

Dear, sweet, insufferable Batman.

You didn't think I'd come here without protection, did you?

Worms, attack!

Wait! Aren't you forgetting something?

Glasses!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

(SHUSHES)

(SHUSHING)

(ALL GROANING)

(LIBRARIAN SHUSHING)

All right, men, round up these four-eyed felons.

(BOTH GROANING)

Oh.

Curse you, Batman.

My glasses. They're broken.

Since Bookworm can't see, Chief,

you'll have to read him his rights.

Good thing Batman was able to piece together your little clue.

Otherwise you might have gotten away with it.

Clue? What clue?

Batman, look, the rare books.

They're gone.

No doubt stolen while we were distracted with the fight.

To the Batmobile.

ROBIN: It's odd, Batman.

Bookworm knew nothing about

the clue that was sent to Commissioner Gordon.

Which is why I suspect

someone wanted us to catch him.

You mean there is another

fiendish force behind these crimes?

But who?

Think, Robin. What common theme

did the stolen books all share?

Hmm.

They were all stories featuring themes of duality.

I see Tut's crimes, though Egyptian-themed,

also focused on the number two.

The biplane, the double-decker bus.

The number two, a double cross,

all signs pointing to...

Two Face. But we just saw Harvey.

He's been fully rehabilitated, inside and out.

There is only one way to know for sure.

Let's head to Two Face's last known hideout,

the abandoned sign factory on Gemini Drive.

TWO FACE: Quite a haul, eh, boys?

Enough to finance my special plans for Gotham.

Now, we need to abandon this hideout.

No doubt the tiresome twosome have realized I've returned

and will be here soon.

- But, boss... - Get the lead out,

or I'll put the lead in.

Holy hideousity, Batman. It is Two Face.

But how is that possible?

It shouldn't be.

Scarred side up.

Get them, boys!

(TWINS GROAN)

- (BOTH GROANING) - My arms are pinned, Batman.

TWO FACE: I'm afraid you're outnumbered, Batman.

(TWO FACE LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Nighty-night, bird boy.

What's the matter with you, boss?

A coin decides their fates.

Tough luck, boys.

Batman and Robin will live...

For now.

Boss, are you nuts?

We owe it to every crime-abiding crook in town to

crush the Caped Coppers.

It's the ethical thing to do.

Shut up, or else the coin decides your fates too.

Grab the loot.

Think twice before you try to thwart my plans again, Batman.

Let's scram.

(TWO FACE LAUGHING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

It seems Harvey is back to his old tricks.

Yes, it looks bad.

But as District Attorney,

Harvey has made a lot of enemies.

I wouldn't put it past any of them

to try and ruin his reputation.

Gosh, do you really believe that's the case?

BATMAN: I pray it is, old chum.

I pray that it is.

(GASPS)

Batman, look, his face is normal.

Batman, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?

Apologies, Mr. Dent. But we've discovered

there's a mastermind behind King Tut's and

Bookworm's latest crime sprees.

The audacity.

There is more.

The fallacious fiends assumed the guise

of your former criminal alter ego, Two Face.

Where were you within the last two hours?

I've been here all night, Boy Wonder.

Surely you don't think I'm involved in this.

Why, it's positively beyond the pale.

Excuse Robin's overzealousness, Mr. Dent,

but we can't rule anyone out at this point.

Of course, Batman.

You'll receive my full cooperation.

I've worked so hard to rebuild my reputation.

What kind of a twisted monster would do such a thing?

I won't rest until we get to the bottom of this.

I have total confidence in you, Caped Crusader.

And I quiver with anticipation

at the thought of putting this imposter behind bars.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to finalize plans for my charity bachelor auction.

Perhaps you've heard about it

from our mutual friend, Bruce Wayne?

I'm afraid my friendship with Mr. Wayne

doesn't extend to charity functions.

Good night, Mr. Dent.

It just doesn't add up, Batman.

Harvey has to be involved with Two Face somehow.

The crime fighter's crusade,

not tempered by loyalty and faith,

is hollow at best.

Harvey Dent has been a loyal friend.

