Original subtitles

NARRATOR: "Gunsmoke."

With Milburn Stone as Doc, Amanda Blake as Kitty,

Ken Curtis as Festus, Buck Taylor as Newly, and starring

James Arness as Matt Dillon.

Get these off the street.

You stay with the horses.

Come on.

Evening, Doc.

Hello, Festus.

Just getting in, are you?

Yeah, been out all night patching up those Crockers.

Them Crockers scrapping again, are they?

Yet.

Let me give you some advice-- don't ever get married.

Oh, I wouldn't marry her.

I'll guarantee you that.

DOC: Well, he's certainly no bargain.

I wasn't planning on him, neither.

Doc, you ain't got something for kind of a sore throat,

have you?

Well, certainly.

I got just exactly the thing here.

It's a concoction of my own.

It's, uh, mainly molasses, but then it's got some coal

oil in it and a little peppermint

and quite a bit of castor oil.

I'll give you--

Oh, I ain't that bad, Doc.

Uh, what I got, see, is just kind of a scratchety,

ticklety feeling right here in my guzzler kinda.

Why in thunder didn't you say you wanted a shot of whiskey?

But I want you to understand though that, according to law,

I am not allowed to dispense intoxicating liquor.

We'll have to call this medication.

Feels better right away, don't it?

Oh, you betcha.

I don't give a hoot what you call it.

Well, you should, because my minimum fee for dispensing

medication is $0.50.

$0.50?

Yeah.

Where's Matt?

Well, he rode off to Scullyville this morning.

Won't be back till day after tomorrow.

Doc, about that $0.50--

I'm putting it right down here.

Don't you think we could just kind of call it sociablizing?

MACOMB: Let's get going.

Hyah!

I shot one of them.

Newly, Burke, get your horses.

The rest of you, saddle up.

Let's get after them.

Pike, you gonna make it?

Keep going.

If you can, say so.

I'm only grazed.

It don't look that way to me.

Now, if you fall behind, you're not gonna do any talking,

just like the rest of us.

Make sure he rides up ahead of you.

Come on, come on.

Come on, boy.

You'll make it here.

Go on, get out there.

That's it.

Oh!

Oh, he's bad.

Can he ride?

I don't know.

When the wind quits, he's gonna have to.

BANDIT: Looks better than 2,000 here.

Ain't good for much this way, Pike.

Pike.

Hey, you hear me?

Where are we?

Shack we staked out.

But we gotta be riding.

Come on.

Yeah, OK.

Oh!

You're ain't gonna make it, boy.

Oh, I can, Macomb.

I can do it.

Got a hole in your side bad, another one in your shoulder.

You can't leave me.

We're gonna be running, boy.

I like you, but, uh, not that much.

You want I should ease the pain?

He won't last a day.

If it had been either of you, I'd have done the same thing.

Now, let's get out of here while the wind's doing us a favor.

Well, I've never known you to carry more

than one gun at a time, Pike.

Where'd you get it?

Move away.

Why, boy, I guess you're a lot stronger than I figured.

Loomis, break it up into four pieces again.

I'll do the telling.

What have you got in mind, boy?

You'll never get away.

We'll get you sure.

Got nothing to lose.

I'll die anyway if you leave me here.

Put your gun on the table.

Well, I never figured to be looking into the wrong end

of one of your guns.

Never figured you'd pitch me aside like leavings

neither, Macomb.

Now, the money.

Put it in the saddlebag.

Easy.

Hey, uh, listen, Pike.

When did you, uh, when'd you start

that boot insurance thing, huh?

Four months ago, when I met up with you.

That's good.

PIKE: Put it down and move back. Move back!

Put your hands on that bunk.

Get after him!

Now, we got no money and no horses, neither.

Maybe we can round him up when the wind quits.

When this wind quits, they're gonna be on the other side

of the Rio Grande.

We're gonna start walking.

Got any figure of the direction?

The one he took.

Go on.

Go on, horse.

Go on.

We gotta keep--

SALLY: [SINGING] Oh, they chaw tobacco thin in Kansas.

Oh, they chaw tobacco thin, and they spit it off their chin,

and they lap it up again in Kansas.

Oh, potatoes, they grow small in Kansas.

Oh, potatoes, they grow small in Kansas.

Oh, potatoes, they grow small, and they dig them in the fall,

and they eat them hide and all in Kansas.

Oh, they churn the butter well in Kansas.

Oh, they churn the butter well in Kansas.

Oh, they churn the butter well, and the buttermilk they sell.

Oh, they churn the butter well in Kansas.

