Original subtitles

♪ Who's the improbable duo That you heard about? ♪

♪ Faster than a scooter Stronger than metal ♪

♪ Who's the little girl And her domesticated rodent? ♪

♪ Who's still standing When you see the dust settle? ♪

♪ It's Hamster, Hamster, Hamster ♪

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪

♪ If they can't do it Then nobody can ♪

♪ Hamster, Hamster, Hamster ♪

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪

♪ There's also Kevin in the minivan ♪

Hey, guys. We're at the gross ball pit at Curtis Curds

doing our signature evil stuff. [makes dry evil laugh]

Nothing more evil than ruining a little kid's day. Am I right?

No more balls! No more balls!

[groans softly]

Man! Now it's just a pit.

- High five! - [sighs wearily]

Hope you enjoyed this morning's evil exploits.

Tune in later today,

when we toilet paper the whole public library.

[unenthusiastically] Whoo-hoo.

You know what? Let's just call it a day.

What is wrong with you?

You've been acting all bummer-y lately,

like some kind of bummer.

Nothing's wrong. I'm just getting bored,

making little kids cry day in and day out.

Why? Little kids are easy targets,

and they don't fight back.

Is this all there is to life? What's the big picture?

The big picture is we're evil.

You're just bored because we've been doing small potato evil.

We need to do big potato evil.

Come on. I've got a good idea.

[sighs wearily]

[whooshes]

Where are the bad guys?

They just took off after wrecking the children's ball pit.

Oh, no.

- What about the adult ball pit? - That one's fine.

Since we moved to the ball pit,

productivity has been down 80%.

We'll go get them after we clean up this mess.

[dad] Excuse me, miss.

- Can we get the check, please? - Huh?

Daddy, can you buy me that Curtis Curds doll?

Throw in that little wombat doll, and I'll tip you extra.

- [children chattering] - [wombat] Hey, kids.

So all this time I looked like Curtis Curds and nobody told me?

And I look like a Curtis Curds waitress.

Get back to work, Shelly.

- Maybe it's time for a new look. - Word.

[singers] ♪ Frank's discounted discount costumes ♪

[Frank] Who doesn't love a good,

brooding anti-hero with a tragic backstory?

Nobody! And it's on sale!

Seems a little off brand.

Do you have anything we could actually walk or breathe in?

We've got countless discounted discount costumes

you can walk or breathe in!

Be right back.

Hello, Mr. Power Grid.

Get ready to get smashed.

It's gonna be a total blackout!

- During the day? - Um, yeah.

People won't be able to use electric can-openers.

They'll have to use regular can openers...

like losers!

I'm just gonna sit this one out.

[sighs wearily] Why can't you just do what the aliens told us to do?

Because I'm sick of this.

Every time I do evil, I feel bad.

Um... Okay. How do we fix you?

I don't need fixing. I need you to see where I'm coming from.

Well, it's not like there's some professional

who can put me inside your head.

Oh, I think there is.

[♪ sinister music playing]

Uh... Because you're my very first supervillain clients,

it's important you know that everything you say in here

is protected by doctor-villain confidentiality.

So you can be completely open.

Uh... Nothing personal, Mrs. Doctor, but I don't need therapy.

So if you could just cure her real quick

so we can get back to being evil, that would be awesome.

It's Dr. Carter,

and I'm not here to cure anyone.

- I just want- - Oh, cool! I guess we're done.

Sit down! Okay.

I'm sick of being evil, and he isn't.

And all we do is fight about it.

- And I just want- - Yawn!

Fistpuncher, please.

Let The Destructress finish her thought.

It doesn't matter. He won't listen.

What?

Let's start over.

Clearly, The Destructress is feeling a lot of conflict about your lifestyle.

- How does that make you feel? - Mad. Really mad!

Super mad. Like super, really super mad.

Totally mad. Very, very mad

like a mad sandwich with extra mad with mad on the side

and do not skip on the mad!

Hmm. What I'm hearing is...

you're mad.

Well, I have an assignment.

I want you to both go out into the world

and try the opposite of what you've been doing.

Then come back in a few hours

and tell me how being good resonated with you.

I love that idea!

- I hate that idea! - Good luck!

I don't even know what to do.

It's easy.

You just help old people get across the street safely. Watch.

May I help you cross the street, sir?

Why, thank you, young lady. What a nice thing to do.

Nice is my middle name.

Nuh-uh! It is Ruth.

Hey, you're old.

Let me help you cross the street.

Thank you, young man.

[horns honking]

Ugh!

I know! Lady launch!

[screaming]

[yelps]

Help! I've been thrown!

And caught! Now she moves fast.

- What? - You've gotta try harder, bro.