Therefore, I must have faith in him...

For now.

(WHISPERING) It's me.

I can't go on like this.

I insist you stop this madness at once.

TWO FACE: Look, pretty boy.

We had a deal, remember?

I frame the super-crooks and

use their stolen loot to finance my criminal coup,

while you convict them and

reclaim your sterling reputation

as DA of Gotham City.

You've done all right for yourself, haven't you?

Maybe, but the Masked Manhunter is no fool.

Before long, he'll be onto us.

By the time Batman discovers our secret,

I will know his.

Once that happens,

the Dynamic Duo will be zilch, zeroes.

(TWO FACE LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

(SIGHS)

HUGO: How dare they fire me after one little mishap?

I'll show them.

I'll show everyone.

They've not heard the last of...

Oy, gevalt! What now?

(GASPS)

Hugo Strange, we meet again,

face to face.

I believe we have unfinished business.

(PROTESTING IN GERMAN)

(HUGO SCREAMING)

The Bat-computer can't seem to turn up any suspects

who might want to frame Harvey.

It's because Dent's the one behind it.

You're letting Bruce Wayne's friendship with him

taint your crime-fighting objectivity.

And you're letting Dick Grayson's insecurity

taint yours.

Holy blind spot, Batman.

How can you not see Dent's up to his neck in this?

Sirs.

Robin, I haven't had to say this in quite some time.

Go to your room.

Gladly.

Master Robin?

Let him go, Alfred. Two Face has us all on edge.

The boy just needs some fresh air.

Perhaps I do too.

Is there something else, sir?

I'm supposed to see Catwoman tonight,

but I can't lose focus. A man's good name is at stake.

Friends before females, eh, sir?

Indeed, Alfred.

CATWOMAN: That does it!

No man, or Batman, stands up the Catwoman.

(CAT MEOWING)

How did you get in here, you little tramp?

Hello, Catwoman. I'm afraid I've got bad news.

The parole board denied your request.

Friend of yours?

As a matter of fact, yes.

(GROANING)

Well done, Hecate.

You've earned an extra treat tonight.

(GROANING)

(GASPING)

Let me out of here!

She's getting away.

Hey, pipe down, or you're going in solitary.

Hmm.

Not bad.

In fact, purr-fect.

Master Dick, may I come in?

I have milk and cookies.

My word!

The game is afoot, Mr. Dent.

(ENGINE STARTING)

Caught you, you duplicitous DA!

Holy resurrection! The evil extractor!

HARVEY: Robin?

What are you doing?

Get out of here before it's too late.

I don't think so, Har... (GROANS)

TWO FACE: You should have listened to Harvey.

Now sleep tight, won't you?

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Wakey, wakey, bird boy.

(GRUNTING)

Who are you, you depraved devil?

How did you get Dent mixed up in this?

Dent is a useful idiot.

He serves his purpose.

Now it's your turn, Robin.

The Boy Guinea Pig.

Soon we'll see if lightning strikes twice.

You'll never figure out how to use that without...

HUGO: Hugo Strange?

You know what they say.

If you can't kill them in a horrible lab experiment,

join them.

Consider this an experiment in terror.

- (TWO FACE LAUGHING) - (GASPS)

No!

(GASPING)

(CONSOLE BEEPING)

Yes, Alfred?

It's Master Dick, sir. He's gone missing.

The arrogance of youth.

I took the precaution of activating

the Bat-homing beacon in his utility belt.

I'm sending you the coordinates now.

Good job, Alfred. I'm on my way.

(ROBIN LAUGHING EVILLY)

Robin, I know you're upset,

but this is not an appropriate way to blow off steam.

You should have joined a young men's basketball league

or taken up model kit building.

For your own good, when we get home, you're grounded.

Not if I put you in the ground first.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

Robin, old chum, what's happened?

Batman, stay away! (YELLS)

How's that for a sidekick, old chum?

(YELLING)

Batman, look out!

(GROANING)

(YELLING)

The evil extract formula seems quite potent.

But for your plan, we'll need a much bigger batch.

Don't worry about that.

