Original subtitles

? Who's the improbable duo that you've heard about? ?

? Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal ?

? Who's the little girl And her domesticated rodent? ?

? Who's still standing when you see the dust settle? ?

? It's Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? Hamster ?

? Hamster and Gretel ?

? There's also Kevin in the minivan ?

[? spy music playing]

[Operator] Operator to Agent Dash Dash 7, status report.

[Dash Dash 7] I've got the package. Exiting now!

[Operator] What are you doing?

Looking for transportation of any kind.

[Operator] Use your skis!

[groans]

[Ludwig on speaker] He has my super weapon! Get it back at all costs!

[Operator] Agent, you've got Von Shrute's henchmen coming out,

but the fools are on snow shoes,

you should have no problem getting... What are you doing?

[Dash Dash 7] I'm skiing away with the package.

[Operator] Why are you skiing so slow like that?

It's called snow plowing.

All right I admit it, I only took ski lessons once when was a kid!

[Operator] Just put your skis together and go!

- Do you mean spaghetti? - [Operator] Spaghetti?

Snow plow, pizza, skis together, spaghetti. Whoa!

[Operator] Well, spaghetti then! Spaghetti!

Stop yelling at me!

You're just like my childhood instructor!

He said I'd never get it!

[Operator] You can do it, just spaghetti already!

I'm... I'm... I'm doing it! I'm skiing!

After all these years! I'm really skiing!

Take that, you lousy instructor!

Ow! I lost the package!

- Got it! - [Operator] Nice work, Agent Dash Dash 9!

Not bad, considering I only took the one lesson to fly this thing. Haha!

My instructor said I'd never-

Ow!

[snoring]

[exclaims]

Agent Dash Dash 3 reporting in!

- I was not napping! - [Operator] Agent, do you have the package?

Uh, yes. I-I have it.

[Operator] Okay. You must get it to the drop point

where you'll meet Agent Dash Dash 2, code named the Handyman.

He'll get the super weapon to Agent C for safe disposal.

[Dash Dash 3] Where's the drop point?

[Operator] A place Von Shrute would never look for it, the last train to Dullsville.

- [train horn toots] - All aboard! Last train to Dullsville!

Look at that beautiful steam locomotive.

I'm so glad I could share it with you kids.

Riding trains seems like a boring thing to do dad.

What? Trains are exciting! I promise!

What's in Dullsville?

Well, nothing.

But sometimes, it's the journey, not the destination.

Kids, I know trains are "slower" and "louder" and "noisier."

- But... - That's it!

And this one serves really yummy old-timey milkshakes!

Oh, a coffee cart. Anybody want anything?

A large pumpkin spice latte with three shots of espresso, and one sugar. Gracias.

I'd appreciate you kids just being good sports here.

Your father just wants to introduce his family

to his other great love: steam engines.

- Okay, mom. - We'll try our best.

While you're doing that, I'm going to be busy living out my own dream:

being a mysterious woman on a train.

- How are you going to do that? - That is part of the mystery.

People see her sitting alone. Where did she come from? Where is she going?

[gasps] She's so mysterious.

I'll get a coffee, and oh, a large pumpkin spice latte

with three shots of espresso, and one sugar.

So, you must be The Handyman?

Superintendent actually, but sure, handyman'll do.

The lady in red will meet you on the train.

A free briefcase with your coffee?

This is why I love trains.

A large pumpkin spice latte with three shots of espresso, and one sugar.

You can't be The Handyman!

[gasps] You're one of Ludwig's henchmen!

? Sitting on a train with my family! ?

- ? Having the time of my life! ? - Uh, dad,

why do you have a briefcase handcuffed to your wrist?

The barista gave it to me! Must be some promotion.

The barista?

[gasps]

Gretel. I think Dad accidentally took someone else's briefcase.

Okay, so we just give it back.

He's big, and scary, and has a grappling hook hand.

So? I'll just switch into super hero mode and beat him up!

No! Dad's excited about the train trip. We can't wreck things.

How about we try keeping dad away from this guy

until we can all get off the train.

Can I add that I really want one of those milkshakes I heard about?

Hey dad! Um, how about you show us around the train?

Aw, kids. I'd love that.

I remember when my dad showed me around a train

Let's go now! As if our lives depend on it!

You three have fun.

I'll be here making people question my past.

Uh... Mom, why don't you go ahead to the dining car?

There's more people there.

Ooh, good idea!

And... here it is.

A car exactly like the one we were just in,

but closer to the front of the train!

And the next one is even closer!

Isn't that amazing?

Hey, Dad! Show us how these seats recline!

- [laughs] They don't! - Then show us that!

Give me the briefcase, or else!

- Oh, hello, sir! - [yelps]

Just showing these two dummies a little bit of America.

I'm not a dummy, you're a dummy.

- Hey! Don't call him a dummy! - Get away from me!