Oh, drinking is a sin in Kansas.

Oh, drinking is a sin in Kansas.

They say drinking is a sin, so they guzzle all they can.

They guzzle all they can in Kansas.

Oh, potatoes, they grow small in Kansas.

[SPEAKING] Oh, whoa, Worthless!

Over there looks like something to me.

Oh, they churn the butter well.

Mm-hmm.

Look at that.

There's a little beauty.

Hmm.

Perfect, just perfect.

Oh!

Oh, here's another.

Oh.

Oh, you were good in your day, but you're done now.

Now, look at her.

You see, we got a load for ourselves now, Worthless.

Oh, there you go.

Now, right down in there.

I figure that'll give us about a half a penny.

Half a penny, I think that's cause for a celebration.

Don't you?

Yes, sir.

Here we come.

Where are you now?

Oh, come here.

Ahh.

[burp]

Good.

Now, the way I figure it, them things is gonna bring us.

If we fix up that bedstead back there,

somebody's gonna give us $1 for that.

The commode basin is a little rusty, but I think somebody

might pay $0.40 for it.

And with those bottles and the other things that we found,

I think we've got $3.

Are you listening to me, Worthless?

$3, I said!

Oh, that is, if you ever get your shoulder to the wheel

and get us home.

Come on, Worthless, come on!

Get on there.

Oh, I named you right when I named you Worthless.

Come on, honey.

Maybe I'll give you a licorice whip when we get home.

Come on!

[neigh]

[SINGING] Oh, I got a mule named Worthless in Kansas.

I've got a worthless mule in Kansas.

I've got a worthless mule, and Worthless is no fool.

Oh--

[SPEAKING] Hey.

Hey!

Hey, you on the ground there.

What do you think of that?

You drunk or hurt or what?

Both, maybe.

[coughing]

Oh, sore meat.

No, sir.

Not me.

[groan]

You're only a young'un, ain't you?

Well, I can't do nothing for you.

I ain't got no medicine things.

I-- besides, it ain't no trouble of mine.

That's your'n.

You-- you got yourself into it.

Why look to me to get you out?

I ain't having none of it, that's all.

[groan]

Lord, you ever see a fool?

Folks always said that I had a heart bigger than my brain.

I'm afraid they're right about that.

All right.

Well, are you gonna help me or not?

Worthless.

Ow!

Come on, Worthless.

I need you, honey.

Now, come on.

Wait a minute, now.

Hold on.

There you go.

Now, lean on me.

That's a boy.

Hello, Miss Kitty.

Couple of you fellas get these horses on down the stable,

will you?

Matthew get back, did he?

No, I haven't heard a word.

Did you have any luck?

Ah, it's just like them yahoos got theirselves swallowed up.

We been at it all day and half the night.

You men look like you could use a beer on the Long Branch.

Appreciate it.

I could sure use a beer, Miss Kitty.

It got awful dry out there.

Beer, Sam.

On the house.

Well, they sure look like they could use it.

Thank you, Miss Kitty.

Festus, what are we gonna do now?

You said something about splitting up.

Well, quick as the horses gets rested,

we could maybe start to taking turns.

I just got a feeling that they got

theirselves holed up someplace.

Well, Festus, they could have traveled

40 miles in any direction without leaving a track.

That's an awful lot of territory to cover.

Except, Miss Kitty, they got this one fella that's

been shot along with them.

Now, if they did hole theirselves

and we was to go out every day, we-- we could just keep 'em

edgy enough to where they jump up and do something foolish,

don't you see?

Whoa!

Back.

Get back there.

Whoa.

Get back.

Come on, boy.

Come on.

You heard me, boy?

You better hear me.

You're gonna die if I don't do something for you.

Come on.

There.

Now, listen.

Oh, Lord only knows what I'm gonna do now.

There you go.

All right.

That's a boy.

You're gonna make it.

Just bear down. That's all right.

I got you.

[whistling]

I-- I ain't armed, boys.

I ain't armed.

That's downright obliging.

I don't want no trouble.

Anything you want, just take.

Well, that's what we was planning to do anyway.

We lost our horses, old man.

We need yours.

I'll give them to you, free and clear.

You got any money buried around here anyplace?

No, sir.

I got $18 saved for spring seed.

In the house, is it?

Saddle the horses.

Come on.

Come on!

Come on.

Put this here.

No.

Yes, that's it.

I ain't never done this before, so don't-- don't expect

no fancy stitch work.

Lord, here goes.

It up to you.

Let him live or die.

It's out of my hands.

This-- this ain't none of my doing.

You know that.

Ow!

