Original subtitles

Dylan, don't be rude!

What? I mean, how did they even meet?

They met through the computer.

How can you meet a person through the computer?

What kind of girls like guys who like computers?

Your mother, for one.

Gross!

Puke.

Are they gonna get married?

Who cares? She's not even hot.

She's pretty.

Okay, lesbo.

Dylan!

What? Are we not allowed to joke anymore?

Just, cut it out!

Why did Mikey Walters get kicked off the football team?

Hey, Wyrn.

The seniors made the whole team watch this porno...

-Hey, Charley.

-Listen, Mads Nillson fingered your sister

at the cinemas yesterday.

-Mads from Sweden?

-Norway.

Thought you should know.

So, when something happens to one of you,

does the other one feel it?

Like, in their brain?

I think that's only identical twins.

Cool.

Okay. See you.

-Hey, Uncle Chet? -Hm hmm?

Can I ask you something?

How did you and Flor meet?

On the internet.

In a chat room.

Which is not a real room.

Doesn't she only speak Spanish?

It's amazing all the stuff you can say

with just your body.

You know what I mean by that, right?

What's your favorite thing about being in a couple

with Flor?

I think it's that she's my girlfriend

and my best friend.

I thought Steve Marker from the factory

was your best friend.

He was.

But Steve can be a real dildo.

Who's your best friend? Myrcella?

I don't think your sister can be your best friend.

Also she's been really mean all summer.

Yeah, she's been mean to me, too.

You're gonna make a ton of friends

in high school, though.

I had so many friends in high school.

Girlfriends, too.

Do you want a girlfriend?

Yeah, or someone to talk to who's my age, you know?

I just think with the right girlfriend

you'd be really happy.

You can do your homework together,

you can listen to those tapes you make.

You can experiment and learn things, you know,

about each other's bodies.

Now, hold still, buddy.

I'm a woman now.

I need privacy and space for my personal items.

Opposite sex siblings our age...

should not be sharing rooms.

Even Izzy and her sister got different rooms...

when Izzy got her period.

I propose you move into Dylan's room.

It's empty, there's no such thing as ghosts.

And it has its own phone line.

Of our shared items,

you may keep the electric pencil sharpener.

Uncle Chet's lava lamp and the dinorama.

Please let me know within 48 hours

if you accept these terms, so I can redecorate

before school starts.

Uncle Chet says the nachos are ready.

I don't want Mads Nillson fingering anyone in our room.

What?

I don't wanna be related to the only freak

in 9th grade who can't get his collar popped.

What?

You are literally the last incoming freshman

to complete their level one sexuality requirement,

typically osculation.

Kissing.

Not including Franklin.

Which we don't.

Because of his autism.

Right.

Of course.

Two weeks until we lock schedules for the semester,

so, hop to it! Huh?

Hate to see that collar stuck on another year.

Can't have any body left alone.

That's the policy.

We're collecting collars on picture day.

We've been mailing reminders all summer, so...

You know, we're trying to go paperless, but, ah, you know.

What about an extension?

Because of Dylan, you know?

A death in the family should work in your favor.

Statistically.

Creep.

Yeah.

Creep.

♪ Don't know what I wish we were ♪

♪ When I get too close the window close ♪

♪ Don't know what you wish I was ♪

♪ But at the end of the day I'm just another broken... ♪

♪ I don't need to wonder where the wind blows ♪

♪ And now we're two, I can be your hero ♪

♪ I don't want you, round and round we go ♪

Wyrm!

Wyrm!

Wyrm!

What?

Stop staring.

It's gross.

I wasn't staring.

Your name's Wyrm?

Yeah.

-Like the bug? -No.

With a “Y” in the middle.

I'm Izzy.

The “y” is at the end.

-Did you just move here? -Yeah.

But my boyfriend still lives in Florida so,

don't get any ideas.

I mean, I'm probably gonna break up with him.

Still...

His name's Karl.

With a “C” or a “K”?

“K”, obviously.

You should leave before I practice my dance.

It's provocative.

-What's that? -What?

Oh, hey, it's your, ah, it's your birthday present!

It's a computer.

The Internet.

Huh?

Your dad put it in.

I'm just making sure it works.

The birthday isn't until Saturday.

About that, Myrcella wants to have a pool party,

but I said you have to be okay with that.

But, we don't have a pool.

We're gonna get one at Big Shop.

Hey, you okay with nachos again tonight?

Totally.

All eyes will be on the pair to see

if this relationship will flourish...

and lead to additional elephants in the future,

through intercourse.