[screams]

[gurgling]

Look buddy, this is not my first time being thrown off a train.

See? This is as far as it goes back.

- Gretel! It's him! - What do we do?

But it's also as far as it goes forward.

We've gotta keep him away from dad.

And if there's anything I've learned from movies,

it's pretty easy to lose someone on a train.

? Let's see what's in the news ?

? Peruse Give him no clues ?

? There's a mystery man that you better confuse ?

? On a train ?

? Lose him on a train ?

? You can hide in the beds of the sleeper cars ?

? Slide from coach to coach over each draw bar ?

? Sneak into the engine room like it's the norm ?

? Pretend you're the conductor in full uniform ?

? Point him to the back way down the track ?

? And lose him on a train ?

? Then set him loose on the caboose ?

? And lose him on a train ?

And this is the famous Dullsville Express's Milkshake bar!

Go ahead and order one!

Thanks dad! Can I order two, in case Hamster wants one?

Gretel, don't be silly.

Hamsters don't like milkshakes.

- You must be The Handyman. - I am.

The briefcase hasn't been compromised?

Nope. But my wrist is chafing a little.

Anyway, here's the other briefcase.

And here's a pass to the engine room.

It's where you'll be meeting our contact: the conductor.

I get to see the engine room?

The organization is counting on you.

Farewell.

Dad, why is there another briefcase handcuffed to your wrist?

I think it's some sort of train contest.

I'm winning prizes!

I've even won a trip to see the engine room!

Oh, no, I've only got the one.

It's okay, Dad. Go have a look. We'll wait here.

But please Dad, don't accept any more briefcases.

- [gasps] - [both] Dad.

- [Dave] Wow. - Well well well,

if it isn't... wait it isn't. Who are you?

I'm Dave, I'm a handyman. You must be the conductor.

These are for you.

I've always wanted to see a steam engine in action.

- Can I go look? - Uh... sure, go ahead.

Oh, thanks, Mister Conductor!

Hi, there! I'm Dave. I was wondering if I could hang with you guys.

Hey, Dave. Well, this is a huge safety hazard and explicitly forbidden,

but I love your enthusiasm.

Grab a shovel!

This is the best day of my life!

Oh, finally.

You! You were with the man who has my briefcase!

Tell me where he is! Or else!

Hey, you! Ticket, please.

Hamster and Gretel?

This is spy stuff, not superhero stuff!

This doesn't concern you!

I've been stuck on a train for four hours

and I've had zero milkshakes.

That concerns me.

[grunts]

It's over for you, villain.

Villain? I'm not a villain!

We saw you threatening that barista!

Agent Dash Dash 3?

No, you have it all wrong!

First I wake up with a bad back,

then I give the case to a random stranger,

and accuse you of being a henchman.

What a lousy day.

How's your back feel now? Better I hope.

Stretch my shoulders more that way.

- Oh, no, the train's leaving! - Agh!

Ooh, that's so much better!

That impact with the concrete knocked it right into place!

My organization stole a dangerous weapon from a villain.

It's in the briefcases

and we're trying to get it to the conductor

before the bad guy stops us.

Oh. Do you mean the dangerous weapon in these briefcases?

The conductor has the briefcases.

All's well that ends well.

That's not the conductor. That's... The Conductor!

Ludwig Von Shrute!

Ah, so glad I could take off that train conductor outfit

and get into my symphony conductor outfit.

I hate it when a word means two different things.

What have you done with the train conductor?

Oh, he's a little tied up right now.

With rope.

And I tricked you into bringing my weapon right back to me.

[laughs]

My deadly symphony is together once again!

When my music reaches it's crescendo,

my laser drones will align to form my philharmonic laser!

Capable of blowing up the moon if I so choose!

What kind of madman hates the moon?

And on that note, drones, get them.

[Gretel] Ah!

[both grunting]

[laughs evilly]

[screams]

Can't you use your grappling hook to fight them?

This is just for getting on trains!

Steam's running a little low. We need more water.

Oh-oh-oh, can I do it?

Do you know how to turn the valve?

You can trust me, I'm the handy man.

- Oops! too much. - [steam hissing]

And that's why you don't trust random strangers!

[laughing]

- Look out! - Whoa!

Gretel! The drones can't handle water!

Got it!

[grunts]

Time to drown out these bad notes!

Got ya!

Thanks for the assist.

I'll get this crook back to headquarters.

I thought you said you only use the grappling hook for trains.

Well, you opened my eyes, Random Teenaged Boy.

- Uh, my name is- - Don't ruin it.

Hello, stranger.

Hi, honey! What do you think of the mysterious lifestyle?

Eh, it's not for me. Being mysterious is a lot of work.

Well, kids, I hoped you would find this fun,

but you probably thought it was boring.

No, dad. It was actually a lot of fun.

Yeah, trains aren't as boring as we thought.

I've never been prouder to be your father.

I forgot my wallet!

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