Ah!

I told you I didn't know nothing about this!

I told you.

Listen, boy.

Now, I gotta get them bullets out of there,

or you ain't got no chance at all.

Here.

You better have some of this here.

Come on, take some more.

You're gonna need it.

The good thing about pain, boy-- it don't last forever.

There.

Just a minute.

Here.

Hang on to that.

Boy, hang on to that tight, ya hear?

Good and tight.

[gunshots]

Any particular reason?

The fool had a gun hidden there.

Now, let's find Pike.

Macomb, how are we gonna do that?

We'll scratch every part of Kansas if we gotta.

One, he's got the money.

Two, if the law catches up with him, he can identify us.

Three, it would be a pleasure watching

him bleed more than he is.

SALLY: You awake, boy?

Want a drink of water?

Another?

Take a little more.

Well, I got all that lead out, but I sure had to go deep.

But I think you're gonna mend up all right.

What's your name, boy?

Pike.

Cyrus Pike.

What'd you-- what'd you use to sew me up, a knitting needle?

Well, that's just what I get.

You're one of them grateful cusses, ain't ya?

[groan]

I know you got a lot of pain.

Well, I ain't got nothing to eat.

You went and drunk up my emergency bottle.

I suppose it ain't none of my business

how you got them bullets in you.

Better off me not knowing, I suppose.

It was outlaws.

Well, they done a good job, I'll say that for them.

I come from Shadrow, over in Arkansas.

Had me $400 saved.

Come to Kansas to buy me a ranch.

Outlaws must've found out.

They robbed me and ambushed me.

Left me to die.

Left your horse to die, too?

All saddled up?

He spooked away.

Come back after they left.

Maybe you better get the law after them.

Get your money back for you.

Outlaws might find out, come back after me.

You, too, being as you helped me.

Eh, I don't believe a single particle of it.

[groan]

Well, never mind stirring yourself.

I ain't one of those squealers to the law

if that's what you're thinking of.

But I'll tell you, boy, what would pleasure me,

and that's for you to get strong enough to get up on your two

lying feet and get out of here and leave

me alone for a change.

$400 rancher we got ourselves.

Got himself ambushed, robbed, and left to die.

You believe that, Sally Fergus, and you'll believe anything.

Oh!

I told you I had to go deep.

Um, I'd sure give you some laudanum if I had it.

I better get old Doc.

He's in Dodge.

It's a good 10 miles from here.

No.

You got the bullets out.

I can stand it.

I don't know if I can.

Boy, what I need is a drink, and I'm gonna get it.

I'm going to town.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

Going for the law?

No.

I got some trading to do.

But, uh, old Worthless, she's getting pretty old and slow.

So it's gonna take quite a while.

But we'll be back, and you hang on.

You hear me?

You hang on.

[braying]

Worthless!

Come on, honey!

That's a good girl.

We're gonna take a little trip.

Matthew, we had us a robbery.

Freight office.

When'd this happen?

About two days ago.

Four fellas got away with purt near $2,800.

Newly, he's out with the posse now.

We're spelling off.

Did you find anything?

FESTUS: Nah, we couldn't track 'em three feet.

There was a windstorm that day.

It was blowing dust so thick you couldn't stir it with a stick.

We're figuring they got theirselves holed up someplace,

seeings one of them is shot.

Fact is, I think I hit him twice.

How far did you look?

Well, most to the north and east.

We figured that's the way they was headed.

All right, I'll tell you what we'll do.

I'm gonna grab a bite to eat, and then

we'll go out and look around.

Get a hold of Burke, will you, and tell him to put on a badge

and keep an eye on the place?

I'll do her, Matthew.

So me and old Matthew will be heading out there directly

and see if we can't pick up a track or sign or something--

KIDS: [SINGING] Dirty Sally!

Dirty Sally smells like a skunk!

Never takes a bath, lives in a hole.

Go on home!

KIDS: [SINGING] Ugly, ugly, looks like a mole.

Them damn young'uns is at it again.

Go on!

Go on home, you brats!

KIDS: [SINGING] Rides a broomstick through the ditch.

Don't you pay no attention, Worthless.

Don't listen to them.

KIDS: [SINGING] If you're not careful, she'll spit on you.

Here, here, here!

Skedaddle now! Scat, scat, scat!

Get away from her! Go on.

Go ahead, Miss Sally.

Much obliged, Festus.

Giddyup!

Why don't you take care of your kids?

All right, all you young'uns.

Come here.

I wanna jaw with you for a minute.

Billy Fieder, Susan Leland, you all oughta

be ashamed of yourselves.