Do you guys wanna go see these elephants?

I'm not eating nachos anymore.

What?

WYRM: Is dad coming to eat with us?

Not tonight, buddy.

-What's wrong with nachos? -They make you fat.

I don't think that's true.

I heard Mads Nillson loves fat girls,

because his mom's fat,

and he has an epidus complex.

It's psychology! -Hey.

-It's Oedipus. -Hey.

And you're the one obsessed with Mom.

Hey!

Flor made salad.

Wow.

Maybe we could all go to the zoo next week and see them?

-See who? -The elephants.

Should I bring him some nachos?

-Who? -Dad.

After dinner.

So, Flor drove all the way from her mom's

to spend time with you kids.

Didn't she need to give you your car back

because she borrowed it without asking?

She asked, I just didn't understand

what she was saying.

Dumb.

You guys excited to be done with Junior High?

It's called middle school.

Of course, baby.

High school is the best.

What about college?

Well, I went to junior college.

What's that?

It's like college but it's two years

and there aren't any dorms.

Sounds like middle school.

Yeah.

-You guys want any advice? -Don't need it.

-I'm going to Izzy's. -Permission granted.

Thanks for letting me know.

Hey, picture day tomorrow!

Your dad wants 8x10's for the fireplace!

She says she needs privacy and space

for her personal items.

Well, your mother and I support you both

in however you choose to resolve this.

Okay.

-Hey, dad? -Yes, Wyrm?

You sure you don't want some nachos?

Well, thanks, but it's not really a bathroom food.

Hey, dad?

Yes, Wyrm?

Do you want a diet coke?

I already have one in here, but, thanks.

Hey, Dad?

-Yes, Wyrm?

How do you kiss a person?

And also...

...how do you finger them?

Look, ah... I think that's more,

uh, your mother's domain.

These are really questions your father

should be able to answer.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

-How's your hike? -MARGIE Trek.

Right.

It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Well, after giving birth to you and your sister.

You had such large heads.

But you have to keep moving forward.

It's the only direction we have.

How many more miles do you have to go?

One thousand one hundred and forty-seven.

Do you get lonely out there by yourself?

No, I've met lots of nice people here

to keep me company.

And when it's just me I think about you and your sister.

And Dylan.

Yeah.

Hey, you're gonna be here in time for the memorial?

Of course.

How's the recording coming?

Pretty good.

I just need a few more quotes.

Everyone's been saying really nice things.

That's wonderful.

Is your sister there?

The sat phone battery Is low.

She's at Izzy's house.

Who's Izzy?

Her new friend from dance.

Oh!

I, I can have her call you back.

No, that's okay, I shouldn't leave the phone on.

Okay.

I'll call next Monday.

Question one, what is your favorite thing

and your memory about Dylan?

Dylan man, he'd just read this poem.

And, like, the whole class was crying.

But it was in Spanish.

I didn't even know he spoke Spanish.

Mom called.

You still have to say something nice

for the memorial.

I need to finish the recording.

I'm sure everyone else will give you lots of dumb quotes.

I hope Mads gives you Swedish herpes.

Herpes is the same everywhere.

Not if it's oral herpes.

At least I could actually get herpes.

I could get herpes.

The only way you could get herpes is if mom had herpes.

Don't be mean to mom.

Don't tell me what to do.

All she wants to do is talk to you

and you're not even here.

You're a bad daughter.

You don't know anything.

You're basically not even part of our family anymore.

You're going to wear that collar

for the rest of your life.

Dear Jared, the fact that you believe wearing a t-shirt

while swimming,

will make people think you are skinny means

you are actually as stupid as you are fat.

I hope the truth finds you well.

Somebody just left that in your mailbox?

That's how mail works.

I can't believe you got hate mail.

What a pussy.

Who sent it?

No one knows.

They always say these mean things that aren't even true.

Scott got one, too.

And a bunch of girls on the dance team.

Didn't you keep your shirt on at Ana's birthday party

at the lake?

I have a skin condition.

At least I don't wear turtlenecks like this weirdo.

You look like a dino dick, Wyrm!

You shouldn't make fun of him.

His brother died.

It's tragic.

I'm sorry, Myrcella.

Sorry.

It's fine.

He died a while ago.

Hey, Wyrm.

Hey, Lindsey.

Like my new ride?

Yeah.

Liar.

You get a hickey?

My neck just gets cold.

It's genetic.

Right.

So, when's my interview for the memorial?

Um, soon.

I've just been really busy with some personal things.

Great.

Well, hope you can pencil me in.

