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1
00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:02,876
{\an8}And done.
2
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,504
{\an8}Kevin's Pet-sitting
is now open for business.
3
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,215
"If it has fur, he'll be thurr?"
4
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:10,384
It rhymes almost.
5
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:11,677
Are you sure it's a good idea
6
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,305
to put up your phone number around
the entire neighborhood?
7
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,723
{\an8}- Why wouldn't it be?
- [phone rings]
8
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,933
{\an8}- Kevin's Pet-sitting?
- [people chatter indistinctly]
9
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,019
{\an8}Yes, my refrigerator is running.
10
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,437
{\an8}" I'd better go catch it"?
11
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,897
{\an8}Oh, come on!
Whoever this is, grow up.
12
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,858
{\an8}- [both laughing]
- He totally fell for it.
13
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,402
{\an8}I'm so glad we got this burner phone.
14
00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:30,612
Kevin, are you sure
you can run a small business?
15
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:34,159
Of course. I think I have the maturity
to handle this like an adult.
16
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,910
I'm gonna find out
where you live, buddy!
17
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,913
Oh! Yes, I am available
to watch your pets,
18
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:43,834
and that's why I'll find out
where you live so I can watch them.
19
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:44,918
What's your address?
20
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,254
- [chattering indistinctly]
- Great. I'll be right there.
21
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:51,009
Well, if you'll excuse me,
I just got my first customer.
22
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,094
Didn't he just put that flier up
ten seconds ago?
23
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,471
Hi, Mertha.
24
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:59,434
Gretel, Bailey, and oh, little Hamster.
What a little cutie!
25
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,562
[blows whistle]
26
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,482
I hope you girls have started
on your book reports.
27
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:07,775
They're due next week.
28
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,109
How do you know about that?
29
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:13,113
All knowledge flows through
the crossing guard.
30
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,948
Mertha, are you coming to my...
31
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:17,659
Your flute recital? Absolutely.
32
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,453
Here we are, girls.
33
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,206
[sighs softly] I'll miss you.
34
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:23,457
Why would you miss us?
We'll see you next week.
35
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,876
No. No, you won't.
36
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:27,336
The mayor's planning to replace me.
37
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,630
Replace you? No!
38
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:32,842
He signed a deal with some tech company
39
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:36,512
to put up these fancy new
"Don't walk" signs.
40
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,283
You can't leave.
You've always been our crossing guard.
41
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:41,942
[blows whistle]
42
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,545
- [blows whistle]
- [children laughing]
43
00:01:46,309 --> 00:01:49,858
- [thunder rumbling]
- [blows whistle]
44
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:50,944
[gasps and sighs]
45
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,071
I'm not letting them get rid of you.
46
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,240
That is so sweet of you, Gretel.
47
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,201
But maybe I just don't
fit in with the times.
48
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:02,246
You know, the other day
I tried to buy a new Victrola
49
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:06,583
but the five-and-dime only had the ones
with moving pictures on them.
50
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,752
I didn't understand a word of that.
51
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,255
I'm going to the mayor,
and I'm gonna change his mind.
52
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:14,007
That's right.
They crossed the wrong crossing guard.
53
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,428
Let's go, Bailey.
We're gonna fight City Hall.
54
00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,929
- [doorbell ringing]
- [door opens]
55
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,597
Hi. Kevin's Pet-sitting.
56
00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:22,433
I'm Ivan. Come with me.
57
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:26,019
So, what am I looking after?
Dogs, cats, um...
58
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:27,438
- Goats?
- [bleating]
59
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,898
They were a wedding present
from my uncle in Scotland.
60
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,191
I'm not gonna watch goats.
61
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:35,487
Hey, it says on your flier
that if it has fur, "you'll be thurr."
62
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,698
[sighs wearily]
Why did it make a rhyming guarantee?
63
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,824
[Ivan] Not a good rhyme.
64
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,743
- Stop!
- Ooh! You've got to look out for that.
65
00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,956
They love eating anything,
especially wires.
66
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,582
[gags]
67
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:49,294
Hey, my wallet.
Well, at least I can pay you now.
68
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,388
Guess I'm stuck with this.
69
00:02:51,389 --> 00:02:53,714
But this shouldn't be too...
[imitating bleating] bad.
70
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,384
- [bleating]
- Wow! Tough herd.
71
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,927
Whoa, whoa, wait!
I have better material.
72
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,096
Where are you going?
73
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,945
Mr. Mayor, we need to speak with you.
74
00:03:03,946 --> 00:03:06,518
Oh, no. You discovered
that toxic waste dump
75
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,353
under the playground, haven't you?