Oh, Mr. Festus, she's just dirty old Sally.

When was the last time you took a bath?

It ain't the same thing.

Well, it appears to me it is.

You was calling her dirty old Sally, wasn't you?

We ain't that dirty.

Yeah, but then you ain't clean as the parson is, neither.

Now, how would you like it if he was to start

calling you Dirty Billy?

Well?

Wouldn't, I guess.

No, of course you wouldn't.

See, all of us is different.

Some folks is good.

Some folks is bad.

Some folks is clean, some middling clean,

some just pure old D dirty.

So when you start to wanting to call somebody a name,

you-- you take a look at yourself in the looking glass

first.

Then you can see what names that folks could start calling you

if they wanted to.

You see what I mean?

All right, I got your word on that?

KIDS: Yes, sir.

That's good.

All right, run along and play now.

Hello, Sally.

How are you?

Hi, Marshal.

Oh, I'm poorly.

I need a chew.

Oh, that's so hard.

Say, could you bite a hunk of that off for me?

I've got no teeth, you know.

Well, uh-- here, I'll cut you off a piece.

If I had teeth like yours, I'd throw my knife away.

Sally, you haven't by any chance

seen four men riding out on the prairie the last couple days,

have you? -Thanks.

Want a sliver?

Oh, no, thank you.

No.

I've seen a couple of buffalo hunters.

Why?

Well, we were robbed here Monday night.

I just thought you might've come across them out there.

Well, no.

Seen them buffalo grizzlies and some lizards, and that's all.

Well, keep your eyes open for me if you're out there,

will you?

All right, Sally.

Miss Sally.

Well, you know, I couldn't sell any more kerosene or vinegar

if it wasn't for you, Sally.

And they's all clean.

Oh, I can see they are.

Well, I'll-- I'll just weigh these up,

Sally, and you help yourself.

Thank you, Mr. Lathrop.

This, with the others, is just shy of 80 pounds.

So we'll just call that $0.80.

Ain't you got no laudanum?

Well, you're gonna have to get that from the doc.

Oh, no.

Well, how about a few black eyed peas, Sally?

Maybe some flour and a little coffee?

Oh, no, Mr. Lathrop.

I need the cash.

Here's what I'll do.

I'll just give you that $0.80--

Oh.

-and I'll put the rest on your bill, all right?

Well, well, thank you.

But my bill must be pretty tiresome by now.

But I've got the bottles to pay for it.

I've just got to get them all washed up

and-- and bring 'em in.

Oh, anytime.

No hurry.

Maybe if you could give me $0.05 more on my bill.

I'll take a couple of bites of candy.

Oh, you just help yourself.

Uh, maybe you could make it $0.10, 'cause I'm taking

a couple more peppermints.

Well, whatever you say is all right with me, Sally.

Thank you.

Oh, it must be wonderful to be a fine city lady

and to live in town and be able to come into the store

and buy anything you see.

Why don't you just move into town, Sally?

Oh, oh, no.

I couldn't.

I'm too old.

But I thank you very much, Mr. Lathrop.

Well, you're just more than welcome.

I sure appreciate it.

I got something for you, honey.

Now, I want you to take this.

Chew it slow.

Make it last.

That's a girl.

You know what he said?

That I have to go and see Doc and ask him for the laudanum.

I ain't looking forward to fisticuffing

with that old coot.

He'll probably poke me and probe me.

He'll see that I'm-- ah, don't mind.

I can't even tell you about it.

Absolutely not.

Nothing in this world is free.

You want laudanum, you gotta pay for it.

Hold a good thought.

Here, get that bag out of here so I can just--

Who do you think you're pushing around, you old fossil?

What'd you call me?

An old fossil.

Don't you "old fossil" me, or I'll punch you

a lot harder than I have been.

You gotta hold still so I can tell what I'm doing.

Oh!

Is that sore?

Oh!

Just a minute.

[groan]

That hurt there? -Oh!

Yes, it hurts.

Do you think I'm made of stone?

Yeah, well, I can't do anything.

It's like I told you in the first place.

I can't examine you unless you take off part of your clothes.

I knowed it.

You get me up onto here, and then you

want to get my clothes off me.

Well, I ain't gonna do it.

You'll just have to hide your disappointment.

Well, you come up here and you got a pain in your lower back.

Now, how do you expect me to find

it unless I can feel of you?

Nobody's gonna feel of me.

Well then, what do you suggest?

I suggest laudanum.

Well, laudanum only kills pain.

It didn't cure anything.

Well, I could treat myself.

I know what's the matter with me.