Yeah, for sure.

And Wyrm.

Try rotating the chunky part to the back.

Smile.

No.

Next!

Please have your arm measurement in hand

so that you may be efficiently provided...

your secondary school Monitoring Wrist Band.

If you do not know your wrist size,

please see Frank, our parent volunteer...

at the wrist measuring station

before getting in line.

Next!

And remember,

please gently place you're my ECU collars...

in the recycling bin before you see Frank.

Thanks to science,

we know that the physical, “physics”,

is completely intertwined with the emotional,

“emotions”.

Girls are more attuned to emotions,

boys are more attuned to physics.

Not physics like the academic subject, though.

Girls are actually better at that than boys.

Statistically.

Let's all thank Frank for his time.

Frank is Becca's father and is recently divorced.

Next!

Now, please open your booklets to page 18.

On each page are two relationship matrices.

One for your feelings toward the party in question,

the other for the feelings you imagine they...

feel for you.

Please fill these out for your family,

friends, potential partners, and any teachers

you feel a strong connection with.

If the connection is too strong,

we'll let the district administrators know.

Monitoring Bands must be worn on your non-dominant hand.

Students with a disability such as not having hands,

will be provided an equally capable

ankle attached Monitor.

Next!

Next!

I'll come back.

One...

...two...

...three!

Thank you, George.

Wyrm, you can't complete your level one

sexuality requirement... on your own.

It defeats the entire purpose of the program.

If we allowed students to “pop their own collars”,

well, that's all anyone would do!

And then they'd be lonely.

And lonely children are dangerous.

Especially lonely boys.

All we want is for you to keep up.

And we are willing to do whatever it takes...

to make sure that happens.

Including holding you back.

Hi, Mrs. Alderman, is Jessica there?

Hi, Jessica.

It's me, Wyrm.

Wyrm from school.

I was wondering.

How would you like to make 41 dollars today?

Hello?

Did you try calling all the girls you know

and see if they would just do it for money

or something?

Yeah.

I made it to Mallory Fletcher and then I had to stop...

because my mouth got really dry and I started

getting really sad.

That's not very far.

Look.

It's so easy, we just have to kiss for,

like one minute and then it will be over and you'll be,

like, a year ahead of all your friends.

What if someone catches us?

No one comes in here.

Just don't be nervous.

I think that's the important thing.

Let me think about it.

You shouldn't think about it.

That's the other important thing.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Fuck!

Ah, goddamnit!

Dear Trevor, you should not have gone

streaking at the JV game in April.

Everyone tells you that it was funny,

but what you obviously fail to realize...

is that your wiener is very small,

even considering the fact that it was a cold day.

Dear Blake... Dear Walter...

...Your mother is an alcoholic...

...Your brother got sent to boarding school...

...because he touched Nancy's little sister

under the clothes...

No one wants to go to sleepovers

at your house anymore...

because their parents are worried that being

a pedo might run in your family.

I hope the truth finds you well.

...the truth finds you well.

I hope the truth finds you well.

Women love injuries.

Yeah?

Yeah, it's biology.

It symbolizes that you're a warrior.

Maybe not a good one, in your case, but, you know.

It's science.

What are you painting?

It's Flor.

But I can't show it to you.

Oh.

It's a nude.

Hey.

I won't tell anyone.

You swear?

Dylan, man, he was just, he was such a great guy.

He had beautiful skin, it was like,

like white foam at the beach.

He was my MVP.

I mean, he was, like, the actual MVP, you know?

But, he was my MVP, too.

Like, in my life.

I have to pee.

If there was a fantasy draft for dead buddies,

he'd be my number one pick, all damn day.

Perfect.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Oh, hey.

Nothing.

-Were you spying on me? -No.

Yeah.

Sorry.

It's fine.

What are you doing in here?

I got bored with the movie.

Totally.

And I've never been in a dead persons's room before.

Thought it'd be scary.

He didn't die in here.

That's probably it.

Why were you taking pictures?

I like to take pictures of people's rooms

when they're not there.

Can I see?

It's pretty neat.

I better get back.

A lady can only spend so much time in the bathroom.

Do you wanna see something cool?

My mom has one of these.

So, are you coming to the party?

Yeah.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Cool.

Prime location.

And... stop.

Okay, Wyrm, you're with me.

We'll get the pool for the party,

and some tropical stuff, definitely tiki torches,

and any school supplies you need.

Maybe some cologne for when you talk to women.

Yeah, cool.

Myrcella, you're with Flor.

She needs a bikini for the party,

so you can help with that.