76
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,105
Ah! I knew this day would come.
77
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:12,859
What toxic waste dump
beneath the playground?
78
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,987
Nothing. There's no toxic waste dump
beneath the playground.
79
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,323
The dirt is perfectly safe to eat.
80
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,741
But please don't.
81
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,659
We're here about Mertha,
the crossing guard.
82
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,077
We heard you're replacing her.
83
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,370
You can't do that.
84
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,122
Mertha provides friendly service
85
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,790
and always goes above and beyond.
86
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:32,503
Ah, crossing guards have gone the way
of the elevator operator.
87
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:34,589
Elevator operator?
88
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,798
The patient is prepped, Doctor.
89
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:37,883
Let's open it up.
90
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,011
[ECG flatlines]
91
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:43,931
Were you thinking of doctors
operating on an elevator?
92
00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,599
Um... No.
93
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,521
Anyhoo, let me present to you,
the future.
94
00:03:50,355 --> 00:03:53,357
This is Ace.
Automated Crossing Electroniguard,
95
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,944
guaranteed to make sure
every pedestrian crosses safely.
96
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,780
And it's just as friendly as Mertha.
97
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:00,906
Greetings.
98
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,658
Do you need help crossing the street?
99
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,951
We're inside.
100
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,119
I know that. I was just being polite.
101
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:09,790
It's actually not polite
to say, "I was just being polite."
102
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,209
- It's pretty rude.
- I'm sorry.
103
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,836
You see? It apologized.
104
00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,339
I bet you Mertha could cross
more people than Ace.
105
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,424
I challenge Ace to a cross-off.
106
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,635
Whoever crosses
more people safely stays.
107
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,971
Yes, a cross-off.
108
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,514
That might just distract the voters
109
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,558
from that toxic waste dump
under the playground.
110
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,434
- What?
- Nothing.
111
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,769
I'll see you at the cross-off,
112
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:35,816
and when I win,
I can "cross" that off my list.
113
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:38,569
[laughs]
114
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:39,653
Tough room.
115
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,490
[bleating]
116
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,700
[panting] Please... Please stop.
117
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:45,826
It's getting really late.
118
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,637
At least I think it is.
I lost my watch.
119
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,162
[gags]
120
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,207
Ew! Wait a minute.
121
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:54,334
- One of you is missing!
- [bleating]
122
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,502
[♪ dramatic music playing]
123
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,337
Oh, no! Bad goat!
124
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,256
Hey, fella! Come back!
125
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,091
No, no, no! Don't climb any higher!
126
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:03,386
Come here, fella. Here, boy.
127
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:04,928
[bleating]
128
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,763
Hey, uh... kid.
129
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,391
Little goat. [yelps]
130
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,603
- [rumbling]
- [bleating]
131
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,106
[Kevin grunting]
132
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,607
[♪ pleasant music playing]
133
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,276
Oh, I got you.
134
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:24,281
♪ He's the GOAT herder of goats ♪
135
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:28,869
♪ The greatest of all time ♪
136
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,538
♪ Abbreviate that to GOAT ♪
137
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,540
♪ He would get all our votes ♪
138
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:36,335
♪ The GOAT herder of goats ♪
139
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,920
[Kevin] I'm the GOAT of goats!
140
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:42,924
Thank you all for coming
to our first ever cross-off
141
00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:46,386
which will settle
the age-old question of who is better,
142
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,556
a state-of-the-art machine
or a senior citizen?
143
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,767
I don't know about this, girls.
144
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,226
You can do it, Mertha!
145
00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:55,772
On your mark, get set, cross!
146
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:06,657
I see you're still working
on your dribble, Benny.
147
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,492
Yeah. I want to go pro one day.
148
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,411
You're definitely gonna go pro
the way you play offense.
149
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,830
That's what I keep thinking
every time I see him
150
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,332
fight through the pick-and-roll.
151
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:19,003
- Move! Eyes forward! Step lively!
- [groans softly]
152
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:20,637
[dinging]
153
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,840
- Come on, Mertha!
- You can do it!
154
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,550
What a beautiful cake.
155
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,595
I took your advice, and I tried
a little coconut. It's delicious.
156
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:31,264
Coworker will definitely
fall in love with you now.
157
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:33,433
So how long you been
a crossing guard?
158
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,018
Less crosstalk, more crosswalk.
159
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,311
[dinging]
160
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:38,980
Then after the spray bottle,
I close with the spinning bowtie.
161
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,941
Spinning bowtie is played out.
162
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:44,153
Always end your show
with juggling. Kids love juggling.
163
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,280
- [bell dinging]
- Well, I think I can call it there.