I know just where we can get some.

Don't hold back, Batman. I must be stopped.

Your mother wears combat boots.

This will hurt me more than it does you, old chum.

(GROANING)

(GROANING)

ALFRED: Master Dick.

(SNARLS)

Goodness!

What's the matter, Jeeves?

Never seen someone get up on the wrong side of the bed?

Don't talk to Alfred that way.

Tell me he can be saved, sir.

I hope not. I'm tired of being a square.

Please, Batman, help me.

Not to worry, old chum. I think I have an antidote.

I've got your antidote right here, Batman.

(GROANING)

(GASPS)

Gosh, I feel like I need to wash my mouth out with soap.

Good show, Master Bruce.

Batman, Dent is working with Strange.

I owe you an apology, Robin.

I was remiss in not giving the evidence its proper weight.

But you were right. Dent is involved,

but someone else is pulling the strings.

Then my faith isn't entirely misplaced.

There's still hope for Harvey yet.

What is it?

Batman took the liberty of testing your costume for any

foreign residue.

According to the Bat-computer,

your cape contained traces of a fine blue chalk.

Holy billiards.

Precisely.

And this particular brand of pool chalk

is used by only one place in town.

The newly refurbished Winning Pair Casino,

where Harvey is holding his bachelor auction.

A crime fighter forewarned is a crime fighter forearmed.

To the Batmobile.

Batman, look at the size of those balls.

They must have cost a fortune.

BATMAN: The previous owner made his money

running small-time gambling dens.

He knew luck always favored the house.

It's easy to forget that statistically,

gambling is always a losing proposition.

Boy Wonder, your sudden breakout

seems to have cleared up.

Who are you, Two Face?

We're done with your ghoulish games.

Then you shouldn't have come here.

Batman in the corner pocket.

(LAUGHING)

ROBIN: Holy compaction, we'll be crushed.

Quickly, Robin. This is the only way.

(BEEPING)

(BOTH GROAN)

What now, boss?

Prepare them for the showstopper.

But first, take a memo.

Dear Gotham's criminal elite...

(JOKER LAUGHING)

Huh?

Oh, how delicious.

It's an invitation.

"Two Face cordially invites you to..."

"...the unmasking of the Dynamic Duo,

"Batman and Robin."

(LAUGHING JOYFULLY)

Oh, rapturous day!

(RIDDLER LAUGHING)

"Follow the directions to the newly refurbished

"Winning Pair Casino on 2222 Janice Lane."

Huzzah! Huzzah!

(LAUGHING)

(BOTH GROANING)

Holy half dollar.

Is this how it ends, Batman?

Steady, old chum.

A level head is

the crime fighter's greatest asset.

If I could just reach...

No, Robin! It's booby-trapped.

Any sudden movement could trigger it.

And we'll be catapulted over those spikes.

(GULPS)

At least he's giving us a 50-50 chance.

Don't be fooled, Boy Wonder.

Our weight will ensure that we fall

face-down on those spikes.

HARVEY: Batman's right.

BATMAN: Harvey, it's not too late.

Help us take down the man who put you up to this.

But I'm as guilty as he is.

I just couldn't take being a peon in the DA's office.

So when he offered me this Faustian deal,

I took it.

I still believe in you, Harvey.

Then you're a fool!

Mr. Wayne had your face restored.

You were reformed.

I'm afraid Bruce only...

(HARVEY GROANING)

...healed the scars on the outside, Batman.

(CONTINUES GROANING)

No mere surgery could keep Two Face at bay for long.

Holy Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!

Of course, the scars are a physical manifestation

of the evil extractor's gases.

You've been living a double life this whole time.

Harvey's not the only one living a double life.

Is he, Batman?

And soon the secret beneath that cowl

will be exposed for all of Gotham to see.

You grizzly gargoyle,

there's no way you can know Batman's secret identity.

Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Boy Blatherer.

(LAUGHING)

This fiend forced me to set up this charity auction as a ruse

to trap Bruce Wayne in a lie.

I only agreed because I didn't believe him.

Bruce wouldn't keep anything that important from me.