But, make sure she buys something...

that's appropriate for a non-adult birthday party.

You can get a bikini, too, you know.

Um, or not.

Up to you.

Or a one-piece would be fine, too,

or if you already have a swimsuit then we can do--

Oh, wait, wait, wait!

There's uh, one more thing.

I'm gonna buy condoms while we're here.

I normally buy them when I'm alone,

late at night, but Flor needs my car tomorrow

so I need to buy them now.

‘Cause I'm out.

Oh my god!

That I don't need that when we're checking out.

I need you to be mature and act like an adult

and not say anything and just look away

when the check-out lady or man scans them, okay?

Okay.

Fine.

Great.

Great.

You could shoot this thing with a gun and it won't leak.

Wow, useful...

Also we sell guns.

How much is it?

-Four thousand. -Shit!

You could drown a family of six in it.

And a big dog.

Maybe one of Myrcella's friends will feel bad for you

and kiss you at the party.

Maybe.

Or probably not.

But there's always a chance.

Oh, no.

That's okay.

I'm gonna keep it.

Ah!

What?

Yeah.

My lady.

Sexy.

This party's sick.

Is anyone sitting here?

No.

What kind of cake did you guys get?

-Ice cream. -Mint?

-Chocolate. -Good.

Hey! Everyone!

Listen.

-Show some respect. -Thank you.

Mads and I would like to play hide and go seek.

Oh, God!

Charley, since you're the only 7th grader,

you can be the seeker.

I'm gonna find you guys so fast.

‘cause I'm the best!

Everyone else can hide with the person

you're pooling with.

Let's begin.

This is a really good hiding spot.

No one's looking for us.

Everyone's just making out.

Oh.

I'm gonna open these doors now.

Totally.

It was getting uncomfortable.

Maybe we can hear them.

Your house makes weird sounds.

Sorry.

Why do you like dinosaurs so much?

When I was little, my dad told me that...

dinosaurs were kings on another planet.

And they came to Earth so they could rule here too,

but they all died off.

They couldn't keep up and all the other animals

passed them by.

They just kept falling behind.

That sounds made up.

Yeah. Definitely.

It's cool, though.

I should help my uncle clean up.

Oh... okay.

Okay.

Hey, Wyrm.

Hey, Mads.

This is a fun birthday party.

Thank you.

-Listen. -What?

I feel that you should move rooms.

What?

Myrcella needs her own room.

It's important for our relationship.

Also...

maybe you are alone

because people think you are a pervert...

for sleeping in the same room with your sister

when there is another room with no one in it.

Maybe they think you want to spy on her

or kiss her or worse.

I don't think that, but...

maybe some girls think that and talk about it

when you are not around.

Come on.

Maybe someday we can be brothers.

Hey.

Hey!

What a shit hide and seek.

No one cared when I found them.

Flor's so sexy.

What if she becomes your aunt?

That'd be so cool.

Foreign chicks are just so sexy.

I mean, she's not even as hot as the girl

on the pool sticker, but she's sexier.

My aunt's from Kansas.

Do you think that's why girls like Mads?

Even though he's not that handsome.

Because he's from Sweden?

Norway.

I guess.

But he's pretty handsome.

Can I borrow your sister's scooter?

Hi.

This is my friend, Wyrm.

He's from Germany,

looking for an American girlfriend

while he studies here.

Wyrm, this is my cousin Becky and her friend.

I'll leave you to it.

Hi.

Aren't you ashamed to be from Germany?

Yeah, aren't you ashamed?

No.

Why?

-Because of Nazis. -Yeah, because of Nazis.

Sam is Jewish.

Usually Becky's really nice.

On Easter she caught me looking at her boobs

and didn't say anything.

It's okay.

It was a stupid idea.

What are you gonna do now?

I don't know.

Look on my works, ye ladies, and despair!

Hi Sam.

Hey.

Ooh!

Oh, shit!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, shitty balls!

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I almost landed it.

-Were you watching? -You were so close.

I'm probably gonna have scars for the rest of my life.

Scars are sexy.

You're sexy.

Nice.

One...

...two...

...three.

In a few weeks we will reapply a new cast...

...that's not as snug.

Just don't scratch too much.

Hey, Chet?

Yeah?

Why don't you go get the car and I'll send Wyrm out

in a minute?

Oh, yeah.

Sounds good, yeah.

I'll be out front, buddy.

Thanks, thanks Doc.

Wyrm?

Yeah?

How are things at home?

Good.

Great.

Did-- Has your, um--

How are things with your uncle?