164
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:51,034
Our final score is Mertha, 56, Ace...
165
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:54,955
Wow, the counter stops at 999.
166
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:58,375
Oh, no! I mean, I'm not shocked,
but it's still disappointing.
167
00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,626
[clapping]
168
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:03,297
Now we can go and turn on
the ACEs throughout the city.
169
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,383
[machinery trilling]
170
00:07:06,884 --> 00:07:09,720
I'm so sorry, Mertha.
I failed you.
171
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,054
Ace is just too fast.
172
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:12,681
But that's okay, Gretel.
173
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,182
I was getting tired of being
174
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,309
- a crossing guard anyway.
- Really?
175
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,521
No, it was my entire life.
176
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,523
And all that's left to do
is cross the street
177
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,650
and hand Mertha her retirement papers.
178
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,153
- I cannot let you do that, Mayor.
- Huh?
179
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,822
My prime directive
is to keep pedestrians safe.
180
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:32,492
However, during the competition,
there were 25 jaywalkers,
181
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:35,036
eighteen no-lookers
and 14 mind-changers.
182
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:38,540
Humanity is incapable
of safely crossing the streets,
183
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,711
and so I must stop them
from crossing... forever.
184
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,671
- [people yelping]
- [gasping]
185
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:48,508
[tires screeching]
186
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:49,843
Why do they have legs?
187
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,220
It was a free upgrade.
188
00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:53,347
The "Don't Walk" signs can walk?
189
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,267
[people screaming]
190
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,152
[people screaming]
191
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:04,776
[yelping]
192
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,657
Hey! Leave those pedestrians alone!
193
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,618
They're my pedestrians now.
194
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,537
Automated Crossing
Electroniguard punch!
195
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,332
Ahhh!
196
00:08:20,614 --> 00:08:23,794
Wait. They can repair themselves?
197
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,297
I got the deluxe package!
198
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,132
[thudding]
199
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,052
Let's get you folks to safety.
200
00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:38,099
I drop my phone three feet
and it's destroyed forever.
201
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,143
But these guys just pop back up.
202
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,479
We need Kevin.
203
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,105
Come, gentle goat friends.
204
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:46,149
Yes, follow your herder.
205
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,692
- [bleating]
- [cell phone vibrating]
206
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,069
Where's my phone?
207
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,404
[cell phone vibrating]
208
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:53,240
- [Gretel] Can you hear me?
- Hey, Gretel.
209
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,950
Our crossing guard
was gonna be replaced
210
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,077
by artificially intelligent
"Don't walk" signs.
211
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,412
We convinced the mayor to hold
a cross-walking contest,
212
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,873
but the "Don't Walk" sign
is trying to enslave humanity.
213
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,084
What? I just saw you like two hours ago.
214
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,252
It's been a day.
215
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,004
I'm on my way!
216
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:11,675
This way. Don't rush.
217
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,386
Mind the deadly robots.
218
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,430
Well, I'm out of ideas.
219
00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:18,765
- [Kevin] Gretel!
- Kevin!
220
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:19,850
What's with the goats?
221
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:22,645
It's been a day!
222
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,525
Look out!
223
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:32,195
- The wires pull them back together.
- [electricity crackling]
224
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,114
Wait! That's it!
225
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,368
Gretel, Hamster,
hit the robots towards the goats.
226
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,458
It's working.
227
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,545
It's lights out for you, Ace.
228
00:09:51,376 --> 00:09:53,466
[dinging]
229
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:55,552
Wow, it does go over 1,000.
230
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:56,636
Mertha wins.
231
00:09:56,637 --> 00:10:00,140
No, I am the ultimate crossing guard.
How could I lose?
232
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,058
You're missing the human touch.
233
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,144
Speaking of...
234
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,191
I'll be back! [voice fading]
235
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,908
Thank you, Hamster,
Gretel, and Mertha!
236
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:18,658
You saved the day.
237
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:22,413
[crowd chanting]
Mertha! Mertha! Mertha!
238
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,417
- Thanks, Kevin.
- Yeah, no problem.
239
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,501
So how's business?
240
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:31,087
[sighing] It's good,
but I think I'm gonna find another gig.
241
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,839
These guys are kind of a lot.
242
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,507
But now, I must leave you.
243
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,092
Come, goats.
244
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,262
[bleating]
245
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,514
[cell phone vibrating]
246
00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:43,351
Which one of you has my phone?
247
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,895
Hello? Hello?
248
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,439
[♪ theme music playing]
249
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,618
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪
250
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,376
♪ It's Hamster ♪
251
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,545
♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪
252
00:11:11,595 --> 00:11:16,145
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