And yet the always punctual Bruce Wayne

hasn't shown up for his own auction,

which could only mean that he's been indisposed

as Batman is now.

Voila!

The indignity of it all.

Holy indecent exposure.

Batman and Bruce Wayne, one and the same.

Bruce, how could you keep secrets from your old friend?

And you must be his youthful ward, Dick Grayson.

I told you they were living double lives.

What devilish diabolitry have you devised for us next?

I know people who would pay dearly for this information,

which is why I gathered them all here.

(LAUGHING)

Now, one of Batman's

greatest enemies will have the opportunity

to buy his identity.

We'll start the bidding at $1 million.

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPING)

Me, me! One million bucks.

Oh, it's a good thing I had some spare change

laying around between the couch cushions.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Cease that cacophonous cackling,

you malignant muttonhead!

The Penguin says a million and five.

Riddle me this.

Why are we like Two Face's henchmen? Answer.

Because we're all doing his bidding.

(LAUGHING)

(BOTH GROAN)

Two million.

CATWOMAN: Three million.

Catwoman, you larcenous lynx.

Four million.

(ALL ARGUING)

(BELL DINGING)

CATWOMAN: Silence!

No one outbids the Princess of Plunder.

Batman is mine to undo when I see fit and not before.

No one will see under his hood besides me.

Five million.

(ALL GASP)

Oh, that's a little rich for my blood.

But what do you say, we combine the pot and we all get a peek?

Then ten million it is.

(WHOOPING)

Going once. Going twice.

Sold to all the villains of Gotham.

(LAUGHING)

Now let's claim our prize.

Have your fun, boys.

But I have another engagement.

I'm sorry, Batman.

If they find out our identity,

it'll be the end of Batman and Robin.

Then we have to trigger this giant coin.

But you said it yourself, it's rigged.

There's no choice. Now.

Egad! Come back here.

We paid good money for you.

Robin, do precisely as I say.

Shift your weight ten degrees to the left.

Based on my calculations,

it will change the coin's center of gravity, and thus...

(ALL YELPING)

Thanks for your help, Catwoman.

I'm sorry about standing you up.

I've accepted the fact that your first love will

always be crime-fighting, Batman.

So if you won't join my side,

perhaps I'll join yours.

The Caped Crusaders are free.

Treasonous trollop!

Get them, men, or it's curtains!

Let Robin and I handle this.

You might get hurt.

Silly boy, I know cat-rate.

Hiya!

BATMAN: Strange's new and improved evil extractor.

While those fiends were bidding,

Two Face was collecting their evil essence.

Why would he need so much?

Great Scott, that's it!

He plans to turn all of Gotham into Two Faces.

Forgive me if I don't face this foe with you, Batman.

But green isn't my color.

You've done more than enough, Catwoman.

Promise me you'll turn yourself in

to the nearest authorities.

Of course, Batman.

Cross my heart.

Quickly, Robin. There's no time.

There, Batman. We'll never catch him.

I already summoned the Batcycle.

This antidote is our last chance.

We may cure Harvey yet.

(ALL GASP)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL COUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey...

(BOTH COUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(GASPS)

Look out, men!

(LAUGHING)

DUMAS: (ON RADIO) Citizens of Gotham,

this is Desmond Dumas warning you to head for cover.

That mutilated master of multiplicity, Two Face,

he's dousing the entire city with some strange kind of gas.

I repeat, head for... (COUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

Robin, use the mini bazooka to disable his flight gear.

(LAUGHING)

Holy hairpin turn!

(LAUGHING)

(WHIMPERING)

It's no use, Batman. That fiend's an ace pilot.

Then there's only one thing left to do.

Use our ejector seats to get altitude, and pray

the Bat-boot jets can do the rest.

Brace yourself.

Now, Robin!

(BOTH GASP)

Batman!

Careful, old chum. It is quite a drop.

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

You'll never take me alive. Take cover.

Robin, behind the Bat-shield.

(LAUGHING)

Batman, this place is going to blow.

Then this is as far as you go, old chum.

I'm going after Two Face,

and try to get close enough to use the antidote.