It's that bottle picking.

It's getting to me.

I got a stooped back.

I had it since I was a little girl.

All right.

You know what's wrong, so there'll be

no examination and no laudanum.

Sally, let me tell you something.

I have no carnal interest in your body at all.

My interest in your body is strictly professional.

I'm a doctor.

Well, I don't know about your carnal,

but I do know that doctors has desires, just like other men.

I won't examine you.

All right.

But that's as far as I'm gonna go.

I ain't no loose lady.

All right.

Now, let's see what we can do.

But you hold still while I examine you.

Now, just hold still.

For what?

Well, so I can feel here.

Now, just be quiet.

All right.

Now, tell me when this hurts.

It hurts.

It's gonna hurt all over when you get through.

Oh, Are you through?

Yes, Sally, I guess I'm all through.

What did you find?

About what I expect.

You're getting old.

Your joints are getting creaky.

And I need laudanum.

Sally, you need laudanum.

Well, I tell you one thing.

Nobody ever pawed me like that before.

Well, does that mean we're engaged?

I guess you ain't heard about me.

I was something in my day.

Yeah, but your day has passed.

Oh, what do you know?

Now, don't get feisty with me.

Mine's passed, too. That's the reason I know.

And there are certain things we just can't do anymore.

You'll just have to slow down, and you remember that.

Well, I can't slow down.

Somebody's gotta swamp out them wagon trails.

How much do I owe you?

$0.70, but you don't have to pay me now.

I never take presents from no men.

All right, Sally.

You do exactly what it says on that bottle.

No more, no less.

And another thing.

If you have any pain, don't you hesitate to come

and see me, day or night.

Well, if you was 20 years younger, I might.

Still no strangers, like I told Festus.

If I'd seen four outlaws, Marshal,

I'd have-- I'd have had them locked

in my storeroom listening to my tall tales

before they knew what hit them.

It gets so lonesome out here that I find myself talking

to prairie rats and buzzards.

Real folks with real ears to listen with,

they would stand no chance at all against my mouth.

Well, come on in for some coffee.

Oh, well, no thanks, Mr. Sutro.

We gotta keep moving.

You don't want to hear about the gunshots?

What gunshots is that?

Well, it was early.

I was coming from over Hawkins' way.

Now, I-- I'd saddled up, but my foot still can't

take no weight in the stirrup.

I remember one time I had tried to ride,

paying no mind to-- to two broken fingers

that old Doc Adams splinted--

Mr. Sutro, thanks a lot.

We'll check it out.

FESTUS: Much obliged, Mr. Sutro.

Howdy, Miss Kitty.

Well, howdy there, Sally.

Sam.

Say, pour me one of them $0.10 drinks, will you?

Just short of the rim.

Sure, Miss Sally.

Got just the right amount of money.

There you are.

Oh, look at that.

There's a beautiful sight.

That's amber.

That's my favorite color.

Oh, I'll just let it build up the suspense for a minute.

Kind of dry out there with the wind blowing and all, huh?

Well, you gotta keep your pipes warmed up.

Sally, you know, I'm-- I'm glad you're here.

You can help me out with something.

Oh, is one of the girls sick?

You want me to fill in?

No, we, um, we got a shipment in, and Sam doesn't think

it's up to standard.

And, uh, well, you know, it-- it doesn't taste too bad to me.

Do you want my professional opinion?

I sure would appreciate it.

A clean glass, Sam, please.

Sure.

That's-- tasted worse in my time.

Ah, that's right well.

Curls my toes.

For that expert opinion, why don't you

take that home with you?

Thanks, Miss Kitty.

Say, that's a good idea.

You know, it's not good for a girl's reputation going out

on the street with a bottle.

That's right.

Bye.

Now, there goes one independent old girl.

Oh, she's the last of her kind.

Mr. Hawkins?

Hello in there.

Don't appear like he's to home, Matthew.

Mr. Hawkins, Matt Dillon.

[SINGING DRUNKENLY] --is my own, and we are alone.

[SPEAKING] Whoa!

Now, we'll get down there.

There's the stuff.

Oh, I'm gonna unhitch you later and give you something to eat.

But I've got a little errand of mercy.

Well, wasn't easy, but we got it.

Where's the boy?

Where's the boy gone?

Oh.

Oh, he's bleeding.

Boy?

Boy?

Boy?

He ain't in my privy.

Honey, he ain't fit to ride.

You know that.

Boy?

Boy?

Can you hear me?

Pike?

Pike!

NARRATOR: Stay tuned for exciting scenes

from our next "Gunsmoke."

[theme music]