Is he nice to you and your sister?

Yeah.

Super nice.

Not too nice, though, right?

-What? -Nothing.

How are your parents?

Great.

My dad got us Internet...

Oh.

And my mom's still on her trek.

She got 1,000 miles to go.

We're all really proud of her.

I'm thinking of going to see her when she comes by.

That's great, Wyrm.

Is there anything else I can help you with?

Dylan was a fine patient who developed...

pubic and axillary hair much earlier

than most in his cohort.

Does that work?

Yes.

Thank you.

Hi, Wyrm.

Hey, Lindsey.

Who beat you up?

Was it your uncle?

Uncles are weird.

No.

I... fell.

You're a terrible liar.

Just like your brother.

Why are you here?

Physical therapy.

For what?

My legs.

Oh.

So, really, what happened?

I broke my arm with a hammer.

Why?

I thought if I was injured and...

had a cool cast maybe a girl would feel bad for me...

and we could kiss and maybe do other stuff.

I thought about breaking my leg

but I wanted to walk still.

I'm sorry.

Uh, Lyndsey Smith, exam room “C”.

Do you know how stupid you are?

Yes.

Good.

Also Ted Bundy did that when he murdered women.

You and Ted Bundy have the same ideas.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

What are you looking at?

The Internet.

It has pictures of everything.

Not just naked people.

Murdered people, too.

Everything in real life they can't put on TV.

-Can I ask you something? -You just did.

I need your help.

I'll move into Dylan's room.

I'm going to go to the bathroom

and then go check my electronic mail.

I'll probably be gone for a while.

Not because of the bathroom part.

Do you like the movie?

It's okay.

I like your black eye.

Thank you.

You'd look cool with a black eye.

You're funny.

I broke up with Karl.

Just so you know.

Karl from Florida?

Yeah.

I'm-- I'm sorry.

Don't be.

He was a loser.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Didn't know how good he had.

What a dildo.

Yeah.

Do you think I'm sexy?

So much.

Then why don't you kiss me?

Do you have any questions first?

What?

We just-- don't know each other that well.

Why did your parents call you Wyrm?

I don't know.

Okay.

On behalf of the City Secondary School,

I would like to congratulate you for completing

your level one sexuality requirement,

typically osculation.

Please retain that certificate for your records.

I can offer you a handshake or a hug.

If you'd prefer a hug, I'll need to have

one of my female colleagues step in to provide it.

What are you always looking at?

The Internet.

Have you seen it?

Not really.

No.

It's like...

...everything.

...which brings me to the easy mnemonic to keep in mind

as you move into the next stage

of your sexual and emotional developments.

Not too early, not too late!

Should sexual intercourse be completed

before your senior year,

you will be moved into the vocational program,

a track more streamlined for your...

advanced trajectory into adulthood.

She says she and Karl are trying to patch things up,

but, I'm gonna ask her our before the memorial.

I'll bet she says “yes”.

Yeah.

How many more miles do you have left?

One thousand and four.

So you'll be passing by here in a few days.

Yes, I almost forgot.

Yeah.

I was thinking maybe I could get Uncle Chet to drive me...

down to the trail so I could say hi.

Mom?

Sorry.

The battery is getting low but that sounds wonderful.

-Yeah? - Yes!

Have Chet call me when he gets a chance.

Dear, Sebastian,

none of us have forgotten how you pooped your pants

all the way until the 5th grade.

Girls are afraid to go on dates with you

because they are worried you're gonna go

in your pants, picked up.

I hope the truth finds you well.

It has been brought to our attention that

you are the individual sending these cruel,

albeit factual, letters to many of our students.

Do you have anything to say for yourself?

The triangle is actually the loneliest shape...

due to the fact that, at any point in time,

each individual corner wonders...

if the other two corners are closer to one another.

Please excuse the interruption.

Many of you students received letters this summer...

that you have referred to as the “Hate Mail”.

Short, often harsh, yet accurate descriptions

of yourselves, delivered via an anonymous source.

Thanks to the brave work of a foreign exchange student...

who shall not be named,

we have determined who has been distributing

these notes.

If you received one of these letters in question,

please see Myrcella Whitner for a formal apology,

If you have not received one of these letters,

please ignore this announcement

and all other information presented herein.

Hey.

Is there something wrong with your sister?

No, she's... fine.

Why?

Well, Flor made her a salad,

and she said she never wanted to eat again.

I think it's her period.

Maybe I should try to talk to her.

No.

I mean, it's okay.

I'll ah, bring her some salad in a few minutes.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, for sure.

