Original subtitles

♪ Who's the improbable duo That you heard about? ♪

♪ Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal ♪

♪ Who's the little girl And her domesticated rodent? ♪

♪ Who's still standing ♪

♪ When you see The dust settle? ♪

♪ It's Hamster Hamster, Hamster ♪

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪

♪ If they can't do it Then nobody can ♪

♪ Hamster, Hamster, Hamster ♪

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪

♪ There's also Kevin In the minivan ♪

All right, Kev. What's on the training agenda?

Arm muscles?

Krav Maga? Heat vision target practice?

I'm switching things up for today.

We're focusing on our cognitive skills.

- What? - Cognitive skills means using the ability

to solve problems using logic and reason.

After your encounter with the talking space eyeball,

I realized we're gonna need every bit of your superpowers, including your brain.

Fred recommended one of her favorites,

Who Done Did It? It's a mystery role-playing game

where you use the clues to solve a crime.

Why isn't she here explaining it to us then?

She said she'd swing by later.

But she also added, she thought this was too complex for us.

What? I'm sure we can learn that game before she even gets here.

Hey, solving mysteries is just an average Tuesday for us.

That's the spirit. Whoa, look at this rulebook.

How long do we have till Fred's here?

I don't know.

She said she had something super important to do.

And the sarcophagus is sold to the wealthy gentleman in the front.

That sarcophagus is going to make one rocking hot tub

once I get that dusty mummy out of there.

Well, this wasn't the girls' day hang I expected,

but it was just the one I needed.

Nothing beats the quiet dignity of an antiques auction.

And for our last lot, an impossible bottle

with an even tinier impossible bottle inside.

Mine, mine.

Getting an impossible bottle inside another impossible bottle

is doubly impossible. I must have it.

We'll start the bid at $30.

I see $30.

Do we have 40? $40.

Do we have 50?

$50 from the young woman in the pink glasses.

- They're mauve. - My mistake.

- Do I hear 60? - 90.

Why? You're in the lead.

And it's going to stay that way.

90 going once. Going twice...

- [boy] $1,000. - What the...

- [all gasping] - Sold for $1,000.

Hey, I think I shared third period with the guy who got your bottle.

That's Frederick. My arch-nemesis.

Your what?

Hello, Winifred.

Fredrick, how about you

and your frosted tips leave me alone already?

[scoffs] Says the girl with the pink glasses.

- They're mauve. - Sure.

By the way, what do you think of my bottle?

I think you're a fake impossible bottle fan.

Oh, but I am a fan of the disappointment on your face.

Gives me life.

Now it's April 19th.

I believe you and I should be facing off on the playground.

It's Saturday, and besides,

aren't we getting a little bit too old for this?

I'll never be too old for our annual battle,

where I can finally regain the name Fred.

- What is he talking about? - [sighs]

It all started back in kindergarten.

Uh, Fred.

- Present. - Here.

[Fred] I was a Winifred. He was a Frederick.

We both wanted to go by Fred.

But you know the schoolyard rules.

Two kids can't have the same nickname.

Finally, on April 19th of that year,

our teacher was fed up and it was decided that we would face off

on the school playground for the right to be called Fred for the entire year.

And on every April 19th that followed,

we battled through game after game on the playground.

Tether ball, double-dutch, monkey bar chicken,

for the right to be called Fred.

- And I won every time - [Frederick] That ends today.

I've been training.

I'm stronger, faster, and more intelligent,

- and I can- - And we're out.

The bottles can be yours if you want it.

You and me, mano a mano in the ultimate Fred-off.

If you win, you'll get the bottle and the name.

- And if I lose? - You can never be called Fred again.

And you will sign a legally binding contract to go by Winifred forever!

Pretty cocky for someone who has won...

Hmm. Never.

That was the old Frederick.

I've trained and become a formidable opponent.

Yeah, right.

- Oh, are we, Winifraid? - I'm never afraid.

Fred. You don't need to do this.

No, it's time to end this rivalry once and for all.

Plus, free impossible bottle.

Challenge accepted.

You probably should have read that.

And then the previous player has had two consecutives,

in which case both players are eaten by hippo.

Dude, this thing's more complicated than time travel movies.

Maybe there's an online tutorial that's simpler.

Welcome to Darren Dark's tutorial walk-through of Who Done Did It?

Are you ready to solve crimes using your cognitive skills?

I said, are you ready to solve crimes using your cognitive skills!

[all] Sir. Yes, sir.

Kiss your joy goodbye.

Because this is a highly complex game that is not fun.

- [sighing] - Groan.

All right, slugger. You got this.

Just remember your training.

[in sing-song voice] Ladies!

I haven't got all day.

Two out of three wins.

- Let's go. - Ha-ha!

I've mastered the most foolproof strategies

known throughout the pro tetherball community.

Prepare to get owned.

Mm...

Here it comes.

- Hey! - Whoo-hoo!

Nice start, Fred!

- Surprise! - [groans]

Fred, are you okay?