[♪ amusing instrumental music playing]

♪ Don't think twice about being nice ♪

♪ It's just a hypothetical exercise ♪

♪ There's nothing wrong with getting along ♪

♪ I know it feels funny Try it on for size ♪

- ♪ Be nice ♪ - ♪ Nice, nice ♪

- ♪ And good ♪ - ♪ Good, good ♪

♪ If you take my advice ♪

♪ Pretty soon you'll be rocking the way you should ♪

♪ We can live a life that's nice and normal ♪

♪ We can be average every day ♪

♪ This agreement doesn't have to be legal or formal ♪

♪ But I think we both know crime doesn't pay ♪

♪ I know we've been evil for so long ♪

♪ And being good doesn't suit you ♪

♪ But if doing right makes you feel so wrong ♪

♪ At least try being neutral ♪

♪ So we could be nice ♪

[inhales]

I smell patriotism!

- What else you got? - Nothing says hero...

like complex gadgetry.

[costume beeping]

Next.

Ahhh! You look so strong. I'm terrified.

But not too terrified to cut you a deal.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

No, no, no, wait. I have something you're gonna love.

No superhero has ever looked like this.

I haven't felt this good in months.

That's wonderful.

How did the exercise make you feel, Fistpuncher?

Gross.

Okay.

You went from feeling mad to gross.

A bit of a lateral move, but not bad.

The key going forward

is to keep the communication lines open and speak your truth.

But most importantly, pay my fee.

Wait! We have to pay money for this?

I'll pay my half from my babysitting fund.

I don't have any cash.

- Guess I'll have to go rob a bank. - Wait! What?

[sighs wearily] Don't worry.

I'll go stop the robbery before his inevitable arrest.

Thanks, Doctor.

Slow down, bro!

I got to stop taking walk-ins.

- [burglar alarm ringing] - [shattering]

Okay, Lyle, give the money back.

No. I'm gonna go pay the shrink,

then steal it back from her as revenge for wasting our time.

- Come on! - [sighs wearily]

[sirens wailing]

Lyle, just wait a second. I need to tell you something.

Oh, fine. Hurry up!

What you're doing... What we've been doing,

this evil thing isn't working for me anymore.

It's not who I am,

and I'm sick of missing out on all the stuff normal teenagers do.

Like what?

Like getting a driver's license and friends,

maybe even a super-cute boyfriend.

So what are you trying to say?

[sighs]

I'm done being evil, Lyle.

You're abandoning me?

No. I'll always be your sister.

But I can't be your partner anymore.

I'm just going to go to the mall all the time instead of jail.

[Hamster] Speaking of jail...

That's where you're both going! Hand over the money.

No way!

Whoa, whoa. Wait.

You're a hotdog and hamburger themed superheroes now?

Uh, that's stupid.

Can't say I disagree.

It was an experiment.

Look, we're really sorry about all this.

Come on! Give them the money.

- Never! - I'm just speaking my truth.

I hate your truth. It makes me mad!

[Lauren] You get mad at everything!

Have you guys considered therapy?

[growling and grunting]

- [grunting] - [crashes]

Nobody knocks the condiments off my partner.

[Gretel] I got it!

- Now we just need to- - [growling]

Uh-oh! [grunts]

- Give me back my bag! - [thumps]

[Hamster groans]

- [groaning] - [crashes]

[crashes]

Come and get me, losers!

- [thumps] - [laser trilling]

[yelps]

Give that back!

Come on, Lauren.

Stop being weird, and let's just take them down together.

I'm sorry. I'm hanging up my cape, bro.

You're on your own.

Fine. I don't need you.

Okay, well...

I guess this is goodbye.

See you at dinner.

Lauren!

[whimpering]

- [grunts] - [crashes]

I give up. Just take me to jail. It doesn't matter.

- Good decision. - Also...

those costumes are stupid.

- We know! - We're gonna stick with our old suits.

[♪ Lyle playing harmonica]

[Lyle out of tune] ♪ I'm in jail ♪

♪ Without any bail ♪

♪ This was a fail ♪

Nice harmonica.

Wow! You know, you look just like my favorite villain, Fistpuncher.

But he is way too smart to be in here.

Hate to punch your bubble, dude,

but I am Fistpuncher, and I'm not as smart as I look.

No way! I can't believe it.

You look even bigger in person. I'm such a huge fan!

My name is Footkicker!

Why do you call yourself Footkicker?

I'm named for my usage.

I can kick stuff really hard and far.

Whoa!

- But just with this little one. - Oh!

Hey, where's The Destructress?

I don't do evil with my sister anymore. I fired her.

Well, I hated her anyway.

Listen, if you need a wingman, I am your wingman.

I have zero independent thought.

I will take any instruction without resistance.

Cool. I could use someone who does whatever I say.

Yes, I will do whatever you say.

Look out, world.

Here comes Fistpuncher and Footkicker...

The world's two evilest hand and foot based villains.

- High five! - [crashes]

[groaning] Yeah. We'll work on that.

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