Izzy's gonna come with us to see Mom on Saturday.

-That's this Saturday. -What?

It's just.

Gonna need to reschedule.

Flor needs the car.

What do you mean? What for?

She just needs it.

I'll call your mom though and we'll do it again

in a few days.

She won't be there in a dew days.

She's passing by this weekend.

I mapped out the trek.

We'll just meet her the next trail head.

It's no biggie.

Flor can't just take your car whenever she wants!

It's your car.

Wyrm, when you're in a couple and you love each other--

-You're not in love! -Hey.

Come on!

You met on the Internet and you're not even married.

She's just using you for rides!

Girls do it at my school all the time.

Shit!

Go away.

I brought you a salad.

I'll just leave it out here.

I know it was you.

What?

It was Mads.

Stop lying!

It's not my fault you picked a bad boyfriend.

I hate you.

And not in the way we used to say I hate you to Uncle Chet

when he tickled us too much.

I hate you so much I don't care about you at all.

I am ambivalent.

Kid.

Hey.

Kid.

-What? -Park's closing at sunset.

I'm waiting for my mom.

-Here? -Yeah.

She's hiking the trail.

We don't get a lot of hikers this time of year.

She's not like other moms.

You'll have to come back tomorrow.

Fine.

How did you find me?

Sorry.

I forgot.

I quiet, but I listen.

I hear.

Where are we going?

Okay.

We're told that zoo officials initially believe

that the elephants' reticence to implement

intercourse...

stems from a quote performative shyness.

Hey.

You're in big trouble.

Yeah, I know.

I haven't figured out your punishment,

but it's gonna be bad.

I'd spank you, but that's weird.

What're you watching?

The news.

They're shutting down the elephant exhibit.

Why?

Turns out one of them's an Indian elephant

and the other one's an African elephant...

and they can't talk to each other.

I guess there's different elephant languages.

They wouldn't mate and got pretty depressed

and stopped eating.

Almost died.

I'm sorry we didn't go with you sooner.

Ah, no biggie.

Myrcella says there's pictures of elephants

on the Internet, anyway.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah. Shoot.

Why didn't you become a painter?

I am a painter!

I paint all the time.

But, like... ...for a job?

Lots of boring reasons.

Ever tell you I was the first kid in my whole class

to French a girl?

-Really? -Yeah.

Becky Mathers.

She was-- she was really pretty.

Hey.

You like Flor, right?

Yeah.

She's pretty cool.

Yeah.

She is pretty cool.

Okay.

Good night, buddy.

Punishment tomorrow.

Good night.

Hello?

-Hey. -Oh, hey.

Hello?

Is Wyrm there?

One sec.

Wyrm.

Wyrm.

Wyrm!

What?

It's for you.

Hello?

Hey. It's Izzy.

Hey. What's up?

So, my dad wants me to come meet his girlfriend...

and have dinner with them at his hotel room.

I don't want to go, but my mom's making me.

-That sucks. - Yeah.

So, do you want to come?

Oh.

Yeah.

-Okay. - Great.

I'd ask one of other my friends,

but I'm too ashamed.

Awesome.

I'm getting another call.

I'd like to record my quote for the memorial now.

Please state your full name.

Myrcella Francis Whitner.

Thank you.

Question one, what's your favorite thing and or memory

about Dylan?

When he...

...died.

Why would you say that?

Why would you make this dumb tape?

Just say something nice.

For mom.

He wasn't nice.

He was mean.

He never even talked to us.

He was a big brother.

That's how big brothers are.

He was just...

he was really busy.

Just because he was good at things doesn't mean

he was a good person.

Everyone says nice things about him now...

because they're worried people will think

they're rude or that he'll haunt them.

But he was an asshole.

A bunch of stupid lies from stupid people

won't change that.

So, are you enjoying school?

It's fine.

-How's your mom? -She works out a lot.

Ah, that's great.

Is there HBO in the room?

Yeah. There is, and get this, karaoke at the restaurant,

if you want to come sing something.

No.

Are you coming?

You know, Penelope's son, Garrett,

he had a birthmark on, on his neck.

Richard.

What?

So?

Well, he had it removed with lasers and computers

It's like it was never there.

You know, it was remarkable, really.

Neat!

I think you're beautiful no matter what.

You're beautiful.

Richard tells me you're on the dance team.

At your school.

Yeah, so?

♪ I heard a sound that called to me all through my heart ♪

♪ I knew it was your voice ♪

♪ Whoever said that I was a victim of love ♪

♪ This was my own choice ♪

♪ As the wind goes howling through the trees ♪

Do you want another Shirley Temple?