ROBIN: It's gone!

It must have cracked open during the mayhem.

Then you can't go after him, Batman.

It'll be certain death.

I have to. I can't give up on Harvey.

His friendship means a lot to you, doesn't it?

Yes.

But not as much as yours does, Boy Wonder.

I wouldn't want anyone else at my side

in this never-ending fight against crime.

Now move to safety. That's an order.

As a duly deputized officer of the law and your friend,

I implore you to fight this, Harvey.

(BATMAN GROANS)

I detest cheap sentiment.

Bruce, I... I can't

tell you how terribly sorry I am about all this...

You're weak, Dent.

And now that you've outlived your usefulness to me,

it's time I snuffed you out.

(CHOKING)

(HARVEY SCREAMING)

There's no one left to protect you, Masked Manhunter.

- (BOTH CLICKING) - (TWO FACE GROANS)

BATMAN: I've been counting your bullets.

Now it's you that's on the auction block,

and my fists are the highest bidders.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Harvey, stay strong.

(GROANS)

(GROWLS)

(YELLING)

(GROANS)

(GROANING)

Goodbye, Batman.

Wait. Doesn't the coin have to decide?

Curse you, Batman, for being right.

No, impossible.

No!

Tell me what to do.

Can't decide.

Now's your chance, Harvey. Fight him!

(SCREAMING)

You did this. I'll destroy you.

No! He's my friend.

He believed in me when no one else would.

He was a fool to trust us.

There's no "us" anymore, Two Face.

I'm Harvey Dent... (GROANS)

District Attorney... (GROANS)

And I'm bringing you to justice. (GROANING)

Harvey!

Batman... Bruce, old friend.

Let's get out of here, Harvey.

Batman, are you all right?

I'm fine, Robin.

What about Two Face?

He's gone, Boy Wonder.

He's... (GROANS)

Batman, we rounded up all of the super-criminals.

But Catwoman's gone.

That tricky minx.

Still, Robin and I owe our lives to her.

However were you able to outwit that

grand-guignol gonzo, Two Face?

I'm afraid to say I cheated, Commissioner.

During our fight, I replaced Two Face's coin with a blank.

His inability to act gave me the opening I needed.

That poor abandoned soul.

But even Harvey Dent must again pay for his crimes,

no matter what his mental state.

True, but for now, there is quite a mess in Gotham

we must clean up.

Initiating Bat-Evil-Essence Antidote Bombs.

(BEEPING)

Take that, you Two Faced fiends.

Decorum, old chum. They are citizens, after all.

Gosh, yes. Sorry, Batman.

Batman's cured all of Gotham.

That is, most of Gotham.

(GRUNTING)

(EXCLAIMS IN RELIEF)

I feel like I've been on a three-day bender.

GORDON: No matter how dire the peril,

no matter how hopeless the odds,

you can always count on Batman.

Gosh, Bruce, it's been months.

How do you think Harvey will act when he sees us?

The warden says Harvey's been a model prisoner.

I mean, about him knowing our secret identities.

This is one time I'm afraid

even Batman doesn't know what to expect.

Master Bruce, Mr. Dent has arrived

for his charity bachelor auction.

Thanks, Bruce.

Once again, you've helped me

in ways I can never begin to repay.

Ah, don't mention it, Harvey.

That's what old friends are for.

Say, I better get up there.

Holy amnesia, he doesn't remember.

Two Face knew our secret,

but it seems Harvey has repressed that memory.

Clearly, Two Face lies dormant,

buried deep in Harvey's psyche.

For now, we can only hope it stays that way.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

I wonder if Harvey will be auctioning himself.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, I might need to borrow some money, Alfred.

Why, Mrs. Cooper!

Heavens to Betsy,

I'm all a-tingle, Bruce. Bruce?

HARVEY: Thank you for that warm welcome.

And now, without further ado,

I'd like to present our first item up for auction,

the most eligible bachelor in Gotham City...

Batman.

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

(APPLAUSE)

Who will make the first bid?

Holy Hugh Hefner.

Meow.

(BATMAN THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

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