Uh... Yeah.

Where are my glasses?

Here. I'm too much of a gentleman to humiliate you at a disadvantage.

Uh, you're the one at a disadvantage.

First round goes to OG Fred.

[chuckles] No matter. We're just getting started.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ Who's better at paintball? ♪

♪ Who's better at pool? ♪

♪ Who's better at standing all alone on a stool? ♪

♪ Who's better at curling? ♪

♪ Who's better at Fish? ♪

♪ Who's better at slurping noodles out of a dish? ♪

♪ Who'd win at a sack race? Bocce ball, double-dutch? ♪

♪ The stakes here just don't really seem to matter that much ♪

♪ But to the results of this they must abide ♪

♪ It's really just a matter of pride ♪

♪ It's Fred versus Fred ♪

♪ Winifred and Frederick going head-to-head ♪

♪ I think you heard what I said ♪

♪ What a shame there's only one good nickname ♪

♪ Only the winner is Fred ♪

♪ Juggling different types of meat ♪

♪ Playing viola with your feet ♪

♪ Dancing with a parakeet Do it ♪

♪ Only the winner is Fred ♪

♪ Capturing the other's flag Coming first in laser tag ♪

♪ Don't just pose, gloat or brag Do it ♪

♪ Only the winner is Fred ♪

♪ Tent a house and fumigate ♪

♪ Denominate and numerate ♪

♪ Navigate the Bering Strait Do it ♪

♪ Only the winner is Fred ♪

This might not be as easy as I previously imagined.

And finally, I'm going to tell you the most important rule,

which will make the other rules

I explained for two and a half hours make sense.

- Sweet! - Finally.

[Hamster] About time.

But first a great offer from our sponsors.

[man on TV] Do you love adding mustard, ranch and ketchup

- to your burgers... - [all groaning]

Well, look no further, because Mustanshup's here!

Mirror, mirror in my hand,

who is the Fred-est in the land?

Me!

Are you kidding me?

You're the best Fred, Fred.

If you're not feeling good, you should just quit, Winifred.

Or should I say, Losifred?

Ha-ha! I'm a genius.

No, no. I'm good. Let's do this.

I'm happy to hear that because I saved the best for last.

Let me guess. Monkey bar chicken?

It's ultimate monkey bar chicken.

How did he get permits for this?

Fred, you don't need to prove anything to him.

I need to prove this to myself.

I'm better than this, or at least I thought I was.

[exclaiming] He's not even in your league.

You're the unicorn and he's a pony with a plastic horn taped to his head.

It's papier mache, actually.

I am a unicorn. Thanks for having my back.

What are you doing?

Why are you squinting so hard?

Wait a sec. These aren't my glasses.

[gasps] You're right.

These aren't mauve. They're plum.

I would never wear plum.

- [gasps] - [both] Frederick.

You rang?

- Surprise! - [groans]

You swapped my glasses?

Yes, I did.

For those plum glasses from the 56-cent store.

Come on out to Interchange 2

to the all-new 56-Cent Store.

My name is Richard, and I've worked for the competition

and I can tell you we have the best discounted products-

What the... Richard! Are you kidding me?

I employed you for six months and you do this to me?

I'm gonna- Get back here.

You're such a cheater.

Give her her glasses back.

Uh-uh-uh. Paragraph four.

I don't have to give you the glasses back.

Argh! I knew you should have read the contract.

And now I'll be the only Fred

because you're too chicken to play chicken.

It's gonna take more than your petty tricks to beat me.

- [♪ metal music playing] - [beeping]

Look out ahead.

I'm blind as a bat, but I still saw that coming.

Oh. How about this?

- Whoa! - See ya "tater!" [laughs]

How about a little trouble-dutch?

- Whoa! - Think you can keep up?

[grunts]

[grunting]

- Bye, Wini! - [screaming in slow motion]

My name is Fred!

[shouts]

Yeah, it is.

Thank you. Thank-

Whoops. Butterfingers.

Here. These are yours.

Ah! Reality has now been restored.

It kills me to say this, but you are the better Fred.

You with a look that will only make sense when you go to college.

Now I'm forever shamed by

the ugly, guttural consonants

of the name Frederick.

[crying]

Have you ever considered going by the name Freddie?

- What? - To me,

you seem like a Freddie.

- Freddie? - Yes.

Use that.

But not Fred. Never again.

Freddie. Yes, I love it. Freddie.

It took all year plotting and building this elaborate game.

Wow, what a waste of time.

Look out, world!

Here comes the new and improved Freddie.

Congratulations, Fred. The one and only.

Thanks for having my back, Hiromi.

You're a really good friend.

And be sure to use code Darrenmustanchup20 at checkout.

And now the secret of figuring out the rules of Who Done Did It...

will be featured in my next video, once I figure it out myself.

- Huh? - In the meantime,

-like and subscribe- - [growling]

If Fred asks, the game blew itself up.

[shouts]

Nice impossible bottle.

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