No.

♪ And the fog's so thick, I can barely see ♪

♪ And my heart is racing, skips a beat ♪

I'll be right back.

♪ ...your hand on me ♪

♪ Woah ♪

Mom?

So, you're taking a break from trekking?

No!

Of course not!

There was a forest fire and I had to divert

for a few days from the trail.

Didn't your uncle tell you?

Yeah.

Yeah, there was a huge blaze.

Plus, I needed supplies.

I need to restock.

Can't let some silly forest fire slow things down, right?

Right.

Hey.

Want to go to Big Shop?

How's your sister?

She's okay.

And your father?

Still constipated.

He doesn't really like talking to us.

That's not true.

He's always at work or in the bathroom.

If you want to talk to your father

about something you have to talk to him

about something else.

Like sports.

Well, what am I saying?

Not sports because he doesn't care for sports.

He doesn't enjoy them.

Do you understand?

I don't know.

Kind of.

Well, you'll be the man of the house, soon.

Myrcella already thinks she's a woman.

Hm.

Girls grow up faster than boys.

Why?

I think...

I think the world makes us.

Tell Myrcella I still like to talk to her about womanhood.

I'll call on Monday night.

When are you coming home?

Well, not for a little while longer.

We have to keep moving forward.

It's the only direction we have.

You look so much like your brother.

Don't tell my mom.

I won't.

Richard thought you got kidnaped.

He almost called the police.

Sorry.

It's fine.

I told him you went home,

and you didn't want a ride or anything.

He and Penelope are watching HBO.

I hate her.

Don't you hate her?

Yeah.

Wyrm means dragon.

What?

In old English.

When I was born I was really small

and had a hole in my heart,

so my parents named me Wyrm so I could be stronger.

Oh.

Wanna go out with me?

No.

I don't.

But it's so cool that you would think of me that way.

Yeah.

For sure.

It's not because you're a bad kisser.

You need to know that.

So, like, for other reasons?

Yeah.

You should probably keep this.

I'll just throw it out.

You know, I should probably go.

It's getting pretty late.

Okay.

Is it still there?

What?

The hole in your heart?

No.

How'd they fix it?

They took a ventricle from Myrcella's heart

and plugged it.

I literally didn't eat for a week!

It's true.

He was so handsome!

You don't even look like brothers really.

I asked Dylan to talk me up to her.

Dude, he was so nice that they ended up

going to second base at Homecoming.

I wasn't even mad.

Pi never takes more than it gives,

only offering a universal usefulness

when dealing with difficult or ambiguous problems.

Math problems.

Mads?

You're needed in the principal's office.

I heard he had sex with a senior girl.

-Bullshit. -It's true!

They were both virgins so they didn't have

any condoms so he had to jizz on his own leg.

But why?

She didn't want it on her dad's car.

-He has leather seats. -Yeah.

I heard his family's gonna move so he doesn't have

to do the vocational program.

Back to Sweden.

Norway.

Angela wants to go all the way,

but, she wants to do a seance to bring

Dylan's ghost back.

Dude, like, that's funny that

you didn't see that coming.

Torn about it, because it's really important to her that

“he's inside of me.”

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Only pervs hang out under the bleachers.

I'm not a perv.

That's too bad,

I could use someone with sneaky perv skills.

For what?

It's a mission.

To get beer.

I can't be the getaway driver and the heist-er.

I didn't know you could drive.

I'm 17.

But, you don't have legs.

I still have legs, you little shit!

Oh, yeah.

But, to answer your question,

I drive this car with my hands.

You wanna see?

Holly shit!

Oh, my God!

Come on, let's go!

Do you know where we are?

This is where Dylan and I crashed.

What?

I don't know.

I thought it'd be different.

Like in a cliff or a crazy turn or something.

He was just a bad driver.

And there was ice on the road.

I guess you only need one of those.

Let me see your tape recorder.

Testing one, two.

One, two.

State your name for the record.

Wyrm Whitner.

What's your favorite color?

Blue.

What do you want the most?

A girlfriend.

Okay.

Who do you like?

Izzy.

The...

Yeah.

She doesn't like me back, though.

Boo-hoo.

Who's your best friend?

I don't have one.

What about Myrcella?

Not anymore.

God, you are so sad.

Okay, easy one.

Um, what's your favorite food?

Spaghetti.

Hmm.

-Favorite shape? -Triangle.

-Favorite teacher? -None of them.

Why didn't you visit me in the hospital?

What?

I don't remember.

Don't lie.

Boys are terrible liars even though they do it

all the time.

-You were Dylan's friend. -I was your friend too.

I was nice to you.

Not fake nice.

Real nice.

I can't explain it.

Try.

At first, everyone said you were gonna be okay,

so I thought, I don't have to go see you

because you're gonna be okay.

And then, I heard from another kid...

that you couldn't walk right now,

but it was gonna be okay,

they were teaching you learn how to walk again,

but it was gonna be okay.

And then, I...

heard from my Uncle Chet that you were paralyzed...

and that it wasn't gonna be okay.

And that was like, three weeks after the accident,

and I... I wanted to come see you,

but I thought you'd be so mad I didn't

come sooner and...

Like, when you don't do the homework,

so you, you just hope the teacher forgets about it

because it's been too long to turn it in...

and I, I just hoped...

I hoped you'd forget about me.

That sucks.

Yeah.

You probably think I'm a terrible person.

No.

I mean, yes.

But you're just a boy.

All boys are terrible people.

Why?

Because you think the world exists for you.

But it's the opposite.

I just don't want to be alone.

You're not.

You have a sister and a weird uncle.

So, stop being such a little bitch!

You're a bitch.

I know.

But-- but I have an excuse.

Is my dad coming?

Yes.

Here we go.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, kiddo.

Um, can we carpool?

I'd like to thank you all for coming.

In his honor, the school has dedicated

this decorative rock,

representing how Dylan was truly a rock

of our community.

You da MVP Dyl' Pickle.

Yes, dude!

Please note that it is not a real rock,

so do not stand or jump on it as it will break,

and was expensive.

Thanks to technology, for generations to come,

students are invited to come sit with Dylan,

and get to know him for the inspirational

young man he was,

through the words of those he inspired and moved most.

Recorded fastidiously...

by his small brother, Wyrm.

To be clear, Dylan is not buried here.

He was so handsome.

He was my MVP

Died like a pussy.

I was jealous of him.

He was so good at stuff, you know?

If there was, like a fantasy draft

for dead buddies, he'd be my number one pick.

You don't even look like brothers.

Pubic and axillary hair much earlier

than most of his cohort.

-Dylan! -What?

Don't be rude!

How did they even meet?

They met through the computer.

How can you meet a person through the computer?

What kind of girls like guys who like computers?

Your mother, for one.

Gross. Puke!

Are they gonna get married?

Who cares? She's not even hot!

She's pretty.

Okay, lesbo.

-Dylan! -What?

Are we not allowed to joke anymore?

Just, cut it out!

WYRM Why did Mikey Walters get kicked off

the football team?

Don't tell him.

The seniors made the whole team watch this porno,

and Danny Masters made everyone stand up

and he did a boner check.

Shut up.

This is not a dinner time topic.

What's a boner check?

Knock it off!

Wyrm, please pass the bread.

It's a check for boners.

Mikey had one.

But, why'd he get kicked off?

You can't get boners around your teammates.

Kills the team bonding.

Wyrm, please, pass the bread.

Boys are disgusting.

You're disgusting.

I gotta go.

I'll be home late.

It's family movie night.

Why don't you take your siblings with you?

No fucking way!

They'd be bored anyway.

But don't stay out too late.

Who all's going with you?

Lindsey.

We're meeting Bret there.

Love you, honey.

Night, kiddo.

Night.

Peace, dorks.

You are all invited to enjoy complimentary lemonade

and cookies in the gymnasium.

Made you something.

Dear, Wyrm.

You are a terrible person.

And not just in the way that all boys are terrible people.

Because you are mostly just terrible to your family

and the people who love you, like your sister.

Because maybe you are afraid

that since she knows you the best,

she will tell the world

what a small and scared person you are.

I hope the truth finds you well.

I'm sorry I said I didn't want Mads Nillson

to finger anyone in our room.

And for giving him your floppy disks.

And for hoping he would give you Norwegian herpes.

It's fine.

Izzy says she popped your collar.

Yeah.

How was it?

It was like...

my tongue was a slug and her tongue was a slug,

and we put them in a jar and told them to fight,

but their hearts weren't in it.

Yeah.

Then I fell in love with her and now I feel so stupid.

I fall in love with every boy that smiles at me.

I saw Mom.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I don't think she's trekking anymore.

I don't think she ever was.

Oh.

I think, maybe she gets really sad when she's here.

Yeah.

Do you think Dylan fingered anyone before he died?

I hope so.

Yeah.